Smells Like Foot – Ask Natalie » Podcast Feed

Ooooohhh, Aaaah! Natalie is practicing her fireworks yells as the 4th of July approaches. She is also preparing to yell during the next Governor election. Strange that they have the same retorts.

Natalie knows it is summer because it is Volcano Hot outside. However it is never to hot to eat crabs. A Maryland tradition yes, but you have to be delicate to get the bounty even though she uses a mallet.

Its Fathers Day this weekend and Natalie has big plans for her Dad. The list is massive and it includes the World Cup and all its nasty horns! She would rather listen to Will Farrell and his cow bell.

Natalie got a trampoline because of her good grades and unfortunately her favorite jump is the butt drop! And to top that off she figured out that it is just a method to implement exercise by her shrewd parents.

After 40 years of marriage or 280 dog years, Al and Tipper are getting a divorce. Looks like a big carbon footprint to split up, hope the lawyers get it right this time and he gets Florida.

Decoration Day, which started in 1868 is the precursor to our modern day Memorial day. God Bless our veterans and that 3 bean salad.

Natalie hears that a lady gave birth while driving and wonders if she immediately jumped into the HOV lane. With Clicket or Ticket in the works care of Maryland’s finest, Natalie has her own reservations.

The season finale of LOST is airing soon and Natalie gets the scoop form JJ Abrahams son JJ Jr. The big question is why hasn’t Hurley lost any weight, especially on an island called LOST.

Bailouts are abounding and Greece is no exception. However Natalie is a little confused and wonders why the broadway play Grease can’t hold its own. Aw the theatre!

Space travel and Stephen Hawkins have Natalie thinking about Aliens visiting and not being in a bad mood. She’s not thinking that Alf or the Great Gazoo could pack a big punch.

Glaucoma or cataracts, that is the question and Natalie has the answers. She seems a little freaked out by a procedure that makes pupils real big like a crazed cat and wonders if it is her health care plan.

How does the lack of long cellulose fibers in toilet paper make people walk around in a big bubble of hate and misery? Natalie will explain it all.

Natalie can’t wait to become a parent so she can say cool parent things like “do as I say and not as I do.” Her notice of hypocrisy is also apparent in Congress when Pelosi said “we’ll find out what is in the bill after it passes.” Jeesh!

The Baltimore Orioles are having their opening day and Natalie wonders if they are already mathematically eliminated. She also chimes in on the yelling of “OH” during the National Anthem, a Baltimore tradition.

Natalie’s agent hooked her up with her own radio show on Saturday with First Lady Kendel Ehrlich. Of course it is just an elaborate April Fools joke and Natalie hopes another elaborate joke is the new health plan.

March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb but there is one day right in the middle for drunks. Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Looks like everybody could use some Vitamin D.

Natalie writes a note to Ryan O’Neil apologizing to him for her snub from the Academy Awards death tribute. Michael Jackson made it and he was only in one film while Farrah was in 14 and was once married to this dude worth 6 million dollars!

Natalie doesn’t like to use the word “hate” but likes loathe, detest, nauseate disapprove among others. What does all this have to do with a clown wearing headgear? Natalie knows.

With the Winter Olympics going strong, the Japanese delegation was apologizing all over themselves. Not on the mountain but on the floor of congress. The CEO of Toyota wasn’t winning any medals just stuck pedals.

Irvin Berlin wrote a great song called White Christmas however Natalie is experiencing White Easter! She felt like she was an Olympic champion because she stepped out of the car and lugged for 30 yards.

Over 5 billion dollars is spent every year on illegal football office pools so Natalie decided to create one for the third grade. She also has a side bet on the pair of blizzards that are heading towards her state. Ouch!

Bubble wrap is turning 50! You can’t have a bad day when bubble wrap is around. Maybe President O’Bama should send some to everybody in congress and let them go at it!

Sitting is something that most people do every day but nobody stands for sitting like Natalie, especially Canadians. From ice fishing to the penalty box Canadians just do too much on their behinds.

Natalie is sporting her purple as she prepares for the big play off game with her Ravens and the Colts. Her over under is Jared Johnson over with Payton Manning under him. She’s all smash-mouth!

Natalie is a little frustrated at the big crowds and sweaty people. She is not talking about the mall but the gym! She has not just seen spare tires but some people are sporting a whole set.

The year and the decade is over so now how do we refer to the decade of zeros. We have the roaring twenties, the fabulous fifties but what do we call the decade of zeros? Here comes the teens!

Natalie is all excited about the 23.8 inches of snow she received. On a regular snow day she is not about snow removal but having fun and oh yeah driving Mom crazy.

Natalie was twirling her thumbs during the big Christmas concert because all the political correctness has ruined Christmas carols. Frosty the snowman is now called Frosty the hermaphodite snow creature.

Natalie had a big long talk with Santa Claus and she is trying to help him relocate to the moon because Al Gore says because of climate change the world is melting.

This is not the favorite holiday of Natalie because anytime she can open a present that holiday supersedes all other holidays. However she does plan on eating nine pounds of mashed potatoes today!

Natalie is questioning me about my 30-year high school reunion and ponders how I ever could have lived through the disco era.

Natalie hates the orthodontist because she needs a palet expander and might have to pull some teeth. How do dentists go into somebody’s mouth and deal with all the spit?

The DSL was on the fritz so Tech Support had to be called in order to clean out the spam filter and get the whole POP 3 stuff realigned. Doesn’t spam come in a can?

Natalie doesn’t understand how Halloween has turned into an adult holiday and how some people can just turn off their porch lights and let all the kids pass them by. WTF!

How come time is so precious but some people waste their time? Natalie thinks it is time we look into time and not save that thought for another time.

The dow finally went over 10,000 points since the big collapse but Natalie wants to talk about Halloween and corn mazes and not the standard S&P index. Kids have their priorities you know.

Natalie leads a very very busy life and is a victim of her own schedule. I’m glad that I am not that busy. She thinks she might need a “straw”berry to manage herself.

In school Natalie was thinking out of the box and blaming Henry Ford because he was driving while using a Smith & Corona typewriter. He not only invented the mass production of the car but modern day texting.

A new study on spanking has Natalie wondering why Dr. Suess never wrote a book on the topic. Does One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Spank the Blue Fish Ring a bell? Didn’t think so.

Nuts! Natalie has many examples about Nuts from the invention of peanut butter to the siege of Bastone but the organization Acorn has brought nuts to a whole new level.

Just another ho-hum day in Baltimore when Natalie sadly talks about the local Ducks leaving the city of Baltimore forever. On top of that some knuckleheads tried to steal the number “8” statue in front of Camden Yards.

Natalie talks about all facets of substitutes from substitute teachers, to pinch runners and egg beaters. She even suggests a substitute for the Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi…Rosanne Rosanna-dana.

Natalie goes back to school and learns that they have changed the name of everything! The lunch room is now called the Consumption Arena and she has to put her coat in her vertical storage pod. What’s next?

Don’t you hate it when you walk in a room and you forget why you walked in? Do you think Nancy Pelosi ever does that? No, she just talks out of both sides of her mouth.

Natalie has tickets for the Ravens game that she scored at a Town Hall meeting. While others were discussing the private medical care and other important issues Natalie lost it with Her “Wacko for Flacko” chant.

Natalie has her whole summer filled with different camps to go to. She brings her sister in to share some little ditty’s from her favorite camp…Joke camp!

Nothing like a bunch of world leaders getting together to kick some cold ones back. Natalie doesn’t understand why Winston and Hitler didn’t visit Roosevelt at Coney Island and put that whole mess to bed.

Natalie explains that learning how to manipulate and negotiate at an early age will help in breaking that glass ceiling. She read a book called The Power of Nice which explains how you get more flies with honey.

If the whole airplane is filled with pets then who is flying it? Scooby-Doo? What about the attendants? What snacks will be served? Does everybody just drink out of the toilet?

If you had one day to live what would you eat and why? Most people treat their meals like it is their last one. Would you trade popcorn for broccoli? Natalie would and you can’t imagine why.