PODCAST · comedy
Not If I Reboot You First!
by Corner Podcast Network
Hollywood keeps on rebooting everything over and over again, and always seems to get it wrong. So Tanner and Lindsay have decided to get one step ahead of them and reboot everything themselves! Through reboots, remakes, sequels, adaptations, and other weird scenarios, these two are gonna change it all for better or worse - which, sometimes, is still better.
Episodes
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280: Tanner Psychoanalyzes the Mask [The Mask]
Somebody stop us! Tanner's rebooting The Mask, but they're pulling more from the comic this time! A little. There's still some original stuff, and some movie influence, but the key thing is that they wanna make Big Head personal and chaotic and incompetent. We also discuss a lion with a full set…
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279: Lindsay Makes a Love Island Murder Mystery [And Then There Were None]
When Agatha Christie's magnum opus has seemingly already been adapted to the most faithful degree ten years ago, what's Lindsay left with but putting her own spin on it? She's mixing together reality tv, found footage, and a cast of just the worst people you've ever seen to give this classic...
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278: Tanner and Lindsay Split the Party Again [Penny Dreadful Season Three]
The Penny finally drops in this, the (originally) final season of Penny Dreadful...but Tanner and Lindsay can't let it go out like this! Unfortunately they also don't have a lot to chew on with the source material this time around, so it'll take a bit for them to get going. Will they be able to...
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277: Lindsay and Tanner Answer a Televisual Universe of Questions
As we reach the end of our 8th year of podcasting, we look back on what they've accomplished while answering questions from our friends and viewers! Time to find out what mediums are left to reboot, how to keep a creative partnership strong, and what's tasting scrumptious these days. You can find...
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276: Riley Yards in the Ancient Imperial Midwest [Romance of the Three Kingdoms]
Kids, don't try this at home. Or do! Today Riley's teaching Tanner and Lindsay all about backyard wrestling, the drama that spins out of that, and how it's pretty similar to the noble intrigue of the Romance of the Three Kingdoms. We're talking baptism matches, we're stealing a horse that's a…
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275: Theo's Got Brad Bird Tied Up in the Corner of his Room [Incredibles 2]
When it comes to sequels, Brad Bird chose poorly. Theo's brought a full vision of a better Incredibles sequel for this episode, and while we start changing it up pretty quickly, it sparks a lot of fun things for us to talk about - the inevitability of a political message being misconstrued, how…
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274: Sky Just Wants Brendan Fraser to Have a Good Time [The Dark Universe]
Welcome to a new podcast about the Dark Universe - for this week, at least. Our friend Sky makes his inaugural appearance to reboot Universals repeatedly failed attempt at cinematic worldbuilding by going back to where it all should've began - 1999's The Mummy. Can Rick, Evy, and Jonathan fight a...
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273: Tanner's Getting Some Nausicaä Vibes From This [Giant Spider & Me]
Tanner's never seen Nausicaä, this is the opposite of Boss Baby. But we are discussing a story about a young girl living in nature, on good terms with a post-apocalyptic arthropod! So let's turn this short-lived manga into an anime while discussing raccoon domestication, exploding a secret...
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272: Lindsay is CHALLENGED to Re-Gay These Hitmen [The Mechanic]
Discussion of suicide from 33:40 - 34:35. Lindsay has been challenged to take a fascinating, albeit dark, movie from 1972 - not 2011, we don't care about Jason Statham playing Jason Statham. No, the man of the day is Charles Bronson, and we're gonna let him engage in full-blown toxic yaoi with…
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271: Tanner is CHALLENGED to Outrun the Shadow Beings [Ghost]
Is Ghost too good to reboot? Can anyone fill Swayze's shoes? Can the story be expanded on without getting too lost in the potential worldbuilding? You can find this podcast on BlueSky @NIIRYFPod, Lindsay @LindsayM476, and Tanner @SparkyUpstart. Our email is [email protected]. You can...
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270: Lindsay's Got Beef with Certain Agencies [Salt]
Guys, we gotta stop putting politics in spy thrillers. Or take them out. Either way, Tanner's getting really baffled at how no one's doing background checks. You can find this podcast on BlueSky @NIIRYFPod, Lindsay @LindsayM476, and Tanner @SparkyUpstart. Our email is...
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269: Tanner NEEDS This Child to Craft a Better Geas [Practical Magic]
Practical Magic is an amazing movie with only a few things that bug Tanner, but there's a sequel coming out this year and they thinks that's a TERRIBLE IDEA! So they're getting ahead of things by starting from scratch, taking the original movie and turning it into a miniseries instead. With…
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268: Tanner and Lindsay Gotta Yub Nub [The Rise of Skywalker]
May the 4th be with you! We've completely rebuilt Rise of Skywalker from the ground up, including the name! It's Rise of the Taral now! Did you know the Sith have a language? Anyway, we're done with Star Wars now, until we decide to make an animated series to fill the time skip. All these new...
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267: Lindsay's New Greek Mythology Blorbo [Class of the Titans]
Remember that middle-grade story from 2005 about some teens descended from figures of Greek Mythology who had to team up to fight Cronus and other Greek monsters? Well there were two, and Canada's Class of the Titans got it's lunch absolutely eaten by Percy. Lindsay's not surprised - it's…
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266: Fabby Explains her Little Guyz [Warhammer 40,000]
There's no peace among the stars, but you know what there is? A lot of lore! That doesn't matter, except it kinda does? Fabby's here to teach us all about Warhammer 40k, the Imperium, Chaos, Femboiz, Puppy Girls - the works. And along the way we manage to make a mechsploitation roadtrip series!...
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265: Tanner Brings a Sword to a Gun Fight and a Werewolf to a Sword Fight [Dog Soldiers]
Dog Soldiers is a simple movie about soldiers fighting werewolves, but that does mean that some of it falls apart in the third act. Not to mention, it's such a simple premise that it's easy to either remake it or make a sequel...or maybe both? Along with Lindsay they'll discuss the myth of the...
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264: Lindsay Keeps Tanner Cultured [Tosca]
We're at the opera tonight, despite Tanner's protests - but don't worry, Lindsay is gonna make sure everyone has context for what an opera even is (and why Napoleon's here). And after that, we're gonna reboot Puccini's Tosca! Listen to hear about a Hall of Fame Slimeball, doing the Full…
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263: Kit Activates Every Canadian Millennial [Concerned Children's Advertisers]
We're really concerned about the children, y'all. They're being raised like veal, and it's absolutely hobbyless behvaiour out there. Good thing our guest Kit Walker is here to pitch some new (weird) (freaky) (Canadian) PSAs to the TikTok generation. We've got ways to encourage them to spend...
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262: Tanner is CHALLENGED to Find a Heterosexual Explanation for Immortals [Highlander]
You know the saying - "there can only be one!" The Highlander franchise has shown this repeatedly, but apparently a reboot is actually getting off the ground now? Well whether that works out or not, Tanner's been challenged to figure out what a good Highlander will look like. They're starting…
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261: Lindsay is CHALLENGED to Make Cyrus Drink His Fill of Blood [Tomyris]
The legend of Tomyris (the legend) is kinda fascinating, but The Legend of Tomiris (the film) squanders those parts and manages to be really long and say very little about the title character or her people. Plus, y'know, there's just a dash of propoganda baked into it. But Tanner wants there to…
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260: Tanner Fights with the Power of Friendship and this MegaBuster They Found [Mega Man Star Force 4]
Mega Man Star Force 4 only got as far as a concept, but it's enough of a concept for Tanner to spin into a whole pitch and game summary (which is good, because Lindsay knows almost nothing about any Mega Mans). They'll set the teenage blue bomber against systemic corruption while also discussing...
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259: Lindsay Looses Large Cats on Cornwall [Jamaica Inn]
Let's get a little meta today. Lindsay's not quite remaking Jamaica Inn so much as paying homage to it, with the tale of a woman using the book as a guide to explore all the English lore and history in Cornwall. But with some local cultists being haunted by the past and detesting the future, will...
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258: Tanner wants Johnny Utah and Bodhi to Kiss SO BAD They Look Stupid [Point Break]
Point Break is a patently silly premise executed shockingly well? Why are we rebooting this? Well, it's not explicitly gay and we gotta change that. But that's not enough for an entire episode, so we also have to figure out ways to do things differently without disrupting the hyper-heightened...
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257: Lindsay's Spy Caper is More Girlboss, Less Gatekeep (same amount of Gaslight) [The Lady Vanishes]
The Lady Vanishes seems like a real outlier among the rest of Albert Hitchcock's works - maybe because he didn't write the story, or the script, and only fulfilled it out of contractual obligation. But it's still pretty solid! Just very wacky and slapstick for what advertises itself as a wartime...
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Corner Podcast Patreon (re)Launch!
Years ago, Not If I Reboot You First started a Patreon just to help cover hosting costs, but we ended up putting it on ice because we felt we couldn't come up with enough bonus stuff to warrant it, and because we were both in positions were we could pay for podcast hosting anyway. Nowadays…
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256: Tanner's the Only One Who Read [Mindwarp]
Animorphs was so great that some people definitely tried to make their own in the 90s, and one of those attempts was Mindwarp! It didn't succeed nearly as well, but Tanner thinks it's worth revisiting it's various interesting moments and clear plot hooks that never got expanded on thanks to a...
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255: Lindsay Fuses the Terminator and another Supercomputer [The Terminator/Colossus: The Forbin Project]
Lindsay's Halloween episode is a little bit of a twist, as she's taking Terminator and looking at it through some new lenses, like Time Travel and Frankenstein. Can we break the cycle of bad parenting? Are we too queer to understand time loops and time spirals? And how will we address the Tron…
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254: Tanner and Lindsay Give Mina Murray Gender [Penny Dreadful Season Two]
Oh hey, it's time for our new annual tradition, rebooting a season of Penny Dreadful! In the second season we had to deal with witches, porcelain dolls, and some really baffling character decisions. Can we rectify it with Dracula canon, interconnected character arcs, and normal sex? If you'd like...
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253: Linday and Tanner Answer Era-Specific Questions
It's time for the annual Q&A! Sit back, relax, and listen as Tanner and Lindsay discuss rebooting bands, era specific media, and how to make cops not be cops. If you'd like to be on an episode, submit your pitch at https://forms.gle/DQiGdNRMFcz3po256. Our cover art is by Alex aka @ptchew, and her...
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252: Emily Heads to DA GURLZ ZONE [Ready Player One]
Girls just wanna have fun. And sometimes, to have fun? You gotta game! Emily is taking the cultural entity known as Ready Player One and starting from scratch because this isn't just any old Fortinitified nostalgic cash grab - this is one for GIRLS. It's got PONIES and SHE-RA and NICHE...
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251: Christina Staffs the Xavier Academy [Academy X]
Our friend Christina has returned with an observation: there are plenty of stories about what it's like to be a kid at the Xavier Mansion, but what if we got a story about what it's like being a teacher? For that matter, what if the teachers were actual teachers and not former X-Men shoved into...
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250: Tanner and Lindsay Comment on Episode 200
This is a little bit of a self-congratulatory episode, but we really did never get a chance to talk about everything that went into making our 200th episode! So now that we've got our sea legs back, let's take a moment to look at some various bits and bobs from Mikey Crichts and Billy Shakes that...
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249: Lindsay is CHALLENGED to Upgrade these Cowboys to a Throuple [Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid]
Tanner asked Lindsay to talk about her OT3 - no, her OTHER OT3. The one with Butch and Sundance! She doesn't think she can improve upon perfection (though Tanner would recommend changing the music), but she does want to expand on the third corner of the triangle - one Miss Etta Place, who...could...
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248: Ryan Finishes the Fight [Halo: the Series]
Ah shit, here we go again. The tv adaptation of the Halo video game got cancelled just after they reached the titular Halo. How does our brother in Ryan plan on rectifying this? He's gonna make it take even LONGER to get there! Wait, what? Well, let him cook, and while he does Lindsay will ask...
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247: Tanner is CHALLENGED to Take the Mummies to the Club [Mummies Alive]
The challenges return (for real this time) with Lindsay tasking Tanner with doing an updated remake of the 90s cartoon Mummies Alive! Tanner tried to avoid doing a deep dive but still came out of this with a RIDICULOUS amount of notes on this because a) so much of the show feels like wasted...
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246: Lindsay and Tanner Find that The Force, uh, Finds A Way [The Last Jedi]
Revenge of the Fifth! That means it's time to do a Star War once again. This time, it's The Last Jedi, a movie that Lindsay and Tanner generally think is the strongest of the sequel films - except for all the parts that don't work. But you know what, we can pivot and rearrange some parts to make...
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245: Benny has been Wandering the Sea for Several Years [Telemachus]
...but he's finally returned to us! And he brings an age-old tale of a soon looking for his father, gathering friends, learning what it means to be a man, and...engaging in various minigames? Yes, Benny has recruited Tanner and Lindsay onto his crew to turn the story of Telemachus into a video…
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244: Harley Queers up [Ever After High]
...but it's not that hard, y'know? Ever After High was a spin-off of Monster High about fairy tale characters, but as Harley makes clear it's also about fighting against conformity, choosing your own destiny, and girls being friends (honestly, huge). Lindsay and Tanner are gonna work with him to...
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243: Tanner's Gunpla is Haunted [Custom Robo]
Oh no, there's flesh on the gunpla too...Tanner's taking it back to the 00s with their requel of Custom Robo, which had one game famous for the massive plot twist halfway through and another game that...was also released in the states. But maybe we can combine these things, use the lesser-known...
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242: Raena is Always Thinking About [Drakengard]
Content Warning in this episode, and Drakengard by extension, for violence, war, mutilation, death, incest, cannibalism, and pedophilia. In this episode, Raena's here to explain Drakengard and the greater DrakenNieR franchise to us. It's...a lot. But the main thing is that she'd like to see if…
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241: Lindsay Writes the First Maisie Dobbs Fanfiction [Maisie Dobbs]
Do you have any idea how hard it is to reboot something with no TV Tropes page, no AO3 presence, and seemingly no fandom whatsoever? Well, Lindsay's trying her best with the Maisie Dobbs mystery series, which she definitely didn't fully imagine herself. She and Tanner will outline some ways to...
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240: Tanner Clones a Phone and Steals a Baby [Open Heart]
It's time to reboot an edgy, hard-hitting teen mystery/medical drama...that aired on the Canadian equivalent of Nickelodeon? Yeah, Open Heart never had a chance, even with it's solid cast and cool (admittedly half-baked) ARG companion app. Lindsay's gonna help Tanner flesh out the good parts like...
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239: Lindsay Gives Advise to Classics Majors [The Secret History]
What's the secret of The Secret History? It's that these characters all think they're the main character of a grand sweeping narrative, but in reality they're just rich kids who aren't as clever as they think they are, sucked into the vortex of an egomaniac language professor. But Lindsay's put...
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238: Tanner Can't Reboot Rudolph Becase of Woke [Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer]
Am I wrong though? Am I? It's the night before Christmas and we're taking on the classic tale of a special snowflake reindeer who's being barred from society because of certain physical aspects...huh, I wonder what the conservatives would think of this. Still, we can smooth some of the edges off…
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237: Lindsay is CHALLENGED to Make Cruella Sell Out [Cruella 2]
In our newest CHALLENGE EPISODE, Tanner's given Lindsay the task of creating the Cruella sequel we...don't really need, but we might deserve, even if Disnopolis would never let us take this close a look at 80s Cold War Fashion Authoritarianism. We also discuss what makes a punk a punk, the artist...
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236: Ryan Replaces The Replacements [The Replacement]
You ready for some FOOTBALL? Tanner wasn't, but Ryan and Lindsay are actual jocks so they're here to help them remake their second-favourite sports movie The Replacements. How can we keep the heartwarming idea of second chances and glory for glory's sake, while also making sure this movie doesn't...
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235: Tanner is CHALLENGED to Bring Sport Back to Oakland [Romeo Must Die]
It's time for a CHALLENGE EPISODE! It's Tanner's birthday today, and they were given a topic by Lindsay to tackle on their own, and the challenge was 2000's Romeo Must Die! The film that turned Jet Li and the late Aaliyah into stars, a loose retelling of Shakespeare that can be tightened up...by...
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234: Lindsay Makes a Film That Doesn't Self-Ignite [Silver Nitrate]
What's one to do with a cursed film made by a nazi occultist? Stick it in your freezer! Or write a book about it, and Silva Morena-Garcia's Silver Nitrate is a super awesome read. But it's a book about film, and Lindsay really wants to make a film about film, so we're doing an adaptation of it!…
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233: Tanner Gets Slashered in Australia [Cut]
Oh naur! There's a slasher loose in the Australian film Cut and Kylie Minogue is right in their crosshairs! As Tanner and Lindsay combine their creative energies, they'll make some kind of ghost who's terrible at acting and remembering its cues. Also discussed are a head budget, cursed films, and…
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232: Lindsay and Tanner Audit Frankenstein's Tarp Budget [Penny Dreadful Season 1]
Years ago, Once Upon a Time reached it's happy ending. But now we need a new show to annually reboot, season by season. A show with a plethora of public domain characters given a bit of a twist. Something spooky, something slimey, something a little bit gayer than the original (but doesn't wanna...
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
Hollywood keeps on rebooting everything over and over again, and always seems to get it wrong. So Tanner and Lindsay have decided to get one step ahead of them and reboot everything themselves! Through reboots, remakes, sequels, adaptations, and other weird scenarios, these two are gonna change it all for better or worse - which, sometimes, is still better.
HOSTED BY
Corner Podcast Network
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does Not If I Reboot You First! have?
Not If I Reboot You First! currently has 280 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is Not If I Reboot You First! about?
Hollywood keeps on rebooting everything over and over again, and always seems to get it wrong. So Tanner and Lindsay have decided to get one step ahead of them and reboot everything themselves! Through reboots, remakes, sequels, adaptations, and other weird scenarios, these two are gonna change it...
How often does Not If I Reboot You First! release new episodes?
Not If I Reboot You First! publishes regularly with 280 episodes available. Check the episode list for the typical release schedule.
Where can I listen to Not If I Reboot You First!?
You can listen to Not If I Reboot You First! on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts Not If I Reboot You First!?
Not If I Reboot You First! is created and hosted by Corner Podcast Network.
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