PODCAST · tv
Myopia Movies
by Nic Hoffmann
“Welcome to Season 13 of Myopia Movies! Each week, we dive back into the iconic films of the ’80s and ’90s that defined our youth, questioning the nostalgia and Blockbuster-induced myths we’ve held onto for decades. Do these classics truly hold up, or were our memories just playing tricks on us? Tune in as we put our childhood favorites to the ultimate test!”
Episodes
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House (Hausu, Japan, 1977)
This week on Myopia Movies, we accept an invitation to Auntie’s house, which is a mistake, because Auntie’s house is hungry. Nobuhiko Obayashi’s 1977 Japanese horror-comedy follows Gorgeous and her six schoolmates (Kung Fu, Prof, Fantasy, Melody, Mac, and Sweetie, because subtlety was not on the...
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Don't Look Under the Bed
Something is rotten in Middleton, and everyone thinks it’s Frances. Pranks are piling up across town, the adults are furious, and the only person who believes her innocent is a childhood imaginary friend who has shown up unannounced with some alarming news: the Boogeyman is real, he’s loose, and...
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Phantoms (1998)
A whole town has vanished. Snowfield, Colorado, is empty except for a few corpses, a ringing phone, and a vibe that says "don't touch anything." Naturally, we touch everything. This week we riff on Phantoms, the 1998 adaptation of Dean Koontz's horror novel. Two sisters (Joanna Going and Rose...
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Chicago (2002)
Six women charges with murder in Cook County and somehow they're the ones putting on the show. This week we're strapping ourselves into fishnets and existential dread for Rob Marshall's musical about murder, media, and the sweet, sweet payoff of celebrity homicide. Renée Zellweger discovers that...
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Showgirls
Nomi Malone wants to dance. She wants it so bad she'll claw, thrust, and pool-vomit her way from a Vegas diner to the top of the Stardust Casino's marquee show — and we're along for every glitter-caked, oddly joyless step of it. Paul Verhoeven and Joe Eszterhas set out to make the ultimate NC-17...
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Coyote Ugly
A movie about a songwriter who is too shy to sing, solved by putting her on a bar in wet jeans. Violet Sanford flees New Jersey for Manhattan with a demo tape and roughly nine dollars, gets robbed, gets hired at a saloon whose entire business model is "hydrate the patrons against their will," and...
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Mean Girls Remastered
We're digging into the vault for this one. The Plastics are back, Gretchen is still trying to make fetch happen, and so are we. Join us as we revisit our take on the 2004 teen comedy that somehow became both a cultural touchstone and a Broadway musical — because Hollywood ran out of ideas and...
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Ginger Snaps
This week on Myopia Movie, we got a full moon coming up! We watched Ginger Snaps, where a Canadian teenager gets bitten by a werewolf on the same night she gets her first period...turns out puberty was always kind of a horror movie, we just needed the claws to make it official. Want to pick a…
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Encino Man
Two California teens dig a hole in the backyard looking for a swimming pool and instead unearth a frozen Neanderthal, thaw him out with a hair dryer, and enroll him in high school. It works about as well as you'd expect. Brendan Fraser grunts his way through his big-screen debut as "Link," Pauly...
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Jawbreaker (1999)
This week on Myopia Movie, we got a candy-coated murder cover-up coming up! We watched Jawbreaker, where three impossibly glamorous high school mean girls accidentally kill their best friend with a birthday prank gone wrong and then spend the rest of the movie handling it with all the grace and...
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Can't Hardly Wait
This week on Myopia Movies, we got a yearbook coming up! We watched Can't Hardly Wait, where a lovesick teenager spends an entire graduation party trying to work up the nerve to talk to his crush...turns out 1998 had a lot of feelings about the last day of high school and a surprising number of...
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Pumping Iron
Before he was terminating cyborgs or governing California, Arnold Schwarzenegger was just a well-oiled Austrian oak with a plan and a truly alarming amount of confidence. This week we strap into George Butler and Robert Fiore's landmark bodybuilding documentary, where men in tiny shorts pursue...
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Super Size Me
This week on Myopia Movie, we got a value meal coming up! We watched Super Size Me, where a documentarian eats nothing but McDonald's for 30 days straight...turns out "would you like to supersize that" was less of a question and more of a warning. Want to pick a movie we do an episode on and…
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The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters (Fixed)
This week on Myopia Movie, we got a kill screen coming up! We watched The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters, where a middle school science teacher sets a record against a hot sauce magnate on a standee arcade machine...millennials, eat your heart out. Want to pick a movie we do an episode on…
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American Movie
This week we start season 13 in earnest as we talk a month of documentaries! We watched American Movie, a film about being creative, the American Dream, and keeping the Surge nice and chilled. RIP to Uncle Billy! This week on Myopia Movies, we're trading the usual fictional disasters for a...
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Independence Day (1996) Revisited
Welcome to Season 13!!!!! This week on Myopia Movies we celebrate the 4th of July and America's 250th Anniversary the only way we know how, by watching most of it be destroyed. That's right, we watched Germany's most Patriotic American Roland Emmerich's Independence Day (1996), the most badass a...
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Independence Day: Resurgence - Summer Reruns
This week on Myopia Movies, we return to a world that once united humanity… and immediately wonder if we should have just let the aliens win the first time. It’s Independence Day: Resurgence, the long-awaited sequel that answers the question: “What if we did the same movie again, but louder and...
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Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home - Summer Reruns
This week on Myopia Movies, we boldly go… to 1986 San Francisco. Yes, this week's summer rerun is Star Trek IV, the one where the fate of the galaxy depends on two humpback whales and the crew’s ability to not completely blow their cover in the past (they fail immediately). Join us as we explore...
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Watchmen - Summer Reruns
This week on Myopia Movies, we put on the mask, stare into the abyss, and then complain about the lighting. We dust off a paywall episode this week as we watch Watchmen—the most philosophical superhero movie ever made, or at least the one most likely to assign you homework afterward. Join us as…
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Casino Royale (Daniel Craig) - Summer Reruns
This week on Myopia Movies, we finally gamble big on Bond—real Bond. We dust off a previously paywalled episode as we’re talking high-stakes poker, parkour chases that feel like a personal insult to your hamstrings, and a version of 007 who bleeds, broods, and looks like he might actually lose a...
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AI - Artificial Intelligence
This week on Myopia Movies, we're going full existential crisis with A.I. Artificial Intelligence — the 2001 Spielberg film based on the project Stanley Kubrick spent decades developing and wisely never finished. It's got everything you'd expect from a Spielberg joint: a family torn apart by...
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Indian in the Cupboard
Welcome to another episode of Myopia Movies, where we dig through the dusty toy chest of childhood nostalgia to explain colonialism to kids and ask the important question: “Was this actually magical… or did we all just really want to own tiny murder-capable action figures?” This week, we’re...
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Child's Play 3
This week on Myopia Movies, we head back to military school where the uniforms are crisp, the cadets are angry, and somehow Chucky has access to live ammunition. It’s Child's Play 3 — the movie that asks, “What if summer camp, toxic masculinity, and a killer doll all collided in the least...
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Mannequin
Welcome to another episode of Myopia Movies, where we ruin your childhood one VHS tape at a time. This week, we’re stepping into the neon-lit fever dream that is Mannequin — a movie that asks the important question: “What if a department store mannequin came to life… and immediately dated Andrew...
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RoboCop (1987)
This week, we head to the crime-ridden dystopia of Detroit where corporations rule, criminals laugh like maniacs, and the solution to urban decay is… a heavily armed cyborg cop with excellent posture. Join Nic, Matthew, Keiko, Nur, and Alex as they revisit RoboCop (1987), Paul Verhoeven’s...
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War Games (1983)
This week on Myopia Movies, we learn that the only way to win is not to play. We watched War Games, a delightful romp about the apocalypse. Ally Sheedy is, like, stooping the whole time to make Matthew Broderick look taller than her, right? 🎙️ Thanks for listening, subscribing, and supporting…
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Transcendence
This week on Myopia Movies, we watch Marvel's own Jarvis/Vision fight to stop AI by trying to stop Johnny Depp. It's not as fun as that sounds. We watched Transcendence (2014), wow this movie can't event decide if AI or Johnny Depp is a bad guy. You'd think people would have an opinion at this...
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APEX (1994)
This week, Myopia Movies kicks off an AI-themed month by diving straight into the bargain bin with A.P.E.X.—a time-traveling, robot-infested mess that wants desperately to be The Terminator and somehow ends up worse than a Power Rangers outtake. Nick, Matt, and Keiko try to untangle a plot...
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Super Mario Brothers (1993) Revisited
Welcome back to Myopia Movies, where we revisit the films of our youth and ask the important question: Were these movies actually good… or were we just children? And today—Oh boy. In honor of the release of Super Mario Galaxy, today we are revisiting Super Mario Bros. from 1993. A film that…
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Jurassic Park Rebirth (2025)
This week on Myopia Movies, we watch yet another Jurassic Park/World Movie! Who will attempt to act with this idiotic script? Is this the dumbest new dino yet? Was it worth it to save this family? Why do we keep doing this? Sigh...... Want to pick a movie we do an episode on and record a special...
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The Electric State
This week on Myopia Movies, we plug directly into the algorithmic void with one of the most expensive “what happened here?” movies in recent memory: The Electric State (2025). This is the kind of film that looks incredible in still images—rusted robots, abandoned highways, that eerie retro-future...
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War of the Worlds (2025)
“This movie feels like a ChatGPT movie if there’s ever been one.” This week on Myopia Movies, the gang continues its tour through the worst films of the previous year with 2025’s War of the Worlds—a baffling, screen-filled sci-fi mess that somehow turns an NSA analyst played by Ice Cube into...
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Snow White (2025)
This week on Myopia Movies, we kick off our annual dive into some of the worst movies of the previous year. And we are starting with a real doozy: the live-action 2025 remake of Snow White. This is one of those films that somehow manages to miss why the original worked in the first place. The...
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Cruel Intentions
This month we revisit Cruel Intentions, the film that asked, “What if Dangerous Liaisons… but everyone shops at Abercrombie?” Schemes! Staircases! Smirks that could cut glass! Where impossibly wealthy teenagers treat Manhattan like a chessboard and human emotions like a hobby. It’s seduction,...
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Scream 2
This week on Myopia Movies, we sharpen the knife and head back to Woodsboro in honor of Scream 7 slashing into theaters. That’s right — we revisited Scream 2, the sequel to a horror classic we genuinely love… and enrolled ourselves in Sequel Class to figure out what went wrong. More meta? Yes.…
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The Craft
This week as we continue the erotic thrillers month, we get a little witchy. We watched The Craft, the second best Neve Campbell and Skeet Ulrich of 1996, see the previous episode. Want to pick a movie we do an episode on and record a special commentary just for you? Purchase something from our...
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Behind the Scenes
This week on Myopia Movies, we give you a peak behind the curtains as we try to explain how we do what we do on the podcast and the Cineprov live show. From a veteran, a young gun, and a newbie. Host: Nic Panel: Nur and Keiko. Want to pick a movie we do an episode on and record a special…
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Congo (Rerelease)
This week on Myopia Movies, we dig something out of the trash! Not the episode, of course, but the movie! Listen to episode 58 Congo remastered nine years later! Man, we have been doing this too long. Watch CGI Gorillas for no good reason! Want to pick a movie we do an episode on and record a...
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Wild Things
This week on Myopia Movies, we continue our Erotic Thrillers month with the spiciest 27 year old high schoolers you have ever seen! We watched Wild Things, one of the most paused VHS tapes in history. Want to pick a movie we do an episode on and record a special commentary just for you? Purchase...
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Traces of Red
This week we start a slew of Erotic Thrillers with the first name you think of when you think erotic and thriller, Jim Belushi. We watched Traces of Red! A trashy movie set in the swamps of Florida. Want to pick a movie we do an episode on and record a special commentary just for you? Purchase...
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Con Air
Hey everybody, welcome back to Myopia Movies. This week we’re tackling an action-silly Nicolas Cage classic: Con Air. And honestly—if you’ve never seen it before, I almost want to tell you to stop and watch it first… but our discussion is good enough that you’ll survive either way. Fair warning:...
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Mitchell
This week on Myopia Movies, we learn a valuable cinematic lesson: you can be absolutely slovenly and still be the hero of a movie. We watched Mitchell. Yes, that Joe Don Baker vehicle, where our rumpled, sweat-soaked protagonist somehow gets the girl… and then has her arrested for prostitution....
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Doom (2005)
This week on Myopia Movies we celebrate the New Year with a movie set in that very year, I am about as optimistic about this year as the title of the film. We watched Doom, a terrifying portent of things to come. How will DOOM hold up? Host: Nic Panel: Keiko Directed by Andrzej Bartkowiak…
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Ernest Saves Christmas
Enjoy this early Christmas Present! This week on Myopia Movies, someone needs to save Christmas and we know just the corporate spokesman, know-what-I-mean? We watched Ernest Saves Christmas, Animal Control and Air Traffic Control in the same film?!?!?! Vern... How will Ernest Saves Christmas hold...
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Avatar
This week on Myopia Movies, we watched the classic story where an outsider falls in love with an indigenous person and tries to protect them and their land. Ok, not Pocahontas, no, not Ferngully. Ok, not original, but valuable property that somehow earned itself a land in Disney World and now has...
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Eight Crazy Nights
This week on Myopia Movies, we watch an entire town kick around a illiterate little person for 75 minutes. We watched Eight Crazy Nights, we tried to keep it festive, but Adam Sandler giving a TBI to the protagonist after the musical number about how great the mall is, was the best we could do....
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Jingle all the Way
This week on Myopia Movies, we watch a millennial Christmas Classic, Jingle All The Way! Bathe in the 1990s nostalgia as we visit trampling people for toys, malls, and toy stores. Also, Phil Hartman's masterclass on seducing a woman away from Arnold. How will Jingle All The Way hold up? Host: Nic...
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Man of Steel
This week on Myopia Movies, we learn how the world became entranced with Henry Cavill and started to fall out with Zack Snyder. We watched Man of Steel home to the world's most vindictive Pa Kent and the one where Superman kills thousands in his final fight. Happy Thanksgiving from us at Myopia…
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Return to Oz
First, take a beloved musical from the 1930s and let it age on a shelf for forty-plus years. Second, strip out all the songs. Third, turn it into a waking nightmare. This week on Myopia Movies, we dove into Return to Oz! Isn’t it delightful when Creepy Kids Month syncs perfectly with a…
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The Ring (2002, USA)
"Like no one has ever been, like, aroused by close up magic, right? You're just like, ah, wow. That was my card. My God, where did that ball go? Who knows? Can I just pay for my, like, mozzarella sticks" - Nic This week, Myopia Movies continue Creepy Kid Movie Month with The Ring — the iconic,...
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
“Welcome to Season 13 of Myopia Movies! Each week, we dive back into the iconic films of the ’80s and ’90s that defined our youth, questioning the nostalgia and Blockbuster-induced myths we’ve held onto for decades. Do these classics truly hold up, or were our memories just playing tricks on us? Tune in as we put our childhood favorites to the ultimate test!”
HOSTED BY
Nic Hoffmann
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does Myopia Movies have?
Myopia Movies currently has 482 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is Myopia Movies about?
“Welcome to Season 13 of Myopia Movies! Each week, we dive back into the iconic films of the ’80s and ’90s that defined our youth, questioning the nostalgia and Blockbuster-induced myths we’ve held onto for decades. Do these classics truly hold up, or were our memories just playing tricks on us?...
How often does Myopia Movies release new episodes?
Myopia Movies publishes regularly with 482 episodes available. Check the episode list for the typical release schedule.
Where can I listen to Myopia Movies?
You can listen to Myopia Movies on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts Myopia Movies?
Myopia Movies is created and hosted by Nic Hoffmann.
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