organized chaos (theory)

Happy Lesbian Visibility Weekend! If you catch a moan or grunt or two... that's my gift to the lesbians (｡･･｡) I swear I'm not farting, I have a new setup... ignore my chair, she's gassy I don't think I'll be able to watch spider-man across the spider-verse for a while... especially the part where Mona Lisa by Dominic Fike comes on *proceeds to say "god help me" and listen to the song five more times than necessary* I hope this goofball never finds my podcast... I'd be mortified some people should remain memories of the creativity journey after all

the million-dollar question this episode poses is... IS IT BECAUSE I'M AFAB OR IS IT BECAUSE I'M BLACK?! lemme clarify that the weather changes were extreme in every way too cold when it's cold = I usually run cold so PAIN so much PAIN (muscle aches)... too hot when it's hot = eczema flare-ups my body hated it there, I had to leave uni was a pro tho, no harassing lecturers but smelly STEM guys are EVERYWHERE I have found no escape yet Disclaimer: I am not of the opinion that anyone shouldn't make the move abroad. This is my experience & my journey to authenticity involves honouring my truth. I just want to see my country & the rest of Africa unshackled from neocolonialism and the slavery of the colonial mindset. We are rich, always have been, we just have a bunch of leeches sucking us to the bone.

I only stayed as long as I did cause of those scrumptious hugs... oh and not being sexualised or objectified lol that was lovely.

this women's history month, we are reminded of the might of the matriarchy... & the truth of Africa's history. Check out the Limited Series "African Queens: Njinga" on Netflix

DELULU LANEEE... I'M BACK BABY! with an extra sprinkle of cringe for all my lovely listeners ;) thank you so much for lending me your ears! you can have them back in a few minutes ;* (after you watch the music video {trust meee}) Music Credit: “Landline” by Binki

when you want what you've never had, in the end, it's never really clear whether you're just running away from what you know or you actually know what you want! it’s a messy beautiful life!

this queer history month, we sit with the fierce & quietly radical life of Bessie Head a woman shaped by exile... a mother navigating survival... a writer who carved entire interior worlds out of displacement & doubt through her novels & short stories, Bessie examined power, belonging, race, desire & the fragile architecture of identity her work remains sharp, intimate & unsettling in the best way this episode honours her voice, her contradictions & the legacy she left stitched across African literature the photograph referenced: https://porfinenafrica.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/bessie-head.jpg books referenced: When Rain Clouds Gather (1968), Maru (1971), A Question of Power (1973), The Collector of Treasures and Other Botswana Village Tales (1977)

still riding that Kevin trainnn! waittt... MAYBE it's because I never truly got the chance to ride...

take a messy spiritual journey with me into the strange, winding logic of people pleasing... it’s what we do out of perceived obligation, while love is what we choose, freely & on purpose somewhere along the way, the two got tangled & many of us started calling self-sacrifice connection in this episode, I untangle the mess & ask what it might feel like to choose ourselves without guilt because we all deserve to be chosen by our selves first, before being chosen by anyone else

take a mindful adventure with me down the memory lane of delusion as I continue "the Kevin series", sharing one of his firsts... and one of mine

somehow I forgot to mention that my highest self is love embodied & therefore is god to me. love, in its highest form, is not just in feeling but in action... a choice to grow, to care & to connect. drawing from bell hooks’ radical definition of love & Londrelle’s soulful meditation on intimacy, not as give/take, rather an experience of sharing, this reflection explores love as a powerful, spiritual force. together, our words illuminate how love reveals our brightest light when practised with consideration, respect & honesty, while also exposing the shadows of ego, desire & fear. this is a discussion about what we have been taught love is & the sacred practice of messy spiritual growth I actually believe it to be. Credits: Inspired by bell hooks (All About Love: New Visions) & Londrelle ("Intimacy" from "Sunflower Soul", 2018).

somehow I forgot to mention that chaos theory, with the butterfly effect at its core, shows how tiny, spontaneous sparks can ripple out & create surprising outcomes. organized chaos (theory) is where those small, curious moments collide, revealing hidden patterns, chance connections & a little magic in the everyday. so sit back & sip slow... the tea is still served hot, even when it's warm outside!