Notes to Self

Here I trace the long, complicated arc of an identity crisis that began in childhood, in the misunderstandings and misreadings that quietly shaped how I learned to see myself. I talk about how hard it can be to unlearn the stories we never chose.The episode quotes Edward Said’s “Orientalism” to make sense of the context in which I was emerging and the larger forces that had already been shaping the lens through which others inevitably saw me. I revisit the post‑9/11 moment, which was a time when Arab and Muslim identities were cast under intense suspicion, to understand how those pressures deepened the fracture between how the world saw me and how I wanted to be seen.This is about the complex realities of defining yourself after years of being named by others, the tension between internal truth and external projection, and the slow process of self-awareness.Many thanks to TorGado for composing the music just for this podcast. Art from my sketchbook. Instagram: @notestoselfpod

In today’s episode, we’re joined by Raya and Mira from Turab Mutual Aid — a volunteer‑run, diaspora‑led initiative providing monthly financial support to five families in Gaza. Founded in October 2023, Turab is built on a simple but powerful commitment: offering families in Gaza a reliable, consistent stipend every month.Raya and Mira share how Turab came to life and the principles that shape their approach. They speak about the sense of duty that keeps them moving, and what it means to show up for Palestinians in Gaza. We get a privacy-conscious glimpse into some of the families they’re supporting, and learn more about their realities and needs.This episode is both an invitation and a resource; a space to learn, reflect, and consider the many ways each of us can contribute to sustaining Palestinian life in Palestine.GET INVOLVED! Turab is also looking for support in Arabic or English to expand its social media content. If you have ideas, a knack for content creation, and would like to voluntarily offer your skills and camaraderie please reach out to [email protected] and contribute to Turab Mutual Aid via Chuffed chuffed.org/project/turab-mutual-aidCheck out Turab Mutual Aid on Instagram @turabmutualaidMany thanks to TorGado for composing the music just for this podcast. Art from my sketchbook. Instagram: @notestoselfpod

In this emotional episode, I give you a glimpse into my 7 attempts to reach the Dome of the Rock. It was my first time in Palestine as a diaspora Palestinian, and the closest I’ve ever been to something I’ve yearned for my whole life. Along the way, I stumble upon checkpoints, a “wasps’ nest” of soldiers, a far-right minister, and the strange tension between the privilege I hold and the things I’m deprived of. Inside, I try to make sense of beauty, fear, longing, and what it means to finally stand where my family once prayed.Note: in the episode when I describe the Al‑Aqsa compound/Noble Sanctuary (الحَرَم الشَّرِيف or الأَقْصَى) I refer to it throughout as ‘the Temple Mount’ to make sure listeners understand, but that is actually the Judeo-Christian term, and I want to make sure that is clear.Check out Instagram for photos of some of the sights I described: @notestoselfpodLecture performance of Donatella Della Ratta mentioned in the episode: https://www.youtube.com/live/i9o_FYQevJ8?t=360&is=OeLnRgxIy5kyLsg0 (06:00-31:00)Many thanks to Baba for agreeing to be featured reciting Al Fatiha, to Gad for providing feedback, and to TorGado for composing the music just for this podcast. Art from my sketchbook.

Here, I explore the emotional and practical realities of unemployment. I break down what I learned from my job search (including an analysis of 40 rejection emails) and what those patterns revealed about the systems we’re navigating.Nina, Amber, and Louise join me to talk about privilege, purple squirrels, imposter syndrome, and pizza… and how all of it contributes to the way we move through work and beyond.This episode offers solidarity, but also a reminder that detours aren’t failures. They’re openings. And sometimes the path you didn’t choose becomes the one that shows you what you’re capable of.Many thanks to Lou for providing feedback on the podcast concept and this episode, and to TorGado for composing the music just for this podcast.Instagram: @notestoselfpod Ko-Fi: ko-fi.com/notestoself

Episode 0 is an introduction to Notes to Self: who I am, why I’m making this, and the tiny, ridiculous, beloved memories that shape us — including a man in a Batman suit and two Pink Pony Club karaoke scenes I can’t seem to let go of. It’s a soft beginning to a podcast about the inner worlds we carry.Many thanks to Lou for providing feedback on the podcast concept and this episode, and to TorGado for composing the music just for this podcast. Follow along for the next episode, which I plan to release in the coming days. Instagram: @notestoselfpodKo-Fi: ko-fi.com/notestoself