One-Act Play Collection 002 by VARIOUS

Stories this week include: Disturbed jogger maims malnourished lion cub. Ghostly apparition revealed to be map of the Sudan. 'Batman' sends fishmonger unwanted mermaid. Bird of prey sanctuary adds to it's 30-strong pack of huskies. Alex manages to contain the bloodlust... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Travelodge denies the use of necromancy to increase footfall. Roadside puddle becomes memorial to local hero.  Man fails to sell the virtues of washing twice a week to partner. Runner finally holds hotly-anticipated press conference after killing lion cub.  Rob fails to grasp the basics of mic technique... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Master of disguise steal thousands from blind pensioner. Novelty sex toy allows customers to f*ck themselves. Erotic encounter in national park ends in tragedy. Memory stick gets seal (faeces) of approval. Would you confront a penguin with a chocolate bar? Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Woman arranges lovely spread for children's party. Police straining for information in regards to portaloo theft. Rumours circulate that holy relic found in Primark sock. Ribbon cutting ceremony ends in disaster after official forgets novelty scissors  We experience some teething problems with the new setup... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Suspected shoplifter gets the porking of a lifetime. Joyrider saves women from the horrors of Strictly Come Dancing: The Live Tour Son spurned by parents after pursuing show truck dream. Deviant buys fabric conditioner. Now with added microphones! Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Former restaurateur denies living in house-themed restaurant. Man arrested on suspicion of smuggling after transporting emotional support kittens in trousers. A ****ing right-wing, ****ing attention-seeking, stupid ****ing comedian ****hole returns to Cornwall with new show. Supernatural marriage runs aground. Rob finally calls Alex out... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Reveller resolves to move in with canine lover. Spider takes hostage in stand-off with armed police. Papier-mache floral horse head left in hotel bed. Funfair gifts man stolen dodgem after slow and pathetic chase. We prepare for Alex's one-man show 'Blow My Recorder'... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Raging santa delights ravers. Local man has eggceptional breakfast. Unconfirmed rumours citing Les Dennis as true identity of Banksy quashed. Prisoner forced to endure Bambi like everyone else. Merry Christmas, one and all! Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Customer suspected of foul play. A taste of paradise invokes Christmas rage. Passenger whip-round raises money for replacement plane. Brighton & Hove City Council refuses to deny knowledge of surveillance pigeons. We introduce the concept of 'gulling'... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Desperate woman milks cat. Hotel chain rues lack of trained dolphins. Existential crisis halts court case. Proud couple reveal devastating wildfire to friends and family. We have a treemendous Christmas planned... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Police apologise following complaints regarding 'obscene and offensive' advert for identity parade participants. Yukuza to host community-theatre production of The Godfather Part II. Parish council unanimously approve game developer's proposed 'Woolfenstein' name change. Emotionally disturbed turkeys sent to recuperate in upstate New York. Rob gives a no holds barred account of life on the inside... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Man with nine life-size dolls struggling to find love. Cyclist with newly purchased mattress seduces big cat. Dutch man wastes everyone's time. Zoo sells off animals after Lego sculptures prove more profitable. We devise a new zoo-related feature... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Good samaritan gets lost in pipe organ. Rural town experiences unprecedented humvee showers. Police build case against Lego thieves. Hospital demands correction from newspaper stating patient was not entirely covered with human faeces. Alex attempts a Ecuadorian accent... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Woman involved in bee-zarre incident. Dilapidated holiday park blames customers for exposing shortcomings. City abandons artificial-moon plan after length of extension lead proves unworkable. Shopper who discovered cooked mouse in bag of rice told 'consider yourself lucky' by supermarket. Alex attempts to wrangle the peacock... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: 'Exotic' zoo opens plastic lawn ornament enclosure. Galleria dell'Accademia banned from Facebook over pornographic depiction of David. Ungrateful swan mocks fire brigade. Bank robbery ruins perfectly good game of Cops and Robbers. RIP C*cknose... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Recently discovered collection of vintage porn magazines takes some beating admits owner. Ryanair introduces first hail and ride domestic service. Police left stumped after driver fills entire car with tree branches. Lady Godiva wannabe gets haircut. Now with extra recorder! Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

The main headline this week: The Croydon Cat Killer is unmasked. The podcast is infiltrated by fake news... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Adult-only playground overrun by sugar-addicted toddlers. Unparalleled increase in big cat sightings near houses valued at £750,000 and above.  Recently opened 'Goat World' theme park unmitigated disaster. Operation Takahe lacking manpower. Rob is definitely not in prison... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Shoplifter gets testy after being apprehended by security guards. Supermarket demands victim pay for artisan ketchup used in distraction mugging. Dishevelled robin reluctantly agreed to authorised biography claims author. Fast food chain relieved to confirm that choking hazard was chicken bone. We enquire about recorders... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Onion-eating contest ends in tears. Allo Allo cast members spotted in Gloucestershire sparks fears of a reunion. Interspecies gay love affair immortalised in bronze statue. Headteacher hires burlesque troupe to apologise for pole dancer stunt. Alex sweats it out... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Vigilante with physics A-level shows journalist collection of severed limbs. Police make squirrel that terrorised man official mascot. Forlorn Irishman fails to take the hint. Woman contemplates otherworldly offspring. Alex makes a conscious decision to search the Internet for 'slut pig'... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Homeless man lands brand ambassador role with Wilkin & Sons Ltd. Long faces after woman refused service at drive-thru. Erotic bush gets deflowered. Man tries to enrol adopted son into pre-shoal. Rob lets the cat out of the bag...literally. Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Egyptian zoo unveils world's only zebracorn. Man attacked by rare churchyard-dwelling Pokemon. Police take convicted-criminal based satirical piece to Edinburgh Festival. High street store experiencing spate of novelty inflatable returns due to 'lack of usable holes'. We tremble before the mighty Thor... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Anonymous man fondles raw chicken. Royal Mail attempt to stop seagull going postal. New Happy Meal toy range proves extremely unpopular with customers. Neighbour mysteriously vanishes following dispute over vandalised pool. We discuss supermarket sexual favours... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Drunkard tries to snatch woman's furry companion.  Bears allowed to sh*t in woods again.  Spurned groom finds happiness in nearby field. Man brags about vast bird seed fortune to local paper. It's coming home... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Man blames failed relationship on ghost of 7-foot circus ringmaster. Woman caught shaving legs in communal hotel pool states hot tub was already full. Residents of Cornish town believe foul stench of rotting meat coming from Devon. Driver of mobility scooter claims that detailed Airfix model of HMS Vanguard caused hit-and-run. How do you like to kill your bobcat? Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Heroic boyfriend defends partner by throwing pillows at fox. PETA swoop to rescue already dead duck killed by boy. Sisters spot pensioner 'enjoying the view'. Company owners forced to apologise via news conference after employee repeatedly ordered lunch 3 mins early. We suggest an alternate ending for Last of the Summer Wine... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Beloved family pet starts sh*tting in woods. Mastermind behind elaborate mail fraud finally unmasked. Drunken raver left feeling sheepish after opportunistic theft on way home. FA Cup Final interrupted by mythical beast in local river. We ask the burning questions about the fall of Sodom and Gomorrah... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Woman takes photograph of literally nothing. Con artist ensnares elderly parents in lost car scam. Local sh*thole ruined by royal wedding detritus. Child stranded in Bali forced to hitchhike back to Australia. The Roland Rat impressions make an unwelcome return... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Peanut-addicted badgers lay waste to Scottish castle. Coconut arrested on suspicion of electoral fraud reduced to husk of former self. 'Equestrian Escorts' website shut down by police following multiple complaints. The 'Magnetic Rice' diet has attracted the attention of Millennials. We discuss the greatest decade... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Coleslaw sandwich eating burglar comes to sticky end. Honeymooning couple embark on once-in-a-lifetime trip to Torquay. Thug assaults man, swims to France. Robbing hoodies have bow and arrow confiscated by police. Rob goes AWOL... We discuss the latest release from Faecal Matter... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Motorcyclist stopped for speeding informs police that he has transcended the constraints of Road Traffic Law. Mindless vandals target bug hotel.  Richard Madeley claims Gallagher brothers burgled his house. Local 'zoo' forced to question the authenticity of vulture bought in car park. We discuss the latest release from Faecal Matter... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Massive hologram of Vladimir Putin wins election by landslide. Thamesmead Swan Patrol disbands after failing their sole objective. Freezing temperatures results in Southeastern trains running with minor delays of up to five hours. Operation Takahe investigating the disappearance of the White Rabbit of Barnes Bridge. Alex and Rob take a turn for the worse...  Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Country Park Assistant Ranger refuses to give up on the fairies. Romantic proposes to Pineapple in Greggs the Delicatessen. Joker brandishes sausage roll in offensive manner. Loyal emotional support hamster meets unceremonious end. We celebrate the passing of another year... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Jack Sparrow impersonator marries ghost of 300-year-old pirate. French police bring abrupt end to simian sightseeing trip. Man armed with slip of paper attempts post office robbery. Camel beauty contest organisers reluctantly drop swimsuit round.  We are still trying to raise money to replace our defunct microphone. Please donate what you can here. Thanks.  Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Butcher wielding blood sausage facilitates release. Woman calls RSPCA over slipper welfare concerns. Equipped father heads to park for some alone time. Local council takes drastic action to quell suspected dirty protest. Now with 50% more pointless, rambling chat! Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Thamesmead Swan Patrol (TSP) forced to reduce daily patrols due to lack of interest. Surprise surge in chocolate coin sales as confusion surrounding cryptocurrency grows. The Krankies defend 'lewd and offensive' pantomime performance with crass and obscene statement. Origin of Species to be revised after man cements microwave to own head. Also revealed: Rob is left empty-handed yet again... Wishing all our listeners a very happy Christmas and restful New Year! Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: The spectre of Robin Hood stages intervention for local UFO expert. Manhunt continues for crazed, pin-wielding fugitive. Travelodge to offer new donkey befriending service. Family rescued by coastguard after being caught 'swerving for a badger'. Also revealed: We investigate the difference between marshland and wetland (which is as dull as it sounds)... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Faecal connoisseur shaves dog. Pensioner discovers unexploded courgette. Newcastle man admits that pasty tattoo was a misteak. Homeowner mourns the loss of front lawn. Also revealed: The News Shopper has a new Editor-in-Chief... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Welsh defeat hostile octopuses. Remote village burns sacrificial wicker van to the God of broadband speeds. Bus company owner sacks entire workforce in order to follow dream or not owning a bus company. Papa John's sieg to distance themselves from Neo-Nazi endorsement. Also revealed: Always count your partridges... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Breaking News: Alex goes it alone for the final time... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Breaking News: Alex goes it alone...(Part 2) Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Breaking News: Alex goes it alone...(Part 1) Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Deadly sock discovered in Coventry bedroom. Local hero to publish explosive diary charting the biodegradable properties of plastic bags. Criminal gang charged with handling salmon in suspicious circumstances. Man has final game of hide and seek with police before arrest. Also revealed: We resurrect another pointless feature... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Welsh shopkeeper forced to admit that dogs cannot talk following extensive research. Morbid photo stunt damages priceless coffin. Narcissistic and fantasist brags of his 'f*ck off money'. Shock as Paranormal investigator reveals that haunted doll is haunted. Also revealed: We search faeces on Wikipedia for no discernible reason... Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Luddite uses petrol station. Possessed charity shop doll scapegoated for infidelity. Guinea pig 'deposited' in shopping centre bathroom.  Novelist and former landlord uses national newspaper to boast of her numerous achievements.  Also revealed: Alex’s powers appear to be failing him… Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: Forcible trout delivery destroys man's letterbox. Community group left bewildered after malicious attack. Charitable stranger donates untreated fox fur coat to shop.  DVLA accused of cowardice after backing out of trail by combat request.  Also revealed: We try to source a sixpence...   Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast

Stories this week include: King George III inadvertently takes social media by storm. Amazon's new delivery service proves wildly unpopular. Bride and groom fall short of having the time of their lives.  Crystal Palace mascot flies to Newcastle for job interview.  Also revealed: We discuss the eagerly awaited return of Mr Ames...   Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast  

Stories this week include: Croydon finally gets the hero it never deserved. Arkansas man gets biblical in the name of freedom. Internal investigation into police biscuit theft starts to crumble.  Magic money tree blamed for road littered with banknotes in Epping Forest.  Also revealed: Would anyone listen to a podcast called 'Bee Talk'?   Website: http://www.lapodcast.net/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LAPodcast/ Twitter: @LAPodcast