PODCAST · comedy
Nothin' Means Nothin'
by Craig O'Malley
Two best friends who are so very different, and yet so alike, both of whom have just turned 30 years old, are questioning their futures, themselves, and their places in the universe. There will be digressions and diversions with plenty of ridiculousness and nonsense to go around. Every week they'll attempt to focus themselves long enough to answer one of countless hypothetical premises they've found or thought up for that episode.
Episodes
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Season 2 - Episode 17: July Madness
This week, the guys are live and in-person tackling their most thorough brackets episode yet! 16 different flavors of donut will be tasted, all from the same chain coffeehouse (hint: allegedly, an entire country is fueled by this company's wares), until one winner is crowned. Will it be a…
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Season 2 - Episode 16: Juicy Juice is Juice
This week, the guys jump around more than a kangaroo wearing moon shoes, going from topic to topic with reckless abandon. Whether it's World War VII, finding things in caves, a Lord of the Rings death metal band, or something about reverse burgling, there's something for at least one person! So...
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Season 2 - Episode 15: Sleep Apnea Plus
This week, the guys talk about western cultural expectations and the definition of "success" in relation to traditional milestones. Also included: picking a celebrity to narrate your life (complete with impromptu impressions), worst movie tropes, and funny car stories. Also also, something about...
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Season 2 - Episode 14: Three Days, Any Takers?
This week, the guys talk about the trials and tribulations of buying a new car and how completely not stressful it is. Also included: cutesy pet names for your significant other, wacky hotels, something about strongman and some impromptu clickbait titles for popular movies. So grab su cariño or…
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Season 2 - Episode 13: June Madness
It's time for some more brackets! This week, the guys take the finest cuisine that middle America has to offer and try to find the very best chain restaurant. Will it be a certain 'factory', known for its very particular brand of confections? Perhaps a TexMex place named for a hot pepper, with...
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Season 2 - Episode 12: Get Posh, Son
This week, the guys invite Sam "Samwise" Eisenberg back onto the show to talk about his new business venture, Live Limitless! In this discussion, Sam gives us some tips about things like: how to manage your time, how to define "success" for each individual goal, or how to prioritize your values…
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Season 2 - Episode 11: Rib Day
This week, the guys weigh the positives and negatives of homeopathic medicine. (No, really) Before that, though, Craig reads an essay that he wrote detailing all of the flaws of...this podcast...? Also, the music of Norway, movies that warrant a repeat viewing, and some oral lore involving bbq…
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Season 2 - Episode 10: No More Nasty
This week, the guys talk about how lockdowns have been causing people to re-evaluate their careers, relationships, goals and desires. That being said, you can also expect to hear about the pros and (mostly) cons of oregano oil, things that people would never expect our hosts to enjoy, placing...
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Season 2 - Episode 9: Riddled with Willies
This week, the guys get zany (for a change) and talk about a whole bunch of nothing that means nothing. George ponders whether or not he could teach somebody to be Puerto Rican. Craig gets mad at George for not knowing his favorite wine. George romantically describes the value of a good cigar....
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Season 2 - Episode 8: May Madness
This week, the guys get back to the brackets and narrow down the greatest Nintendo 64 games ever to grace our CRTVs with zero round edges. (Spoiler alert: the world's most famous plumber - no, not Bob Vila - might make an appearance...or five). Anthropomorphic bears with backpack-dwelling...
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Season 2 - Episode 7: Billy is Unenthused
This week, the guys get nostalgic and nerdy (which is also the title of their forthcoming hip hop album) and talk about the good old days of Pokemon on the original Gameboy. Also included: the flaws of the Harry Potter house system, buying cars online, and an impromptu...power rangers...skit?...
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Season Two - Episode 6: Quinceanera Hopkins
This week, the guys go variety-show style and answer a few dozen rapid-fire questions. George's oddly accurate Louis Armstrong impression? Got it. A seamless segue from Hilary Duff to Coal Chamber? Right here. A spicy conversation about what Craig finds most attractive about George's girlfriend?...
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Season 2 - Episode 5: What's Up, Suckers?
This week, the guys talk about the Netflix-esque subscription model used for everything from movies and television, to books and games, and what effect it's had on how we, as a society, value our entertainment. Sound too much like a college thesis for your liking? Don't fret! By listening, you...
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Bonus Episode - Season 1 Intro Highlights
On this bonus episode, relive every introduction from Season One! From Craig "Jack of at least one trade" O'Malley and Uncle Scrooge McMallard, enjoy 10+ minutes of all the usual BS and tomfoolery that kicks off (and continues throughout) every show, now for the first time in one, special...
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Season 2 Episode 4 - April Madness
This week, the guys tackle another bracket, this time pitting your (our) favorite classic rock bands head-to-head. That's right - high voices, guitar solos, and a whole lot of hair - and that's just the hosts! Also included: nursery rhymes, advertisements, and Craig attempts (and fails) to hit…
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Season Two Episode 3 - The God of Good Intentions
This week, the guys talk about small ways to improve your quality of life in a mostly-still-locked-down world. (Bonus fact: a recent poll found that listening to this podcast is recommended by 1 out of 1 dental assistants for maintaining a positive world-view). Also included: becoming the newest...
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Season 2 - Episode 2: I Drink Mine Like Dad
This week, the guys talk about things that people enjoy that they don't quite understand. Also, Craig learns a new word, George declares his love for deep voices, and someone called Christina Ambiguity keeps coming up in conversation. Get your weekly dose of NMN, part of this balanced breakfast.
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Episode 41 - Season Two...Apparently
This week, the guys kick off Season 2 with a discussion about awesome drumming! Also included: joining the circus, sentient animals performing human jobs, and something about a porpoise. New season, same shenanigans. We're back!
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40: Only Farmers - A Conversation with John Tuosto
This week, if the title didn't give it away, the guys bring on special guest John Tuosto! Topics include, but are not limited to: Gary Busey, marriage pacts, the word "ubiquitous", and way too many mentions about a certain pay-for-pics website. For our main topic, we discuss the impact of…
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January Madness - Disney Songs, Part 2
This week, the guys bring you the epic conclusion to the Disney songs mega-bracket! That's right, sixteen of your favorites go head-to-head until one winner is crowned the best song ever cartoon-sung. And when we say "your" favorites we don't mean you, you; we mean more the collective you....
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January Madness - Disney Songs, Part 1
Do you like anthropomorphic animals? Are you enthralled by humans and or previously aforementioned animals bursting sporadically into song? Would you consider a story's potential unfulfilled if one or more of the protagonist's parents didn't die horrifically within the first 5 minutes? Then…
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Episode 37 - A Comprehensive Chicken Review
This week, the guys ruminate on why people are their own harshest critics. Also included: some VERY NSFW content between 18:00 and 36:45 (aka skip this if we're related), hide and seek as a professional sport, and George shares his...unique...opinions about art. If you thought we'd be holding…
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Episode 36 - NYE Minicast
This week, the guys put out a special, bite-sized edition of the podcast! This time, it's all about New Year's Resolutions; why we make them, how they can fail, and how to make sure yours will succeed. It's not the best self-help you can buy, but it is completely free, so... Happy New Year from...
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Episode 35 - December Madness - Part 2
This week (again), the guys conclude their biggest brackets episode ever in Part 2! 32 Christmas songs have become 16 - and now it's time to decide which one is the best to ever be pa rum pum pum pummed. From the oldest song in recorded history, to the most memorable melody on the list, find out...
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Episode 34 - December Madness - Part 1
Part 1 of 2! This week, the guys jump into their biggest brackets episode ever, as 32 Christmas songs go head-to-head in order to eventually crown one ultimate winner. That's right, thine eyes do not deceive you; this bracket is twice as big, twice as bold, twice as...long...as past installments....
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Episode 33 - What About Eclairs?
This week, the guys are even more all over the place than usual! From buffet etiquette, to naming a boat, to starting a hypothetical business, nothing has ever meant this much nothing. If you've got two hours and have ever wondered what it would be like to hear Kermit the Frog order food at a...
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Episode 32 - Brothers Don't Shake Hands...
This week, the guys aren't the guys at all! With George away due to an unfortunate incident involving a 4-iron, a cast-iron skillet, the iron giant and some irony, Craig enlists the help of his sister for an extra special episode. Tattoos, narcotics, former US Presidents, and maybe even some...
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Episode 31 - November Madness
This week, the guys tackle yet more brackets - and you know two former fat kids couldn't go too long without talking about some good old-fashioned fast food! Will the winner be a classic establishment, like the golden arches or the Pippi Longstocking wannabe? Perhaps a regional favorite, like…
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September Madness
This week, the guys tackle their September brackets two months late, narrowing down the best cartoon of the 1990's. Will it be the kid with the oblong head? A cartoon duck of some description? Perhaps a couple of large, semiaquatic rodents who are perpetually displeased will steal the show? All…
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Episode 29 - Sugar-Free Gummy Bears
This week, the guys design their own strongman competition. Also included: long-winded recipes, ridiculous product reviews and fancy whisky glasses. Batteries not included, some assembly required, your results may vary and not intended to cure, treat, or diagnose any disease.
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Episode 28 - October Madness
This week, the guys jump right into it with another brackets episode, this time tackling favorite childhood board games. Will the winner be that gaggle of ravenous hippos whose appetite for marbles is all but insatiable? How about the game that teaches both amateur surgery AND how to develop an...
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Episode 27 - Enough About Construction Paper
This week, the guys talk about designing their own games, and then dive into if it's really the thought that counts when giving gifts. Also, anime theme song lyrics, only eating the same meals every day forever, renaming animals, and the shortest fight in history. Hold on to your proverbial hats,...
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Episode 26 - Duck Dubstep
This week, the guys talk about underrated experiences and the value of suffering. Better yet, there's also Ninja Warrior, Mochi, something about etymology, and contemplating what zoos would look like if aliens took over. So, just your run-of-the-mill episode, really. Walk-of-the-mill?...
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Episode 25 - This is Grassroots
This week, the guys talk about relationship red flags and the importance of compromise. To avoid too much content of any real substance, there's also ASMR beatboxing, ridiculous modes of transport, and developing professional wrestling personas. Hold on to your breakfasts, this one's about to get...
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Episode 24: Spooky Moose
This week, the guys talk about creating fake art, Bernie Sanders' dinosaur policy, and haunting a location for all of eternity. Also included: favorite childhood memories, another Superfight installment, and television channels that should, but don't exist. Are these podcasts getting longer and...
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Episode 23: They Go in like Savages
This week, the guys talk about life-altering events and how to move forward after losing a loved one. If that wasn't hilarious enough, we've got the hat to end all hats, living inside another person's head, and exploring some of the worst things to fill a burrito with. Annnnd filling the anchor...
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Episode 22: August Madness
This week, the brackets are back! The guys narrow down their favorite comedy movies of the last 30 years to find out which one reigns supreme. Will it be the fat guy in a little coat? Perhaps the nanny who must look like a yeti in that get-up? Or will Glen Coco do it again - which would, in fact,...
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Episode 21: Eff That Tree! Look up!
This week, the guys go full-nerd and talk about video games that they've enjoyed over the years. Also included: 90's dance songs, phobias, and gladiatorial combat. Also also, our fearless hosts create their very own holidays and they are...exactly as insane as you'd expect. Go Michigan!
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Episode 20: Theodore Doesn't Rep - Whimsical, Even
This week, the guys talk about what keeps them up at night - but first, interesting pool attire, Star Wars, and choosing personal mascots. Also included: much talk about a certain 1960's cartoon character, which may or may not be extravagant; excessive, even.
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Episode 19: Me, I Want a Hula Hoop
This week, the guys discuss what they miss most about their 20's and what they're most happy to have left behind. Also, the pros and cons of controlling various elements, discussing new and "delicious" ice cream flavors, the worst places to be stuck, and the importance of being thorough when…
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Episode 18: July Madness - Breakfast Cereal
This week, the guys are back at it again with the brackets, this time pitting breakfast cereals head-to-head to determine the best early-morning sustenance to ever grace our tables. Will it be Horatio Magellan Crunch's sugary, mouth-assaulting delicacy? Or Tony the Tiger's revitalized take on...
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Here We Are in Space: The Adventures of Chunk and Mr. Slinger
This week, the guys delve deep into the strange and oft misunderstood world of ASMR; what is it, how does one get into it, and what is the appeal? Also discussed - celebrity aliases, fake health trends, and terrifying cartoons...plus, Craig continues to find obnoxious ways to say "dot com"
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Episode 16 - Fetch Me That Eagle!
This week, the guys talk about the biggest animal they feel like they could take down in a fight. Also, fashion icons, celebrity body-swaps, talking dogs, and replacing people with robots. Spoiler alert: it's podcast hosts. We're replacing podcast hosts with robots.
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Episode 15: "That's a Weird-Looking Dog"
This week, the guys talk about the most important factors in building a successful relationship...which is, admittedly, a bit rich coming from those two. Also discussed: furious elephants, activism, and what not to wear when visiting France. Not mentioned: the guys' insistence on writing podcast...
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Episode 14 - The Real Tameka
This week, Craig makes George cry. Meanwhile, the guys talk about some of their wildest dating experiences, including George's magnum opus involving three strange women and gentleman bearing Chinese food. Seriously, you don't want to miss this one. Also included: seances, time-travel, and...
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Episode 13: June Madness - Kitchen Spices
This week, the guys tackle another bracket, this time narrowing down the best cooking herbs and spices. Also, war elephants, killer bunnies, and magic pens that do mostly horrible things. Just another week, really...
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Episode 12: Natalie! You're fired
This week, the guys ex-pound (see what we did there?) upon a veritable cornucopia of wild ideas. A text message to the entire world. A secret hideout fit for the evilest of cartoon villains. Legal speeding, a lower drinking age, first time love, Chuck Knoblauch, and one unlucky Abuela. Strap in!...
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Episode 11: Come Slum It Up!
This week, the guys discuss personal memories that still have an impact on their lives today. Also included: invisible women, more blaspheming about the Queen, and multiple minutes of George not understanding what exactly the phrase "text message" entails. Oh, and if your last name is…
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Episode 10: Rattlesnakes and...
This week, the guys talk about some of their most embarrassing moments. Also included: a new breed of tree, a fancy Christmas party, an unfortunate text, and some obscure athletic endeavors. Not included: the word "magnanimous"
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Episode 9 : May Madness - "I'm Cut from a Different Cloth"
The bracket is back! This week, the guys break down the 16 best American chocolate bars in an attempt to find the king of all candy. Just like choosing your favorite child, it's not easy, but there's obviously a correct answer. Other topics include: a replacement of words, a haunting to remember,...
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
Two best friends who are so very different, and yet so alike, both of whom have just turned 30 years old, are questioning their futures, themselves, and their places in the universe. There will be digressions and diversions with plenty of ridiculousness and nonsense to go around. Every week they'll attempt to focus themselves long enough to answer one of countless hypothetical premises they've found or thought up for that episode.
HOSTED BY
Craig O'Malley
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does Nothin' Means Nothin' have?
Nothin' Means Nothin' currently has 58 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is Nothin' Means Nothin' about?
Two best friends who are so very different, and yet so alike, both of whom have just turned 30 years old, are questioning their futures, themselves, and their places in the universe. There will be digressions and diversions with plenty of ridiculousness and nonsense to go around. Every week they'll...
How often does Nothin' Means Nothin' release new episodes?
Nothin' Means Nothin' has 58 episodes. Check the episode list to see recent publication dates and frequency.
Where can I listen to Nothin' Means Nothin'?
You can listen to Nothin' Means Nothin' on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts Nothin' Means Nothin'?
Nothin' Means Nothin' is created and hosted by Craig O'Malley.
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