Nearly Non Fiction

Just because everywhere you look you see dog piss, it doesn't mean that the world is covered in it.... or does it?

How do you take your Coffee? I'll have mine with 2 teaspoons of free will and Jenkem on the side please.

Wondering why your children's educations are suffering? Maybe we should bring back a few lessons from the past.....and incorporate some BINGO for God's sake.

Too busy to make dinner? Too tired to eat it? Let your new FOOP multi-appliance do both with surprisingly satisfying results!

Hurry hard ladies! Who's calling the shots anyway?

Open up your ear holes and breathe deeply the heady funk of billionaires.

Hey there! You sound nice. Earn as much as $15K a month from the comfort of your home. Just answer my @#!@&!$ text. Luv ya. Lucy.

It's hard to know who to trust in politics anymore, but CFI Cares.

Things get hot and spicy at the Smithers Town Council meeting when Gary Schetner attempts to pitch a replacement for the town’s Swiss decorative theme.

What's singular, idiosyncratic and fits inside a Tim Hortons cup? Spoiler: it might make you want to bang your cousin.

Not all endings are happy, but that won't stop the league from trying to give you one.

The world is so noisy, it's nice when you can actually get a real person on the line.

ASMR. Misophonia. Farting. Indulge in a cacophony of sound guaranteed to make you ask yourself “What the f*** did I just listen to”? (earplugs recommended)

Look around you, you see all those trees? You think they just magically appeared? Think again!

Clap backs and ad busts - Gary's at it again.

Ever wonder what mysteries and miracles manifest in the space that exists beyond the suffocating confines of our 3D universe? Peak-a-boo, It’s money (and pizza).

It's back! And it's making community with a vengeance.

Sandra's items are ready to move! Well, except for that. And that. And that, you know what? Just put it all back.

Breath.Strength.Perineum Sunburns...

Now with fish sauce!

Prove you're a leader by following the Steve Tabor Institute of New Knowledge.

Never get invited to a party again! Guaranteed.

Containers as far as the eye can see filled with opportunity, freedom...and other disposable garbage.

He's the patriarch of the paranormal, the apostle of alien encounters, the translator of time travel. He is at the centre of every crop circle and puts the 'phenom' in phenomenon.This is Close to Coast with Gym Tocsin.

Sandra Gilcrest is a purrfectly sane cat-lover. She just doesn't see why dogs and dog-owners have blatantly received favouritism from cross country ski centres across the country. Here in the north, Sandra and BV XC Ski Club President Simon Martin (along with Trevor, her Himalayan long-hair) are levelling the playing field for xc and xcat lovers.   Written by Patrick Williston Voice acting by Greg Young, Ichabod De La Rue and Pam Haasen Edited by Q Produced by Haasen Pod  

When you really think about it, bureaucracy is a pwetty wittle word!     Written, edited and produced by Haasen Pod. Voice work by Pam Haasen, Patrick Williston, Ichabod De La Rue and Greg Young    

What is or isn't the PULSINATOR? The possibilites of this multi-use tool are endless! Act now and get PULSINATED!     Written by Patrick Williston with voice work by Ichabod De La Rue, Greg Young, Patrick Williston, Pam Haasen and introducing Mika Hirano. Edited and produced by Haasen Pod  

My Crotch Is Not A Seat - as much a slogan (and charming acronym) as it is a way of life. The shred is gnarly on this one, bro. Ichabod De La Rue dissects the severed history between man and bar.   Written by Ichabod De La Rue Voice work by Ichabod, Patrick Willison, and Greg Young. Edited and produced by Haasen Pod

Join us at the Smithers Professional Association of Zen, the ultimate in mindful, stress-free, zen-ish, calmly practice and you can take that to the bank, brother!   Written by Ichabod De La Rue Voice work by Ichabod, Greg Young, Pam Haasen, and Patrick Williston Edited by Q Produced by Haasen Pod

Gary Schetner, owner, CEO, and outgoing package labeller for the Canadian Freedom Initiative has a sweet new proposal for the Bulky Valley in British Columbia for Triple Cherry Mine, a sure winner from a proven player!   Written by Patrick Willison Voice by Ichabod De La Rue and Greg Young. Edited by Q Produced by Haasen Pod

In this documentary, an artist struggles to find his place in the wide world of high culture with only a can-do attitude and some googly eyes!   Written by Pam Haasen Voice Acting by Pam, Ichabod De La Rue, Greg Young, Patrick Willison and Mika Hirano. Edited and Produced by Haasen Pod

Hey guys, too lazy to get ripped this summer? Forget the sweat, and just get your butt into a pair of Kumgudders ©CanadianFreedomInitiative, Inc. Kumgudders will get your bod from dud to thud (that's the sound of your lover pushing you up against the wall of your messy, dirty, dirty apartment.   Written by Ichabod De La Rue Voice work by Ichabod, Pam Haasen and Greg Young Edited by Q Produced by Haasen Pod

Ichabod and Gary go head-to-head in this culminating interview never before heard! Will Ichabod finally get a clear answer from Gary Schetner, CEO, President, and former outgoing Package Labeller of ©CanadianFreedomInitiative, LLC? Will Gary remember Ichabod's name? Find out right here on this breaking news story by S-I-C-K News.   Written by Ichabod De La Rue Voice work by Ichabod and Greg Young. Edited and Produced by Haasen Pod

Gary Schetner, President, CEO and Outgoing Package Labeller for the Canadian Freedom Initiative sits down with intrepid news reporter Ichabod De La Rue to discuss the exciting new pipeline proposal in the Bulky Valley.   Narrated by Ichabod De La Rue Additional voicework by Greg Young Produced by Haasen Pod Funded by the Bulkley Valley Commuity Arts Council

History Revealed: How the Bulkley Valley curdled under the pressure of the Dairy Boom (and bust) of 1918. The story of Jebidiah's quest for unpasturized power and the demise of a Dairy Dynasty.   Narrated by Ichabod De La Rue Additional voicework by Greg Young Produced by Haasen Pod Funding by the Bulkley Valley Community Arts Council

If one seeks the answer to the whole, one must not look further than the donut hole. -Tim Hortons' ghost   Narrated by Pamela Haasen Produced by Haasen Pod Funded by the Bulkley Valley Community Arts Council

Introducing the Canadian Freedom Initiative: Pioneering a New Era of Progressive Thoughts, Trials in Bettership and Un-tread Rights The Canadian Freedom Initiative proudly emerges as a trailblazer in the world of corporate innovation, ushering in a paradigm shift with its groundbreaking commitment to conventional subterfuge. In a bold departure from traditional communication strategies, CFI shines as a beacon of red tapery. At the heart of the Initiative's philosophy lies a commitment to unrestricted banality, and maintaining the status quo in comfort and luxury. In an era dominated by overt declarations and transparent narratives, the Canadian Freedom Initiative embraces the power of hoopla, cultivating a sense of wan observation that fuels the engine of stasis. Join us on this prideful journey into charted territory, as the Canadian Freedom Initiative leads the way towards a future shaped not by rigid definitions, but by the waffling potential of the uncaring. The adventure begins now, as we collectively redefine the meaning of progress and forge a path toward a hazy, more indistinct tomorrow.   Canadian Freedom Initiative, LLC ("Company, "we" or "us") has developed these Terms of Use to describe the terms that govern your use of foodkakke.wtf, foodkakkebusiness.cum, foodkakkenation.webb, cfinews.mobi, m.cfibusiness.com, the Foodkakke application, the CFI Nestle application, the CFI Choco Curds product, the Sloppy Seconds News Co. and any Company branded URL, WAP site and mobile application and other content and services that link to these Terms of Use (collectively the "Company Sites"). The services Company provides on Company Sites include messaging services, video services, Nanny cams, RRS feeds, podcasting services, hot dog carts, mobile services, text messaging campaigns, and any other feature, content or application offered from time to time by Company (collectively, the "Company Services"). Company is based in the United States and the Company Services are hosted in the United States.

What? You scroll past the links with promising WORK FROM HOME career offers? Your loss. Don't cry into your latte, bestie. It'll ruin the foam art!   Narrated by Pamela Haasen Additional voicework by Ichabod De La Rue and Greg Young Produced by Haasen Pod Music by freemusicarchive.org Funding by the Bulkley Valley Community Arts Council

Hot on the tails of the Berklee College of Music Songwriting Competition, Mayor Van Bruuts needed a claim to fame.  Finally an answer as to why Smithereens love their noontime siren.   Narrated by Pamela Haasen Additional voice work by Greg Young and Ichabod De La Rue Produced by Haasen Pod Bath Time For Cutie Pie by The Handsome Pand Band Railroadin' by Ichabod De La Rue et Monsieur Somberlio Funding for this episode was provided by The Bulkley Valley Commuity Arts Council

Are you a writer? Are you lazy? Have you procrastinated today? Did you just scroll away? Well don't!  The scientists* at the Canadian Freedom Initiative have found a program to help would-be writers finish part of their manuscript to bring with you to parties and show off to friends! This Procrastiwriting Workshop will teach you to put pen to paper in due time.   Produced by Haasen Pod Voicework by Greg Young Written by Ichabody De La Rue

Welcome to Nearly Non Fiction.A show about history that could have happened by people who could have been there, but it didn't and they weren't.Nearly Non Fiction was funded in part by the Bulkley Valley Communcity Arts Council in Smithers, British Columbia.