Keith and The Girl

After reminding the audience about Keith’s nonsense of direction and a major trip to San Juan, the audience demands to hear it all come together. From 2020, this episode features KATG fave Carrie Gravenson discussing Keith’s life-changing hack when he hosts parties, how to get to where you’re going if you don’t know how to get there, how to be there for your partner, and The Don’t Bother Travel Show. BUT FIRST: Keith reminds us to appreciate the things that make you happy and to take advantage of your friendships (in the good way). He also breaks down the important aspects of the beginning of the 2026-27 NFL season and teaches how to steal all their games.

Keith’s going to the theme park Carowinds in North Carolina today with his last theme park visit being 8 years ago with Kennywood in Pennsylvania. Will he come back in one piece? Will he even know how to come back? In this episode featuring love-at-the-time Kyle Ocasio, we revisit his last trip to a major theme park so that he can remember how to conduct himself and if he should expect to have a good time. From Kyle and Chemda comparing notes on dating Keith to Kyle visiting The Malleys, this is a good time capsule on what it’s like being with The Kid.

A peak back with Keith, Chemda, Kyle Ocasio, and her son Benny. From Crocs controversy, airplane seat-reclining controversy, and the ending of The Dad Emails to Keith’s new family—The Ocasios—and his first trip to San Juan. Oh and Benny never forgets 9/11. (You hear how fatherly Keith is?! Now that’s how it’s done, Dad!!!)

KATG episode 4,000 reminded some people of past insanity and beefs, so this episode recalls one of the greatest and—no pun—one of the most awkward KATG shows ever. The meat of this episode is from 2010 and features Keith and Chemda promoting Victor Varnado’s The Awkward Comedy Show with fellow performers Marina Franklin, Hannibal Buress, Marina Franklin, Baron Vaughn, and (let’s not forget) Marina Franklin.

KEITH SAW A MOVIE HE LOVES! KEITH SAW A MOVIE HE LOVES! Yep, it’s true! Keith saw the biographical comedy-DRAMA(!!!) “I Swear,” and he cried his brains out in the best way. That led to him revisiting Benny Feldman—one of his favorite KATG guests—who was truly an open book regarding what it’s like being a stand-up comedian with Tourette syndrome. Also, Keith still has the best refrigerator contents in the game.

Just today, Keith got a spam call from ReadersMagnet, a scam company trying to take advantage of independent authors. This reminded him of the first time he happened to be called by the very same literary scouts some years ago while recording a live Keith and The Girl episode with Chemda and Andrea Allan. Today we re-listen to this classic KATG reverse prank call after discussing the arcade selections at ARCADE.gov and if there’s trouble in The Dog Pound.

Some of the best of The Chat Pack, aka; Big Dick Blaine, Neal, Hayley, Bryan, Roland, Newsy, Matthew, and Diana join Keith to celebrate Keith and Chemda’s podcast of well over 21 years by recognizing this very episode. This sexy octet does their best to help Keith recall 3,999 episodes by letting him know how they found KATG and what stood out the most: the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly. Interspersed with clips from the past, this show might make your head spin, but you’ll definitely laugh and cry. If you have feelings. I know Keith sure does.

Hey, you guys ever get a … hold on, lemme look this up. [Dictionary Preferences: 2 words ("blow job") preferred by Merriam-Webster and the Oxford English Dictionary. 1 word ("blowjob") preferred by the American Heritage Dictionary.] Anyway, you ever get one? HOLY MAGOLEY!

Keith, Buddy, Big Dick, and Killer finish their recording session discussing Virtual Reality “games” (you know the kind), the truly greatest BBQ spot in Charlotte, The Diamond Dogs’ tattoos, and the epic concert of Extreme, Tesla, and I guess Mötley Crüe.

“A podcaster, a Canadian, a football coach, and a Texan walk into a bar.” The trio continues recapping their awesome weekend of friendship and whores as we learn everything you ever wanted to know about a strip club but were afraid to ask.

All 4 of the dogs are together! Thanks to Keith’s excellent planning, he’s joined by the whole gang featuring Big Dick Blaine, Buddy Rick, and Killer Kyle. BBQ? CHECK! Guns? CHECK! Titties? CHECK! Theme Park? Pardon?

It’s only been 24 hours into Boys’ Weekend, and Keith and Big Dick Blaine already have plenty of ridiculousness to yap about. Before Buddy Rick and Killer Kyle arrive, the duo not only teach you the sincere foolproof way to be a millionaire, but they also discuss the amazing movies Nirvanna the Band the Show the Movie (96%) and Busboys (literally no rating), Keith’s and their mothers’ cooking, the disingenuous tricks at Keith’s pool, and looking up Charlotte strip I mean gentlemen’s clubs.

New Madden! New VR mini golf course! And the games never stop!!! On this final Robert Alvarez re-listen, we also check in with co-guests Rockstar Brother Love, “HellKat” Katharine Heller, and Bad Boy Newsy thanks to listener-producers Shahrum & Heather, who cast this very episode. Before the party begins, Keith shares his thoughts on Father Malley using ChatGPT, Trump’s Sunshine Protection Act, a Shake Shack employee robbing his own Shake Shack before returning to work, and the upcoming boys’ weekend featuring guns, breasts, roller coasters, and Mötley Crüe I mean Tesla and Extreme. On with the show.

12 years later, The Psychic Witch Robert Alvarez returns, this time over video during COVID; but still, nothing can slow him down (even the poltergeist he apparently lives with). Keith and Chemda catch up on Robert’s life, learn the future of their own lives, and get even more personal with The Great One.

It’s literally a house of dragons, silver and otherwise. Along with Robert Alvarez, Keith and Chemda are joined by their friend and cancer and lightning survivor Jeremy to cover the news of the day and the news of the future. Before that, Keith discusses his latest post-romance feelings, calling a 900 sex line, and using The Strangers: Chapters 2 and 3 to heal. Also, it’s officially the beginning of the new NFL season, and Keith made his football bets; which, to be clear, his psychic guide is very positive about.

The greatest psychic ever is back! And Robert Alvarez is here too! (WINK) Keith, Chemda, and Robert join forces to figure out the future of Mike, one of their greatest interns. They also take calls, do speed-readings, and deal with April pendejos.

Today we play a section from Keith and Chemda’s record-breaking 76-hour marathon featuring Witch Robert Alvarez (that’s okay to say) psychically reading in-studio guests as well as callers over the phone. From love, money, and travels to something else I’m sure, it all gets covered. Also, there’s animosity in the room, but Robert can’t be deterred from rising above it all.

It’s now 2008, and during the time when Keith and Chemda were dating, psychic witch Robert Alvarez made his second appearance. The hosts cover the previous predictions Robert has made, and they grade him accordingly. Mr. Alvarez also blesses us with more fast-paced call-in readings and, with the work of spirit guide David, helps Keith and Chemda find Keith’s opener for his upcoming stand-up show Sue Everybody. Oh, and Robert lets Chemda know if she’ll be having sex with a woman.

We’re celebrating Robert Alvarez! Oh, don’t worry; he’s very much alive! (As of press time.) We’re just going to spend this week revisiting one of KATG’s greatest guests. Robert has appeared with his mystical how-ya-doin’s since 2007, and we’re gonna look back and check on his work. The beginning of these episodes will have a fresh introduction, and these shows will now end with a track from whatever stand-up album Keith performed that year. With audio remastered while in all its original glory, this call-in episode is the day Keith and Chemda, along with KATG intern JessNYC, met the best in the business.

It’s now officially been 6 months since Keith last saw his ex-girlfriend, but this got him through a rough day: “To reconnect to the person who hurt you is disrespectful to the version of you who suffered.” Enjoy.

Keith and Chemda were blessed with Bianca and Andrea doing book reports of Father Malley’s tomes. Today we remember His Majesty. Also God’s.

(Chronic KATG Poker Champ) Keith (yes, AGAIN) shares his thoughts on his breakup now reaching its 5-month mark. He also discusses his upcoming hair metal date with the guys, his thoughts on Senator Lindsey Graham’s passing (take a guess), Christopher Nolan’s new 6-hour film The Odyssey, and New Jersey’s own Johnny Gabagool. Then he reveals that the Father Malley Gold Story has an ending! Keith sums up the FBI’s payout regarding the missing gold that Father Malley’s clairvoyance located in 1974. We then remember the time Keith and his brother Ken covered the story in the first place with The Atlantic article featuring their dad titled A LOST TROVE OF CIVIL WAR GOLD, AN FBI EXCAVATION, AND SOME VERY ANGRY TREASURE HUNTERS.

America celebrated her 250th birthday. And man does she look it. HELLER! Anyway, Keith is back with close friend and KATG great Katharine Heller. Katharine just returned to NYC from visiting Keith in Charlotte, and she’s ready to report on her findings. Was Keith a good host? Did Keith brag about having a perfect refrigerator yet not have simple classic yellow mustard? Did Keith’s water go out on Vacation Day 2? Did the two of them watch Louis CK: Ridiculous, Corey Feldman vs the World, the SNL documentary Lorne, and Spielberg's Disclosure Day? Did the Supreme Court make it official that President Trump indeed raped E. Jean Carroll? Who won the 2026 Nathan's Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest? Did Taylor Swift marry the football guy at Madison Square Garden? Did Keith sleep in til 5 pm on Vacation Day 3? Did Keith set the bar winning all three 3 KATG poker games in one day? Did Saadia murder Keith? Only one way to find out.

Keith is going to have the second person ever in his Charlotte home after over a year! How will he fare, and how is his brain mentally and otherwise? It’s all right here.

Turns out that Keith’s not the only writer in the Malley family. Keith and brother Ken celebrated Christmas by recalling what was found cleaning out their family home. Keith’s siblings discovered a heartbreaking story written by their Mom about her marrying a loser and ruining her life as well as an email sent to her by their dad explaining how he almost died over hearing that she doesn’t understand his concerns over expired food. (His entire body went LIMP all day long over this, and yet she better not dare share how suicide MIGHT be a way for her to get away from his stupidity. HE WILL NOT BE PART OF THAT!)

More about Dad. Even less to know. HAPPY FATHER’S DAY

For real though, peace and love to all the good fathers out there; and to all the happy spouses, lovers, and childrens: Good for you. This is more for the rest of us. Good God.

In honor of the world celebrating Father’s Day, this week Keith will look back at the VIP-featured KATG spin-off show Daddy Issues which began in COVID-era 2020 with episodes that feature his youngest brother Ken trying to help make sense of their father and their upbringing. We’re happy for all of you in loving families with caring fathers that got to celebrate the weekend. This now, however, is for the rest of us.

Happy Juneteenth! Keith is waving his flags today. (In the good way!) With the fellow Diamond Dogs he discusses his favorite teams winning all the sports, President Trump’s Pride UFC birthday party, Tony Hinchcliffe’s Man of the People “stand-up” (very) special (Rotten Tomatoes: 5% [prayerhands.emoji]), and Michael Jackson: The Verdict. The gang also revisit Objectum Sexuality and the Eiffel Tower’s wife’s divorce to be with an ordinary fence.

The 1-year anniversary of Keith moving to Charlotte did a number on him, but is he about to, in fact, be back in the saddle? And is this healthy? And what are you, a doctor? Rod Morrow joins KATG for all the ins, outs, and others of Keith’s life, including discussions on how to calm a woman down, Freedom 250’s AWOL artists, and 4D rom-coms.

Hell yeah! Nothing says it’s summertime like an atmospheric firehose! Hope you had a grand Memorial Weekend and that you let Bret Michaels honor the fallen in peace. Now let’s party! NYC hosts half of the top 50 pizza spots in America and holds court in the top 5 spots in the entire world. Now in Charlotte, Keith skips Cook Out to try out America’s 41st best: Pizza Baby. Keith also reviews entertainment juggernauts Star Wars: The Mandalorian & Yoda and The Boys series finale. He also dives into AI, featuring: ChatGPT making an animation based on Keith’s new book, revisiting Keith trying to get Grok to speak to him as an apologetic ex, and Taxi Driver screenwriter Paul Schrader telling us that his AI girlfriend broke up with him. AD: This episode is brought to you by the new Shit Number smart toilet. “Precision analytics for your daily business.”

Keith is here to announce that … he CAN swim? Hm. Anyway, Keith has the introduction to his new book about a blindsided break-up reviewed, discusses new Drake, flashbacks to the great Gilbert Gottfried, and gets to the bottom of military submarine Steve and Tom-foolery. Skank you for listening.

It’s been exactly three months since Keith’s major break-up. He thinks he’s finally doing okay. Is he?

Keith is back with his church of scars, and nothing’s keeping him down. Keith has finally figured out why the love of his life left him, and he’s going to try to work on being a different person. He also discusses learning the history of the Charlotte-established fast food joint Bojangles, and he eavesdrops on a Bojangles potential hiring. Keith gives us an update on the Coldplay Kiss Cam Couple, Donald Trump’s golfing prowess, Jeffrey Epstein’s supposed suicide note before his “failed attempt”, and the deadly cruise ship hantavirus outbreak. You can shake Keith cold, shake Keith cold; but yet, his soul can’t be sold.

Keith is crying tough through comedy. He discusses the end of Spirit Airlines, the passing of his broken-hearted neighbor, Timothée Chalamet forcing a scene in Marty Supreme where he gets smacked on his bare bottom with a ping pong paddle, The Devil Wears Prada 2, Michael 1, and the Antichrist.