Little French Jelly Death Match

Merry Christmas! Time for seven more jams to die.

Tomorrow is Xmas and we're ready to X two of the final three jams PERMANENTLY. Will they be Christmasy? Will they even be jams? Only one way to find out... read the AI summary of this podcast episode! Listening is for chumps

Christmas is almost here! And given the current Stanley tumbler supply, it's a great opportunity to buy one and time travel back to 2024

What's more Christmassy than a peppercorn?

Last ChristmasI gave you my jamBut the very next dayYou gave it away

Not even a fortnight has passed and already blueberry is back in our mouths? Go off, Bonne Maman.

Anything's a fruit when you do the research! Join us as we taste spreads 7-9 on the most IDGAF (I don't give a FRUIT) Bonne Maman Advent Calendar.

Wassail away wassail away wassail awayFrom the North Pole to the South PoleEbudæ unto KhartoumFrom the deep Sea of CloudsTo Santa's workshop on the MoonJoin us for an esoteric carol quiz and our taste test of days 4-6 of the 2025 Bonne Maman advent calendar.

The quest to find the best 2025 Bonne Maman advent calendar begins! Abbey and Travis must each choose to kill one of the following: Wild Blueberry Maple Syrup, Fig Cardamom or Plum Pear Star Anise. Only one can survive to the Christmas final!

Jam the halls with jars of jam!It's a Christmas miracle. Abbey and Travis are back to review all 24 jams in the Bonne Maman 2025 advent calendar of li'l French jellies. This year, there's a twist: We'll publish every three days, reviewing the past triduums' spreads and choosing the best of the three to move on to the grand final bracket on Christmas day.

'Twas the jam before Jam-mas, when all through the jam / Not a jam was jamming, not even a jam; / The jam were jam by the jam with jam, / Jam jam jam jam jam jam jam jam jam jam jam. It's the grand finale of "Little French Jelly Death Match" and today Abbey Kos and Travis Larchuk try the twenty-fourth of 23 jams and 1 honey, and then never eat jam ever again. Merry Christmas and thanks for joining us on this delightful journey! CURRENT STANDINGS 1. Cherry Christmas Spice (66) -- 6-day jampion 2. Strawberry Star Anise (65) 3. Orange Cinnamon (63) 4. Mirabelle Plum Spice (58) -- tie at #4 4. Mirabelle Plum Linden Blossom (58) -- tie at #4 6. Strawberry and Redcurrant (54) 7. White Nectarine Peach Lemon Verbena (47) -- tie at #7 7. Fig Cardamom (47) -- tie at #7 9. Apricot Peach (45) 10. Cherry Elderflower (44) 11. Strawberry Verbena (43) 12. Apricot Bergamot (42) - tie at #12 12. Pineapple Yuzu (42) - tie at #12 12. Orange Mandarin (42) - tie at #12 12. Orange Yuzu Grapefruit (42) - tie at #12 12. Peach Jasmine Flower (42) - tie at #12 17. Peach Mint (40) 18. Rhubarb Strawberry (35) 19. Apple Caramel Cinnamon (34) 20. Mango Raspberry Lime (32) -- tie at #20 20. Pear with Cocoa Nib (32) -- tie at #20 22. Grapefruit Dragonfruit (24)

I'm going to be quite honest. Mango Raspberry Lime? What are we doing here? On this, the eve of Christmas Eve? This couldn't have come earlier in the calendar? Who's programming this thing? What's happening? If this were the AV Club, you'd be getting a C-, Bonne Maman. Step it up. Anyway, "Little French Jelly Death Match" is almost over, and before this feed reverts back to seltzer stuff Abbey Kos and Travis Larchuk are trying the twenty-third of 23 jams and 1 honey. CURRENT STANDINGS 1. Cherry Christmas Spice (66) -- 5-day jampion 2. Strawberry Star Anise (65) 3. Orange Cinnamon (63) 4. Mirabelle Plum Spice (58) -- tie at #4 4. Mirabelle Plum Linden Blossom (58) -- tie at #4 6. Strawberry and Redcurrant (54) 7. White Nectarine Peach Lemon Verbena (47) -- tie at #7 7. Fig Cardamom (47) -- tie at #7 9. Apricot Peach (45) 10. Cherry Elderflower (44) 11. Strawberry Verbena (43) 12. Apricot Bergamot (42) - tie at #12 12. Pineapple Yuzu (42) - tie at #12 12. Orange Mandarin (42) - tie at #12 12. Orange Yuzu Grapefruit (42) - tie at #12 12. Peach Jasmine Flower (42) - tie at #12 17. Peach Mint (40) 18. Rhubarb Strawberry (35) 19. Apple Caramel Cinnamon (34) 20. Pear with Cocoa Nib (32) 21. Grapefruit Dragonfruit (24)

First, a jellyfish fact has washed up on the beach of this podcast. After we have some fun learning about marine biology, we try some more jam because that's all we do or have ever done with our lives. Time is running out to be named the best jam before Christmas! And today, Abbey Kos and Travis Larchuk dive into the twenty-second of 23 jams and 1 honey. CURRENT STANDINGS 1. Cherry Christmas Spice (66) -- 4-day jampion 2. Orange Cinnamon (63) 3. Mirabelle Plum Spice (58) -- tie at #3 3. Mirabelle Plum Linden Blossom (58) -- tie at #3 5. Strawberry and Redcurrant (54) 6. White Nectarine Peach Lemon Verbena (47) -- tie at #6 6. Fig Cardamom (47) -- tie at #6 8. Apricot Peach (45) 9. Cherry Elderflower (44) 10. Strawberry Verbena (43) 11. Apricot Bergamot (42) - tie at #11 11. Pineapple Yuzu (42) - tie at #11 11. Orange Mandarin (42) - tie at #11 11. Orange Yuzu Grapefruit (42) - tie at #11 11. Peach Jasmine Flower (42) - tie at #11 16. Peach Mint (40) 17. Rhubarb Strawberry (35) 18. Apple Caramel Cinnamon (34) 19. Pear with Cocoa Nib (32) 20. Grapefruit Dragonfruit (24)

The font size has never been smaller as Bonne Maman throws every fucking ingredient it has into one jam. The end is near and they need to clear out the pantry, plus all the jams have been good lately, so let's cut them some slack. In this episode, Abbey Kos and Travis Larchuk try the twenty-first of 23 jams and 1 honey. CURRENT STANDINGS 1. Cherry Christmas Spice (66) -- 3-day jampion 2. Orange Cinnamon (63) 3. Mirabelle Plum Spice (58) -- tie at #3 3. Mirabelle Plum Linden Blossom (58) -- tie at #3 5. Strawberry and Redcurrant (54) 6. Fig Cardamom (47) 7. Apricot Peach (45) 8. Cherry Elderflower (44) 9. Strawberry Verbena (43) 10. Apricot Bergamot (42) - tie at #10 10. Pineapple Yuzu (42) - tie at #10 10. Orange Mandarin (42) - tie at #10 10. Orange Yuzu Grapefruit (42) - tie at #10 10. Peach Jasmine Flower (42) - tie at #10 15. Peach Mint (40) 16. Rhubarb Strawberry (35) 17. Apple Caramel Cinnamon (34) 18. Pear with Cocoa Nib (32) 19. Grapefruit Dragonfruit (24)

Why is Christmas in December? We'll clear that up. And then... the return of Mirabelle Plum! The return of spice! Could this team-up skyrocket to the top of the charts? Find out as "Little French Jelly Death Match" continues -- a podcast no one asked for, but Abbey Kos and Travis Larchuk are making anyway. It's the twentieth of 23 jams and 1 honey, and oh boy, we can hear the sleigh bells already. CURRENT STANDINGS 1. Cherry Christmas Spice (66) -- 2-day jampion 2. Orange Cinnamon (63) 3. Mirabelle Plum Linden Blossom (58) 4. Strawberry and Redcurrant (54) 5. Fig Cardamom (47) 6. Apricot Peach (45) 7. Cherry Elderflower (44) 8. Strawberry Verbena (43) 9. Apricot Bergamot (42) - tie at #9 9. Pineapple Yuzu (42) - tie at #9 9. Orange Mandarin (42) - tie at #9 9. Orange Yuzu Grapefruit (42) - tie at #9 9. Peach Jasmine Flower (42) - tie at #9 14. Peach Mint (40) 15. Rhubarb Strawberry (35) 16. Apple Caramel Cinnamon (34) 17. Pear with Cocoa Nib (32) 18. Grapefruit Dragonfruit (24)

Before we begin this episode, a quick note about the gender binary we've been opening the past 18 episodes with. This is an inclusive jam podcast, welcoming to all genders of jammers, and we apologize to those who felt left out. No one has said anything, but just in case. Also, it's time to try the nineteenth of 23 jams and 1 honey. CURRENT STANDINGS 1. Cherry Christmas Spice (66) 2. Mirabelle Plum Linden Blossom (58) 3. Strawberry and Redcurrant (54) 4. Fig Cardamom (47) 5. Apricot Peach (45) 6. Cherry Elderflower (44) 7. Strawberry Verbena (43) 8. Apricot Bergamot (42) - tie at #8 8. Pineapple Yuzu (42) - tie at #8 8. Orange Mandarin (42) - tie at #8 8. Orange Yuzu Grapefruit (42) - tie at #8 8. Peach Jasmine Flower (42) - tie at #8 13. Peach Mint (40) 14. Rhubarb Strawberry (35) 15. Apple Caramel Cinnamon (34) 16. Pear with Cocoa Nib (32) 17. Grapefruit Dragonfruit (24)

Please welcome to the stage: Cherry Christmas Spice! It's looking good for holiday spirit, because "Christmas" is literally in the name of this jam. Before Abbey Kos and Travis Larchuk try this eighteenth of 23 jams and 1 honey, they discuss the Biblical origins of Hanukkah and the existential dread of Lego. CURRENT STANDINGS 1. Mirabelle Plum Linden Blossom (58) -- 13-day jampion 2. Strawberry and Redcurrant (54) 3. Fig Cardamom (47) 4. Apricot Peach (45) 5. Cherry Elderflower (44) 6. Strawberry Verbena (43) 7. Apricot Bergamot (42) - tie at #7 7. Pineapple Yuzu (42) - tie at #7 7. Orange Mandarin (42) - tie at #7 7. Orange Yuzu Grapefruit (42) - tie at #7 7. Peach Jasmine Flower (42) - tie at #7 12. Peach Mint (40) 13. Rhubarb Strawberry (35) 14. Apple Caramel Cinnamon (34) 15. Pear with Cocoa Nib (32) 16. Grapefruit Dragonfruit (24)

Whew, that new Avatar movie was quite something, huh? I do think there could have been some more jam in it. Really, just not enough jam. What's going on, James, did you blow the entire budget on special effects and couldn't afford to put down a few Washingtons for a jar of fruit spread? Anyway, this isn't Rotten Tomatoes, it's a jam podcast that used to be a seltzer podcast. Today, Abbey Kos and Travis Larchuk try the seventeenth of 23 jams and 1 honey. 2/3 down, 1/3 to go, ho ho ho. CURRENT STANDINGS 1. Mirabelle Plum Linden Blossom (58) -- 12-day jampion 2. Strawberry and Redcurrant (54) 3. Fig Cardamom (47) 4. Apricot Peach (45) 5. Cherry Elderflower (44) 6. Strawberry Verbena (43) 7. Apricot Bergamot (42) - tie at #7 7. Pineapple Yuzu (42) - tie at #7 7. Orange Mandarin (42) - tie at #7 7. Orange Yuzu Grapefruit (42) - tie at #7 7. Peach Jasmine Flower (42) - tie at #7 12. Rhubarb Strawberry (35) 13. Apple Caramel Cinnamon (34) 14. Pear with Cocoa Nib (32) 15. Grapefruit Dragonfruit (24)

Things got POSH up in this advent calendar! Apricot!? Bergamot!?!? What is this, Saks Fifth Avenue!!????!? Get ready to feel like you're definitely part of the problem in our capitalist hellscape in this episode of "Little French Jelly Death Match." Today's consumers, as always, are Abbey Kos and Travis Larchuk. And they're going to taste the sixteenth of 23 jams and 1 honey. CURRENT STANDINGS 1. Mirabelle Plum Linden Blossom (58) -- 11-day jampion 2. Strawberry and Redcurrant (54) 3. Fig Cardamom (47) 4. Apricot Peach (45) 5. Cherry Elderflower (44) 6. Strawberry Verbena (43) 7. Pineapple Yuzu (42) - tie at #7 7. Orange Mandarin (42) - tie at #7 7. Orange Yuzu Grapefruit (42) - tie at #7 7. Peach Jasmine Flower (42) - tie at #7 11. Rhubarb Strawberry (35) 12. Apple Caramel Cinnamon (34) 13. Pear with Cocoa Nib (32) 14. Grapefruit Dragonfruit (24)

How long does jam keep? Today we'll give you the FDA's official guidelines on jam safety so you can know whether it's time to throw out the remnants of that Day 1 Rhubarb Strawberry spread. Plus, Abbey Kos and Travis Larchuk will stuff their maws with the fifteenth of 23 jams and 1 honey. "Little French Jelly Death Match" continues! CURRENT STANDINGS 1. Mirabelle Plum Linden Blossom (58) -- 10-day jampion 2. Strawberry and Redcurrant (54) 3. Fig Cardamom (47) 4. Apricot Peach (45) 5. Cherry Elderflower (44) 6. Pineapple Yuzu (42) - tie at #6 6. Orange Mandarin (42) - tie at #6 6. Orange Yuzu Grapefruit (42) - tie at #6 6. Peach Jasmine Flower (42) - tie at #6 10. Rhubarb Strawberry (35) 11. Apple Caramel Cinnamon (34) 12. Pear with Cocoa Nib (32) 13. Grapefruit Dragonfruit (24)

Here there be dragons! Dragons-fruits, that is! If you've never seen a dragonfruit, you probably weren't on Instagram about 5 years ago, back when it was about people taking pictures of cool-looking food truck stuff, before it became 100% shirtless selfies. If you liked that run-on sentence you'll love this episode of "Little French Jelly Death Match," as Abbey Kos and Travis Larchuk try the fourteenth of 23 jams and 1 honey. CURRENT STANDINGS 1. Mirabelle Plum Linden Blossom (58) -- 9-day jampion 2. Strawberry and Redcurrant (54) 3. Fig Cardamom (47) 4. Apricot Peach (45) 5. Cherry Elderflower (44) 6. Pineapple Yuzu (42) - tie at #6 6. Orange Mandarin (42) - tie at #6 6. Orange Yuzu Grapefruit (42) - tie at #6 6. Peach Jasmine Flower (42) - tie at #6 10. Rhubarb Strawberry (35) 11. Apple Caramel Cinnamon (34) 12. Pear with Cocoa Nib (32)

Her again? Yuzu continues to try to get into our good graces, this time by hitching its wagon to pineapple. Will it find more success than when it teamed up with orange and grapefruit, or is this a sequel that's worse than the first? Find out as Abbey Kos and Travis Larchuk try the thirteenth of 23 jams and 1 honey. CURRENT STANDINGS 1. Mirabelle Plum Linden Blossom (58) -- 8-day jampion 2. Strawberry and Redcurrant (54) 3. Fig Cardamom (47) 4. Apricot Peach (45) 5. Cherry Elderflower (44) 6. Orange Mandarin (42) - tie at #6 6. Orange Yuzu Grapefruit (42) - tie at #6 6. Peach Jasmine Flower (42) - tie at #6 9. Rhubarb Strawberry (35) 10. Apple Caramel Cinnamon (34) 11. Pear with Cocoa Nib (32)

Forget St. Nicholas, today it's all about St. Germain as we slam back some elderflower jam. It's also the UN's International Day of Neutrality. What are you neutral about today? Have you ever put your car in neutral? I think I've only ever done it by accident. I honestly don't know what that gear is for. Maybe if you're getting towed or something? It's day 12 which means Abbey Kos and Travis Larchuk are enjoying the twelfth of 23 jams and 1 honey. CURRENT STANDINGS 1. Mirabelle Plum Linden Blossom (58) -- 7-day jampion 2. Strawberry and Redcurrant (54) 3. Fig Cardamom (47) 4. Apricot Peach (45) 5. Orange Mandarin (42) - tie at #5 5. Orange Yuzu Grapefruit (42) - tie at #5 5. Peach Jasmine Flower (42) - tie at #5 8. Rhubarb Strawberry (35) 9. Apple Caramel Cinnamon (34) 10. Pear with Cocoa Nib (32)

We're almost halfway until Christmas, a great time to take a little break from the grind of eating jam after jam and check in on our mental and physical health. Also, how are you doing? You don't have to say if you don't want to, maybe just sit and think about it. Thank you for listening to "Little French Jelly Death Match," only 9,900 more listeners and we can monetize this baby. CURRENT STANDINGS 1. Mirabelle Plum Linden Blossom (58) -- 7-day jampion 2. Strawberry and Redcurrant (54) 3. Fig Cardamom (47) 4. Apricot Peach (45) 5. Orange Mandarin (42) - tie at #5 5. Orange Yuzu Grapefruit (42) - tie at #5 5. Peach Jasmine Flower (42) - tie at #5 8. Rhubarb Strawberry (35) 9. Apple Caramel Cinnamon (34) 10. Pear with Cocoa Nib (32)

We begin today's not-about-seltzer episode with a game about the most popular jam flavors. Can YOU guess them all? CAN YOU? I need to know because I'm being held captive and they'll only let me go if I can guess the most popular jam flavors. Please help! In the meantime, Abbey Kos and Travis Larchuk will try the tenth of 23 jams and 1 honey in their quest to find the best jam before Christmas. CURRENT STANDINGS 1. Mirabelle Plum Linden Blossom (58) -- 6-day jampion 2. Strawberry and Redcurrant (54) 3. Fig Cardamom (47) 4. Apricot Peach (45) 5. Orange Mandarin (42) - tie at #5 5. Orange Yuzu Grapefruit (42) - tie at #5 5. Peach Jasmine Flower (42) - tie at #5 8. Rhubarb Strawberry (35) 9. Pear with Cocoa Nib (32)

Go to the ATM machine to grab some cash money for a chai tea to enjoy alongside your jelly jam, because today's unnecessarily repetitive fruit spread is Orange Mandarin. In case you're wondering how this podcast got into your smart phone, "Little French Jelly Death Match" has taken over the Seltzer Death Match feed. Today, your special hosts Abbey Kos and Travis Larchuk will try the ninth of 23 jams and 1 honey.  CURRENT STANDINGS 1. Mirabelle Plum Linden Blossom (58) -- 5-day jampion 2. Strawberry and Redcurrant (54) 3. Fig Cardamom (47) 4. Apricot Peach (45) 5. Orange Yuzu Grapefruit (42) - tie at #5 5. Peach Jasmine Flower (42) - tie at #5 7. Rhubarb Strawberry (35) 8. Pear with Cocoa Nib (32)

Bring us some figgy pudding? More like, bring us some fig cardamom jam! Also, if you didn't know the horrifying truth about figs and wasps before, you will after listening to today's pod. Good luck sleeping tonight. Abbey Kos and Travis Larchuk continue our special holiday "Little French Jelly Death Match" with the eighth of 23 jams and 1 honey. Merry Christmas or whatever! CURRENT STANDINGS 1. Mirabelle Plum Linden Blossom (58) -- 4-day jampion 2. Strawberry and Redcurrant (54) 3. Apricot Peach (45) 4. Orange Yuzu Grapefruit (42) - tie at #4 4. Peach Jasmine Flower (42) - tie at #4 6. Rhubarb Strawberry (35) 7. Pear with Cocoa Nib (32)

Yum yum, more goopy Band-Aids! The race to become Christmas's Next Jam Superstar is heating up as a new jam steps into the spotlight. Her name is Peach Jasmine Flower and she does not mess around. Colloid? I don't know his phone number. Abbey Kos and Travis Larchuk try the seventh of 23 jams and 1 honey as this very extremely special holiday event continues. CURRENT STANDINGS 1. Mirabelle Plum Linden Blossom (58) -- 3-day jampion 2. Strawberry and Redcurrant (54) 3. Apricot Peach (45) 4. Orange Yuzu Grapefruit (42) 5. Rhubarb Strawberry (35) 6. Pear with Cocoa Nib (32)

How many times have you been run over by a reindeer? Also, what's pectin? The competition is getting sweet! "Little French Jelly Death Match" continues with Abbey Kos and Travis Larchuk's important work to find the best jam before Christmas, tasting the sixth of 23 jams and 1 honey. CURRENT STANDINGS 1. Mirabelle Plum Linden Blossom (58) -- 2-day jampion 2. Apricot Peach (45) 3. Orange Yuzu Grapefruit (42) 4. Rhubarb Strawberry (35) 5. Pear with Cocoa Nib (32)

Happy(?) Krampusnacht! It's the day when St. Nicholas's evil assistant(?) kidnaps naughty children and takes them to hell. What will Krampus think of today's jam, Pear with Cocoa Nibs? Will he take it to hell, or let St. Nick fill its little shoes with candies and toys? We'll find out when Abbey Kos and Travis Larchuk taste the fifth of 23 jams and 1 honey, as "Little French Jelly Death Match" continues. CURRENT STANDINGS: 1. Mirabelle Plum Linden Blossom (58) 2. Apricot Peach (45) 3. Orange Yuzu Grapefruit (42) 4. Rhubarb Strawberry (35)

Can you bring jam onto an airplane? What is a Linden Blossom? Either way, this episode is definitely approved to bring through a TSA security checkpoint. "Little French Jelly Death Match" continues with your hosts Abbey Kos and Travis Larchuk, as we taste the fourth of 23 jams and 1 honey on a quest to find the best jam before Christmas. CURRENT STANDINGS: 1. Apricot Peach (45) 2. Orange Yuzu Grapefruit (42) 3. Rhubarb Strawberry (35)

Today’s “Little French Jelly Death Match” begins with an explanation of jelly vs. jam vs. preserves vs. marmalade vs. compote. Does Bonne Maman care about the distinction? We know they're into labels, but usually those labels are just adorable ones made to look hand-written. Then, Abbey Kos and Travis Larchuk taste the third of 23 jams and 1 honey. The quest to find the best jam before Christmas is on! CURRENT STANDINGS: 1. Orange Yuzu Grapefruit (42) 2. Rhubarb Strawberry (35)

In today’s “Little French Jelly Death Match,” Abbey Kos and Travis Larchuk taste the second of 23 jams and 1 honey. We also learn about a little-known, and almost certainly fake, Dec. 2 holiday. Will Orange Yuzu Grapefruit unseat the current jam-pion? Yuzu'll have to listen to find out. CURRENT STANDINGS: 1. Rhubarb Strawberry (35)

In today’s “Little French Jelly Death Match,” Abbey Kos and Travis Larchuk unbox the Bonne Maman Advent Calendar and taste the first of 23 jams and 1 honey.

Surprise! Your seltzer feed has been taken over by an authorized spinoff of the franchise. “Little French Jelly Death Match” will be an audio advent calendar following the actual Bonne Maman advent calendar of little jams. We want you to play along! Snag a jam calendar here: https://www.bonnemaman.us/2022-advent-calendar.html?gclid=CjwKCAiA68ebBhB-EiwALVC-Nrjedl4HbijShYrV3MR7h81qj-UgMQO2wY617NetB8SRDOqoxy_DGhoCc64QAvD_BwE (NOTE: THIS IS NOT SPON CON. BUT THERE IS TIME, BONNE MAMAN, IF YOU WANT TO GET IN TOUCH)

Which Pokémon is the official Pokémon of seltzer? Josh Fjelstad, co-host of the podcast "EXP. Share," joins us to try a hemp club soda... just in time for 4/20. Today’s matchup: Q Spectacular Club Soda vs. Endo Water Sparkling Hemp Club Soda.

It’s a battle of grapefruit seltzers! Podcast producer Mike Katzif joins us for today’s matchup: Waterloo vs. Alta Palla.* *Mike’s original plug was edited out of the show because this episode was recorded in 2019 and he was plugging the concept of attending live concerts. But he suggests, “In the meantime, maybe watching musicians performing awkwardly and wholesomely in their own homes on IG Live and such.”

We're back, just in time for that Independence Day cookout you definitely shouldn't be going to because social distancing is still a thing. Hot dog aficionado Sam Lee joins us to taste two more trendy hemp seltzers. Today's matchup: Sweet Reason strawberry lavender vs. Dram gingergrass. Black lives matter; this seltzer podcast does not... so enjoy this little break and then get back to being actively anti-racist.

Get out of the way, Aesthetics, Bub and Flava… there’s a new rubric in town. Food and beverage writer Meredith Heil joins us, and the brunch ambience outside the shipping container is VERY LOUD. Today’s matchup: Ever and Ever vs. Market Basket.

For $125,000: Does Meredith Vieira like seltzer? A: Yes B: No C: She's more of a Spindrift fan D: Richard Nixon It's booze vs. hemp black cherry seltzers. Today's matchup: White Claw vs. Weller.

We begin with an actual news update from our carbonation correspondent about the coronavirus pandemic’s impact on the seltzer industry. Then, another new episode from 2019: Writer/editor/strategist Abbey Kos joins us to make a confession. Today’s matchup: An artisanal local Brooklyn seltzer vs. FOUND unflavored. Today’s episode uses the song “She Thinks Herself Immortal” by Jim Rooster, CC Attribution license.

Club soda vs. mineral water? The world's gone to hell, so who cares! In late 2019, New York Times reporter Caitlin Dickerson joined us in a shipping container in the backyard of a Bushwick pizza restaurant to compare two things that make no sense to compare. Today's matchup: Sea to Sea club Soda vs. Lurisia mineral water.

Seltzer Death Match is back with new episodes recorded in the past. Wendy Zukerman of Gimlet's "Science Vs." brought us two Polish seltzers she found in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. Today's matchup: Naleczowianka vs. Cisowianka. Stay safe, everybody.

Peter Bresnan is the producer of Gimlet's "The Habitat," about six fake astronauts trapped in a fake Mars habitat for a year. What happens when he's trapped in a seltzer podcast for an hour, edited down to 13 minutes? Today's matchup: Polar Club Soda Lemon Twist vs. Polar Seltzer "Yeti Mischief."

Does Michael Barbaro like seltzer? Our guest judge Theo Balcomb has the answer. Theo produces The New York Times news podcast, "The Daily," and she has some HOT GOSS about seltzer culture at The Gray Lady. Today's matchup: Mountain Valley vs. Field Day.

Joy. Sadness. Anger. Fear. Disgust. These are the five human emotions, as depicted by Pixar's "Inside Out." Which do you experience upon drinking seltzer? We explore this question with Tim Manley, storyteller and writer/star of the web series "The Feels." Today's matchup: Four Point Zero Green Apple vs. Four Point Zero Mango Cilantro.

Host Julia Melfi welcomes the judges of Seltzer Death Match, Rachel Ward and Travis Larchuk, to choose which is the most good club soda in the U-S-A. This episode uses the song “Bubble Butterflies,” by Bottlesmoker, CC Attribution-NonCommercial license.

Does Chelsea Clinton like seltzer? We know she was once in the vicinity of Hint Fizz, thanks to today's guest judge, Rebecca Soffer. She's the co-founder of "Modern Loss," a web site and book with essays about the grieving process. Today's battle: Topo Chico from Mexico vs. Selters from Germany.

The VP of Boylan Bottling Co. joins us to defend his company’s products in the wake of Boylan’s losses at the hands of regional favoritism and a non-seltzer mixed with soy sauce. In this extra-long special episode, we’ll learn everything we didn’t know we wanted to know about the bub biz. Then, it’s a Boylan Battle Royale: We’ll taste all four Boylan seltzer flavors, but only one can win. Today’s episode uses the song “Think,” by Lee Rosevere, CC Attribution-NonCommercial license.

Does Bob Costas like seltzer? Our special guest judge, NPR's Kat Chow, might know the answer. She discusses her stint as a producer at the Vancouver Winter Olympics. Then she surprises us with an unprecedented challenge: mixing seltzer with SOY SAUCE. Today's matchup: Boylan's Lemon Seltzer vs. San Pellegrino Lemon (which we know is not technically seltzer, don't @ us).