Listen Very Carefully - The ’Allo ’Allo! Podcast

Talk in the kitchen turns, as it must from time to time, to sausages – Gorden’s handling of them, and the fact that the saucy innuendo and naughty sight gags went over the heads of the children watching. When Gruber commandeers Helga’s uniform, the patrons of the café are treated to another of her spectacular corsets.

Gathered once more around the kitchen table, the talk turns to Kim’s vexation, lasting 40 years, at being cut from this episode, while Richard learns that he too has been excised. But they manage to put on a brave face, and are soon chuckling at Monsieur Alphonse, whose dicky ticker and tricky truss are put under strain as the ladies of the cafe appear in their scanties. Gruber does not relish searching under Fanny’s bedclothes for the Enigma machine, any more than does Mimi at being dropped down a sewer.

Interesting episode this week, as David Croft aand Jeremy Lloyd stood aside to welcome two new writers – John Chapman and Ian Davidson. The trio discuss slight differences in style, and the verdict overall is deemed to be positive. Much hilarity at Kim’s kitchen table as Guy treats us to impressions of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and a horse. Gorden deftly covers a minor setback, and the team discuss coping with things that go wrong during live theatre performances.

As we reach the 50th episode, agreement is unanimous that the writers Croft and Lloyd are on top form. At a ball for the generals, attended by all the regular characters, Mimi is hidden in a double bass case, while Yvette hides with Monsieur Alphonse in the piano – forcing his dicky ticker into overdrive. Flick and von Smallhausen, disguised as maids, display their pretty ankles, and René risks being fingered for the disappearance of Gruber’s little tank. In the Land of Pod, Kim gets a panto babe caught between her legs.

In this TV episode, the actors are squashed on to a train set (not a trainset, though not much bigger), and talk about the fun of miming rolling carriages. Richard, believing his scenes were all pre-filmed, plays truant from the studio on a holiday with his fiancée, and Is forced to make a breakneck journey to get back for an unscheduled scene. Guy recounts working with Johnny Depp, and lots of fun with listeners’ letters.

After a lengthy hiatus, Kim, Guy and Richard are overjoyed to find themselves back in the studio – or kitchen as some people call it – together with Ron and the cats. Subjects under discussion range from marvelling at Gorden’s delivery of his opening monologue, to Kim flipping her knickers on to a hatstand, and an encounter with the New Zealand police while on tour with Su Pollard from Hi de Hi!

Now that the podcast is on a short hiatus at the end of Season 2, we bring you a bonus episode – Willing Spirits, a the pilot for a radio sitcom that we created during lockdown, using smartphones and zoom. The cast was scattered across the globe, from Australia to Kent, via Herfordshire and the Cotswolds. This presented a number of challenges, and the quality is not as polished as it would be had it been recorded in a studio. However, we think it will still entertain, and depending on the response that we receive from airing this, we will consider re-recording it, along with the rest of the series. Some of our more sharp-eared listeners will recognise the voice of Jan Francis, who played Yvette in Secret Army – the drama series of which ‘Allo ‘Allo! was based, and whose character was the model for Michelle of the Resistance. See Kim, Guy and Richard live in the Listen Very Carefully stage show at: Guildford Yvonne Arnaud – 11 October 2025 (Matinee) Salford, Lowry Theatre – 12 October 2025 (Matinee) Shrewsbury, Severn Theatre (Evening) Book now at Fane.co.uk

Gathered around Kim’s table once again, the Peasants talk about Kim removing Richard’s trousers, sharing a jacuzzi with the red hot 1980s’ band Curiosity Killed the Cat, and many other matters of world importance. As they toast the final episode of Season 2 of the podcast with a glass of Prosecco (any excuse), Richard is made to drink his from a plastic cup, as he is not to be trusted with glass. Lots of plot, as usual, involving another elaborate scheme by Michellle of the Resistance to get the airman away, but as usual, it all turns to dust. This episode marks the end of Season 2. But we are not going away, and will be back in a few weeks with more analysis  of the great questions of the universe. See Kim, Guy and Richard live in The Listen Very Carefully stage show at: Guildford Yvonne Arnaud – 11 October 2025 (Matinee) Salford, Lowry Theatre – 12 October 2025 (Matinee) Shrewsbury, Severn Theatre (Evening) Tickets are selling fast, so book now at Fane.co.uk You can also watch a video of this podcast at: https://www.youtube.com/@HelgaGruberFlick/videos  

Plenty of the usual lively chat from Kim’s kitchen. Monsieur Leclerc puts in a brief appearance as an exploding pudding seller, but is ejected before he has a chance to speak. In a scene involving Lieutenant Gruber, the writers are powerless to resist a “they eat faggots for breakfast gag”. Kim’s unusually tanned complexion and the liveliness of the acting hint at a recent break from filming. Disguised as monks, Flick and von Smallhausen look even sexier than usual, and soon find themselves tangled up in the bell tower of a church – or, as von Smallhausen puts it: “suspended by the clappers”. With the second series of the podcast soon to take a short break, the peasants float the idea of airing the pilot of an audio comedy series that they have recorded, with the possibility of releasing the series as a podcast. See Kim, Guy and Richard live in The Listen Very Carefully stage show at: Guildford Yvonne Arnaud – 11 October 2025 (Matinee) Salford, Lowry Theatre – 12 October 2025 (Matinee) Shrewsbury, Severn Theatre (Evening) Tickets are selling fast, so book now at Fane.co.uk You can also watch a video of this podcast at: https://www.youtube.com/@HelgaGruberFlick/videos

The  episode commences with a duet from René and Edith. Needless to say, one of them is more in tune than the other. The airmen, concealed in a pair of large mines, are being trained in how to release themselves in mid-air by unscrewing their nuts. Once again, despite elaborate groundwork by Michelle of the Resistance, things do not go according to plan. In the kitchen, Kim’s hospitality towards her fellow peasants is as lavish as ever, and as they toil at their work, the heatwave raging outside makes extra ice essential in the gin. See Kim, Guy and Richard live in The Listen Very Carefully stage show at: Guildford Yvonne Arnaud – 11 October 2025 (Matinee) Salford, Lowry Theatre – 12 October 2025 (Matinee) Shrewsbury, Severn Theatre (Evening) Tickets are selling fast, so book now at Fane.co.uk You can also watch a video of this podcast at: https://www.youtube.com/@HelgaGruberFlick/videos

René has arrived at the café still wearing his hospital gown after last week's escapade. The fun starts right away as Gruber makes an entrance, and René tries to avoid turning around. Flick orders von Smallhausen to be smuggled into the mortuary, disguised as a corpse, Bertorelli’s trousers are used to hide the money, and the Colonel impersonates a French peasant on the telephone. Despite starting the pod by saying there is not much to say, Kim and friends soon find plenty of lively stories to share around the kitchen table.  See Kim, Guy and Richard live in The Listen Very Carefully stage show at: Guildford Yvonne Arnaud – 11 October 2025 (Matinee) Salford, Lowry Theatre – 12 October 2025 (Matinee) Shrewsbury, Severn Theatre (Evening) Tickets are selling fast, so book now at Fane.co.uk You can also watch a video of this podcast at: https://www.youtube.com/@HelgaGruberFlick/videos

The Peasants have to persuade themselves to come in from Kim and John's sunlit garden to record this week’s pod. But it turns out to be no hardship, as the episode gallops along. Monsieur Alphonse finds himself in Herr Flick's cellar, being questioned by Helga in connection with the money from the bank robbery. But the sight of her stocking tops is too much for his dicky ticker, and he soon finds himself in hospital – a German one – which is fraught with jeopardy. There are the usual antics, as everyone seeks ways to prevent Monsieur Alphonse from spilling the beans about the stolen Gestapo cash. As ever, there is no shortage of chat and fun around Kim’s kitchen table. See Kim, Guy and Richard live in the Listen Very Carefully stage show at: Guildford Yvonne Arnaud – 11 October 2025 (Matinee) Salford, Lowry Theatre – 12 October 2025 (Matinee) Shrewsbury, Severn Theatre (Evening) Book now at Fane.co.uk   You can also watch a video of this podcast at: https://www.youtube.com/@HelgaGruberFlick/videos

Life doesn't get any simpler for René – as ever. While the long-distance duck is made ready for launch, carrying microfilm of the German plan for the invasion of England, she produces a clutch of ducklings. As the Colonel and Gruber divvy up the bank robbery money, Helga takes exception to being short changed over her share. Out in the town square, Crabtree orders a pound of “wonkles” from Flick and von Smallhausen, disguised as fish sellers. See Kim, Guy and Richard live in the Listen Very Carefully stage show at: Guildford Yvonne Arnaud – 11 October 2025 (Matinee) Salford, Lowry Theatre – 12 October 2025 (Matinee) Shrewsbury, Severn Theatre (Evening) Book now at Fane.co.uk   You can also watch a video of this podcast at: https://www.youtube.com/@HelgaGruberFlick/videos

Life doesn't get any simpler for René – as ever. While the long-distance duck is made ready for launch, carrying microfilm of the German plan for the invasion of England, she produces a clutch of ducklings. As the Colonel and Gruber divvy up the bank robbery money, Helga takes exception to being short changed over her share. Out in the town square, Crabtree orders a pound of “wonkles” from Flick and von Smallhausen, disguised as fish sellers. See Kim, Guy and Richard live in the Listen Very Carefully stage show at: Guildford Yvonne Arnaud – 11 October 2025 (Matinee) Salford, Lowry Theatre – 12 October 2025 (Matinee) Shrewsbury, Severn Theatre (Evening) Book now at Fane.co.uk   You can also watch a video of this podcast at: https://www.youtube.com/@HelgaGruberFlick/videos  

The team marvel at the inventiveness of the writers, David Croft and Jeremy Lloyd, who had to deliver a continuous series of 26 episodes with no outside help. The scale of the task boggles the mind, and yet there is tons of plot, gags aplenty, and lots of disguises. These include, once again, Mimi and Herr Flick in prams, dressed as unlikely babies, pushed by René in the garb of a priest and Helga in a nurse’s uniform, complete with – naturally – lots of red lipstick. Following a successful bank raid, everyone is after a piece of a million francs, and Monsieir Alphonse’s dicky ticker does not respond well to his seeing handfuls of his fortune going up in flames. Where is the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies? Start by looking down Lieutenant Gruber’s trousers. You can also watch a video of this podcast at: https://www.youtube.com/@HelgaGruberFlick/videos Come and see Kim, Guy and Richard live in The Listen Very Carefully stage show at: Guildford Yvonne Arnaud – 11 October 2025 (Matinee) Salford, Lowry Theatre – 12 October 2025 (Matinee) Shrewsbury, Severn Theatre (Evening) Book now at Fane.co.uk

Following the fiasco in the previous episode involving the mix-up with the generals and their disguises, Gruber and the Colonel are in big trouble with the top brass, and make a plan to hide out in the Vatican until after the war. Needless to say, things do not quite go according to plan. As René makes himself handy with some bricklaying, Guy and Richard recall their days doing building work in between acting jobs – and Kim turns out to have put in a spot of bricklaying too. This week marks the first of our “Gin Corner” features, in which the team discuss and selflessly sample different varieties of gin. We also see the return of Fallen Madonna Watch, about which no one seems any the wiser than in any other week. See Kim, Guy and Richard live in the Listen Very Carefully stage show at: Guildford Yvonne Arnaud – 11 October 2025 (Matinee) Salford, Lowry Theatre – 12 October 2025 (Matinee) Shrewsbury, Severn Theatre (Evening) Book now at Fane.co.uk   You can also watch a video of this podcast at: https://www.youtube.com/@HelgaGruberFlick/videos

As René puts it in his opening speech, it is just a normal Tuesday in wartorn France. After nearly blowing Herr Flick to smithereens, he prepares to flee Nouvion, but is saved at the last minute by Lieutenant Gruber. Herr Flick, following his ordeal, is in bandages and chains – which Helga wastes not time in yanking. Yvette and Michelle of the Resisitance have a heart-to-heart about their feelings for René, during which Michelle admits that he drives her round the twist (tweest). The story ends with a fish truck full of German generals dressed as onion sellers, together with a crowd of French peasants in the guise of German generals. To make sense of any of this, it is best to watch the episode form the series. It will pay rich rewards. Y See Kim, Guy and Richard live in the Listen Very Carefully stage show at: Guildford Yvonne Arnaud – 11 October 2025 (Matinee) Salford, Lowry Theatre – 12 October 2025 (Matinee) Shrewsbury, Severn Theatre (Evening) Book now at Fane.co.uk   You can also watch a video of this podcast at: https://www.youtube.com/@HelgaGruberFlick/videos

In spite of Bertorelli’s efforts with his pistol in the previous episode, the homing duck turns out not to be dead – just having a little rest. Monsieur Alphonse attempts to take its temperature in an intimate fashion, and is rewarded with a faceful of feathers. There is high entertainment when the duck turns out to be a she, and lays an egg in Fanny’s bed. René masquerades as a French general, complete with an exploding nose, which blows Herr Flick off his feet. Michelle asks to be alone (alern) with René, then declares undying love. Keep listening to find out how this plays out in a future instalment. The tone of the chat in Kim’s kitchen is as convivial as ever, not hindered by some fragrant melon gin. See Kim, Guy and Richard live in the Listen Very Carefully stage show at: Guildford Yvonne Arnaud – 11 October 2025 (Matinee) Salford, Lowry Theatre – 12 October 2025 (Matinee) Shrewsbury, Severn Theatre (Evening) Book now at Fane.co.uk   You can also watch a video of this podcast at: https://www.youtube.com/@HelgaGruberFlick/videos

Welcome once more to Kim’s kitchen, where there is fun to be had with René and the staff, trying as ever to please the Resistance as well as the Germans. In the mcourse of a summit meeting at the chateau of a collection of German generals, René has been ordered by Michelle to photograph a map of their planned invasion, using a prosthetic arm and a little knob under his apron. Kim, Guy and Richard marvel once again at Carmen’s skilful playing, and enjoy Jack Haig and Kenneth Connor playing together for possibly the first time. Watch out for an appearance by an actor who later became famous in a popular soap… See Kim, Guy and Richard live in the Listen Very Carefully stage show at: Guildford Yvonne Arnaud – 11 October 2025 (Matinee) Salford, Lowry Theatre – 12 October 2025 (Matinee) Shrewsbury, Severn Theatre (Evening) Book now at Fane.co.uk   You can also watch a video of this podcast at: https://www.youtube.com/@HelgaGruberFlick/videos

Plenty to chat about, as ever, starting with respectful recognition of a dazzling performance by the duck. After recording so many episodes, the tripod realise that there are moments they have completely forgotten, and are watching them as though for the first time. Mimi does an oiutstanding turn in the café, with high kicks and tapping, to thunderous applause. To escape the Communist Resistance, Edith swaps places with Madame Fanny, who comes close to being compromised by Monsieur Alphonse. At home with the Flicks, Helga burns Otto’s shirt tail.  See Kim, Guy and Richard live in the Listen Very Carefully stage show at: Guildford Yvonne Arnaud – 11 October 2025 (Matinee) Salford, Lowry Theatre – 12 October 2025 (Matinee) Shrewsbury, Severn Theatre (Evening) Book now at Fane.co.uk   You can also watch a video of this podcast at: https://www.youtube.com/@HelgaGruberFlick/videos

Following their slightly lukewarm review of the previous episode, the trio are back in fan mode. René attempts to leave the country disguised as an ancient Jehovah’s Witness, which fools no one, but offers the opportunity for a Jack Haig impression. Gruber and Helga get into disguise as a pimp and his lady, in a plan to protect René in his complicated relationship with the Communist Resistance. Carstairs reflects on whether there is such a thing as the Liberal Resistance. Kim reveals that she still has the exotic turban from this episode, and she models it specially for the listeners.  See Kim, Guy and Richard live in the Listen Very Carefully stage show at: Guildford Yvonne Arnaud – 11 October 2025 (Matinee) Salford, Lowry Theatre – 12 October 2025 (Matinee) Shrewsbury, Severn Theatre (Evening) Book now at Fane.co.uk   You can also watch a video of this podcast at: https://www.youtube.com/@HelgaGruberFlick/videos

Kim and Richard begin by suggesting that this was not the best episode ever. Guy challenges them robustly, and after finding plenty to talk about, the tripod agrees that it is pretty good after all. René and Edith reminsce about their early romance, and how she was the most beautiful girl in the town – in fact, the only girl in the town. There is the capture of René by the Communist Resistance, and the wedding that he is obliged to make to their leader, the fearsome Denise Laroque – which gives cause for the entire cast to assemble in the church in the usual range of disguises – Monsieur Leclerc as the organist, Crabtree as the priest and Flick and Helga as choirboy and choirgirl. Gruber, as best man, is distracted by grief at the propect of René’s maririage. See Kim, Guy and Richard in The Listen Very Carefully live show at: Guildford Yvonne Arnaud – 11 October 2025 (Matinee) Salford, Lowry Theatre – 12 October 2025 (Matinee) Shrewsbury, Severn Theatre (Evening) Book now at Fane.co.uk

Crabtree is is caught up in the demolition of the town convenience, and we are treated to a glimpse of an evening at home with the Flicks. Phoebe Scholfield, who usually plays Henriette – stalwart member of the Maquis Resistance – seems to have changed sides, and appears this week with the Communists. The production team do not seem to have noticed… The airman have some solid scenes this week, which leads the trio to lament that they didn’t have more to do in the series over all. Kim recounts an explosive moment on stage. See Kim, Guy and Richard in The Listen Very Carefully live show at: Guildford Yvonne Arnaud – 11 October 2025 (Matinee) Salford, Lowry Theatre – 12 October 2025 (Matinee) Shrewsbury, Severn Theatre (Evening) Book now at Fane.co.uk

Much to enjoy this week. Kim marvels at the pace of Gorden’s opening monologue, and declares it an example of dynamic playing for all actors. She also pretends not to get excited about the numbering of the podcasts. Kim and Guy notice for the first time that this episode marks the beginning of a romance between Helga and Gruber that will eventually result in marriage and children. Boohoo Herr Flick… In the real world, Kim is spotted in a cinema in which she is appearing, and Ron Hartman – better known as the illustrious actor, John Nolan, whose eminence is often overlooked, even in his own kitchen – treats viewers and listeners to the reading of a letter, as well as some choice storytelling. See Kim, Guy and Richard in The Listen Very Carefully live show at: Guildford Yvonne Arnaud – 11 October 2025 (Matinee) Salford, Lowry Theatre – 12 October 2025 (Matinee) Shrewsbury, Severn Theatre (Evening) Book now at Fane.co.uk

Despite the fact that his episode is entitled Dinner with the General, there is very little talk either of Dinner or the General. Instead the chat covers a range of topics, loosely around the making of 'Allo ‘Allo! – including a fire practice at the studio with the cast of Doctor Who, and the madness of working on the tv series by day and onstage in the West End by night. Guy proves himself to be a cat whisperer, and we are treated to the reading of a letter by the head of the studio, Ron Hartman – sometimes known as the distinguished actor, John Nolan. See Kim, Guy and Richard in The Listen Very Carefully live show at: Guildford Yvonne Arnaud – 11 October 2025 (Matinee) Salford, Lowry Theatre – 12 October 2025 (Matinee) Shrewsbury, Severn Theatre (Evening) Book now at Fane.co.uk

What better setting for an episode about a potato than Kim's kitchen? The usual fun and laughter, as the trio are joined by Ron Hartman for vital insights. Gruber is surprised in his bath by René, as Helga lets down her hair for Herr Flick. Kim tells of her first theatre job as a smoke squirter and mouse puller, and Richard and Guy discuss their first encounters with the paparazzi. Meanwhile, Edith gets a goosing from Monsieur Alphonse. Now also on video at: https://www.youtube.com/@HelgaGruberFlick/videos See Kim, Guy and Richard in The Listen Very Carefully live show at: Guildford Yvonne Arnaud – 11 October 2025 (Matinee) Salford, Lowry Theatre – 12 October 2025 (Matinee) Shrewsbury, Severn Theatre (Evening) Book now at Fane.co.uk

Following the success of the first Listen Very Carefully season, this episode introduces the much-awaited Season 2. While the podsters talk about the Desperate Doings in the Dungeon, Kim’s kitchen transitions into a studio, as the pod launches for the first time on video as well: https://www.youtube.com/@HelgaGruberFlick/videos Viewers are treated to the sight of both René and Herr Flick chained to a dungeon wall, dressed in the undergarments of a woman of the opposite sex. Gruber looks fetching in a black leather trenchcoat, and Helga is in top scheming mode. There is plenty of talk about other pressing 'Allo 'Allo! matters, including backstage capers during the stage show. See Kim, Guy and Richard in The Listen Very Carefully live show at: Guildford Yvonne Arnaud – 11 October 2025 (Matinee) Salford, Lowry Theatre – 12 October 2025 (Matinee) Shrewsbury, Severn Theatre (Evening) Book now at Fane.co.uk

We present a special bonus episode, sent to us by Christopher Beswick, of a full-length interview he conducted with Gordon Kaye in 1991, when he had returned to work following his life-threatening accident.

This episode marks the end of Season One, and we celebrate with a surprise guest and a “guess the mystery voice” game. Although this episode is called the Jet-Propelled Mother-in-Law, no one can decide what the episode is actually about – as we encounter the people from the café treading grapes, and various other antics around Nouvion – as well as von Smallhausen savouring his rare moments of revenge.

The podders attempt to keep track of the sausages. After the first twenty they give up, exhausted. Kim entertains with a tale of pranks on tour. Christian Dyall gets a bit of worship for his imaginative and lavish costumes. But where is the real painting of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies? Did the writers even know?

As Mimi takes to the skies as an airborne nun, it is an astounding week for cast impressions. Guy treats us to a Bertorelli, as well as a Michelle of the Resistance, and Kim delivers a terrifyingly realistic von Smallhasuen. A double disguise for Herr Flick – first as a gypsy playing the fiddle with gloves on – then into Helga's uniform to fool no one as Frau Kinkenrotten. Kim entertains with a tale of trying to fly a box kite with her dad.

This week, despite distractions from Alexa, a photographer called Rowan and a bottle of Prosecco, Kim, Guy and Richard maintain their usual level of sober professionalism while discussing the episode in which the new characters of Captain Bertorelli and Mimi la Bonq are introduced.

Is there such a thing as an episode-numbering nerd? Or geek? Or both? Question: Who literally cares which season or blinkin' episode this is? Answer: Kim, as well as some of the show's most militant archivists. Anyway, this is Pod 24, and the fun starts long before we unveil our literally special guest. Tune in and meet her/him/them. The series says farewell to Sam Kelly as Hans, as he is catapulted over the wire, and Francesca Gonshaw as Maria, who is posted to Switzerland in a parcel. For a change, iced tea is served in Kim's kitchen.

The committee starts to get strict about overuse of the word "wonderful" – which is likely to have little effect. More fun and frolics in the prison camp, and the trio celebrate the rare privilege of seeing Richard Marner do the Can Can, Gruber dressed as a nun, and Helga singing a long-overdue Lili Marlene. 

Amid panto reminiscences from our pod trio (tripod), we discover that Fanny's pet name for her lover van Gogh was Bobby. While Guy and Richard get all knowing about the McGuffin device in detective stories, Kim insists it is a burger chain meal deal. They discuss the lengths that some performers will go to in order to secure a close-up, including gaining access to the camera scripts (some of them dummies created by the production team to throw them off the scent). Meanwhile, Kim, Guy and Richard protest too much at the suggestion they would ever chase a close-up.

British airmen dressed as ladies of the night; Maria and Yvette disguised as ancient crones; a melodramatic fake murder scenario during a flamenco performance by Edith in the café; a plan to smuggle the airmen into the prison camp via a tunnel from the mortuary; a priceless van Gogh that has been hanging unnoticed in the café and turns out to have been a gift from the painter to Fanny during a passionate affair. Busines as usual in Café René. Back in Kim's kitchen, our hosts question the story that Carmen grew up on a banana plantation in Canada.

More nuggets from Kim’s kitchen, as the trio mull over the events of the double-length Christmas Special – involving attempts from all sides to bump off General von Klinkerhoffen. Sam Kelly receives a well-deserved round of applause from the studio audience for his virtuoso speech about “the pill in the till, the drug in the jug and the Gateau from the Chateau”. There is talk of a crashing air balloon, screwing down a billiard table, and Gorden’s graceful handling of props. A mischievous prank by Kim and Richard at the George Hotel backfires badly on them.

Now that René has recovered the painting, Michelle plans to catapult the airman away in a glider, using elastic from men's braces. But collecting them in the dead of night presents yet another problem for the long-suffering café owner. A runaway steamroller flattens Herr Flick's staff car, which is only insured third-party. As the village clock chimes eight outside Kim' cottage, it's time for our hosts to crack open the gin.

Rene is busy in the cellar, bricking up the painting, while Flick and Helga have their first date in the back room. But this episode is well out of order – it was the third one of the series, instead of the 18th, but who really cares anyway? The Big Boobies get their first mention, accompanied by an on-air mime, and the team are impressed by the modest grace of Carmen's movement.

Maria is sent to Gruber's quarters at the chateau with the real Fallen Madonna for him to copy, but is intercepted by von Klinkerhoffen. René and Edith, and the Colonel and Hans infiltrate the chateau to steal back the painting, and a suit of armour with a distinctive limp joins the trail. Helga performs the strip of a lifetime – causing Kim to put her back out.

Monsieur Alphonse’s ransom loan is repaid in notes forged by Monsieur Leclerc, as the Resistance smuggle out the motor from General von Klinkerhoffen's lawn mower in Madame Fanny's wheelchair. Gruber’s little tank makes its debut with its feeble little horn, while its owner is delivered to Herr Flick’s cellar rolled up in a carpet. Anna Stubley gets a special mention for her magnificent costumes, Sherry Louise Plant makes her debut as Lisette, and Guy remarks on the quality of Gorden’s opening. 

Rene delivers his opening monologue from the bath, Monsieur Alfonse slurps his soup and passes out, Madame Fanny fits four in her bed, and Paul Cooper makes his debut as Herr Flick’s tailor. When the knockwurst is snatched by Gruber’s dog, the chase turns into one of the most outlandish horizon shots of the series.

Once again, the team claims this as a favourite episode. The classic dungeon scene features Herr Flick on his mighty organ, as Helga lets down her hair and turns the wheel to bring the ceiling down on their captives. Gorden supplies a severed head in the rehearsal room, and John D Collins knocks himself out and breaks both ankles. Meanwhile, Monsieur Alphonse’s wooing of Madame Edith continues unabated.

More fun and laughter as we discover Edith selling tickets to the duel between Rene and Monsieur Alphonse, Helga trying to eat peas while handcuffed, share tales of von Smallhausen’s beginnings in a strip club, and hear of the origins of a famous catchphrase.

This week’s pod introduces our first surprise guest – guaranteed to entertain.

Monsieur Alphonse challenges Rene to a duel, Monsieur Leclerc nicks knickers, and a cow rides by on a tandem.

This week’s round-table discussion brings news of a famous fan, while Guy pulls a face for the listeners and the King calls Kim a ghastly creature.

The talk this week around Kim's table turns to the three Fallen Madonnas and all their attributes, and Edith's search for a new husband. Tribute is paid to Secret Army, on which 'Allo 'Allo! was based.

As this week's chat takes in a rare sighting of Rene's back passage and Kenn Oldfield's inspired choreography, the whereabouts of the Fallen Madonna begins to get complicated.

Welcome, once again, to Kim's kitchen, where the convivial chat covers subjects as diverse as the Colonel's vanishing pistol and Marie Antoinette's bosom.