Paper News Out Loud
by Alternate Reality Productions
An absurdist news comedy that just might make you laugh. Come learn how the sun going supernova will impact your week and what to do if your children are magicked into cast iron skillets. Are you wondering how to put the ghosts in ghost peppers? We have the infusion recipe for you. There’s something for everyone on Paper News Out Loud.
Episodes
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Ep. 35 Weirden Your Horizons
If you don’t wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy. If you don’t rise and shine. If you would rather burrow deep into your bed until the sheets attach to your skin, this episode is for you. Learn the proud history of the American breakfast from notorious breakfast lover Diane, followed by...
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Ep. 34 The Solstice Is Nigh
If four horsemen herald the apocalypse, who heralds the winter solstice? That’s right, it’s Florence and Diane. Armed with t-shirt cannons filled to the brim with confetti, hearts full of love, and eyes devoid of pupils, they’ve come knocking on your podcatcher to spread the joy of the solstice....
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Ep. 33 The Gift That Keeps Giving: Leftovers
What has two heads and gobbles? Florence and Diane in this week’s post-Thanksgiving episode. Florence answers the big question, “Where did leftovers come from?” while Diane helps a helpless listener fix their cleaning conundrum. A little late for Black Friday, a fresh new stack of classifieds is...
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Ep. 32 One More Halloween Spooktacular
Bubble, bubble Diane’s in trouble. It’s Florence’s turn to Maggie cuddle. Happy Halloween from Paper News Out Loud! Only treats from our podcasters today. From the history of jack o’ lanterns to a spooky story to a very thorough walkthrough of proper carving techniques, you’re going to be in a...
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Ep. 31 I Write Recipes Not Tragedies
At night when no one else can hear, Diane sings. She sings for gooey, delicious, warm chocolate chip cookies to appear in front of her. When they don’t, she weeps. In this week’s episode, back and better than ever, Diane teaches us about the proud history of chocolate chip cookies. Then Florence...
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Ep. 30 Close Encounters with Mars and Meal Prepping
Once upon a time, Mars loved Earth so much that they just couldn’t stay away any longer. They moved closer and closer until they gently crashed into the blue planet and destroyed all the life on it. Diane takes us on an intergalactic journey through the mind of Mars and why it is just so darn...
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Ep. 29 Flower Lemon Mango Power (and puppies)
In an alternate reality, M&Ms are called A&As. That reality is terrible and people who live there are sad. Florence teaches us about where our favorite candy brands (probably) got their names. Then Diane helps out a lonely listener who just wants a little puppy to love, but before that, our...
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Ep. 28 Breaking! All! The! Records!
Guess which podcast just broke the world record for being the most informative podcast?!? Yeah, it wasn’t ours. Probably something put out there by NPR. Anyways, this week Florence teaches us all what we need to know about the Guinness Book of World Records and then some of the whackiest records...
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Ep. 27 The Galactic Naming Committee Presents...
It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s Florence and Diane! Our favorite podcasters return after temporarily being lost in time and space with a whole new fount of knowledge to share with their best friends (you all). Diane explains the complicated mechanics of how plane work, and then reveals to us the...
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Ep. 26 Ghost Ecology
The actual spooky thing about mountains is how they can read your thoughts, anticipate your every move, and remove you from existence at the snap of their rocky fingers. Maybe ghosts are the things to be scared of in this place. Our podcasters haunt our nightmares with some scary stories from the...
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Ep. 25 Stars and Death: That's All Space Has to Offer
Humans allegedly swallow an average eight spiders while sleeping. More alarming, spiders swallow on average eight planets in one sitting when they grow to their full strength. Florence weaves us a web of space conspiracy theories. A very special (slightly deceased) guest joins our podcasters for…
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Ep. 24 Social Scrolling Through Fitbit Betrayal
This episode is dedicated to Wanda, the committed FBI agent assigned to monitor Diane’s activity. Wanda - You’ve been there for us through thick and thin, from inside our phone cameras to the very FitBit on our wrists. Thank you for your years of service. In this episode, Diane enlightens us to…
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Ep. 23 A Farmer's Market Renaissance Under I-80
Clip this coupon and save 60% on your next podcast listen. Don’t forget to check out our other weekly deals! Florence teaches us about the revival of the farmers’ market. Our podcasters take us on ear-pleasing journey with this week’s community art. And finally, Diane helps out a consumer who’s...
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Ep. 22 Marshmallow Spring
Spring has sprung, and we couldn’t be happier! Complete with bunnies and marshmallows and Peeps, oh my! Florence brings the proud history of marshmallows and rabbits to light. Want to see Peep jousting? Check it out here: https://youtu.be/nMmyQF35e8U Or more of a Peep Show kind of listener?…
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Ep. 21 Living a Lie: The Blue Moon Chronicles
A hug a day keeps the doctor and possibly demented spirits away! Diane teaches us some healthy tips and tricks. The podcasters read off the latest and greatest classified postings in the alley. Diane takes us away from our troubles and up into the skies for this week’s Adventure in Astronomy....
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Ep. 20 Fitness Frenzy: Engage Your Core
At the end of the episode, we discover that our sweat was actually tears the whole time. That’s because this is our special edition fitness episode! Florence and Diane teach us why exercise and nutrition are important. Our podcasters walk us through a grueling workout. And finally, they remind us...
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Ep. 19 Kicking Ass and Naming Stars
Watch the skies, traveler, for the contributions of women are visible in the stars. Diane starts us off by celebrating just a few of the many women who have contributed to scientific discoveries. Then our hosts analyze last week’s planet parade and share their take on the top contestants.…
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Ep. 18 Botanical Bricks and Classified Kissing Tips
And to that I say, LEGO of the past and move into the future where toys are plant-based and life is good. Florence shares some exciting information about the LEGO Company’s plans for the future. Both our podcasters read through some recently posted classified ads. And Diane has more kissing tips...
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Ep. 17 Baby Shampoo is Made from What Now?
I scream. You scream. We all scream. For ice cream fun facts provided to you from your favorite podcast provider! Diane takes us on a journey through ice cream sandwiches’ brave past only to find the secret ingredient was love the whole time. Our hosts introduce you to a jazzy new word to bring…
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Ep. 16 Captivated by Youth and Aliens: An Insurance Guide
When the moon hits your eye like a big alien wayside, that’s amore. Doesn’t quite have the same ring to it… Florence teaches us about alien abductions throughout the last century and both newscasters provide helpful information about what is being done to stop further abductions. And Diane…
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Ep. 15 Ritual Galentine’s Card Making
Date Idea: Snuggle up on the comfiest surface in your home, crack open a bottle of grape soda and pour into two receptacles for drinking (maybe flower pots), and drift away into the soothing tones of your favorite podcast. Perhaps this podcast? Florence pulls at our heartstrings with the history…
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Ep. 14 Midwinter Holiday Break
If you listen to Paper News Out Loud on the third Wednesday of the Month and laugh exactly seven minutes in, spring will start early. Or something like that. Diane takes us on a historical adventure through the celebration of Groundhog Day. The newscasters interview a master of snacks. And…
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Ep. 13 Ghost Pepper Pudding Festival
What’s blue and red and whispers tales of doom in our ears between breaths all over? It’s the moon, of course! Florence educates us on an upcoming astronomical event. The newscasters get soothed by the sweet sound and smell of the latest community art submission. And Diane knows a thing or two...
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Ep. 12 Amazon Go to the Store
Lettuce take you on the shopping journey of your leaf. Diane brings up to speed on this modern era’s latest and greatest in shopping technology. The newscasters admire the fluff on today’s critter in pet corner. And they receive a letter from a dreamer in love looking for a few romance tips and...
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Ep. 11 Candles Can Be Made Out of Anything (Citation Needed)
What burns longer: a red candle or a green candle? Neither! They both burn shorter. Florence guides us on an illuminating journey through the history of candles. Our newscaster oh and ah over our first submission to community art. A scary story chills our bones, and APA is not match for Diane’s...
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Ep. 10 Hello, 2018 and Trolls!
We watched the sun rise on a new year. Hello, 2018! And what did we see? Trolls. Florence explains how we got our favorite phalange protectors. Our newscasting ladies try out a tasty new recipe. Diane guides us through time and space and disappearing planets. And both help out a friend looking…
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Ep. 9 Goodbye, 2017!
5…4…3…2…1 HAPPY NEW YEAR! Can’t wait to do this again in March. Florence shares some fun facts about our end of the year traditions. Both reminisce on the good times they had in 2017. And both know that they will stop going to the gym in two weeks. Our New Year’s resolution? To never record an...
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Ep. 8 Santa Tells All
Have a holly, jolly podcast! Everyone’s favorite not-quite human guest stars on the show. No, not Bob Barker. It’s Santa Claus! And she has a lot of stories, secrets, and gossip to tell. Florence shares the history of her favorite holiday drink. Santa talks about basic reindeer care. And both…
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Ep. 7 Snoplops in Retrograde
Shakespeare was actually an alligator who dressed up as a man to write plays and sonnets. At least that’s how the stories go. As of late, Diane has been eating a lot of insects and sleeping curled up under a heat lamp. Florence investigates further. Diane blurs the lines between astronomy and...
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Ep. 6 Good Ole Flesh Bodies
You think you hear a chair creaking? That’s not a chair creaking. That’s just a recording of a chair creaking. Florence debates whether ingesting parasites is the way to go to slim down for swimsuit season. Diane ponders what style of hat she would like to put on her new seal friend. And both...
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Ep. 5 Ticketmaster: We Don’t Want Your Children
Before this episode, an old wife came and whispered all her tales to our newscasters before she disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving a heaping plate of dinner and a handmade blanket behind. Florence and Diane discuss the life hacks to end all life hacks. Diane discovers a new mode of...
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Ep. 4 Plant Suit Riot
Want to hear a joke? Knock knock. Who’s there? Honeydew. Honeydew who? Honeydew you want to hear a garden joke! Diane teaches us all how to use plants to combat earthly pests and interdimensional space aliens. Florence wonders if one particular extinct cat could replace her beloved pet. And the...
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Ep. 3 The Comfort Zone
Hello, listeners. This is your favorite online product provider. We know you. We know when you’re sleeping. We know everything about you. *static noise* Sorry about that, listeners! Looks like the internet read our cookies and knew that we would be posting today so they wanted to send you a…
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Ep. 2 Pumpkin Spice Marshmallows
We love you a latte. Wait, what? Is it too soon? False, it’s never too soon for pumpkin spice lattes. Florence and Diane wish PSLs Happy Birthday, Diane still wonders if she has enough friends to sit on a giant, flightless bird, and—once again—both of our favorite newscasters share their...
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Ep. 1 Netflix and Chill
What do Netflix, sea cows, and layer upon layer of makeup all have in common? They’re all in this episode, of course! Florence and Diane take you on a news-venture through time and space to discover secrets about Netflix… and themselves. Florence discovers the Netflix movies of her nightmares,...
About this show
An absurdist news comedy that just might make you laugh. Come learn how the sun going supernova will impact your week and what to do if your children are magicked into cast iron skillets. Are you wondering how to put the ghosts in ghost peppers? We have the infusion recipe for you. There’s something for everyone on Paper News Out Loud.
Hosted by
Alternate Reality Productions
Categories