PODCAST · health
Sex, Here & Now
by sexhereandnow
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Episodes
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Expert Chat: Julie Labanz on Menopause and Sex
October is Menopause Awareness Month, and Julie Labanz is joining me on Sex, Here & Now for a conversation about perimenopause, menopause, sex, and intimacy. These experiences are often talked about as if they follow one predictable path, but the reality is far more personal. So what happens when...
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Is it "Normal" To Never Initiate Sex?
Do you enjoy sex with your partner but almost never initiate it? Does that mean you have low desire? Are you less attracted to your partner? Or could something completely different be happening? In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, Matt Lachman, licensed clinical therapist and AASECT Certified Sex...
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Matt's Musings: Is Using AI Boyfriend or Girlfriend Cheating?
Can you cheat on your partner with someone who isn’t actually a person? AI companionship is becoming increasingly sophisticated. People are flirting with AI, sexting with it, sharing intimate details about their lives, creating customized personalities, and even developing emotional attachments…
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The 6 Principles of Sexual Health: Here's What They Got Right... and Here's What I'd Add
What actually makes a sex life healthy? Is it how often you have sex? How many orgasms you have? Whether your fantasies are considered “normal?” I would argue none of the above. In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, I’m diving into the Six Principles of Sexual Health, a framework developed by…
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I Hate Receiving Oral Sex!
Do you hate receiving oral sex? Maybe you feel self-conscious, struggle to stay present, feel pressure to orgasm, or simply cannot understand why everyone else seems to think it is so amazing. You are definitely not alone. In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, Matt explores some of the reasons…
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The Power of Responsive Desire
Responsive desire might completely change the way you understand your sexuality. If you rarely feel “in the mood,” do not initiate sex often, or have wondered whether your lower desire means something is wrong, this episode is for you. In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, Matt breaks down the...
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The 20-Minute No Genitals Challenge
What if one of the best ways to improve your sex life was to stop focusing so much on genitals? In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, Matt Lachman, licensed clinical therapist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, introduces one of his favorite exercises for couples: The 20-Minute No Genitals...
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Matt’s Musings: Stop Fearing Being Single
Being single is not a character flaw, a failure, or some sad waiting room you sit in until your “real life” finally begins. In this Matt’s Musing, I am diving into the enormous amount of pressure we put on people to find a relationship, settle down, and follow a timeline that was largely handed…
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Gonorrhea and Syphilis Hit Record Levels in Europe. Here's Why!
Gonorrhea and Syphilis Hit Record Levels in Europe. Here's Why! The headlines make it sound like people are having too much sex. The research tells a very different story. In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, Matt Lachman, licensed clinical therapist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, breaks down...
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Matt's Musings: Masturbation Is Healthy. Period.
What if one of the healthiest things you could do for your sexual well-being is also one of the things you've been taught to fear? In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, Matt Lachman, licensed clinical therapist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, takes on one of the biggest myths surrounding...
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I Know You Are a Kinky S.O.B.
Are you kinkier than you think? In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, Matt Lachman dives into one of the biggest misconceptions about human sexuality: that kink is rare, extreme, or only for "certain kinds of people." The truth is, many of us engage in or fantasize about forms of kink without ever...
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Matt's Musings: Your Sexuality is a Garden
What if your sexuality was a garden? In this week's Matt's Musing, I revisit one of my favorite metaphors from Emily Nagoski to explore how our beliefs about sex are planted long before we ever have a say. Family, religion, culture, media, and past relationships all leave their mark. Some of…
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Let's Talk Lube
Whether you're brand new to lubricant or you've been using it for years, there's a good chance you've been taught some myths about what it means. In this episode of Sex Here and Now, I break down why lubricant isn't a sign that something is "wrong." In fact, it's one of the simplest ways to make...
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I Am Married!
After taking a week off, I'm back with some personal news that I've been excited to share... I'm married! In this special episode of Sex, Here & Now, I reflect on one of the biggest milestones of my life while challenging a common belief about relationships. Does marriage fundamentally change a...
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What is Your Sexual Style?
Who are you when you have sex? Most people spend a lot of time thinking about what they do sexually, but very few stop to consider how they show up. In this episode of Sex Here and Now, Matt Lachman, licensed clinical therapist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, explores the idea of your sexual...
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The Power of Flirting
When was the last time you flirted with your partner? Not asked about groceries. Not discussed schedules. Not coordinated who is picking up the kids. Actually flirted. In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, I explore why flirting is one of the first things to disappear in long-term relationships and...
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Matt's Musings: Stop Caring About What Others Do In Their Bedrooms!
Why do people spend so much time worrying about everyone else's sex life? In this episode of Sex Here and Now, I explore something that has been on my mind lately: the tendency people have to judge other people's consensual sexual choices while avoiding deeper questions about their own…
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Your Parents Love Story (or lack there of) is Not Yours To Carry
Have you ever stopped to wonder how much of your relationship was shaped by the relationships you witnessed growing up? In this episode of Sex Here and Now, we are talking about parents, caregivers, family dynamics, and the relationship scripts many of us unknowingly carry into adulthood. Whether...
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Nothing in Sex is Natural or Organic
We hear it all of the time: "I just want sex to feel natural." It sounds nice in theory, but what if that expectation is actually making sex harder? In this episode of Sex Here and Now, I unpack one of my least favorite phrases in sex and relationship conversations: the idea that sex should be...
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Matt's Musings: Stop Competing Against Your Partner's Exes!
Hello friends, welcome back to another episode of Sex Here and Now. As always, I am your host, Matt Lachman, licensed clinical therapist and AASECT certified sex therapist, and today we are getting into something that shows up way more than people like to admit, comparing yourself to your…
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Why You Aren't Getting What You Want In The Bedroom
Today we are talking about something that sounds simple but can feel incredibly vulnerable in real life, asking for what you want in the bedroom If you have ever struggled to say what you want sexually, you are not alone. Most people were never taught how to communicate about sex in a clear,...
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Put Away Your Penis & Strap-On!
Today’s episode is for my vulva owners, and honestly, for anyone who wants to rethink how we approach pleasure. We are stepping away from penetration and shifting the focus to something that often gets overlooked, fingers and tongues. Not because penetration is bad or off limits, but because so...
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Matt's Musings: Please, Let Them Reject You!
This episode is for anyone who has ever felt the sting of rejection and wondered what it says about them. I get real about my own experiences, from the subtle brush offs to the more obvious hits, and how those moments can stick with us longer than we would like. Here is the shift I want you to…
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Expert on Expert: Victoria Byler Helping Men Relearn Masculinity
I sat down with Victoria Byler, LPCC, owner of Revive Counseling, for a conversation that feels especially important right now. We dive into men, masculinity, and what it actually means to show up emotionally in a world that often teaches men to shut parts of themselves down. We talk about how...
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Matt's Musings: Your Friends Don't Know What's Best For You
This episode might feel like a bit of a bait and switch, but stick with me. Your friends are great. They love you, support you, hype you up, and probably have way too many stories about your past that they love bringing up at the worst times. There is real connection there, and a lot of...
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When Sex Feels Out of Control
Today’s episode dives into one of the most misunderstood and emotionally charged topics I get asked about all the time, sex addiction. Or maybe more accurately, what people think sex addiction is. We are breaking down why the term is not officially recognized in the DSM-5, what clinicians…
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Listener Questions: Why Do Men Suck?
Today’s episode is a fun one. I am answering listener questions that range from how I got started as a sex therapist all the way to the bold question, why do men suck. We get into what I actually love about this work, including why spreading sex positivity continues to be at the core of…
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Matt's Musings: Just Get Pegged Already!
In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, Matt dives into a topic that still makes a lot of people uncomfortable to even think about, pegging. Not just what it is, but why so many people are curious about it and what that curiosity actually means. This is not about pressure or pushing anyone to try...
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The One Activity All Couples Need To Do
What if one simple exercise could completely change how you understand your sexuality and communicate your desires? In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, I break down one of the most foundational tools I use with clients and one that I believe everyone should try: the Yes, No, Maybe list. This...
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Expert on Expert: Julie Labanz Breaks Down The Harm of Purity Culture
On this episode of Sex, Here & Now, I sit down with my colleague and friend Julie Labanz for a conversation that feels both overdue and incredibly necessary. We dive into the lasting impact of purity culture and how so many of us are still untangling the messages we absorbed about sex, worth,...
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Matt's Musings: Never Stop Dating Each Other
We talk a lot about how relationships change over time, and they do. Life gets busy, routines take over, and before you know it, you are not really dating anymore… you are just coexisting. In this episode of Matt’s Musings, I talk about why that shift matters more than people realize. Dating is…
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What To Do When Your Sex Life Falls Apart?
When sex starts to feel distant, tense, or nonexistent, it is easy to panic and assume something is broken. In this episode, Matt slows things down and walks you through what to actually look at when your sex life feels off. From stress, burnout, and self disconnection to relationship dynamics,...
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Matts Musings: You Probably Need Couples Counseling
There is this quiet belief that going to relationship counseling means something is wrong. That if you and your partner are “good,” you should be able to figure everything out on your own. In this episode of Matt’s Musings, I challenge that idea. Being open to relationship counseling is not about...
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We Love Each Other, But We Don’t Have Sex.
Why do so many loving couples stop having sex? In today’s episode of Sex, Here & Now, I’m diving into something I see constantly in my therapy office: couples in their late 30s and 40s who are still deeply in love… but their sex life has disappeared. No big betrayal. No dramatic rupture. Just an...
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Matt's Musings: Making Sex Fun Again!
We need to talk about something that does not get said enough. Sex is supposed to be fun. In this episode of Matt’s Musings, I challenge the pressure people put on themselves to perform perfectly in the bedroom. From queefing to losing an erection at the worst possible moment, I break down why...
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Expert on Expert: Kristen Lilla Spills on The Importance of Sex Education
On this episode, I sit down with Kristen Lilla, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and Educator, to talk about all things sex education and why the conversations we avoid are often the ones that matter most. We dive into her books, what inspired her work, and how she approaches teaching kids about...
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Matt's Musings: Bisexuality is on the Rise!
In this mini episode of Matt’s Musings, I’m diving into a topic that continues to spark curiosity, confusion, and meaningful cultural change: the rise in people identifying as bisexual. Recent research suggests that about 7 percent of people now identify as bisexual, and rather than asking why it...
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I Am Writing My Own Sex Vows for My Wedding and So Should You!
In this personal and reflective episode of Sex, Here & Now, I share something a little different. I am getting married this July to my partner of nine years, and as we started writing our own wedding vows, it got me thinking about something we almost never talk about in relationships or marriage:...
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Matt's Musings: Americans Want Open Relationships
A new study suggests that more than a quarter of Americans are interested in open relationships and honestly, my jaw hit the floor. Not because non monogamy is better than monogamy, but because it tells us something much bigger about where relationships are headed. In this episode, I explore what...
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I Feel Sexually Neglected By My Partner. Help!
What does it really mean when someone says, “I feel sexually neglected”? In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, I explore a topic that comes up often in my therapy office and in many long term relationships. Sexual neglect is rarely just about sex. More often, it is about feeling unwanted, unseen…
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Matt's Musings: We Have to Talk about Soulmates
Welcome to my series of mini-episodes that I call Matt’s Musings. These episodes will be short, focused, and center on tips and tricks relating to human sexuality that I think are important for all of us to know and understand. And hey, you now get to hear me more often? What a treat! Today, I am...
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We Are Talking Squirting!
In this episode, I break down what squirting actually is, what it is not, and why so many people have been taught to misunderstand it. We talk about the biggest myths around squirting, including the belief that it equals orgasm or is the ultimate measure of pleasure. Spoiler alert: it is not. I...
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Matt's Musings: Sex Changes Over Time. Don't Freak Out!
Welcome to my series of mini-episodes that I call Matt’s Musings. These episodes will be short, focused, and center on tips and tricks relating to human sexuality that I think are important for all of us to know and understand. And hey, you now get to hear me more often? What a treat! Today, I am...
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Expert on Expert: Chatting with Tiffany Chin on Solo Poly and Dating
On this episode of Sex, Here & Now, I sit down with Tiffany Chin for a conversation that feels honest, thoughtful, and very needed right now. Tiffany is officially my first interview on Sex, Here & Now, and I could not have asked for a better person to kick this off with. We talk about how we…
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Matt's Musings: Sex is Awkward
Welcome to my series of mini-episodes that I call Matt’s Musings. These episodes will be short, focused, and center on tips and tricks relating to human sexuality that I think are important for all of us to know and understand. And hey, you now get to hear me more often? What a treat! Today, we…
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The Apps Aren’t the Enemy: Dating for You in 2026
Dating today can feel exhausting, confusing, and honestly… like you’re doing everything wrong. In this episode, I break down what it actually means to date for you instead of dating to be liked, chosen, or approved of. We talk about mindful dating, knowing your why, cultivating confidence, using...
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Matt's Musings: Desire is Not a Personality Trait
Welcome to my series of mini-episodes that I call Matt’s Musings. These episodes will be short, focused, and center on tips and tricks relating to human sexuality that I think are important for all of us to know and understand. And hey, you now get to hear me more often? What a treat! Today, we…
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My Journey Into Polyamory. Buckle Up!
Why would I choose polyamory when monogamy is the default, the norm, and often the expectation? In this episode of Sex, Here and Now, I share why I chose to be poly and what that choice actually came from. This is not an argument for polyamory and it is not a how to guide. It is a personal...
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Bonus Episode! Valentine's Day Is Ruining Your Sex Life
Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about romance, connection, and great sex. So why does it leave so many people feeling pressured, disappointed, or disconnected? In this episode, I unpack why Valentine’s Day wrecks so many sex lives. From unrealistic expectations and comparison culture to...
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Expert on Expert: Chatting with Julie Labanz on Porn, Masturbation, and Dating Younger!
Well, this is my first expert on expert podcast episode. Who's excited? Today, I am chatting with Julie Labanz, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, owner of BeKnown Therapy in Cincinnati, Ohio, and a close personal friend. Julie and I talk about all things relating to Porn, masturbation, and why...
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does Sex, Here & Now have?
Sex, Here & Now currently has 71 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
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How often does Sex, Here & Now release new episodes?
Sex, Here & Now has 71 episodes. Check the episode list to see recent publication dates and frequency.
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Sex, Here & Now is created and hosted by sexhereandnow.
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