PODCAST · society
Modern Love
by Ajai Vindication
For 18 years, the Modern Love column has given New York Times readers a glimpse into the complicated love lives of real people. Since its start, the column has evolved into a TV show, three books and a podcast. Each week, host Anna Martin brings you stories and conversations about love in all its glorious permutations, dumb pitfalls and life-changing moments. New episodes every Wednesday. Listen to this podcast in New York Times Audio, our new iOS app for news subscribers. Download now at nytimes.com/audioapp
Episodes
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Does My Son Like His Stepmother More Than Me?
One thing that comforted Denise Ryan after her divorce was that she and her ex-husband still talked every day. Even though they lived apart, they were still co-parenting their son, Alexander, and they were constantly jumping on the phone to tell each other what he was up to at their respective...
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How Alan Cumming Escaped His Father and Became Himself
The actor Alan Cumming is not the man his father wanted him to be. Growing up, Cumming says, his father had specific ideas about how he should look and what he should do with his life, ideas he enforced with abusive violence. However, Cumming tried to stay true to himself: As a teenager, he hid...
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I’m Black, Even if You Don’t See it
For most of her life, Kelly McWilliams has felt as though people aren’t seeing her clearly. Kelly is biracial, and she was raised to be proud of her identity: she grew up surrounded by African American culture and literature. But when she walks into a room, a lot of people perceive her as a white...
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I Left My Fiancé, My Church and My Shame
At the age of 25, the comedian Taylor Tomlinson was sure she had life and love figured out. She’d left behind a religious faith that felt too restrictive. She was engaged to a man she loved. She was also writing her first Netflix special. Tomlinson felt like her career and personal life were on...
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I Was That Cliché Divorced Guy, and I Knew It
Joe Swanberg married the first person he ever seriously dated. When that marriage ended, his romantic life got complicated. Messy, even. He started dating younger women, ended up in an elaborate love triangle, and completely changed his mind about whether he wanted to marry and have children…
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How to Feed Your Feelings After Divorce
Carla Lalli is well known as a chef and a cookbook author. But after many years in food media, working at places like Bon Appétit, she started to lose her personal connection to cooking. It wasn’t until her 24-year-long marriage ended and she had to start cooking for herself as a newly single...
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In 24 Hours, My Whole Life Changed
Blake Martin was in his car waiting to pick up pizza when a notification from his doctor hit his phone. As he read it, his stomach dropped and his mind started racing. It was the second life-changing piece of news he’d received within 24 hours, and it threw his entire idea of the future into...
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Hosting an Orgy Is About More Than Just Sex
Jess Zakira Wise knew she wanted to experiment with group sex, but as she got into the scene she struggled to find a sex party where she felt comfortable. She kept finding spaces that were male-dominated and heteronormative, things she was trying to escape from. So, Jess started to organize her…
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I Don’t Trust A.I. But I Told it Everything
The tech writer and podcaster Bridget Todd was sure she’d never get attached to A.I. chatbots. She was suspicious of the companies behind them, and when she saw articles popping up about people who said they loved their bots, she said she found their situations sad and potentially dangerous....
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Am I Too Anxious for Love?
Jenny Singer thought she had a lung fungus. That would explain the shortness of breath that she was experiencing. The doctor’s other explanation was anxiety, which seemed completely out of the question to her. But as time went on, Jenny found herself increasingly focused on her “breathing…
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Where Did All My Male Friendships Go? (Encore)
Sam Graham-Felsen never imagined being lonely. Throughout his childhood and as a young man his life revolved around his friends. But when Sam got married and then had kids, going out with his friends almost felt like a luxury. After years of focusing on everything in his life except friendship…
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Is Polyamory Right for You?
Elisabeth “Eli” Sheff is a polyamory expert. When she first heard about polyamorous relationships, back in the early ’90s, hardly anyone was talking about this stuff. But Sheff became fascinated, and for the past 30 years, she’s been studying the lives of kids who grew up in polyamorous families....
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My Disability Makes My Sex Life Even Hotter
At the age of 15, the filmmaker and actor Kyla Harris had an accident that forever changed what her body could do, and what it couldn’t. From then on, she needed someone with her 24 hours a day to help her with things like going to the bathroom, cooking and showering. Family members, friends,...
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'The Interview': Robby Hoffman Will Always Feel Poor, No Matter How Rich She Gets
This week on "Modern Love," we're bringing you one of our favorite conversations from our friends at "The Interview." Speaking to host Lulu Garcia-Navarro, the comedian and actor Robby Hoffman says class and the way she grew up inform everything about the way she lives now. • Thoughts? Email us…
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Ask Me About My Dead Son
In 2019, Susie Shaw’s 9-year-old son, William, died in a skiing accident. We talk about grief a lot on this show, but a parent grieving the death of a child is a loss so profound, words don’t feel adequate. It’s hard to know what to say to someone facing this kind of tragedy. Susie Shaw says: Ask...
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Eddie Huang Drops the Tough Guy Act
When the chef, writer and filmmaker Eddie Huang joined the “Modern Love” podcast to discuss his new novel, “Come Undone,” our host Anna Martin asked him to start by reading a few lines from his 2017 guest essay for The New York Times. In it, Huang called out stereotypical portrayals of Asian men...
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Friends for 16 Years. Lovers for One Night. (Encore)
Elizabeth and Jeff were best friends. They did everything together, from early-morning runs to late-night karaoke sessions. They came up with secret code names for each other and went on undercover missions in their neighborhood. They fought, and made up, and fought some more. Beneath their…
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How Getting Stoned With My Dad Helped Us Heal
Growing up, Julian Brave NoiseCat’s father, Ed Archie NoiseCat, wasn’t around much. Other than the occasional ride to hockey practice from his dad, Julian mostly remembers the legends about him. Ed is an artist, famous for his wood carvings and larger-than-life stories. Julian remembers seeing…
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Laverne Cox Is Ready to Tell the Truth. Even if It’s Messy.
Laverne Cox never fit in as a child in Mobile, Ala. But she really didn’t want to. From an early age, she knew she was going to be a star, and she was right. Decades later, Cox would break through as Sophia Burset on Netflix’s “Orange Is the New Black,” and become the first openly transgender...
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I Tried to Have a Kid With My Best Friend. It Got Complicated.
Joseph Osmundson spent years joking about having a baby with his best friend. But one day, she told Joe she was serious about it. Joe was elated. Growing up, he had always wanted to be a father, but he didn’t realize how deep that yearning was until the moment their joke became a concrete plan.…
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20260526 Is Codependency Good?
Mark Duplass and Katie Aselton’s lives are completely intertwined. They’ve been married for almost 20 years while collaborating on films, raising children and spending as much time together as possible. The two see the same therapist, are nearly constantly touching each other and find it hard to...
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I Tried Everything to Escape My Heartbreak. Only This Worked.
Lauren Bans was seven months pregnant when she realized she needed a divorce. Suddenly, she found herself heartbroken, terrified, and completely unable to make decisions or think about the future. One day, her sister suggested they visit an escape room. As the door locked and the countdown began,...
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Love Lessons From Ramy Youssef’s Dog
When people stop Ramy Youssef on the street, it's usually not because they're mega-fans of his comedy. Instead, they mostly just want to pet his dog. It's not until they walk away, he says, that they recognize him from his semiautobiographical sitcom, "Ramy," or his latest special, "Ramy Youssef:...
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Isabel Allende and Her Mother Told Each Other (Almost) Everything
Isabel Allende began writing daily letters to her mother when she was a teenager. Over the next several decades, they exchanged over 24,000 of them. Allende credits their letter writing with removing the need for small talk and creating a deep bond between them. Knowing that she had to write to…
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My Mom Had a Secret Daughter. I Finally Found Her.
Tracy Clark-Flory was 16 when she learned something that would change her world forever: She had a half sister she’d never met. Tracy's mother, Deborah, had gotten pregnant as a freshman in college. She’d given birth to a baby girl in secret and placed the baby for adoption. Tracy could tell that...
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No, I Won't Be Your Bridesmaid
Ruhama Wolle loves weddings, but after being a bridesmaid three times in a little more than a year, she reached a breaking point. The financial and emotional burden was too much, and in an article for Glamour magazine, she publicly resigned from ever being a bridesmaid again. Now, Wolle has…
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Elizabeth Banks Married Her College Sweetheart. They’re Still in Love.
On her first day of college, Elizabeth Banks met a cute guy at a party. This was long before her roles in “Pitch Perfect” and “30 Rock.” A lot has changed, but 33 years later Banks is still with that same cute guy. In this episode of “Modern Love,” she tells our host, Anna Martin, about the…
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My Husband’s Breakdown Was My Breakthrough
It was Stefanie and Jonathan’s worst nightmare: Jonathan’s depression had become so severe he was begging to be taken to the hospital. Stefanie took him to the hospital and then took care of everything else for the family. When she married Jonathan years earlier, Stefanie knew about his mental...
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Zendaya and Robert Pattinson on Marriage and Secrets
In their buzzy new film, “The Drama,” Zendaya and Robert Pattinson play an engaged couple whose relationship is imploding. With their wedding just a week away, Emma (Zendaya) reveals a shocking secret about her past that sends her fiancé, Charlie (Pattinson), into a self-destructive spiral of...
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He’s Gay. She’s Straight. They’re Newlyweds. (Encore)
This week, we have an update to one of our favorite interviews from last year. When Jacob Hoff and Samantha Greenstone met, they became instant best friends. Then, even though Jacob was gay, they realized that their feelings for each other were evolving beyond the platonic, and they decided to…
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A Widow's Guide to Sex
When Joan Price's husband died, her grief left her feeling alienated from her body. She was numb. She couldn’t have orgasms. Her sex drive disappeared. Joan understood better than most people the importance of a fulfilling sex life; as a sex educator for older adults, she centered her work around...
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Jessie Buckley Became a Mother for 'Hamnet.' Then She Became a Real One. (Encore)
Jessie Buckley is nominated for best actress at the Oscars this weekend, for her performance in the movie “Hamnet.” She plays the wife of William Shakespeare — and a grieving mother — as the couple confronts the loss of their only son. The role has already won her a Golden Globe, a BAFTA and an...
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Lindy West Thought She Couldn’t Handle Polyamory. She Was Wrong.
When she was growing up, the writer Lindy West was bombarded with negative messages about being fat. The whole world seemed to think she didn’t deserve love unless she lost weight. In her first book, “Shrill,” West wrote about how hard it was to combat fatphobia within herself, in society and on...
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I Didn’t Want to Have Kids. My Husband Did. Could Our Marriage Survive?
When Helena de Groot was a child, she pictured an exciting future for herself: living in a big city, getting an apartment with lots of plants, having a creative job and going dancing on the weekends. She never saw becoming a mother as part of that future. When people asked, she told them she…
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What Happened When My Dad and I Came Out to Each Other
Julia Stoller loved her dad. But she never wanted to be him. He was a rule follower, he was so serious, and he was so straight. Then, when Julia was in her 20s, she got a phone call that completely changed her idea of who her father was. And as he opened up to her, sharing secrets he had been...
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The Secret to True Romance
Recently, the “Modern Love” team asked you to share stories about the most romantic things that have ever happened to you. What struck us about your stories was how frequently romance was found in quiet, everyday actions: rubbing your loved one’s feet, paying the bill, changing a flat tire…
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The Real Story Behind Jennette McCurdy’s Novel “Half His Age.”
Please note: this episode contains explicit descriptions of sex.Jennette McCurdy pretty much grew up in front of an audience. In her role on the Nickelodeon show “iCarly,” she seemed like a bubbly, happy teenager. Behind the scenes, though, she was struggling. In her 2022 memoir, “I’m Glad My Mom...
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I Was the Fun Dad. It Almost Destroyed My Marriage.
When Jordan Carlos looks back on the role he was playing in his family a few years ago, he does not like what he sees. He was bringing home a good salary as a comedian, but doing only the bare minimum as a husband and a dad. When Jordan did show up at home, he was more likely to take the kids out...
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I Tried to Toughen Up My Son. He Had Other Ideas.
Sam Graham-Felsen was not a tough child. He feared violence and didn’t feel that he could stand up for himself when he was bullied. His fear ate away at his confidence; he was afraid to go on dates, afraid to try hard in school. As an adult, he thought he had moved past those fears. But then he...
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14modernlove-podcast-belle-burden
Belle Burden was living the kind of life most can only dream of. Born into a wealthy New York family, she married a dashing attorney who had swept her off her feet. The couple had a beautiful apartment in Manhattan, a summer house on Martha’s Vineyard, three children, and what Belle thought was a...
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Want to have better sex this year? Here’s how.
Do you think you could be having better sex? Are you confident you know what really turns you on? What makes your body feel good? How do you communicate about it? Nicole McNichols wants everyone to be asking these questions.Dr. McNichols is a psychology professor at the University of Washington,...
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Andrew Garfield Wants to Crack Open Your Heart (Encore)
This emotional interview with the actor Andrew Garfield is a listener favorite. In it, Garfield talks about his 2024 film “We Live in Time,” in which he plays a newly divorced man named Tobias who falls in love with a chef named Almut, played by Florence Pugh. Their story feels epic and…
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I Cashed Out My 401(k) to Build a Women’s Only Retirement Community
When it came time to retire, Robyn Yerian didn’t feel like she had enough money saved. She didn’t want to depend on her children or end up in a nursing home, so she cashed out what she had in her 401(k) and bought a plot of land in East Texas. She built spots for tiny homes and called the area…
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Jessie Buckley Became a Mother for ‘Hamnet.’ Then She Became One for Real.
The actor Jessie Buckley says she wasn’t surprised that she got pregnant right after she finished shooting “Hamnet.” The film — starring Paul Mescal as William Shakespeare and Buckley as his wife, Agnes — tells the story of a couple grieving the loss of their only son. “When I was filming…
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Finding the Magic, Just in Time (Encore)
When Clare Cory was a young girl, she dreamed of love. But by the time she turned 50, she hadn’t found it. Still, she took a look around and found she was happy and looking forward to the future. Clare fell in love with life. She saw flowers bloom, watched sunlight sparkle on the water and held…
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A Therapist’s Emotional Tool Kit for a Better Holiday Season
The holiday season is upon us. It’s a wonderful time, but if we’re being honest, it’s also a little stressful. Whether you’re worried about hosting a big family gathering, talking with cousins who have very different perspectives on politics or awkward questions from prying aunts, the holidays…
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There's a Better Way for Couples to Talk About Money
According to Ramit Sethi, a personal finance author and coach, a lot of couples get stuck bickering about everyday purchases. If you’re hung up on what’s in the cart at Target, or who’s buying too many iced teas on the way to work, Sethi says you’re missing the bigger picture, and a chance to…
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On Our Third Date, I Asked for a Joint Bank Account
Janene Lin loathed the moment when the dinner bill would hit the table. When her date would pay, she felt like her love was for sale. Splitting the bill felt like no one had anything at stake. Most of the time, she would pay the bill herself, but that left her feeling uncared-for. So Janene...
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The Love Poem Andrea Gibson Wrote for Their Widow...and for You
Andrea Gibson was the poet laureate of Colorado and a giant of the spoken word poetry scene. This past July, Gibson died of ovarian cancer, leaving behind their devoted fans, friends, family and longtime partner, the poet Megan Falley.For the last year of Gibson’s life, a film crew followed…
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W.N.B.A. Star Natasha Cloud Doesn’t Play When It Comes to Love
Natasha Cloud is a powerhouse. The New York Liberty point guard seems to have it all: a successful W.N.B.A. career, fierce confidence and a loving relationship with her girlfriend and teammate, Isabelle Harrison. On and off the court, Cloud radiates self-assurance and seems to know exactly who…
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
For 18 years, the Modern Love column has given New York Times readers a glimpse into the complicated love lives of real people. Since its start, the column has evolved into a TV show, three books and a podcast. Each week, host Anna Martin brings you stories and conversations about love in all its glorious permutations, dumb pitfalls and life-changing moments. New episodes every Wednesday. Listen to this podcast in New York Times Audio, our new iOS app for news subscribers. Download now at nytimes.com/audioapp
HOSTED BY
Ajai Vindication
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does Modern Love have?
Modern Love currently has 462 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is Modern Love about?
For 18 years, the Modern Love column has given New York Times readers a glimpse into the complicated love lives of real people. Since its start, the column has evolved into a TV show, three books and a podcast. Each week, host Anna Martin brings you stories and conversations about love in all its...
How often does Modern Love release new episodes?
Modern Love publishes regularly with 462 episodes available. Check the episode list for the typical release schedule.
Where can I listen to Modern Love?
You can listen to Modern Love on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts Modern Love?
Modern Love is created and hosted by Ajai Vindication.
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