PODCAST · society
Sane Split
by AJ Jakubowska - Family Law Lawyer & Mediator
I am AJ Jakubowska - family law lawyer & mediator. I have worked in this field for over 25 years. Just like you, I am also human. I understand what can happen when relationships end. Lots of uncertainty, many different emotions coming in waves, questions swirling like confetti. Anger, disappointment, mistrust. Sometimes it may feel like it’s virtually impossible to stay sane. This podcast features my comments on various topics related to separation, and my interviews with other humans who help when relationships end – people who look after legal issues, who mediate, who look after hearts and minds, and the pocketbook too. What you will hear is not legal advice. These are dialogues primarily about the human aspect of separation. We try to stay away from legal lingo. It’s humans talking to humans. I hope that something you hear will help you navigate your way to a sane split. New episodes every Saturday.
Episodes
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"How soon after a separation can I date?"
There is no rule that says you can’t date soon after the separation but have you considered both the pros and the cons, of dating AND of going public with it? Interested in some pointers? - LISTEN My email
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Preparing for a family law Conference
If you are part of a family court case in Ontario, sooner or later you will participate in a Conference. They are a key tool in the system of Case Management. Are you about to attend one, and interested in learning more? - LISTEN. My email
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"I am fighting for my kids!"
When separation happens, many parents think of their kids first, and how they will be affected. Some commence an epic fight without truly understanding why, and what they hope to accomplish. Some are misguided in doing so - not understanding what will actually make a difference before the court,...
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How to help someone who is separated?
It’s human to want to support someone who is hurting - including in the context of a separation. Interested in some tips on helping but not causing harm? - LISTEN. My email
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How do Family Mediators bill?
Not all Family Mediators bill for their services the same way. You have many options when it comes to the choice of a mediator, and you can also find a billling arrangement for those services that suits you and your budget. Interested in learning more? - LISTEN. My email
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How do Family Law lawyers bill?
Not all lawyers bill for their services the same way. Your financial relationship with your lawyer is important - you should ask as many questions about it as possible, before you hire someone. You are making a financial committment - hiring a member of your team - it’s important that you...
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"We are splitting the kids" - do you know what that really means?
I hear this from many parents but some do not understand the law around their actual arrangements - sharing the kids - and the legal consequences to them and their children. Interested in learning more? - LISTEN. My email
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"Do I pay taxes on the support payments I receive?"
When it comes to support (in Canada) not every dollar in your hand is actually a dollar available to spend. Why? Because some support is taxable in the hands of the recipient. Wondering whether the support you receive would be treated this way? LISTEN! My email
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Parallel Parenting
Many people are confused when it comes to terms like custody, decision-making, access and parenting time. What does each mean? And then, there is parallel parenting……I discuss all of these terms in this episode of the podcast. My email
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"Income" in family law
Many people think: income is just income, right? If it’s good enough for CRA, it’s good enough for family court - but is it? In this episode, I provide an overview of “income” in family law. My email
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3 questions I am most often asked about child support
Child support is the second most asked-about topic in family law - and I say that as both a family law lawyer and family mediator. On this episode, I tackle the three questions I am asked most often. My email
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Tips for communicating effectively with the other parent
You get yet another text from the other parent, the fifth text today, and by this time you are about to lose your mind. Very little about your kid - a lot about you and what a bad parent you apparently are. What do you do? I offer some tips. My email
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"I will never give you a divorce"
Wondering if this is a realist threat in Canada? Can one spouse stand in the way of the other’s wish to be divorced? Listen. My email
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Travelling with Children
Travel with children post-separation is a given - many separated parents understandably want to make new memories with kids - on trips and excursions. But it’s not always about what a parent wants. In this episode, I talk about the basics of travel in the context of separation - and how family...
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What? a Pre-Nup? Nooooooo......
There are many preconceptions in family law - one of them is that prenups or marriage contracts are always “a bad thing”. They spoil the romance, they introduce suspicion early on in the relationship and so on …..but are they always to be avoided? Listen to this episode if you are interested in...
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Talking about COVID
Talking about COVID can be challenging, including for separated parents. In this episode, I offer some tips on when and how to broach the subject - with the goal of minimizing the potential for conflict. My email
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Child Support in Ontario - The Basics
Oh yes, child support - I receive so, so many questions about it. Here is a primer - I discuss some very basic concepts about child support - to help you build a foundation for your knowledge in this area of family law. Once you know the basics, you will be better able to identify and further...
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Next Steps???
Much of the stress associated with separation comes from not knowing what is next, what steps are ahead and how to take them. The unknown can be downright scary. In this episode, I offer some tips on how to tackle feeling like you are walking on cracked ice. My email
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"My co-worker divorced and in her case..."
Are you thinking of comparing your separation to that of someone you know? Is it a co-worker, a neighbour? Or a friend of a friend of a friend? Are your cases actually similar? Are you sure? In this episode, I share my thoughts about such comparisons - how they might help you but also hurt you.…
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The Separation Date
The Separation Date is my topic on this episode of the podcast. What is it, when does it take place, who decides when it does, and is there such a thing as a legal separation. Many people have questions about this issue and I provide some answers. Listen! My email
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Answers to 5 commonly asked Questions about Family Mediation
Family Mediation is my topic on this episode of the podcast, and I tackle the following, common questions about it: 1. does the mediator make decisions for us? 2. why spend money on mediation - why not go straight to court? 3. who pays for mediation? 4. how long with my mediation take? 5. can I...
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Answers to 5 commonly asked Questions about Family Law
In this episode of the podcast, I tackle the following, common questions about family law: do support payments always have to go through the Family Responsibility Office? can there be more than one matrimonial home? at what age do children get to decide where they are going to live? can we get a...
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Family Court is not like TV's Judge Judy
I am often asked: “What is Family Court really like?” Well, it’s quite unlike what we see on TV, for example: - in dramas, comedies and on “reality” shows. Remember Judge Judy? The diminutive Judge who nonetheless packed the punch of a small tornado, dispending justice while entertaining the...
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More about Limited Scope Legal Services
Not all Ontarians can or want to retain a family law lawyer on a full-time basis but many still need help - with specific tasks, for example, to draft documents, to prepare for hearings, to help with calculations, to receive a bit of coaching for negotiations, or even to prepare for a mediation....
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Meeting with a Family Law Lawyer for the first time
In this episode, I share tips for preparing for your initial meeting with a family law lawyer - whether you are looking to retain someone for the first time or switching lawyers. My email
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You have more in common than you may realize....
This episode is an opportunity for me to talk about finding commonalities - areas of agreement in the context of family mediation - and about the process of building on them - brick by brick, to achieve ultimate resolution. AND Happy First Birthday, SANE SPLIT Podcast! Link to my Family Mediation...
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INTRODUCING: York Family Resolution Centre
On this show, I am very pleased to introduce you to an exciting new project in which I am involved, along with my colleagues, Maxine M. Kerr and Dr. Shely Polak - related to family dispute resolution and family mediation - York Family Resolution Centre. YFRC’s website - here Contact YFRC - here
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"Is hiring an expensive lawyer really worth it?"
I know many people consider the answer to this question, including because someone once posed the question to me directly. Interested in my thoughts on this subject? - well, this is the episode for you! My email: [email protected]
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How is a family mediation actually conducted?
If you have ever wondered how a family mediation is actually conducted then this show is for you. I discuss the practical mechanics - both during the before-times and since the onset of the pandemic. My email: [email protected]
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Separation after 50
Separation in midlife brings with it unique challenges, and calls for focus on particular issues, from unique perspectives. Hear my thoughts and comments on this topic. My email: [email protected]
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My Guest is Julie Gill - We talk about Family Mediation
My Guest is Julie Gill - an experienced practitioner in the field of family dispute resolution (FDR) , a coach and communicator. Julie offers a wide range of services in the area of dispute resolution but the focus of our discussion was family mediation, and our passionate commitment to the...
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Mediation at the later stages of a family law case
It is never too late to mediate and attempt settlement in a family law case, even once a court case starts, but many people think it may be. In this episode, I explore this common misconception, with practical examples, and explain why a shot at settlement in mediation is always a good idea. My...
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Reading written communications from the other lawyer
When emotions are raw and high, interpreting communications can before problematic and even difficult. This includes digesting written communications from the other lawyer. In this episode, I illustrate how easy it is to get off track, with the aid of a hypothetical example, and offer some...
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Family Law by Zoom
COVID-19 has effected every aspect of our daily lives, from the way we work, to the way we play, and so much more. Family law has also experienced a “new normal”, and both lawyers and the justice system in Canada have had to adapt, sometimes very quickly, to conducting a typical family law case,...
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Working with a Family Law Team
Do not be offended or feel slighted if you have hired a senior family law lawyer, and you find out a more junior lawyer or a law clerk is also involved in your matter and perhaps dealings with you day-to-day. This can be of great advantage to you - allowing your matter to move forward as...
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Separation and Self-Care
Self-care - the ability to name how you feel, and to address it including by identifying your personal emotional and psychological needs, is a key to a sane split. The supply of gas in the tank of your car is not infinite. Neither are your own energies, no matter how invincible you may feel or…
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Questions and Answers - About Kids
Many parents navigating separation find parenting during this time particularly challenging. I field many questions on this topic, both as a family law lawyer and as a family mediator. In this episode, I pose 3 such common questions and provide some answers - based on my professional experience…
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Changes to Family Law Legislation (2)
March 1 marked the coming into force of sweeping changes to family law legislation, in Ontario and across Canada. I discuss some of these in this episode, which is Part 2 of a series. My focus here is on relocation (sometimes also referred to as mobility) and on family violence, a very important...
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Changes to Family Law Legislation (1)
March 1 marked the coming into force of sweeping changes to family law legislation, in Ontario and across Canada. I discuss some of these in this episode, which I plan to be part of a series. My focus here is new terminology we will use to describe child-related arrangements, and a renewed focus…
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My Guest is Ryan Bensen - We talk about "Income" in Family Law
Ryan Bensen - an experienced Chartered & Forensic Accountant, Chartered Business Valuator & Fraud Examiner, IS BACK! We discuss “income” and related subjects - including by applying the concepts we cover to illustrative hypotheticals. Because Ryan is a returning guest and I have already asked him...
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How to divide Contents
This week - I tackle Contents - I have capitalized the word because I know they are important to you. Often, they are not just “stuff” - they are part of your identity. They are memories. And dividing Contents can be a headache but I offer some thoughts and tips to guide you along the way. My...
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Don't Delay!
In this week’s episode, I share with you my thoughts about delay - and how it can cause problems for you, problems which may not be easily fixed. My email is: [email protected]
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My Guest is Ryan Bensen - We talk about the Intersection of Family Law and Forensic Accounting
This week's episode features my dialogue with Ryan Bensen - an experienced Chartered & Forensic Accountant, Chartered Business Valuator & Fraud Examiner. We discuss the intersection of family law and forensic accounting - including by applying the concepts we cover to an illustrative…
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My Guest is Robert Halpern - We talk about Managing Expectations
This week's episode features my dialogue with Robert Halpern - an experienced and accomplished Family Law Lawyer, Mediator, Arbitrator and Author. We tackle the topic of managing expectations - for people facing separation initially, and as the post-separation period unfolds. As usual, at the end...
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"Who needs lawyers?!" - the home-cooked Separation Agreement
In this episode, I offers some well-meaning cautions about home-cooked Separation Agreements. Ontario’s Family Law Limited Scope Services Project: www.familylawlss.ca My email is: [email protected]
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COMMUNICATION - Part 3 - Talking about your Separation
How you communicate about your separation, where and with whom, can have consequences which you may not have considered. In this episode, I highlight some potential traps, using hypotheticals to explain my points. My email is: [email protected]
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COMMUNICATION - Part 2 - Talking to your Ex
Though it may feel like the world has stopped turning when a relationship ends, communication between exes needs to continue, in some form, post-separation and possibly for some time to come. In this episode, Part 2 of a three-part series on COMMUNICATION, I cover topics such as how, when and why...
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COMMUNICATION - Part 1 - Talking to your Lawyer
Effective communication with your lawyer is one of the keys to a SANE SPLIT. In this episode, Part 1 of a three-part series on COMMUNICATION, I offer some tips. My email is: [email protected]
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About legal costs...
Questions about legal costs are very common and very understandable. In this episode, I present some top-line points about them, which include both factors relating to them which can be predicted and controlled, and those which cannot. I also offer some tips on how to keep them in check. My email...
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Unsure of the next step?
As the calendar year draws to a close, many people are considering making changes in their lives. Sometimes, they are thinking of separating - the timing of the decision to coincide with the beginning of a new year. I offer some thoughts and tips on the subject, to assist those who may be at the...
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
I am AJ Jakubowska - family law lawyer & mediator. I have worked in this field for over 25 years. Just like you, I am also human. I understand what can happen when relationships end. Lots of uncertainty, many different emotions coming in waves, questions swirling like confetti. Anger, disappointment, mistrust. Sometimes it may feel like it’s virtually impossible to stay sane. This podcast features my comments on various topics related to separation, and my interviews with other humans who help when relationships end – people who look after legal issues, who mediate, who look after hearts and minds, and the pocketbook too. What you will hear is not legal advice. These are dialogues primarily about the human aspect of separation. We try to stay away from legal lingo. It’s humans talking to humans. I hope that something you hear will help you navigate your way to a sane split. New episodes every Saturday.
HOSTED BY
AJ Jakubowska - Family Law Lawyer & Mediator
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does Sane Split have?
Sane Split currently has 70 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is Sane Split about?
I am AJ Jakubowska - family law lawyer & mediator. I have worked in this field for over 25 years. Just like you, I am also human. I understand what can happen when relationships end. Lots of uncertainty, many different emotions coming in waves, questions swirling like confetti. Anger,...
How often does Sane Split release new episodes?
Sane Split has 70 episodes. Check the episode list to see recent publication dates and frequency.
Where can I listen to Sane Split?
You can listen to Sane Split on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts Sane Split?
Sane Split is created and hosted by AJ Jakubowska - Family Law Lawyer & Mediator.
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