Raising the Resilient Athlete

Topics covered:What makes a sore loser? The difference between healthy competitive drive and unhealthy responses that get in the way of playWhat's happening in a kid's brain during a tough loss or bad play — and why it's not the moment to teach life lessonsThe "wait out the storm" approach — how to offer physical comfort without coddling, and why timing mattersAge-appropriate strategies — what support looks like for a 5-year-old vs. a 10-year-old vs. a teenagerWhat NOT to say after a loss ("You're fine," "You'll get them next time") and what to do insteadThe role of proactive preparation — setting expectations with your team before the game and using cues or signals in the momentPracticing losing — Betsy's approach of intentionally beating kids at games in therapy sessions to build the skill of handling disappointmentParental accommodation — how yelling at refs or emailing coaches can backfire, and how to support kids without taking overFamily core values as an anchor — how defining and revisiting them creates a north star for kids in competitive momentsCoach behavior on the sidelines and its outsized impact on kids' emotional regulationKey takeaways:Losing is a skill. It has to be practiced.You are the co-regulator — your calm is contagious (and so is your dysregulation).Kids aren't hearing your words in the heat of the moment, but they are watching you.Small wins count. Progress isn't all-or-nothing.

Raising the Resilient Athlete — Episode 1: The Nervous NellyIn this debut episode, host Rob sits down with child and family therapist Betsy Carmichael (Alvord Baker & Associates) and Carl Ehrlich, founder & CEO of Flag Star Football and former Harvard football team captain, to talk about nerves, anxiety, and how sports can be a powerful training ground for life.What We Cover:Nerves are good — Why being nervous before a big moment is a sign you care, and why we shouldn't want to eliminate nerves entirelyWhat parents get wrong — The instinct to say "it's no big deal" or "you'll be fine" and why that backfires every timeValidate, then express confidence — The two-step approach that actually works: acknowledge the hard feelings and express belief that your child can handle them (not that they'll succeed — that they can handle whatever happens)Proactive vs. in-the-moment strategies — Why you can't coach kids through a meltdown in real time, and how to build the plan before the storm hitsBehavioral rehearsal — How to practice the hard moments (car rides, pre-game routines, even dropping the ball on purpose) so kids have tools when it countsWorry brain — Betsy's concept for labeling anxious, unrealistic thinking and giving it less power by externalizing itThe debrief / postmortem — Why the post-game conversation matters as much as the prepRewards & praise — Why tangible rewards aren't dirty words, how praise is the most powerful reinforcer, and how to transition kids from external to internal motivationSports as a microcosm for life — How the reps kids get on the field (tolerating loss, recovering from mistakes, sitting with uncertainty) translate directly to academics, careers, and adult challengesKey Takeaways:Validate the feeling first — "That sounds really hard" — before anything elseExpress confidence that they can handle discomfort, not that they'll succeedBuild a plan proactively, not in the heat of the momentUse behavioral rehearsal — involve all the sensesDo a postmortem after hard moments to build a narrative of resilienceBe an emotional scientist, not an emotional judge — get curious, not reactiveGuests:Betsy Carmichael — Child & Family Therapist, Albert Baker & AssociatesCarl Ehrlich — Founder & CEO, Flag Star Football; former Harvard Football captainNext episode: The Sore Loser