PODCAST · comedy
Rats In The Gutter
by Sam Te Kani & Johanna Cosgrove
Auckland, the Babylon of Australasia. Home to award-winning creatives/ aspiring Jezebels Sam Te Kani and Johanna Cosgrove. Join them as they navigate daily life in a gorgeous South Pacific necropolis here at civilization’s end. Not deterred in the least by back-to-back lockdowns and a shortage of worthwhile intimacies, Te Kani and Cosgrove barrel headfirst into themes and experiences any modern twenty-something will recognise. From finding love when every other guy is a flakey bisexual, to the ego disorders of our noted socialites, and minor takeout addictions. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Episodes
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Hessian Skort
Behind the paywall the rats discussed the importance of Journeying, and this side, where the freebies never cease, they discuss Learning, a symptom of journeying, but also not a given. The lessons must be EARNED. Like, realising ‘things’ in your thirties, which some (meaning anyone in their early...
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Fear and Loathing at the VMAs
In this dystopian fever dream we call reality, with everything worsening apace (faster than a forgotten cube of Colby in the back of the fridge) it’s easy to forget that we once had different aspirations, that we once expected a rising gradient of liveability from our world, and not the…
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Dirty Work or Hardly Working
Because this is nothing if not a searing political podcast holding power to account with a smorgasbord of stolid sources and bonafide facts, the rats would be remiss not to mention Nicky Hager’s latest blockbuster Dirty Work, in which a concerned citizen (aren’t we all) finally takes down The…
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Hoard of Smaug
to ask the question is AI art even art, a working definition of art itself has to be established. Which is far too labour intensive a task for the rats this week, who are battling their own personal demons, none of which have anything to do with the ongoing culture wars lol. On the table for the...
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Crumbs from the Factory Floor
We are haunted. Haunted by futures that never happened. So says mark Fisher, of Capitalist Realism fame. This week, the rats get critical and robustly discuss Fisher’s Hauntological musings, in which the despair of cancelled utopian futures filters down into production choices in popular music....
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Plane Person
The rats are beleaguered besieged and generally against it but defy some very material odds and physically reunite in Big Daddy’s studio for much delayed session of grievance airing. Which this week includes; a generational loss of moral objectivity, taking things in good faith (cough), the…
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Fuck It.
Anti bullying doesn’t sound like something the rats would be into. And it isn’t. But for a brief moment, one of the rats was poised to be its spokesperson in an already saturated market of travelling virtue signallers; like troubadours but more patronising. Also on the agenda; the gung-ho…
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Nepo-leon Dyna-might [be nice to inherit a career in the arts]
What is nepotism? Is it something the rats should feel sore about being born without, or can they live and die without it? It looks like a sweet enough ride from the outside looking in, but in all seriousness, what’s in a name? Also on the agenda for our freeloaders this week; how Charli XCX’s...
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Pennywise
Happy Fourth of July! Just kidding. There’s no way either rat would ever attach positive affect to a day celebrating the most obnoxious landmass this side of Pangea (and wasn’t SHE a bitch). But the rats WILL settle for shitting on its golden child Taylor Swift whose wedding, despite being a BIG...
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Smoke Signals
Holy mackerel, what the effing eff is wrong with this country? Referring of course to the vermin issue NZ is currently facing. The vermin in question? Not your usual bright eyed fluffy tailed hosts, but one neoconservative Christian asshole, a reverend (is he?) B. Tamaki whose recent vitriol—a...
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Diabolical Hollowed Out Face of Cuntville
Well holly friggin moly if the apocalypse train hasn’t already left the station, which it has, and gosh darn it don’t we have whip lash. And to think, we’re BARELY into phase one of the reptilian terraforming procedure, and the rats already feel like calling parley with the overlords; if only...
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Crustaceous Acrylics
This week, Johanna describes the best live performance she’s ever seen in her life—which is saying something, as a seasoned performer herself, and someone very much in the world. It’s a piece called A Year Without Summer by a recently internet-famous artist, thanks to a performance at the Venice...
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Bartleby The Gooner
Well, as winter descends and New Zealanders retreat into Bronte flavoured gothic doldrums, some turn to the familiar for comfort, the known, the whimsical. And for the rats, this can sometimes mean indulging in a slightly embarrassing but mostly innocuous nostalgia watch of Adventure Time, which...
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The Blizzard
Jesus H Christ is it a crime to be messy these days or what? Seriously, the optimisation metrics, this ideology of converting every micro-event into revenue is becoming very effing suffocating. Like seriously, is there no inch on god’s green (ish) earth safe from the parasitic reach of The…
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Rerun: FEATURING EMMA GLEASON
In honour of Tāmaki Noir tonight being hosted by Emma and featuring Samuel here's an episode from the back catalogue. a refined and amiable guest - this week we talk to journalist Emma Gleason about life, love, and the dystopian abolishment of truth in a media landscape that has no center. Delve...
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Rerun: Gayz In The Gutter: Live
A flashback to when Chris Parker and Eli Matthewson joined forces with Rats In The Gutter’s Johanna Cosgrove and Samuel Te Kani. This special one-off live event, we tempt the lawyers by covering modern Pride, recent break ups and gay All Blacks. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more...
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RERUN: Vices
RERUN: The Rats are taking a much deserved recording break, please enjoy this episode from the back catalogue. In this introductory episode, Samuel and Johanna explore their many indulgences toeing the line between self-care and self-harm, including (among other things) sex toys, weak white men,...
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Vigorous Thai Fingers
This week the rats acknowledge that they’ve had something of a hiatus, without offering apology. The world is coo coo crazy right now and if the most charismatic gutter-creatures in the southern hemisphere (ask anyone) feel like taking a break, then they’ll damn well do so, without seeking…
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Throbs and Leaks
The body keeps the score, and this week the rat-bodies are bedraggled, bewitched, bewigged, and decidedly simian. Which is to say, despite recent salmonella attacks (taking out both towers) the rats are present and ready to tour anyone who’ll listen through the jumble-bin of a week-in-review.…
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Chaste
The spiral continues! Though getting out of bed at the moment feels like the effort equivalent of pulling wooden splinters out of your own sphincter, the rats (along with billions of other misguided humans on this planet) are doing it anyway—and how! Despite our Sisyphean misgivings about being...
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PEDDLING FICTIONS
This week the rats are cinephiles and snap review The Moment, which they were lucky enough to see an advance screening of at Avondale’s illustrious Hollywood Theatre. The verdict? A not quite scathing enough meta-comedy about the cultural death of mass entertainment, and the slaughter a certain...
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Disappointed
So many things to be disappointed by, so little time. At the top of the list this week is Gaga’s murky position on Israel, because we think the lady doth NOT protest as much as she could be protesting. Being an ally of white gays is a serviceable pass up to a point, and that point is most...
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hypoxia
Soooooooo everything’s totally cool and normal right now aye, like definitely so chill that anxiously masculine influencers are looksmaxing which is another way of saying trying to look even more European than they already do, making mogging and the like a kid-friendly introduction to eugenics…
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Faggs Coffee Filters
Oh dear, it looks like we’ve been so desensitized to horror that full disclosure doesn’t mean diddly (doesn’t mean DIDDY) any more. Like, what even is happening with the Epstein Files? The rats don’t personally go in for annual bingo cards because they’re adults and not dead-eyed youths reducing...
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It Do Be Rdiddled
Welcome back to the gutter where the living ain’t easy and the joys of scraping by are . . . well, few and far between. But like, ‘community’. And like, ‘therapy’. Because while everything is on fire you can at least anaesthetise with self-care and yet another instalment of whatever the…
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fetid forever wars
Here we are in the new year, and any hopes of an improvement over the cluster fuck of 2025 are well and truly shot to shit. Because apparently we’re all expendable when it comes to the resource grabs of sycophantic billionaires. Bleating sheep marching obediently to the slaughter (sooooo brat...
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Semiotic Wasteland
Wow, what a year this week has been! Just when you think the stink of western madness couldn’t get thicker on the air…it does. But anyone living on this side of 9/11 knows already that it can always get worse; and just in time for Christmas! One of our favourite things to do over the Christmas...
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We Like To Watch
The rats are in mourning this week as Jimmy D, perhaps NZ’s last source of spiritually consistent urban gothic, closes its doors. As longtime fans of death-eater adjacent hotness, we feel the loss, and pity New Zealanders who wouldn’t bat an eye, and who clearly never grew up with the kinds of...
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Negative Space
It is officially Wicked Season and if you’re not a shrill femme jumping on the Ozian Express and getting your landing strip dyed a pleasing shade of verdigris, are you even ALIVE??!! Arguably, as our producer has pointed out, the true cinema of Wicked is the press tour, and by golly if Cynthia…
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Cthulhu Girls Do It Better
There’s something rotten in the South Pacific (it’s cops, we’re talking about cops). Recent salacious pedo-adjacent revelations in NZ’s law enforcement aside, there is just SO MUCH to cover here at the end of everything, and the rats feel so honoured to have an avid listenership to join them in...
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David and Jonathan and Saul
WARNING—contains a full minute of dead air as Johanna leaves the studio for a spew. A prerequisite of living in the gutter is humility—which, this week, Sam and Johanna seem to be in short supply of. Maybe we can blame the fact that narcissistic personality types are the new normal, or maybe it’s…
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Kish Kash Kosher!
Get ready non-paying listeners (cough; no shade) for a very special and hopefully consistent-hereafter Agony Aunt section in which we answer your queries qualms and primal screams. Well, we do our best. As we see you have; your responses to our calls for willing plaintiffs has been voluminous and...
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Ghana Boy
Hello there, our beloved and non paying listeners. This week the rats weave and wend their way around a world teetering on total shit fuckery (some would say we’re already there, or have been ever since the Iron Lady mainstreamed pillaging public infrastructure for the benefit of a ruling elite;...
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Everything is (not actually) Romantically
Everything is faaaaaaaarked. And yet, the rats are here. Picking the carcass of the west for views and likes. This week, Winnie Peters is a big brown anti christ! Doxing is not all good, but self-hating brownies who live in glass houses (or the beehive) should NOT throw stones (cough cough lol)....
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Just a LUSH RAVISHING ARRESTING SHE/HER
Another day, another National bequeathed nightmare. And yet more fixation on the unbearable incompetence of Nicola Willis. I know I know blaming a single person for the ruinous policies of an entire party is a bias, and in this particular instance borderline misogyny. But at this point we’re…
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Melbourne vs Auckland
This week, Melbourne vs Auckland. Which is better? Just kidding; it;’s obviously Melbourne. And yet the rats, being measured journalists, provide a balanced review of both locales, two places that are so different but also so similar; like their resemblance in local cuisine (meth). Or the casual...
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Franz Ferdinand
well well well the rats are back and despite their hiatus they are NOT feeling rested. If anything their personal lives reflect the disarray of global politics. Though if they had to pick a favourite cluster fuck from the last week, it would definitely be the Nepalese uprising of angry zoomers...
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Sea Monkeys Pt. 2
What a time to be alive! The states are stating, the gulags are gulaging, and the labubu continues to rise as a new synthetic super power with total fractal. Domination of the collective human psyche in its sights. But what of toy-crazes of yesteryear? Such as, the Sea Monkey. Revisiting…
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The Fast and the Furious and the Catatonic
What a world we’re living in! They say god is dead but the rats know our One True Lord and Saviour is convenience, a modus operandi that’s convenient to some and kind of a bum deal to others depending on which side your bread’s buttered on; (Global) North or South. And so, the rats spend some…
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Guests Part 1: Sophie Henderson and Matt Whelan
Guests! Give a very warm welcome to our very special guests actor Matt Whelan and writer/actor Sophie Henderson, two of NZ’s finest film and television talents whose recent film Workmates just premiered at the NZIFF to acclaim and accolades and the kind of national pride our government should be...
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The Vanishing
Like they’ve never done before (cough) the rats talk about democracy’s failings and how its formal and informal elements need to be kept distinct enough we have a functioning society, which anyone with a semi-functioning only marginally divergent brain can see we currently don’t have (or worse…
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I DON’T SUBMERGE
The clubs that raised us! The rats get nostalgic about a time when all venues were open til six AM, where supper clubs could serve you a pre-work night cap at eight, and the shame flowed as thick and hot as mid morning vodka red bulls. It’s a time that seems comparatively free and footloose…
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Irish Torpedo
Okay, so the Katy Perry abuse might’ve crossed over into primal woman-hate; on a local scale we mean. Like, it’s overkill at this point. In this being the rats dissect where the admittedly gleeful train of celebrity hate might accidentally be a mouthpiece for systemic misogyny; or worse, a…
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Buffy the Moa Slayer
For some reason, or perhaps because a show about surviving late-stage capitalism with your friends and sanity intact is relevant now, the rats revisit some ancient Buffy lore. Or perhaps it’s because a show about the undead resonates with recent national conversations (in actual mainstream media)...
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Oft Overlooked
Twinks; what even are they? This is just one of many hard hitting questions the rats tackle in this week’s free to air (fuckin freeloaders) episode. They don’t come to a conclusion mostly because doing so is grossly homophobic (or do they?). Also on the agenda is whether or not David Seymour…
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Goiters Again
SORRY FOLKS - this ep is coming out about a week late due to a technical error If the rising seas don’t vanish Venice then surely Jeff Bezos’ repugnantly lavish wedding and its vile attendees will sink it faster than nineties-sized Oprah on a boogie board. So hypothesise the rats. Also, Lorde’s...
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Fingies Crossed
This ep is proudly sponsored by One Percent Collective: opc.nz/RATS Reality bends, warps, is vulnerable to liberal edits by every twelve year old with an iPhone, and is the worse off for it. That’s what we’re dealing with, collective sanity taking an extended sabbatical. And that’s the exact tone...
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Chowder In & Out
The rats have contracted a mental illness whereby they can’t stop name dropping. Symptoms include swapping stories about famous people who may or may not hate them. Also, seasonal depression is getting mixed up with the existential dread of democracy’s very violent and drawn out end, which the…
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Rejuvenated FISSURE
There seems to be a lot of negative chat re Sabrina Carpenter’s new album cover, and while at least one of the rats thinks Sabrina is the pop world’s most beige offering since Missy Higgins, they both agree that women policing women isn’t on; unless it’s a grown woman advising another grown woman...
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Chris Bishop is Unattractive
Wow, what a week it’s been. And this is certainly not a valid review because what’s a week, where am I, whose jiz is this and what even IS time? Featured in this week’s democratically available episode is the following; the evils of physically repellant politicians being allowed to attend music...
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
Auckland, the Babylon of Australasia. Home to award-winning creatives/ aspiring Jezebels Sam Te Kani and Johanna Cosgrove. Join them as they navigate daily life in a gorgeous South Pacific necropolis here at civilization’s end. Not deterred in the least by back-to-back lockdowns and a shortage of worthwhile intimacies, Te Kani and Cosgrove barrel headfirst into themes and experiences any modern twenty-something will recognise. From finding love when every other guy is a flakey bisexual, to the ego disorders of our noted socialites, and minor takeout addictions.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
HOSTED BY
Sam Te Kani & Johanna Cosgrove
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does Rats In The Gutter have?
Rats In The Gutter currently has 141 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is Rats In The Gutter about?
Auckland, the Babylon of Australasia. Home to award-winning creatives/ aspiring Jezebels Sam Te Kani and Johanna Cosgrove. Join them as they navigate daily life in a gorgeous South Pacific necropolis here at civilization’s end. Not deterred in the least by back-to-back lockdowns and a shortage of...
How often does Rats In The Gutter release new episodes?
Rats In The Gutter publishes regularly with 141 episodes available. Check the episode list for the typical release schedule.
Where can I listen to Rats In The Gutter?
You can listen to Rats In The Gutter on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts Rats In The Gutter?
Rats In The Gutter is created and hosted by Sam Te Kani & Johanna Cosgrove.
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