Sh*t Show with June and Harvy

Well, it's been quite a year but we haven't completely disappeared. We're back for a special Christmas episode. This is another Syfy offering and perhaps the best one yet. It's Christmas time and an evil snow globe is wreaking havoc in a small Alaskan town—lots of disasters yet none of the snow variety. June and Harvy talk through Snowmageddon (2011).

Well, 2024 has been quite the SOB but we haven't stopped watching bad movies and we've finally got one for you. This is some utter nonsense and the best we can say is that you'll learn some colorful new vocabulary such as "duck butter" and "quiff city." June and Harvy talk through The Wraith (1986)

Happy New Year! This episode is that Christmas commercial that stubbornly plays through January, the present you have wrapped sitting in the corner for a friend you haven't seen in a month. It's the decoration forgotten on the shelf after the boxes are packed and stored away. It's a missed opportunity...just like this movie. But hey! There aren't any murderers in this one, just a missing girl on a poster. June and Harvy talk shit through Christmas Twister (2012).

Merry Christmas! In today's movie, a family of three (this is not a typo- there are only three main characters in this movie) and their dog hike into the mountains to get a Christmas tree. SyFy nonsense happens leading to dehydration, shelter building, and explosions. And if you don't care about this movie you really should listen anyway. This episode could save your life. Do it for your family. Do it for your pets. Do it for Christmas. June and Harvy talk shit through Ice Quake (2010). Follow us on Instagram at june_harvy

It's a Black Friday special event! Yet another XXX movie! Many of the same jokes we made in the first two! But this one has Ruby Rose and Toni Collette! And so many exclamation points!!! Quote of today's movie: "Isn't physics basically Geometry?" Bad action. Bad dialogue. Bad acting. And a special appearance by Gordon Ramsey forcibly shoving a Triscuit in your mouth just like in your fantasy. You're welcome. June and Harvy talk shit through XXX: The Return of Xander Cage (2017).

Happy Halloween! Made it by the skin of our teeth. In a surprise twist, we accidentally watched a Halloween movie. This movie is about a train and murder mystery dinner and ghosts and a monster under the water which is where the train ended up because of reasons. It's really dumb but you should listen and learn the truth about what happens when you poop on a train. June and Harvy talk shit through D-Railed (2018).

Summer is over! We watched this when it was still summer but because of procrastination, it is only coming to you now so you're welcome. Julie James wins a trip to the Bahamas to be attempted murdered for the thing she did not do last summer but rather the summer before. But all's well that ends well. Or is it?!  June and Harvy talk shit through I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998)

Thank you Ted Bundy's wee-wee! This is a movie about needing friends, you can't survive an ancient sea monster (or play foosball) alone. We discuss cream pies and moon pies and all things unrelated to the movie. June and Harvy talk shit through Underwater (2020).

Nicholas Cage escapes hell and joins forces with Amber Heard to rescue his granddaughter from a cult. But none of that is important. June is a birth doctor, she does births. Ostriches are nine feet tall. And June and Harvy start a band called Sould Fraud and THE Donkey. We've created a whole new genre of music, adding river dance, acrobatics, and a miming donkey. June and Harvy talk shit through Drive Angry (2011). Follow us on Instagram at june_harvy.

Consider this a late 4th of July gift to appease the spirit of George Washington. No idea what happens in this movie other than we hated it. But it isn't a complete loss as we discuss the idea of starting an Only Fans for those with a urine/cheese fetish (which directly relates to our viewing of the first XXX movie) and talk about buying pictures of feet on the internet. June and Harvy talk shit through XXX: State of the Union (2005). Hit that follow button wherever you listen and follow us on Instagram @june_harvy.

Lots of dumb idiots make lots of dumb idiot decisions leading to an entire city (and many of the inhabitants) being on fire. They all deserve it and apparently "stop, drop, and roll" was not in the curriculum at whatever dumb idiot school they all attended. Complete nonsense.  June and Harvy talk shit through Ablaze (2001).

Dolf. Zombies. Robots. How could this promising premise turn out to be so boring? Dolf has to rescue Jude from a sex cult. It's her birthday. She's also pregnant. Slow, weak zombies. Slow, old Dolf. Robot arms flail. The world is saved? The movie sucks but June and Harvy are happy to debut two new products. The sleep skirt (at around 24 minutes) and the pregnancy test birthday candle (at around 32 minutes). Come watch with us. June and Harvy talk shit through Battle of the Damned (2013). Follow us wherever you listen and on Instagram @ june_harvy.

In honor of winter finally ending we decided to release a movie about people being cold in a dangerous place. Liam Neeson must get a Christmas tree to a mine to save trapped miners but there is sabotage and lots and lots of nonsense. It's not good but watch it anyway then listen to us talk about it! June and Harvy talk shit through The Ice Road (2021). Follow us on Instagram at june_harvy.

In honor of Scream IV coming out in 2022 we watched Scream 3. In honor of Scream VI coming out this weekend, we are finally releasing Scream 3. June and Harvy are on Gail bang watch, Jaime Kennedy had a prank show where he only pranked his grandma, and we announce our new project: the Playboy Channel. June and Harvy talk shit through Scream 3 (2000).

This is the perfect example of a movie you should watch before you listen to the podcast.  In lieu of discussing the film we talk about typhoid, Harvy the hand sniffer (only clean hands need apply), Bob Cratchett, the weight-bearing load of top hats, Jesus commercials (pre-super bowl), and animals that abandon their young. All in all this movie gets an extremely out of 10. June and Harvy talk shit through Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012)

We're really just posting this one for context. Brief synopsis: Arnold showers with his son, his son dies via terrorism, Arnold hunts down the killer and replaces his family with a new one. But the movie is so boring June and Harvy really latch on to that first part and will continue to do so at every given opportunity until we stop thinking it's funny. June and Harvy talk shit through Collateral Damage (2002).

In honor of playoff football, we're bringing you a former football star fighting fires and kicking ass in a barely cohesive movie about what not to do in a fire emergency. It's a mess but at least it's a fun mess. June and Harvy talk shit through Firestorm (1998).

Warning: this movie doesn't contain 12 disasters, at best there are three, half of them happen before the movie starts. JC and her parents Mary and Joseph (yup) try to survive some stuff (ice spears from above, cold fog, rouge electricity and a dome, an explody dome-- insert eye-roll). As if these "disasters" aren't enough, a Nazi-ish man named Kane wants to burn JC at the stake (yup). Somehow these things are linked to the Mayans. But don't worry, JC stops the end of the world with the superpowers she gets from the five golden rings (yup). June and Harvy talk shit through 12 Disasters of Christmas (2012).

In this lost treasure of Christmas films, the Hulky Trinity- Hulk the Hulk, Hulk the Blake, and Hulk the Santa Clause, gets a bonk on the head and has to save a box full of orphans. Mila Kunis is one of the orphans- a genius who uses big words like vibration and a master seamstress who wants Hulk to dress like a gay stripper. Hulk must defeat an evil germaphobe with a mission to make orphans suffer? Or steal some crystals? Or...something. Who knows and who cares. June and Harvy talk shit through Santa with Muscles (1996).

Excuse the audio, we're still learning. Happy belated Thanksgiving and in honor of the Christmas season we watched Blade Trinity because...Jesus. Loads of vampire nonsense here plus Ryan Reynolds, Parker Pissy, Jessica Biel, and the transcendent Wesley Snipes. June and Harvy talk shit through Blade Trinity (2004).

Happy Halloween. This year we are re-releasing all of our Halloween movie watches. This could have been a decent reboot of Laurie Strode 20 years later but too few kills makes this one stumble a bit. Better than whatever the hell Halloween Ends was supposed to be so at least there's that. Josh Harnett has terrible hair.

Happy Halloween. This year we are re-releasing all of our Halloween movie watches. This one is so bad Jamie Lee made them kill her in the first ten minutes (spoiler alert). A bunch of college kids film a reality show in Michael's od house. What could go wrong?

Happy Halloween. This year we are re-releasing all of our Halloween movie watches. This one stars our brother Pudd Rudd and makes absolutely no sense. There's a baby in a bus station and little else is clear.

Happy Halloween. This year we are re-releasing all of our Halloween movie watches. Let's start with the worst of the bunch, a crap fest about Halloween masks powered by the dark magic of Stonehenge to kill children or some other nonsense. Enjoy.

Sorry for the audio issues, apparently after recording more than 150 episodes, we still don't know what we're doing. Anyway. In this episode, Beth or Haley is a great swimmer and her dad buys drugs which somehow gets him trapped in his basement during a hurricane. As if that isn't bad enough, there are some large gators looking to make friends. There is also a backstory involving Haley's (or Beth's) twin sister Beth (or Haley) who faked her own drowning to go to Hollywood to be a star. June and Harvy talk shit through Crawl (2019).  

Welcome to spooky October. We've been dropping the ball a lot lately so this one isn't technically spooky but oh well. We watched this ages ago. Caution-- mass confusion ahead. We thought we were going to watch Scream 2...we already watched Scream 2 (see Episode 81). As for the movie we did watch? Lame. But we're fun so listen anyway. June and Harvy talk shit through TMNT 2: Secret of the Ooze (1995).

Patrick Swayze and Holly Berry team up with Sam Wise Gamgee to stop the moon from falling out of orbit, AI gone homicidal, or moon aliens from sucking our faces. Or something. This may or may not be an extended Porche commercial. Terrible CGI, convoluted plot, and conspiracy therapists. Oh, and space travel is only possible with the help of a naked giant. June and Harvy talk shit through Moonfall (2022).

The Rock takes an explosion to the face and has his leg amputated. He marries the sturgeon surgeon who saved his pretty face. Fast forward to their future which includes a child with asthma. Now the Rock must save his family from a ridiculous skyscraper in the most ridiculous of ways. June and Harvy talk shit through Skyscraper (2018). 

Potato (Channing Tatum) wants to be a Secret Service agent. Sad potato doesn't get the job but takes happy Tater Tot on a tour of the White House. Other stuff happens in the movie while we discuss Christian POGS and pitch our very good idea for a Rom-Com with a twist starring Hillary "Puppies" Swank and friend of the show, Nicholas Cage. June and Harvy talk shit through White House Down (2013). Follow us on Instagram at June_Harvy to see pictures of the cringy Christian POGS.

The Shit Show with June and Harvy is a podcast in which we watch a movie and talk through it. If you've never seen the movie you'll probably be lost. This is especially true this week, we fast-forwarded through all the parts which might have explained what was going on.  In this film, Will Smith, your friend, and mine but not Chris Rock's hangs out with a lady (Shrek) while trying to avoid being assassinated by a younger version of himself (Cloth). That's about all we know. We also practice our ASMR so we wouldn't advise operating heavy machinery while listening. June and Harvy talk shit through Gemini Man (2018).

Happy St. Patty's Day! The creators of this movie made some...interesting choices about how to portray the Leprechaun and ruined it in the process. We rehash the conversations we already had during the far superior first Leprechaun movie. Come watch with us. June and Harvy talk shit through Leprechaun Origins (2014). Follow us on Instagram at June_Harvy.

Happy Valentines Day! If you're feeling lonely listen to us watch Valentine and be thankful you're alone instead of being stalked by a slasher. Join Katherine Heigl, toilet water head, and maggot mouth as they try to survive being mean girls who make very questionable hygienic decisions. June and Harvy talk shit through (and play FMK...roommate) Valentine (2001).

In honor of the late great Betty White, we're re-releasing a fan favorite. Not only will you have the honor of being reintroduced to Pap Schmear Cola but you will also be reminded of what a cool old broad Betty was. June and Harvy talk shit through Lake Placid (1999).

Happy New Year! A very large cruise ship plots to and succeeds in murdering America's sweetheart Fergie. Multiple plot lines designed to get us to care flail around and reach no conclusion. But can we hope that this is an analogy for us all escaping the sinking ship of 2021 and being rescued by the helicopter of 2022? Probably not. June and Harvy talk shit through Poseiden (2006)

Here's a taste of what you're in store for based on June's Google searches during the movie: meteorologist, who studies meteors, flocking, flock of sheep, bloody in England, and delayed drowning. Hope you have a very Merry Christmas filled with handsome men and baby Jesus's coming to earth in a heaven/hell meteor. June and Harvy talk shit through "Christmas Icetastrophe" (2014). Follow us on Instagram at june_harvy.

One moment of mistaken sperm took this movie to a whole different place. The Rock flies the world's most fuel-efficient, convenient, and sturdy helicopter all across California to save his family from earthquakes and tsunamis. But he cannot save his other daughter. She's already dead, drowned in a vat of sperm as far as we can tell. June and Harvy talk shit through San Andreas (2015). Follow us on Instagram @june_harvy. New episodes are uploaded sometimes.

Yeah, we're late...we did it for you so you could go on enjoying Halloween while Christmas rapidly encroaches. Josh Hartnet has really bad hair. That's about tall there is to take from this one- low body count, unimpressive scares, and a waste of what could have been a decent redo 20 years later. June and Harvy talk shit through Haloween: H2O (1998). Follow us on IG @June_Harvy. New episodes occasionally.

A man named Xavier Xavierson pees on Samual L. Jackson's cheese and we got an action flick. June and Harvy talk shit through xXx (2002). New episodes released when we feel like it. Follow us on Instagram @ june_harvy.

Jenna Fischer is in this movie. Jenna Fischer taught June how to floss. Neither of those facts is relevant to what we watched. June and Harvy talk shit through Slither (2006).

We put on a dinosaur movie and Googled: 1) Did Jesus save everybody from hell? 2) Reptar on Ice 3) Revelations 10:12  4) Fossil fuels definition 5) crows bringing gifts 6) crows talking. So, if dinosaurs aren't your jam but Jesus and crows are, this is the podcast for you. June and Harvy talk shit through Jurassic Park 3 (2001).

Have you ever heard of this one? If you have, gold star for you. Pretty forgettable horror pic with an identity crisis. But you don't listen to us for the movie! You listen to hear our hilarious jokes and commentary. June and Harvy talk shit through The Zero Boys (1986).

This is a hidden gem. You've never heard of it because nobody knows what the name of this movie is. The Lift. Down. The Shaft. Nothing that happens makes any sense but there is plenty of death to make up for it. Except for the dog. The dog does not die! We refuse to accept any other outcome. June and Harvy talk shit through Down a.k.a. The Lift, The Shaft (2001)

Renny is back! And there were not nearly enough explosions. Oh well, Rambo hangs around, marries a horse (or two), and destroys a lot of money. We're pretty sure that's what this movie is about anyway. June and Harvy talk shit through Cliffhanger (1993).

A guy loses his vision in Vietnam, is trained to sword fight, gets involved with some shady dealings/kidnapping/murder, travels to Reno, drives, plays roulette, starts a riot, and saves the day by chopping a man in half and throwing him off of Mount Everest. June and Harvy talk shit through Blind Fury (1989).

Knock, knock? Who's there? You're an idiot! In a tale as old as time, humorless Hillary Swank must save the planet by restarting the Earth's core. Will she survive? Will she ever tell a joke? June and Harvy tell a lot of jokes through The Core (2003).

The Shit Show is a podcast in which we watch a movie with our eyeballs and describe it to you for your ear holes. In the 15 Minute Movie fix, we write and produce an alternate movie based on our observations, jokes we made while watching, and a sprinkle of what we wish the movie had been. This time we take on Ghosts of Mars so buckle in if you like acid, trains, bad voice acting, and a montage of Harvy attempting to say the word "patented." Sound Credits: All Planet sounds from space (Aryan Nobakht) Grappling hook shoot and hook impact (Dr. Sound FX) Train ride Interna Ambience sound (SoundEffectsFactory) Pounding on Metal Door Sound Effect (SoundEffectsFactory) Short heavy metal guitar riff (Sound Effects & More) Gunshot SFX (TLPSoundVault) Cartoon Piano Crash SFX (Myles Moss) Circular Saw Sound Effect (hackLAB) Blood Splatter Sound Effect (SoundEffectsFactory) Horror Sound Effect (Nosferatu Sound Effects)

Welcome back to the second edition of Movie Rewind where we take our best moments from a previously released episode and give it to you bite sized. We landed a thing on Mars again! Will the Perseverance encounter any Martian Ghosts? Probably not and we wish we hadn't either. Best as we can tell some lady popped a bunch of acid and witnessed an epic rave fueled by Martian bath salts. Ice Cube is in attendance and pretty much everybody dies. June and Harvy talked shit through Ghosts of Mars (2001).

The Shit Show is a podcast in which we watch a movie with our eyeballs and describe it to you for your ears. Here we have created an alternate movie based on our observations and what we believe the movie “should have been about, it’s not good nor does it make any sense so...enjoy…or don’t it’s your life. Welcome to June and Harvy’s ten-minute movie fix: “Deep Blue Sea: Fatal Attraction” Sound credits: Ocean lapping sounds- Nikhill Kumar Water splash: Sounds Recorded Submarine sound effect: oldstuff4all Explosions: Mass Games Popcorn popping: Sound Electric Deep Blue sea shark scene: Movieclips Gump eaten by a shark: Soundeffectsfactory Door opening: Mond I Belly slide: Sound Effects Outro music: “music: Funny Quirky Comedy by Redafs.com, Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

Welcome to the first Movie Rewind where we take our best moments from a previously released episode and give it to you bite-sized. In this shit storm, our favorite director Renny Harlin takes his explosive personality under the sea. Will Swarmy the Smuggler and friends be murdered by the super-smart shark? Or will female scientist save the day? Listen to find out. June and Harvy talked shit through Deep Blue Sea (1999).

This movie was a kick-ass, action slash horror slash comedy slash campy fantasy movie. Fanny tries to steal jewels, ends up locked away putting her butt on the tomatoes. Terrorists arrive, lots of brutal death, excellent horror of melted bodies, a half-digested man, not great monster reveal, and massive explosions. Where has this movie been all our lives? And what the hell was that ending? June and Harvy talk shit through Deep rising (1998).