Modern Love

Growing up, Julian Brave NoiseCat’s father, Ed Archie NoiseCat, wasn’t around much. Other than the occasional ride to hockey practice from his dad, Julian mostly remembers the legends about him. Ed is an artist, famous for his wood carvings and larger-than-life stories. Julian remembers seeing him on the cover of Native Peoples magazine and hearing about his escapades driving across the country. What Julian could never understand, however, was why his dad couldn’t just be his dad, and be there consistently. For years, Julian didn’t have much contact with his father, but when he was 28, he decided to change that. He was working on the documentary “Sugarcane,” later nominated for an Academy Award, and writing his book, “We Survived the Night,” published last year. Both projects deeply involved his father and their family’s history. So Julian moved into his dad’s house. During the day, he would research and write, and at night, he would hang out with his father, playing “bong-hit Scrabble” and forging a relationship they previously never had. On this episode of “Modern Love,” Julian explains what those nights with his father meant to him, and how uncovering a dark chapter of his family’s history helped him and his father better understand each other. He also reflects on his own journey to fatherhood. We Want to Hear From You Email us at [email protected]. Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay. Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story.   Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Laverne Cox never fit in as a child in Mobile, Ala. But she really didn’t want to. From an early age, she knew she was going to be a star, and she was right. Decades later, Cox would break through as Sophia Burset on Netflix’s “Orange Is the New Black,” and become the first openly transgender person to be nominated for an Emmy Award in an acting category.  In this episode of “Modern Love,” Cox talks about her new memoir, “Transcendent.” She tells the story of how she became the star she always knew she was, the men she loved along the way and how she learned to fully love herself.  How to submit a Modern Love EssayHow to submit a Tiny Love Story Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Joseph Osmundson spent years joking about having a baby with his best friend. But one day, she told Joe she was serious about it. Joe was elated. Growing up, he had always wanted to be a father, but he didn’t realize how deep that yearning was until the moment their joke became a concrete plan. At the time, Joe had a boyfriend he loved and his best friend was partnered with a woman. It took time, effort, and countless meetings to decide how to conceive and co-parent in a way that would accommodate everyone involved. What the group did not anticipate was how complex their feelings would become once their plan was underway, or that Joe would have to define what parenting meant to him all over again. Joseph Osmundson’s book, “Spawning Season: An Experiment in Queer Parenting” is out now.   How to submit a Modern Love EssayHow to submit a Tiny Love Story Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Mark Duplass and Katie Aselton’s lives are completely intertwined. They’ve been married for almost 20 years while collaborating on films, raising children and spending as much time together as possible. The two see the same therapist, are nearly constantly touching each other and find it hard to function when one of them is away, a dynamic they describe as codependent. Their codependency is the inspiration for their new film “Magic Hour,” which they co-wrote and which Aselton directs and stars in. For the couple, codependency has added real depth and beauty to their relationship to the point they think the entire concept needs a rebranding. In this episode of “Modern Love,” Duplass and Aselton make their case for codependency, explain what it has enabled in their lives and share what they’ve had to sacrifice to maintain it. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Lauren Bans was seven months pregnant when she realized she needed a divorce. Suddenly, she found herself heartbroken, terrified, and completely unable to make decisions or think about the future. One day, her sister suggested they visit an escape room. As the door locked and the countdown began, Bans found herself enraptured by the puzzles, forgetting her reality for a moment and feeling like herself again. She was hooked and went back to escape rooms over and over. This week on the “Modern Love” podcast, Bans tells Anna Martin about her unique cure for heartbreak, and how making decisions in a fictional puzzle room helped her feel capable of making them in real life again, too. Read Lauren’s story in The New York Times Magazine. We want to know: How has A.I. changed your relationships? Send us a voice memo.How to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York TimesHow to submit a Tiny Love Story Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

When people stop Ramy Youssef on the street, it's usually not because they're mega-fans of his comedy. Instead, they mostly just want to pet his dog. It's not until they walk away, he says, that they recognize him from his semiautobiographical sitcom, "Ramy," or his latest special, "Ramy Youssef: In Love." In fact, Youssef’s dog, Basha, is a big part of the special and has become a major part of his life, even if he does sometimes steal the spotlight. On this episode of “Modern Love,” Youssef tells Anna Martin, our host, what he has learned about unconditional love from Basha. He reads a Modern Love essay from the archive, in which the writer describes working at an animal rescue and how watching humans in the midst of the adoption process redeemed them a little in her eyes. Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times. Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What’s the secret to sibling success? Apparently, an ugly divorce. At least, that’s how it went down for Ellen Umansky and her two brothers. Ellen’s parents separated when she was 9. “They loved us deeply, but there were battles to be won — emotional, reputational, financial,” Ellen wrote in her Modern Love essay.As Ellen and her brothers were flung into a new reality of parental feuds and convoluted calendar arrangements, her brothers became her “one constant and comfort.” Today’s episode is about “Team Umansky,” as Ellen’s husband calls them, a unit that has stuck together from adolescence through adulthood.

What are the boundaries of an open marriage? And what are the boundaries of an open marriage when your wife’s boyfriend has an accident that puts him in a coma? Do you introduce yourself to the hospital workers as the patient’s girlfriend’s husband?Wayne Scott and his wife, Elizabeth, have a “creative arrangement,” as Wayne puts it in his Modern Love essay. They share the children, the cats and the mortgage, but they have permission to see other people romantically.On today’s episode, we hear Wayne’s story about an accident that tested the parameters of their marriage, and we talk to Wayne and Elizabeth about how they have navigated their relationship in the years since.

Kadine Christie’s birth story is one that has been told to her time and again. She was born in the mountain town of Spalding, Jamaica, in the presence of two women: her mother, Lorna, and a stranger, Lurline, who was going into labor in the same open ward. This is a story that feels like fiction, but is far from it. It has high stakes, unexpected connections and a surprising ending. Something astonishing — even magical — was born in that maternity ward 40 years ago. Tune in to learn why Kadine’s birth story is also her love story.Featured Stories: “I Met My Husband on the Maternity Ward,” by Kadine Christie“An Unexpected Sign” by Sarah Reynolds Westin

When Laura and her husband divorced after two decades of marriage, their “little Colorado mountain town” could barely tell. It was quiet compared to the dramatic natural disasters that were afflicting the area — like flooding and wildfires. There were no raised voices, no feelings of fury.So why did they split? In the lead-up to their divorce, Laura had a revelation about what good love — the kind that will “survive life” — is supposed to sound like.Featured stories:“No Sound, No Fury, No Marriage," by Laura Pritchett“Silence Is Its Own Answer," by Jennifer ByrneLaura's story was recorded by Audm. To hear more audio stories from publishers like The New York Times, download Audm for iPhone or Android.

This holiday season, it’s OK to want more. Paula grew up in foster care, and year after year she would find herself “clobbered by desire” when the holidays rolled around. She longed for a mother and father to rescue her and “make everything better”; she wished for the hip-huggers and games she saw on TV.When she was 21, she met a man named Jeff who ruptured this annual cycle of desire. He became the inspiration for a hard-earned Christmas lesson.Featured stories:“The Holiday of My Dreams Was Just That,” by Paula McLain“A Sweet Reminder,” by Meg ChristmanPaula's story was recorded by Audm. To hear more audio stories from publishers like The New York Times, download Audm for iPhone or Android.You can find more information on today's episode here.

This episode contains descriptions of domestic violence.In 2013, Courtney Queeney published an essay about surviving domestic violence and the legal proceedings that followed. She described going to a courthouse every two weeks to renew her emergency protection order against her ex. It was during this period that she found “scattered bright spots” — things to laugh about when everything seemed unfunny. She found comfort in the woman who shared her court schedule; her lawyer, whom she revered; and the judge who made her crack up.Today, we hear about how Courtney has worked through the experience and aftermath of her abuse — and where is she now.Featured stories:“The View From the Victim Room,” by Courtney Queeney“Held by String,” by Eliza RudalevigeCourtney's story was recorded by Audm. To hear more audio stories from publishers like The New York Times, download Audm for iPhone or Android.You can find more information on today's episode here. New York Times subscribers are invited to join the hosts of Modern Love on Dec. 15 for an evening celebrating the new “Tiny Love Stories” book. RSVP here.

When Bette met her husband, he was leaning against a wall at a party. He had, as she put it, “smoldering looks and banked fires.” He was from Brooklyn; she was from the Bronx. She assumed his silent “bad boy” vibe meant “dangerous love and dramatic heartbreak.”They got married, and she realized that she’d misread his quiet demeanor: “His eyes were simply beautiful, and his silence wasn’t fierce; he just didn’t have anything to say at the moment.”After 56 years together, Bette’s husband passed away on the eve of the pandemic. Bette, now alone, shares what had kept them together all these years, and what their long love means to her now.Featured stories:“Widow Walks Into Wall, Finds Hope,” Bette Ann Moskowitz“Seeing Her in Me,” Alicia GabeBette's story was recorded by Audm. To hear more audio stories from publishers like The New York Times, download Audm for iPhone or Android.You can find more information on today's episode here.

Andrew and Sarah met on a dating app. Their first date was just supposed to be coffee, but it lasted nine glorious hours. They talked nonstop across four San Francisco neighborhoods. But by 2 a.m., Sarah had an admission to make. She told Andrew, who is Asian-American, that his “race might be an issue.” Andrew was shocked. The kicker? Sarah is also Asian-American. Today, we hear both sides of this story — and find out where Sarah and Andrew are now.Featured stories: “When a Dating Dare Leads to Months of Soul Searching,” Andrew Lee“Manic Pixie Real Girl,” Jerico MandyburAndrew’s story was recorded by Audm. To hear more audio stories from publishers like The New York Times, download Audm for iPhone or Android.

Sarah and Liz met on a blind date in New York City. Sarah ordered a club soda with a splash of cranberry juice. Liz ordered wine — twice.A few weeks into dating, while taking a walk together through Chelsea Market, a feeling crystallized for Liz: “I knew in the way seasons change that I would love her before this one ended.”In order to make this work, Liz knew she could no longer hide from Sarah that she had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.But six weeks after they got married, Liz hit a wall. She found herself in an airport, en route to Milan, tempted by a cold escape.Featured stories:“Flying Close to Temptation," Liz Parker“What Love Feels Like," E.J. SchwartzLiz's story was recorded by Audm. To hear more audio stories from publishers like The New York Times, download Audm for iPhone or Android.You can find more information on today's episode here.

Feeling election stress? Today's stories about a man and his dog may help.Timothy Braun was on a run through the Texas heat. When he stopped at a local animal shelter for a drink of water, he was taken by a dog who stared at him with pointy ears and mismatched eyes — one brown, one blue. He had no intention of adopting a dog, but “out of curiosity, or God knows what” he looked into the dog’s folder. It said that he'd been abandoned by an old woman. Her reason? “Dusty keeps following me around the house.”On today’s episode, we follow Dusty and Timothy’s relationship through two stories, seven years apart.Featured stories:“Four-Legged Reason to Keep It Together" and "She Wanted a Man With a Good Job Who Was Nice to Animals" by Timothy BraunTimothy's stories story were recorded by Audm. To hear more audio stories from publishers like The New York Times, download Audm for iPhone or Android.

In college, Malcolm Conner penned a rambling email intended for his crush. “You have cow eyes,” he wrote. “I know that sounds like a bad thing but have you ever looked into a cow’s eyes? They are so deep and brown and beautiful.”What he hadn’t disclosed — to his crush or to anyone at school — was that he was transgender and had transitioned at age 15. But he knew he had to tell this “charismatic acquaintance,” for what they had was flirtatious and unstoppable; it was, as Malcolm put it, physics.As it turned out, his crush had something to share too. They dated anyway — quietly, both knowing that each day of sweetness together was drawing them closer toward the last.Featured stories:“The Physics of Forbidden Love," Malcolm Conner“Strangers on a Train," Cecilia PesaoMalcolm’s story was recorded by Audm. To hear more audio stories from publishers like The New York Times, download Audm for iPhone or Android.You can find more information on today's episode here.

They disagreed on a lot of things: She was a “bleeding-heart liberal”; he was a “conservative libertarian.” He “came from good Irish Catholic stock”; she called herself a “hopeful agnostic.”When the firefighter chased her down the street to ask her out, she pinned him as “a bald, white, middle-aged New York City cliché.”On their first date, no topic was off-limits. Not racism, not abortion, not substance abuse. With each date, another debate.Today’s episode is about the space they found in each other — and the unexpected aftermath of their breakup.Featured stories:“‘Old Never Happened for Him,’” Kathryn Jarvis“Firefighter Chases Woman Down Street,” Marlena BrownMarlena's story was narrated by Audm. To hear more audio stories from publishers like The New York Times, download Audm for iPhone or Android.

Love is going to sound a little different this season. Tune into the first episode on Oct. 14, with new episodes every Wednesday.

In this week’s essay, Lilian Oben writes about how essential it is to be seen in relationships — to be able to take up space, without being asked to change who we are. Her essay is read by Zawe Ashton ("Betrayal").

Do you tell your friends you love them? And do you say it like that, using those words? Is it easy for you to say? Is it fraught? Ricardo Jaramillo takes those questions on in this week’s essay. It’s read by Ncuti Gatwa, who stars in “Sex Education” on Netflix.

Lorraine Toussaint ("The Glorias") reads an essay by Kim McLarin. Then, we catch up with Kim to hear how she is doing in this moment.

If you're running out of things to do at home — or if you just need a break from stress and worry — we have a suggestion. Listen to this week's episode featuring Gillian Jacobs and Mandy Len Catron, and then try the 36 questions that (may) lead to love. You can find the 36 questions here: https://nyti.ms/2SFbICi

We hear more of your stories about how the COVID-19 outbreak has changed your relationships with one another.

Modern Love presents an excerpt of the first episode of “Sugar Calling." Hear Cheryl Strayed in conversation with the author George Saunders, her old friend and mentor from graduate school.

Listeners share stories of how their relationships have changed during the coronavirus outbreak.

There's something wonderful about sharing your favorite books with the person you're falling in love with. And Karla Derus was a longtime book lover, dating a man who was also a big reader. But Karla also had a secret. Emmy-winning actress Uzo Aduba ("Mrs. America") reads Karla's essay.

Ali Fazal ("Victoria and Abul") tells the story of an unlikely friendship between a man and his elderly neighbor. This is an encore presentation.

Could you use a little extra comfort and love from afar right now? We thought so. We're sharing an episode of another WBUR podcast, "Endless Thread." This is a story about processing grief, and where we turn when the people closest to us don't seem to know what to do or say to help us move forward. If you enjoy this episode, subscribe to "Endless Thread" wherever you get your podcasts. More info here: https://smarturl.it/endlessthread

Gugu Mbatha-Raw ("The Morning Show," "Misbehaviour") reads an essay about a friendship between two people who meet in a pub in Notting Hill.

Lesley Manville ("Ordinary Love") reads an essay by Sally Hoskins about finding an unexpected support group in a hospital waiting room.

Brian Cox (HBO's "Succession") reads an essay about a father grappling with how to protect his child, but also let her live her life.

What if you had to pretend your partner was a stranger for a day? Would you fall in love again? Nick Kroll ("Olympic Dreams") reads Tim Kreider's essay.

This Valentine's Day, we're bringing you an episode made up of Tiny Love Stories — stories told in no more than 100 words.

Susan Kelechi Watson (NBC's "This Is Us," "A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood") reads Deborah Copaken's essay about how a lost love leads to an unexpected connection years later.

Terry Crews ("Brooklyn Nine-Nine") reads an essay by Brendan Halpin, about trying to find love again after loss.

Love is about trust. But have you ever been tempted to breach that trust? To read someone's diary, check their text messages, or read their emails? Jessalyn Gilsig reads an essay by Joyce Maynard about facing that temptation.

Rebecca Hall who stars in the upcoming movie "The Night House," reads a story about dating -- while manic. This is an encore presentation.

Jenny Slate ("Stage Fright," "Little Weirds") reads an essay by Catherine Down about the family you find when living far from home.

Director Judd Apatow reads an essay about a date that goes very wrong. This is an encore presentation.

Singer-songwriter Mary Chapin Carpenter reads a story by Eve Pell, about finding new love later in life. This is an encore presentation.

Jake Gyllenhaal ("Stronger") tells the story of a man recovering from heartbreak in a pediatrics wing.

Renée Elise Goldsberry ("Waves") reads an essay about a woman and her husband navigating the aftermath of his traumatic brain injury.

"Never tell our business to strangers." That's what Jennifer Mascia was told growing up. But it wasn't until she was an adult that she learned the reason why. Ruth Wilson (HBO's "His Dark Materials") reads Jennifer's essay about discovering a dark family secret.

"I’ve noticed that there is a strange hierarchy of handholding that dictates who gets to express physical affection without repercussions," Nicole Dennis-Benn writes in this week's Modern Love story. It's read by 15-time Grammy Award winning artist Alicia Keys, whose new single is called "Show Me Love."

Greta Gerwig ("Little Women") reads Julia Anne Miller's essay, about sharing an unusual cab ride in New York City. This is an encore presentation.

We want to introduce you to another podcast we think you might love, called Kind World. It features stories of life-changing acts of kindness. And this week's story features a story from the US/ Mexico border.

Kelly McCreary ("Grey's Anatomy") reads an essay about a chance meeting on a bus that leads to a decades-long relationship.

We make decisions every day that shape our lives in small ways. But it's rare to face a real crossroads — a choice between living one life, and living another that's entirely different. Zawe Ashton ("Betrayal") reads an essay by Ingrid Maitland, who writes about making a choice like that.

Regina King (HBO's "Watchmen") reads an essay by a woman who thinks she's met the right person for her — several years too early.