Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast

Dispatch Part 3: Kingdom Hearts 4: A Puzzle of the Flesh Square Roots - Episode 526 Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:05:40 Quest Log: 0:30:15 Level Up: 1:56:41 We are terrified with our encounters with the ultimate villain of Dispatch: SLADE!  Also: • Ten Minutes on Yeast Infections • Another Ten Minutes on Pizza Bagels and Rolls • Kevin Costner Is Just Boring Patrick Swayze • Matt Forgot His Belt • Vanessa Wants A Salt Lick This Week: Finish Episode 6 of Dispatch! Next Week: Finish Dispatch! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dispatch Part 2: His Name Is Mister Whisky And No One Knows If He's A Guy In A Suit Square Roots - Episode 525 Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:02:25 Quest Log: 0:24:00 Level Up: 2:01:15 OBSESSION (2026) SPOILERS AT 02:17:00 THROUGH 02:26:00 We become an old person podcast! We don't approve of this Yung Gravy, even if his delivery as Golem is quite good. That's right, we're adding so many more Dispatch episodes. Eight? Twelve? Thirty two?! Also: • Warriors Cats! • Page Doctor Matt For Cruising Analysis • Name One Bad Thing Chevy Chase Has Ever Said • We Finally Remember to Do a Johnny's Bullshit Mini Game Corner This Week: Finish Episode 4 of Dispatch! Next Week: Finish Episode 6 of Dispatch! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dispatch Part 1: First Of All, Yes. Of Course.  Square Roots - Episode 524 We play Dispatch! It's fun. We only covered eps 1 and 2 of the game this week. Sorry for lying!  This Week: Episodes 1 and 2 of Dispatch  Next Week: Episodes 3, 4, and 5 of Dispatch  Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Legend of Dragoon Part 9: Lip Or Mustache Square Roots - Episode 523 Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:07:51 Quest Log: 0:36:45 Level Up: 2:29:35 A Fleshy Body of a God gets squirted onto Planet Endiness, everyone gets to deal with unresolved moments from the past, and Dart finally gets to talk to his Dad in this extra special extra long finale for the Legend of Dragoon series! We did it! We finished the game! Also: • A Joke For Our European Listeners • Is Jim's Mind Blown • P-E-O-N-I-X • DAN ACKROYD CAN'T HAVE AN ERECTION • A Romantic Threesome This Week: Finish Legend of Dragoon! Next Week: Finish Episode 4 of... Dispatch?! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Legend of Dragoon Part 8: The Winglies' Plan A Is Kill A Baby Every 108 Years Square Roots - Episode 522 Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:06:20 Quest Log: 0:25:15 Level Up: 1:34:00 We get to the best part of the game: uncovering and exploiting the Winglies' legal process! That's right, you learn how to propose amendments to bills, where to create a law, and then propagation of the law! One slow step at a time. And you said Legend of Dragoon wasn't awesome! Also: • Taco Heroes • The Moon That Never Sets Is A Shadow Heart? • Courage Is Refusing To Talk About Your Situation • They Always Say Their Own Names In Their Sentences So I Hate Them • Then Some Dumb Shit Happens This Week: Finish the Law City! Next Week: Finish Legend of Dragoon! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Legend of Dragoon Part 7: Daddy's Home Square Roots - Episode 521 Hot Gaming Gossip: There isn't any  Quest Log: 0:10:24 Level Up: 1:37:36 We learn a lot of secrets on this weeks episode! What's Lloyds whole deal? Who is Emperor Diaz anyway? And what's up with Rose? Listen and find out!  Also: • Mega Mega: Explaining Captain N to Jim   • Make Endiness Great Again oh wait Johnny says no  • We didn't expect that guy to get annihilated  • Who cares about Miranda's mom? This Week: Finish Disc 3! Next Week: Finish the Law City  Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Legend of Dragoon Part 6: If You'd Like to Learn More About Soa and the Great Tree, Visit Your Local Library Square Roots - Episode 520 Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:05:20 Quest Log: 0:25:15 Level Up: 1:55:30 On this exposition-heavy episode of Square Roots, we dive into the library of Deningrad and meet a real cool dragon! Also: • The Definition of Dead Is You Flop on the Floor • These People Definitely Have Mould • Every Guy With A Lion Hat Is The Same Guy • My Very Excellent Mother Served Us Nachos • Drenched in Lore • Martial Arts Dad This Week: Retrieve the Dragon Block Staff! Next Week: Finish Disc 3! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Legend of Dragoon Part 5: Rose's Vaginal Vortex Square Roots - Episode 519 Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:07:45 Quest Log: 0:28:50 Level Up: 1:45:00 On this heavy flowing chunker of Sony's Legend of Dragoon, we learn so much about Rose from her Level 3 attack. Every element of it was a surprise. The menstrual blood. The legs spread. How she's like a Vaginal Kirby. Put down a towel, it's a lot.  Also: • Too Many Nopon? • It's A Fantasy World, Bed Bath & Beyond Could Still Exist • The Love Child of Grimace and Slimer • Somehow Emperor Diaz Has Returned • Another Deep Gash! • A Hot Prize This Week: Confronting Lenus Again and then Finishing Disc 2! Next Week: Retrieve the Dragon Staff! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Legend of Dragoon Part 4: Bring A Knife Square Roots - Episode 518 Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:06:40 Quest Log: 0:27:30 Level Up: 2:12:00 On this episode, I wrote a special birthday song for Jim! Should I have sang something in my range? Probably! Meanwhile, Kaffi is the breakout star of Sony's classic JRPG Legend of Dragoon because she loves stars and hot goss. Also: • Fantasy Villain Lloyd • Executive AI Software Brain • If The Alien Sees You, Just Lay Down And Die • Morning Glory: Milking Farm: A Monster Bait Romance • Emille Is A Vanessa Role-Model • Dart's Tryptophobia Bandana This Week: Play through the Moon Dagger Ceremony Next Week: Confronting Lenus Again Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Legend of Dragoon Part 3: The Gayest Death Scene of All Time! Square Roots - Episode 517 Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:05:37 Quest Log: 0:25:00 Level Up: 1:42:04 It's okay for me to write that, as a gay man. There's so much pathos and hand holding and it's all very dramatic. And this is just a chunker of Sony's Legend of Dragoon, a cult classic PlayStation 1 JRPG!  Also: • We Brainstorm Kingdom Hearts 4 • SO MUCH NINTENDO NEWS • Well, He Was Whooped Up • The Griping Room! • Johnny's Nuanced Thoughts On Sportsmates • Chucky's Out Back Hitting His Vape This Week: Get to the End of Disc 1! Next Week: Play through the Moon Dagger Ceremony Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Legend of Dragoon Part 2: Shana, You Should Stay Here Square Roots - Episode 516 Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:04:45 Quest Log: 0:42:00 Level Up: 1:54:15 There's an Extra Packed Hot Gaming Gossip this week because every game company has announced everything! Every game you've ever wanted! But in Legend of Dragoon we get another party member, Rose! And we meet a ghost! Also: • Vanessa Explains Her Floor Banana • Fires Make Dart Horny • "Ugh! I've Got A Deep Gash!" • Sweet Super Sentai Transformations • Is Rose Evil? This Week: Have an ~Encounter~ with the Silver Ghost, Shirley! Next Week: Get to the End of Disc 1! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Legend of Dragoon Part 1: LAVITZ SLAMBERT! Square Roots - Episode 515 Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:02:45 Quest Log: 0:28:50 Level Up: 2:05:00 MATT'S BANISHMENT ENDS! Jim stands the entire time! And we start Sony's Definitely Not Inspired By Final Fantasy VII Legend of Dragoon! It's nice to be back in the comfy cozy PlayStation generation with a real old JRPG we never actually played back in the day. That's right: we're all BABY FRESH EYES! Also: • Legend the of Dragon • We Say Dragooning A Lot • Heal Yourself On The Cuck Chair • Dragoons Are Guys Who Jump Up Real High • Johnny Has No Pants This Week: Get to the town of Bale. Next Week: Have an ~Encounter~ with the Silver Ghost! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com Season 81 Ep 1

Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden Part 6: Ghost Court Square Roots - Episode 514 Hot Gaming Gossip: NOT THIS WEEK! Quest Log: 0:16:34 Level Up: 1:29:30 Sorry for the delay. This episode of Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden is cursed. Everything has gone wrong. But I think you won't be cursed if you listen. Probably. Matt has haunted the podcast. Also: • Matt May Cry • Gay Bear Podcasters Who I Feel Parasocially Bonded To • Keanu's Jim Tattoo • Johnny's Vulnerability Corner • You Can Tell It's The Late 2010s Because Lizzo Is Playing This Week: Finish Banishers: The Ghosts of New Eden Next Week: Get to Bitcht - uh, the town of Bale in Legend of Dragoon. Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden Part 5: I Saw Some Locking, But Not A Lot of Popping Square Roots - Episode 513 Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:04:15 Quest Log: 0:32:58 Level Up: 1:40:50 This time on Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden, we pause before the final confrontation to solve some folks's spooky problems. Also: Also: • I Never Saw Gold Kill A Werewolf • Xcellent Branding of Xbox • Join the Saturn Tier • Girls Are Doinkin' It To Thor • Goody 5000 This Week: Wrap Up All The Ghost Stories! Next Week: Finish Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden Part 4: The Hurricane's Made of Problems Square Roots - Episode 512 Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:09:05 Quest Log: 0:41:10 Level Up: 1:51:50 Even with Matt gone, we somehow went two and a half hours this chunker. Mostly so Vanessa can tell us about her feelings on Alan Wake II. But we're also talking a lot about Banishers! There's some spooky ghost stories, a mine stuffed with a giant Anima from Final Fantasy X, and so much more! Also: • Half Adventure Game, Half Witcher III • A Crop Top Space Suit Is Not A Great Idea • It's Not An Assumption, It's A Hypothesis • Ghosts Don't Count • Fort Bad Performance This Week: Go Up To Fort Jericho And Do The Stuff There Next Week: Wrap Up All The Ghost Stories Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden Part 3: Bubsy Says Kid Power! Square Roots - Episode 511 Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:03:05 Quest Log: 0:26:32 Level Up: 1:20:25 I promise I only make an Umjammer Lammy joke one time in this episode, and I think that's called restraint. But in this chunker of Dontnod's Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden we meet the amazingly named flopper haired boy Lamentation Haskell, and yes, he's a Vanessa boyfriend. Also: • Don't Respect Grogu • I'm Not Into The Benjamin Franklin Type • Hot RFK Junior Burns • Every Game Has To Have An Area That Sucks • A Lady That Looks Like Sonya Blade This Week: Complete Witchfinders, The Inkwell and Grief & Rancor Next Week: Go Up To Fort Jericho And Do The Stuff There Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com