PODCAST · tv
Movie Virgins
by Leah Bross and Lindsey Schaefer
Join Lindsey and Leah as they discuss their sweet, sexy, awkward first times with some of the best and worst that Hollywood has to offer. Each week one virgin pops her movie cherry on a film selected by the other. WARNING: Podcast does not contain actual virgins.
Episodes
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The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
Man, that Jesse’s a dick. But he does, indeed, have the ingredients. Here we speak on the legendary legend and cold reality of Jesse James. We’ve got strong feels that casting Brad Pitt (MO boy) as Jesse James (MO boy) was a good move. And we’re loving Casey Affleck as Bob Ford. Furthermore, let…
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Barbarian
All hail our favorite scream queen, Justin Long! We watched Zach Cregger’s Barbarian, and it’s a damn delight. We dive directly into the continuum of depravity, with detours through Nazi atrocities and Kevin Smith’s Tusk. We talk STL vs Detroit via their Wikipedias. We offer some potentially...
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Hocus Pocus 2
Today we have for you Disney’s latest IP regurge served with a generous helping of the tasty original-recipe masterpiece, 1993’s Hocus Pocus. Make sure to pour one out for the days when witches were inhuman bitches without sloppily crafted backstories. And for dessert, try one of our delicious...
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The Fugitive
Harrison Ford vs Tommy Lee Jones vs Big Pharma! This iconic 90s action movie is so 90s with lots of 90s stuff (*cough* Sela Ward *cough*) happening. That said, is it just your basic white male fantasy about a husband who may or may not have killed his wife a la The Staircase? Tangents include…
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Prey (2022)
Listen as Lindsey recalls her first encounter with the Predator at the tender age of six. Leah speaks of her experience with AVP, the union of two great franchises. We discuss the Predator as allegory for white man’s manifest destiny and the rape of the natural world. And we ask: What are the…
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Ocean’s Eleven (2001)
From the living room rug, Lindsey “Hand Banger” Schaefer and Leah “Lying Shit Mouth” Bross bring you Ocean’s Eleven!* In this episode we ask: Is this remake of a classic a classic? Or is it just a popcorn movie dressed up real nice? Where do we stand on George Clooney: fuck-boy-dickhead or sexy...
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The Northman
How do we love Mr. Eggers and his coming-of-age tales? Let us count the ways…. We’re quite taken by the deliciously violent story of Amleth, as well as the kinda historically accurate portrayal of a flatulent Viking teen under the influence of psychedelics. We discuss the mystery of the butthole...
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No Country for Old Men
Welcome to another VERY SPECIAL EPISODE. And please excuse us while we have a moment…a Josh Brolin moment! We discuss this timeless story written by Cormac McCarthy, as told by the Coen brothers, and in which that dingus kid from Cheers makes good (until he doesn’t). Tangents include Outer Range,...
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Uncut Gems
We're so sad. We're so fucked up…about how little we know about sports betting. But we're really stoked about Adam Sandler's performance in this--hear us out--delightful little rom-com portraying the dangers of gambling addiction. We would die for that Furby! And we're kinda obsessed with Julia…
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Vertical Limit
Give us the dex! So…why are we here? We're here because of Lindsey's weird obsession with this too-long Y2K action flick about summiting K2. Lindsey explores her mountain-climbing dreams; Leah explores her dreams of climbing Chris O'Donnell. And then, much like in the movie, there's lots of heavy...
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Morbius
We're back, baby! And we have for you, dear listener, a VERY SPECIAL EPISODE because we watched Morbius. And wow. Just wow. Lindsey breaks down the science behind this humdinger of a Marvel-vampire (?) flick. Leah has a few things to say about Jordan Catalano's 50-year-old bod (hubba, hubba). And...
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Spring Breakers
We're one year into the pandy, and this is what breaks Lindsey: Harmony Korine's Spring Breakers. (Fact: This is Tarantino's fave film from 2013. Also fact: Tarantino has a dick.) Is it a love story? Is it a tragedy? Either way, Leah found it to be beautiful Shakespearean chaos and Lindsey found…
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Nomadland
In this VERY SPECIAL EPISODE, we describe our first encounters with a film that is a mix of fiction and documentary fact. While that can be a bit off-putting, it doesn't much detract from the beauty and meaningfulness of Chloe Zhao's Nomadland. The lifestyles and people portrayed in this film are...
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Destination Wedding
Keanu and Winona are together again in this delightful film about a joyless turd and a neurotic spinster finding love at a destination wedding. Full of witty dialogue and biting humor, the film turns all our favorite rom-com tropes into laugh-out-loud moments, including a sex scene that makes the...
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Bridesmaids
Welcome to our first ESKIMO SISTERS episode, wherein we discuss our shared carnal knowledge of a film that we both have…experienced. Our first go-round is with Bridesmaids, a movie we have adored for nearly a decade. We talk about why we love the film so much: Melissa McCarthy's breakout...
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Less Than Zero
Less Than Zero, based Bret Easton Ellis' first novel, is a perfect encapsulation of 80s disaffected youth and the LA party scene. Robert Downey Jr.'s portrayal of a drug addict is impressive, but it can't save the film from Andrew McCarthy's milquetoast leading man and the objectively terrible...
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Wonder Woman 1984
Spoilers abound in this VERY SPECIAL EPISODE where we travel back in time - back to the 80s - to discuss our initial reactions to Wonder Woman 1984. And guess what? We didn't hate it. But it did give us a lot of things to think on: the varied portrayals of female and male superheroes, the...
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Bad Santa
Fuck me, Santa! Lindsey and Leah share their feelings, fears, and Santa fetishes while they dish on 2003's Bad Santa. Billy Bob Thornton's Golden Globe-nominated performance as a career criminal mall Santa is peppered with so many delicious and dastardly moments. We've also got lots of love for...
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Sense and Sensibility
Leah introduces Lindsey to Ang Lee's pastoral masterpiece Sense and Sensibility. Emma Thompson's Oscar-winning screenplay is based on Jane Austen's novel of the same name, so there's some discussion of Austen and the Austen hive. But of course, we turn our attentions to the great question asked…
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The Virgin Suicides
The Lisbon sisters are a mysterious mystery to all the boys. Their parents are so strict! The youngest killed herself! And…they menstruate! Real talk: These girls are head-to-toe basic, from their messy bedrooms to their homemade prom dresses. Quiet, introspective Cecilia was the only one in the...
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Home for the Holidays
Jodie Foster offers up some good old-fashioned family drama (trauma?) in her 90s Thanksgiving masterpiece Home for the Holidays, starring Holly Hunter, Robert Downey Jr., and Anne Bancroft. Oh, and there's a little Dylan McDermott romance shoved in there for funzies. Tangents include nostalgia…
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Shaun of the Dead
The undead are roaming the streets, but fear not! Shaun has the perfect plan, and it ends with a nice cold pint at the Winchester. Leah and Lindsey dive into Edgar Wright's 2004 horror-comedy Shaun of the Dead, starring Simon Pegg as the bumbling hero and Nick Frost as his obnoxious but lovable...
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Little Shop of Horrors (1986)
Feed me, Seymour! Feed me! Lindsey introduced Leah to 80s horror-comedy-musical Little Shop of Horrors, which stars the incomparable Rick Moranis. And it was a delight! Aside from dissecting Seymour's motivations, what's aged well in this film, and if you can show this to your kids, we also…
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The Haunting of Bly Manor
Welcome to another VERY SPECIAL EPISODE! Ghost stories, tragic love, creepy British children, and late 80s fashion. The Haunting of Bly Manor is perfectly splendid! Lindsey and Leah binged all 9 episodes of this Netflix series, and there was a lot to discuss: Bly Manor vs Hill House (spoilers for...
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Annihilation
Join us as "Doctor" Lindsey Schaefer delivers her first lecture on cellular autophagy and explains why she'd hug that creepy (yet somehow cuddly) bear monster. We dive deep into our thoughts and feelings on Natalie Portman's eyebrows, as well as what movies and stories terrified us as children…
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Re-Animator
It's a Lovecraftian tale as old as time: boy meets girl, boy falls for girl, boy's roommate kills and raises girl's psycho stalker from the dead, psycho stalker gives new meaning to the phrase "giving head," tentacle chaos ensues, girl dies, boy injects girl with neon yellow science juice.…
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Goodfellas
As far back as she can remember, Lindsey's always loved Goodfellas. And it's been a long damn time because we're celebrating 30 years with this Scorsese classic, which was released on September 21, 1990. The story of Henry Hill's mafia career is violent, sexy, and entertaining as hell. Hot topics...
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365 Days (feat. Textual Tension)
Are you lost, baby girl? If you answered yes or no or maybe so, then you should listen to this episode where we discuss in gruesome detail the "romance" 365 Days with Margie and Rachel from Textual Tension. We answer all your burning questions: Was this movie actually made for men (so. many....
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Saving Private Ryan
Come one, come all to suckle at the teats of pain as Leah and Lindsey discuss Spielberg's 1998 war drama Saving Private Ryan. And the cast! Oh the cast! They've got Hanks, Sizemore, Ribisi, Burns, Goldberg, Damon, Diesel, and last, but certainly not least, Barry FUCKING Pepper. Lindsey reveals…
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Bronco Billy
We're bar room buddies and that's the best kiiiiiiiiiiind! Leah introduces Lindsey to Bronco Billy, an 80s classic starring Clint Eastwood, Sondra Locke, and Scatman Crothers. This film has everything: cowboys and cowgirls, a modern-day train robbery (!), a performance from Merle Haggard & the...
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Thor: Ragnarok
Lindsey introduced Leah to another MCU film, and Leah's mind was opened and suddenly all those memes made sense! We get into the importance of Zeppelin's Immigrant Song to this film (and to Lindsey), our love for Taika Waititi, the badassery of Tessa Thompson, and how adorable it is that Sir...
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Yesterday
If you love the Beatles (like Leah), you'll love this movie (unlike Lindsey). 2019's Yesterday is the story of a struggling musician who wakes up in a world where the Beatles don't exist. We discuss all the things, including: Would the Beatles' music resonate today or are we too obsessed with...
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Without a Paddle
It's The Big Chill for our generation! We watched 2004's Without a Paddle, starring darlings of the silver screen Matthew Lillard, Seth Green, and Dax Shepard. And we did talk about the movie, but we also got a little sidetracked with memories of picking out VHS at the video store, adoration for...
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Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
It's a hero's journey! Lindsey and Leah share their feelings and fears about 2004's stoner comedy Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle. Basically, it's all animal semen and marijuana and battle shits. Leah reveals why White Castle burger patties have holes in them (trade secrets!), and Lindsey…
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Shirley
Elisabeth Moss for the FUCKING win. As we discuss our first times with Shirley (2020), we get into the madness of playing the happy little housewife, how the film inspired Lindsey to write (!), our utter adoration of Shirley and Stanley's relationship (hot lips emoji), and how it feels to be a...
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Teeth
Horror. Absurity. TEETH. We break down our first times with this film about a young woman who has an impressive case of vagina dentata (ie, a toothed vagina). Get comfy 'cause it's about to get really uncomfy as we talk about vag and peen and female bodies and first-time fantasies and sex ed and...
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Mandy (w/ Melissa Powers)
Our queen Melissa Powers joined us to discuss this dreamy horror-action romp starring Nic Cage. Mandy is so many things: sweet romance, culty drama, death, destruction, demon-drug bikers from hell. Not to mention the CHEDDAR GOBLIN! The film is weirdly sexual, so the conversation gets weirdly...
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The Red Sea Diving Resort
In which Lindsey both learns Leah a few tidbits about Beta Israel and confesses that she can't tell time. Why are we here? What are we doing? Can Chris Evans only play the good guy? Tangents include gross-out sports injuries, if we could 127 Hours ourselves out of a bad situation, and the…
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The Invitation
Shit gets weird and culty AF in this 2016 horror-thriller starring Logan Marshall-Green (wearing the shit out of the beard!), Tammy Blanchard (wearing the shit out of that white dress!), and Michiel Huisman (XOXOXO). And Lindsey actually liked it. She liked a movie that Leah picked. She said it...
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Prisoners
Lindsey offers up to Leah Denis Villeneuve's Prisoners so that together they may suckle at the teats of pain. Nursing on that agony milk! Hugh Jackman is hugely jacked, sweet Jakey G plays the dark detective who always gets his man, Melissa Leo is terrifying and unrecognizable, and Viola Davis...
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The Descent
This week Leah introduces Lindsey to the 2006 horror flick The Descent. This movie has everything: a cast chock fulla women, death-defying cave stunts (accompanied by plenty of grunting and groaning), fucking MOLE PEOPLE, and an inexplicable pool of blood. Not to mention the twist ending that's -...
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My Cousin Vinny
Youts! We watched the 90s comedy My Cousin Vinny, and we had so much fun! Between Ralph Macchio's dirt lip, Joe Pesci's killer performance as the titular Vinny, and everything about Marisa Tomei (the hair! the clothes! the attitude!), how could we not? Join us as we break down our first times…
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Titanic (w/ Mike Sheets)
We found the one asshole left on the planet who hadn't seen Titanic, and we popped his cherry! Mike is this week's movie virgin, and he talks us through why (WHY?!) he'd never seen the film, as well as his feelings for Leo (the love!). We also discuss whose sweaty hand is sliding down that steamy...
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Terms of Endearment
Lindsey forced Leah to watch Terms of Endearment because she's a terrible person who delights in making her friends sob into their popcorn. And after all that trauma, Leah feels the only bright spots in this show are Shirley MacLaine and Jack Nicholson's flirtation and eventual hookup. Other than...
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Border (2018)
Lindsey and Leah discuss their first times with this fantastical tale of a customs agent who can smell human emotions. Border is the story of a woman who is searching for the truth about herself and coming to grips with what that truth means. But also this movie has one of the most incredible and...
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The Invisible Man (2020) & What to Watch in Quarantine
Welcome to another VERY SPECIAL EPISODE! And we're talking about…optics! That's because we watched The Invisible Man (2020) starring Elisabeth Moss. This movie left us with so many questions (can Aldis Hodge BE any hotter?), and we had some…interesting reactions to the film. We also dig into our...
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The Memory Distillery Podcast - Sixteen Candles
Hey, people! Go check out The Memory Distillery Podcast with our friends John and Anthony. They invited us over to talk about Sixteen Candles and it. was. awesome! Lindsey, Anthony, and I had a great conversation about this John Hughes classic starring Molly Ringwald, Anthony Michael Hall, and...
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Snowpiercer
It's our first time with a Bong Joon Ho film! And… we loved it! This episode gets a little weird because, well, Snowpiercer is kinda nuts. We're talking cannibalism, train obsessions, that moment with the fish, Tilda Swinton's fabulous turn as the creepy AF Mason, our love for Kang-ho Song's Nam,...
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Speed
Pop quiz, hotshot! There's a bomb on a bus.... Lindsey and Leah discuss the 1994 action flick Speed. And they cover all your burning questions: Is that bus jump realistic? Is any of this movie believable? Has Keanu ever been hotter? Is Sandra Bullock a good actor? Where the heck is Pacoima? There...
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The Bronze
It's gym-nasty! Lindsey and Leah share their thoughts and feelings on this raunchy comedy starring Melissa Rauch as a foul-mouthed ex-gymnast. And just when you think it can't get any more awkward, Lindsey dives deep into her love of gymnastics and her weirdly specific obsession with Sebastian...
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
Join Lindsey and Leah as they discuss their sweet, sexy, awkward first times with some of the best and worst that Hollywood has to offer. Each week one virgin pops her movie cherry on a film selected by the other. WARNING: Podcast does not contain actual virgins.
HOSTED BY
Leah Bross and Lindsey Schaefer
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does Movie Virgins have?
Movie Virgins currently has 65 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is Movie Virgins about?
Join Lindsey and Leah as they discuss their sweet, sexy, awkward first times with some of the best and worst that Hollywood has to offer. Each week one virgin pops her movie cherry on a film selected by the other. WARNING: Podcast does not contain actual virgins.
How often does Movie Virgins release new episodes?
Movie Virgins has 65 episodes. Check the episode list to see recent publication dates and frequency.
Where can I listen to Movie Virgins?
You can listen to Movie Virgins on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts Movie Virgins?
Movie Virgins is created and hosted by Leah Bross and Lindsey Schaefer.
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