PODCAST · health
Queen City Poly
by Coach Kay & Brian O'Neil
Queen City Poly is a podcast dedicated to connecting real people with real solutions for their relationship goals. Focused on communication, consent, and autonomy, we discuss polyamory and ethical non-monogamy as well as broader topics concerning open relationships of all structures and configurations (polyamorous and otherwise). We also call on monogamous friends and special guests to share their views on love, sex, family, psychology, sociology, and other tangents that spark our curious minds. Based in Queen City (Charlotte, North Carolina).
Episodes
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Ep. 45 - Biphobia within Polyamory
On episode 45, Brian O'Neil and Coach Kay discuss polyamorous folx who have sexual orientation "preferences" for their partners, gender "preferences" for their potential metas, and the bi-phobia and bi-erasure that happens even within so-called, open-minded polyamorous communities. Tune in to...
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Ep. 44 - One Night Stands
Brian O'Neil & Coach Kay discuss the general consensus among the polyamorous community (ha!) about one-night stands. They answer questions such as: Would you be upset if your partner had one and told you about it afterwards? Do you expect to be able to have one without any drama from your...
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Ep. 43 - Hierarchy
On episode 43, Coach Kay and Brian O'Neil discuss prescriptive versus descriptive hierarchy, relationship anarchy, and a special form of hierarchy, SNEAKARCHY.
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Ep. 42 - Nesting Partners
In episode 42, Brian O’Neil and Coach Kay talk nesting partnerships and the assumptions that come having or not having partners who you cohabitate with.
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Ep. 41 - PDA and Polyamory
You arrive to a bar and see your polyam partner in an embrace with a stranger. Their arms around this person's neck. This person's arms around your polyam partner’s waist. Just a couple of inches between their faces. Clearly they are in a flirtatious moment. The question is, is this acceptable...
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Ep. 40 - Communicating Non-Consent
In episode 40, Brian O'Neil talks openly about being touched non-consensually following a recent standup gig after he talked about his polyamorous relationship style on stage. We sat down to talk about this experience as well as his experience sharing his story on Facebook. Women are not immune…
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Ep. 39 - New is No Excuse
In episode 39 of Queen City Poly, Brian O’Neil and Coach Kay discuss examples of “seasoned” polyamorous people accommodating newly polyamorous partners with rules and agreements that threaten their own autonomy and do not serve their or their new partners needs.
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Ep. 38 - Polyamory Or My Marriage
In Episode 38, Brian O’Neil and Coach Kay talk about Brian's internet friend who is exploring the idea of polyamory but does not know how to get through to her husband, who is not having any of it. But before they dive into responding to that difficult situation, they discuss the popular mantra,...
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Ep. 37 - The Law of Fuck Yes or No
In Episode 37, Brian O’Neil and Coach Kay discuss Mark Manson’s blog article titled, Fuck Yes or No. The Law of “Fuck Yes or No” states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, they must inspire you to say “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them. Check…
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Ep. 36 - Communication Preferences and Compatibility
In Episode 36, Brian O’Neil and Coach Kay talk about how communications preferences impact compatibility, including: requiring daily communication, feelings regarding small talk, preferred communication modes (face-to-face, text, phone), needs for intellectually stimulating conversations, sense…
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Ep. 35 - A 'Throuple' Joins the Red Table
The unconventional path is windy one. Polyamory is a valid relationship style that is more than just having multiple sex partners. Monogamy is a valid option but not the only way to go. You can craft your own non-monogamous relationships and create the life you want, one step at a time. You may…
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Ep. 33 - Red Table Talk talks Infidelity with Esther Perel, and we LOVED it.
On episode 33 of Queen City Poly, Brian O’Neil & Coach Kay talk about the latest episode of Red Table Talk with Esther Perel. Watch the episode yourself on Facebook Watch and then listen in to what we loved about this episode and what we thought of the conversation.
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Ep. 32 - The Honeymoon Phase or Normal Behavior?
A viral tweet from late last year that continues to recirculate states, “The honeymoon phase doesn’t exist when you fall for someone who is dedicated to making you feel loved and admired the ENTIRE time you’re theirs. Stop normalizing the loss of affection in relationships, that is a choice, not…
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Ep. 31 - 17 Reasons Why I Want More Polyamorous Representation
There are many reasons why we need more (and better) polyamorous representation. In episode 31, Brian O’Neil and Coach Kay discuss 17 of them! Do you have any to add? What do you think of the list so far?
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Ep. 30 - I Just Don’t Want You to Get Hurt.
It’s hard to stay out of the way and watch a person you love navigate the perilous dating scene, making decisions differently than you would. It can be tempting to offer up all kinds of unsolicited advice and encouragement. You may believe you are just trying to protect them with helpful...
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Ep. 29 - Polyamorous, but not actively dating…
In episode 29, Coach Kaey and Brian O’Neil discuss how one manages their ethically non-monogamous identities while balancing all of their other goals and struggles of everyday life. When you are not actively dating (and have less than two partners) do you feel less polyamorous? Where does dating...
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Ep. 28 - Alzheimer’s and Non-Monogamy
In episode 28 of Queen City Poly, Brian O’Neil and Coach Kaey share some news about finger guns in the Charlotte comedy scene as well as Brian’s latest attempt at talking to a pretty lady. Then the duo discuss the recent controversy about B. Smith and Dan Gasby’s marriage. B. Smith and Dan Gasby...
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Ep. 27 - Middle Ground
Is it possible to love more than one person? What roles do jealousy and attraction play in relationships? What makes a relationship work? Jubilee Media brought polyamorous and monogamous people together to discuss their beliefs on love in season two, episode five of their show, Middle Ground. In...
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Ep. 25 - Nothing Serious
Coach Kaey has been swiping right and now she has a question for Brian O’Neil. What exactly does, ‘I’m looking for casual, nothing serious’ mean?
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Ep. 24 - What Was This Episode About?
In episode 24, Brian O’Neil and Coach Kaey ramble with their coffee about sexual orientation, bi and pan erasure, same sex attraction, sexual confidence and compatibility, porn, consent, gender norms, religious education in the south, marriage, children, and how Brian O’Neil and Coach Kaey differ...
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Ep. 19 - You're Poly?
In this episode, Brian O’Neil and Coach Kaey answer a listener question on how to handle a polyamorous-identified person that doesn’t seem to want their partner dating others. It’s a common myth that polyamorous people are more enlightened than monogamous people. We dispel those myths while Brian...
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Ep. 18 - Who Pays?
In episode 18, Coach Kaey and Brian discuss how they have managed money in previous relationships. Polyamorous or not, money and relationships intermingle, but a taboo exists when it comes to talking about it. This week on Queen City Poly, Brian O'Neil and Coach Kaey answer questions like: Who…
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Ep. 17 - Brian's Poly Anniversary
In episode 17, Coach Kaey asks Brian to reflect on his two year anniversary of ethical non-monogamy. How have his views on love, relationships, sexuality, women, dependency, and more changed since he began his journey.
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Ep. 16 - Meeting Metamours
In episode 16, Brian O’Neil and Coach Kaey discuss the awkwardness of meeting your metamours. What's a metamour? A metamour is your partner’s partner. The duo tackles expectations when meeting a metamour and communicating your boundaries inside this type of relationship.
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Ep. 15 - When Enough is Enough
In episode 15, Brian O’Neil and Coach Kaey discuss when enough is enough in relationships. We all have our different reasons for leaving and for staying, but knowing our own boundaries and those of our partners is extremely helpful. Our diversity in values and personal experiences shape our...
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Ep. 14 - New Relationship Energy (NRE)
In episode 14 of Queen City Poly, Brian O'Neil & Coach Kaey discuss New Relationship Energy (NRE), the strong, almost giddy feeling of excitement and infatuation common in the beginning of a new romantic relationship, which can lasts anywhere from a few months to several years. We’ve all felt…
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Ep. 13 - Catching Feelings
Brian O’Neil and Coach Kaey celebrate a new chapter that is both exciting and terrifying. Brian O’Neil is still obsessed with where Lee surrendered to Grant during the Civil War and Coach Kaey still does not care. In episode 13 of Queen City Poly, Brian O’Neil and Coach Kaey dissect the dark...
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Ep. 12 - Mental Health & Polyamory
On episode 12 of Queen City Poly, Brian O'Neil and Coach Kaey discuss the importance of good self care when managing mental health illnesses and crisis within polyamory. How does having multiple relationships change your mental health care routines?
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Ep. 11 - Ethics & Values
In episode 11, Brian O'Neil and Coach Kaey discuss their own ethics within their polyamorous relationships and potential deal breakers when it comes to potential partners. Check out episode 11 to find out why @iambrianoneil is comfortable dating a republican and @coachkaey is okay with dating an...
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Ep. 10 - Input or Control?
How much input does/do your partner(s) have on your other relationships? As much as you let them…
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Ep. 9 - WTF is Micro-Cheating?
In episode 9 of Queen City Poly, Brian O'Neil and Coach Kaey discuss the term "micro cheating." What does it mean? Is it a thing? Should you care? What are the implications of policing any and all of your partner's opposite sex interactions?
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Ep. 8 - The Boy Is Mine
In this Valentine's Day inspired episode, Brian O'Neil & Coach Kaey invite you to travel back to the 90s and early 2000s and explore monogamous themes in some of their favorite throwback jams. We hope you enjoy! Comment and let us know what songs we forgot and what songs you want us to review…
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Ep. 7 - Infidelity
Brian O’Neil & Coach Kaey discuss infidelity and go off on relationship tangents like a the Gemini Sun/Gemini Moon pair that they are. To know more - listen to the episode!
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Ep. 6 - Challenging the Patriarchy
Brian O'Neil & Coach Kay discuss feminism and patriarchy and how men can help women/help with stigma associated with sexually liberated identities. Brian O'Neil reads Rudy Francisco's Poem ,“Altar,” and have a conversation about how men can talk to men about what women want in a constructive way....
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Ep. 5 - Coming Out
In episode 5, Brian O'Neil and Coach Kay discuss the process of coming out as polyamorous and how it differs from the coming out process of LGBTQ folks. Do you need to come out? Will anyone poison your cereal? Find out the answers to these questions and more when you check out episode 5 of Queen...
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Ep. 4 - Impermanence & Polyamory
In episode 4, Brian O'Neil & Coach Kay discuss Buddhism, the concept of impermanence, and how that reality of life relates to relationships whether monogamous or polyamorous.
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Ep. 3 - Poly Love, a Documentary - A Review
Brian O'Neil & Coach Kay review Poly Love, an 2016 documentary by Michelle Flores. Be warned, there are spoilers in this episode, so if you want to see the documentary first, watch it now on Amazon Prime.
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Ep. 2 - Seeking Community
Why is leaving a track of broken hearts is especially problematic in polyamorous dynamics? Multiple relationships is not an easy road of settling down into bliss. It takes constant communication and checking in. But for those of us that want an ethical, non-monogamous life filled with love, it's...
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Ep. 1 - Welcome to Queen City Poly
Coach Kay & Brian O'Neil introduce themselves and kick off the first episode of Queen City Poly. In this episode, Coach Kay & Brian O'Neil discuss their polyamory origin stories and a bit about who they are and where they come from. They also discuss Spike Lee's new Netflix series She's Gotta…
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
Queen City Poly is a podcast dedicated to connecting real people with real solutions for their relationship goals. Focused on communication, consent, and autonomy, we discuss polyamory and ethical non-monogamy as well as broader topics concerning open relationships of all structures and configurations (polyamorous and otherwise). We also call on monogamous friends and special guests to share their views on love, sex, family, psychology, sociology, and other tangents that spark our curious minds. Based in Queen City (Charlotte, North Carolina).
HOSTED BY
Coach Kay & Brian O'Neil
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does Queen City Poly have?
Queen City Poly currently has 45 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is Queen City Poly about?
Queen City Poly is a podcast dedicated to connecting real people with real solutions for their relationship goals. Focused on communication, consent, and autonomy, we discuss polyamory and ethical non-monogamy as well as broader topics concerning open relationships of all structures and...
How often does Queen City Poly release new episodes?
Queen City Poly has 45 episodes. Check the episode list to see recent publication dates and frequency.
Where can I listen to Queen City Poly?
You can listen to Queen City Poly on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts Queen City Poly?
Queen City Poly is created and hosted by Coach Kay & Brian O'Neil.
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