Paging Mr Potter

VICTORY LAP! After 7 long years we’ve finally reached the end of this goddam book 🥹 So for the last ever episode of Paging Mr Potter it only seemed appropriate to do a completely self-indulgent, Rogan-esque marathon pod full of back patting, celebratory toasts and many a stroll down memory lane. We also check in with our beloved potterphiles, countdown the finalists of the HOTTEST 100 HUFFLEPUFFS and proudly announce the WINNERS of the POTTERPHILE MEDAL at a very special, star-studded awards ceremony!Thank you so much to everyone who has stuck with this idiotic pod for so many years, we love you - the PMP Boys x

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SECOND LAST POD!! The PMP boys are mere inches away from the finish line. But before we pass the baton on to the muscular nazis and Beatles/ whisky aficionados that dominate the podcast airwaves we recap the biggest bloody hits of NRL season 2025, check in with some of the OG potterphiles and plan our last hurrah!

In our mad rush to clear the decks of a huge backlog of owl mail we predictably manage to ruin the lot of it 🙂 We also discuss tunnelling through the centre of the earth, undermine the legacy of a feminist icon, and touch on the dirty deeds of a man named Cheese

HOTTEST 100 HUFFLEPUFFS! This week two potterphiles have well and truly gone above and beyond, delivering not only one of the best seggies of all time, but the chance to correct the record after Triple J’s lackluster countdown didn’t include a single song from the Androids, the Superjesus, Christina Aguilera or Riordan. And with only a few pods to go, suddenly the Tom Riddlers are coming out of the woodwork...

We’re back and proud to announce one of the PMP boys has officially entered an exciting new chapter in his life… that’s right Riordan is a gamer now 👾 We also reflect on our misspent youth hanging ten, hooning around in our hot rods and watching endless Shrek. And as the world farewells the Hulkster this week a new muscle-bound adonis has risen to take his place… Borat?

A truly eggstraordinary experience befell an unsuspecting Riordan Lee while making breakfast the other day that has the PMP guys wondering, was this a miracle or conspiracy?? Also a Jewish lawyer, a deadbeat dad and a Japanese ghost fold a piece of paper 42 times… Have you heard this one? Find out what happens this week. And the Saad family/ Train saga continues to derail the pod

In this week’s potter power rankings we rank off all your favourite cancelled musical artists both in terms of talent and the severity of their crimes! We also lament the tragic deaths of hot people, revive a controversial PMP catchphrase and have a special message for the evil corporation that hosts this pod. And somehow the undisputed king of spin is still making headlines for his party boy antics from the great beyond 

RABBIT PUNCH: you may think common assault and rugby league just go hand in hand, but this week we got a showdown for the ages as an elderly man in a bunny suit squared off against a 9 year old child. Even the Prime Minister weighed in (despite having a federal election looming). Also on this week's agenda - smooching strangers’ bellies, eating rotten produce and rocking out to some Train with the family Saad!

After the success of last week’s pod where we discussed our strange OCD habits we were inundated with freaky tales from the potterphiles this week, whose abnormalities are not only weird and entertaining but also potentially very lucrative! We also give our flattering takes on the Twilight series and Survivor Australia, and find out where our very own Riordan Lee sits in the pantheon of all time great Riordans. And turns out we read the wrong page last week.

We’re 10 pods away from finally finishing this mentally ill podcast. So it's only appropriate that this week we discuss our psychotic techniques to enhance your daily routine, review some hyper-specific themed restaurants that can only fairly be described as very autistic, and of course, have a good laugh about addictive personality disorders and pathological liars! 

The NRL is finally back for 2025 and we review all the fanfare, excitement, tasering and drug-related violence of Vegas round in the rugby league. Plus Riordan has yet another amazing work story… and this time, its a genuine whodunnit

SLOUCHING TOWARDS HOGWARTS: the wheels are officially coming off this pod... we recorded this so long ago and just didn't upload it for ages 🤷 and it sounds worse than ever! Anyway I almost can't remember what we talked about but it was something about aquatic headwear , Elon's grubby surrogates, pooing your pants on a plane, and being touched sexually by strangers (for money)

The race for the coveted potterphile medal is well and truly heating up! Topping the pops this week are two of our most dedicated/ controversially named potterphiles whose beautiful PMP-based friendship pulls them into an early lead, just slightly ahead of the humble cup of java in second place. Meanwhile attentive parents, ironic acoustic covers and Lady Gaga all languish in equal last place

You might think after such a long break and with the world descending into chaos we’d at least have plenty of juicy news to sink our teeth into… but rather than try to compete with media titans like Piers Morgan, instead this week we lean into what we know best - niche scumbgas from the early 2000s, brazen public displays of racism and major malfoynctions!

Tis the season once again... and if this really is the last ever PMP xmas we simply had no choice but to get very drunk, drop some serious cash and discuss getting cucked by good old Saint Nick... We also talk about some lighthearted holiday topics like methanol poisoning and Michael Jackson, and find out which HP characters have been naughty and nice this year.

DUMBLE-DENY DEPOSE DEFEND: it’s only fitting this week that the PMP boys offer some kind condolences to the health insurance executive who was tragically kedavra’d in cold blood the other day. We also revisit a heterosexual anthem by (checks notes) the Village People and a civil rights anthem by (checks notes) Harry Belafonte and bring back a much loved game with a Draconian twist.

Uh ohhh this week some shocking allegations have come out against Australia’s most iconic shock jock, and this time… it’s CRIMINAL! We also commend Trump’s flawless cabinet picks and make a few handy suggestions of our own, and pay a long overdue tribute to the late, great Robin Williams. Also (unsurprisingly) JK continues to completely blow the most climactic scene of the book… 

CEDRIC DIGGORY-DOO!! The boys look into a new problematic British children's author, and for once it's not JK. The merits of slaughtering animals on live TV is also discussed and a Pottefile has painstakingly put together an amazing audio package for your listening pleasure.

With just over a week to go before the US presidential election, it’s fair to say we’re almost as sick of talking about Trump and Harris by now as we are Harry Potter… But our Hagridlection 2024 coverage wouldn’t be complete without briefly discussing Tucker Carlson’s deranged rally address, Obama's pretentious summer playlists, and Trump’s admiration for pro golfers’ giant hogs.    Plus we devise a plan to breathe life into some new half-baked seggies (and revive some old favourites) before the final pod

Without wanting to be crass, this week we discuss Lidia Thorpe’s balls of steel, our three limp penises, and put out the call to the listeners for some flappy tales. We also meet a mysterious new character Criag Philpott!

Unbelievably, it's 6 years to the day since we started the pod!! And with only 20 or so pages left we simply can’t afford to waste a single moment…That’s why we spent our precious time this week discussing the lost art of chimney sweeping, consuming human excrement, sex pests on onlyfans and of course the entire discography of Kate Ceberano

Nathan is off sick, but you know Droo and Riordan had to spit lava in the booth! This week, we scope out our competition by going through every podcast on the Spotify charts and declaring them all bad. We also discuss old man sex toys and help Kasey Chambers with a question she’s been wrestling with for decades.

MCGONE GIRL: curse you Father Time! How many more beloved HP stars will we have to bury before we finish this godforsaken pod?! Hopefully not too many especially considering our tribute to the late Dame Maggie Smith is even more shoddy and offensive than usual. We also have some timely advice for our Gen Z listeners, a long overdue condemnation of our Gen X listeners, and hear about Droo’s ‘fish out of water’ trip to Ibiza.

This week we discuss the beatification of Fatman Scoop and reflect on the life, career and hog of Cuban enigma/ man's best friend Pitbull! We also bring you the latest Republican political drama that is truly obscene even by their lofty standards. And impossibly dry Greek and Italian biscuits finally get their krumuppance...

You would be well within your rights to judge us for yet another extended/ unexplained absence… but before you do, just know that this time there is a truly shocking and legit explanation (for some of it) and yes it does involve the movie Alien: Romulus. But the upside is we have plenty to catch up on including the strange tale of a fox doing coke, the BOOM period of Christian-presenting rock bands, and another Trump assassination attempt with a decidedly Looney Tunes vibe about it. And we also journey into the heart of darkness that is Nathan’s instagram algorithm

BREAKING, BAD: what better way to extinguish our fleeting sense of national pride than to relive Olympics MVP Raygun’s truly mortifying breakdancing performance. And as the Paris Games draw to a close we reflect on the great nation of France - truly a land of contrasts… terrible, terrible contrasts… And in a particularly sprawling pod even by our standards we also touch on the demise of hot guys, JK’s awful boxing take, rising terror/ promiscuity levels, and eating bear meat. 

THE BIG O: On this page we discuss all the action and drama from week 1 of the Paris 2024 Games including Droo's crippling gold addiction, the most satisfying countries to crush in athletic competition, some highly questionable commentary performances, and a surprise appearance from Papa Smurf. And for even more inane coverage make sure you check out Riordan’s new pod ‘The Gaymes’!

Plenty to discuss again this week as we review the latest episode of US politics - did the writers jump the shark by killing off one of the main characters? How will the new Trump v Harris storyline play out? And what do we make of the zany cameos from Hulk Hogan, Matt Gaetz and and other RNC freaks? Plus find out what Matt Damon, Judge Judy and Kim Jong Il all have in common…

EMERGENCY BROADCAST! Guys seriously stop what you’re doing and listen to this pod. No time to explain but something BIG just happened to former President Donald Trump over the weekend. Click here to find out what! And with turbulent times ahead, we seek out inspiration this week from some of history’s most inspiring and iconic symbols of peace

This week we receive a masterclass in the art of persuasion from some of society’s most obstinate, pig-headed mf’s - namely Jetstar cabin crew, heavily demented presidential candidates, and middle aged white guys who love using the N word. We also investigate jazz musicians’ offensive nicknames, bring back some horribly outdated slurs, and dedicate a brand new game to the one and only Minerva McGonagall

HOT RODENT SUMMER: It's fair to say that gaunt, spindly vermin-boys like Timothee Chalamet, Jeremy Allen White and Peter Pettigrew have never been more popular in our culture… so what better way to celebrate the ‘hot rodent’ phenomenon than by pitching our new summer blockbuster featuring an all-star cast of ratboys! We also discuss different academic approaches to dick pick historiography before Riordan regails us with yet another unbelievable work-related mishap 

XXX FACTOR: Has sleazy record producer/ judgemental grouch Simon Cowell been secretly controlling global horniness for the last two decades? We think so.. And with the State of Origin series opener only a week away, we could ill-afford to have our preparations interrupted this week by creepy AI journalists, international meth traffickers, classic Hollywood racists and affable plumbers 🚽 

In light of Vincent Namatjira’s controversial portrait of Gina Rinehart we simply have to ask - does Australia have a disproportionately fugly ruling class? We also discuss how rock and roll can be used to fight racism directly caused by rock and roll, as well as beer bongs, foot fetishes, daddy/ daughter revenge and more of the standard fare really…

Who is the greatest rapper of our generation? What is the future of AI in music? And can the power of rock and roll save the world from ecological disaster? This week the esteemed musicologists of the PMP pod turn their minds to these and many more questions as we tell you everything you need to know about the state of modern music.  PLUS find out the hottest new baby names of 2024 (the answers may surprise you!)

Get ready for some truly groundbreaking comedy this week as dedicate a good 20 mins discussing what’s the deal with airlines?!? We also discuss some bold fashion choices in the wake of the garish spectacle that was Met Gala 2024, dig even further into US politicians’ weird relationships with dogs and propose some ironic punishments for the entire Stefanovic clan

Make sure you tune in to this week’s pod to avoid making an EMBARRASSING SOCIAL FAUX PAS as we help you navigate the perilous gray areas surrounding proper dinner party etiquette, the political implications of brutally euthanising your childhood pet, and the appropriate circumstances to bring a newborn baby to an orgy.  Also an all-time beloved seggie finally faces the chopping block…

ACTUAL TRIGGER WARNING The Bruce Is Loose! That is to say, the Bruce is a rapist. Nathan's away but that wasn't going to stop Droo and Riordan spending 50 minutes almost exclusively talking about one of the great Krummupance slash own goals ever witnessed. So roll away the (Philosophers) stone and crack open the Defamber of secrets, because as we always say, you can't defame a rapist.

EGG ON OUR NORKS: after unfortunate new details about Kate Middleton's condition came to light this week, will the PMP boys reconsider their position and perhaps walk back some of their recent 'defamebery' content, or foolishly double down in true PMP style? We also try to diagnose Hagrid's learning difficulties and serve some much needed Viktor Krumuppance to the mouth-breathing degenerates running around at Channel 7.

Consider this week’s pod our love letter to SHAME 🥰 🥰 a much maligned and misunderstood virtue, and possibly our last defence against the depraved horrors of tiktok culture...  We also discuss the follies of 'whistlecore' music, spicy food, horny AI, and rugby league entrepreneurship.

This week we try our hand at some Jungian dream analysis, delving deep into Riordan’s subconscious to find a surprise appearance from Michael Jordan and an even more surprising appearance from long-forgotten relic of Australian comedy - Akmal!  We also pay tribute to a beloved Harry Potter character who was the victim of an all-time snubbing at this year’s Oscars, dispel the myth that New Zealanders are funny and, in the wake of the Sam Kerr controversy, ask the timely question - is racial abuse always a bad thing? 

INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MYSTERY: this week we reveal the identity of the top Australian politician accused of being a Chinese spy, and while he may not be handsome or suave or even vaguely mobile like 007, he does have at least as much gross sex with foreign ladies 😬 We also talk about Churchill’s legendary love of platypuses and stimulants and Columbus’s legendary love of ramen and anime, as well as Diddy’s dastardly deeds!

This week we were lucky enough to witness Woolworths CEO Brad Banducci in full flight as he put on a masterclass in price gouging, media relations and just generally being a fresh food person 🥕 We also explore the tense relationship between security guards and frolicking gays, revisit an all time blunder from Hollywood’s night of nights and try to navigate the fine line between constructive feedback and child abuse 

Well I’m proud to say that this week we’re talking all about GASMS which is an absolutely feral and very stupid term that you may have never come across in polite society… but we’ll more than make up for it on page 207! We also extort some fanatical swifties, pick some fantastic beasts for our fantasy NRL teams and throw in a little equestrian chat just for good measure

No time to explain our insanely prolonged absence… we have to talk some serious 🏈🏈FOOTBALL 🏈🏈 specifically the grandiose spectacle that was Super Bowl LVIII with its multitude of thrills, spills and Sunday etc. And more importantly, with the rugby league heading to Las Vegas in a mere matter of weeks, what lessons can the NRL learn from the high-profile romance between Taylor Swift and Kansas City’s very own Dr Frasier Crane? 🥰  We also objectify Usher in frankly obscene fashion, inspect the Royal Butt, take the old time-shpinner out for a shpin, and meet another classic new character- Snaggletooth!

Ding dong merrily you weasley son of a humbug.. CHRISTMAS TIME IS HERE! 🔔🎅 And this year we have but one present for you - a very merry compilation of the highlights from all our xmas episodes for the past 6 years! See you in 2024

What’s that in the sky? Is it Santa’s sleigh? 🛷💫 No! It’s two brave lesbians in a crude flying contraption rescuing a family of endangered bin chickens... Tis the season once again 🎄🎅🎄🎅🎄 and as we look back on the year that was, we respond to our many critics by bringing you a complete compendium of all the 2023 highlights for the Paging Mr Potter podcast! We also forensically investigate the gruesome origins of Riordan’s festive hat and more highly suspicious rumours from our high school🕵️‍♂️  And of course we round off the year by announcing the naughtiest boy of 2023, our nominee for Time’s person of the year, this year's top Potterphile, and the much vaunted word of the year

This week we take a hatchet to a classic radio segment, mix in a healthy dose of that patented PMP razzle dazzle 🤪 and proudly present to you.. THE CHAMBER OF SECRET SOUNDS! This might just be our most cooked game yet... We also consider the advantages of being a homeless sex addict, rank off our favourite bears, and discuss whether exposing children to horrific crime scenes is a just punishment for trivial schoolyard misdemeanours.

This week we marvel at the elegance of the humble ponzi scheme and answer the million dollar question... was notorious sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein somewhat lacking in class? We also bust up Morgan Freeman and David Attenborough's narration duopoly and replace them with some crazy voiced freaks, and discuss the latest developments in 'hands on' animal conservation. And of course no podcast would be complete without a few handy tips to help your parents cum..

As calls for human rights and political action reached a fever pitch this week a very unexpected minority group took the opportunity to hit the streets and join in the fight for civil rights 🦊✊ We also interrupted Riordan’s romantic day off to discuss our favourite flavour of ‘Armins’, denounce a well-known Hollywood cannibal, and take incoherent babble to the next level with a game of ‘Peter Palindrome’