PODCAST · comedy
Shut Up Simon
by Simon U.
Life's hard. So what? Comedian Simon U. offers profound and arguable useless wisdom for anyone with time to kill. New episodes every Monday.
Episodes
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Momma's Bando ft. Chike Robinson
Folks in the hood(speaking to my ninja's) need therapy the most. Just go see somebody. I swear even tho it's a lot of "therapy talk" in this episode, you will laugh your a$$ off. I'm not sure if any of the platforms care if you curse in the description but all the brand-building videos on youtube...
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Mulatto Propoganda ft. @talentharris
Why do the top 3 biracial rappers all have white mommas? Comedian Talent Harris pulls up to answer this question. We also discuss the best way to lie to our future kids in the age of endless information. IG: @talentharris IG: @shutupsimonpod Twitter: @simonuforreal Watch this episode on Youtube.
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Box Me Please ft. @electra_telesford
DID YOU MISS ME???? It's been a while. R.I.P Paul Mooney. His conviction to not just his truth but the truth is the reason he is so respected and coveted. While I was gone I celebrated my two-year stand-up anniversary. I thought I would've been touring the world playing blues harmonica by this...
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Ain't Nothing Special About Being Special ft. @jachukuomotayo
One time I got mistaken for Pharrell & Bruno Mars in the same day. Okay, maybe not "mistaken for," but I was told I looked like them. They don't even look alike. I thought I was special, but really, I just fit the short light skin, archetype. But that's cool too, both them fools got Grammys. This...
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Don't Leave Your Partner 'Cuz They're a Six
What if somebody told you that they could give you everything you ever wanted? They promised you, that over the course of your lifetime, all of your wildest dreams can come true. All you had to do was shake their hand and maybe work a little harder but that's about it. You agree, and when you go…
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Cone Thugs-N-Harmony ft.@MattMiggz
A whole lot of jokes this week, with a pinch of life-altering information. I pulled up on @mattmiggz this week to see what's taking him so long with the best album the world has ever seen. We also revisit the most offensive names from Flavor of Love, & Ray-J's show where he was looking for a...
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Nurturing the Inner Lil' Homie
"If you can remember how you got where you are now, you can figure out the rest." - Simeezy Bruh, I could really start a business making fortune cookies for cajun seafood restaurants. People who enjoy sauteed clam strips appreciate a good anecdote. In this week's episode, I go into the importance...
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Pop, Lock, & Tok It
My homie @edwards_eli pulls up to give Simon the skinny on how to be Tik Tok famous so I can move to California and live in a lukewarm hot tub. Also, if she asks you to take your shoes off, you already know what's up. Big thanks to @edwards_eli IG:@shutupsimonpod Twitter:simonuforreal Watch us on...
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The Player or The Game? Which Do We Hate The Most?
You mad at Michael Jordan, or you mad at basketball? Also, if you ain't from Atlanta, shut yo' a$$ up. IG: @shutupsimonpod Twitter: @simonuforreal Watch on Youtube https://youtu.be/DaqjpQ1knsQ https://open.spotify.com/show/4bilt5MYhEHNqTxzYSD0R7...
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What Are You Just Sayin?
This week I give a lesson in cooperation. The first lesson, if you have something to say, that is more than obvious, don't say it. The second lesson, if you have something to say that isn't that obvious, don't say it, yet. IG: @shutupsimonpod Twitter: simonuforreal Watch us on Youtube.
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F**K The Italian Police
If you're ever in Italy, pack a pair of Jordans. This week I tell ya'll about the time I got chased by Italian Cops, almost got robbed, and was saved by a man with no arms or legs. Shoutout to my sister for being the live(virtual) audience of 1. Somebody hit up "The Moth" Watch Us on Youtube. IG:...
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Porn Is Just Nudes From People We Don't Know
This week Simon is dolo. This ain't a TED Talk. Simon keeps it a buck about not wearing a mask in-doors, getting old at 28, & slapping anybody that questions the GOATness of Cee-Lo Green. IG: @shutsimonpod Twitter: @simonuforreal Watch us on
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Future, Getcho' Money Up ft. @RegThomas
Comedian Reg Thomas pulls up to the stu for a very entertaining and even more insightful conversation. Now if you not familiar w/ my boy Reg Thomas, you really lame as hell. He's been seen him on Buzzfeed, Complex, Comedy Central, the brother toured with Insecure's own, Amanda Seales. He hosts a...
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Expecting Anything At All This Year? Save Yourself the Trouble, DON'T!!!!
Expectations are a proven mood killer. Any & every mood will be made worse by expecting anything. If you want to experience any sort of joy & happiness, don't expect a goddamn thing. Check out Simon's newly bald head on Youtube. IG: @shutupsimonpod Twitter: @simonuforreal If you'd like to sell...
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Shawty Said She Want A Balder
Simon cut his locs off after 3 years of his hair doing its' thing. Is he depressed? Whatever the case, nobody really cares. Welcome to Season 2. Go watch us on Youtube here IG: @shutupsimonpod Twitter: @simonuforreal...
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Season 2 Trailer
Simon returns for Season 2, January 25th, 2021. Having expectations for anything is stupid, inclusion is destructive, and the pursuit of happiness only ends in the opposite. This season Simon playfully and critically discusses the hypocrisy and contradictions in our everyday lives.…
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Cheers to 2020 , You Triflin' M*tha F*cker
Congratulations. We made it. Despite the BS, we're here. Let's hug & kiss cuz we're gonna need all the love we can get in this year coming up. Happy New Year - Simon U. @shutupsimonpod @simonuforreal https://www.simonubryant.com/ watch on Youtube here
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Get It. Got It. Do Some Sh*t With It.
Today is the day. 12/21/2020. If you black, it's our day of transcendence into our new native land, I'm going to assume is Wakanda. Maybe this why we haven't gotten reparations, b/c they knew this entire thing was going down. Maybe. Maybe not. In Other News: Don't discount your own experience and...
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Humans Being feat. Rony Byas
Black people can thank racism for being excluded from the opioid crisis. & What TF is happening to us on December 21st? For the past several weeks, every episode has just been me & you. Sex therapists says2 in order for any relationship to work, the parties involved have to keep the loving spicy…
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But You Broke w/ a Perfect Credit Score
If you pull up on a punk bitch with cold, hard, cash money, the only credit you need is your name mentioned when the punk bitch tells the story about the G that pulled up & dumped 50K on his head. This week, join Simon for this rare financial discussion about how credit will have you going out…
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Happy Stanksgiving
Happy Holidays y'all. Regardless of what you celebrating, it's still a celebration. If you can, be with your fam, your friends, if you vegan, ain't nobody judging you if you eat a lil' turkey & mac & cheese. Here at Shut Up Simon, I am more than thankful for the listens, the shares, the comments…
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(H.A.N)
I'll say it again, we are all functioning egomaniacs. Making our whole world revolve around us, when the truth is, we have very little to do with most of the shit that happens to us. But if we all acted like the person in the group project who is confident in his own skill & knows regardless of...
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Why Make It, When You Can Fake It?
You ever just shut the f*ck up and let somebody else talk? Like completely? It's so ironic that each generation is convinced that it is smarter and more capable of eutopia than the previous generation. How close do we seem to that truth? The ego is the enemy. Our own belief in ourselves can be...
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Don't Hate The Player, Hate The Shame
This week Simon is talking 'KINK SHAMING.' How productive is none of it? @shutupsimonpod @simonuforreal Watch us on youtube.
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You Think Harriet Tubman Was Happy All The Time?
Look, I get it. Sh*t is bad, but that doesn't mean it's over. What we do right now is going to be what sets us up for when things change, and they will change. Sure, we may be on the brink of a civil, race war, plague, global explosion, apocalypse, but shit, you think Harriet Tubman was all…
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B.I.D.B
(If you can guess that acronym I’ll pay for your next uber eats meal, but only if it’s sushi) Took a break, but ain't nothing broken. "Shut Up Simon" has done some soul searching and realized the people don't want to hear someone they don't know have conversations with other people you don't…
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What's Wrong w/ White Kids? feat. Rallo Boykins
We 20 episodes deep!!!! Should pilots have guns on board? Why do white kids shoot up schools? We don't answer these questions, but me & my guest, comedian Rallo Boykins touch on these topics just enough to make fun of them. @ralloboykins @shutupsimonpod Watch us on youtube.
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We're Here for a Good Time, Not a Long Time
I'm working on vacation so I don't have much to say this week. In short, there's still time to complete the mission. @shutupsimonpod Watch us on youtube.
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Identity: The Search for Nothing
The eternal search for self has gotten us nowhere. But it seems to be in our destiny to never learn our lesson. This episode Simon gets on ya'll ass for this obsessesion with identity. https://linktr.ee/simonufunny @simonuforreal Watch us on youtube.
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The Pusher & The Product ft. Khidr Joseph
This week Simon sits down with Bedstuy's own Khidr Joseph. Khidr is a multi-disciplinary artist who epitomizes the concept of, D.I.Y. He's a starting five by himself in whatever the project is. Listen as they dissect some of his work, his attitude towards the reception, and how it's probably in…
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We're the Problem & the Solution ft. Dave (@imjustdave)
Dave is a Brooklyn based stand-up comedian, writer, actor, producer, and activist. He sits down with Simon to share his experience as a black patriot in a country that has yet to reciprocate that same pride in its' citizens that look like Dave. Simon & Dave share a number of hilarious stories,...
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ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND ft. @Tymac24 & @noyamshere_
Death to the player. The end of a game. If we want to level up as a whole, we can no longer act like this player shit is cool. Women deserve better. I invited two of my homies to reflect on our own womanizing behavior in this AA-esque episode. https://www.simonubryant.com/ Watch us on youtube....
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W.W.J.F.D: What Would Jamie Foxx Do ft. Matt Miggz
Tastemaker. If I had one homie who I would use this 2011 buzzword to describe, it would be my homie Matt Miggz. Miggz is a recording artist, producer, photographer, and is probably better than you at all of them. He's worked with Lebron James, T-Pain, Kith, Brent Faiyaz, and hella other cool ass...
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Can You Imagine Pt. 1 ft. Hugh Ep
I pulled up on my fellow A-T-Lien, Hugh EP this week. Nature would agree that this convo was monumental because it started storming crazy in the middle of the convo, only for the sky to open up and a rainbow beamed across it. Now I wouldn't say it was a coincidence, nor would I say this man Hugh...
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Simon, If You Don't Shut Yo' A$$ Up ft. Telsha Anderson
We sit down with Ms. Mogul herself @TelshaAnderson at her store in New York City. Telsha is the inspiration of my friend group no lie. @shutupsimonpod @simonuforreal https://linktr.ee/simonufunny Watch us on youtube.
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It's Not Your Fault You're Confused
10 in the chamber. @shutupsimonpod @simonuforreal https://linktr.ee/simonufunny Watch us on youtube.
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Tote Bag Shawty
Normalize tote bags for short men, but also just calm down. @shutupsimonpod @simonuforreal https://linktr.ee/simonufunny Watch us on youtube.
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We Are Too Big for Pomergranate Seeds!
We are too big for pomegranate seeds. Also, obesity & scoliosis are both a result of negligence. Just pay attention & you won't have to worry about either. @shutupsimonpod @simonuforreal https://linktr.ee/simonufunny Watch us on youtube.
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I'd Like to Introduce You to My Boy Dee Cision
Choices. Can't live em', can't live without em'. But in this uncomparable moment in time there are just way too many. @shutupsimonpod @simonuforreal https://linktr.ee/simonufunny Watch us on youtube.
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Shut Up Simon: PSA
There was an episode scheduled for today however, I felt compelled to share my views on the tense & uncertain state of the country. A message for black people and advice for white people who want to help. This fight is much bigger than me. I am not claiming to be an expert on anything, but if I…
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Reflect Yo' Self Before You WreckYo' Self
Self-reflection is hard because it reveals what we don't want to admit, that we're the reason our lives are messed up. @shutupsimonpod @simonuforreal https://linktr.ee/simonufunny Watch us on youtube.
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Simon, we don't care Vol. 1
As if anyone cares, Simon tells the story of how he ended up in Brooklyn, NY. Yeah NYC is a piece of shit, but there is some magic in the air here for sure. @shutupsimonpod @simonuforreal https://linktr.ee/simonufunny Watch us on youtube.
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Stop Gettin Finessed
I bet you won't tell your coworker what your last paycheck looked like. Why are black women so secretive about their age? Flex that fountain of youth one time. @shutupsimonpod @simonuforreal https://linktr.ee/simonufunny Watch us on youtube.
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Complainers vs. Venters, Who Would Win in a Fight?
We're all guilty of complaining, but nobody ever makes you feel bad about venting. Fuck those venters. @shutupsimonpod @simonuforreal https://linktr.ee/simonufunny Watch us on youtube.
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Animals Might Like the Zoo. Who Knows?
Do you ever think that maybe the wild may be too wild for some wild animals? Why do you think humans started living in buildings? @shutupsimonpod @simonuforreal https://linktr.ee/simonufunny Watch us on youtube.
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Wash Yo Damn Loofa!!!
It's the very first episode. That's all I'm going to say. @shutupsimonpod @simonuforreal https://linktr.ee/simonufunny Watch us on youtube.
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
Life's hard. So what? Comedian Simon U. offers profound and arguable useless wisdom for anyone with time to kill. New episodes every Monday.
HOSTED BY
Simon U.
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does Shut Up Simon have?
Shut Up Simon currently has 46 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is Shut Up Simon about?
Life's hard. So what? Comedian Simon U. offers profound and arguable useless wisdom for anyone with time to kill. New episodes every Monday.
How often does Shut Up Simon release new episodes?
Shut Up Simon has 46 episodes. Check the episode list to see recent publication dates and frequency.
Where can I listen to Shut Up Simon?
You can listen to Shut Up Simon on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts Shut Up Simon?
Shut Up Simon is created and hosted by Simon U..
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