Roll Players

They're STILL at the Waffle House...I kinda checked out due to sleep exhaustion so enjoy the sound of me trying to come up with a card game on the fly... Tell us we're going to be okay

They're still in the Waffle House...Say hi

Today the crew makes their way to the Shining City on the Hill where their first and more pressing mission is to find a breakfast spotAlso at the time of this episode release, it's Atom's birthday!Say hi to us

Agent 69 and Lorelei set off to find Roy and Lilith at the neutral ground of a Bathhouse in Purgatory. 

Lorelei and Tobias help a man named Biff avoid a biker gang called the "Holy Hells!" They also help him find his best friend Josh. I should note** This is inspired from a wonderful book called "Lamb, The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal." Tell us if you hated it or loved it

Lorelei's Sister shows up to ask a very awkward favor, which leads in a direction that is quite opposite of the intended story; still a fun time though. Listen as David squirms with his own decision to go against the story hahahahahahaSay Hi

Hey folks. Our reborn crew are sent on a mission to battle some demon baddies and eliminate a Butcher who plans to do similar work as The Chef herself. We can't have that now can we? We can't especially with a shady one-eyed demon! Agent 69 shows off his item-tossing skills, Lorelei likes to lie, and Roy gets really into method acting. Say hi to us!

The resistance targets a potential Angel controlling a backwater town called... Ne're-do-well Town! Also there's some chocolate milk in this episode, so if you're lactose intolerant, be on your guard!Say hello to us

We're back with a new story, a new friend, and more weird characters! We're also trying FATE Core from Evil Hat! It's a game we've been wanting to try for quite some time, so we're giving it a shot with some slightly modified rules! Today, you'll meet characters who have crawled from the mysterious and powerful Bloodbath! Will they be what the rebellion needs to end the war of Angels, Demons and Mortals? We sure hope so. They should also give the war a better name. The Holy Hell War? That's kinda cool. Let us know how we're doing!

Howdy folks. It's been a while, hasn't it? Well, while we were preparing to revamp for Rollplayers, we had David run a one-shot that has him literally putting us on a railroad so we can't escape his madness. Listen as Grambles McGillicutti and Pip (with her bat familiar, Stella) uncover a strange plot to house a powerful artifact of epic and holy proportions!Also, say hi to us!

An early release because... reasons I guess. Anyway, Today, we meet a new friend named Jacob and we reunited with our pal Kimmie as they join us in this thrilling and weird episode of Timejail! What happens when a soldier from an apocalyptic future, a Scotsman from a tiny war, a thief who steals from demons, and a child in shark pajamas get locked in Timejail? Well...*shrugs*Say Hi on our website

Hey folks, today I want to do a quick announcement about a cast change on Roll Players and other Funinstallers Projects. After some recent events, Justin will no longer be in future episodes of Roll Players and affiliated projects. In this description is an episode to Sharesalot which explains in further detail as to why. We will work to continue the show but it will be different. We're not sure what will happen just yet, but please be patient. We'll figure out. We always do! The Tragic Details here on SharesalotSay hi on our Website

Our heroes have relinquished themselves from oppressive bonds and commandeered the very ship that would have been their prison. With the help of one of their fellow captives they make swift progress across the seas but Twyla's attempt to help draws unwanted attention from the briney depths!

Meet the "fearsome" pirate "captain" Twyla the Terrible, played by Cass, the eerily familiar drunken scoundrel Jon Pigeon, and the well spoken yet woodsy goblin Thip Fyew as they take to the seas, but not by their own choice! They've been captured and forced to work aboard a ship by the nefarious Captain Dimetrius Rundrig and his first mate Jack! Listen to find out if these three weirdos can escape indefinite servitude! 

Today, Cass is back at the wheel running a lovely little fantasy game about magic, fantastical creatures, and other bright and shiny things. Follow the tale of a Slimy boy, a slippery boy, and a polite boy with an attitude as they try to find a magic wand to fix a lady's face!Our site

Cass is running the show today! We meet two new nerdy hunters who are sent by Everett on a quest to investigate some "weird" stuff in Terror Town. Yeah that Terror Town!Send us a message

The Affordables get transported into a strange land with a fallen folk hero. Can they help Tony lose his terrible nickname and save the town? Yeah probablyOur site!

Jack Lazer retires, A French "mime" joins the team, Everett is the bestest race-ah evah, and Jay Proto becomes a new kind of hunter. Wassat about?

The Affordables get into an exclusive club with a secret government credit card! Time to go shopping at the Super Mall, a place where villains and heroes are not allowed to battle! Everett goes ham on shopping, Jack is suspicious, and Jay becomes a mob boss (sorta). 

idk what to put here so uh... enjoy the episode. I'm tired :P

Today, David is sleepy and misses the podcast, but we've got out ol' pal, Sean here to help do some Vampire bustin' in the Wrasslin' Ring!

Jay escapes the clutches of Maxine Steel while acquiring a new weapon! Jack Lazer may be royalty, and Everett gets to see some booty. Also, Excalibur has been stolen and hidden within the caves of a dragon! Neat huh? 

It's a hockey night in Lost Angeles! Somehow, the world's worst team has become the world's toughest team! Blake suspects supernatural elements! The Goblin crew joins up with Jack Lazer, Everett gets herself a little cheesy treat, and Jay gets a concussion

Folks, I pitched 3 ideas to the group, and they chose all of them at once, so uh, here we feckin go. Today, The Affordables are tasked with pitching a PSA at a Monster Truck Rally while fending off Red-Hood-Wearing douche canoes that want to ban all non-white grapes. Yep. That's a sentence that makes a ton of sense in the land of The Affordables!Say hi

Whoa, there's some gnarly skateboarding goblins tagging everything in the town of Dick Michigan! What will our "heroes" do? Will they put an end to the evil pointy-eared menaces, or is there something far more nefarious at play here? Yeah probably that second part... anyway. Enjoy the show!Hello

Today, The Affordables reel in the aftermath of the Dog Goblins antics. They discover that they may not be dealing with the demon they originally encountered. Prepare for silliness!Our Site

3 years after their last mission, The Affordables get a call to escort a demonic canine called The "Dog Goblin" around town for a few hours until he decides to leave for another decade or so. The gang quickly realizes that this will be no easy task and then ultimately decide they hate that spoiled little demon mutt; Chimichanga especially hates it. Let's see what happens, shall we?!

Today, we meet Everett as she learns of new Medieval Pop music, and the chaotic inner workings of who's in charge of music. The Affordables then must band together to stop a war between robots and skeletons in the Jungles of Bezos because Blake Dancer has a special sapling growing there. Are the Affordables up to the task? Yeah probablyOur site

Posting early to give you something to alleviate Election Day Jitters! Vote Blue so we can flush the orange turd down once and for all *Episode Description and inspiration below**We offer you a new kind of show with a title based on a time where Adam and Justin played with action figures as adults...and they made all the characters do dumb shit, have dumb voices, and complete dumb tasks. This was right around the time "The Expendables" was becoming a huge hit, and so Adam and Justin decided to call their ragtag team of militants, "The Affordables." Now here we are in late 2024 releasing a blend of 80s-inspired retro bullshit with some modern bullshit with a flexible cast of characters. In this series, we are delighted to welcome back one of the original Rollplayers, David! He reprises his role as Luke "Chimichanga" Smith who needs to make some merc money after Sierra went down. We also see Justin make his appearance as Jack Lazer, an 80s action hero who was thawed out in the year 2024. Both of these men have responded to a Craigslist ad from Blake Dancer, a 19 year old game streamer who wants to prevent monsters from overtaking his favorite vacation spots. Today, the Affordables will face an enemy of fluffy proportions. Our site

I dunno, gang...

While investigating a string of murders, the gang meets someone from Stoop's past before heading to a seedy bar looking for leads! Will they get any closer to finding out who is out there melting people's heads?!

There's a lot of murder and a lot of intrigue going on in Savage City and our heroes are on the case! That is of course once they stop fighting and going in the wrong direction!

Snow and Stoop wrap up ruining a train in the desert and forget about their supposedly dead friend Evan who returns after a week of recuperation to find Snow has trashed his apartment. Then Stoop gets some bad news!

Scheduling is a bit fucky at the moment, so enjoy a wonderful episode of timejail featuring our friend, Danny Guarantee! Meet Dr. Turtle, Uhhh Darius, and the familiar wooden face of Slappy Pete. 

Evan recovers from his near death experience among some scaley dudes while Snow and Stop stoop a train... wait.If you like the song at the end, find more of Adam's music here: https://open.spotify.com/album/0n0fNVRX1uwxPorfykGteL?si=bvynGcAhS1OVA2KCg8C2Uw

A call from some of Snow's past associates leads our trio back to the wasteland outside the city to heist a train but this train fights back and bad things happen! Listen! PLEASE! Check out Adam's new fitness training progam: https://www.fiverr.com/s/1q0wjW9

We're back in Savage city and today Evan gets help from Stoop and Snowspear in his continued search for clues as to the whereabouts of his missing sister. This endeavor leads them to some cybernetic superhuman bullshit! Come on and listen!

It's here...The bittersweet and very weird Finale of the original carnation of The Phony Express. Today, we see the final act, produced by Vanta Black, herself. Will the gang play their parts and put an end to Vanta's weird scheme? Let's find out, shall we! (oh, and welcome back to Kimmie for returning as Bella!)Thanks for everything, gang. We're excited for more fun coming down the pipeline, but I feel like our original Phony Express story needed a fair chance to rest. We love that you enjoyed these characters and their really odd story. I know it went from kinda grounded to supernatural, but it was fun every step of the way. We love you guys. Say Hi to us!

Howdy, friends! Today, Ryn finds that she is conflicted in her feelings to reunite with Cutter and Maverick. Mom and Dad says they're dangerous, but her counterpart's memories and feelings say otherwise. Also, the boys reunite in Dulltown (with Ryn eventually) to have their first conversation with Vanta Black. Ultimately, they will encountered actors who are roleplaying important moments of their lives to discover that Vanta knows more about them they ever realized. Support the Show!    Check out our site!

Today, we find out what Ryn was up to while the boys were navigating the scenery of Vanta Black's "sets." Ryn goes on a "Trip" of sorts after helping out in the medical center. During her "ride" she meets Stephano the giant skeleton (or skelektion because Adrian had a typo) and Rim Dundrig, an "Aussie" Dwarf land pirate from Sinner's Canyon mine. We jump back and forth between the eyes of Ryn and her hallucinations (to escape reality) and what Rim sees. It was also honestly just fun to have a really out-of-the-box episode of Phony Express. Enjoy!Say hi to us!       Review us

Heya Gang! Today, Cutter awakens to some weird scenes and settings (literally) and Maverick makes a shocking discovery about the people of Freedom Hallow. When they reunite, tensions are high as the line between reality and fiction continue to be blurry. We love you, Cass!Say hi to us!

Today, Cutter experiences a strange Haunted House with Sam and Dean, while Maverick slays some entertainers in Freedom Hallow. Finn becomes and Ryn and now wants Bowls Bowls Bowls and a vacation. Some weird stuff is going down and the boys are suspicious of the people in town. Also, how you doing everybody? You taking care of yourself? You better be!Say hi

eeeeey Bella has divided the group and has plans to restore her baby to a more formidable form. Cutter encounters some weird brothers, Maverick attempts to free his best friend, and Finn grows up. Say hi

Today, we've got a special guest (Kimmie) playing the role of someone special to little Finn. The gang must decide if this mysterious person is trustworthy as she relays information that the hostages have been strewn across northern Montana. Say hi to us

Life's been crazy with technical issues abound, so we are presenting you with an episode of Timejail to keep you entertained while we sort life out! Today, you'll meet a pilot sleuth, an awkward initiate, a summoned trickster, and a carbon copy of Mr. Bean! Enjoy the calamity that ensues when Cass and Justin play off our new guests: Will and Dusk! Click this if you love us!   Rate the show wherever you listen, Pl0x!

Hey hey! Tiny Finn and her silly gun-loving boy "Brave" seek out Cutter and Maverick to save Dr Punkenstein! Does Cutter care about anyone other than Bathy? *shrugs* Does Maverick want Justice? yeah dawg. Oh, also there's a dogVisit our site!

Today, we discover the aftermath of our bionic friend's sacrifice. We meet a new little girl named... Finn? And the fellas "lay siege" to Cruelty Alley after discovering the loss of their comrade. Send us a letter!

The Phony Express seeks to track down Tommy Felix and his gang when they find out they rode in to town with "Ryn" to capture their friends. Cutter makes his return to Cruelty Alley, Maverick is determined to exact Justice, and Ryn makes an unexpected move to save her friends. Check out our site and say nice things! Also, early release, cuz I wanna!

I don’t think my body can make any more tears… at least not my own. I stay occupied by workin on my gunslinging with the farm boys by day, and getting more snakes than a mongoose by night. I sent scouts out from Dulltown to survey the area surrounding sorebellow where the robbery took place. My informant tossed some coin around and found some loose-lipped ne’er-do-wells there that referenced a small man covered in scales, and a jittery fellow who came riding in on a stagecoach.   As luck would have it, a half a day later, one my boys caught sight of a firefight at a place called “Lameduck pond, where the scaly one met his demise. My informant tracked the jittery one and a clunky friend of his back to a small town called Doodad. When I heard the news that we found the bastards, I knew it was time to do my part... Or should I say, “Play My Part?” I spent much of my childhood learning Shakespeare’s “Hamlet” and it’s time for a new character to make her debut: Doodad, prepare to meet, Lady Danes.Our Site

Today, The Phony Express tries to free the people of Sinner's Canyon Mine, while catastrophe ensues back in Doodad. Did they activate a certain someone's trap card?Our Site