Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

How often should couples have sex? I’m going to tell you the truth: If you’re counting, something deeper is already asking for your attention. When your partner starts feeling more like a roommate, it’s easy to panic. To compare. To wonder whether your relationship is broken. But the “right number” isn’t the answer. If you’re lying next to the person you love wondering, “What happened to us?”... this episode is for you. In this conversation, I’m joined by Growing Self clinician and certified sex therapist Dori Bagi to uncover the hidden reasons desire fades, and what can actually bring it back. Listen to learn: Why sexual frequency is often a distracting symptom How spontaneous and responsive desire work differently The hidden expectations quietly creating pressure and resentment How hormones, body image, and emotional disconnection affect desire Whether attraction can return after it feels completely gone You may not have a libido problem. You may have an understanding problem. And once you can finally see what’s happening, you can start changing it. Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self P.S. If this is touching something tender in your relationship, you don’t have to figure it out alone. You can connect directly with Dori for compassionate, expert support at growingself.com/dori.  Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Shopify —  Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free at shopify.com/lhs Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at ⁠quince.com/lhs⁠

Have you ever overextended yourself to the point where you collapsed? Gave and gave and gave until your well was dry.. The problem isn't that you can't handle hard things. It's that you haven't learned how to find your sustainable pace. If you're trying to figure out how to lead a productive and full life without becoming exhausted and depleted in the process, this episode is for you. In this conversation, I'm joined by award-winning science writer Elizabeth Svoboda, author of The Art of Pacing. Together, we unpack the hidden pattern behind that all-or-nothing cycle and why the answer isn't pushing harder or checking out completely. You'll learn how to work with your energy instead of constantly fighting against it, including a simple breathing technique that can calm your nervous system in just a few minutes. Listen to learn: Why high achievers keep swinging between overdoing it and shutting down How to calm your nervous system with a simple, science-backed strategy you can do immediately Hacks that make your to do list feel easier (and energizing) The one question that helps you make better decisions about what to say yes to How to get clarity about YOUR sustainable pace (not someone else’s) How to get your energy back after a “burnout breakdown” and avoid going there again. It’s time to stop chasing someone else's pace and start trusting your own. This episode will give you direction about how to do that. Lastly, take 10 seconds to think about who in your life is barely holding it all together and needs to hear this message today. Forward it to them.  And there it is: You just made a difference. (We're on this mission, together.) Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Shopify —  Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free at shopify.com/lhs Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at ⁠quince.com/lhs⁠

You might not be falling out of love. You might just be exhausted. When you can’t sleep, everything gets louder. The resentment. The anxiety. The dishwasher fight that suddenly feels like proof your entire relationship is broken. I’ve seen this happen again and again: people blame their partner, their marriage, or themselves—when the real saboteur is sleep deprivation. In this episode, I’m talking with marriage and family therapist and sleep expert Chrissy Lawler about what exhaustion is really doing to your mood, your parenting, and the people you love most. Listen to learn: Why exhaustion makes every conflict feel more serious How poor sleep quietly drains connection and intimacy The counterintuitive reason to get out of bed when you can’t sleep How caffeine, alcohol, and nighttime habits sabotage your rest Why sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is go to bed angry Simple, evidence-based ways to start sleeping better tonight Before you decide your relationship is broken, check your sleep. A full night of rest might change the entire conversation. Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Shopify —  Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free at shopify.com/lhs Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at ⁠quince.com/lhs⁠.

Are you chronically late, stressed, and frazzled? Feel like you never have enough time to do what you really want and need to do? Here’s the reality: Until you can manage your time, you’ll always feel out of control. Poor  time management isn’t just making you late. It’s quietly stealing your life. If you feel buried, behind, overcommitted, and weirdly guilty all the time, this episode is going to hit hard. Because the problem may not be that you’re lazy, scattered, or “bad at time management.” The real problem is that you’re saying yes to everything and accidentally saying no to the life you actually want. I’m sitting down with Samantha Lane, TEDx speaker and founder of Origami Day, to talk about the simple time management shift that can help you stop living on autopilot. Here’s the uncomfortable (but also liberating and life-changing) truth: You don’t have a time problem. You have a choosing problem. Listen to learn: Why poor time management is really a life-management problem The brutal truth about your 168 hours each week How every “yes” secretly becomes a “no” Why your to-do list will never actually be done The simple weekly planning ritual that can calm the chaos If you’ve been trying to become more disciplined, more productive, more organized, and somehow still feel like you’re failing, this conversation will help you stop blaming yourself and start choosing your life on purpose. You’re not behind.You’re just ready to choose differently. Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Shopify —  Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free at shopify.com/lhs Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at ⁠quince.com/lhs⁠

Wired and tired? I’ve been there too, and I know first hand… this is not sustainable. Help is here. If you’re searching for nervous system regulation strategies because your body feels like it’s waving a white flag — the insomnia, the tension, the stomach issues, the collapse at night — this episode is a must listen.  Join me for this conversation with somatic expert Liz Tenuto, known as The Workout Witch, about why chronic stress gets stored in the body, why your doctor can say “everything looks normal” when you feel anything but, and how somatic healing can help you come back to yourself. You'll learn: Why your body won’t switch off at night How functional freeze makes you look fine while you’re shutting down The body signs of stored stress: jaw, shoulders, gut, sleep, pain Why somatic healing can help when thinking harder doesn’t A one-minute reset you can try right now If your body has been begging you to listen, this episode is where we start. Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Shopify —  Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free at shopify.com/lhs Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at ⁠quince.com/lhs⁠

You’re the tiger pacing the cage… but the door has been open the whole time. If you want to know how to gain confidence for real — not perform it, fake it, or force it — this conversation will show you where to start. Because the truth is, you can look wildly successful and still feel trapped inside your own head. You walk into the meeting.You know what you’re talking about.You’ve done the work. And then your body betrays you. Your heart starts pounding. Your mind goes blank. You over-explain. You spiral. You replay the whole thing at 2 a.m. like it was a crime scene. That is not confidence. That is survival mode in a blazer. In this episode, I’m talking with Sara Anderson about why confidence doesn’t magically appear when you achieve enough — and why the higher you climb, the louder your self-doubt can get if you don’t address it from the inside out.  Because here’s the part nobody tells high achievers: You cannot think your way into confidence while your body is screaming danger. Real confidence is built from the inside out. Why achievement can make your self-doubt worse, not better Why your mind goes blank when the stakes are high How your body betrays your confidence before you say a word Why affirmations don’t work when your nervous system is in panic mode How to stop freezing, spiraling, and over-explaining under pressure The 10-second grounding tool that helps bring your brain back online How to stop performing confidence and finally start trusting yourself Why the cage door is already open — and how to walk through it If you’re tired of pacing the same old cage, this episode is your open door. Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month's sponsors: Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at ⁠quince.com/lhs⁠.

Feeling down when, at least on the surface, nothing is horrible? It’s easy to blame yourself, and think “what’s wrong with me that I can’t just be happy?”  Here’s a new idea. Maybe that feeling is not wrong at all.  Maybe it’s a signal from your emotional guidance system that it’s time to evolve.  The boredom. The restlessness. The exhaustion. The quiet little voice whispering, “I cannot keep doing this.” You can numb it.You can explain it away.You can call it anxiety, burnout, depression, hormones, laziness, or “just a rough patch.” But what if it’s none of that? What if the real problem is that your life doesn’t fit anymore?  In this episode, I’m talking about how to change your life when you feel stuck, especially when nothing is technically “wrong,” but everything inside you is screaming. Because that feeling you keep trying to get rid of? It may be the most important message you’ve gotten in years. Today, I’m going to help you stop ignoring it, stop shaming yourself for it, and start reading it for what it is: your emotional guidance system telling you it’s time for a new chapter. You'll learn: Why feeling miserable doesn’t always mean something has gone wrong How to tell the difference between a bad mood and a life that no longer fits Why boredom, dread, and restlessness can be signs of personal growth The journaling questions that reveal what you actually want Why insight alone won’t change your life How to find the clarity, courage, and allies you need to move forward You don’t have to blow up your life today. But you do need to stop betraying yourself by pretending you don’t hear the alarm. Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts.

There is a silent mind game stealing your peace — and you’ve been trained to play it every day.  If you can’t stop comparing yourself to others, this episode may hit a nerve. That sick little feeling of “Why am I not enough?” It isn’t something another promotion, relationship, body, bank account, or achievement is going to fix. I’m sitting down with Harvard psychologist Dr. Ron Siegel to reveal the brutal truth: your brain is wired to rank you. And the comparison game is designed so you never actually win. This conversation will help you understand why success never satisfies for long, why self-esteem can become a trap, and how radical self-acceptance can finally get you off the emotional rollercoaster. You’ll learn: Why comparing yourself to others feels impossible to stop The ancient brain wiring behind “not good enough” Why every achievement high wears off so fast How social media and culture weaponize comparison Why “just build your self-esteem” can backfire The shift from impressing people to actually connecting How to begin feeling free without becoming someone else This is for anyone who’s tired of measuring their worth against everyone else’s highlight reel. You don’t have to win the comparison game to feel okay. You can step out of it — and come back to yourself. Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast Upwork — When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. OSEA — Amazing, clean, science-backed skincare made with the power of the sea. Use code LHS at oseamalibu.com for 10% off your first order. LNutra Prolon — A science-backed, plant-based nutrition program that supports fat loss, metabolism, cellular rejuvenation, and overall longevity. Head to ProlonLife.com/LHS for 15% off your first order + a bonus gift.

If you’ve ever said “I’m fine,” watched your partner believe you, and then felt even more hurt than before, this episode is for you. Because that tiny moment, the one where you want them to know you’re not okay without having to spell it out, is where so many couples quietly lose each other. In this episode, I’m talking with therapist and workplace wellbeing expert Nidhi Tewari about attunement, the relationship skill that helps people feel seen, understood, and emotionally safe. We’ll unpack why loving partners still miss each other’s cues, why fixing, reassuring, or changing the subject can accidentally make someone feel more alone, and how to become an “explorer,” someone who asks instead of assumes. You’ll learn how to emotionally connect with your partner in a way that actually lands: how to calm yourself before a hard conversation, what to say when your partner is hurting, how to ask for what you need out loud, and how to share what hurts without starting a fight. In this episode: 04:00: The skill that can quietly make every relationship better 09:44: Why emotional connection is something you can learn 21:55: Why you can’t connect until you calm yourself first 32:12: Fixer, Avoider, Connector, or Explorer: which one are you? 38:24: What to say so your partner finally feels seen 46:36: Why “I’m fine” backfires, and how to ask for what you need 52:45: How to tell your partner what hurts without starting a fight If you’ve been stuck in that lonely loop of hoping your partner will just know, then feeling disappointed when they don’t, this episode will help you do something different. The first skill that brings couples back together is one you can start practicing tonight. Press play, and let’s begin. Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast Upwork — When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. OSEA — Amazing, clean, science-backed skincare made with the power of the sea. Use code LHS at oseamalibu.com for 10% off your first order. LNutra Prolon — A science-backed, plant-based nutrition program that supports fat loss, metabolism, cellular rejuvenation, and overall longevity. Head to ProlonLife.com/LHS for 15% off your first order + a bonus gift.

By the time an adult child finally says “I’m done,” they have usually been deciding it for about three years. The parent almost never sees it coming. The child was never once surprised. On the other side, the pain and anger that comes when someone you love with all your heart and soul refuses to talk to you? It's as crushing as it is confusing. This episode is for anyone who has ever sat in the car outside a parent’s house, bracing themselves before they walk in. And it is just as much for the parent staring at a phone that has gone quiet, replaying what they could have done differently. If your relationship with your parent, or with your grown kid, has started to feel like a careful performance instead of a real connection, you are not imagining it, and you are not stuck with it. If it feels like bridges have been burned, there is a way back. In this episode you'll learn about the small, respectful shifts that re-open lines of communication, rebuild trust, and develop an enduring v.2 for your relationship. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Blindsided: Why Adult Children Pull Away 11:11 No One's to Blame, Everyone's Responsible 16:47 Why Adult Children Stop Being Honest With You 21:04 "Am I in Trouble?": When the Past Hijacks the Present 22:47 Raising From the Inside Out: The Foundation You Set Now 33:50 The Letter, the Agenda, and the Boundary 42:30 Grieving the Expectations You Handed Them 48:42 The PARENT Method, and the One Thing Bigger Than the Issues Resources: Full episode show notes and everything mentioned Book a free consultation with a therapist who specializes in this If this conversation stirred something up, that is worth paying attention to. You do not need to be in crisis to talk to someone. Come find us at GrowingSelf.com and schedule a free consultation. We will help you figure out what is actually going on between you and your parent, or you and your grown child, and what to try next. No pressure, no commitment, just a real conversation. XO, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Upwork — When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. OSEA — Amazing, clean, science-backed skincare made with the power of the sea. Use code LHS at oseamalibu.com for 10% off your first order. LNutra Prolon — A science-backed, plant-based nutrition program that supports fat loss, metabolism, cellular rejuvenation, and overall longevity. Head to ProlonLife.com/LHS for 15% off your first order + a bonus gift.

Have you ever felt like you are carrying something heavy that you cannot quite explain, something that does not even feel like it started with you? A few years ago I traced my own anxious drive back to grandparents I never met, people who were, in a real sense, being chased by wolves. It turns out a lot of what we call “my issues” was handed to us. And that makes it far more workable than it feels. In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Thomas Hübl, the teacher and trauma-integration facilitator who co-wrote the new book Releasing Our Burdens with Dr. Richard Schwartz, the creator of Internal Family Systems. Thomas studies healing as one continuum that runs from the individual to the ancestral to the collective, and he joined me to explain why the thing you keep trying to fix about yourself may not have started with you, and what becomes possible when you stop fighting it and start to thaw it. In This Episode Why the thing you keep trying to fix about yourself may not have started with you, and what that changes The freezer metaphor that explains what trauma quietly costs you every single day Why Thomas calls trauma “a loan from the future,” and how the bill comes due What is really happening when your partner says one thing and your whole body locks up How intergenerational trauma gets passed down, in your nervous system and even in your cells The difference between the resilience you inherited and the burden you inherited Why a whole country can feel stuck and reactive, and what that has to do with your own healing A different definition of healing: not fixing what is broken, but releasing what is frozen This episode is for anyone who has ever looked at their own anxiety, or their drivenness, or that low hum of feeling empty for no reason they can name, and thought, where is this even coming from? If you have done the personal work and still feel like there is a layer underneath you cannot reach, this conversation opens a door. Some of what you carry is not a personal failing. It is inherited. And it can be set down. Episode Breakdown 00:00 Trauma That Didn't Start With You 10:42 Why You're Driven by People You Never Met 13:24 When a Whole Country Can't Calm Down 18:52 The Tension She Carried for Decades 31:41 Trauma Is a Loan From the Future 35:21 Who Pays the Electricity Bill? 39:30 Your Partner Doesn't Have the Remote Control for Your Heart 53:31 Cleaning Up the Living Room We Were Born Into Resources Full episode page (everything in one place, including Thomas’s books and where to find him) Free “What’s Holding You Back?” Quiz Personal growth coaching and therapy at Growing Self Talk to someone (free consultation) If you take one thing from today, let it be this: some of what you are carrying did not start with you, and it can be released. If something in here landed, the What’s Holding You Back quiz is a quick, free place to begin, and if you want to talk it through with a real person, a free consultation with one of our coaches or therapists is just a conversation, no pressure. We work with people across a whole range of experience levels and price points, including newer coaches in our practicum, so there is usually a fit for almost any budget. Come find all of it at GrowingSelf.com. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Upwork — When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. OSEA — Amazing, clean, science-backed skincare made with the power of the sea. Use code LHS at oseamalibu.com for 10% off your first order. LNutra Prolon — A science-backed, plant-based nutrition program that supports fat loss, metabolism, cellular rejuvenation, and overall longevity. Head to ProlonLife.com/LHS for 15% off your first order + a bonus gift.

Here's something I keep seeing in my office that almost nobody has language for. Your body and your nervous system run on completely different timelines. Your labs can be clear. Your divorce can be final. Your treatment can be done. And your nervous system can still be living inside the chapter you just survived, because nothing about getting through a hard thing actually tells your body it is safe to stop bracing. In this episode, I sit down with Amy Kurtz, the patient advocate who spent close to two decades trying to figure out why her body kept shutting down on her. Amy is a Hachette author whose new book But You Look Fine launches the day after this episode airs, and she coined a phrase for the exact experience I just described. She calls it Medical Trauma Brain. Her message has been endorsed by Mark Hyman, her own physician, and by David Perlmutter, Kris Carr, and Sharon Salzberg. After 36 doctors and a late-stage neurological Lyme diagnosis at 35, she didn't just heal physically. She figured out the part nobody warned her about. The part that comes after. In This Episode The exact phrase Amy's husband said in their kitchen that finally named what she could not name herself Why the gap between "you should be fine now" and "I do not feel fine" is not a personal failing Why this pattern is not just for chronic illness, it shows up after divorce, postpartum, fertility, caregiving, and any long hard chapter The five non-negotiables Amy now uses to decide whether a doctor is worth her time Why women carry this harder than men, both clinically and culturally What active movement actually does for an overstimulated nervous system (it is more than you think) The one tool Amy would give a woman tonight who is recognizing herself for the first time How to stay connected to the people you love when you are the person who is not okay This episode is for anyone who has technically gotten through something hard and quietly cannot understand why she still does not feel like herself. The illness that finally has a diagnosis. The divorce that is actually final. The postpartum body that healed on paper. The job she finally left. The caregiver who buried the person she was caring for and woke up the next morning still bracing. If you have been told you should be fine by now, and you are not, this conversation is going to give you language for what is actually happening in your body and a way forward that respects the timeline. Episode Breakdown: 00:02:04 The Gap Between Sick and Well Nobody Warned You About 00:05:10 36 Doctors and One Diagnosis: Amy's Story 00:13:25 What Is Medical Trauma Brain? 00:14:54 Why Your Body Still Doesn't Feel Safe (Even Though You're Fine) 00:21:05 How to Advocate for Yourself in a System That Won't 00:45:03 How to Regulate Your Nervous System After Trauma or Illness 00:51:01 The Wider Lens: Why This Isn't Just About Illness 00:56:00 The One Tool I'd Give a Woman Tonight Resources: Read the full article on this conversation, including everything we mentioned and where to find Amy's work Wondering what is keeping you stuck? Take our free What's Holding You Back quiz Ready to talk to someone about what you are carrying? Book a free consultation If a friend has been telling you she is fine and you can tell she is not, send her this episode. She will be glad you did. XO, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Upwork — When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. OSEA — Amazing, clean, science-backed skincare made with the power of the sea. Use code LHS at oseamalibu.com for 10% off your first order. LNutra Prolon — A science-backed, plant-based nutrition program that supports fat loss, metabolism, cellular rejuvenation, and overall longevity. Head to ProlonLife.com/LHS for 15% off your first order + a bonus gift.

You have ten options on the table. Three of them are interesting. One of them might be the right one. And you have been staring at this list for eight months without choosing anything. Here is something I did not expect to learn after fifteen years of doing career coaching with people in exactly this place: it is almost never the options that are the problem. It is what you are doing while you wait for one of them to feel obviously right. In this episode, I sit down with Megan Rankin, a certified career counselor on my team at Growing Self who holds a master’s degree in career development and a clinical therapy background. Megan spends her days with smart, capable people who are objectively successful and quietly miserable, and she joined me to talk about why the work of finding your passion almost always starts by looking backward, not forward. We get into the specific reason a 29-year-old can wake up one morning and not recognize the career they built, the question Megan asks every new client before she lets them touch their resume, and the threshold a person actually has to cross before a career change is the right move instead of a reaction to burnout. In this episode The exact question Megan asks in the first session that surfaces every career pattern a client is going to bring with them Why looking forward at your future is the wrong place to start, and the past-tense exercise that gives people clarity faster than any aptitude test How to tell the difference between a career that is genuinely wrong for you and a career you are unhappy in because of burnout, and why the answer changes everything The 10-year vision exercise Megan walks her clients through, and the specific details to include (where you live, who you live with, what is in your fridge) that make it actually useful Why people in the 28 to 32 age range hit this wall so consistently, and what is structurally happening in a life that creates it The hidden interview skill that comes from doing the inner work first, and why employers respond to it before you finish the sentence What to do when you have 10 options and cannot pick any of them, and the question that collapses the list down to two This episode is for anyone who has built a career that looks good on paper and feels wrong on a Monday morning. The kind of person who has been told they should be grateful, who has worked hard to get where they are, and who is starting to wonder out loud, for the first time, whether the path they have been walking is actually theirs. If you have ten options and cannot pick one, if you have one option and dread it, or if you are in the in-between where nothing is bad enough to leave and nothing is good enough to stay for, this conversation is for you. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Getting Unstuck When You Have Too Many Options 05:12 Career Crossroads: How to Navigate Paralysis and Indecision 11:08 Life Design vs. Job Search: Shifting How We Think About Career 18:39 Finding Your Passion by Reflecting on the Past 27:26 The “Quarter-Life” Crossroads: Making Sense of How You Got Here 30:12 Burnout or Misalignment? How to Tell the Difference 34:45 The 10-Year Vision Exercise That Brings Long-Term Clarity 36:44 Why Big Career Decisions Shouldn’t Happen During Burnout Resources Companion article on the blog (full resource list, references, and related episodes) Free What’s Holding You Back quiz — the 20-question self-assessment that helps you see what is actually keeping you stuck Career Coaching Services at Growing Self — work one-on-one with a career coach on my team Schedule a free consultation⁠ If something in this conversation landed somewhere specific, that is the signal to talk to someone. The career coaches on my team at Growing Self spend their days with people exactly where you are, and the first conversation is free. Not a sales pitch, just a real conversation about what is actually going on and whether the work we do here is the right fit for you. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Upwork — When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. OSEA — Amazing, clean, science-backed skincare made with the power of the sea. Use code LHS at oseamalibu.com for 10% off your first order. LNutra Prolon — A science-backed, plant-based nutrition program that supports fat loss, metabolism, cellular rejuvenation, and overall longevity. Head to ProlonLife.com/LHS for 15% off your first order + a bonus gift.

By the end of the gratitude journal, the breath work, the affirmation in the mirror, you felt worse, not better. You're not failing at positivity. You're using tools that were never designed to do what you're asking them to do. In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Deepika Chopra, the clinical health psychologist known as The Optimism Doctor and the author of the new book The Power of Real Optimism. Deepika has spent over a decade studying why optimism is a skill, not a personality trait, and her work has appeared everywhere from the TODAY Show to Forbes to Vogue. She joined me to explain why forced positivity actually makes anxiety worse, and what real, durable optimism looks like when you stop performing it and start practicing it. In this conversation, you'll learn: Why an optimist isn't someone who feels good all the time, and what they're actually doing differently in their head The exact reason 'I am confident' affirmations can deepen self-doubt, and how to phrase them so your brain stops detecting them as a lie The specific moment Deepika's optimism work was tested in the hardest way it could be, and what shifted for her in the middle of it Why scheduling worry time actually reduces anxiety instead of feeding it The ta-da list (yes, ta-da) and why it rewires what your brain pays attention to at the end of the day The one mental shift that moves you from rumination to agency when nothing about your circumstances has changed What modeling real optimism for the people who love you actually looks like, especially if those people are your kids This episode is for anyone who has tried to think their way into feeling better and quietly felt like a fraud doing it. If you've ever closed a self-help book and felt worse, if you've ever heard someone say 'good vibes only' and wanted to throw something, if you're currently navigating something genuinely hard and tired of being told to look on the bright side, this conversation will give you something more honest, and more useful, than any of that. Episode Breakdown 00:00 The Permission You Didn't Know You Needed 04:38 How Dr. Deepika Became the Optimism Doctor 18:20 What Real Optimism Actually Is (And What It Isn't) 23:55 Why Most Approaches to Positivity Backfire 27:25 The Brain Is an Anticipatory Organ 31:15 How to Find Agency When Everything Feels Out of Control 46:35 The Ta-Da List and Why It Works 48:55 Scheduled Worry Time (Yes, Really) 51:30 Modeling Optimism for the People Watching You 54:00 What Real Resilience Actually Builds Resources Full episode article and resources Free What's Holding You Back? quiz Life coaching with our team Personal growth coaching If something in this conversation landed for you, share it with one person. You probably already have someone in mind, the friend who's been white-knuckling their way through something hard. Send it to them. And follow the show wherever you listen so you don't miss what's coming next. XO, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast Upwork — When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. OSEA — Amazing, clean, science-backed skincare made with the power of the sea. Use code LHS at oseamalibu.com for 10% off your first order. LNutra Prolon — A science-backed, plant-based nutrition program that supports fat loss, metabolism, cellular rejuvenation, and overall longevity. Head to ProlonLife.com/LHS for 15% off your first order + a bonus gift.

A year. Two years. Five years. Ten years. Still stuck on the same person. If that is you, this episode is not going to tell you to give it more time. In this episode, I sit down with my colleague Jesse Stanley, a licensed marriage and family therapist and board-certified coach who co-facilitates our Heartbreak Recovery Intensive with me here at Growing Self. Between us, we have watched a lot of people walk in still tangled up in a relationship that ended months or years ago, and walk out free of it. Jesse joined me to talk about what we have seen actually work, including the one reframe that unlocks years of stuckness for almost every person we meet. In this episode: The factory accident sign that explains why you have been resetting your healing clock for years without realizing it Why a breakup mimics the symptoms of PTSD, and what is actually happening in your nervous system The exact reason your thinking brain and your attachment brain disagree about whether to text your ex back Why heartbreak recovery groups move people faster than years of one-on-one therapy The closure myth that keeps people waiting for an apology from someone unable to give it The airplane metaphor that finally lets you accept the good parts of a relationship that had to end Why most therapists are not trained in heartbreak recovery, and what to look for instead The reclaim-the-song, reclaim-the-room experiment that does more than years of talking about feelings Why this matters This episode is for anyone who has been stuck on a past relationship long enough to be embarrassed about it. The person you cannot stop checking in on. The relationship that ended a long time ago but somehow still has a vote in your life. The voice in your head that keeps telling you that you should be over this by now. We see you, and we have seen this. There is a way through, even if it has been years. Episode Breakdown 00:00 Stuck on Your Ex for Years? It's Not a Life Sentence 05:45 Why You Can't Stop Resetting the Recovery Clock 09:30 Why a Breakup Feels Like Physical Withdrawal 12:30 The Difference Between Thinking Brain and Attachment Brain 14:30 Why Groups Move You Faster Than One-on-One Therapy 22:50 Closure Is Something You Give Yourself 26:30 Taking Your Power Back After a Breakup 30:00 Why Therapy Alone May Keep You Stuck 34:00 How to Actually Start Healing From a Broken Heart 47:30 This Won't Always Feel Like This Resources Full episode article and show notes How Over Your Ex Are You? Quiz Heartbreak Recovery program at Growing Self Online breakup support group Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to an Ex Love by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Schedule a free first conversation If you are listening to this and recognizing yourself, the years-stuck part, the closure-waiting part, the cannot-stop-checking part, that recognition is the signal. Send me an email at [email protected], or come find me at GrowingSelf.com. We do free first conversations. No pressure, no commitment. Just a real conversation about what is actually going on for you, and whether the kind of work we do here might help. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby P.S. If you want to know exactly where you are in the process before you talk to anyone, the How Over Your Ex Are You? quiz at growingself.com/breakup-quiz-how-over-your-ex-are-you takes about two minutes and tells you the truth. Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast Upwork — When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. OSEA — Amazing, clean, science-backed skincare made with the power of the sea. Use code LHS at oseamalibu.com for 10% off your first order. Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at quince.com/lhs. LNutra Prolon — A science-backed, plant-based nutrition program that supports fat loss, metabolism, cellular rejuvenation, and overall longevity. Head to ProlonLife.com/LHS for 15% off your first order + a bonus gift.

Have you ever felt like every tab in your brain is open, and not one of them will close? That was Sam Yo at 23, the year before he walked away from a successful London stage career to spend years in a Thai Buddhist monastery. In this episode, I sit down with him for the conversation I needed when my own brain wouldn't stop running. Sam is now a Peloton instructor and the author of The Monk's Mindset (Blackstone, May 19, 2026). His arc, from London stage to Thai monastery to a global Peloton audience, was just featured in PEOPLE Magazine. He left a roller coaster of stage, sports car, and success because the noise inside had grown louder than the noise outside. What he learned in the silence is what he teaches his Peloton students and the readers of his new book: you don't need to escape your life to find stillness. You learn to carry it. We talk about why your overthinking isn't actually a thinking problem, what your nervous system is doing at two in the morning when you can't let a conversation go, and the small named practices that interrupt the spiral. Sam walks us through a 90-second breath exercise live on the recording, the three daily anchors he uses to keep himself tethered, and the three filters his teacher gave him to run before you react to anything. In This Episode Why your overthinking isn't a thinking problem (and what it actually is) The 4-2-6 breath that interrupts a 2 a.m. spiral in 90 seconds, walked through live on the episode The three daily anchors that quiet a restless mind: intention, reset, reflection The walking practice Sam's teacher gave him when he couldn't sit still and meditate How emptying your cup changes the way you listen in every relationship you have The three filters to run before you react: is it true, is it kind, is it necessary Why a Peloton ride teaches the same thing a Thai monastery taught Sam The teacher's lesson about a cut foot that reframes every setback as redirection This episode is for anyone who has lain awake at two in the morning replaying a conversation from earlier that day, wondering why their brain won't let it go. It is for the person who has downloaded three meditation apps and quit each one because the silence felt like one more thing to be good at. Sam's tools don't ask you to retreat from your life. They ask you to find the stillness that's already in it, in five breaths before you check your phone, in the warmth of a mug between your hands, in the sound of a broom on a kitchen floor. Episode Breakdown 00:00 Why Your Mind Won't Stop, A Former Monk's Take on Overthinking 03:15 The Disconnect Behind a Life That Looks Good 15:43 Three Daily Anchors That Quiet a Restless Mind 18:22 Empty Your Cup, The Monk's Way of Listening 25:45 The Ripple Jar, Why Small Acts of Kindness Compound 32:23 Is Overthinking Just Anxiety in Disguise? 39:59 How to Calm a Racing Mind in 90 Seconds (The 4-2-6 Breath) 42:03 How to Be Present Without Hours of Meditation 49:40 Take a Different Path, Three Questions Before You React Resources Read the full article Free Self-Esteem Test, because so much of the loop starts with the story you tell about yourself Life Coaching at Growing Self, our most-requested service for people who want a real human in their corner Free consultation, talk to a coach or therapist on our team, no commitment If something in this episode landed for you, send it to the person you were thinking about while you listened. You probably already know who it is. And if you're ready for the deeper version of this work, a real person in your corner who does this with people every day, come find us at growingself.com. XO, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast Upwork — When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. OSEA — Amazing, clean, science-backed skincare made with the power of the sea. Use code LHS at oseamalibu.com for 10% off your first order. Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at quince.com/lhs. LNutra Prolon — A science-backed, plant-based nutrition program that supports fat loss, metabolism, cellular rejuvenation, and overall longevity. Head to ProlonLife.com/LHS for 15% off your first order + a bonus gift.

Have you ever lost a whole afternoon to a conversation that ended three days ago? Picking it apart, wondering what the other person actually meant, mentally rehearsing what you should have said. There is a name for what your brain is doing. ⁠It is called rumination, and according to research from Yale, it is the single most damaging mental habit science can measure⁠. In this episode, I sit down with Donna Jackson Nakazawa, the science journalist who has spent decades translating cutting-edge neuroscience into language regular humans can actually use. Her new book Mind Drama (out this week) is the most useful explanation I have read of what is actually happening in your brain when you cannot stop replaying a conversation, and what the science says you can do about it. Donna and I get into the survival biology behind your overthinking, the unexpected link between early relationships and adult thought patterns, and her real-time interruption tool. She walks me through it live, with my own ruminative mind as the example. It got pretty real. In This Episode The four-step framework Donna walked me through live, in real time, while I was actually overthinking something (it interrupts a spiral in under a minute) Why your brain creates these loops in the first place, and the evolutionary reason it cannot just stop on command The hidden link between your earliest relationships and the thought patterns you carry into adulthood The word for what you have been calling overthinking, and why nearly a third of adults have never heard it How rumination shows up at work, and the moment I realized I was doing it about my own business while we were recording The Yale research that names rumination as the biggest single predictor of depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and even cognitive decline What science says does not work for overthinking (and why willpower keeps failing you) The reframe that changes everything: your rumination is a signal fire from your past, not a character flaw Why This Matters This episode is for anyone who has ever lost a whole day to a conversation that already happened. The smart, accomplished, self-aware woman who has read every book about mindset and still finds herself staring at the ceiling at 2 AM. The friend who knows logically that the email did not mean what she thinks it means, and who is on her seventh draft of a reply anyway. If you have ever caught yourself in a loop and thought, what is wrong with me, this conversation will start to answer that question. Spoiler: nothing is wrong with you. Episode Breakdown 00:00 The Mental Spiral You Can't Stop 03:51 What Rumination Actually Is 06:06 Is Overthinking a Symptom of Anxiety? 08:35 Why Your Brain Won't Let It Go: A Survival Response Gone Rogue 12:01 Inside the Default Mode Network 18:39 How Overthinking Shows Up at Work and in Your Relationships 22:22 The MIST Framework: How to Stop Overthinking in Real Time 38:53 The Old Story Underneath the Spiral 45:57 Reclaiming the Voice Your Rumination Has Been Hiding 55:42 When You Need a Real Person, Not Just a Strategy Resources Take the ⁠What's Holding You Back? Quiz⁠ ⁠Schedule a free consultation⁠ with a coach or therapist on the Growing Self team. Here is what I want you to take away from this conversation: your brain getting stuck in a loop is not a character flaw. It is a real neural pattern with real roots, and it is genuinely changeable. If this conversation made you realize you are ready to actually do something about this with a real person, my team at Growing Self does free first conversations. No commitment, no pressure. Just a real conversation with a coach or therapist who gets it. If this episode meant something to you, please share it with the friend you already have in mind. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby ⁠Growing Self ⁠ Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Upwork — Access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. OSEA — Amazing, clean, science-backed skincare made with the power of the sea. Use code LHS at oseamalibu.com for 10% off your first order. Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at ⁠quince.com/lhs⁠. LNutra Prolon — A science-backed, plant-based nutrition program that supports fat loss, metabolism, cellular rejuvenation, and overall longevity. Head to ⁠ProlonLife.com/LHS⁠ for 15% off your first order + a bonus gift.

It’s 5:47 PM. You’re trying to make dinner. Your four-year-old is melting down. You hand her the iPad, just for twenty minutes. She gets quiet. And then, because you’re a person who loves your kid, you feel like a bad parent. Hey. It happens. I’ve been there too. And the man I sat down with for this conversation has been there too, except in his case, he’s the one who invented the technology you just handed her. In this episode, I sit down with Rob LoCascio, the man who invented web chat in 1995 and built LivePerson into a public company powering customer conversations for Apple, American Express, and Citibank. After twenty-eight years inside the conversational AI industry, watching his own three kids try to grow up in the world he helped build, Rob had a reckoning. He started a new company building tech for kids that doesn’t exploit them, and he sat down with me to explain, with receipts, what is actually happening behind the screen your kid won’t put down. In This Episode The exact moment a tech founder realized he was losing his own kids to the screens he built, and why it changed everything for him Why senior YouTube executives quietly don’t let their own kids use YouTube, and what they know that you don’t The reframe that turns the daily iPad battle from a parenting failure into a systems problem What Jonathan Haidt’s research found when Apple introduced the front-facing camera, and why youth depression rates spiked globally at the same moment Why your kid asks for the iPad when she’s upset, and what is actually happening in her nervous system in that moment The 25-million-person creator economy your kid is being fed by, and why "just set limits" stopped working in 2020 What healthier tech for kids could actually look like, and what to ask before you hand any device to a four-year-old Why This Matters This episode is for anyone who has handed their kid a device just to get through dinner and then felt the wave of guilt that follows. For the parent who has yelled, then immediately regretted it, then negotiated, then given in. For the mom or dad whose kid melts down when the iPad gets put away, and who has started to wonder whether something deeper is going on. You are not crazy. You are not failing. You are up against an industry that is very, very good at what it does, and what it does is not in your kid’s interest. This episode names what you have been feeling, and gives you new language for what is actually happening. Episode Breakdown 01:42 The Screen Time Fight Every Parent Knows 05:00 The Inventor of Web Chat Pulls Back the Curtain 09:00 Devices Are Homework, Not a Babysitter 12:00 What’s Actually Inside the Videos Your Kids Are Watching 15:30 What Screens Do to a Developing Brain 19:11 "I Feel Like I’ve Lost": A Tech Founder’s Confession 22:45 Why YouTube Executives Won’t Let Their Kids Use YouTube 25:25 The 25-Million-Person Machine Behind Every Scroll 37:00 Why Early Exposure Hits a Developing Brain Harder 43:15 What Healthier Tech for Kids Could Actually Look Like Resources Read the full article and access every resource Rob mentions in this episode (including his work at KID Company) One-on-one parenting coaching and family therapy with our team Schedule a free consultation, no pressure, no commitment If you know another parent who has been crying in the bathroom over the iPad fight (and you probably have someone in mind right now), please share this episode with them. They will feel less alone, and that matters more than you know. XO, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self

“We talk all the time, but I still feel alone in my marriage.” If that sentence has ever crossed your mind on a Tuesday night, mid-load of dishes, with your partner three feet away, you are not imagining it. And you are not the only one. In this episode, I sit down with Debra Fileta, the licensed therapist who has spent more than twenty years in clinical practice helping couples figure out exactly this. Debra is the author of nine books and the host of the nationally syndicated podcast Talk To Me, and her newest book, People Skills, is built around an idea that I think is going to be a relief for a lot of you. Most relationship pain is not a love problem. It is a skill problem. And skills can be built. In This Episode The three levels of communication, and why almost every couple stalls at level two without realizing it Why “we talk all the time” is not the same thing as feeling close, even after twenty years of marriage The thirty-minute weekly ritual Debra and her husband John have used for fifteen years to keep their marriage from drifting Why being “nice” is not the same as having strong people skills, and the people-pleasing trap that masquerades as kindness How to tell the difference between a one-time conflict and a relationship pattern that is pointing at something deeper The volume-dial reframe for couples where one partner feels everything at a 7 and the other at a 3 The empathy practice that takes thirty seconds and changes the way you see almost everyone in your life Why “I keep attracting the wrong people” is the wrong question, and the better one Debra asks instead Why This Matters This episode is for anyone who has caught themselves thinking, something has shifted between us and I cannot put my finger on what. For the partner who feels like they are always the one initiating real conversation. For the couple who used to talk for hours and now mostly talks about logistics. For anyone who has wondered if needing more depth in their marriage is asking too much. It is not. And the way back is more learnable than you might think. Episode Breakdown 02:30 It is Not a Lack of Love, It is a Lack of Skill 06:30 Patterns vs. Pain Points (How to Tell If You Are the Common Denominator) 10:30 Why You Keep Attracting the Wrong People (And How to Change Your “Magnet”) 14:00 The Three Levels of Communication: Why Most Couples Never Get Past Level Two 17:30 Duck Floaty or Scuba Diver? The Sunday Night Check-In That Saved a Marriage 23:00 When One of You Feels Everything at a 7 and the Other at a 3 29:30 The Yalom Story: How to Actually Look Out Your Partner’s Window 33:00 Trauma Does Not Excuse Us, But It Does Explain Us Resources Free Communication Training (two-part video plus workbook) Work with a couples counselor or relationship coach on my team If something in this conversation lands somewhere specific for you, that is the signal to do something with it. Start with the free communication training at growingself.com/communication. It is two short videos and a workbook, and you can do it this weekend. And if you want to go a little deeper, we do free first conversations at growingself.com. No pressure, no commitment, just a real conversation about what is actually going on in your relationship and whether what we do here might be a fit. I will see you back on the podcast soon. xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast Upwork — When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. OSEA — Amazing, clean, science-backed skincare made with the power of the sea. Use code LHS at oseamalibu.com for 10% off your first order. Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at quince.com/lhs. LNutra Prolon — A science-backed, plant-based nutrition program that supports fat loss, metabolism, cellular rejuvenation, and overall longevity. Head to ProlonLife.com/LHS for 15% off your first order + a bonus gift.

Sometimes the worst part of betrayal is not what happened. It’s what keeps happening inside you afterward. Betrayal trauma recovery is about understanding why betrayal trauma can leave you anxious, hypervigilant, angry, shut down, or unsure of yourself long after the original event is over. In this episode, we’re revisiting a conversation about what happens when someone you love, trust, or depend on hurts you in a way that changes how safe the world feels. Whether the rupture came through infidelity, dishonesty, emotional abandonment, or another kind of relational betrayal, the aftermath can be disorienting in ways people do not always talk about clearly enough. We’ll look at why betrayal can create trauma responses that feel a lot like PTSD, and why healing after betrayal often takes more than insight alone. We’ll also explore what betrayal trauma recovery can look like in real life: naming the wound honestly, recognizing your trauma responses, understanding the difference between a real threat and an old trigger, and creating the kind of emotional safety that makes healing possible. If you’ve been trying to rebuild trust after betrayal, make sense of healing after infidelity, or learn how to trust yourself again, this episode offers a compassionate and grounded place to begin. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Betrayal Trauma Recovery 04:09 Why Betrayal Can Feel Like Trauma 08:38 What Counts as Betrayal? 15:43 Self-Blame and Losing Trust in Yourself 23:14 Betrayal Trauma Symptoms: Fear, Hypervigilance, and Avoidance 35:02 How Betrayal Trauma Recovery Begins 46:53 Why Safety Has to Come Before Healing 52:08 Healing, Boundaries, and Learning to Trust Yourself Again If this episode gave language to something you’ve been carrying alone, I’d like to offer you a gentle next step. You can schedule a free consultation with me or someone on my team, and we’ll help you find the right support for you. It’s private, secure, and only takes a couple of minutes to answer three quick questions so we can match you with the right counselor or coach. Think of it as a thoughtful first step toward feeling more clear, more supported, and more like yourself again. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Upwork — and it’s a sponsorship I said yes to because I actually use it. When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. OSEA - Amazing, clean, science-backed skincare made with the power of the sea. Use code LHS at oseamalibu.com for 10% off your first order

If you struggle with boundaries, you can end up “nice”… and quietly miserable. Because when conflict shows up, you default to appeasing, avoiding, or people-pleasing. And then the same communication problems keep replaying until your emotional intimacy erodes. In this conversation, I’m joined by Kelvin Davis to talk about people pleasing, nice guy syndrome, and what it looks like to stop performing “niceness” and start showing up with honesty, courage, and self-respect. Kelvin shares how therapy helped him recognize his own people pleasing patterns, his fear of conflict, and the ways that conflict avoidance shaped his marriage, his identity, and his growth. If you’ve been trying to understand how to stop being a people pleaser, or why people pleasing keeps costing you closeness, clarity, and respect, this episode is for you. We’re also talking about how to set boundaries without becoming cold, defensive, or rigid. Kelvin opens up about emotional avoidance, approval-seeking, and the painful moment of realizing that being liked is not the same thing as being respected. Together, we explore the hidden cost of conflict avoidance, the difference between being a “nice guy” and being a good man, and why emotional intimacy begins to erode when hard conversations never really happen. This is a thoughtful conversation about people pleasing, relationships, self-respect, and what it takes to choose growth over comfort. Kelvin Davis is the founder and creator of Notoriously Dapper, a body positive menswear blog showcasing outfits to inspire men of all sizes to find confidence in their appearance. Notoriously Dapper was created to inspire all men to embrace who they are. In this episode, he brings that same message of authenticity to emotional growth too: how to stop shrinking, how to set boundaries, and how to become someone who can stay kind without abandoning themselves. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Nice Guy Syndrome and People-Pleasing 02:50 From Nice Guy to Good Man 08:49 Emotional Cheating and Emotional Intimacy 12:07 How to Set Boundaries 24:07 Choose Hard Now, Easy Later 34:20 Be Buffalo, Not Cows 39:06 Hard Conversations and Conflict Avoidance 53:56 Boundaries, Balance, and Respect If this conversation hit something tender in you, I’d love to offer you a way to take the next step. When you’ve spent a long time being the one who keeps the peace, avoids conflict, or bends yourself into whatever other people need, it can be hard to know how to begin doing something different. You deserve support with that. You can answer three quick questions so we can help you schedule a free consultation with the right expert on my team. It’s private, secure, and only takes a couple of minutes. If you’re ready to work on people pleasing, how to set boundaries, or the relationship patterns that keep replaying in your life, this is a warm, thoughtful place to begin. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Upwork — and it’s a sponsorship I said yes to because I actually use it. When you need specialized talent fast, Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at upwork.com — posting a job is free. Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts.OSEA - Amazing, clean, science-backed skincare made with the power of the sea. Use code LHS at oseamalibu.com for 10% off your first order

Anxiety, especially climate anxiety, can feel like a constant alarm you can’t shut off. If you’re living with stress & anxiety, chronic stress, and an undercurrent of grief, you’re not alone. And when it starts tipping into burnout, you need tools that build real-world agency. In this conversation, I’m joined by Dr. Katharine Wilkinson — writer, teacher, creator, and one of the clearest voices I know on climate emotions and meaningful action. We’re talking about climate anxiety, eco anxiety, climate change anxiety, and the emotional toll of living in a world that can feel harder to trust than it used to. This is a conversation about how to stay grounded without shutting down, and how to move through fear without letting it run your life. We talk about the difference between healthy fear and anxiety that starts taking over, and why anxiety about climate change can leave so many people feeling helpless, isolated, or stuck. Dr. Katharine shares how guilt, anger, and climate grief can become sources of information instead of feelings to numb out or carry alone. We also talk about community, young people, uncertainty, and how meaningful action can help shift you out of paralysis and into a deeper sense of agency. At the end, I put my psychologist hat on and talk through what to do when climate anxiety, chronic stress, or burnout begin affecting your sleep, mood, focus, or daily functioning. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 The Emotional Reality of Climate Anxiety 06:06 Guilt, Action, and Agency 18:02 Healthy Fear vs. Climate Anxiety 21:11 Community, Connection, and Collective Action 39:37 Helping Young People Face an Uncertain Future 45:03 Rage, Grief, and a Way Forward If this conversation brought up something tender for you — fear, grief, burnout, or that constant sense of bracing for what’s next — I want to offer you a gentle next step. Let’s find the right support for you. You can schedule a free consultation with me or someone on my team. It’s a private, secure space where you’ll answer three quick questions so we can help match you with the right counselor or coach for what you’re carrying right now. It only takes a couple of minutes, and it may be the beginning of feeling more supported, more grounded, and less alone. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Shopify — The all-in-one platform for building and growing your online business. Visit shopify.com/lhs to explore their tools and access exclusive listener discounts. Upwork - Upwork gives you access to vetted professionals across 125+ categories, from marketing to web development to operations support. No long recruiting cycles. No guesswork. Just the right person, when you need them. Check it out at Upwork.com — posting a job is free OSEA - Amazing, clean, science-backed skincare made with the power of the sea. Use code LHS at oseamalibu.com for 10% off your first order

Discovering that your partner has cheated is one of the most painful experiences anyone can have. It's a form of relational trauma that leaves you hurting and mistrustful, long after the affair has ended. Healing from this form of betrayal is a difficult process that takes many months or even years. But the partner who cheated has their own healing to do, and that very real need is often overlooked in conversations about infidelity.  So you've cheated, now what? If you've cheated on someone you love and care about, you may be questioning everything you thought you knew about yourself. You may feel confused about how you got here, and conflicted about the future you want. You are likely filled with a complex mix of painful feelings, like regret, shame, guilt, and ambivalence. Addressing those feelings and understanding your experience is the path to repair, both for you, and for your relationship.  That's why I created this episode of the podcast. I hope this helps you find space for your own healing and growth, so you can move forward from this experience stronger than before.  With love, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby GrowingSelf.com . . . Episode Highlights [01:50] Help! I Cheated [7:01] Why Did I Cheat? [15:03] Moving Forward After Cheating [31:21] Forgiving Yourself [39:20] A Healthy Healing Process After Cheating

Are you in love with someone who is deeply in love with... themselves? It's exhausting to have a relationship with a selfish person. The good news is that there are different types of narcissists, and sometimes healing and growth is possible. (Maybe, for them, but definitely for YOU.) I'm tackling all your questions about narcissists on this episode including how to tell if someone is a narcissist (and what type), how to avoid subconsciously perpetuating a narcissistic relationship dynamic, when hope is possible vs. when to cut your losses, and more.  Join me!  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby GrowingSelf.com P.S. This is a VAST subject. If you have lingering questions, leave them for me in the comments section of this post.  

Sad But True: January is The Most Common Time Of Year For Breakups and Divorces Does your relationship have a holiday hangover? Memories of the holiday meals and sparkly presents are fading into the distance. The brown pine needles have been vacuumed from the rug. But the hurt feelings, resentments, and disappointments? Hoo boy! NOW is the time of year when it finally feels safe to talk about the hard things that have happened over the last few months. Holidays are wonderful, and there is lots to love. But they are also stressful, and they put uniquely difficult stressors on relationships. The cracks in every relationship strain around things like money, in-laws, setting limits with the kids, "being thoughtful," who might be drinking too much or flirting with a certain someone at a holiday party, or all the unhelpful ways people cope with stress. Over the holidays, pressure gets put on all those cracks at the same time. People cope the best they can. Many people, as they go through the holidays, say to themselves: "Just get through it, get through it, get through it." The holidays are supposed to be happy right? So people keep the lid on the hard stuff. They smile when they feel like screaming, they stuff the disappointments, and they endure the annoyances. Silently. With mounting bitterness. As any marriage counselor worth their salt will tell you, stuffing things only makes them fester and grow like warty mushrooms of resentment on your heart. So by the time you arrive in January, what you've been holding on to for the past month or two may feel like a really. big. deal. Furthermore, nobody wants to open up a bunch or hard stuff right before the holidays. Certainly nobody wants to talk about breaking up. Couples who weren't in a great place even before the holidays start to feel squeamish about dealing directly with their problems before all the family events and vacation plans. Married people "don't want to scar their kids by ruining Christmas." So they wait, stuffing their feelings and biding their time until the ball drops on a New Year. A new start. A new life. And then they blindside their partners with talk of breaking up, or the "big D" in January. Do Not Be Afraid of The January Relationship Crisis Seriously. Use it to your advantage. Use it as an opportunity to resolve issues, and make the changes that need to be made: This can be a "fresh start" for your relationship, just like your other goals and hopes for the new year. Now is the time for a fresh start for your relationship: Talk about the things you haven't been talking about. If you can't talk about them productively, that's normal too -- that's what marriage counselors and relationship coaches are here for. Get in touch and we can help you communicate, reconnect, and work through it productively. Show your partner how much you love them by staying calm, and letting them know you're willing to work on it. Practice listening non-defensively, and responding to their requests. Let them know you're willing to do whatever it takes to work through it with them. Educate yourself: I am re-releasing the podcast I created last year on this subject, "The January Relationship Crisis." (Now #63). Listen to it to get deeper insight into what's going on, and how you can work together to reconnect. While you're there, browse around the other relationship podcasts I've made to learn more. (And if you like the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast please subscribe and leave a review!!) Use the resources available to you: Sign up to get my free relationship advice freebie (www.growingself.com/avoid-january-breakups) and then check back here over the next few weeks for new posts on "How to Get Your Unwilling Partner to Go To Marriage Counseling," "How to Deal With a Partner Who Shuts Down," and "How to Deal With a Partner Who is Always Angry." (Don't miss these posts: Sign up for our monthly round up at the top right of my blog page (www.growingself.com) and I'll send them to you next month). 2016 could be the best thing that ever happened to your relationship. Facing challenges fearlessly, as a couple, is what will create a stronger, deeper connection than ever before. No one wants relationships to be over: They want them to be better. Embrace the "January Relationship Crisis." This could be your chance to take your relationship to the next level. Happy New Year! -- Lisa Podcast Music Credits: Ty Segall, "So Alone"