Nerd Poker

What's that? Something that smells bad is SNORING? Kill it dead! For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more, be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com

Time to get past this narrow series of traps and get out of this stupid underground tower. Who puts a tower underground, a Baldur's Gate 3 NPC? For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more, be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com

The new crew goes over their loot, and realizes that yeah, maybe we barter away the cursed stuff before we plunge deep underground. And if bartering doesn't work, at least scrape the curse off our boots. For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more, be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com  

We officially meet the new crew, as they gear up for an adventure deep beneath the Underdark, to the Lost City of Blith, where there is an entire civilization's worth of loot, but all who enter are rumored to become cursed with de-evolution. Who will the leader, er, Brian's character be? For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more, be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com

It's time to run a campaign victory lap by raiding a worm-filled house, and set up our next campaign... The Cavern Campaign, starting next week! For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more, be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com

Will the Ding Dong Danglers die or will they survive to see another ding dong day?! For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more, be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com  

Everyone is running out of spell slots, and some of them are going down every turn. Someone crit! Also: we are very sorry for the late delivery; touring and SDCC interfered with our schedule. For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more, be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com

Oh right, we're on a bunch of mansions, let's get this whole mansion courtyard ripped up while we kill Captain Wormy! For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more, be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com

We just might beat the worm god as long as nobody lets themselves get hit with a worm explosion. Whoops... that's actually a very likely scenario. For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com

Sure, we're fighting a cosmic worm horror, but also it's time to talk about what Cat Action will be taken on Blaine's turn. For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com

What's that? A giant pile of murder worms? Dan must be trying to trick us and it's really a nice lil' NPC. Let's attack it! For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com

You know what, it's a very silly episode... so like... what even IS a bard? What is a paladin- oh wait, its name is "that guy Gerry played." We didn't forget! For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com  

Now that we're back on the ground, it's time to tidy up this heist business and celebrate! Unless, well, we want to do something about the swarms of possession worms first? Maybe? For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com

Sorry to leave the Ding Dong Danglers hanging! They shot up into the sky, well over 100 feet in the air, and don't have Feather Fall to bail them out. So we wanted to save the mad scramble for meta-gaming until... now! For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com

Big bad 1 dead, big bad 2 dead, now just to escape the entire ocean that's rapidly rocketing up the rumps of the Ding Dong Danglers.  For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com

Well it's one thing to kill a leviathan, but hey, we can't forget to swim up to the cavern's um... hole... so we can escape, too.  For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com

The lich queen is starting to get her bony pelvis handed to her, and at long last, "the two fingers" are finally in use at good old Episode 71. For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com

The Ding Dong Danglers, if we can call them that, continue to smack the lich around while the leviathan gobbles up the fishfolk. Also, oh Episode 70. Remember 69? And Episode 71 is so far away, by which we mean only one finger is in use right now. For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com

We're down to our last two fish people, and one of them might be dinner. Also EPISODE 69 LOLOLOL (nice) For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com

The water continues to rise in the massive underground (and soon to be underwater) chamber. As the Ding Dong Danglers battle a lich and a god at the same time, it feels like a leveling up will be in order if they survive this. For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com

We're finally locked in combat with the Lich Thief Queen and this worm god / leviathan. Luckily our team has a CAT FISH. For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com

The Undercity beneath Dellsmouth is collapsing! Time for the classic debate: swim underwater through froghemoth-infested slime, or swim the way back with our heads occaisonally above water and dodge a dead leviathan god. For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com

We're recording this week at Brian's and will have a new one next week!

You know what's creepy? Jars full of lich parts. But you know what we love? Big skulls trying to get our attention. Definitely not a trap.  For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com

A glorious return to Brian's house, as we deal with the lich flayer and... The Bride! Okay it's not officially the undead mind flayer's spouse, but it's fun to pretend it is. For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com

Oh, you know, it's just another one of those classic "mind flayer lich and the bride of the mind flayer lich" situations! For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com

Just when you think you've made friends with some friendly vines who can pin down the haunted coffin, said coffin wiggles free and smashes open. This corpse must be a real jerk! For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Time to bust down some walls before the talking murder coffin tricks us into opening it! For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Hey, what's a little psychic memory altering amongst chill adventurers? There's definitely something super chill in the mind-flayer coffin. Have a looksee! For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

This chitinous alien key and this chitinous door in the quietest corner of the murder dungeon will certainly lead to a room full of lollipops and moonbeams, there can be no doubt. Yep. Let's definitely open the door without really thinking or talking about it and then stride right in there. Like you do. For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Hey hey hey, let's head to that sweet lil' loot room in the south west... wait, WHAT is in all the hallways?! For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

What do we do when an NPC is silent? We light em up! Ok ok ok, he's in a death dungeon being creepy, but still we're just gonna light him up before we see his face or anything that could tell us who they are (boring!). For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

The Ding Dong Danglers eye their loot, and encounter a very sheepish and non-threatening door, which of course makes the door creepy and terrifying. For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Deep in the Undercity, the Ding Dong Danglers (official name) creep closer and closer to sick loot and lich murder. And yes, Nerd Poker, where even the traps are passive-aggressive! For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.  

The Ding Dong Danglers emerge from their rest ready for GOODIES in the northwest of the Undercity of Dellsmouth. But they must face... DOORS. For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

To the northwest, either an undead thief wizard, a worm god, or trayzure. To the southwest... same. Will the Ding Dong Danglers survive this encounter with a pile of fleshy whoopie-cushions? For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Trayzure ahoy! Now, a short rest before we head into the hallway, where Dan DEFINITELY doesn't have sloppy wet body horror stomping around. For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Well, most of the fish army we brought with us is cooked now, but hey, there's a whole room of possible trayzure on the other side of that wall!  For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.  

While the murlocs- ahem- kuo'toa continue to drop, the Ding Dong Danglers begin to recall that they are not just detectives and thieves- their abilities allow them to do a ridiculous amount of damage. Enjoy the festive carnage! Apologies for the late release, it was a struggle to align schedules between TV shows and flights. For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

The swamp monsters are munching and crunching on our fish army! Oh boogers. For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Now that the slime has come to life and started to strangle our little fish army, it has become apparent that "shortcut" still means "battalion of monsters standing in front of the weak destructible wall." For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Now that we've gone Full Metal on the disintegration statue, let's bust out that magic-shortcut map case and bullet line it to the end of this map. Screw caution, as-the-crow-flies convenience wins every time!  For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Now that we're in the Undercity, it's time for the heist... and maybe destruction of evil. As the corridor looms, Roll20 also implodes. But we have a lovely lich's tomb to explore, and what is definitely a super chill statue in a super chill tiny corridor to just strut past. For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.  

Well, we're about to bid the fog of the Fog Campaign farewell (for now?) as we gather supplies for the mud hole plunge. With a well-armed militia of fish folk, we head into the pitch-black depths of the Dellsmouth Undercity. Where there is definitely not going to be a TPK like there just was in our Patreon bonus campaign (whoopsie doodle). For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Now that we're settled into our new lives as thief kings, maybe we should look into what that means. One big heist is left, and it might be useful to understand if we already won the campaign, you know? Nah. Into the mudhole we go! For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Now that we've burned a bunch of people alive no questions asked, let's loot their corpses! Wait... hey how come their corpses are gripping their loot, we burned it off of them fair and square! For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

Nothing like the smell of a smoldering barracks! Those pesky elves and humans were even creepier than the kua toa (probably) so we finally locked them in a building and burned them to a crips. Hooray for zero consequences! Just a good old fashioned Nerd Poker "set it all on fire" episode. For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.  

Time to square things away with Phillip the Plank. Except... um.... we kind of deliberately burned down what he wanted. Time for some last minute improvising regarding whether we want the fish mob boss as an ally or not! For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

We're back in person! The gang has just blown up a bunch of cultists and then nuked the worms in their bodies, now it's time to comb through the evil library in their sanctum and find some treats!  For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.

This teleporting sack of worms isn't just annoying, it's kinda kicking Lil' Peepers's ass. But if you have been waiting for an extra dramatic death, this episode has a very special treat inside! Take a bite and enjoy! For 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker . For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com.