PODCAST · comedy
Last Men On Earth
by Lex Jurgen & Matt Ralston
The setting is today. The male of the species has been cowered to near extinction by a combination of privileged white girl Soul Cycle feminism and excessive pass interference calls in football. From their drunken repose at a Hollywood area bar and pizza joint, Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston broadcast the last bastion of masculine thought to a dispersed audience of survivors. Like a giant dick beacon, if that’s your thing. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Episodes
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LMOE #174: Extremely Blurred Lines
Yes, it's true. Matt and I take more work vacations than the cackling chunksters on The View. Hopefully, those moments we do return to tape more shows we're not quite as stupid. Though that's clearly up for debate. On our latest and greatest Last Men on Earth podcast, we dive into the Emily...
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LMOE #173: Megan Rapinoe in a Babydoll, Now We Have Your Attention
Matt came back from the week off he demanded for Juneteenth, which is interesting because he was definitely on the slaveowner's side. Every dance has two partners. We reunited to discuss Victoria's Secret firing the Angels and going with butch soccer star and activist Megan Rapinoe in their...
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LMOE #172: Hollywood Pays Big Woke Bills
The boys are back in town again. I think because we don't have vaccine passports we're technically not allowed to leave. But beside the point. Matt and I got together at my mountaintop lair and recorded yet another Smithsonian archive level Last Men on Earth podcast episode. Someday we'll get…
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LMOE #171: Bill Gates, Pussy Magnate
Don't call it an audio comeback! We're back with a fully functional amateurish episode of Last Men on Earth. This is the one where we discuss why billionaires like Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates can't figure out until it's too late they can have hot young trophy wives, Matt explains why baseball…
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LMOE #170: The Sickly Covid Tapes
I'm not going to sugar coat this, we took a year off to hide under our couches with our various gendered fully-legal sex workers and came back and screwed up the audio recording on our very first try. I think it may be the long-term impact of Covid, even though neither of us had Covid. That's how...
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LMOE #169 - COVID, Heard Dumps, and NBA SJW
There are heroes in this life, and then there are HEROES. Like Matt and I drinking beers and eating pretzels and violating many standing COVID restrictions by our mayor, governor, and almighty W.H.O. Council of Elders by coming together for the big 169. Greatest Generation type stuff. Hold your...
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LMOE #168 - Amber Heard Lied, Kobe Died
Matt and I are on a roll. Like Mahomes to Hill, and trust me, the pitcher and receiver analogy is perfect. I'm Mahomes. Fuck it, the Niners should've won. I'm going to make Hill pay tonight. Become a Patron of Last Men on Earth and you can live forever. We do need your $1.50 for beer money. And…
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LMOE #167 - The Internet Is For Porn
Now that Matt and I are shitting out content on a regular schedule, it's time to consider your patronage of this blessed audio work. Where would the world be without the De Medici family supporting Michelangelo? Or George Soros supporting transnational sex workers? The bare, naked, honest, and...
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LMOE #166 - Lizzo Needs The Lipo
After an extended break where Matt and I each had plastic surgery to look like the other, like Face/Off, only with less straight actors, we are back and fully recharged for 2020. Our commitment to being called vile and offensive, though never wrong, remains intact. Also, my left testicle finally...
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LMOE #165 - Making a Mountain out of Katie Hill
Young people will always be idiots in the eyes of older people because older people were once young and have the hindsight to see what idiot assholes they were. It's the circle of life. This is why old people vote a ton and don't give a shit that young people don't. Also, they're bored because…
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LMOE #164 - Greta Thunberg Scold-a-thon
It's less often that Matt and I have the chance to sit down and really talk out our feelings. Like who's a fucking moron, who deserves to be felled by a tetanus-ridden cleaver, and who is so hot you'd do it with her even if she had visible scabies rashes. It's a real bearing of the souls. Support...
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LMOE #163 - Gay Balls, Straight Oppression, and The Miracle of Childbirth
You know how in every successive rap album Eminem spends half the record time apologizing for his last album being shitty and promises this one now is finally good -- that's our latest Last Men Podcast, except for the apologizing for the last one bullshit. That's pretty pussy for 8-Mile. JOIN THE...
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LMOE #162 - Game of Moans
Matt and I get a lot of heat for our irregular podcast recording schedule of late. But if you knew the difficulty arranging venues and times between Matt's ankle bracelet and school and park distance restrictions and my own rule about podcasting naked, you'd realize logistics can be tough. Only...
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LMOE #161 - Yang Gangs, Bang Gangs, and Chelsea Hooligans
Coming off my audio failures this week, I put extra effort into being profound, on-topic, and thoughtful -- or, none of the things that come naturally to me. Meh, too much work. It's like the frog and the scorpion porn clip where the girl dressed up as the frog tries to figure out why the dude...
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LMOE #160 -- The Unbroken
One thing I've learned in life is to admit when you made a mistake, learn from that mistake, then beat your children to mask your feelings of shame. Everybody has their own plan. I did manage to delete the front half of the show and somehow have an audio software that rolls circa 1988 without...
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LMOE #159 - Amy Schumer Pump and Dump
It's harder for Matt and I to get together these days, what with my running a shelter for runaway teen girls who are height-weight proportionate and hate their fathers, and Matt's multiple ankle-bracelets and restrictive curfews. So when we do meet up, we try to make it count with insightful...
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LMOE #158 - Powerlifting T's and Burkini Arousal
Nothing says kiss-ass like a men's media outlet putting together a woman's edition. There's the obligatory celebration of Serena Williams and a chick in Pakistan who was murdered for trying to attend a typing class The two hero stories being largely interchangeable. Matt and I decided to take a...
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LMOE #157 - The One With the Gay POTUS
America may now be evolved enough that we can have a completely immature discussion about what it might be like to have a sexually active gay President in the White House. Or would this ever happen? Is America ready for a male President who is crushing hard on Zac Efron? In addition to discussing...
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LMOE #156 - Cardi B Robbing and Whoring
The better part of having a show like the Last Men on Earth podcast is knowing exactly how to respond to any app tool asking if your content contains explicit language. YES. Though you might think it odd that the presence of adult language remains of utmost concern to publishers in 2019, what…
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LMOE #155 - Hollywood's Hot Women Rise Against
I don't know how your town or industry works, but here in Hollywood, a hot girl with an amazing body can't catch a break. Blonde beauties like Brie Larson and steamy hot busty Latinas like Salma Hayek struggle share a bond of oppression previously only know by Southern sharecroppers and the...
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LMOE #154 - Transgender Sports Domination
When I used to play sports, people told me I ran like a girl. Little did I know that in the future boys like me would have a chance to dominate the Connecticut High School Girls Track finals. I identify as first place! On this week's Last Men on Earth Podcast, we delve into the transgendered…
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LMOE #153 - Deadnaming, Naked Professors, and Bezos Peen
Do you ever look around this world and think to yourself, man, I'm glad Ol' Dirty Bastard died before he had to see all of this shit? No. Me neither. Though it's hard not to reminisce about a time when political correctness was roundly mocked and scolded, rather than the practical law of the…
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LMOE #152 - Andy King Going Down, Emily Ratajkowski Rising Up
I like to think of Matt and I as great detectives searching for real evidence in a worldwide case of fake news, bullshit, obfuscation, and misdirection. But, honestly, neither of us would pass a background check to be a detective in any known law enforcement office. Damn you pee tests and…
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LMOE #151 - Jussie Smollett Unraveled
We have two cross purpose phenomena in the Jussie Smollett case. First the desire to be early and loudest about an obviously just outrage over a potentially vile and brutal attack on a minority. And second, when holes in that case develop, even if you're the media or legit journalists, mitigate…
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LMOE #150 - Terry Crews Skins the Flute
You'd think after 150 episodes we'd rise above our sophomoric and juvenile antics and produce something of adult level quality and discourse. You'd think. Score one for consistency. On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast we wonder aloud why not a single sports commentator is commenting on the...
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LMOE #149 - Toxic Masculinity Don't Need No Razors
Here's an idea. Put out a tremendously simpleton and cynical sermon on social morality and when people label it simpleton and cynical, declare their defensiveness to be a certain sign that you were right. How long have you been beating your wife, Mr. Man? It's okay to hate the world. Or at least...
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LMOE #148 - R. Kelly Sweet Smell of Relief
Today was the day I think we finally said something meaningful. I can't be sure. 147 practice runs and finally, there may be an ounce of wisdom in today's show. It's not as easy being profound as people on Twitter and motivational speaker tapes and Oscars speeches make it out to be. Most people…
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LMOE #147 - Rambling Into 2019 with Louis C.K.
If this were a Friends episode, it would be called The One Where Lex and Matt ramble on because it's the New Year and also drinking beer. Though we'd have to shorten that for the TV Guide recap. Also, you'd have to have a laugh track to tell you which parts are the jokes. Nevertheless, in our…
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LMOE #146 - SMILF GILF and Merry Fucking Christmas
Before we get to our predictions for the coming year, Matt and I rounded out 2018 by dealing with some of the more profound issues facing our world. Dicks in thongs, Pete Davidson's cries for help that ought remain unanswered, feminists in Hollywood being equally as horrible a fat gross male...
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LMOE #145 - Mouncey Trouncey Women's Handball
If you don't pay attention, changes in the world can pass you by without ever even noticing them. Though you're likely to notice the 6'2", 220 pound frame of Men's Handball Champ turned Women's Handball Champ, Hannah Mouncey, as she barrels through female-born opponents like a hot, big-ass…
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LMOE #144- Natalie Portman Denounces Jessica Simpson's Boobs
The term patriarchy now seems entirely invented by feminists to pretend it's men, not women, who are tearing down women. You know how men love to judge, gossip, and snipe about how women look or act or parent. Those patriarchal men can't help but be catty. While women want nothing more than to...
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LMOE #143 - Who's Your Tranny?
This week's show as usual was dedicated to the outrage of the offended and the offenders as arbitrarily decided in this world by who shouts the loudest. Sometimes, you need to speak truth to power. Other times, you need to kick truth in the nuts to wake it up and remind all the ninnies and...
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LMOE #142 - Amazon Tease Fest and GQ Panty Waists
The world has turned upside down and all the Chinese people have fallen off. It's our job to fix what is rotten on this planet with semi-literate commentary on the week's events. It doesn't pay well, and there is no paternity leave, but everybody here speaks English and can take a dick joke. So...
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LMOE #141 - #IAmSexist
The entire premise of this little 100,000,000 audience strong Last Men on Earth podcast is that men are under siege in these times of feminist planet hijackings. As if women can fly. Just kidding. No I'm not. Make this stop. When we began the show a few years ago, it was mostly that. Never did we...
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LMOE #140 - Sarah Silverman Comes Up Spunky
Moral outrage is directly proportional to the general number of skeletons in one's closet. Normal people good with their soul compass don't feel a need to lecture others on right and wrong. People who used to giggle and clap while Louis C.K. tugged one out on the living room couch tend to cover...
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LMOE #139 - Liz Warren Go Whoop Whoop
Pro Tip of the Day: no matter how much you love your rub and tug masseuse, continue to use your fake name. This comes to us from a guy who just woke up in Bangkok with a rip-roaring headache and only one kidney. On this week's Last Men on Earth Podcast, Matt and I delve into Elizabeth Warren's...
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LMOE #138 - White Chicks Are Crazy Angry
This is no time for White Males to stand up and be counted. The stanzas of simplistic chants directed at your patriarchal domineering alone are enough to make you want to build a rocket ship and aim toward a new sun. Nevertheless, Matt and I, the two whitest males in the history of alabaster...
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LMOE #137 - Ronaldo Steals Stink, Lindsay Lohan Arabic Kidnappings
It's easy to assume the world is going crazy, because it is. Not in that slow, stepped way either. Nope, like overnight, that woman you knew as the helpful town pharmacist for 40 years is on the roof spraying bullets to stop the alien invasion. In that analogy, the world is the chunky lady with…
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LMOE #136 - Cosby Rape, Kavanaugh Rape Accused, Pete Davidson Rape Face
There's simply a ton of raping going on these days. Don't let the stats fool you. Cosby raped a bunch of women's toes and ears. Brett Kavanaugh raped his liver in high school, if not a girl with a very squeaky voice, and Matt raped our toilet here after eating some bad cheap seafood. What ever...
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LMOE #135 - Brett Kavanaugh Raping the 80's
And now you find yourself in '82 The disco hotspots hold no charm for you Yeah, this was bound to happen. The 36-year old career blocking sort of rape sort of remember high school party unwanted grope alleged of SCOTUS nominee, Brett Kavanaugh. The ensuing imbroglio and media firestorm has pitted...
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LMOE #134 - Serena Williams Muscle-Bound Brat
I always joke about how this episode is going into the Smithsonian. None of these episodes are headed for official government or museum archives. But somewhere I like to think Larry Flynt is burying time capsules full of his era's most obscene content and we'll be Saran-wrapped next to Jugs. Dare...
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LMOE #133 - Louis C.K. Untugged
The benefit of a modern digital and omnipresent media is the ability to know the sick and disturbing truths about anyone and anything we once held dear. Wait, I meant, that's the downside. The benefit is free porn. Easy to forget the distinction, even if it is the basis of our little weekly...
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LMOE #132 - Asia Argento #SheToo
Of course, certain stories just drop right into your lap like exotic dances on the make. When Asia Argento and her sisters armed with venom at the seedy Hollywood system and its even seedier players, you simply knew shoes would drop in all sorts of directions. Partly based on the fact Harvey...
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LMOE #131 - Banana Hammocks and Women With Man Hands
I never thought this little podcast of ours would become the most profound and thoughtful take on the times we live in. And I was right. Not even close. However, if you listen regularly, and without falling into a fentanyl coma, you will learn a thing or two. Like Mister Rogers with swear words…
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LMOE #130 - Roger Ailes Is Dead and Fat and In a Movie
There are days I don't want to get out of bed. But not podcast show days. Those are the times I raise myself by sheer force of will and find the strength to share the truth with the world. Also, cocaine mixed with Maxwell House. More the latter really. Everybody must do their part. Check out this...
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LMOE #129 - Straight White Men, The Male Bashing Musical
Being a straight white male comes with tremendous privileges. The secret clubs come to mind where we hand each other the keys to the kingdom and recommit ourselves to denying access to all others. Not all that secret; we meet in the back of Carrows every other Tuesday, codename: Kiwanis. With all...
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LMOE #128 - Gay Conversion Sleep-away Camp
Sometimes I wonder if two half-breeds with poor work habits can actually save this gaseous spinning orb. Then I remember that's the precise winning character formula of every space opera ever. So Matt and I persist. Not because we must, but because we long ago forgot where the door is. On this...
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LMOE #127 - Sexual Mummification
Neither the rockets red glare nor the illegal Mexi-fireworks bursting in air could sway Matt and I from our appointed recording rounds to knock out LMOE #127. America! You're far from perfect, but you're still the girl at the dance everybody wants to feel up. On this week's podcast we delve into...
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LMOE #126 - The Chrissy Teigen Breast Pump Dump
My grandmother once told me, there's a reason they don't have boxing in the Special Olympics. She left it at that. It took me nearly two decades to figure out what she meant. And no, I'm not telling you. You've got nineteen years to beat me. On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast, Matt fights...
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LMOE #125 - Gender Studies Breach
June is Offensive Podcast Appreciation month, I'm fairly sure, need to look that up. Matt and I were determined to add some nuggets of wisdom and truth to our crap salad of words this week in honor of the celebration. Did we succeed? Probably not. I think we need a life coach. On this week's Last...
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
The setting is today. The male of the species has been cowered to near extinction by a combination of privileged white girl Soul Cycle feminism and excessive pass interference calls in football. From their drunken repose at a Hollywood area bar and pizza joint, Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston broadcast the last bastion of masculine thought to a dispersed audience of survivors. Like a giant dick beacon, if that’s your thing.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
HOSTED BY
Lex Jurgen & Matt Ralston
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does Last Men On Earth have?
Last Men On Earth currently has 150 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is Last Men On Earth about?
The setting is today. The male of the species has been cowered to near extinction by a combination of privileged white girl Soul Cycle feminism and excessive pass interference calls in football. From their drunken repose at a Hollywood area bar and pizza joint, Lex Jurgen and Matt Ralston broadcast...
How often does Last Men On Earth release new episodes?
Last Men On Earth publishes regularly with 150 episodes available. Check the episode list for the typical release schedule.
Where can I listen to Last Men On Earth?
You can listen to Last Men On Earth on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts Last Men On Earth?
Last Men On Earth is created and hosted by Lex Jurgen & Matt Ralston.
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