PODCAST · comedy
Monkeys With Matches
by Jonathan Thymius
A Comedian a Musician and a Jew is a podcast featuring comedy, music, philosophy and snarky comment.The cast includes Jonathan Thymius, a nationally recognized comedian who has starred in films, late show television, was a finalist on Last Comic Standing and is always on the verge of something great.Craig is a composer and French Horn player who spent most of his childhood on a New Mexico cattle ranch. Craig moved out west in 1988 to follow his dreams of playing in an orchestra and now lives in Silicon Valley where he spends every waking moment trying to meet his expenses.Bernie is a renowned sperm donor from Denver Colorado. He divides his time between his job in the steel industry and his monkey. Bernie loves riding his bike, scolding his dog for biting people and being too old to attract young women.
Episodes
-
The Way of the Turtle
There once was a turtle named Mitch, The Dems thought of him as a bitch, He kissed the beasts ass, The beast pushed out some gas, Forever Mitch has found his sweet nitch.
-
The Trump Cult
The elections, the virus, the trump cult, oh my!
-
Bill Devlin Part 1
Ever wonder what angry monkeys, Hüsker Dü, Church Picnic and some guy named Carrie have in common? Monkeys With Matches, thats what.
-
Shall We Overcome?
Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter - Martin Luther King
-
The Illuminati
Too many things are occurring for even a big heart to hold. -Yeats
-
Joseph Skokie
Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in passing, only a signal shown, and a distant voice in the darkness; So on the ocean of life, we pass and speak one another, only a look and a voice, then darkness again and a silence. -HW Longfellow
-
Unicorn Santa Pony Tail
The only reason people don't know much is because they do not care to know. They are incurious. Incuriousity is the oddest and most foolish failing there is. -Stephen Fry
-
She's A Star
My candle burns at both ends; It will not last the night But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends— It gives a lovely light! -Edna Millay
-
Jack
The little fish eats the tiny fish, the big fish eats the little fish. So only the biggest fish gets fat. Do you know any folks like that? -Anonymous
-
Kamala
Still I Rise "You may shoot me with your words, You may cut me with your eyes, You may kill me with your hatefulness, But still, like air, I'll rise." -Maya Angelou
-
Question 3
A voice said, look me in the stars and tell me truly, men of earth, if all the soul-and-body scars, were not too much to pay for birth. -Robert Frost
-
Question 2
A piece of gum lay on the ground, it's minty fresh taste long ago gone. It had been chewed and chewed until tired jaw. It bended my heart, my mind, my awe.
-
Question 1
Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process they do not become monsters. If you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you. -Nietzsche
-
Us Don't Have To Worry Bout Covid
Prezident Cheezel deletes lockdown, deletes the World Health Organization, deletes the memory of George Floyd, then hunkers in his hunker bunker, hunkers with freedom fries at midnight, a lights out party at the House of White. His rancid data dump is oozing out of our phones, like they say go…
more -
Gaia's Had Enough
On the day the world ends A bee circles a clover, A fisherman mends a glimmering net. Happy porpoises jump in the sea, By the rainspout young sparrows are playing And the snake is gold-skinned as it should always be. On the day the world ends Women walk through the fields under their umbrellas, A...
-
The Nihilist
The flowers betrayed The colors decayed Soaking with dismay It's death they might say Where they all lose and no one wins But this is how your life begins - anonymous
-
Total Collapse
Some say the world will end in fire, Some say in ice. From what I've tasted of desire, I hold with those who favor fire. But if it had to perish twice, I think I know enough of hate To say that for destruction ice Is also great. And would suffice. - R. Frost
-
Nation State
The heights by great men reached and kept Were not attained by sudden flight, But they, while their companions slept, Were toiling upward in the night. -Longfellow
-
COVID Calling
What are heavy? Sea-sand and sorrow; What are brief? Today and tomorrow; What are frail? Spring blossoms and youth; What are deep? The ocean and truth. - Christina Rossetti
-
Joigny
What do Lambs, Jools Holland, PoiL, Gentle Giant and civil war have in common? Monkeys With Matches...
-
Certainty
People that live in a state of Agnosticism are the courageous ones. Oh and Jeff Becks new album rocks!
-
Faith
Belief that is not based on proof: the obligation of loyalty or fidelity to a person, promise or demagogue etc.
-
Where's The Ball?
What happens when baseballs, candy and Greenland all change at the same time? Another Monkeys With Matches episode.
-
The Sleeping Giant
Can someone set an alarm clock for now?
-
Alexa
What does Indivisible, Arizona voter suppression, Bainbridge Island, Chinese politics and Stephen Colbert have in common? Monkeys With Matches of course.
-
Oppenheimer or Trump
All the way from Bayside Maine, the boys argue about the end of the world. Put down your bets.
-
Aliens, Boredom And The Apocalypse
All the way from the rain forest we figure it all out, and it's not going well.
-
Hacked
What do Bruce Schneier, mooning, Buddha-Judge and Satin all have in common? Monkeys With Matches!
-
Mac and Sleaze
Apple sucks, GIECO commercials scare people in the 16th century and why were cavemen so mean?
-
It's Breakfast Time
Monkeys lighting their feet on fire and talking birds. Perfect playground conversation.
-
The Super Bug
Computer cancer, mind hacking and Dixieland. Snap, crackle and pop...
-
The Aviary
New blue diamonds, 8 tracks, showering and our first kiss. Very informative!
-
The Shipyard
Protools sucks! Oh and so does Alex Jones.
-
The Fair
Are we part of the elite class? The boys travel to Flashlight Idaho to find out.
-
Hussong's Cantina
All the way from Ensenada Mexico the boys contemplate spaghetti sauce, diabetes and mind bending social media.
-
The Ladies Room
Trump is the drunk at the end of the bar. Shut him up for Christ sakes!
-
The Auction
Buying a horse isn't easy, especially when the conversation turns to the 34%.
-
The Dump
The dump is the perfect place to discuss the CEO's that are stealing our lives.
-
The Beach
What a better place than the beach to discuss dogs, tattoos and Trick of the Tail?
-
The Disco
Turns out that Jesus and milk cartons are completely different.
-
The Tennis Game
How do those tissue paper things in airport restrooms work and who threw his underwear in a tree? Those important questions answered in this weeks episode.
-
Church
A review of Sebastian Junger's new book "Tribe" and Debbie Wasserman Schultz counts penguins.
-
The Park
Scott makes an eerie prediction...
-
Chinatown
The Flintstones, Jonny Quest or slasher movies?
-
The Woods
Jonny Quest, The Flintstones, The Thing, The Blob, There's Something on the Wing, X The Unknown and Rodger T. "Race" Bannonto.
-
The Cleaners
Profiting off the relationship between humans and talking dogs.
-
The Bullfight
In this episode the boys enjoy a bull-fight while discussing false equivalency, profiting off the afflictions of human beings and talking dogs.
-
What Do You Live For?
Gearheads are annoying! Who's cares what model keyboard you have, can you play the thing? Craig and Jonathan live to live and Scott has to water the plants tomorrow.
-
Pamela and Evelyn
Who were Pamela and Evelyn?
We're indexing this podcast's transcripts for the first time — this can take a minute or two. We'll show results as soon as they're ready.
No matches for "" in this podcast's transcripts.
No topics indexed yet for this podcast.
Loading reviews...
ABOUT THIS SHOW
A Comedian a Musician and a Jew is a podcast featuring comedy, music, philosophy and snarky comment.The cast includes Jonathan Thymius, a nationally recognized comedian who has starred in films, late show television, was a finalist on Last Comic Standing and is always on the verge of something great.Craig is a composer and French Horn player who spent most of his childhood on a New Mexico cattle ranch. Craig moved out west in 1988 to follow his dreams of playing in an orchestra and now lives in Silicon Valley where he spends every waking moment trying to meet his expenses.Bernie is a renowned sperm donor from Denver Colorado. He divides his time between his job in the steel industry and his monkey. Bernie loves riding his bike, scolding his dog for biting people and being too old to attract young women.
HOSTED BY
Jonathan Thymius
Loading similar podcasts...
Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does Monkeys With Matches have?
Monkeys With Matches currently has 67 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is Monkeys With Matches about?
A Comedian a Musician and a Jew is a podcast featuring comedy, music, philosophy and snarky comment.The cast includes Jonathan Thymius, a nationally recognized comedian who has starred in films, late show television, was a finalist on Last Comic Standing and is always on the verge of something...
How often does Monkeys With Matches release new episodes?
Monkeys With Matches has 67 episodes. Check the episode list to see recent publication dates and frequency.
Where can I listen to Monkeys With Matches?
You can listen to Monkeys With Matches on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts Monkeys With Matches?
Monkeys With Matches is created and hosted by Jonathan Thymius.
URL copied to clipboard!