Let's Talk About Sex, Really

Send us Fan MailIn this episode, Dr. Alisa Kriegel opens up a candid and empowering conversation about sexuality in midlife and beyond. Challenging the widespread belief that sex declines with age, she shares both research and personal experience to show that desire, intimacy, and pleasure can continue—and even deepen—later in life.Drawing from her own journey after a 25-year sexless marriage, Dr. Kriegel explores how many women in their 40s and 50s enter a period of rediscovery, prioritizing their own needs and redefining what pleasure looks like. She also addresses common physical changes, including vaginal dryness and erectile dysfunction, emphasizing that these are manageable with the right tools—from lubricants and moisturizers to medical support.The episode highlights the importance of communication, self-exploration, and expanding the definition of sex beyond penetration. With insights from research on “magnificent sex” and real-life examples, Dr. Kriegel reframes aging as an opportunity for deeper connection, creativity, and fulfillment.Because great sex isn’t about age—it’s about mindset, communication, and curiosity.✨ Key TakeawaysSexual pleasure does not expire with age—it evolvesPain is common—but not normal or necessaryMoisture + lubrication = comfort + confidenceExpanding your definition of sex leads to more fulfilling experiencesKey Resources from This Episode📚 Must-ReadMagnificent Sex: Lessons from Extraordinary Lovers, 2020,                             by Peggy KleinplatzResearch-backed insights showing that deeply fulfilling sex often improves with age—and is rooted in connection, not performance.💧 Vaginal Health (Dryness & Comfort)Revaree Vaginal Moisturizer, from BonafideHyaluronic acid insert that restores moisture and reduces pain during sex.Good Clean Love Restore Vaginal Gel ·pH-balanced moisturizing gel that supports hydration and vaginal health.Hyaluronic acid–based moisturizers are widely recommended for menopause-related dryness and tissue repair. 💦 Lubricants (For Comfort During Sex)Look for water- or silicone-based lubricants to prevent micro-tears and improve comfort.Please support and follow on instagram at Let'sTalkAboutSex__Really 🧡

Send us Fan MailIn this short episode, Alisa reflects on something simple that can bring couples closer: reading together.After a recent book event where a couple shared that they had been reading her memoir aloud to each other, Alisa began thinking about the quiet intimacy that can grow from sharing words on a page. Reading together invites conversation, curiosity, and connection — without pressure.It’s a small practice that can open the door to deeper understanding and meaningful dialogue.Sometimes the simplest rituals create the most powerful moments of connection.

Send us Fan MailIs your relationship feeling more like a "roommate" dynamic than a romantic one? You aren’t alone. Statistics show that 25-40% of couples find themselves in a sexless cycle—but understanding why is the first step toward reconnection.In this episode: Dr. Alisa Kriegel explores the psychological and physiological layers of intimacy. Moving beyond the "performance pressure" of holidays like Valentine’s Day, she breaks down the science of why desire disappears and, more importantly, how to bring it back safely.Key highlights include:The Dual Control Model: Understanding your "gas pedal" and your "brakes" (and why hitting the gas doesn't work if the brakes are still on).Co-Regulation: How to use Polyvagal theory to create a sense of safety and calm with your partner.Bridging Activities: Practical, non-sexual ways to rebuild safety and intimacy without the pressure of "performance."The 9-Second Rule: Two simple exercises you can do tonight to synchronize your nervous systems and lower stress.Whether you are navigating a medical change, a libido mismatch, or years of silence, this episode offers a compassionate, shame-free roadmap back to connection.Get my book HEREFollow this podcast's INSTAGRAM

Send us Fan MailI'm back from a brief hiatus during which time my memoir, "From Sexless Marriage To Sex Goddess," launched. I struggled before publishing, and even after, with the idea that psychologists aren't supposed to do this: I'm not supposed to be vulnerable or honest about my life. In many ways, this is true for most of us. We're rarely encouraged or taught to be vulnerable. Yet, this is the first step to connection. There are too many people struggling with sexless relationships and their own shame or issues around sex. Sharing my story, a story that is rarely spoken out loud, needs to be heard. I realized that I needed to get real to heal, not just myself, but others. “We’re trained to stay out of the story — but sometimes the story is the work.This episode is an invitation, and hopefully an inspiration to take a step toward change, to tell your story. Even if you're told you aren't supposed to.🧡Read my story:  "From Sexless Marriage to Sex Goddess, A Memoir"

Send us Fan MailIn this episode, Dr. Alisa shares her recommendations for natural products to address moisture and dryness issues, focusing on two of her favorite brands Medicine Mama and Foria.  Listen in to learn about common misconceptions about dryness and the importance of lubrication during sex and using lubricants for a positive sexual experience. She shares various products that she has on repeat including arousal oils and intimacy melts.  To note: she is not being paid for her promotion, although samples are always welcome 😉Dr. Alisa shares her passion for promoting products that enhance pleasure and connection, while always encouraging the importance of open conversations about sex!Follow her on Instagram for more information and ideas!Let's Talk About Sex, ReallyIf you have a question or topic you'd like her to address, please DM her or email her through her website:https://alisakriegel.comThank you!

Send us Fan MailIn today's podcast, Dr. Alisa discusses the concept of sex positivity and its importance in your personal life, romantic relationships and in society as we move away from a puritanical narrative to a more open-minded approach. Listen in to learn more about open communication, boundaries, and consent in relationships. She also shares  her personal journey which lead to her upcoming memoir: "From Sexless Marriage to Sex Goddess." Dr. Alisa encourages listeners to embrace and celebrate their sexuality through self-exploration and various resources, while promoting a sex-positive viewpoint that emphasizes self-awareness, acceptance of individual differences, and the importance of pleasure and consent.Resources in this PodcastEmily Nagoski, Come as You areEsther Perel, Where Do We BeginWanderlust Mindful Intimacy CardsFind more info about me and links for my book and podcast at:https://alisakriegel.comLet's Talk About Sex, Really / InstagramAlisa Kriegel Author / InstagramMy Youtube Channel Thank you for listening!XxxDr. Alisa

Send us Fan MailIn this episode, Dr. Alisa Kriegel discusses and defines the hormonal changes of perimenopause and menopause, along with their impact on various physical and emotional symptoms. She makes recommendations for maintaining sexual health during this period, and shares a personal experience which influenced how her gynecologist now talks to patients in peri-menopause regarding fertility! Listen in for insights on hormone replacement therapy, the importance of consulting specialized hormone doctors, and the natural changes in sexuality that both men and women experience with age.Whether you may be going through this in your life or your partner is, this is an important conversation to understand the impact of these changes and how to minimize their effect on your life!Resources from this episode:https://drjengunter.comhttps://www.heytabu.com/pages/abouthttps://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/01/magazine/menopause-hot-flashes-hormone-therapy.html?unlocked_article_code=1.I08.tRum.VdlDiBKYgnT6&smid=url-share https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/746824/dare-i-say-it-by-naomi-watts/Find more info about me and links for my book and podcast at:https://alisakriegel.comLet's Talk About Sex, Really / InstagramAlisa Kriegel Author / InstagramMy Youtube Channel Thank you for listening!XxxDr. Alisa

Send us Fan MailThis is my first movie/show review about a new show that has been getting a lot of buzz lately. I've been seeing sexy posters all over NYC for this new FX limited series starring Michelle Williams and the cover of NY Magazine touted it as the "kinkiest show on TV."  So, is it? Does it live up to the hype.  How kinky is it? I had to see for myself. And after a weekend binge I'm here to give you the lowdown.

Send us Fan MailAre you curious to know more about open marriages or polyamorous relationships?  In this episode of "Let's Talk About Sex Really," Dr. Alisa Kriegel dives into the world of non-monogamy. With her expertise as a therapist and personal research, she explores the realities of open relationships, polyamory, and consensual non-monogamy. Dr. Kriegel dispels the myths, emphasizing that true non-monogamy isn’t about affairs or casual flings—it’s about communication, consent, and honesty. She discusses the challenges (jealousy!), the tools (like "R.A.D.A.R talks"), and the work required to make these relationships thrive. Whether you're curious or committed, this episode offers insights and resources, including recommended reads like The Ethical Slut and Polysecure. Tune in for a no-shame, real talk on what non-monogamy truly means.Check out YouTube for the video!***Explore Dr. Alisa's recommendations from this episode!*** Book & Articles:  "The Ethical Slut" by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy    URL: https://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Third-Practical-Relationships/dp/0399579664  "Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships" by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá**     URL: https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Stray-Modern-Relationships/dp/0061707813  "Multi-Amory: Essential Tools for Modern Relationships" (related to the Multiamory podcast/book)     URL: https://www.amazon.com/Multiamory-Essential-Tools-Modern-Relationships/dp/1637740832  "I Opened My Marriage. Maybe I Should Have Tried an Affair" (New York Magazine, The Cut) by Haley Mlotekhttps://www.thecut.com/article/open-marriage-divorce.htmlAdditional Resources:Multiamory Podcast (Official Website)*    URL: https://www.multiamory.com  RADAR Talk Resource (from Multiamory)    URL: https://www.multiamory.com/radar  "Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy" by Jessica Fern   URL: https://www.amazon.com/Polysecure-Attachment-Consensual-Nonmonogamy/dp/1944934987  "From Sexless Marriage to Sex Goddess: A Memoir" by Alisa KriegelURL:  https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/From-Sexless-Marriage-to-Sex-Goddess/Alisa-Kriegel/9798896360063  Podcast Instagram: Let’s Talk About Sex Really**     URL: https://www.instagram.com/letstalkaboutsex_really  General Non-Monogamy Communities and Courses:     - Dr. Kriegel references online courses, groups, and therapist networks specializing in polyamory and kink. For exploration, consider:       - [Polyamory Weekly Podcast](https://polyweekly.com/)       - [Open Love Communities](https://www.openlove101.com/)  Enjoy exploring these resources, and let curiosity guide your journey! 🤔💕

Send us Fan MailIn today's episode Dr. Alisa Kriegel discusses the need for a broader definition of sex, moving beyond traditional view of "sex" mainly referring to penetration & "p in v" intercourse.  By expanding how we define sex with also expand the many ways we can explore sex and pleasure. As always, she encourages open conversations with your partner for all the ways to experience sensual and sexual touch and pleasure. References in the podcast:NY Times article on the Orgasm Gaphttps://www.nytimes.com/2024/08/06/well/family/orgasm-gap-women-age.html?smid=url-shareEmily Nagoski, PhD, Come TogetherIan Kerner, PhD,  She Comes First

Send us Fan MailValentine's Day is here again—the hearts, flowers, candlelight dinners, and grand gestures plastered all over Instagram. Let's be honest, a lot of this is driven by the hope of romance and sex. But from what I've seen with clients, friends, and even in my own life, it often leads to pressure, obligation, and the feeling that we're failing to live up to some rom-com ideal. So, can we ditch the once-a-year pressure and figure out how to weave romance into our lives every single day?At the end of the day, we all crave love. We want to feel loved. Deep down, it's about connection and validation—feeling seen and heard, not just for the polished, perfect parts of ourselves, but for the messy, flawed bits we desperately hide, fearing they'll make us unlovable.In this podcast, Dr. Alisa shares several  time-tested and "lab-tested" ways to cultivate real romance and deepen your relationships. These are for EVERY DAY,  you absolutely don't need a holiday as an excuse for romance.Radical Vulnerability:36 Questions to Fall in Love (New York Times): https://36questionsinlove.comThe core idea is that mutual vulnerability creates closeness. As the study's authors put it, "One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure.”The Small Things That Add Up to Lasting Love:Gottman Love Lab - Accepting Your Partner's Bids: https://www.gottman.com/blog/turn-toward-instead-of-away/John and Julie Gottman can predict with 94% accuracy whether a marriage will last, simply by observing couples for 15 minutes. One of the biggest factors? How often a couple "turns toward" their partner instead of "turning away.""Turning toward" means accepting "bids for connection."  We can do this by saying YES, showing interest, having curiosity to learn more. Examples of bids to accept:When your partner calls your name from another roomWhen your partner says, "This is an interesting ______ I'm reading"When your partner suggests something they'd like to do, "I'd love to see this concert."Learn to Speak Your Partner's Love Language:Gary Chapman's 5 Love Languages:Words of AffirmationQuality TimePhysical TouchActs of ServiceGiftsYou can take the quiz here (although there's a cost for a full report)https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-languageThe secret is learning their language, not just speaking your own. Can you give a "gift" based on your partner's love language, not what you would want? Be creative!  Listen to the podcast for some ideas! Or, better yet, share this bid for connection with your partner and listen (and learn) together! 💕Thank you for being here.You can find the video version of this podcast at: https://www.youtube.com/@dralisakriegelFind more about me at:https://alisakriegel.com/

Send us Fan MailDr. Alisa talks about the nervous system.  While it might sound neuro-science geeky, the Poly Vagal Theory can help you have better sex!  She discusses how being stressed in a flight or fight/trauma response (Sympathetic nervous system) can shut down parts of your body's functioning needed for sex.  Being in a Parasympathetic State, also known as Safe & Social,  helps your juices flow for better, wetter and more connected sex.  Listen to learn a simple hack to help get your body or your partner's body feeling safer, sexier and more present!  This will help you re-think your whole foreplay game!Listen to all podcast episodes and find more resources on my website: ALISAKRIEGEL.COMFollow me on Insta:  LETSTALKABOUTSEX_REALLYReferences:For more on how to map your own nervous system and feel safe: Deb Dana's, "Anchored"For a much deeper dive into the science:Stephen Porges, PhD.  "The Poly Vagal Theory: Neuropsychological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication & Self-Regulation

Send us Fan MailIn this episode Dr Alisa Kriegel is talking about all the reasons why you should be watching the Netflix show "How to Build a Sex Room." She discusses all the ways in which it can help you learn more about what turns you on and how to create a more sensual space in your life for exploring sex, alone or with partners!

Send us Fan MailDr. Kriegel continues sharing information about sex toys this time with a focus on toys for Men and also toys for Couples.  This is about exploration, pleasure and play.  There is no one way to have sex or be sexual.  Sex toys are an opportunity to discover new pleasures for yourself and your partners! 

Send us Fan MailPart One covers an introduction to some basics of how to find and buy the best toys for you.  In this episode I then focus on sex toys marketed for women.  I recommend this for anyone who has a vulva or plays with someone with a vulva as you may want to understand what you or your partner may like! This is all about experimenting, getting to know your body and your pleasure, and of course having fun!Part Two will focus on Toys for Men and for couples. 

Send us Fan MailIn Episode 7 I talked about reconnecting with pleasure and giving yourself permission to have pleasure in your life as a way to start re-connecting with your sexual self in a non-sexual way.  Now in this Episode (#8) I talk about different ways to deepen that exploration to get more comfortable in your body and see what turns you on sexually.  I truly believe that feeling great sexually (whether by yourself or with a partner) begins with you knowing yourself and what you like.

Send us Fan MailSometimes you go through phases where you're not having sex, possibly even longer than a phase. Or where there has been significant changes in your life and you are no longer experiencing sex and pleasure the same way.  In this episode Dr. Alisa talks about how to take a step back and learn  to connect with your basic sense of pleasure as a first step to reconnect with the sexual part  of yourself.

Send us Fan MailDid you know that men on average orgasm during sexual encounters and intercourse far more frequently than women?  Statistics often show a difference of as much 40% more.  This wide gap is often referred to as THE ORGASM GAP.  In this episode Dr. Alisa Kriegel talks about possible causes for these differences and more importantly, explores ways in which we can start to close the gap! Share with your partner or with friends!Follow on Instagram #Letstalkaboutsex_really

Send us Fan MailShame is something that comes up a lot with regards to sex. We all have our own stories that bring up feelings of shame and judgment toward ourself and sometimes toward others.  It often comes from our own discomfort as well as from the messages we have heard.  In this episode Dr. Alisa Kriegel shares some stories, including the one that inspired her to start this podcast.  She also recommends  ways for you to let go of the shame and  create more pleasure and positivity around sex in your life!

Send us Fan Mail***This Episode has been recommended as a "Listeners' Favorite" ***We talk about how we fit with our partner in many ways, personality, temperament, chemistry.  But there is an important fit that gets less focus.  Genital fit.  In this episode, Dr. Alisa shares a personal story about a time when the fit was less than perfect and what she learned from that. As well as what a lesser-known section of the Kama Sutra has to teach us about this important topic for ultimate sexual pleasure!  

Send us Fan MailAre you someone who isn't having sex frequently or barely at all. Maybe it's been months or years even.  You're not alone.  Sexless marriages and relationships are much more common than you may realize and nothing to be ashamed of.  Dr. Alisa Kriegel explores  underlying causes so that you can know where to begin if you want to make changes to your sex life. It's possible!

Send us Fan MailDo you need to feel desire or be "in the mood" as a prerequisite for sex?  Waning feelings of desire for a partner or for sex at all is not uncommon.  In this episode I share two major recent discoveries about desire and how it can change the way we've been taught to understand it's role in sex.  After all, knowledge isn't only power; in this case it's pleasure!

Send us Fan MailJust like sex,  there are so many ways to do a podcast about sex. This premier episode will help you know more about who I am, why I'm excited to share this with you, and what it's all about.    Honest talk, pleasure focused, and shame free. It's a warm up to see if it's a fit and you're  ready to jump into the next episode and all the ones that follow!  Thanks for checking it out!  Episode is Not LivePublish: Feb. 09, 2021 @ 8PM EditPublishAdd a TranscriptGet episode better indexed by search engines.Add Chapter MarkersListeners can tap through & see what’s coming up.Create a Visual SoundbiteBest way to share to social media for engagement.Share Episode On FacebookTwitter