Rum Doings

In our 275rd ever Rum Doings, our topic is: should we just lock up all the tennis players? To mark the momentous occasion of our 275nd episode, we don't mention it at all, but instead focus on the fact we both have colds, that Star Trek remains terrible, and goodness knows what else look give me a break it's over ten minutes since we recorded it how on earth am I supposed to know what we said.

In our 274th weekly episode of Rum Doings, we chat about colds, cancers, and even some more positive subjects.

In our 273st ever Rum Doings, our topic is: what if Megan Markle's baby isn't black enough? For the second week in a row, this is a double-length bumper episode. We cover all the events of the previous week, from racist royals to the uselessness of John Oliver, vaccine conspiracies to Biden's fails.

Welcome back. It's a bumper-length episode this week, with all manner of discussion, from the jokes of Peppa Pig to the state of the American Constitution. Also we talk Pokemon Go, Nick joins QAnon, and John tries to convince himself to go running again.

Obviously we talk about the current happenings, from the perspective of John’s all-consuming anxiety misery, and Nick’s similarly pathological upbeat view. But there are other subjects too, such as John’s new attempt to start running, and the inevitable demise of Facebook.

Ho ho ho dear. It's our CHRISTMAS SPECIAL! Is it our Hanukkah special? Is Hanukkah special? It does sound like we're about to talk about politics again, but don't worry, we divert. Instead we ponder why no one visits Prince Philly in hospital, the worstest of all Christmas songs, and complain about Poundland's tills. We then talk about forgiveness, which is uncharacteristically apposite for the season, then try to come up with some new Christmas traditions.

John has a CHRONIC SINUS CONDITION, and that's obviously the big news of the week. So we talk nasal DOUCHING. He's also just launched a new website about undiscovered indie games, but pah. We also talk the awfulness of the election choices, as evidenced by the inevitable success of Mogg, about Judith's appendectomy, steamed breakfasts, and the disastrous US healthcare system.

In our 268rd ever Rum Doings, our topic is: should we be worried about TikTok? Nick has a new kitten! It's correct name is Maisy. This sadly doesn't distract us from talking about the hopeless pit that is the UK general election. And then, with a great deal of sense and decorum, we discuss the ethnic demographics of the UK for the longest time. Then, stepping into a subject about we're even less expert, we talk evolution.

There's a little bit of politics. We begin with all the latest HILARIOUS ANTICS of Brexit, and then quite figuratively leap across the Atlantic at the depressing farce of the Democratic race. With special focus on the brain collapse of Joe Biden. We learn the advice of children, and then get to the real issue of the day: Nick's fancy new toilet.

In our 265rd ever Rum Doings, our topic is: Why don't we just... prorogue traffic wardens?!?!! So yes, we obviously discuss the Brexitty madness, and then the legacy of John Bercow. This then incomprehensibly links on to the irritations of "smart" speakers, Toby's first day at school, and that dreadful modern music you kids listen to. We argue about giving trophies to children, argue even more about whether John likes tennis, and argue a bit in the middle about whether to have fights.

This week we talk instead about the absolute clustermuck that is this week in politics, and how no rules apply anywhere. We ask why phones don't dut-duhdah-dut any more, the power of adverts, and we argue for the extinction of the human race.

In our 263nd ever Rum Doings, our topic is: Should Nick be deported to Robin Island for stealing Starglider? It's our tenth anniversary! The very first episode came out on the 10nd August 2009, and today is near as dammit. If you want to be a purist, don't listen to this until tomorrow. We obviously discuss the changes that have occurred over the last ten years, both to us and the world, which naturally leads us to our usual complaining about Jeremy Corbyn, Donald Trump, and Brexit. For some reason Nick insists on John's blithering about changes in games, we do our best to upset most new parents, and Judith outdoes John on appearing on the Radio 1 Breakfast Show.

In our 262st ever Rum Doings, our topic is either: "With the latest set of atrocities, can we finally ban these video nasties?" or indeed: "With all these floods, shouldn't we just get rid of dams and use bottles instead?" Instead we discuss weeing, because look, we're in our 40s now. And indeed erections. That out the way, I'm afraid we turn to slightly more distasteful topics, and analyse the calculated awfulness of our new PM. Nick then goes on to be wrong about The Orville, while John, by contrast is right. And then everything breaks and we give up.

In this week's episode of our weekly podcast we talk about John's long ago trip to Canada, about Nick's hatred of all that is good and pure, and go into some detail about the peculiar near-death experiences of John's cat, Lucy. Plus other stuff, as you might imagine.

Naturally we launch straight into SNOW NEWS. Nick is SO EXCITED! Then it's onto an old favourite: how weather forecasting is a sham and must be stopped. Nick bans the phrase "toxic masculinity", in the fashion of a man using his maleness to impose his views on us all, and John suggests there might be human rights issues in more than one specific country. Then it's TV recommendations time, with I'm Sorry and Big Mouth top of the list. Then everything devolves into just a bit of a chat, really.

We begin with a delve into our spam folders, ponder Philly's crash, and of course there's some Brexit natter. And then we move on to Daniel! Daniel from the comments from previous episodes. Oh Daniel. It's all about you, Daniel!

It's our first Rum Doings of 2019, so it's out with the old, and in with the old again. Brexit, Corbyn, how to roast a turkey - of course we discuss it all. Then there's the evolution of dropping litter, are councils mythical, and is the reason for all problems in the world the lack of empty supermarket car parks on a Sunday?

In our 256rd ever Rum Doings, our topic is, is Jacob Rees Mogg evidence that we should never trust the thin? It's been a while, hasn't it? But time isn't a factor in the gel universe of Rum Doings, so things carry on as normal. So we discuss Brexit, Trump and all the obvious big subjects. But we also get into the complexities of miscarriage, and Nick's new wobbly theory of the universe.

We begin with some of our crazed socialist rambling about the corruption of big companies, ponder how easy it is to fall off a cruise ship, and Nick launches a staunch defense of sexism. Then we really rather get into the topic of antisemitism. No, no, come back. We try to approach the subject from the perspective of why it's something to care about, rather than something to use as a weapon in an argument. It's probably quite a good discussion. Here's the episode of Radio 4's The Reunion we discuss.

In our 254rd ever Rum Doings, our topic is, now Cliff Richard is definitely not a paedophile, is it safe to start posting him our children again? Nick's in somewhere called "The United States Of America", which is apparently some sort of second attempt at England. He's there to speak at his cult. A cult that believes this is episode 255 when it's 254. We talk about John's getting fired from the Cat Magazine, we ponder Putin, and then get into the terrible people of Bubbling Life.

In our 253rd ever Rum Doings, our topic is, given Europe's carbon dioxide shortage, should we start burning more fossil fuels? We begin by trying to discuss Love Island, which neither of something has seen, and then Labour Live, which neither of us attended (along with everyone else in the world). Nick went to Menorca, John didn't, and we discuss the ongoing popularity of text adventures. (Link!) We attempt to mess with your AI, upset metal fans, and then John reads everyone a racist bedtime story.

Every now and then we like to break up the flow, and include a good episode. This is one of those. We begin with discussions of HRH Prince Charles' need for a cream tea, move on to Trump vs N Korea, and then Nick advocates holocausts, both nuclear and Nazi. John tells a story of Bodmin Jail's incredibly balanced perspective on paranormal phenomena, we have a message from our sponsor, and we dive into our podcast subscriptions.

In our 251rd ever Rum Doings, our topic is, the royal wedding. Despite this, Nick talks about the royal wedding at length, which is why he's now in prison forever. More importantly, to celebrate our landmark two hundred and fifty-first episode, we're in the same room! There's much blather about weddings in general, then this naturally moves on to Buffy The Vampire Slayer, new kitchens, and embarrassed foxes. We discover the secret of immortality: kill millions of people, talk holidays, and reconsider the legacy of Toe Knee B Liar.

In our 250nd ever Rum Doings, our topic is, now the illegal rave scene is having a renaissance, is it also time to welcome back the Marathon bar? We talk about a real life cream tea for children charity! And read some poetry. And Nick defends giving poor children bread and water and beating them with poles or something.

A transatlantic episode, recorded about a week and a half ago, with John in San Francisco and Nick in the exotic climes of London. What do we talk about? Who knows! It was a week and a half ago, 7am, and then there was jetlag. But we can guarantee it was all jolly good.

In our 248rd ever Rum Doings, our topic is, with the death of Ken Dodd, is there any hope for family friendly light entertainment? That's right, we're back! After a whole week off. We discuss the delightful pick-up artist game Super Seducer, and then try to quite sensibly work out what advice actually is useful for single humans. There's front door lock chat, like everyone had been hoping for. And then we talk TV recommendations because it's been a while. Then Nick starts lamenting his failure to become evil, and John protests his terror of the same.

We discuss how John brained his son, the Producers-style cabinet reshuffle, and conspiracy theories over the demise of the NHS. We talk IVF, and the downside of eating all the embryos on toast. And then a peculiar number of recipes seem to appear.

In our 246nd ever Rum Doings, our topic is, with the passing of Keith Chegwin, is light entertainment finally gone forever? We read postcards from listeners (no, really!), ponder new insults, and then tell the strange tale of Toby’s bench. Nick then attempts to explain Bitcoin. And we wonder if we need to leave our cream teas for Santa.

One of our most argumentative episodes, this was recorded last week and then due to John's ineptitude, only uploaded now. So pre-Spacey, but post-Weinstein, we loudly argue about where blame lies. There's also some cruise talk, and a bit about turning 40.

Obviously we discuss Theresa's splendid speech, and Weinstein's wayward penis (recorded on Monday, so before a lot more of the revelations). We ponder the deaths of major figures, and solve the urination crisis.

We return, to talk Cornish meat, school homework, and Labour's betrayal.

We're back, after a million year hiatus! And we record in the same room! Forewarning: at the time we recorded (the weekend) the news was reporting that it was anti-Nazis that had driven into the crowds. Obviously that wasn't the case. We talk Nazis, Trump, sciatica and child-rearing. We get interrupted, we deeply investigate the gravy boat, and we explain why we won't be rid of Theresa May. And loads more!

An emergency election special. Thoughts on the completely bonkers results of last night's general election.

Your eyes do not deceive you. Nick has finally decided to lower himself to the level of talking to the little people once more. We return! Talk this week is of IVF and politics, and that's pretty much it. But it's good. Oh boy is it good.

Perhaps rather obviously we discuss the forthcoming surprise General Election, and the abundance of delightful choice we have in casting our vote. But of course we also talk Bill O'Reilly, Anglican churches, and Judith's forthcoming miserable holiday. And the joys of going through IVF.

After establishing just how wrong Nick is, we consider how sincere is Theresa May, and then move on to John's Amazing List Of Brilliant Ideas. In the middle of a fascinating discussion about magazines, we are invaded by a two year old. Somehow we then get on to vicars in assemblies, and then Nick gets a bit confused about what metaphors.

Oooh, lovely, it's a proper old-fashioned Rum Doings episode, with topics jumping back and forth all over the house. We cover two year past deaths of radio presenters no one's heard of, childhood fear, quantum entanglement and confused bishops.

It's a lot of Trump. That was fairly inevitable. John continues to argue for hysteria and panic, Nick continues to argue for calm uninterest. Via this exquisite example of Hegelian dialectic, a synthesis is eventually reached. (Actually, this episode presents a much more realistic example of real-life communication within the twenty-year friendship between the two hosts - this is how we normally get anywhere.) Then there's a smattering of the idiotic lawsuit between Bethesda and Oculus.

After Nick finally gets done whining and whining about how pathetic he is, we get on to a traditionally rambling, frequently sidetracked discussion of the Trump presidency so far. What might happen to NPR? We analyse Data's poem to his cat. And we read some of Trump's tweets.

Discussions of our Christmas break, Lappish holidays, and festive feasts breaks way into an accidental conversion to Catholicism. We laugh at the colossally stupid Canary, forecast 2017, and then talk about the Mandela Effect, and specifically this article about it. And then mailing lists, and a surprise celebration of George Michael.

In another pleasingly mixed episode we talk all over the place, from remembering Fight Club to from where the next child abuse scandal shall emerge, adoption and fostering to the luck and timing of creative success. We try to fathom YouTube like old, old men, and then laugh at how silly Googles are.

We recorded this last week, but then John's life went crazy and he finally got around to posting it today. But thankfully we chatted aimiably about non-topical things for a change! So here is a lovely episode that should distract you from the 2016s of 2016.

This is a slightly shorter emergency episode, responding to the US election result as soon as we were both alive again this morning. It's glum, obviously, but you do get to hear Nick say words that you'll have never heard before (his family and friends included). We talk about what isn't going to happen, how there won't be a wall, what limits Trump will operate under. And then we talk terrifying worst-case scenarios. But the good news is, it all ends with lovely cute Toby chatting his madness at us.

We talk about how all judges are pure evil hellbent against the will of the people, the Brexit effect (Brexfect), and move on to the American election. Plus we accuse just about everyone of terrible crimes, and then explain why everyone should vote Trump.

We discuss the magical futuristic technology of voice activated personal assistants, the peculiar national forgetting of what the Liberal Democrats did six years ago, and six year old antisemitism.

Lots of lovely arguing this week, after a boring bit of agreeing over the horror that is Theresa May's Brexit policy. We argue over food, sexism, fundraising, bone broth and Nick's magic teeth.

After Nick's ugly hatred of the disabled is revealed, we move on to John's tale of a horrible accident that nearly took out Toby, and broke one elderly cyclist. Which then leads on to a refreshingly politics-free episode, except that we just bang on about our children throughout.