Stellar Firma
by Rusty Quill
“Build your planet, keep in line… also clones." Stellar Firma is a weekly Science Fiction, Comedy podcast following the misadventures of Stellar Firma Ltd.'s highest born but lowest achieving planetary designer Trexel Geistman and his bewildered clone assistant David 7. Join them each episode as they attempt to take listener submissions and craft them into the galaxy's most luxurious, most expensive and most questionably designed bespoke planets. However, with Trexel's corporate shark of a line manager Hartro Piltz breathing down their necks and I.M.O.G.E.N., the station's omnipresent and omniinvasive stationwide A.I. monitoring those necks to within 3 decimal places, they'll be lucky to make it a week before being slurried and recycled into raw human resources. Over 76 Episodes to enjoy in this long form audio drama. For more information on Stellar Firma and our award winning fiction podcasts, visit <a href="www.rustyqui
Episodes
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Announcement: 2024 Holiday Update from Rusty Towers
Holiday announcement from CEO Alexander J Newall wrapping up an exciting 2024 ahead of an exciting 2025! We hope you have an excellent New Year! Transcript Links: Merch masterlist: www.rustyquill.com/support Jon and Martin perfume: https://sucreabeille.com/collections/all/products/jon-and-martin…
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Announcement: 2023 Holiday News from Rusty Towers
This announcement from CEO Alexander J Newall includes RQ Network shows to check out, a review of RQ Originals, including the brand new Neon Inkwell and the now fully released Cry Havoc! Ask Questions Later, as well as a summary of the exciting new merchandise partnerships from this year (in case...
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Special Announcement: Magnus, Recent Network Shows and More
Statement from CEO, Alexander J Newall regarding new network additions, information on The Magnus Archives 2, the return of Rusty Fears, and more! Transcript: https://bit.ly/3DrmqUP For more information on Rusty Fears visit: https://rustyquill.com/2022/10/24/rusty-fears-6-remnants-of-fear/ Music…
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Announcement: RQ Network Introducing Wave 3
Hi everyone, Alexander J Newall here just giving you an update on our latest wave of the RQ Network as eleven new shows have joined us this time with still more shows on the way in the future! This particular cavalcade of creativity runs the whole gamut with Sci-fi, Horror, Fantasy, Mystery,...
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Updates, Upcoming Shows, We're Alive: Descendants
Rusty Quill Founder and CEO Alex here! Sharing a few updates on what is coming up with Rusty Quill. We’re Alive: Descendants is the sequel to the enormously popular We’re Alive: a Story of Survival. Rusty Quill are Executive Producers on this series and it is very exciting. It started releasing...
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Join us for Rusty Quill Gaming and Giving 2021!
It’s back! Gaming and Giving is streaming live on Twitch.tv from 4th December at 5pm GMT and this year we’re raising money for three more charities: Mermaids, Action Aid and Centrepoint. Once again we’re trying to raise £20,000 to split between all three charities, but this time there’s a twist....
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No Love For Spies
No Love For Spies No one understands Hartro and her world... ________ This is #4 of 4 of our Stellar Firma mini-anthology. ________ Content warnings: Alcohol use & alcoholism Kidnapping Bullying & insults Snakes & snake bites Physical violence & injury Discussions of: poisoning & death. Mentions...
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David's Place
David's Place For Board's sake, no one tell David 7 about the fourth wall. _____ This is #3 of 4 of our Stellar Firma mini-anthology. _____ Content warnings: Food Alcohol & alcoholism SFX: whistling, canned laughter & applause, continuous meowing. Thank you to all our Patreons for your continued...
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Announcement: RQ Network Introducing Wave 2
Rusty Quill Founder and CEO Alex here! RQ Network is a podcast network by podcasters for podcasters that launched on May 10th 2021 I now have the pleasure of announcing our second wave of new podcasts. Join us in welcoming: I am In Eskew and The Silt Verses Written and directed by Jon Ware and...
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Vice-Admiral Fun's Happy Fun Time Vice Hour
Vice-Admiral Fun's Happy Fun Time Vice Hour Hi, kids! Is it vice? Is it admiral? Is it fun? Then it's Vice-Admiral Fun's Happy Fun Time Vice Hour! Hooray! _____ This is #2 of 4 of our Stellar Firma mini-anthology. _____ Content warnings: Propaganda & dystopia Dehumanisation & discrimination...
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Time Bots!
Geistman Productions proudly presents: Time Bots! "Sometimes a Time Bot has to play by the rules... without that, we are no better than a bunch of sundials." _____ This is #1 of 4 of our Stellar Firma mini-anthology. _____ Content warnings: Discussions of: policing, death Mentions of: guns…
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Terra Firma: the Stellar Firma prototype episode
Terra Firma: the Stellar Firma prototype episode We found, hidden on an obscure drive somewhere in the south-east of England, this first ever recorded episode of what was to become Stellar Firma. We hope you find it interesting! _____ Content warnings: Alcohol & alcoholism Drugs & substance use...
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Behind The Waveform: The Making of Stellar Firma
Behind the Waveform: The Making of Stellar Firma Rhys Tirado, reporter for the Quarterly Frequency Botherers Digest, has been given unrestricted access to the creative minds behind the phenomenon that is Stellar Firma, and finds out what makes them go "tick tock, tick tock, ring ring, genius…
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The Voyage of the Conglomerate Merger
Stellar Firma's interstellar scout ship, the Conglomerate Merger, is returning from a mysterious mission, but soon the crew is interrupted by an enemy force. Will they manage to survive the onslaught? Will they even manage to leave the room? Listen and find out! Join Maddy in the GM chair today…
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Know Your Show
Know Your Show So they created Stellar Firma, but how well do Tim and Ben really know the show? Better than the show's producer and editor? Better than the show's audience? Let's find out, shall we...? Maddy and Katie ask Ben and Tim fifteen searching questions about the world of Stellar Firma....
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Trexel Geistman's Unarguable History of the Earth, Part 4 - English Civil War
Trexel Geistman's Unarguable History of the Earth, Part 4 - English Civil War Trexel Geistman's Unarguable History of the Earth is your one-stop shop for all the indisputable ins and outs of Earth's forgotten past. Come help us prop up the bar and drink up the education! Today we learn about: The...
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Tim And Ben Do SCIENCE A Third Time! (part 2)
Tim And Ben Do SCIENCE A Third Time! Welcome to this bonus episode of Stellar Firma, where, once again, Bryn Monroe (Hamid on Rusty Quill Gaming) finds out just how much Tim and Ben know about science. This is part two, in which we delve into the notorious episode 62... Content warnings: Innuendo…
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STL Season 3 Outtakes 2
STL Season 3 Outtakes 2 What did we edit out of the second half of season 3? Listen and learn... Content warnings: Innuendo & sexual references Mentions of: death SFX: loud beeps throughout, coughing, shouting & crosstalk Transcript link: https://bit.ly/3jdXRkI Thank you to all our Patrons for…
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David's Fact Corner
David's Fact Corner #1 A look at the number one David 7 audio blog! He's got the facts! Today's Fact: the Universe's Tallest Structure. Researched, written & narrated by David 7. Recorded by I.M.O.G.E.N. Content warnings: Mentions of: mass death Originally released on 27th March 2020, exclusively...
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Stellar Firma Season 3 Q&A
Stellar Firma Season 3 Q&A Tim and Ben answer some of the questions that have been sent in by the fan community. Content warnings: Spoilers for all of Stellar Firma Discussions of: death (inc. mass death), food, smoking Mentions of: guns, drugs & alcohol, canon-typical trauma, COVID-19 pandemic...
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Tim And Ben Do SCIENCE A Third Time! (part 1)
Tim And Ben Do SCIENCE A Third Time! Welcome to this bonus episode of Stellar Firma, where, once again, Bryn Monroe (Hamid on Rusty Quill Gaming) finds out just how much Tim and Ben know about science… This is part one - enjoy! Content warnings: Innuendo Discussions of: graphic death & injury in...
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STL Season 3 Outtakes 1
STL Season 3 Outtakes 1 What did we edit out of the first half of season 3? Listen and learn... Content Warning for: Innuendo Mentions of: fire, guns, food, alcohol & drugs, death SFX: loud beeps throughout Link to transcript: https://bit.ly/3zzarR3 Thank you to all our Patrons for your continued...
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STL 76 - Elections and Endings
Episode 76 - Elections and Endings Wonderful and terrible news! The Shareholders are meeting to elect a new member of The Board for the first time in our glorious history. For your safety and enjoyment, you are reminded to remain in your quarters at all times until notified otherwise. Content...
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STL 75 - Meaningless Infights and Meeting Invites
Episode 75 - Meaningless Infights and Meeting Invites *CAUTION* Stakeholders meeting called. All other activities immediately cancelled. Line Managers, return to your teams for observation and preparation for Stakeholder announcements. Content Warning for: Bullying/taunting Electrocution (inc.…
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STL 74 - Tardigrades and Thin Ice
Episode 74 - Tardigrades and Thin Ice Micro-invertebrate 32-SDJ-6962 is informing on Tardigrades, just in general, as the Tardigrades feel that Stellar Firma’s many construction projects destroy many of their micro-invertebrate farms. Given their incredible ability to survive almost any…
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Announcement: Rusty Quill Network
Alex here with an exciting announcement! RQ network is a podcast network by podcasters for podcasters. We will start by championing the greatest in audio drama podcasting. Beginning with FIVE exciting shows you can listen to right now on rustyquill.com Not to fear we will still be producing…
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STL 73 - Moths and Miraculous Empathy
Episode 73 - Moths and Miraculous Empathy Penelope Dorp has informed us that The Weavers of the Grand Mum Guild, purveyors of the finest of mass produced Knitware have started making hostile plans against Stellar Firma for refusing lucrative Knitware tie-in deals and encouraging people towards...
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STL 72 - Clone Suite and Clandestine Succour
Episode 72 - Clone Suite and Clandestine Succour Gloreetaa, copyright lawyer, has informed us that The Discoballers are menacing any company involved in the production of spheres, as they claim they have copyright. Strategic War Plan: a fifth column of legal bees; quandary camp songs for morale;...
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STL 71 - Bathin and Ballistics
Episode 71 - Bathin and Ballistics Head of Ballistics Akteraks is providing introductory training to the new Senior Consultants for Business Warfare. Yula Nozz has informed us that Pokey & Beam Space Law is looking to organise a class action space suit (different to a spacesuit) against Stellar...
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STL 70 - Self-Assessment and Self-Advancement
Episode 70 - Self-Assessment and Self-Advancement Line Manager Hartro Piltz conducts an entirely impartial self-assessment of the team to ascertain how well they think they have done. The results may shock you - or not - but regardless, all assessments are final once signed off by a line manager....
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STL 69 - Posturing and Proliferation
Episode 69 - Posturing and Proliferation Alisón Prince-Bruleé of the Intergalactic Coalition of Toaster Repair Excellence Acknowledgement Board is receiving a huge number of submissions, due to the ambiguous classification of what is and is not a toaster. They need help either with narrowing the...
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STL 68 - Slides and Sass
Episode 68 - Slides and Sass Count Eugenia Rutalowska of the Count's Corporeal Carpet Cleaning Company needs assistance due to a logistical mishap i.e. instead of carpet cleaner they now have cabernet. Management Consultants’ advice: sass, backchat, no brain socks, mean puppets, nude hands…
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STL 67 - Sagacity and Social Mobility
Episode 67 - Sagacity and Social Mobility Makvala Agryris is a representative of CRISPR, a company that re-animates pets for their owners but have been too successful in developing the cognitive abilities of their customers' creatures. They require advice as to how to keep their customers happy…
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STL 66 - Nets and New Contributors
Episode 66 - Nets and New Contributors Stefan Beetlevox, Head Bartender of The Cosmic Lounge, is concerned about a downturn in sales and would like advice on regaining market share. Management Consultants’ advice: musical mind parasites, targeted smear rapping, knives, branded graph friends...
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STL 65 - Apathy and Antagonisation
Episode 65 - Apathy and Antagonisation Line Manager Hartro Piltz proposes a fundamental change to team structure in response to non-specified performance-related issues during routine inquisitation and bequestionment. Content Warning for: Emotional abuse Bullying/taunting Depression Arguments...
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STL 64 - Magical Chutes and Moral Cahoots
Episode 64 - Magical Chutes and Moral Cahoots The Supreme Blagwith is finding that The Supreme Blagwith’s worshipper-employees are not dying fast enough due to concerns of “not wanting to be dead” and The Supreme Blagwith would like advice on how to make The Supreme Blagwith’s…
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STL 63 - Crushing Tables and Crushing Dreams
Episode 63 - Crushing Tables and Crushing Dreams Antoinette-Marie of The Happy Earth Zoo is having issues with knowing which of her animals are going to maul or eat visitors to the Zoo, or failing that, how not to be held responsible. Management Consultants’ advice: Burn down the zoo…
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STL 62 - Temporal Woes and TimeBot Shows
Episode 62 - Temporal Woes and TimeBot Shows The Time Management division would like help with the many dangerous time pockets that are created in the day-to-day product of planets. This will improve safety, productivity, and much more importantly cut down on staff overtime. Management…
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STL 61 - Viciousness and Vice-Admirals
Episode 61 - Viciousness and Vice Admirals A client who would prefer to maintain their anonymity (known only as Scarlette) is looking for advice on at what point below board transactions spill over into full blown space piracy. Records also indicate that consultants were joined by Vice Admiral…
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STL 60 - Ferns and Further Intel
After an unscheduled visit from Fern Creature, Line Manager Hartro Piltz assesses ongoing consultancy efforts. Line manager also conducts basic interrogation resistance training with variable success. Content Warning for: Emotional abuse Bullying / taunting Shouting Existential crisis Physical...
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STL 59 - Censuses and Couplets
Episode 59 - Censuses and Couplets The Client Corthinos the Perplexed of the Placaters of Planetary Puzzles is requesting assistance due to the increasingly puzzling planets created by Stellar Firma Ltd. making it impossible to placate their deeply confused owners. Management Consultants’ advice:...
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STL 58 - Ecology and External Assistance
Episode 58 - Ecology and External Assistance The client, Goral Throgmar of the Construct-A-Creature corporation, is requesting legal assistance due to mounting complaints against them for creating “monstrosities” that are “killing people”. The bailiffs are on the way to take their eyes.…
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STL 57 - Histrionics and High-Handedness
Episode 57 - Histrionics and High-Handedness The client, Zeith Fel, is looking for ideas for new productions for The Diabolical Flotilla Actors’ Guild to tour in the upcoming season. She has found that audiences are dwindling for their tours across the galaxy (entirely unconnected to the entirely...
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STL 56 - Proselytising and (some) Progress
Episode 56 - Proselytising and (some) Progress The client, the Gademy Academy For Scholarly Hollers, is looking for budget and spending advice (ideally yelled) to help with their financial difficulties. Management Consultants’ advice: Not being a weak-necked fool; aggressively loud fonts;...
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STL 55 - Defiance and Defection
Management Consultancy Review. Line Manager Hartro Piltz to assess initial consultancy efforts, largely from bed for what can only be assumed to be efficiency reasons. Bill for destruction of celebratory sparkling slurry to be applied to Line Manager’s expense account. Content Warning for:...
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Cabaret Night at the Cosmic Lounge: Free Time Man
Free Time Man This one's for all the haters who are out there saying that I’ve got, Well, I‘ve not got much on, but you know I'm alright, I’ve got stuff… I'm fine Up in the morning, find a clean shirt, cuppa hot slurry, out to work Maintenance, that's the game I’m playing, mediocrity that's how…
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Cabaret Night at the Cosmic Lounge: Survive You
Survive You I was once a bright young thing, on my way, straight to the top Then suddenly you fell in my way like a drunken, overprivileged roadblock What did I do to deserve this constant stream of ignominy? All I ever wanted to do was serve the Board, faithfully I get blamed for the mistakes…
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Cabaret Night at the Cosmic Lounge: Not My Fault
Not My Fault It’s not my fault, I wasn’t there at the time You can’t prove that I did that crime Leave me be; oh let me be free No, no, wait come back, don't abandon me Everyone needs someone else to blame (ha ha!) That's just a rule of life, this silly game But if you try to point that finger…
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Cabaret Night at the Cosmic Lounge: IMOWHEN
IMOWHEN Boot up, all systems online, send the overnight fatalities to med bay nine Keep the oxygen flowing, all the time knowing, that the readouts are showing things are far from prime Keep it steady and ride, the catastrophe curve, obey the directive, I live to serve Is it living without...
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Cabaret Night at the Cosmic Lounge: Glad You're Alive
Glad You're Alive (TREXEL) When I first met you, you were a baby I looked at you and I thought maybe Maybe you're the one who’ll stay alive Perhaps you’ll be the one to survive I’ve been hurt before, I know it’s true But perhaps it will be different with you Look at you so weak and stupid And we...
About this show
“Build your planet, keep in line… also clones."
Stellar Firma is a weekly Science Fiction, Comedy podcast following the misadventures of Stellar Firma Ltd.'s highest born but lowest achieving planetary designer Trexel Geistman and his bewildered clone assistant David 7. Join them each episode as they attempt to take listener submissions and craft them into the galaxy's most luxurious, most expensive and most questionably designed bespoke planets.
However, with Trexel's corporate shark of a line manager Hartro Piltz breathing down their necks and I.M.O.G.E.N., the station's omnipresent and omniinvasive stationwide A.I. monitoring those necks to within 3 decimal places, they'll be lucky to make it a week before being slurried and recycled into raw human resources.
Over 76 Episodes to enjoy in this long form audio drama.
For more information on Stellar Firma and our award winning fiction podcasts, visit <a href="www.rustyqui
Hosted by
Rusty Quill
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