Making Wholeness Possible

Anxiety does not always look like worry.Sometimes it looks like anger. Sometimes it looks like keeping the peace. Sometimes it looks like venting, controlling, fixing, shutting down, or taking responsibility for things that are not actually ours to carry.In this episode of Making Wholeness Possible, Danae and Ken begin a new conversation around self-regulation and anxiety. They talk about the difference between acute anxiety and chronic anxiety, how anxiety shows up in our relationships, and why our reactions are often connected to a deeper sense of threat.They also explore some of the common ways we miss anxiety in ourselves.This conversation invites us to look beneath the surface of our reactions and begin asking a better question: What am I being threatened by?The goal is not to never feel anxiety. The goal is to learn how to manage ourselves in the middle of it so we can show up with more maturity, honesty, courage, and love.Show Notes: Ways to Get Into Action This Week:Think about one moment this week when you got triggered, reactive, angry, defensive, shut down, or stirred up.Then take a few minutes to reflect:Who was involved?What happened?How did you react?What did you think but not say?What did you feel in your body?What were you angry, afraid, or anxious about?What threat did you experience?Did you feel dismissed, controlled, unseen, blamed, exposed, abandoned, or afraid of messing something up?Then ask one more question:How would I like to show up differently next time?You may not catch your anxiety in the moment at first. That is okay. Start in the rearview mirror. Look back. Get curious. Practice one small step toward becoming a less anxious presence.Thank you for listening to Making Wholeness Possible. Stay curious. Keep practicing. This is how wholeness becomes possible.Learn MoreFaithwalking’s course, What No One Told You About Life: Growing Up Emotionally, Managing Anxiety, and Improving Relationships, is designed to help you grow in emotional maturity, manage anxiety, and improve your relationships.Learn more here: https://faithwalking.com/what-no-one-told-you-about-life/We would love to hear from you! Email us questions, topics you would like us to cover, or just say hello! [email protected] 

In this episode of Making Wholeness Possible, Danae and Ken wrap up their conversation on self-awareness by exploring four simple practices that help us grow: becoming more observant, staying curious, making time for intentional reflection, and inviting a coach into the journey.Danae and Ken are joined by Angela Ashley, who shares honestly about her own journey toward emotional maturity, what it was like to begin doing this work, and how coaching helped her see things she could not see on her own. Angela talks about resistance, shame, learning to feel emotions, the value of being deeply listened to, and why “awareness is progress.”Together, they explore why self-awareness cannot happen in isolation and how safe, honest relationships can help us grow in the way we understand ourselves, manage anxiety, and show up with others.MWThis episode is a practical and personal reminder that no one can do this work for you, but you cannot do it alone.Show Notes:Ways to Get Into Action This Week:1. Pause and notice what you are feeling.Take 30 seconds each day to stop and ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now?” Begin practicing the simple act of observing what is happening inside of you instead of rushing past it.2. Pay attention to a moment when you get triggered.Notice one moment this week when something stirs a strong reaction in you. Instead of moving quickly into blame, defense, or avoidance, pause and get curious.3. Practice the Five Whys.When you notice a reaction, ask yourself, “Why did that trigger me?” Then keep going deeper by asking why again. Go five levels deep to help you get underneath the surface reaction and closer to what may really be happening inside of you.4. Make space for intentional reflection.Find a rhythm that works for your life. It may be a walk, journaling, prayer, quiet time, or a few minutes at the end of the day. The goal is not to do it perfectly. The goal is to pause long enough to pay attention.5. Consider where you may need support.Think about whether a coach, mentor, counselor, or trusted person could help you listen more deeply, ask better questions, and see what you may not be able to see on your own.Thank you for listening to Making Wholeness Possible. Stay curious. Keep practicing. This is how wholeness becomes possible.Learn MoreFaithwalking’s course, What No One Told You About Life: Growing Up Emotionally, Managing Anxiety, and Improving Relationships, is designed to help you grow in emotional maturity, manage anxiety, and improve your relationships.Learn more here: https://faithwalking.com/what-no-one-told-you-about-life/

Strong emotions are part of being human, but many of us were never taught how to handle them in healthy ways.In this episode of Making Wholeness Possible, Danae and Ken continue the conversation on self-awareness by exploring what we learned in our first formation about managing strong emotions.They talk about how early messages, family patterns, and modeled behaviors can shape the way we respond as adults, like learning to stuff our sadness, not to cry, not to show fear, or not to let anyone see what we were really feeling.But those emotions do not disappear. They leak out in our relationships, our parenting, our leadership, our work, and even our bodies.This conversation is about looking back with curiosity so we can understand what we learned, name what is still shaping us, and begin practicing healthier, more whole ways of responding.Show Notes:Ways to Get Into Action This Week1. Reflect on what you learned about strong emotions.Choose one emotion to begin with: anger, sadness, fear, disappointment, grief, anxiety, or shame. Ask yourself: What did I learn about this emotion growing up? Was it welcomed, ignored, punished, silenced, mocked, or modeled in a healthy way?2. Make a simple “what I learned” list.Draw a line down the middle of a page. On one side, write what you learned that may have been healthy or helpful. On the other side, write what you learned that may have been unhealthy, limiting, or harmful. Consider both what was said out loud and what was modeled without words.3. Use the Five Whys.Think about a recent moment when you had a strong emotional reaction. Then gently ask yourself “why?” several times to get beneath the surface. Why did that upset me? Why did it feel threatening? Why did I respond that way? What old story, wound, fear, or pattern might be underneath it?4. Use a feelings wheel.If it is hard to name what you are feeling, look up a feelings wheel and use it to find more specific language. Sometimes naming the feeling is the first step toward understanding what is happening inside of you.5. Name the loss.If you are feeling sadness or grief, ask: What have I lost? Then ask: What is different now because of this loss? Naming the loss can help you sit honestly with grief instead of running from it or stuffing it down.6. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel.Feeling an emotion is not the same as being controlled by it. This week, practice saying, “It is okay for me to feel this.” Then ask God to help you respond with maturity, honesty, and compassion.We would love to hear from you! Email Danae and Ken at [email protected] Faithwalking’s course, What No One Told You About Life: Growing Up Emotionally, Managing Anxiety, and Improving Relationships, is designed to help you grow in emotional maturity, manage anxiety, and improve your relationships.Learn more here: https://faithwalking.com/what-no-one-told-you-about-life/Learn More

In this episode of Making Wholeness Possible, Danae and Ken begin a new conversation around self-awareness by going back to our childhood – our first formation: the early shaping we experienced through family, relationships, culture, authority figures, and the things we learned we had to do to feel safe, loved, accepted, or in control.Ken and Danae talk honestly about how early lessons can become adult patterns. Avoiding conflict. Over-functioning. Playing small. Keeping everyone happy. Shutting down. And more. These reactions often feel like “just who we are,” but they may actually be protective patterns we learned a long time ago.This conversation invites you to look back with honesty and compassion, not blame or shame. We may not be responsible for what happened in our first formation, but as we gain awareness and tools, we can begin to take responsibility for how we show up now.Show NotesWays to Get Into Action This WeekA few simple but meaningful ways to begin practicing self-awareness this week:1. Carve out time for reflection.Deep awareness does not happen without reflection. Set aside time this week to slow down, think, pray, journal, or simply pay attention to what has been stirring in you.2. Make a positive and negative first formation list.Create two columns. On one side, write down positive things you learned in your first formation. On the other side, write down negative things you learned. These may be things that were directly taught, modeled for you, implied, or simply absorbed as you tried to make sense of the world.3. Journal about a specific experience.Think about one moment or series of moments from your early life that shaped you. Start by writing the facts: What happened? Who was there? What do you remember?4. Ask, “What meaning did I make?”After naming what happened, go deeper. What did you come to believe about yourself, others, God, relationships, conflict, safety, love, or acceptance because of that experience? Don’t be satisfied with the first answer. Let it simmer.5. Ask, “How did I learn to protect myself?”Did you learn to hide, perform, overprepare, avoid conflict, keep everyone happy, shut down, get loud, stay quiet, or play small? Begin noticing how that protective pattern may still show up today.You do not have to figure it all out this week. Just start noticing.We would love to hear from you! Email Danae and Ken at [email protected] MoreFaithwalking’s course, What No One Told You About Life: Growing Up Emotionally, Managing Anxiety, and Improving Relationships, is designed to help you grow in emotional maturity, manage anxiety, and improve your relationships.Learn more here: https://faithwalking.com/what-no-one-told-you-about-life/Show NotesWays to Get Into Action This WeekLearn More

Work can bring out some of the hardest parts of us.A tense conversation. Receiving feedback. A coworker who frustrates you. A moment when expectations are unclear and anxiety starts to rise. Before long, you may find yourself defending, withdrawing, over-apologizing, blaming, shutting down, or carrying responsibility that was never yours to carry.In this episode of Making Wholeness Possible, Danae and Ken talk about personal responsibility in the workplace and what it looks like to stay grounded, honest, courageous, and clear when work gets hard.They explore how to listen before reacting, receive feedback without spiraling, own what is yours, stop carrying what belongs to someone else, create a safer workplace, and practice clear communication even when the conversation feels uncomfortable.This episode is for anyone who wants to show up with more maturity at work, navigate hard conversations with courage, and grow in the way they lead, communicate, and respond under pressure.Show NotesResources mentioned in this episode:Brené Brown’s Dare to Lead: https://brenebrown.com/hubs/dare-to-lead/ Dr. Henry Cloud’s Necessary Endings: https://www.drcloud.com/books/necessary-endings We would love to hear from you! Email Danae and Ken at [email protected] to Get Into Action This Week1. Ask: What is mine to own and not mine to own? Think about one workplace situation that feels frustrating, tense, or unresolved. Ask yourself: What is my responsibility here? What is not my responsibility?2. Ask the hard question. Choose one recurring problem and ask: What is my role in keeping this problem in place? Your role may be active, or it may be passive. Maybe you are not speaking up, not asking for clarity, avoiding a hard conversation, or carrying more than what belongs to you.3. Practice one clear conversation. This week, say one thing clearly and kindly that you may have been avoiding. Ask for clarity, name what you need, own what is yours, or set a needed boundary.4. Give yourself grace as you practice. Hard conversations may feel awkward at first. The goal is not perfection. The goal is showing up with courage, honesty, and a willingness to grow.Learn MoreFaithwalking’s course, What No One Told You About Life: Growing Up Emotionally, Managing Anxiety, and Improving Relationships, is designed to help you grow in emotional maturity, manage anxiety, and improve your relationships.Learn more here: https://faithwalking.com/what-no-one-told-you-about-life/

Have you ever stepped in to fix something that wasn’t really yours to fix? Or waited for someone else to make a decision that was actually yours to make?In this episode of Making Wholeness Possible, Danae and Ken continue the conversation on personal responsibility by exploring overfunctioning, underfunctioning, and the anxiety underneath both. They talk about the “dance” that can happen in relationships when one person overfunctions and another underfunctions, why it can be so hard to change that pattern, and how emotional maturity helps us ask a better question: What is actually mine to carry?Through honest stories, practical examples, and grounded reflection, this episode invites you to start small, stay patient, give yourself grace, and practice taking responsibility for your own choices, attitudes, boundaries, and growth.Show NotesQuestions to Reflect OnWhere am I taking responsibility for something that is not mine?Where am I avoiding responsibility for something that is mine?Am I trying to manage someone else’s reaction so I do not have to feel my own anxiety?What is one small place where I can practice showing up differently this week?Practice This WeekStart small.If you tend to overfunction, look for one place where you feel obligated to carry something for another fully functioning adult. Pause and ask, “Is this actually mine?”If you tend to underfunction, choose one small action this week. Make one decision. Ask for help without handing over responsibility. Take one small step that reminds you that you have agency.Start small, stay patient, give yourself grace, and practice daily.Learn MoreFaithwalking’s course, What No One Told You About Life: Growing Up Emotionally, Managing Anxiety, and Improving Relationships, is designed to help you grow in emotional maturity, manage anxiety, and improve your relationships.Learn more here: https://faithwalking.com/what-no-one-told-you-about-life/

Show NotesThree Ways to Get Into Action This Week1. Ask: What did I learn about personal responsibility in my first formation?Blame can feel safe. It can feel justified. It can even feel powerful.But what if blame is also one of the ways we give away responsibility for our own lives?In this episode, Danae and Ken talk about one of the most common ways we avoid taking responsibility for our own lives: blame.Blame often shows up when we are stressed, hurt, disappointed, afraid, overwhelmed, or angry. It can feel like a way to protect ourselves, explain our pain, or justify our reaction. But over time, blame can keep us stuck.Ken and Danae explore how personal responsibility is not the same as self-blame. Taking responsibility does not mean everything is your fault. It means asking honest questions like:What am I responsible for?What am I not responsible for?What is mine to own?What is my role in keeping this problem in place?What choice is available to me now?Think back to your family of origin and the first 18 years of your life.2. Ask: What limiting story am I telling myself? What limiting story am I telling myself?Ask yourself:What did I learn about responsibility growing up?What did I learn about blame?What did I learn about keeping other people happy?What did I learn about managing other people’s emotions?What did I learn about speaking up, setting limits, or asking for what I need?Do not settle for the first surface-level answer. Go deeper. Many of our current patterns were formed long before we realized we were practicing them.What limiting story am I telling myself?Ask yourself:Where am I saying, “I can’t because…”?What story have I been using to explain why I am stuck?Is that story completely true?Is there any responsible step I could take?What choice might still be available to me?3. Ask: What is my role in keeping this problem in place?This is a hard but powerful question.Ken reminds us that we almost always have some kind of role. It may be active or passive.Ask yourself:Am I staying silent when I need to speak up?Am I avoiding a hard conversation?Am I not asking for what I need?Am I tolerating something but continuing to complain about it?Am I blaming someone else while refusing to own my own choice?Am I keeping the problem in place because I am afraid of what change might require?Once you identify your role, take responsibility for the part that is yours.A Hopeful ReminderNo one can do the work for you.But you do not have to do it alone.If this episode stirred something in you, or if you feel like you need someone to come alongside you, reach out to us at: [email protected] would be glad to connect with you and help you find a next step.Faithwalking’s course, What No One Told You About Life: Growing Up Emotionally, Managing Anxiety, and Improving Relationships, is designed to help you grow in emotional maturity, manage anxiety, and improve your relationships.Learn more here: https://faithwalking.com/what-no-one-told-you-about-life/Taking responsibility for your life does not mean taking blame for everything that has happened to you.It means reclaiming the power to ask:What is mine to own, and what responsible step can I take from here?

What does it actually look like to do the work?In this episode, Chad Crawford joins us and turns the tables—interviewing us about our own journeys toward emotional maturity and wholeness.We share the moments that shaped us, the internal patterns we had to confront, and how this work continues to impact our relationships, leadership, and everyday lives.This is a more personal conversation—and an honest look at what it really takes to grow.If you’ve been listening and wondering, “Where do I even start?”—this episode is for you.Want to Go Deeper?If you’d like to dive deeper into the work of emotional maturity, check out these resources:Faithwalking Courses• What No One Told You About Life:https://faithwalking.com/what-no-one-told-you-about-life/• Learn more about Foundations and other courses:https://www.faithwalking.comIf this episode resonated, subscribe, share it with a friend, and leave a review. It helps more people discover the work of wholeness.

We all want to care for people well.But many of us were never taught what that actually looks like.So we end up in patterns like:trying to fix peopletaking responsibility for their emotionsavoiding hard conversationsor becoming overwhelmed by others’ painIn this episode, we close out our series on emotional maturity by exploring healthy empathy – what it is, what it isn’t, and why it matters in every relationship.We talk about:The difference between empathy, sympathy, and over-functioningWhy anxiety drives unhealthy empathyThe two extremes: self-focus and taking too much responsibilityHow rescuing others keeps them stuckWhat it means to care for someone, not take care of themWhy curiosity is one of the most important skills for empathyThis episode brings together everything we’ve discussed in this series and shows how emotional maturity is expressed in how we relate to others.Show NotesGet Into Action This WeekDon’t try to change everything. Just practice one thing:Choose curiosity over assumptions. The next time someone shares something hard, pause and ask: “Help me understand what that’s been like for you.”Notice your internal reaction. Are you trying to fix it? Avoid it? Control it? Just notice it without judgment.Practice staying present 2 minutes longer. Instead of jumping in, sit with them. Even if it feels uncomfortable.Resources for Deeper GrowthIf you would like to dive deeper into the work of emotional maturity, check out the courses offered through Faithwalking.What No One Told You About Life:https://faithwalking.com/what-no-one-told-you-about-lifeFaithwalking Foundations:https://www.faithwalking.com/module-1

What does it look like to stay grounded in who you are while staying connected to people who see the world differently than you do?In this episode of Making Wholeness Possible, Danae Labocki and Ken Shuman explore the concept of self-differentiation, which Ken describes as the biggest of the big rocks in emotional maturity.Self-differentiation is the ability to manage your reactivity, define yourself clearly, and stay connected to others even when they disagree with you.In this conversation we explore:• Why most people struggle with emotional maturity • How our families shape our level of differentiation • The difference between self-differentiation and fusion • Why we often seek approval and validation from others • How to grow in emotional maturity over timeAs we grow in self-differentiation, we grow in wholeness.Show NotesGet Into Action This WeekIf you want to start practicing self-differentiation this week, try one of these simple steps:Write one guiding principle. Ask yourself: How do I want to show up in the world? Write one sentence that defines the kind of person you want to be.Stop taking things personally. Notice moments when someone’s reaction triggers you. Pause and ask: What would it look like to stay grounded instead of reactive?Exchange expectations for hopes. Instead of expecting others to behave a certain way, practice holding hopes instead.Reduce judgment.Choose one person this week who sees the world differently than you do and practice staying connected without criticizing or correcting them.Growth happens through practice.Resources for Deeper GrowthIf you would like to dive deeper into the work of emotional maturity, check out the courses offered through Faithwalking.What No One Told You About Life:https://faithwalking.com/what-no-one-told-you-about-life/Faithwalking Foundations:https://www.faithwalking.com/module1

In this episode of Making Wholeness Possible, Danae Labocki and Ken Shuman explore the concept of self-definition and why it is essential for emotional maturity.Many people live reactively – shaped by the expectations, opinions, and emotions of those around them. Self-definition invites something different: the ability to thoughtfully decide who you want to be and how you want to show up in the world.In this conversation, Ken and Danae discuss:• What self-definition is and why it matters• What self-definition is not• Why defining ourselves can feel difficult• The role of boundaries in emotional maturity• How guiding principles help us live intentionally instead of reactivelyKen also shares practical examples of guiding principles and how they help him respond with clarity even in difficult or triggering situations.Try creating one simple guiding principle for a relationship or situation in your life.Show NotesTake Action This WeekAsk yourself:Where do I often feel reactive or anxious?How do I want to show up instead?What would my best thinking say about how to respond?Practice reminding yourself of this guiding principle before entering situations where you may feel triggered.Small steps toward self-definition can create powerful shifts in how you live and relate to others.Resources for Deeper GrowthIf you would like to dive deeper into the work of emotional maturity, check out the courses offered through Faithwalking.What No One Told You About Life:https://faithwalking.com/what-no-one-told-you-about-lifeFaithwalking Foundations:https://www.faithwalking.comBooks Mentioned in This EpisodeBoundaries – Henry Cloud & John Townsend:https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Updated-Expanded-When-Control/dp/0310351804Falling Upward – Richard Rohr:https://www.amazon.com/Falling-Upward-Revised-Updated-Spirituality/dp/1394185693

Why do we snap, shut down, over-explain, or get defensive?In this episode of Making Wholeness Possible, we explore how anxiety — not anger — is often driving our reactions. We talk about threats (real and imagined), emotional contagion, and the four common ways we cope when we feel anxious.If you’ve ever behaved in a way you later regretted, this episode will help you understand why — and what to do instead.Show NotesTry This This Week:• Reflect daily: Where did I react without thinking?• Identify the threat underneath the reaction.• Pause. Calm yourself. Ask better questions.• Choose how you want to show up.Wholeness begins with awareness.Dive Deeper:Faithwalking: What No One Told You About Lifehttps://faithwalking.com/what-no-one-told-you-about-life/Foundations and morehttps://www.faithwalking.comBook Recommendation: Strong Like Water by Aundi Kolberhttps://www.amazon.com/Strong-like-Water-Things-Flourishing/dp/1496454715

Do you react first and regret later?In this episode of Making Wholeness Possible, we talk about self-regulation — the practice of deciding who you want to be before the moment hits.Ken shares why self-regulation starts before the hard conversation, how to stop making meaning about what others think, and how to write guiding principles that help you show up with courage, clarity, and respect.If you’ve ever:Avoided a hard conversationFelt your anxiety take over in a meetingMade up a storyline in your headOr wished you’d handled something differently…This episode will give you practical steps to grow.Stay curious. Keep practicing. That’s how we make wholeness possible.SHOW NOTESEpisode 4: Self-RegulationSelf-regulation is about choosing how you want to show up — even when you’re anxious, triggered, or uncomfortable.Self-regulation is living:Intentionally instead of impulsivelyThoughtfully instead of reactivelySelf-governed instead of externally governedFour Practices for Building Self-Regulation1. Increase Self-AwarenessAsk:What triggers me repeatedly?What situations make me reactive?What storylines do I write in my head?You can’t regulate what you’re unaware of.2. Monitor Your BehaviorNotice:What happens in your body when you’re triggered?Do you shut down internally?Do you deflect with humor?Do you avoid?Pay attention without shame. Just observe.3. Evaluate Your LifeAsk yourself:Am I showing up how I want to be known?Do my reactions align with my values?Where do I have regret?Honest evaluation leads to growth.4. Become Self-GovernedWrite a guiding principle for moments where you tend to lose yourself.Ken’s example:“I welcome hard conversations. In them, I am fully present, highly respectful, and completely honest.”A guiding principle gives your values a voice when your anxiety wants to take over.Practical Ways to Work on This WeekChoose one small step:Write one guiding principle for a situation that regularly triggers you.Practice noticing when you’re making meaning about someone else’s behavior.Pause in a tense moment and ask: “Who do I want to be right now?”Nobody can do this work for you. But you don’t have to do it alone. Stay curious. Keep practicing.That’s how wholeness is made possible.SHOW NOTESEpisode 4: Self-RegulationFour Practices for Building Self-Regulation1. Increase Self-Awareness2. Monitor Your Behavior3. Evaluate Your Life4. Become Self-GovernedPractical Ways to Work on This Week

Self-awareness is more than knowing your strengths or personality type.It’s noticing your triggers. It’s understanding your patterns. It’s identifying the threats beneath your reactions.In this episode, Chad Crawford joins us to share his journey from surface-level awareness to deeper awareness — especially in the areas of anger, anxiety, leadership, and agency.We discuss:• The two levels of self-awareness • How pain can become a catalyst for growth • Why anger is often the fruit and anxiety the root • What agency looks like in the moment • The power of self-compassion in emotional growthIf you’ve ever wondered why you keep reacting the same way — this conversation offers clarity and practical next steps.SHOW NOTES

In Episode 2 of Making Wholeness Possible, Danae and Ken talk about personal responsibility—what it really is, what it isn’t, and why both over-responsibility and under-responsibility keep us from living fully.Through real-life stories and practical tools, they explore how taking appropriate responsibility helps us reclaim agency, reduce burnout, and grow in emotional maturity. This episode offers simple questions you can use right away to stop carrying what isn’t yours, own your role honestly, and move toward greater freedom and wholeness.If you’ve ever felt stuck, resentful, or exhausted from doing too much—or frustrated by others not taking responsibility—this conversation is for you.

This is Making Wholeness Possible with Danae Labocki and Ken Shuman.In this first episode, we lay the foundation of what emotional maturity actually is, why it matters in real life, and share one simple practice you can try this week to grow—without pressure, perfection, or beating yourself up in the process.