Old Time Radio Mysteries and More

Hey! I'd love to hear your thoughts, send me a voice note.Richard "Rick" Diamond, former police detective and current private detective, had just entered his office when he receives a telephone call. He picks up the receiver and says "Diamond Detective Agency, Happy Homicide". His friend, Lieutenant Walt Levinson at the Fifth Precinct says "You know that's pretty bad, that is". Rick says "Oh, my goodness, Walt, what can I do for the shining light of the fifth Precinct?" Walt says "You can get right down here. I want you to do me a favor for me". Rick says "I'm not going to help Sergeant Otis cross the street again. Tell him to get a governess". Walt says "This has nothing to do with my brainy Sergeant. Will you come down?" Rick says "Well all right, business is slower than a drunk turtle, so I'll be there in ten minutes". Walt says "Thanks". A short time later, Rick walks into the squad room, where, as always, the king of the jungle is on hand to greet him. Sergeant Otis says "Good morning, shamus". Rick says "Oh, Otis, you look terrible". Otis says "What's wrong?" Rick says "Well, it's pretty obvious you've been sleeping in the wrong position". Otis says "What are you talking about?" Rick says "Oh Otis, stop trying to be a sport and get rid of the bats in your house. They're used to hanging upside down". Otis says "Oh, for Pete's sake, the lieutenant is expecting you. Go on in". Rick goes into the office and Walt says "How are you, Rick? Have you been needling Otis again?" Rick says "Well, a little". Walt says "Now you got to stop that. When you come in, he begins to sulk and I got to work with him all day".

Hey! I'd love to hear your thoughts, send me a voice note.Matt Cvetic, an underground FBI agent in the Communist party, is currently in a clandestine meeting with Comrade Revson, his superior in the party. For the past few moments, Revson seems worried. He has been reading an official looking paper delivered to him by a drop messenger. He turns to Matt and says "Uh, Cvetic, I have an assignment for you, from the highest source". Matt asks "The Kremlin, in person?" Revson says "Cvetic, you know Shepherd Riker?" Matt Cvetic says "Of course, that loud communist baiter". Revson says "Shepard Riker is an extremely dangerous man. His work in Washington is strategic, and his personal campaign against the party is embarrassing". Matt says "It's time we did something about him, too". Revson says "We are about to do something now. Mrs. Riker lives in this city". Matt asks "What's she got to do with it?" Revson says "She is one of us". Matt says "Mrs. Shepard Riker is a communist? She can't be. It just isn't in the books". Revson says "But, she is. She joined the party ten years ago. She was most attractive and very young. Too attractive for the ordinary work of the party, so we assigned her to return to her usual life, and to forget she was a member, until we should call upon her for special duty. These orders are it". Matt asks "We are calling her back to active service?" Revson says "You will make an appointment with Mrs. Riker. Her assignment is to use her influence with her husband to make him cease, entirely, his attacks on the Communist Party". Matt says "Suppose she'd rather forget that she was a communist, and says no to the proposition?" Revson says "We will entertain no alternatives".

Hey! I'd love to hear your thoughts, send me a voice note.Philip Marlowe, Private Detective, is in the courtroom, awaiting his turn to testify for the prosecution in the trial of Earl Jernigan, accused of the first degree murder of a kindly gray-haired horse trainer named Kurt Harper. Jernigan, a gambler and sometimes bookie, had often been arrested for various offenses, but never convicted. It is the afternoon of the fourth day of the trial, and the prosecutor for the state had already built an almost airtight case against the alleged gambler when Marlowe's turn finally came. The bailiff announces "Will Mr. Phillip Marlowe take the stand?" After he is sworn in, the Prosecutor says "Mr. Marlowe, on the morning of the 30th day of July last, the day on which the late Kurt Harper was murdered, were you hired as a private detective by the said Mr. Harper?" Marlowe says "I was". The Prosecutor asks "And at that time, Mr. Marlowe, did Mr. Harper state his reason for hiring you?" Marlowe says "He did. He wanted me to act as his personal bodyguard on the following day when he planned to drive to San Francisco". The Prosecutor asks "Did he say why he needed a personal bodyguard?" Marlowe says "He did. He told me he was afraid for his life. He refused a gambler's demand that he drug a certain racehorse a week earlier, and that gambler had threatened to kill him". The Prosecutor says " I see. Now, Mr. Marlowe, did Mr. Harper name that gambler?" Marlowe says "Yes, he did. He named Earl Jernigan". The Prosecutor says "Thank you. No further questions". At that point, the judge calls for the Defense, who says "The Council for the Defense waves cross-examination, your honor". The judge says "The witness is excused". To Marlowe, this didn't make sense. No cross-examination. Jernigan's attorney must have something up his legal sleeve.

Hey! I'd love to hear your thoughts, send me a voice note.Private Detective Nick Carter is on the street talking to his old friend, Pete, a detective in the police department. Nick says "How about having lunch with me in an hour or so, Pete? I haven't seen you in a dog's age". Pete says "Oh, swell, Nick. Where can I meet you?" Nick says "Well, suppose we get ...." Suddenly, shots ring out from a passing car! Pete says "Nick, that guy across the street! They got him". Nick says "Yes, come on. Maybe he's still alive". As they run across the street, Pete says "Oh, maybe, but he doesn't look so to me. The way he's all crumpled up there". Nick says "I'm afraid you're right, Pete. Here, help me turn him over on his back". Pete says "Okay, yeah". Nick says "Well, he's dead already". Pete says "Hey, Nick. Will you look at who he is?" Nick says "Our old friend, Louie Morelli, the gangster. Well, he'll never muscle in on anybody's rackets again. They certainly took care of that". Pete says "Yeah, now they can take his name off the blotter at headquarters. But Nick, did you see who was in the front seat of that death car as it went by us?" Nick says "Yes, Pete, I did. It was Slug Baron". Pete says "Yeah, Nick. Slug Baron in person. Do you realize what this means? We now have something we've been trying to get for the past three years. Evidence against Slug that will let us put him away. Every detective on the force, including me, has been trying to get something on that thug ever since he pulled his first job here". Nick says "Right, Pete. This should be good news to the whole city".

Hey! I'd love to hear your thoughts, send me a voice note.On a rainy night, George Valentine and his secretary/girlfriend Brooksie are in a bar named Joe's Oasis, waiting to meet a man named M.J. King, in response to his letter. While the owner and bartender, Joe, is endlessly complaining about everything, the bar telephone starts ringing. George volunteers to answer it. He picks up the receiver and says "Hello, Joe's Oasis". A female voice on the line says "I want to speak to Mr. Marlon King". George asks "Would that be M.J. King?" She says "Yes, of course, Marlon. I called his club and they said he was there at the Oasis". George says "I'm sorry, he's not here. Uh, I'm here to meet him myself. My name is George Valentine. Look, can I take a message or do you want him to call you?" She says "No, tell him I'll write him. Tell him not to get in touch with me, I'll write him. I'm leaving i can't wait for him to .... " George says "Hey, slow down, will you? Who are you?" She says "Just tell him, he won't understand, but tell him something's happened and I have to leave. My name's Cynthia". George asks "Where can he reach us?" Cynthia says "I'll write him I said. I don't care if you understand, I won't see him again, I can't see him, not ever!" George says "Look, Cynthia .... " She says "Never mind, never mind" and hangs up the phone. George hangs up and says to Brooksie "She said won't ever see him again, and Marlon King, in his letter, says to me life isn't worth living without a girl I've just met by the name of Cynthia". Brooksie says "That was a short romance".

Hey! I'd love to hear your thoughts, send me a voice note.A rain storm was breaking about 10:00 AM when Jeff Regan arrived for work at the Lyon Detective Bureau. His boss, Anthony J. Lyon says "Jeffery, my boy, be careful where you sit". Jeff says "What's the matter, Lyon, drop an olive?" Lyon says "No, don't be funny. Your feet are muddy and we can't afford to have the carpet cleaned, not the way business is going these days". Jeff says "Yeah, well okay, Lyon, mind if I sit down? My overcoats wet". Lyon says "Well then, take it all first. Regan, our books don't balance for the month of April. Wait a minute, leave your coat on and don't sit down". Jeff says "So, we got a new client?" Lyon says "Yes Jeffrey, I was sitting here at my desk trying to balance our books ...." Jeff says "And the phone rang and it was a new client". Lyon says "Exactly, Jeffrey, a man named Paulson. He lives here in the Hollywood hills on 7707 and 1/2, Chapman Boulevard. You better get out there right away". Jeff asks "Somebody's life in danger?" Lyon says "Oh no, the victim's already dead, Mrs. Paulson, his wife. Paulson says she was murdered, and he wants us to prove it". Jeff says "Paulson wants us to prove his wife was murdered?" Lyon says "Yes, you see Mrs. Paulson died about seven or eight days ago. The police say she committed suicide, but Mr. Paulson would be so much happier if it would turn out that she was murdered". Jeff says "Nice fellow". Lyon says "Isn't he, my boy. He wants to pay us a hundred dollars". Jeff says "If she's been dead for awhile, what's the hurry?" Lyon says "Like I said, we need to balance our books".

Hey! I'd love to hear your thoughts, send me a voice note.On the morning of November 12th, in 1944, OSS Agent Donald Harper is having a meeting with his superior, a Colonel in the OSS, who says "Captain Harper, I'm well aware of everything we have to gain if this scheme of yours succeeds". Harper asks "You still think it's just a scheme, sir?" Colonel says "I don't have to think. I know what your chances are of actually getting through to the Brenner Pass and blowing up that highway. And I know what'll happen to you if the Italian fascists or the German police get you". Harper says "I know a couple of things, too, Colonel. One of them is the country up there in the mountains. Yes, I nearly broke my neck half a dozen times as a kid climbing the rocks around my grandmother's house. And just before the war, I took a trip from the States to see her again. I skied over inch of that mountain near the Brenner Pass. Colonel, I know I can do it". Colonel says "We've been through this before, Harper. I'm aware of everything in your favor. Your knowledge of the country, and the fact that you were an engineer before the war". Harper says "Just give me supplies. I need some TNT, an Italian uniform, and some phony papers in case I run into the fascists. That's all I need, Colonel. I tell you, I can do it". Colonel says "If that highway to the Brenner Pass could be destroyed, it would take the Germans months to repair it, and would cut off one of their retreats out of Germany". Harper says "Colonel. Please let me try it". Colonel says "You say your grandmother's house is right near your objective?" Harper says "Yes, sir".

Hey! I'd love to hear your thoughts, send me a voice note.It was 6:00 AM on a corner of Broadway. Detective Danny Clover was called to a car that had been parked there overnight. Detective Muggerman was already on the scene. Muggerman says "She's in here, Danny, this car. There on the floorboard in front". Danny asks "Who is she?" Muggerman says "Well, I don't know. There's no identification, no handbag, just this". Danny says "The car is registered to Edward Bishop, 1110 160th Street. Who found her?" Muggerman says "Officer Kaplan. He tagged it late last night for traffic violation. When he was going off duty he noticed the car still wasn't moved. He opened it, and found her under that blanket. I'd say she was about 27". Danny says "She was shot once in the back, from up close". Muggerman says "Yeah, death was probably instantaneous". Just then, a doctor from the County Coroner's office arrives. Muggerman says "In the front of the car, doc. Hey you're a new doctor aren't you?" Danny says "Don't move her, doctor, wait for the photographers". The young doctor just stands there, looking at the dead woman's body. Muggerman says "You get used to it, kid. It kind of happens a lot".

Hey! I'd love to hear your thoughts, send me a voice note.The telephone is ringing telephone in Mr. Wolfe's office. His assistant, Archie Goodwin picks up the receiver and says " Nero Wolfe's Office, Archie Goodwin speaking. Uh, just a moment, please". He turns to Wolfe and says "Boss, Mr. Tom Wilcox wants an appointment. How about one o'clock?" Wolfe says "Archie, no appointments today. I intend to put some dendrobium offsets ... " Archie says "One o'clock will be fine, Mr. Wilcox". Wolfe asks "Is he the Tom Wilcox who was acquitted yesterday of the murder of that singer, Keith Hansen?" One the phone, Archie asks "Mr. Wilcox, are you the Tom Wilcox who ... ? Oh, you are. I see". Wolfe asks "What does he want with me?" Archie says "Mr. Wilcox, why do you seek Mr. Wolfe's services? Oh, I see. Well, our fee is a thousand dollars with a retainer of 500, okay? Yes, Mr. Wolfe will see you. What's that? Hey, what was that? Hey, Mr. Wilcox, hey". Wolfe says "Archie, stop saying "hey". Archie hangs up and says "He whispered someone was at his window. Then I heard a shot and he dropped the phone. Boss, I'm afraid we've just lost a client".