Simon Ager

This is a little ditty I wrote in April 2026 inspired by ways to say that someone has lost their marbles (gone crazy) in French such as perdre le nord (to lose the north). The recording features me singing and playing the tenor ukulele. The chords are Dm, Gm, A7. Here are the words: Il a perdu le nord, et le sud, l'est et l'ouest He has lost the north, and the south, east and west Il a perdu la boussole, et la carte et son chemin He has lost his compass, and his map and his way Il a perdu la boule, et la batte et ses billes He's lost the ball, and the bat and his marbles Il a perdu la raison, et la tête et les pédales He's lost his reason, and his mind and his pedals Il a perdu son latin, et son grec et ses moyens He's lost his Latin, and his Greek and his means Il est au bout de son latin et il sait plus sur quel pied dancer He's at the end of his Latin and doesn't know which foot to dance on Il a perdu le nord, et le sud, l'est et l'ouest He has lost the north, and the south, east and west Il est perdu, il est perdu Il est perdu, il est perdu He is lost, he's lost He is lost, he is lost Il est perdu

This is a song I wrote in March 2026 based on the saying 'to throw in the towel', and other ways to say that you give up, quit, etc. The accompaniment is played on the baritone ukulele using E, A and B7 chords. Here are the words: However hard you try to reach for the sky You might just fail and want to bail But there's no need to flap or flail Maybe it's not your hour to blossom and flower you need more time to finish your climb and to build up all your power When it's time to quit and you really want to split just call it day and go on your way as there's no need to stop or stay If the moment is right to give up the fight throw in the towel and put down your trowel and wipe away that scowl Do it with style with a great big smile it's not the end, so don't go round the bend as you turn down the dial When you're rested and ready to have another go take it slow and let things flow and let yourself grow If you think you might stray and need help on your way look for a guide to be by your side and don't be tied by pride Listen to your heart and find the right part the road may be long and but if you stay strong you'll find where you belong you'll find where you belong

This is a little song I wrote in Feburary 2026 for no particular reason. It's about feeling frustrated that you're not managing to do the things you want to do, and the internal and external pressures that might be holding you back. Here are the words: What's holding you back? Is it the things that you lack or the things that you wish you had? What's bothering you? Is it the things you can't do or the things that you wish you knew? What's making you pale? Is it the fear you'll fail as you sail to seas unknown? What's slowing you down and making you frown? Is it the fear you'll look like a clown? Do you worry they'll mock you or try to stop you or try to get in your way? You can prove them wrong if you stay strong and stay true to your heart and soul The chords are D G A, and you can hear me singing and playing the baritone and tenor ukuleles, and the swanee whistle on the recording.

This is a song I wrote in October 2025 based on the saying 'when the cat's away, the mice will play', and similar sayings in other languages. Here are the words: When the cat's away the mice will play they'll play all day or so they say They'll play cards in the kitchen and poker in the pantry and dice on the deck and ludo in the loft When the cat's in France The mice will dance They'll dance a jig With a peacock and a pig They'll waltz in the wok and conga up the clock and tango round the table and salsa in the stable When the cat's in Spain The mice won't complain They'll have a ball And party in the hall They'll invite all their mates and eat all the dates and race round on rats and wear silly hats When the cat's away the mice will play they'll play all day or so they say

This is a song I wrote in August 2025 based on the phrase 'it's all Greek to me' and other ways to say that something is incomprehensible in various languages. This recording was made by me, and features me singing and playing the tenor and baritone ukuleles, shaky egg and kazoo. The Greek phrases you hear at the beginning of the track are ways to say that something is not understood in Greek (generated by https://ttsconverter.io/): Εἶναι γιὰ μένα κινέζικα (It's Chinese to me), Εἶναι ἀλαμπουρνέζικα (It's gobbledygook) and Εν τούρτζικα που μιλάς; (Are you speaking Turkish?). You can find other translations of this phrase in various languages at: https://www.omniglot.com/language/idioms/incomprehensible.php Here are the words: It's all Greek to me It's all Greek to me I don't understand a single word It's all Greek to me It's all Greek to me and not my cup of tea It might as well be Double Dutch It really is too much I don't understand a thing It makes no sense to me It's all a load of gibberish It's all Greek to me It's like a Spanish village or a little Bohemian one or is it like a Russian town? It just makes me frown It's quite beyond me It's complete gobbledygook It must be from an alien nation and I only understand railway station

This is a song I wrote in June/July 2025 for no particular reason. It plays with the word discombobulation, which means an embarrassing feeling that leaves a person confused, or a confused or disorderly state, and was coined in the USA some time in the early 19th century. This recording features me on vocals, guitar, cavaquinho, descant recorder, tenor recorder and (GarageBand) drums. Here are the words: Discombobulation is causing consternation and fueling frustration among the population Much misinformation and devious deception creeps like a conflagration across the whole nation There's a lot of lamentation and not much motivation, and a deep disinclination to solve the situation Cool cooperation and calm communication and deft determination can cause combobulation By the way, combobulation means the opposite of discombobulation; i.e. means an orderly, composed, organized state. See also: https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/discombobulate#English https://www.omniglot.com/radio/?p=4024

This song is about minding gaps that I wrote in May 2025. You can hear announcements advising you to 'mind the gap' on trains and stations in the UK, especially on the London Underground. Here are the words: Mind the gap between the train and the platform Mind the gap between the plane and the ground Mind the gap between the boat and the dock Mind the gap between the cart and the horse Chorus Mind the gap, oh mind the gap oh mind the gap, oh mind the gap Mind the gap, oh mind the gap Oh please do mind the gap Mind the gap between here and there Mind the gap between this and that Mind the gap between day and night Mind the gap between now and then Mind the gap between dreams and reality Mind the gap between needs and wants Mind the gap between fact and fiction Mind the gap between truth and lies

This is a song I wrote and recorded in June 2025 based on the phrase 'pie in the sky', which refers to something unobtainable, and comes from a 1911 song by the American labour leader Joe Hill (1879–1915), which includes the line: ‘Work and pray, live on hay, You'll get pie in the sky when you die’. https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/pie+in+the+sky Here are the words: If you fly up high and open your eyes you might just spy some pie in the sky At the end of the rainbow you might just find a pretty pot of gold or so I've been told If you search here and there and everywhere you might just snare a castle in the air Whatever you seek Wherever you peek You might just see something unique So open your eyes and your ears and your mind cause you never know what you might find cause you never know what you might find Played on the baritone ukulele, high and low whistles and the bodhrán. All parts sung / played by me. The chords are C, F and G

This is a little song I started writing in November 2024, and finished and recorded in March 2025. Here are the words: Chorus What are you waiting for? Oh What are you waiting for? Just walk through the door and go and explore. Oh, what are you waiting for? If you're waiting for the right time If you're waiting for the right rhyme, you'll be waiting a while and it could be a trial so why not go for it? If you're waiting 'til you're ready and everything's good and steady you may never start to do what's in your heart but that would not be smart Maybe you will fail or maybe you will fly but you'll never know unless you go with the flow and put on the very best show

This is a song I started working on in November 2024 and finished in March 2025. It was inpsired by hearing a friend talking about llamas and pyjamas, as you do. In the recording, I accompany myself on the baritone ukulele using the chords A, D and E. There are llamas in pyjamas on a beach in the Bahamas eating blue bananas and sitting in the sun There are alpacas with maracas down in old Caracas eating cream crackers and having lots of fun There are crocs in frocks Sitting on the rocks knitting lots of socks and eating all the buns There are gators in craters who will see you later waltzing with waiters and drinking all the rum There are turtles in tutus chugging round in choo-choos and eating fried fufus until the day is done

This is a song I wrote in October 2024 about all the pesky terms & conditions that few of us ever read, and even fewer understand. Here are the words. The chords are Dm, A and Gm. Terms & conditions apply, and with them you must comply. You've ticked the box, you've signed your name, you've read them all, or so you claim, but we all know that's a lie, and terms & conditions apply. If the things that we supply, harm you or make you cry. You could complain, but it's such a pain, and would be in vain, and drive you insane. So why go to the trouble and try, as terms & conditions apply. If it's bad or falls apart, or won't even start. It's not our fault, so don't blame us, as to make a fuss would be superfluous, as terms & conditions apply, and with them you must comply. Terms & conditions apply, and should you fail to comply, we can take car, we can take your house, we can take your kids and pets and spouse, we can take your hopes, we can take your dreams we can take your plots, your plans and schemes, we can take your ambitions, we can take your goals, and we can even take your very soul, as terms & conditions apply, and with them you must comply. We hope you have nice day, and everything goes your way, but if nothing works, and it drives you beserk, there's nothing we can do, other than smirk, as terms & conditions apply, and with them you must comply.

I wrote this song in August and September 2024 inspired by some rather heavy rain that we enjoyed during that time. Here are the words: When cats and dogs fall from the sky And you don't know the reason why Don't you worry, don't you cry It won't last forever, and that's no lie Chorus It's just a bit of precipitation and not a cause for consternation It might be a reason for celebration And that's no exaggeration When the heavens open and the rain pours down Don't you fret, don't you frown Just seek some shelter and wait awhile And before you know it the sun will smile When it's raining ropes or frogs or fish And things aren't going as you'd wish There's no need to sob and no need to sigh Just wait it out somewhere dry When it's pelting, tipping or bucketing down and you feel like you're going to drown An umbella can help to keep you dry Unless it's windy then you might fly See idioms for heavy rain in many languages: https://www.omniglot.com/language/idioms/rain.php

This is a song in the style of a sea shanty that I came up with in May 2024 for no particularly reason. Here are the words: On a wet and windy day in the month of May We set sail across the bay In fine sailing ship called the Bonnie Bonnie Bee Filled with cake and rum and cats and tea Chorus Horo we're off to sea To see what we can see and be Horo we're sailing free in the Bonnie Bonnie Bee We sailed across the seven seas and ate lots and lots of cheese We sailed on rivers and on lakes and ate lots and lots of cakes We moored in bays and coves and ports and met folks of many sorts We found things to marvel at and bought many many hats We sailed through many a fierce storm and sought places nice and warm We found a few and stayed a while which really made our captain smile One day soon we'll cease to roam and return to our distant home but until that day we'll sail along and try to stay strong

This is a silly little ditty I came up with in March 2024 while noodling around with the word noodle. I'm just noodling away quite happily and nothing can get in my way I could noodle all day down by the bay and noodle all through the night Will you noodle with me down by the sea? Will you noodle along the shore? Will you noodle and moodle and all that caboodle? We'll have a lot of fun you'll see We can noodle and doodle and eat some strudel with oodles of custard and cream And then noodle some more it won't be a bore Just noodling down on the shore Just noodling down on the shore Just noodling down on the shore Just noodling down on the shore Just noodling down on the shore to noodle = To engage in frivolous behaviour; to fool around or waste time; To hum or sing (a tune) at a low pitch or volume; To play a musical instrument or to sing in an improvisatory or lighthearted manner (other meanings are available) to moodle = To dawdle aimlessly, to idle time away. oodles = an unspecified large amount, number, or quantity; lots, tons. cabdoodle = any large collection of things or people.

This is a song based on the sentence 'Colorless green ideas sleep furiously', which was coined by the linguist Noam Chomsky in his 1957 book, "Syntactic Structures", to demonstrate that a sentence can be grammatically correct, but semantically nonsensical. I started writing it in May 2023, then forgot about. I came back to it in January 2024, and finished writing and recording it in February 2024. Colourless green ideas sleep furiously Down in the valley of the magic money tree Odourless fragrant fancies stand horizontally High on the hill of the humble bumblebee Clamorous quiet concepts shout silently And swim through the sky in an outburst of glee Friendly fiendish flavours flounce furtively And fly upside down through the deep blue sea

This is a little ditty I came up with in October 2023 based on the saying 'the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence'. Here are the words: The Other Side The grass is greener or so it seems and the sun never sets at least in your dreams Chorus On the other side On the other side Things seem better on the other side The trees look taller from where you stand and problems seem smaller and everything's grand Chorus Over on your side of the tracks the things you have might be things I lack But the things I have might be things you want and we're rarely happy with the things we've got Chorus Things may seem so fine and dandy and the weather's great and the shops are handy But it's all a matter of what you see what's ordinary to you might be special to me Chorus

This is a song I wrote in September 2023 inspired by some of the silly phrases that come up in the Scottish Gaelic lessons on Duolingo. It's in the style of a waulking song, a type of song that was traditionally sung in Scotland while women were waulking tweed cloth. This involved pounding it on a table to shrink it and make it more watertight. Songs helped pass the time and gave a rhythm to the work. Here are the words: Tha spùinneadairean-mara ann am Port Rìgh Ruith air falbh, ruith air falbh Tha guga aca is iad ga ithe Ruith air falbh an dràsta fhèin There are pirates in Portree Run away, run away With the salted gannet they like to eat Run away right now Tha Niseag ag òl IRN BRU Ruith air falbh, ruith air falbh Is dannsaidh i san talla a-nochd Ruith air falbh an dràsta fhèin Nessie is drinking IRN BRU Run away, run away And she'll dance in the hall tonight Run away right now Tha bradan beag anns a' drathair Ruith air falbh, ruith air falbh Is buntàta bòidheach air a' bhàr Ruith air falbh an dràsta fhèin There's a small salmon in the drawer Run away, run away And an pretty potato on the bar Run away right now Tha leòmhainn a' leum ann an Leòdhas Ruith air falbh, ruith air falbh Is tha Leagsaidh leisg ri a leannan Ruith air falbh an dràsta fhèin A lion is leaping in Lewis Run away, run away And lazy Lexy is with her lover Run away right now It can be sung in one or other of the languages, or in both, as I do in the recording.

This song came to me in August 2023 when I was playing with words related to stuff and nonsense. This recording features me singing and playing the baritone ukulele. The chords are Bm, Fm and Em. Here are the lyrics: There's so many people With so much to say No matter what you do They'll say it anyway It's all stuff and nonsense With not a fact in sight They spout it all day And all through the night Truth doesn't matter Research is a waste Lies are more juicy And more to their taste Don't be fooled by hogwash By piffle and by tosh It's all a load of humbug Spouted by the posh They'll reel you in They'll convince you it's true And if you believe them You'll be in a stew

This is a little song I wrote in August 2023. Here are the lyrics: Farewell, Farewell It's time to go Goodbye, Goodbye It's time to fly So long so long It's time to run So find your goat And get your coat Cheerio, cheerio It's the end of the show The bell has rung And the large lady has sung The curtains are down And seats are up So find your toad And hit the road Toodle-oo, toodle-oo No time to stew Just slip away You cannot stay Go well, stay well It's time to yell Take care, take care Wherever you go See you later alligator In a while crocodile See you soon Big blue baboon Walk out the door Dinosaur

This is a little about time song I wrote in July 2023. This recording features me singing and playing the baritone ukulele (the chords are D, G and A), and you can hear one of my clocks at the beginning (with a few effects added). Here are the words: Time is a flowing It just keeps on going And nothing or no one Can make it stop There's never enough To do all the stuff That we need And want to do We save it, we spend it We waste it, we lend it And it just keeps Flying by Time is a river An ocean, a sea It ripples and flows And rushes by A stitch in time Might save you nine So take your time And do things right They say time is money It's not very funny So do hurry honey There's no time to loose Time can run out Run over and away It's an illusion you know But it's here to stay It's time to go It's the end of the show Time to fly And say goodbye And say goodbye

Here's a little song I wrote in June 2023 for no particular reason. This recording features me singing and playing the baritone and tenor ukueles. The chords are D G A and A7. Here are the words: A little patience, a little patience Can help you through your day Just count to ten, and take a breath If things aren't going your way. Life can be tough and the road can be rough But patience can smooth the way So look at the sky and give it a try And your worries might fly away There's no need to rant or rave or rage There's no need to stomp or shout Just a little patience is what you need To let your worries out We've all got things we need to do And places we need to be A little patience can help us all To get from A to B A little patience, a little patience Can help us through the day Whatever the weather, let's keep it together And have a little patience today.

This is a little ditty I came up with in May 2023. The original plan was to make a song based on interjections like er, um, oh and so on, Then I decided to add other words to make it more interesting. The tune came to me as I was playing around with some chords. on the uke. In this recording all the instrumental parts are played on the baritone ukulele. Here are the words: ho ha hey Let's dance and play hey ha ho Let's put on a show ah eh ee Let's swim in the sea ee eh ah Let's dance on the bar er oo um Let's eat something yum um oo er Let's make a big stir bee ba boh Let the music flow boh ba bee Let the people see ho ha hey That's all I've got say hey ha ho It's time to go

Here's a little song I wrote in Scottish Gaelic in April 2023. I was inspired by some of the silly phrases that come up in the Gaelic course on Duolingo, which often feature Iain and Màiri. Here are the words and a translation: Seist Thoir an aire, thoir an aire Thoir an aire, tha Iain a' tighinn Thoir an aire, thoir an aire Tha Iain rùisgte is tha e a' tighinn Ghoid Màiri a drathais Ghoid Màiri a briogais Ghoid Màiri a geansaidh gorm is geal Ghoid Màiri a lèine Ghoid Màiri a brògan Ghoid Màiri aodach Iain gu lèir Ruith air falbh, ruith air falbh Ruith air falbh tha Iain a' tighinn Ruith air falbh, ruith air falbh Tha guga aige is tha e a' tighinn Càit bheil Calum? Càit a bheil Coinneach? Càit a bheil Ceiteag? Am faca tu iad? Càit a bheil Mairead? Càit a bheil Mòrag? Ruith iad air falbh oir tha Iain a' tighinn Chorus Watch out, watch out Watch out, Iain is coming Watch out, watch out Iain is naked and he's coming. Màiri stole his pants Màiri stole his trousers Màiri stole his blue and white jumper Màiri stole his shirt Màiri stole his shoes Màiri stole all Iain's clothes Run away, run away Run away, Iain is coming Run away, run away He has salted gannet and he's coming Where is Calum? Where is Kenneth? Where is Katie? Have you seen them? Where is Margaret? Where is Morag? They run away because Iain is coming

This is a little song that came to me one night in March 2023. Here are the words: What do you do when the world's all askew and everything's out of its place? Nothing is right and try as you might You just can't stand the pace. Chorus Upside-down and downside up Back to front and front to back Inside out and outside in It puts you in a spin. What do you do when your life's in a stew and nothing is going your way? It's all too much to handle or touch And you don't know what to say. What do you do when you're feeling blue and nothing makes any sense? Maybe a song or a smile will help to make you feel less tense. Welsh Chorus Dibyn-dobyn, dobyn dibyn Igam-ogam, ogam-igam Miga-moga, moga-miga Mae popeth o ei le

Have you ever gone somewhere and forgotten why? If so, this song is for you. I wrote it in October 2022. Here are the words: What did I come in here for? Something important I'm sure Something to fetch or find Oh what did I come in here for? What did I come in here for? I forgot as I came through the door I cannot remember, I cannot recall Oh what did I come in here for? What did I come in here for? This has happened at times before I need a clue to get out of this stew Oh what did I come in here for? What did I come in here for? What did I come in here for? Just let me think and I'll get it Ah, that's what I came in here for

This is a little song I wrote in September 2022 based on idioms that mean something is easy, like 'as easy as falling off a log'. Here are the words: It's as easy as pie As falling of a log It's a snap, it's a breeze It's like shelling peas It's a walk in the park It's child's play And I could do it in my sleep It's a piece of cake It's chicken soup It's as simple as jam It's a flower in your ear It's a partridge in the bag It's bread and butter And the hedgehog understands It's not rocket science It's not sorcery It's no sweat at all It's not brain surgery It's easy like hello It's an easy job It's as easy as 1 2 3 It's as easy as A B C It's as easy as anything Some easy idioms in various languages: https://www.omniglot.com/language/idioms/easy.php

In English you might say something is as likely as pigs flying or hell freezing over. In other languages there various other ways to express the same ideas. I incorporated some of these idioms into this song, which I wrote in August 2022. Here are the words: When pigs fly through the sky When the crows fly upside down When snow falls down in hell That's when we'll do that thing When hens grow teeth in their beaks When calves dance on the ice When owls preach in the woods That's when we'll do that thing When the cactus grows in your hand When grapes grow on the willows When hair grows on the frogs That's when we'll do that thing When fish climb the poplar tree When a crayfish whistles on the hill When cows cough and lice sneeze That's when we'll do that thing When the sun rises is the west When the sky falls to the ground When the rain rises to the clouds That's when we'll do that thing You can find these idioms in various languages at: https://www.omniglot.com/language/idioms/flyingpigs.php

This is a song I wrote in April 2022 about how much I like reading. Dyma cân mi wnes i sgwennu ym mis Ebrill 2022 am faint dw i'n hoffi darllen. Here are the lyrics: Lost in a good book That's where I like to be Sitting in a comfy chair That's the place for me Whatever the weather Wherever I roam If I have a good book I feel right at home Reading or listening Romance or fantasy Fact or fiction They're all fun for me I could read all day And all through the night And then read some more As long as there's light Just one more chapter or maybe two or three and then I'll be with you Just you wait and see So let's get lost in good books It's a great place to be Who knows what adventures Are waiting for you and me

This is a little song I wrote during a heatwave in July 2022. Here are the words: It's hot in here It's hotter out there It’s hot in the shade And everywhere It's too hot to stand It's too hot to sit It's too hot to think or even blink One day soon This heat will go It will be all over before we know Or maybe it won't and we'll have to adapt and find clever ways to keep cool and sane It's hot in here It's hotter out there and I'm just melting in this chair The days are hot The nights are too There’s no escape We’re in a stew

When a Dutch friend sent me some silly phrases in Welsh about Owen and his parsnips from the Duolingo Welsh course, I was inspired to write this song. I wrote it in July 2021, and made this recording in July 2022. Pan mi anfonodd ffrind o'r Iseldiroedd rhyw ymadroddion gwirion yn y Gymraeg am Owen a'i banas o gwrs Cymraeg ar Duolingo, mi ges i fy ysbridoli i sgwennu'r gân ma. Mi wnes i sgwennu hi ym mis Gorffenaf 2021, a mi wnes i gwneud y recordiad ma ym mis Gorffenaf 2022. Here are the words: Pannas Owen (Owen's Parsnips) Cyrfa (Chorus) O lle mae pannas Owen? (Where are Owen's parsnips?) Lle mae pannas Owen? (Where are Owen's parsnips?) Lle mae pannas Owen? (Where are Owen's parsnips?) Does neb yn gwybod. (Nobody knows) Ydyn nhw yn y gegin? (Are they in the kitchen?) Ydyn nhw efo'r dewin? (Are they with the wizard?) Ydyn nhw yn y felin? (Are they in the mill?) Does neb yn gwybod. (Nobody knows) Ydyn nhw yn yr oergell? (Are they in the fridge?) Ydyn nhw yn y tegell? (Are they in the kettle?) Ydyn nhw yn y lyfyrgell? (Are they in the library?) Does neb yn gwybod. (Nobody knows) Ydyn nhw ar y to? (Are they on the roof?) Ydyn nhw dan glo? (Are they locked up?) Ydyn nhw'n crwydro? (Are they wandering?) Does neb yn gwybod. (Nobody knows) Ydyn nhw yn y coeden? (Are they in the tree?) Ydyn nhw yn yr awyren? (Are they in the plane?) Ydyn nhw yn y gacen? (Are they in the cake?) Does neb yn gwybod. (Nobody knows)

This is a little song in Welsh and English that I wrote in June 2022. It plays with some of the ways the Welsh word canu can be used. The ffal di ral parts don't mean anything, by the way, but the word falderal (also written falderol or folderol) does exist in English and means a nonsensical refrain in old songs, foolish nonsense or a showy but worthless trifle. Dyma gân fach mi wnes i sgwennu yn y Gymraeg ac yn Saesneg ym mis Mehefin 2022. Mae'n chwarae efo'r gair canu. Nid ydy'r rhanau ffal di ral yn golygu dim byd, gyda llaw, ond mae'r gair ffaldirál / ffaldilál yn bodoli yn y Gymraeg, ac mae'n golyg lol, sothach, tegan neu ffril. Dyma'r geiriau / here are the words: Mae'r adar yn canu yn y coed Ffal di ral di rw di ro The birds are singing in the woods Ffal di ral di rw Mae'r tegell yn canu yn y gegin Ffal di ral di rw di ro The kettle is singing in the kitchen Ffal di ral di rw Dan ni'n canu am ein bwyd Ffal di ral di rw di ro We are singing for our supper Ffal di ral di rw Mae merch yn canu'r delyn yma Ffal di ral di rw di ro A girl is playing the harp here Ffal di ral di rw Dan ni'n canu gan lawenydd Ffal di ral di rw di ro We're singing for great joy Ffal di ral di rw Mae'r cath yn canu grwndi yna Ffal di ral di rw di ro The cat is purring over there Ffal di ral di rw Mae'n nhw'n canu clychau yno Ffal di ral di rw di ro They're ringing bells over yonder Ffal di ral di rw A rŵan oes angen canu'n iach Ffal di ral di rw di ro And now we must take our leave Ffal di ral di rw

This is a little song I wrote in May 2022 about how difficult it can be to find some peace and quite in our noisy world. Here are the words: The world can be a noisy place with peace and quiet hard to trace with clamour and clatter and clanging so near and hubbub often in your ears. Be quiet, be quiet, please keep it down Such bustle and fuss can make your frown Be cool, be calm and chill a while and may the silence make your smile. Let sounds of nature fill your ears To soothe your soul and calm your fears The whispering wind and sighing seas The singing birds and buzzing bees. Be quiet, be quiet, please keep it down Such bustle and fuss can make your frown Be cool, be calm and chill a while and may the silence make your smile.

I wrote this song in January 2022 inspired by all the dust from the building work that was going on in my garden. Here are the words: There's dust in the air There's dust everywhere Over here and over there And even in your hair You can vacuum it up You can wipe it away And keep it at bay At least for a day You can earn a crust Wiping up the dust And never go bust Cause in dust you can trust So dust if you must If you can be fussed And you can be sure There'll always be more

I wrote this lullaby in February 2022 after learning that a Scots word for lullaby is lillilu. This is also written lilly-loo or lilli-lu, and an extended version is lillila-baloo. Here are the words: Just lie down and rest your head Lillila-baloo Warm and cozy in your bed Lillila-baloo Chorus Lillila-baloo Lillila-baloo Lillila-baloo Lillila-baloo Close your eyes and rest a while Lillila-baloo And may your dreams make you smile Lillila-baloo May your sleep be long and deep Lillila-baloo If it's not then count some sheep Lillila-baloo May your worries melt away Lillila-baloo Ready for another day Lillila-baloo

In this episode I talk a bit about midwinter traditions and words related to the solstice, Christmas and December.

In this episode I talk about linguistic correctness. That is, the idea that there are correct ways to speak and write languages that conform to grammatical standards and conventions ('rules'), and that anything else is wrong. See also: https://www.omniglot.com/radio/?p=1605

In this episode I talk about the gamification of language learning, and specifically how gamification is used in language learning apps like Duolingo. See also: https://www.omniglot.com/radio/?p=1509

This is a song that came to me on a Wednesday morning in September 2021 when I was lying in bed thinking about getting up. The tune came to me the following day. Here are the words: Music in the Air There's music in the air There's music everywhere Over here and over there You can find it if you dare It's there from the start In the beating of your heart In your hands and in your feet Oh can you feel the beat? It's in the rivers and trees It's floating on the breeze It's in the buzzing of the bees And the sighing of the seas It can excite, delight and move It can make you want to groove So open up your ears And let it soothe your fears See also: https://youtu.be/k3wyBpO_OG4

Today we are looking at the origins and use of emoji, those little symbols that appear in text messages, emails and other electronic communications. An emoji is a pictogram, logogram, ideogram or smiley used in electronic messages and web pages. Emoji are used to fill in emotional cues otherwise missing from typed conversations. They include facial expressions, common objects, places and types of weather and animals. The word emoji comes from the Japanese word 絵文字 (emoji), which is also written えもじ or エモジ, and means emoji, pictorial symbol, pictograph or pictogram, or literally “picture writing”. You can find more details at: https://www.omniglot.com/radio/?p=1457

This episode looks at the origins of the most common surnames in England, Wales and other countries. See also: https://www.omniglot.com/radio/?p=1377

In this episode I talk about Japanese, giving an overview of the history of the language, its vocabulary and grammar, and how and why I learnt it. See also: https://www.omniglot.com/radio/?p=1303

In this episode I talk about emoticons or “pictorial representation of a facial expression using punctuation or other keyboard characters”. I look at the history of these symbols, which goes back a lot further than 1994, when the word emoticon was first used in writing.

This is a song I came up with in May 2021 inspired by wierd and wonderful phrases that come up on Duolingo. A little green owl, known as Duo, is the logo of Duolingo. The day I wrote it (23/05/21) also happened to be the day my Duolingo streak reached 1,400 days. Here are the words: The little green owl once said to me Why don't you sit down under my tree I can teach you things that'll make you smile So sit and listen for a while Let's talk about penguins and bears that sing About dogs and ducks and pieces of string Some of this might be a little crazy But that helps it stick inside your brain The moon is yellow 'cause it's made of cheese Did the blackbirds find the seagull's keys? The hedgehog puts meatballs in the pan The bear can't dance but the little duck can Oh why is your pink cat wearing that hat? Where's all the butter and is that your bat? Such a fish does not drink any beer And the rhinoceros has nothing to fear That little green owl has taught me a lot About elephants and badgers and dragons hot The more you learn the more fun it'll be If you just keep at it you will see

In this episode I talk about punctuation, focusing particularly on the history and development of punctuation, and some of the people involved. You can find notes on this episode and links to further information at: https://www.omniglot.com/radio/?p=1170

Today I have some exciting news from the world of language learning for you. Technology that will amaze and astound you. What is it? You'll have to listen to this episode to find out.

In this episode I talk about words - what they are and where they come from. This is losely based on a talk I gave at the Polyglot Gathering in Bratislava in 2018 entitled 'Deconstructing Language'. You can also find this podcast at: https://www.omniglot.com/radio/?p=1078

In this episode I talk about the Spanish language, looking at its history, grammar, current status, and how I learnt it.

This is a song I wrote in October and November of 2020. It features words for hello, how are you and good morning in 33 languages - all of which I've studied or dabbled with, and one I invented (Laala), plus some English dialects. I can have at least basic conversations in half of them. The only language I've studided that isn't featured here is BSL (British Sign Language) - if I make a video for this song, I will add it. The languages (in order of appearance) are: English, Scots, Welsh, Cornish, Irish, Scottish Gaelic, Manx, Breton, French, Spanish, Latin, Italian, Portuguese, Romanian, German, Dutch, Swedish, Danish, Faroese, Icelandic, Czech, Russian, Slovenian, Serbian, Slovak, Mandarin, Cantonese, Taiwanese, Japanese, Esperanto, Toki Pona, Laala. Here are the words: Hello hi hey hello Hi hey hello hi hey Hello hi hey Hello hey hi Hello hi hey hello Ey up, ow do, yer right? Hiya, wotcha, what's up? What's occuring? Alrite la Hullo, Whit like? Ey up, ow do, yer right? Bore da, shwmae, ti'n iawn? Dydh da, hou sos, fatla genes? Cad é mar atá tú? Dia dhuit Ciamar a tha thu? Kys t'ou? Salud, Mat an traoù ganit? Bonjour salut ça va ? Buenos días ¡hola! ¿Qué tal? Salve, Come va? Olá, Tudo bem? Bună ziua, salut, ce mai faci? Hallo, Guten tag, Wie gehts? Goededag, Hoe gaat het met jou? Hallå, Hur mår du? Goddag, Hejsa Hallo, Góðan dag, Hey, Sæll Dobrý den, Ahoj, Jak se máš? Здравствуйте, Привет, Как дела? Dober dan, Živjo Здраво, Како си? Dobrý deň, Ahoj, Ako sa máš? 你好 (nǐ hǎo), 早安 (zǎo'ān), 你好吗 (nǐ hǎo ma) 你好 (néih hóu), 早晨 (jóusàhn), 點呀 (dím a) 你好 (lí-hó), 𠢕早 (gâu-chá) お早う (ohayō), 今日は (konnichiwa) Saluton, toki, ta do da

This is a song I wrote in November of 2020. It concerns the eternal search for thingamigs, whatsits, gizmos and other assorted whatchamacallits. This recording features me singing all the parts and playing the piano, cavaquinho and guitar. While writing it I put together a page of words like thingamajig in many different languages at: https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/thingamajig.htm Here are the words: Oh have you seen the thingamajig? I had it a moment ago But then I put it down and now I can't find it Oh where has it gone, do you know? Chorus It's gone, it's gone, I can't find it anywhere It's gone, it's gone, it cannot be found It's gone, it's gone, it must be somewhere Oh where has it got to that thingamajig? You know the one that looks like a wossname With red doodahs on the top We bought it last year in that shop with the gizmos Down by the whatchamacallit

This is tune I came up with while noodling on the piano in October 2020. This version and was recorded in December 2020 and a the sounds you hear come from the cavaquinho. For the full stereo effect, try listening on headphones. The title comes from seeing a neighbour's kittens frolicing in my garden - see photo.