Like Me Podcast

Episode number: EP21Podcast: Like Me Officially with J'K FrederickCategory: Society & Culture / Gender-Based Violence / Policy & AccountabilityIn 2024, over 122,000 child sexual abuse and exploitation offences were recorded in England and Wales. Half were committed by children aged 10 to 17. Online offences rose 26% in a single year. Over half of all recorded cases are child on child.Something is being taught to our young people. And it is being taught young.This episode of Like Me Officially examines the ecosystem shaping adolescent boys and girls — the manosphere, the structural failures that left young people without community, the algorithm that filled the gap, and where responsibility actually lands.Who Taught Them That? The Danger of the Adolescent Ecosystem.Episode summaryIn 2024, the Youth Justice Board confirmed that proven sexual offences committed by children rose by 47% in one year and a further 6% the following year. 33% of children reported seeing content online that encourages violence against women and girls. Barnardo's found that one in seven girls aged 13 to 15 had been asked to send nude images.In this episode, J'K Frederick asks three questions she couldn't stop thinking about. How does a 13-year-old boy commit a sexual offence against a girl he goes to school with and believe that was acceptable? Why does a boy who grows up watching a man hurt a woman repeat that behaviour ten years later and call it normal? How are girls being groomed online, moved onto encrypted apps, exploited, and then used to recruit other girls — and why is it still happening?The answer isn't one person. It isn't one platform. It isn't one piece of content.It is the ecosystem.J'K traces how social media algorithms connect everyday interests — fitness, gaming, music, self-improvement — to harmful content gradually, across hundreds of videos, without anyone noticing. She examines the 73% cut to UK youth services since 2010 that left young people without community and without the adults who would have spotted the problem early. She looks at what the neuroscience of adolescent brain development says about why current approaches in schools may be making things worse. She names girls as both victims and participants in online harm — and asks what shaped them too.She also shares what she witnessed growing up — domestic violence in real time — and draws a direct line to how early exposure shapes long-term sensitivities, hyper-awareness, and the fuel it takes to fight back.This episode also examines what governments are doing — age restriction legislation in Australia, the UK, and China — and why restriction alone is not enough when the influencers in question don't need the main platforms to reach young people.It ends with a call to the village. And a question about whether the adults in the room have decided that's their responsibility.What this episode answersWhat is the manosphere and where did the term come from?How do social media algorithms connect boys to harmful content?What happened to UK youth services after 2010?What does the developing adolescent brain have to do with online radicalisation?Why are gender equity lessons in schools potentially making things worse for some boys?What is the Youth Justice Board evidence review and what did it find?What are Australia, the UK and China doing about social media and children?Why is restriction not the same as protection?Are girls only victims in this conversation — or is the picture more complicated?What does an actual whole-of-society response to VAWG look like?What does the UK's VAWG strategy actually require to work?Key topics coveredThe manosphere as ecosystem — Movember UK research, 2025Social media algorithms and cultural touchpoints — inverted iceberg modelUK youth services funding cuts 2010 to 2021 — 73% reduction, 4,500 jobs, 760 centresChild poverty in the UK — 4.5 million children in relative low incomeAdolescent brain development — prefrontal cortex, peer approval, neurological vulnerabilityProfessor Jessica Ringrose, UCL — defensive responses to gender equity lessonsYouth Justice Board evidence review — child-on-child sexual offences, algorithm-driven harmBarnardo's UK — online exploitation and peer pressure dataUK drill music — court cases, Ofcom investigations, Metropolitan Police injunctionsDomestic abuse and major England football matches — 26% and 38% increase dataAustralia's social media ban — under-16s, 4.7 million accounts restrictedUK Children's Wellbeing and Schools Act 2026 — restrictions for under-16sChina's gaming and social media time limits — enforcement challengesUK Violence Against Women and Girls Strategy 2025Proverbs 22:6 — train up a childWhitney Houston — I believe the children are our futureIf you need supportRape Crisis England & Wales — free, confidential support for anyone affected by sexual violence. rapecrisis.org.uk 0808 500 2222 — free, 24 hours, 7 days a weekRape Crisis Scotland rapecrisisscotland.org.uk 08088 01 03 02Links and ResourcesResearch and DataYouth Justice Board Evidence Review — official UK data tracking youth justice trends and proven child-on-child offences Youth Justice Resource Hub — gov.uk/government/organisations/youth-justice-board-for-england-and-walesMovember Institute of Men's Health — full research into young men's health, the manosphere ecosystem, and masculinity influencer statistics uk.movember.com/movember-institute/masculinities-reportUK Violence Against Women and Girls Strategy 2025 — the government's stated strategy on education, prevention, and early intervention gov.uk/government/publications/tackling-violence-against-women-and-girls-strategyBarnardo's UK — community reporting on adolescent experiences with online exploitation and digital harassment barnardos.org.ukLegislationUK Children's Wellbeing and Schools Act 2026 — restrictions on social media for under-16s legislation.gov.ukUK Online Safety Act — platform duties to protect children gov.uk/government/collections/online-safety-actReferenced in this episodeThe Autobiography of Malcolm XProfessor Jessica Ringrose, UCL Institute of Education — research on gender equity lessons and classroom dynamics committees.parliament.ukAdolescence, Netflix 2025 — UK drama examining how a 13-year-old boy arrived at an act of violence nobody in his family saw coming netflix.comMajor press outletsThe Guardian guardian.comThe Times thetimes.com Get full access to J'K Here at jkfrederick.substack.com/subscribe

Episode number: EP20 Podcast: Like Me Officially with J'K Frederick Category: Society & Culture / Gender-Based Violence / Policy & Accountability In May 2026, three teenage boys convicted of raping two girls in Fordingbridge, Hampshire walked out of Southampton Crown Court without a custodial sentence. The judge handed down youth rehabilitation orders. His reason: he did not want to “unnecessarily criminalise” these children.This episode of the Like Me Officially Podcast examines why that sentence was legally possible, the archaic framework that produced it, and the cost to the victims, survivors everywhere, and all of us.Whose Future Gets Protected? The Fordingbridge Rape Case, Youth Sentencing, and What the Law Still Won't SayEpisode summaryIn May 2026, three teenage boys convicted of raping two girls in Fordingbridge, Hampshire received non-custodial sentences — youth rehabilitation orders. The judge cited a desire to avoid unnecessarily criminalising children. One survivor said the decision felt like a rock to her face.In this episode, J'K Frederick asks the question underneath the verdict: whose future does the legal system actually centre — and whose was already changed before anyone in that courtroom spoke?This isn't a recap of the case. It's an examination of the framework that made the sentence possible. A framework rooted in the Children Act 1908. Written at a time when rape within marriage wasn't a crime, and the abuse of women and children by men wasn't fully recognised by law.J'K traces the neurodevelopmental argument the system uses to reduce accountability for young offenders — and follows it to where it stops. She examines what Bessel van der Kolk's trauma research says about developing brains on both sides of harm. She looks at what digital distribution of assault footage means for victims in 2026. And she asks what the VAWG strategy's ten-year target to halve gender-based violence actually requires of all of us — not just the courts.This episode also includes a personal account from J'K's own teenage years a peer who went through something similar over thirty years ago and a direct message to anyone listening who carries their own experience of sexual violence.What this episode answersWhy did the Fordingbridge boys not go to prison?What are youth sentencing guidelines in England and Wales?Who created the sentencing guidelines for young offenders in the UK?What does the Children Act 1908 have to do with rape sentencing today?Why does age reduce criminal accountability in the UK?What does Bessel van der Kolk say about trauma and brain development?What is the unduly lenient sentence scheme?Who is Gisèle Pelicot and why did she respond to the Fordingbridge case?What is the UK government's VAWG strategy?What are the reoffending rates for young sexual offenders in the UK?Does filming and sharing sexual assault footage count as a separate crime?What can parents, teachers, and schools do to prevent sexual harm?What support is available for survivors of rape and sexual violence in the UK?Key topics coveredThe Fordingbridge rape case (Southampton Crown Court, 2026)Youth sentencing guidelines — England and Wales (Sentencing Council, 2017)The Children Act 1908 and its philosophical rootsThe Sentencing Council — composition and victim representationSean Hogg case — Scotland, 2023Neurodevelopmental science and its asymmetric application in courtBessel van der Kolk — The Body Keeps the Score — trauma and brain restructuringChildren's moral reasoning — research on right and wrong from toddlerhood to adolescenceDigital distribution of assault footage — Snapchat, platform responsibility, and ongoing harmJames Bulger case — punishment, rehabilitation, and the differenceYouth reoffending rates — sexual offences cohortVAWG strategy 2025–2030 — targets, funding, and teacher training allocation-----If you need supportRape Crisis England & Wales Free, confidential support for anyone affected by sexual violence. rapecrisis.org.uk 0808 500 2222 free, 24 hours, 7 days a weekRape Crisis Scotland rascrisis.scot.org.uk 08088 01 03 02Links & Resources:Here are the direct, official links to the resources, legal frameworks, and research databases mentioned in this episode :Core Legal Frameworks & Guidelines* The Children Act 1908: Read the original historical legislation and its evolution via the UK Legislation Statute Law Database.* The Sentencing Council (2017 Guidelines): Access the definitive framework for “Sentencing Children and Young People” through the legal analysis portal at the Youth Justice Legal Centre.* UK Government VAWG Strategy: Review the landmark strategy aimed at halving violence against women and girls on the Crown Prosecution Service Official Portal or find the community policy breakdown via the End Violence Against Women Coalition.Historical & Psychological Context* James Baldwin - No Name in the Street (1972): Explore the historical context, themes, and publication history of Baldwin’s critical work on justice and the unprotected via Wikipedia’s Dedicated Entry.* Bessel van der Kolk - The Body Keeps the Score: For medical research, peer-reviewed clinical studies, and literature tracking trauma’s structural changes to the adolescent brain, you can access the comprehensive databases via the National Institutes of Health (PubMed) or track economic impact studies on public systems through the Institute for Fiscal Studies.Case Records & Global Advocates* Judge Nicholas Rowland & Southampton Crown Court: To reference official rulings, judicial circulars, and daily court lists, visit the UK Gov Courts and Tribunals Judiciary Portal.* Sandy Brindley (CEO, Rape Crisis Scotland): Review policy advocacy, statistics on sexual violence, and legal reform campaigns directly at Rape Crisis Scotland.* Gisèle Pelicot: For international reporting on her landmark case, survivor advocacy, and global impact, track updates via BBC News or CNN International.Major Press Outlets (Fordingbridge Case Reporting)* The Times: The Times Digital Edition* The Guardian: The Guardian Open Journalism Get full access to J'K Here at jkfrederick.substack.com/subscribe

What this episode is aboutThere is a script. It runs every time someone asks a question nobody wanted asked. This episode names the architecture — how media framing, community culture, and heritage culture operate in similar ways to protect the powerful and silence the inconvenient. From himpathy to legal language, from Jeffrey Epstein to Lauren Goodger, J'K tracks the pattern and asks who it serves.In this episodeThe script that runs every time an inconvenient question gets asked — and why that's not an accidentMisan Harriman and what happens when inquiry itself becomes the crimeHimpathy — the disproportionate sympathy extended to powerful men at the expense of those they harmedRussell Brand, Phillip Schofield, Jeffrey Epstein — the column that runs in your mind and what it tells usLauren Goodger — she stood in her truth, was told to stay silent, was put on trial by the media, and the man was convictedTechnology-facilitated abuse — what it is, Refuge's 207% surge in referrals, and why survivors reporting online harm are four times more likely to have a negative experience with the policeNot guilty is not the same as innocent — what a verdict does and doesn't reachThe Like Me moment — the quiet, stubborn refusal to let the frame decide what your truth is worthHeadlines don't just appear — and three questions worth asking before you react, share, or decideResourcesRefuge — UK's largest domestic abuse charity. National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247. Available 24 hours, 7 days a week.Support organisations for survivors — full list on the Like Me Officially podcast For listeners outside the UK — please check for support local to you. About Like Me OfficiallyLike Me Officially is hosted by J'K Frederick. This is where raw truths meet reflection, exploring self-advocacy, challenging social narratives, and moving beyond surviving into something that actually looks like living.ConnectSubstack: https://jkfrederick.substack.com/s/like-me-podcastInstagram: @likemeofficially Get full access to J'K Here at jkfrederick.substack.com/subscribe

What is the Survivor Algorithm?The Survivor Algorithm is a framework for understanding the identity stages many people move through after trauma victim, survivor, and thriver and why moving between them is rarely straightforward. Like a social media algorithm, it runs in the background, based on rules that were installed without your consent. And like any man-made system, it can be rewritten.What you'll hear in this episode:Why the victim label arrives through a system not through you and what that does psychologically when it lands years after the experience.Why 72% of adults who experienced childhood sexual abuse never told anyone at the time, and what delayed disclosure actually looks like from the inside.The honest case for why people stay in survivor identity, the validation, the belonging, the exhaustion of treading water that has become familiar.Why the word survivor lands differently for those with lived experience of sexual violence than it does in other contexts and why that matters.What a somatic flashback is, what triggers it, and why the body stores trauma as sensory fragments rather than as memory.What allostatic load means and why the exhaustion of chronic stress isn't weakness, it's physiology.What self-efficacy actually is, and why it's the difference between hoping things get better and having a hand in that.What Kintsugi has to do with rebuilding after the system fails you.Questions this episode speaks to:Why do survivors of sexual abuse stay in survivor identity for so long?What is the difference between victim and survivor in the context of sexual violence?Why does the criminal justice system use the word victim?What is a somatic flashback and what causes it?How long does it take to report childhood sexual abuse?What is allostatic load and how does it affect trauma survivors?How do you move from surviving to thriving after abuse?Can identity change after trauma?Themes explored:The psychology of being named by a system rather than naming yourself. The neuroscience of chronic stress and trauma memory. Label conflict and the word survivor. Delayed disclosure and what the research shows. The benefits and the costs of staying in any one stage. The transition from surviving to thriving. Rebuilding identity on your own terms.Listening context:This episode is for anyone who has ever felt stuck between who they were told they are and who they know themselves to be. It doesn't offer instructions. It offers a framework, a question, and a different way of seeing a journey that too many people are making alone.References:Bessel van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the ScoreBruce Perry, What Happened to You?Gabor Maté, When the Body Says NoPeter Levine, Waking the TigerKintsugi, Japanese tradition of repair with gold Get full access to J'K Here at jkfrederick.substack.com/subscribe

Episode SummaryWhat does it mean to be a "voltage spike" in a broken system? In this episode of Like Me Officially, J’K Frederick explores the concept of the "glitch" an intentional disruption of the scripts we are forced to follow. Drawing from literature, history, and personal experience, we dive into why speaking out is an act of disobedience and why your truth doesn't need a system’s signature to be valid.What’s Inside:Literary Inspiration: Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi AdichieDepth Psychology: Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola EstésEssential Essay: The Transformation of Silence into Language and Action by Audre LordeModern Philosophy: James McCrae – Words Saved My LifeHistorical Context: NASA’s John Glenn and the "Voltage Spike"Episode 16: Revisit EP16: The Pearl in the Oyster Get full access to J'K Here at jkfrederick.substack.com/subscribe

In this opening episode J’K challenges the societal standard of the "survivor" label. Using the biological formation of a pearl and the architectural rebuilding of Nehemiah’s walls as frameworks, she explores why "survivor" is a crucial milestone that should never have been turned into a full stop. This is an invitation to move beyond endurance and into a space of agency, mental clarity, and thriving.Key ThemesThe Pearl Metaphor - A pearl is a biological response to a non-consensual breach. It's formed because of the intrusion, not despite it. Your survival strategies are the nacre. What you're building is luminous.The Etymology of Survivor - Derived from the Latin supervivere ("to live beyond"), the term evolved from a legal context to an act of resistance for Holocaust survivors, and eventually into a clinical standard applied without the same intentionality.Cleaning Up Aisle Nine -J'K addresses toxic phrasing in the personal development space and firmly rejects the idea that violations are gifts or meant to happen.The Nehemiah Framework -Healing as rebuilding specific gates: the Valley Gate (facing what was avoided), the Dung Gate (releasing what was never yours to carry), the Broad Wall (building the systems that protect you), the Fountain Gate (renewing the mind).The Science of Survival Mode - When survival becomes scar tissue: the nervous system stuck in flight (overworking), fight (control), freeze (numbness), or fawn (endless yes).Collective Post-Traumatic Growth, Individual healing, community connection, and societal transformation. Pain to story. Story to purpose. Purpose to power.Memorable Quotes"My name is J'K. Period. My experience is secondary to who I am.""Survivor was a milestone someone turned into a full stop.""The nervous system can't be shamed into changing. It can only be offered safety. And curiosity is a form of safety.""Is the architecture that kept me safe now the very thing keeping me small?"ReferencesScripture: Isaiah 40:29 · Isaiah 41:13 · 2 Corinthians 1:4 · Romans 12:2Dr. Gabor Maté: The Myth of Normal, When the Body Says NoKintsugi - Japanese art of repairing with goldNehemiah - Old Testament framework for rebuildingJoin the CommunityWhat name are you choosing for yourself today? If survivor was a milestone and not a destination, where are you standing right now?UK Support Directoryhttps://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1mVbCZxYHt8ItGJUymJNi_Uk9hIC9Wa6E0n0SFMIvxaM/edit?gid=1230372023#gid=1230372023 Get full access to J'K Here at jkfrederick.substack.com/subscribe

Opening reflection Something about the way the 12% is framed, as data, as a metric, as a gap, felt like it was missing the person at the centre of it. This episode is my attempt to put her back there. And to ask what each of us, survivors, supporters, and workplaces, can actually do.Themes explored in this episodeTheme 1: The dissonance at the heart of the 12% The survivor tax has been described as economic harm, an invisible tax, a long-term income loss. But underneath all the frameworks and metrics is a simpler, harder truth: people are being taxed for surviving someone else's violence. That framing matters. You cannot build a strategy on a framework that positions you as less than you are.Theme 2: The job share: one move, two and a half days During a court case, managing clinical depression and a full-time role, J'K built a job share from scratch. Researching the scheme, making the case, presenting it to her team leader. It was approved. Two and a half days reclaimed. Not because the system offered it. Because she looked for the lever and pulled it.Theme 3: What the Domestic Abuse Act 2021 actually gives you The Act legally recognises coercive control, economic abuse, and emotional abuse. Not just physical violence. Your experience has a legal name even if it left no visible mark. Special measures in court, confidential HR enquiries, enforceable workplace policies. These rights exist. This episode names them plainly.Theme 4: NDAs: a tool used on you, and a tool you can use Since 2023, UK NDAs cannot legally prevent you from reporting abuse to the police, accessing legal advice, or speaking to a medical professional. An NDA that tries to is unenforceable. But a privacy agreement, drafted properly, can also protect you. The femicide figure matters here: one woman every four days is killed by a current or former partner, and at least 40% had left or were trying to. Silence that removes every route to safety is not protection.Theme 5: The supporter's role: comfort is not enough The moment you know, you are part of the ecosystem. There is no neutral position. This episode is direct about the difference between comfort and action, and what both look like in practice. Including what to do if you don't have the capacity to show up.Theme 6: The workplace finding that should stop every manager IFS 2026: in female-managed organisations, perpetrators are significantly more likely to be dismissed. In male-managed organisations, the female employee leaves. Same act. Different outcome. Depending entirely on who holds power. The episode names why and what a deliberate choice looks like instead.Theme 7: The restitution vision: connecting the pipes The UK already has Deduction from Earnings Orders, Pension Sharing Orders, and the Proceeds of Crime Act. Each one created to correct a financial imbalance, because voluntary compliance doesn't work, because unpaid contribution has value, because you cannot keep the profit from harm. The argument in this episode: apply the same logic to the 12% survivor tax. Automatic. Offender-funded. Structural. Organisations like Surviving Economic Abuse have been naming this for years. The question is whether the conversation moves to consequence.Listening context This episode contains references to domestic abuse, coercive control, court proceedings, economic harm, and the structural consequences of gender-based violence. It's grounded in research, strategy, and lived experience rather than graphic detail, but the subject matter is real and may cause discomfort. Listen with care. Get full access to J'K Here at jkfrederick.substack.com/subscribe

This episode contains discussion of sexual violence, domestic abuse, coercive control, and their economic consequences. Please listen when you have space. Come back when you're ready.This episode is a companion to EP13: The 12% Survivor Tax. Start there if you haven't listened yet. Join the conversation on substack https://substack.com/@jkfrederickIn this episodeWhy Finland has the data the UK doesn'tThe IFS research draws on Finnish administrative data, police records linked directly to individual earnings. The UK can't do this yet. Which means for decades we've been estimating the cost of gender-based violence, not measuring it. The Home Office put it at £66bn in 2019. The NAO revised that to £84bn by 2025, with no effective whole-system response.What actually triggers the 12%The income drop isn't only caused by direct physical violence. Women who cohabit with a man previously abusive to other women suffer identical losses even without recorded abuse in their own relationship. Coercive control, financial sabotage, isolation, job interference. Your only crime, if you can call it that, is that you didn't know.The workplace finding that says everythingWhen a woman is assaulted at work, she loses her job. When a man is assaulted the perpetrator loses theirs. Same act. Different outcome. In female-managed organisations, perpetrators are more likely to be dismissed. In male-managed ones, the female employee leaves. Which tells you everything about why keeping women out of power was never accidental.The 17% — and what it meansRape survivors suffer a 17% earnings drop five years after the assault. That is larger than the economic penalty of a year in prison in the United States. The victim is penalised more heavily, economically, than the convicted criminal.Is the 12% really permanent?Permanent is what happens when conditions stay the same. But when women have financial autonomy, abuse rates fall. When the gender pay gap narrows, domestic violence reduces. When police bring criminal charges — not just risk assessments — reoffending falls by almost 40%. The 12% is not a fixed law of nature. It is the price of a system not functioning as it should.The intergenerational costThe tax doesn't stop with you. Exposure to domestic violence reduces educational attainment for children. Childhood abuse leads to lower employment and earnings in adulthood. The cycle carries forward unless it is deliberately broken.Women's financial autonomy as violence preventionThe data keeps returning to the same answer across countries and decades. The more economic power a woman has, the less vulnerable she is. Financial autonomy is not a nice idea. It is a violence prevention strategy.A note on race and ethnicityThe research is drawn from Finland, a country far less ethnically diverse than the UK. For women from African, Caribbean, Asian and other global majority backgrounds, twelve percent is likely the starting point. The real number here is probably higher.ReflectionsWhere in your own life have you absorbed a cost that was never yours to carry?What would it mean to name that as structural rather than personal?The research points to financial autonomy as a protective factor. What does that bring up for you?If the mess is the system and not the thinking — what changes in how you see your own story?What question is this episode leaving you with?Research referencedIFS — Economic Consequences of Gender-Based Violence. 26 March 2026.Adams et al., 2024a — 12% income drop and 6.7pp employment fall. Coercive control without physical violence produces identical losses.Adams et al., 2024b — Workplace assault findings. Outcome depends on gender of victim and gender of management.Adams et al., 2026 — Rape survivors, 17% earnings drop at five years. Higher court case clearance rates reduce economic harm.Black et al., 2023 — Criminal charges reduce reoffending by 40%. Risk assessments alone do not. Greater Manchester Police data.Amaral et al., 2023 — Arrest reduces future 999 calls by 50%. West Midlands data.Aizer, 2010 — Narrowing the gender pay gap reduces domestic violence. US data.Bhuller et al., 2024 — Domestic violence exposure reduces children's educational attainment. Norway.NAO, 2025 — UK domestic abuse costs risen to £84bn. No effective whole-system response documented.Home Office, 2019 — UK domestic abuse costs estimated at £66bn Get full access to J'K Here at jkfrederick.substack.com/subscribe

On the 26th of March 2026, the Institute for Fiscal Studies — one of the UK's most respected independent economic research institutions published a report on the economic consequences of gender-based violence. The headline finding: a permanent 12% drop in income for survivors of domestic abuse. Not temporary. Permanent.In this episode, J'K responds to that report in real time. She connects the number to her own experience on both sides of employment navigating therapy, PTSD, court cases, and the daily performance of being fine. She traces a straight line from a legal doctrine written in 1736 to a report published this week. And she asks the question the data now makes impossible to avoid: who has been paying, and for how long?KEY TOPICS— The IFS report published 26th March 2026 and why it matters— The 12% permanent income drop and what career scarring actually means— The history of UK law written without women in mind — from 1736 to 2026— The survivor tax as it falls on anyone surviving the unbearable and still showing up— The employed experience: return-to-work pressure, mask-switching, and performing fine— The freelance experience: invisible stress, no safety net, delivering anyway— The Commitment Gap: why strategies exist but infrastructure does not— IWD 2026: two themes, eighteen days apart — Give to Gain versus Rights, Justice, Action— Safe leave, financial discretion, and named accountability in the workplace— The Flow 60 framework and operating on a 58% deficit— Dr Maya Angelou on defeat, rising, and knowing your own strength— Reclaiming the 12%: from surviving the dark night to lighting it upRESOURCES & REFERENCESIFS Report — Economic Consequences of Gender-Based Violence (26th March 2026)ifs.org.uk/articles/economic-consequences-gender-based-violenceInstitute for Fiscal Studies — Homepageifs.org.ukR v R [1991] UKHL 12 — House of Lords judgment abolishing the marital rape exemptionbailii.org/uk/cases/UKHL/1991/12.htmlIstanbul Convention — Council of Europe key factscoe.int/en/web/istanbul-convention/key-factsUK ratification of the Istanbul Convention — House of Lords Librarylordslibrary.parliament.uk/istanbul-conventionUK VAWG Strategy — Freedom from Violence and Abuse (December 2025)gov.uk/government/publications/violence-against-women-and-girls-strategyThe Commitment Gap — J'K Frederick, The Convening (2026) linkedin.com/in/jkfrederickDomestic Abuse Safe Leave Bill — Parliamentary debate June 2025bills.parliament.ukSEO KEYWORDSsurvivor tax · IFS domestic abuse report 2026 · 12% income drop domestic abuse · performing fine at work · burnout women UK · domestic abuse workplace policy · trauma and work performance · safe leave UK · VAWG strategy 2025 · commitment gap accountability · Istanbul Convention UK · give to gain IWD 2026 · career scarring domestic abuse · workplace crisis domestic abuse · J'K Frederick Like Me Officially Get full access to J'K Here at jkfrederick.substack.com/subscribe

I did not know there were two International Women's Days until I started asking questions.When I came across the 2026 IWD theme, Give to Gain, I felt exhausted. Not inspired. Exhausted. And I needed to understand why.So I pulled on the loose thread of my curiosity. What I found sitting underneath that theme, behind the purple banners and the cupped hands and the hashtag, is what this episode is about.Who created Give to Gain? Who benefits from it? What does it mean that the organisation running the most visible International Women's Day platform is a private consultancy, not the United Nations? And why are some of the companies most visibly promoting this theme the same ones filing unexplained gender pay gaps?This is not an anti-IWD episode. It is an invitation to think. To ask. To know the difference between a campaign that demands justice and one that asks women to give more.I may be totally wrong. And I am okay with that. But what if I'm not wrong?THEMES EXPLORED IN THIS EPISODE:• The true origins of International Women's Day — 1908, 1909, and why March 8th was fixed in 1921 to honour the women of Petrograd• The two IWD organisations happening on the same day, and why most people only know about one• Who created the Give to Gain theme and who runs internationalwomensday.com• The gender pay gap data behind the organisations publicly promoting the theme• What the images on the Give to Gain campaign page communicate• Purple washing, gaslighting, and performative allyship — the language for what you might already be feeling• What it means to be a critical thinker in your own storyLISTENING CONTEXT:This episode contains references to historical labour exploitation, gender-based violence statistics, and systemic inequality. There are no graphic descriptions. If something lands differently than expected, that is worth paying attention to.RESOURCES MENTIONED:• UN Women — official IWD 2026 theme: Rights. Justice. Action. For All Women and Girls — unwomen.org• UK Gender Pay Gap Service — gender-pay-gap.service.gov.uk• Angela Priestley, Women's Agenda (Australia) — 'Don't Give to Gain and get duped again this International Women's Day'• Novara Media — 'internationalwomensday.com Is a Corporate Hijack'• internationalwomensday.com — IWD 2026 Give to Gain Theme Page• Aurora Ventures — aurora-ventures.comThis episode is for anyone who has ever followed a campaign without questioning it. For anyone who has felt something was off but could not name it. For anyone ready to think critically, in their own story, about what they consume and why. Get full access to J'K Here at jkfrederick.substack.com/subscribe

EPISODE 11: WHO AM I? The Search for IdentitySHOW NOTESWhy do we keep taking personality tests? And what are we really searching for when we do?In this episode, I explore the cultural obsession with identity, the origins of personality tests like MBTI, DISC, Human Design, and the Enneagram, and why external validation can never replace self-trust.I share my own experience of taking personality tests after childhood sexual abuse fractured my sense of self — and what I've learned about rebuilding trust in my own knowing.This episode is for anyone who's ever taken a personality test and wondered why they keep going back. For anyone who's searching for confirmation of who they are. For anyone learning to trust their own knowing.THEMES EXPLORED IN THIS EPISODE:• The etymology of "identity" and how the meaning shifted from "sameness" to "individuality" in the 1950s• Why survivors of childhood trauma often seek external validation through tests and labels• The origins of MBTI, DISC, Human Design, and Enneagram — and why they're considered pseudoscience• The Barnum effect: why personality tests feel so accurate even when they're not• The neuroscience of betrayal: how the amygdala tags trauma memories and disrupts self-concept clarity• Why personality can change over time — and why tests can't capture growth• The difference between using a tool and depending on one• How to rebuild self-trust after it's been fractured by abuse, doubt, or external judgment• The practice of looking inward first before seeking external confirmationLISTENING CONTEXT:This episode discusses childhood sexual abuse, grooming, self-harm, and the impact of trauma on identity. If you're a survivor, please listen with care and take breaks if needed.RESOURCES MENTIONED:• Erik Erikson's work on identity formation (1950s)• Research on self-concept clarity and childhood sexual abuse• The Barnum effect (Bertram Forer, 1948)• René Mõttus on personality change over time• Daniel Gilbert on being "works in progress"This episode is for anyone who's ever taken a personality test and wondered why they keep going back. For anyone who's searching for confirmation of who they are. For anyone learning to trust their own knowing.---EPISODE LENGTH: 40 minutesCONTENT WARNING: Mention of Childhood sexual abuse, grooming, self-harm, trauma - nothing explicit. KEYWORDS: identity crisis, personality tests, MBTI, Enneagram, Human Design, DISC, StrengthsFinder, childhood sexual abuse, trauma and identity, self-concept clarity, external validation, self-trust, Barnum effect, pseudoscience, who am I, finding yourself, knowing yourself, trauma recovery, post-traumatic growth, healing from abuse, survivor identity, personal development, self-discovery, authenticity© Like Me Officially Podcast | J'K | 2026 Get full access to J'K Here at jkfrederick.substack.com/subscribe

When the Epstein files dropped, something happened in my body before my mind had even caught up. Head fuzzy. Stomach dropping. A tightening — like a recognition. That's what re-triggering feels like. Not abstract. Physical. Immediate.This episode isn't about the files. It's about the pattern underneath them. Twenty minutes of commentary on the perpetrator. Five seconds on the people who were harmed. Every single time — Epstein, Diddy, R. Kelly, Prince Andrew — the same imbalance. Power gets the story. Survivors get a sentence.I wanted to shift that. To redirect the curiosity. To ask: who deserves the attention? And what does it cost when we give it to the wrong people?This is also about what happens in the body when high-profile cases break. About capacity and healing not being linear. About forgiveness as something you do daily — for yourself, not for them. And about the five minutes it takes to check in on someone who might be struggling silently right now.THEMES EXPLORED IN THIS EPISODEThe imbalance of attention Why perpetrators dominate the narrative while survivors are reduced to footnotes. The proportion of coverage matters — and it reveals what we actually value.Shock and awe as information overload How the sheer volume of files, names, and commentary disconnects and disengages people rather than activating them. Naomi Klein's The Shock Doctrine applied to survivor stories.Redirecting curiosity These were children in environments with powerful adults. The real question isn't "why didn't they leave" — it's "who failed to protect them, and what are those people doing now to be accountable?"Re-triggering and the body's memory Trauma isn't just stored in the mind — it lives in the body. When cases like this break, survivors everywhere feel it physically. That's not weakness. That's how trauma works.Capacity is personal and non-linear Healing doesn't move in stages. It shifts. It grows. What you couldn't hold last year, you might hold now. And that's not failure — that's the actual shape of recovery.Gratitude — not for the harm, for the survival The difference between gratitude for suffering and gratitude in spite of it. One asks too much. The other is quiet, profound defiance.Justice and accountability are not the same river When the system fails, accountability becomes something you hold yourself to. And the opportunity for institutions, organisations, and individuals to act transparently — right now — for the sake of survivors first.Five minutes — the ask You don't need an hour. You don't need perfect words. Five minutes to check in. To ask: are you alright? And then — listen.LISTENING CONTEXTThis episode examines how media spectacle retraumatises survivors and invites us to redirect our attention from power to people.If you know someone who might be struggling silently right now check in. Five minutes could mean everything.RESOURCESIf something in this episode stirred more than you expected,or if you're holding space for someone who might be struggling,there are support services listed below.United KingdomRape Crisis England & Wales — 0808 500 2222 (24/7) — 247sexualabusesupport.org.ukThe Survivors Trust — 08088 010 818 — thesurvivorstrust.orgSurvivorsUK (men and non-binary people) — 0808 801 0332 — survivorsuk.orgNAPAC (adult survivors of childhood abuse) — napac.org.ukGalop (LGBTQ+ survivors) — 0800 999 5428 — galop.org.ukVictim Support — 0808 16 89 111 (24/7) — victimsupport.org.ukUnited StatesRAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline — 800.656.HOPE (4673) — rainn.orgCrisis Text Line — Text HOME to 741741ItalyTelefono Rosa — 06 37 51 82 82 — telefonorosa.itD.i.Re — direcontrolaviolenza.itGermanyHilfetelefon Gewalt gegen Frauen — 08000 116 016 (free, 24/7, multilingual) — hilfetelefon.deSpain016 Violencia de Género Helpline — Call: 016 (free, 24/7)GhanaDOVVSU (Domestic Violence and Victim Support Unit) — 18555NigeriaSTAND to End Rape — 0809 596 7000 — standtoendrape.orgCece Yara Foundation (child sexual abuse) — ceceyara.orgUnited Arab EmiratesDubai Foundation for Women and Children — 800 111 (free, 24/7) — dfwac.aeDenmarkBørns Vilkår BørneTelefonen — 116 111 (free, 24/7) — bornsvilkar.dkSwedenNationellt Centrum för Kvinnofrid (NCK) — 020-50 50 50 — nck.uu.seHong KongRainLily — 2375 5322 — rainlily.org.hkFrance3919 Violences Femmes Info — Call: 3919 (free, 24/7)BulgariaAnimus Association — 02 983 0005 — animusassociation.orgPolandNiebieska Linia (Blue Line) — 116 123 — niebieskalinia.plRussiaANNA National Centre for the Prevention of Violence — 8-800-7000-600 (free)Anywhere in the Worldfindahelpline.com — global directory of verified crisis helplinesRAINN International Resources — rainn.org/international-sexual-assault-resourcesREFERENCESBrené Brown — Daring Greatly, empathy vs sympathy, chosen vulnerability vs forced exposureNaomi Klein — The Shock Doctrine, information overload and disconnectionBessel van der Kolk — The Body Keeps the Score, trauma stored in the bodyThe Five Minute Journal — UJ Ramdas and Alex IkonnResearch on post-traumatic growth and non-linear recovery from traumaDepartment of Justice Epstein Files — 9,500 documents withdrawn after improper redactions exposed survivors Get full access to J'K Here at jkfrederick.substack.com/subscribe

What No One Tells You About DisclosingDisclosure isn’t always the neat turning point people imagine.It isn’t catharsis.It isn’t relief.It’s risk.In this episode, I share what happened when I disclosed childhood sexual abuse at thirteen, what I expected, what actually happened, and what that moment taught me about silence, shame, belief, and accountability.I explore:- What disclosure really means - to open- Why there's no perfect time to speak- The damage caused by “Are you sure?”- What happens when you are not believed- How disclosure reveals capacity, not character- The difference between system accountability and personal accountability- Why silence never truly protectsThis is not a story about victimhood.It’s about meaning. It’s about ownership and choosing how you move forward when others can carry your truth.A Note on Listening:This episode discusses childhood sexual abuse and the experience of not being believed or protected after disclosing. No graphic details are shared, but the emotional weight is real. Listen when you're ready. Step away if you need to. You matter more than this episode. Get full access to J'K Here at jkfrederick.substack.com/subscribe

On December 18, 2025, the UK published its Violence Against Women and Girls Strategy. A 10-year commitment to halve violence. Within hours, I saw the same pattern: applause, promises, and a missing piece I know too well, coordination infrastructure.I’ve spent a decade watching strategies give hope, then quietly fail because there’s no accountability to deliver them. No one is tracking who does what. No consequence when responsibility scatters and disappears.In this episode, I explore what happens when coordination fails—not in policy documents, but in people’s lives. The retelling. The gaps. The fragmentation. I experienced it when I reported. Hundreds of thousands have experienced it. That’s not a coincidence. That’s design.I’m sharing what accountability infrastructure actually looks like, why the UK won’t build it, and what it means to lead from informed concern rather than stuck anger. This is about pattern recognition and what happens when we choose to use what we’ve learned to improve experiences for those who come after.Take what resonates.Leave the rest.J’K Get full access to J'K Here at jkfrederick.substack.com/subscribe

Prevention doesn’t fail because we lack strategies.It fails because we refuse to be honest.In this episode, I explore:-What the manosphere really is — and what it isn’t-How culture, profit, and silence intersect-Why prevention can’t work without naming harm-The myths we’re told about perpetrators-Institutional power and moral accountability-Unfinished stories, shame, and survival-Where personal truth meets systemic failureListening note:This episode discusses sexual violence, online radicalisation, and institutional harm. Please listen at your own pace and take breaks if needed. Get full access to J'K Here at jkfrederick.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode, I take a closer look at the UK’s 10-year strategy to end violence against women and girls through reflection, lived insight, and questioning rather than instruction.Themes explored:- Reduction versus eradication- The gap between policy and lived reality- Institutional responsibility and design failure- Who gets protected — and who gets left behind- Urgency, tolerance, and time- The idea of “the village” beyond sentimentListening context:Best listened to with space. This is a reflective episode — not background noise. Get full access to J'K Here at jkfrederick.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode:- How entertainment teaches us to accept violence as normal- The "dazzle" effect: when harm is wrapped in beauty- From C-dramas to conflict minerals: the loop connecting entertainment, technology, and violence against women- The Economy of Apathy: why corporations can afford to wait out our outrage- What we can do when we finally see the patternContent Warning: This episode discusses sexual violence in media, drug-facilitated assault, exploitation in fashion/entertainment, human trafficking, and violence in the DRC.Resources mentioned: Organizations to Support:DRC/Conflict Minerals:Panzi Foundation: panzifoundation.orgENOUGH Project: enoughproject.orgGlobal Witness: globalwitness.orgAnti-Trafficking (UK):Unseen UK: unseenuk.org | Helpline: 08000 121 700The Salvation Army (UK Anti-Trafficking): salvationarmy.org.ukECPAT UK: ecpat.org.ukVAWG Support (UK):Women's Aid: womensaid.org.uk | Helpline: 0808 2000 247Rape Crisis England & Wales: rapecrisis.org.uk | Helpline: 0808 500 2222Refuge: refuge.org.ukFull UK Support Directory: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1mVbCZxYHt8ItGJUymJNi_Uk9hIC9Wa6E0n0SFMIvxaM/edit?usp=sharingIf you need help:US National Human Trafficking Hotline: 1-888-373-7888UK Modern Slavery Helpline: 08000 121 700Samaritans (UK): 116 123Listen wherever you get podcasts. Get full access to J'K Here at jkfrederick.substack.com/subscribe

A reflection on abundance, shame, and remembering what was never lost.In this episode, I explore:- The psychology of scarcity and suggestion- How shame enters and teaches us to hide- Why abundance often goes unnoticed until it feels threatened- Discernment between voices of truth and lack- Healing as participation, not passivity- The courage to receive support- Eden as an inner state, not a destinationListening note:This episode reflects on shame and healing through a spiritual lens. Please take care of yourself and pause whenever you need. Get full access to J'K Here at jkfrederick.substack.com/subscribe

Episode:3 – What’s in a Name?Podcast: Like Me OfficiallyHost: J’KIn this episode, J’K explores:- Why names carry power beyond words- How labels can become identities — without our consent- The psychological impact of being named by others- The difference between survival and becoming- Why some labels help… and others quietly limit us- The body’s role in remembering what the mind avoids- Choosing a name that allows growth, not pressure- Why naming yourself is an act of agency, not rejectionContent note:This episode includes references to sexual violence and identity after trauma. Please listen at your own pace and take care of yourself.Reflection invitation:What name are you living under right now — and did you choose it? Get full access to J'K Here at jkfrederick.substack.com/subscribe

Life After “Survivor”What happens when the word survivor no longer fits?In this episode of Like Me, J’K explores what it means to live beyond survival, not by erasing the past, but by loosening its grip on identity.For years, surviving became both a skill and a label. It shaped how the body stayed alert, how safety was negotiated, and how patterns of loss and stability quietly repeated themselves. Even when life became calmer, the nervous system continued to operate as if danger were just around the corner.This episode reflects on how trauma lives in the body, not just in memory and how healing is less about fixing what broke and more about teaching the body that peace is safe.Drawing on personal reflection, neuroscience, spirituality, and the rhythms of nature, J’K examines the weight and limits of the word survivor, the difference between endurance and evolution, and what it means to live within what’s next, rather than beyond what was.This is a conversation about identity, awareness, and becoming about choosing to live fully, not just live past.In This EpisodeSurvival as a skill and how it becomes identityWhy the body holds trauma long after the threat has passedLearned fear vs learned safetyThe limits of the word survivorHealing through neuroscience, spirituality, and natureMoving from endurance into evolutionKey ReflectionSurvival may keep you alive, but it doesn’t have to define who you become.About the HostJ’K is the host of Like Me, a reflective podcast exploring identity, self-advocacy, healing, and life beyond survival — into courage, self-insurance, and thriving.Listen, Reflect, ShareIf this episode made you pause or reflect, consider sharing it with someone who might need space to breathe today.For UK support, access the Support Directory Get full access to J'K Here at jkfrederick.substack.com/subscribe

Like Me Intro... Get full access to J'K Here at jkfrederick.substack.com/subscribe

There was a long season where I didn’t recognise myself…and I wasn’t sure if I even liked who I saw.This episode marks the beginning of Like Me - a personal and immersive podcast about life after the violence, the shame, and the labels that were placed on me without my permission.I’m not teaching. I’m not fixing. I’m not holding myself up as an example.I’m sharing from my own experiences the questions I had to ask myself, the stories I carried for years, and the moment I realised they weren’t the full truth of me.If any of this lands with you, sit with it. Breathe into it. Take what you need, leave what you don’t.In this episode, I explore:Why I created this podcastThe stories I internalised about myselfHow experiences can turn into identitiesThe moment I realised I was more than what happened to meWhat it looks like to move from surviving into something fullerSupportIf anything in this episode brings up feelings or memories, I’ve created a UK-wide directory of specialist sexual violence and mental health support. Access it anytime here: Support Directory Get full access to J'K Here at jkfrederick.substack.com/subscribe