ON BOYS Podcast
by Janet Allison, Jennifer LW Fink
Ever wonder why do boys DO that? Join co-hosts Jennifer L.W. Fink, mom of four boys, and Janet Allison, parenting coach & educator, as they explore and explain boy behavior. Their weekly conversations include a healthy dose of humor & insight, and feature take-away tips you can use right now, at home or in the classroom, to help boys grow into healthy, happy men. Whether your boys are teens or toddlers, you’ll find a big dose of support, encouragement and camaraderie at On Boys.
Episodes
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How to Talk with Boys Like a Pro
Talking with boys — especially tween & teenage boys — can be tricky. Shrugs, grunts, and silence often stand in the way of the conversations parents want to have. Add in timing issues, big emotions, and the pull of devices, and it’s easy to feel like communication is impossible. Photo by Kindel...
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Unlocking Motivation: How to Help Your Son Find His Spark
Is your son pulling away, shutting down, or showing little interest in school or chores? You’re not alone — and there is a way forward. In this third episode of our special 3-part ON BOYS series, we focus on how to foster intrinsic (inner) motivation in boys. Because yes, it’s in there — even…
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How Your Anxiety is Sabotaging Your Son’s Motivation
You can’t effectively boost boys’ motivation until you address YOUR anxiety and fear. We know: You want your son to do his homework. To follow through on commitments. To care. So, when he shrugs, resists, or just doesn’t seem to try, your anxiety spikes — and before you even know what’s…
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Boost Boys’ Motivation
It is possible to boost boys’ motivation. Doing so, though, starts with understanding why so boys are unmotivated. A big part of it is developmental: apathy and an “I don’t care/I don’t wanna” attitude commonly show up around puberty. As boy grow from boyhood to adulthood, they begin to question...
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The End of an Era
The first episode of ON BOYS podcast went live March 12, 2018. Seven years ago! Over the past seven years, we’ve talked to guests from around the globe: Maggie Dent, Michael Gurian, Amy Lang, ADHD Dude Ryan Wexelblatt, Steve Biddulph, Richard V. Reeves, Ruth Whippman, and so, so many others.…
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Raising Awe-Seekers (w Deborah Farmer Kris)
Raising Awe-Seekers, the first parenting book by author Deborah Farmer Kris, outlines a transformative approach to parenting based on joy, wonder, and curiosity. Science, Deb says, shown that awe isn’t just a feel-good experience—it also helps kids develop resilience, strengthen relationships…
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Listener Q & A: Navigating the Complexities of Raising Boys
How do you respond to a 6-year-old boy who thinks he has to “play rough” to prove his masculinity? How can you make space a small boy’s emotions when you also have other kids to keep on track? And what do you do, exactly, when your formerly potty-trained son starts having accidents at school?…
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Boys, A Rescue Plan: Conversation w Michael Gurian
Do boys need a rescue plan? The available evidence says yes. Collectively, our boys are struggling academically, socially, emotionally, and economically. Their academic, educational, and workforce involvement has decreased. Their suicide rates have risen. Ignoring these issues isn’t in our best...
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Helping Boys Find A Path to Manhood
How do we help boys along the path to manhood? That’s a question Paul Cumbo, a veteran educator, has been asking for a long time. It’s one he’s well-positioned to answer too, given that he’s spent the past few decades of his life teaching, educating, and coaching teenage boys and young men. His...
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Creating Schools Where Black Boys—and All Students—Succeed
What if supporting Black boys could transform education for all students? David Kirkland, founder & CEO of forwardED, believes it can—and research backs him up. In this episode, David challenges educators to put a deliberate focus on Black boys, not just to address persistent disparities in...
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Imperfect Men Can Build Boys Too
Imperfect men helped Greg Hlavaty become a good guy. “I think what saved me were men who stepped in as surrogate fathers,” Greg wrote in a recent essay. Those men weren’t exactly role models: One, Greg says, “was openly racist and bragged about having lobbed bricks from overpasses in his youth.”...
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Understanding the Parent Amplification Effect
Do you know what the parent amplification effect is? Do you know how to use it your (and your kids’!) benefit? “Because of children’s dependency on their parents, any parental remark – positive or negative – gets magnified in the child’s mind,” says Adam Galinsky, a social scientist, business...
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Rebels with a Cause: Dr. Niobe Way on Building a Relational World
What happens when we prioritize independence over connection? According to Dr. Niobe Way, a developmental psychologist and author of Rebels with a Cause: Reimagining Boys, Ourselves, & Our Future, it creates a “boy culture” that isolates boys and diminishes their relational skills. Dr. Way has...
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Unlocking the Power of Play
Play is a powerful tool for parenting & child development. Mr. Rogers once said “Play is serious learning” and “the work of childhood,” and we and our guest, Georgie Wisen-Vincent, couldn’t agree more. That’s not to say or imply that play is serious or work in the way that most of adults think of...
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Male Puberty Starts Sooner Than You Think
Modern male puberty starts sooner than you think. Boys today may enter puberty as early as age nine. That’s why your 10-year-old’s mood swings might actually be linked to these new hormonal shifts. As Cara Natterson and Vanessa Kroll Bennett point out in their book, This Is So Awkward: Modern...
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Best of 2024
Which ON BOYS episodes were the Best of 2024? Photo by ALINA MATVEYCHEVA via Pexels Your favorites include: 5. Needed: Boy-Friendly Schools Tyler, a 16-year-old Texas boy, started struggling in middle school. Recess was no more. Classes were 90 minutes long. So, “he found it really hard to sit...
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2024 Listener Fav
Gaming is a BIG part of boys’ lives today! So, it’s no surprise that our March 14 conversation with Dr. K, How to Raise a Healthy Gamer, is our Listener Fav of 2024. Dr. K (full name: Alok Kanojia) is a psychiatrist, dad, and life-long gamer. He knows video games and know what works. He also has...
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Listen to Boys & Young Men
How often do we really listen to boys & young men? Not nearly often enough! There’s been a lot of chatter lately about boys & young men, masculinity, and the growing gender gap in politics – and very little public input from boys & young men themselves. In this episode, Jen & Janet talk with…
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Male Suicide & Mental Health: A Father’s Story of Love & Loss
We gotta talk about male suicide and mental health. If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, you can call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline for help in the United States. Call 988 or 800-273-TALK (8255). The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is open 24 hours a day, every day....
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Exploring the Gender Gap
If you heard anything at all about the 2024 U.S. presidential election, you likely encountered the term "gender gap." More than half of female voters (53%) voted for Kamala Harris; more than half of male voters (also 55%) voted for Donald Trump. Among young voters, the gender gap was even more...
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Navigating Youth Mental Health in the Digital Age
How can we support our boys’ well-being during a youth mental health crisis? How can we help them navigate life in this digital age? Katey McPherson has been working on these issues for years. Since we last talked in 2019, she and others have helped the state of Arizona pass a bundle of laws...
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Raising Boys Beyond the Man Box
Do you know what the “man box” is? Your boys do, whether they know the term or not. The “man box” is the set of expectations, perceptions, and behaviors that are considered “manly” in our society. In this episode, Jen, Janet, and Ted Bunch, Chief Development Officer of A Call to Men, explore the...
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Amy Lang Discusses Puberty, Perimenopause, & Neurodivergence
Puberty, perimenopause, and neurodivergence affects brains and bodies. And in two or more of those things are going on in our household at the same time…well, things can get particularly challenging, says Amy Lang, founder of Birds & Bees & Kids. Amy & Janet discuss it all in this ON BOYS episode...
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Janet & Jen on Life & Raising Boys
Raising boys isn’t easy. Living isn’t easy! But with patience, trust, and community support, it’s easier — & more pleasant. In this wide-ranging conversation, Janet Allison & Jennifer L.W. Fink , the hosts of ON BOYS podcast, discuss the reality of raising boys in 2024. Takeaways: Nobody has it…
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Andrew Reiner: What Boys Need
Boys need support, not disdain In June 2024, Andrew Reiner, author of Better Boys, Better Men: The New Masculinity That Creates Greater Courage and Emotional Resiliency, published an article entitled “Our culture’s trashing of boys & men is having toxic consequences.” In this episode, he and Jen...
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What Parents (& Boys) Need to Know About AI
AI — artificial intelligence — is already a big part of our everyday lives. We rely on it to help us get from one place to another. (GPS directions, anyone?) We use it to polish our prose. (Spell check and Grammarly, for instance.) Customer service chatbots and product recommendations based on...
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Uplifting Black Boys Benefits All Students
Young Black men and boys remain the most vulnerable student population in U.S. schools. That’s why David Kirkland, founder & CEO of forwardED, is asking educators to “put a deliberate focus on Black boys” this year – to uplift Black boys, of course, but also because research shows that addressing...
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Stop, Drop, Grow, and Glow with Holly Swenson
Stop, drop, grow, and glow? That’s Holly Swenson’s advice to parents. Swenson, a RN-turned-writer and mom of 4 boys (currently ages 10, 13, 15, & 15) was approximately seven years into parenting when she realized that “when you are taking care of yourself, you’re better able to take care of...
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Helping Boys Thrive at Any Size
Kids can thrive at any size, says Jill Castle, a pediatric dietician, parent, and author of Kids Thrive at Any Size: How to Nourish Your Big, Small, or In-Between Child for a Lifetime of Health & Happiness. Takeaways: Feeding kids in a healthy way can be challenging, but it’s important to raise...
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Overcoming Fears and Worries to Say YES
How can parents overcome their fears and worries so they can say YES to their boys’ interests and passions? That’s the question we discuss with Heather Sponholz, a “boy mom” who’s said yes to her teenage sons’ solo National Parks trips, MMA fighting, and ambitious Christmas lights project....
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“Be A Man” Project Helps Us Understand Teen Boys
SheKnows’ “Be a Man” project is an “exploration of what it means to be a man today,” says Erika Janes, a “boy mom” and SheKnows editor-in-chief. Importantly, the project includes teen boys and gives them an opportunity to share their thoughts about manhood and masculinity. Perhaps unsurprisingly,...
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What’s the Goal of Youth Sports?
What is the goal of youth sports? It seems like an obvious question with an obvious answer. Isn’t the goal to provide kids with an opportunity to play sports? And to develop skills, teamwork, and camaraderie along the way? Historically, those were indeed the goals of youth sport. Many parents &...
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Back to School w a 5th Grade Teacher
It’s back-to-school time! What does this time of year look like for you & your family? Does your son dread back-to-school? Do you? Or, do you welcome that start of a new school year? Rob Vaughn, a 5th grade teacher, is one of the (too) few male elementary school teachers in the United States....
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Steve Biddulph Discusses the Wild Creature Mind
The right hemisphere of your brain is your “wild creature mind,” says Steve Biddulph, the Australian author, psychologist, and family therapist known for his work on parenting and child development (including his seminal book Raising Boys). It is richly connected to our body & memories, including...
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Dr. Niobe Way on Reimagining Boys
Boys know that deep friendships are critical to mental health, says Dr. Niobe Way, a developmental psychologists who’s been studying boys for 40 years. But as boys move through their teenage years, many of them — as many as 70-80% — find it difficult to connect with other boys. Why? “Boy…
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Circumcision: Facts & Myths
Circumcision is a decision every boy parent must face – but what’s the truth behind the practice? Let’s break down the facts and dispel the myths. Culture & emotion influence circumcision rates Surgical removal of the foreskin of the penis is incredibly common in some cultures & very rare in...
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Understanding & Supporting Neurodivergent Boys
How do we best support neurodivergent boys? Approximately 12% of boys in the United States have been diagnosed with ADHD. About 3% are on the autism spectrum. 18% of boys have dyslexia. An untold number are gifted – &, of course, many boys are 2e, or twice-exceptional, with more than one of these...
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Jonathon Reed: To Connect with Boys, Listen
To connect with boys, you must first listen, says Jonathon Reed, program manager for NextGenMen. Societal expectations of boys & men are gradually shifting. These shifting narratives are part of why it’s so important for adults to listen to boys. Adults’ interpretation and understanding of...
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Dr. Lisa Damour: Connecting with Teens
Dr. Lisa Damour says that adults should consider the barriers boys face when it comes to emotional connection and expression. "Gender is such a huge force in how emotion is expressed, and perhaps even in how emotion is experienced," says Dr. Damour. "If a boy doesn’t feel that he has permission…
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Brendan Kwiatkowski: Connecting w Teen Boys
Brendan Kwiatkowski knows that connecting with teenage boys requires understanding, patience, and a willingness to create a safe emotional space. Kwiatkowski, PhD, a renowned researcher specializing in boys’ emotions, experiences, and masculinities, says that teen boys “assume most people don’t...
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Teacher Tom on Connections & Play-Based Learning
Teacher Tom says “kids haven’t changed at all” over recent decades. “Kids still need freedom to play, to follow their own curiosity,to ask and answer questions,and to learn how to get along with other people,” he says. Nurturing Kids & Building Connections The first five years of a child’s life...
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Women are America’s Safety Net & That’s a Problem for Boys
Women are America’s safety net. Women provide the vast majority of child and elder care and care for the disabled. Women do the bulk of home- and community-tending, and they create and reinforce the ties that bind us together. Most of that labor is unpaid — and the little that is paid is…
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Navigating Parenthood Beyond Stereotypes with Jaimie Kelton
Like most moms, Jaimie Kelton has “so many thoughts & fears on raising a boy.” “I question myself constantly,” says Jamie, host of The Queer Family podcast and mom to two children, a 10-year-old daughter & a 6-year-old son. She knows that gender is a social construct — and also knows that gender...
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Emily Edlynn on a Healthier Approach to Tech
Child psychologist Emily Edlynn says a healthier approach to tech is good for the whole family. As she wrote in her Substack newsletter, the currently popular shame-blame-restrict approach to social media, screens, and gaming isn’t working particularly well. Emily sas: Parents’ hyper-focus on...
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Adam Price: “He’s Not Lazy”
Dr. Adam Price’s book, He’s Not Lazy, is one that parents of teenage boys frequently recommend to each other. There’s good reason for that: He’s Not Lazy: Empowering Your Son to Believe in Himself addresses parents’ fears and concerns about their “unmotivated,” “under-performing” teenage sons.…
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BoyMom Ruth Whippman on Reimaging Boyhood
BoyMom Ruth Whippman has spent significant time reimagining boyhood. As a mom of 3 boys, she knows that raising boys today is a complex endeavor. As she writes in her book, BOYMOM: Reimagining Boyhood in the Age of Impossible Masculinity, “Boys in America (and worldwide) are going through…
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Connecting With Boys & Answering Your Questions
In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss: The end of an era (Jen’s last son finishes high school!) What Jen will NOT miss about having a kid a school How parenting is like labor & birth Transactional vs. relational communication Letting boys take control of aspects of their life Rebuilding trust...
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Opioids & Narcan: What You Need to Know
If you think you don’t know anybody who takes opioids, have you asked? Those are the words of Julia Pinksy, an Oregon-based mom who lost her son to an opioid overdose. “It’s been 10 years since he passed,” she says,”which seems unbelievable.” In the years since, Julia has devoted herself to…
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Do Schools Create “Problem Boys?”
Boys don’t do as well in school as girls. On the whole, they earn lower grades and more disciplinary referrals. You will typically find more boys in detention than at the top of the class. Are boys the problem? Is there something about masculinity, something about male biology that contributes to...
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FBI: Sextortion Targets Boys
Sextortion disproportionately affects boys. Between October 2021 & March 2023, the FBI & Homeland Security Investigation received more than 13,000 reports of online sextortion of minors. Most of the victims were boys. At least 20 boys have already died by suicide after experiencing sextortion.…
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About this show
Ever wonder why do boys DO that? Join co-hosts Jennifer L.W. Fink, mom of four boys, and Janet Allison, parenting coach & educator, as they explore and explain boy behavior. Their weekly conversations include a healthy dose of humor & insight, and feature take-away tips you can use right now, at home or in the classroom, to help boys grow into healthy, happy men. Whether your boys are teens or toddlers, you’ll find a big dose of support, encouragement and camaraderie at On Boys.
Hosted by
Janet Allison, Jennifer LW Fink