Knee Deep

I always thought the function of being notified ofincoming spam was to let me know there is someone suspicious calling, but I never thought in a million years that person would be me. Sad America, it’s true, we are our own worst spam-enemy.

Noise, growth, and color…the glorious trifecta of Spring.Acceleration is in the air, and my new theory of Re-Jeffing is revving into action and gaining momentum. Is there too much of anything springy this time of year? Not on your life, or your honeysuckle vine either…  

On paper, it looked like Duke had it in the hoop, but when you take the X-factor out of an equation, you get a kind of basketball madness that anyone can win at the buzzer. I was trying to make that UConn shot in my dreams, but the math wasn’t adding up and I couldn’t score to save my life.

Walt Disney had an answer for everything when it came to animals, except he couldn't teach our new pet, a toad, when to hold its tongue and back off.

Alone in the Arctic. Starving. Cold. Lonely. As long as we had our couch, our TV and each other, there'd be no tapping out.

In the middle of Winter, we find ourselves in a spot where our balance is shaky. We are in the in-between, the part that is drifting and loose as we wait for new beginnings. A toy robot, Mr. Machine, shows us what is happening in that space, and he stands ready to kick things into gear in the midst of our drift, the drift of Winter.

We get our share of snow dustings here in EvanspatchIndiana, little false starts, but the real stuff does crazy things to us whenit comes. It changes our DNA. We return to some primordial state. We shift into anxiety mode and believe it is our responsibility to add to the general sense of panic and mayhem in the community. We don’t know what to do exactly, but whatever it is, we will need a map and a bread and milk sandwich.

Everyone loves a dark horse. IU’s winning football season has swept everyone off their couches into the winning zone of state pride.  We buried our heads in some infertile turf over the last five decades, waiting and hoping for a winning season, and we are ready to show the world Hoosier Daddy.

What is up with the word “sick” anyway? I’m sorry but there was not a chance on God’s green earth that I was going to adopt that word when I had an entire history of awesome words to choose from. Yet,  2026 needed a different slant. Maybe it was time I abandoned my favorite exclamations for something really cool.

Sometimes we have to get very small to become available for the season of Christmas. If we don’t, we may miss that first hint of magic that is in the air and a small miracle that is within our grasp. 

Having your tonsils removed may be the first time we realized we don’t get to keep everything we get. Even so, I thought Show and Tell might delay the process, even celebrate it, when I brought what had been removed from my throat to school in a jar.

It stands to reason that the phrases “antique show” and“space technology” probably shouldn’t be used in the same sentence. Be that as it may, when a vintage astronaut suit I found turned into a wardrobe malfunction, I was calling Houston to tell them I had a problem.

The loud and the brash may tell us that we have much to fear. Yet just down the block the church bells chime softly, reminding us that hope is alive and singing. We can hear it if we open our front door and let it in.

Here in the Midwest, we don’t like a lot of change. We arein the middle, not on the edge. We like variety, but we like our constants more. So, when our cross-town highway started to go sideways this summer we began to retreat to our alternative roads, the ones less travelled…

Fear of heights in this country is pretty common – like sixout of every ten people, but what about fear of heights and tall bridges and really large people and semi-trucks and losing your pants in public, and…?

“I like you the most when… Always stay sweet…Remember mewhen you are famous.” Usually we read these messages on yearbooks this time as school closes and summer begins. I saw them all flash by meon a pink Cadillac recently and began to think the message for my future might be in for a long ride...

There’s all kinds of great sayings out there about thedifference between having good sight and good vision. One is physical of course, the other touches on our dreams and goals. Yet, when you have to wear bifocals, good sight and a healthy vision can overlap like in this story, and become an embarrassing blur…

The smallest spaces are the universes we stop to peerinto. They are made from beetles and Hosta and partly watched TV shows. Try this on: “You go ahead of me, I’m in no hurry,” and watch a slow walk become a new universe appear before your eyes.  

When my father passed away last week I imagined him finally meeting all of his golf heroes in Heaven's pro shop who would help him fine tune his chip shot and putting game. While I never matched his par as a golfer when I was a kid, as his caddy I did manage to come up with a few trick shots of my own.

Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow? Well,don’t follow the lines in that poem or you may come up empty handed this gardening season. Underneath that soil, there's a lot that is not contrary at all, and a lot of hard work we don't see that reaps a harvest of a lasting and special kind.  

What we see in our life here on earth are but smallsnapshots of the greater vision that God has planned for us. We can look into each other’s eyes, but the bigger picture of the depths of our souls and character are known only by the One who made us. My father, 102, is seeing the bigger picture now and although still spunky and sometimes talkative, often looks past me, towards a new and beautiful vista.

They are among the least, the lost and the lonely – those puppets propped up at local car washes. They are supposedly there for children, but the looks on their faces tell another story. We grown-ups may be the only upper hand they have in this world, but with a steady line of clear coats and tire shines waiting, reaching out to save them may be a wash…

We officially kick off the new green and greenery of the season when our seasonal pet mallards, Maude and Claude drop in like a couple of duck bombs out of nowhere. They are like long lost relatives that remind us that, regardless of the duck bills and paddle feet, we are just who we are, part of a long line of stories building to a legacy.

You are seeking something aren't you? What is it? A person you miss, a goal left unmet? Around there are signs all around you in the woods that may point to answers, to friends at a picnic, to goodnight kisses and flowers that are ready to bloom in the Spring...

Winter sits heavy like a spoon mired in oatmeal, unmoving,bland and monotonous. For those of us in the middle, in the midst of our drift, we approach the drudgery of winter as if we may have to eat oatmeal for months. Eventually, we begin to reflect, renew our senses, and pay homage to the season.We can embrace a vision here and there, take on a forgotten dream, and let the songbirds at the feeder carry us forward.  

Be careful where you wave your hand. In an attempt to create an antiseptic experience, we have abdicated the public restroom and replaced it with a giant motion detector that controls us like a Jetson cartoon. Perhaps we should wash our hands of all modern appliances, leave them for the younger generation and use the Port-o-Potty down the street.

We are coming down on the side of so what, a side where apathy and awareness are mixed in a blender and drunk like a protein shake. It’s a side we all may all be seeking – we just don’t know it yet...

Fires. Loss. Desperation. The onion we call life has peeled back another pungent layer that makes our eyes water. The faces we see in California are in pain, and our land is ablaze. It is our country we watch, and perhaps we recognize in each face something we recognize in our own.

During this last ice storm, I lost some of my desire to plummet down a ski slope at breakneck speed, and zoom into a rustic log cabin wrapped in a bright cellophane outfit. That is because I recently had a front row seat to a real-life, amazing assault on Mt. Everest, right here at home.

When we map out the new year of 2025, it helps to make some concrete decisions about what we believe in. Will we allow life to impose its will on us or will we be the captain of our ship this year? At the end of the day, will we look back and see that we let our destiny slip away as we waited for a lucky strike? With a brand-new beginning in front of us, its a golden opportunity to lean into something much, much better than beginner’s luck. 

It was just a few days before Christmas and I was surrounded by thousands of other spectators at my first NFL football game. However, the last second field goals and end zone dances all paled by comparison when a special audible was called by our Quarterback at the end of the game.    

Hummmmm♪♪♪ “And so this is Christmas, and what have you made? Another huge pancake, fills up the whole plate.” …not exactly John Lennon, but I think he’d agree on this one. Pancakes warm the world over like a huge blanket on Christmas morning. I get my fifteen minutes of fame in the kitchen every Christmas day and serve up my own version of griddlecakes for the betterment of all mankind... and grumbling stomachs.

The holiday season is creeping up on us like the second hand in a scary movie. No one hears the ticking until the camera zooms in on the Gothic clock and the last few seconds tick off in slow motion. Will we make it out of the holiday twilight zone before the clock strikes twelve? That all depends on what aisle in the grocery store you make your move.

Toys change when they fall in the hands of a kid also because kids think like smaller versions of the toy inventor. My brother and I were no exceptions. We quickly bored of our new toys on Christmas morning, which offered irresistible, if not disturbing possibilities. However, someone unexpected became the queen toy inventor for the day.

Whatever dish you are adding to the mix at the table may fall flat if bad manners are oozing off the edges. Time to ramp up the etiquette and leave our Viking nature at the door. Gratefulness has lots of looks and one of them is table manners!

A truck that is about to fall apart, the blankness of a highway, a horizon that never stop. The definition of dullness takes on a new meaning, and it wasn’t “pumpkin.” With loneliness comes introspection, and when my highway fog had pierced the core of my rudeness, whatever I thought was so gol-danged important about Mr. Pumpkin, in the end, did not hold a candle to the welcoming place I found on the road.

One of the great mysteries in the archives of Knee Deep history is the true identity of Mr. Pumpkin. As a leader of Pumpkin Nation, he appears to have set up housekeeping in a small diner in Montana on the Continental Divide, where a unifying magic is baked into every slice of completely neutral pumpkin pie.

The week brought all of us a new president, but the American flew even higher as my father turned 102 years old. His legacy lies sin his lifetime of service and a deep gratitude for the freedoms we enjoy in our country. Happy Birthday, and many more, Dad!

What do the words Anonymous, New England Breeze and Market Kiwi have in common? Almost nothing as it turns out – unless you are trying to pick a paint color from the encyclopedic swatches at your local paint store. How are all those colors named, anyway? (And how do you land that job?) When I went searching for the right color to paint our back porch, I uncovered some dodgy names – some with nefarious and criminal connotations – that gave me second thoughts about my final choice.

We were told growing up that subjects like politics and religion were off limits in polite conversations, especially around voting time. Jell-O salad, a much more pliable topic at our house, nonetheless came out of the same mold it always had, and no election was going to change that.

Emily Dickinson said, “I am out with lanterns looking for myself.” Hopefully, we let the light shine on the areas that reveal the real us and keep the other wild animals in their cages. If and when that lantern dims, we need others to ask us, “Do I Know You?” We may ourselves be the ones that are surprised when we reappear.  

Craziness, chaos and crisis, or levity and lightness? Where are we headed in the swarm? Perhaps, like me, a simple summer memory will inspire you to step away from the madness of the world and regain your buzzzzzz...

As Dora gains a national platform on the radio, the famed Dr. Adcock reveals Dora’s source of ignorant calories, a cosmic source that awakens Dora to the realization that her life at Trendy-Mart may be a lot more significant and…weighty… than her unremarkable diet.

Apparently, everywhere around us there are unusual sources of energy are finding ways into our bodies. In this episode, a desperate young lady, Dora, may have discovered a way to control her diet in ways you will not believe.

Perhaps it is the pesky, annoying experiences in life, the ones that sometimes bring out the worst in us, that are disguises for something called Serendipity. Those incidents where we are caught out in a rainstorm or our ice cream cone dropped in the dirt? They seem irritating at the time, but often turn into the happy accidents that harmonize into unforgettable performances. The trick is to recognize the beauty in them when they happen and enjoy them while they last.   

Before the 2024 Paris Olympics completely fade from view, I pause to look back at a sporting event that never really got off the ground. Americans and the world held their breath during a baseball game which included an exhausting pitching duel and one balloon that knocked the wind out of the Olympic stadium.    

There is no better feeling when you are a kid than the first day of summer. Teachers pulled out all the stops to keep our interests high in the classroom as the battle between education and apathy played out until that last day. Little did we know that a subversive and starchy plot was employed by the staff to maintain control until the final bell signaled the end of the school year.  

It’s possible to plan a vacation on the beach, but “planning to relax” is an oxymoron. I thought a poolside setting with a drink, some sun and good conversation was the perfect place to start the process of winding down, but the resort had other plans for me…

Our surfing hero, Sumatra Sammy has miraculously returned from a perilous World Tour, where he battled an amputation, loneliness, and a lost spirit. His quirdy attitude has something to teach us here in this exclusive interview – that our best journeys are always the ones with a loose definition of destination...

Truth is truly stranger than fiction...except when it comes to fish in a pond, and then even the truth can become muddy, like a good fish story, and take a turn towards the eerie, the unnatural and, yes, the “orange.”