Tales From A Cult Insider

As I'm working out guests for the podcast and getting the schedules to line up, I've also been reflecting on this idea of healing through truth-telling. I want more of that healing. I'm greedy. I want to be free. I yearn for freedom from the tendrils and chains of what those cultists did to me - WHILE at the same time, I'm grateful for the hardship that led me to become a deeply happy and blessed person. So I reflect on all that in this episode. Stay with me! And if you're enjoying this, please review or rate and share.

This is the second half of the session with just me and my father. He adds more detail and we have a good opportunity to keep proving the truth that there's always more to the story. Also, he's a great dude and I love him. Thank you as always! Don't forget to rate and share!

My dad stuck around to share more interesting details and more from his perspective about how his life was in the Process, then the Foundation Faith of God. Thank you all for returning to the podcast, and thank everyone who is just finding it! I hope you enjoy this new approach of healing through truth-telling. There's more to come! Please remember to share and rate!

My father continues telling his story. Lots of neat details. We do a lot of good for ourselves and others when we not only listen to there stories but also try to help them tell that story. Often, when we have a story to tell, even a true one that is from our experience, we need help and space to figure out how to tell that story truthfully and in a way that satisfies us. I hope this episode is the beginning of that for my father and might inspire you to do the same.

As I mentioned, my father was a big driver of getting this started back up. This is the episode where he starts telling his story, with my sister and I adding color commentary, questions, and our own memories here and there. He shares stuff I didn't know at all. It's interesting to realize that there really is always more to the story, and there's so much power in telling the truth and knowing what you're saying is being listened to.

We're back! In this episode, I share what has happened over the last couple of years that made it necessary to start a sequel season. New information, new photos, strengthened relationships, renewed friendships, and healing opportunities got me thinking, "What if I went back and shared all of this with those amazing listeners?" So I did. And that includes guests! Here's the intro to tell you what to expect and to also tell you all about what happened when - all of a sudden - I heard from someone I hadn't talked to in 33 years! Please share with friends and family!

Surprise, there's more! Lots has happened since "I'm Out" dropped. I've loved the freedom I've felt from the cult as I feel I've truly moved on and healed, so I'm very grateful. But there's more. Like, more guests with unique insight. And more reconnections. And loads more information. So welcome to season two of this podcast. Actual Season Two. I think I called some episodes a second season, but this is now the official Season Two. Thanks for coming along for the ride. More to come soon!

I needed to record some truly final thoughts while actually on Best Friends property. So I recorded on my phone near a highway and you'll hear cars going by and me being reflective as I take the final step of the journey this podcast has taken me on.  I can't overstate how much it means to me that you have taken this journey with me. I hope you've gained hope and optimism for the future and have gotten a glimpse at the amount of power you have in your life to change and improve and make yourself what you want.  Love, blessings, and peace. Life is short. Love unabashedly. Find beauty.  Your support is also beautiful! Please review, share, spread the word. You can support by sharing or even Venmo at @Jared-Garrett-writes. 

This is the grand finale episode, recorded in Kanab, only seven miles from Best Friends. Poetic by design! And with a live, not exactly studio, audience!  This is a wrap-up episode aimed to provide some closure to myself and all of you wonderful listeners. I think it worked. I share my deepest feelings about all of this and I have hope and optimism and am blessed with all I could ever need.  -- also yes, there's a bit of a bonus 'outro' episode after this... Please review, share, spread the word. You can support by clicking the link or even Venmo at @Jared-Garrett-writes.

This is the final of three long, deep episodes with my wonderful sister, Emma. You can find more of her perspective and also her excellent talents on TikTok at spicyemmapanada.  We make sure we say what needs to be said, not out of malice but because we will tell the story and we are responsible for telling all of it, both for ourselves and for the world to have truth. So join us for the ride. And stay tuned for the final episode in a few short days, recorded in a super cool location!  

My sister Emma joins me for another wide-ranging, mildly cathartic episode in which we dive into the trauma of constant instability and how that looks today. We also talk about how the cult did our parents dirty and really was a wrecking ball of crap.  Start for the silly inside jokes, stay for the sweet chat about The Little Mermaid. Which is obviously more than a chat about a movie with a series of questionable messages. 

The podcast is back. Not epilogues, not bonus episodes. Back with stories and more truth that needs telling. Back with my sister, Emma, for at least the next several episodes.  I'm still not trying to bring down the whole thing that used to be the cult that we grew up in. But I'm not happy about keeping some of the story untold out of a desire to 'be nice' or whatever. So when I heard my sister telling some of what she experienced, stuff I didn't know about, I knew it was time to, well, throw a punch or two.  So here we are. My wonderful sister Emma and I talking about her experience and me being somewhat surprised at some of the significant commonalities between us.  As ever, please review this podcast and share it all over the place. 

Back in January of 2020, before all the crazy, I was contacted by Bob Smietana, who was then the Editor-in-Chief of Religion News Service, a rather impressive and wonderful news outlet that reports on the religious angle of all the newsworthy stuff going down. Bob had found this podcast and was interested in discussing my childhood and experiences and we ended up doing an interview some weeks later. He also talked to my dad and sister. The article ultimately came out on October 14 and you can find it here:  https://religionnews.com/2020/10/14/process-church-final-judgment-best-friends-animal-rescue-foundation-faith-jared-garett-latter-day-saint-cult-scientology-satanist-pet-rescue/ I shared it around and had some fascinating reactions. First off, it sounds like my dad and a few other former members aren't happy with how 'Satanist' the cult sounds. Additionally, there's at least one factual error. More importantly, one of the guys I grew up with got Facebook-angry and I wound up doing an informal poll of others that I grew up with regarding how we grew up.  Turns out we have very different takes on our experience.  I'll address all of these things in this episode, as well as share my own thoughts as I read my own words and experience as filtered through a very good journalist's brain and writing.  As ever, please consider supporting this podcast in any of several ways: clicking on the support link, reviewing, telling your friends, and sharing with your family at your holiday gatherings! And on your snapchat. And Tik Tok. And all the things. 

You can probably imagine that visiting Best Friends now is odd. In this epilogue episode, I share stories to illustrate some of the strange and disconnected feelings I have visiting there. Spoiler: it's odd. But cool and chill.  Remember to review and share this podcast with your chums and bums! 

I learned a lot from watching the documentary that Neil Edwards at TwoFour Entertainment put together. It's a very good documentary with an impressive amount of primary sources, interviews, and footage and audio. Very cool stuff.  I had several visceral reactions to this thing. I considered writing them all down, but didn't want to go to the effort. So I recorded an episode.  This one is me being a little less guarded than usual. Not out of vindictiveness, but truth has to be spoken. Not 'my truth' either - just actual truth.  And keep talking about this thing. Studies show that podcasts gain new listeners primarily and almost solely through word of mouth. Studies also show that cake is a great breakfast. The first statement is true, but the cake one is not.  Enjoy! 

Remember that episode I did on what the cult actually believed?  Well, my knowledge was far more incomplete than it is now. I received a bunch of material from the director of a documentary about the Process. His name is Neil Edwards and the documentary is called Sympathy for the Devil: The True Story of the Process Church of the Final Judgment. He sent me some interesting stuff in the same package as a DVD copy of the documentary that I ordered.  If you're interested, Google that title and you'll see it.  Anyway, I had to do an episode on all the stuff. What they believed. The popular pseudo occult science they preached which was extremely hip at the time and...  Gah. Just listen to me ramble and read if you're interested. I get a bit.. warm and probably hypocritical. Oh well, what're you gonna do? It was a cult, and that's no good.  In the episode, I promise to give you a link to where you can see the images I talk about. I put them on my Facebook page: Jared Nathan Garrett. Please remember to review and support the podcast! 

Did I ever tell you I was a firefighter? Well, I was. My first call was to rescue young bulls from a truck accident. My first fire was a dumpster fire.  No, literally.  Also, I talked a lot about how important books were to me, but I don't think I emphasized the power and importance of music in my formative years. It provided unfettered exhilaration and pretend and I will always be thankful to it. I recently rediscovered an artist and album and it took me to a place I was delighted to revisit.  Anyway, I'm finding parts of myself even today - things that have been and will be a part of me forever. And I'm coming to terms with that.  So tune in and hear me rave and tell more stories. Thanks for listening. As always, I'd love it if you would tell friends about this crazy podcast.  And review and rate it!  Maybe tell three friends, and if those three friends told three friends, and so on and so on - well, that's what an MLM is, my friends. 

This is the first of at least three epilogues. The way I grew up led me to a mission in Brazil and I found a home in the warmth, goodness, and welcome of those people. And I learned and was changed fundamentally. This episode shares some of the more impactful stories from my mission and you will be able to see how this experience provided everything I had wanted my whole life. Sincerity, genuine faith, and things that in my old cynical mind I considered cheesy and dumb.  Now I believe they're those cheesy things- those sincere things, are the treasure of this world and life. That is entirely because of my mission.  Enjoy. 

Spoiler: I have never seen that show. Not even a single episode - and I'm a big fan of Alyson Hannigan. This episode brings the podcast full-circle from where I started: I wanted a family, to where I am now: I have a family. It's longer because there's a lot of juicy details and intermittently mortifying memories. I tell how I met my dear wife and how we got to know each other and got engaged. So buckle up, this is the last episode until I have a few epilogues done in a few months or two.  Also, I speak Portuguese in a couple parts because of you lovely listeners in Brazil. Amo voces!  As always, thank you for listening. Tell your friends. Share on social media. Rate and review! 

This episode starts with me singing, moves on into me reading a very small part of a poem by Walt Whitman, and then just keeps to that epically high standard. I mean, might as well go out with a bang.  But really though, this episode is all about the things that helped me find my identity, my voice, my love, and my passion. Things that helped me see and recognize beauty.  Also, it's about Dead Poets Society, that amazing movie.  So check it out and remember to review, share, and rate! 

So it's not like the story of my life in the cult and then out of the cult is ever really going to end. I am who I am due to my circumstances and my choices and I wouldn't go back for anything. That said, we're winding up this big arc and the podcast is going to come to an end soon - with some epilogues here and there over the next few months or so.  This episode is where I share anecdotes and situations and funny and even important experiences in my immediately post-cult life. In fact, I share the story of my very first actual girlfriend. And frankly, I'll never not be grateful to the people of Kanab, Utah, for being warm, welcoming, and just exactly weird enough for me as I fought to find my feet.  Remember you can support this podcast via: listening, sharing, word of mouth, reviewing, and rating. And everything you do, I appreciate. Reach me at [email protected] or on Twitter @jaredgarrett. #CultInsider

It's the episode you might have been waiting for! I talk about how I finally actually got out of the cult. For a guy whose bread and butter is telling stories, I recognize that this story might be somewhat anti-climactic, but it's not. It's true in all the right ways. I made my choices all the way along and those choices helped me get out of the negative, abusive situation and start healing.  So give it a listen and find out how I found the physical freedom I'd sought for so long - although I'd found emotional freedom sometime before.  As always, tell your friends, family, and enemies. And hug your loved ones. 

Okay friends, we're closing in on the story of my escape. But before that, some things changed for us kids. This episode focuses on all of us kids in the Dallas Branch-- also called the Children's Center. I mention a few things I've talked about in the past and put it all together, doing my best to share what it felt like to be an older teenager in this cult. There was a normalcy, even though it was still bizarre. The conversations I had with new friends were a bit of a taste of what I would experience for the rest of my life when making new friends-- the cult was the focus.  Enjoy the anecdotes and such. Fans of Peter Gabriel will appreciate the final story.  As always, thank you for listening. Don't forget: sharing is caring. 

I share another chapter of my memoir, in which I tell some stories about learning who my real father is, how my biological family sort of evolved, being a ring-bearer at a cult wedding, and more.  I also pose some questions to you, dear listener. I await your response.  Merry Christmas! 

If I were a clickbait headline writer, this episode's title would be: Hypocrisy Made Him This. Click To Be Shocked!  The truth is that the name The Children's Ministry might not mean what you think it means. And in this episode, I finally reveal a deep, dark secret that perhaps two people outside of the Dallas Branch kids know. Or really, those two people might not even remember me telling them.  So you get to find it out.  Also, this episode covers one of the most bizarre disconnects that I experienced growing up. But through that disconnect, I found I had a talent for performing, so that's okay. And I tie balloons very well. And I teach you how to use a helium tank.  Just listen already. And support this podcast and review it and share with your crew. Posse? Tribe? What do the kids say these days? 

Given how sort of all over the place the history of the cult is being told in this podcast, I thought it might be useful to really hone the thing's evolution down into a simple explanation of facts, with my own perspective on some of the popular myths about the cult. For example, was it a Satanist cult? Answer in the podcast (spoiler: no).  Also, even in major trauma or very harsh conditions, the human spirit is strong and will find joy. Luckily, this cult was not good but was nowhere near as bad as millions in this world have it. And there were sometimes some really fun things that we got to do. I talk about those here.  As always, thanks for your support, your reviews, and your word of mouth! 

If you're a long time listener (first time caller :-) ), you know I've written my memoir. I'm revising it now preparatory to sending it to agents. I wanted to share chapter 22 with you, in which I sum up the cult's evolution, and mine as well. It's also a chapter in which I give the cult's founders a much needed message. This chapter was incredibly healing for me to write. I hope you enjoy it.  Remember you can email me, support this podcast, review it, and share it with your crew! 

It's episode 31 and I'm talking all about being robbed. I also share some interesting experiences I had with old cult cronies over the last weekend and I answer a listener's excellent question about holidays.  The being robbed thing was ongoing, really. But this episode is also about the actual thing when our home was burgled. Crazy, right?  As always, thanks for tuning in. Remember to review and share! 

This title will become self-explanatory, but spoiler: this episode will especially please theater geeks. Stage acting and everything associated with it blessed my life and changed it fundamentally. My baby face might have gotten me roles, but my roles helped me find a voice.  I tell the stories of my very first ever part in a play, along with my very first solo act, and sort of getting paid to act professionally for a time. Also, theater helped me meet and marry a great lady. Not kidding.  Enjoy. Thanks for stopping by. May I suggest you review this podcast and talk about it with your pals? 

Being sick in the Foundation Faith of God was not fun. Especially when it was an ongoing anxiety about sleeping. I mean, think about it. Who do you tell when you haven't slept well? Your spouse? Your parent? Your coworker or siblings?  I didn't have any of that. We were all just trying to make it through, man.  So enjoy the stories about ailments in the Foundation. Cringe at your leisure. I'm fine now, so don't worry about it.  And don't forget to review, share, and support this podcast! 

You'd think that a cult would have a single, controlling doctrine that informed every moment and every action in the lives of its adherents, wouldn't you? Something like this world is an illusion, so everything we do is an attempt to break the illusion. Or our existence is a simulation. Or animals are the actual gods.  Or something else.  But the Foundation Faith of God didn't really, in my experience, have a single uniting doctrine. I explore more about this, why it was the case, and more about the evolution of the cult/commune from Scientology offshoot to, ultimately, the very productive and wonderful Best Friends Animal Society.  Remember to review, share with your friends, and support this podcast! 

Part of my growing up in a cult has actually been the growing up I've done outside of the cult. This is a story about good, friendly, generous people helping me find my feet, find my voice a little, and also start finding myself. Because when I got out of that cult, I was in a thick, shy shell. But that wasn't my end form, friends. That was me in embryo, and this story is the story of me breaking free.  At least a little.  So join me at high school dances full of bangs and perms. And remember to review this podcast and tell your friends about it. 

Let's get into some of the intricacies of the day-to-day of cult/commune living. In this episode, I share some of the bizarre, sometimes alienating double standards propagated by the Foundation and its members. Things to do with sex, the terrible outside world, and more. Tune in and remember to leave a review!

I'm usually down with just telling my stories and being as chill as possible. But several things combined to make this episode necessary. And talking about being essentially erased over and over again by the people who 'raised' me was necessary- because voices will be heard. I will be heard. There appears to be a little anger left in the basement, which I'd like to excise, so this episode was even therapeutic.  Please understand, my intent is not to tear down or deliver a scathing indictment or even to write an exposé of the organization the cult has become. I admire their work. But I can admire their work and want it to continue and still speak the truth. We were there. They had us, abandoned us, used us to do hard labor, and neglected and even abused many of us. All that mixed in with plenty of good times.  Truth needs to be spoken. I have committed to not live a life of fear. So I spoke the truth- with no animosity for anyone. 

For the final episode of Season 1, a lengthy story about a major crush I had. Yes, a crush. On a Scottish girl. The years that I carried this torch became incredibly formative for me and I'm grateful for all I learned and all I did to improve myself.  The last little bit of the episode is a reflection on a moment I had tonight with one of my kids and the juxtaposition of that moment with my life growing up. I get a little... energetic about that.  As always, thank you for tuning in. Thank you for sharing. Remember to click on the support link below. And on Instagram and Twitter and other social media, you can use #TalesFromACultInsider and #CultInsider to find a community of listeners. 

It's part two of the short series about my mother. Our relationship, as I tried to describe in the last episode, was odd at best. We ate Chinese food sometimes. We both read horror novels. We spoke sometimes. But when I shared my honest feelings, it made her angry, so I learned to not do that. She had a life full of what was important to her and surprised me by a late-in-life emergence as a businesswoman. Listen and you will soon discover I have mommy issues.  As always, I'd love your support. Rate, review, share. You can share on Twitter and Instagram, and if you use #CultInsider as a hashtag, I'll see it.  See you next week for the next episode! 

Now for two episodes about my mother. There's a lot of me doing my level best to get across the experience/relationship I had with my mother- which wasn't all bad, but was not what most people would understand. So listen and you'll probably get a new appreciation for your own parents ( I really hope so at least) and you will also find out that this world is full of so many variations and relationships. Maybe this will help us all gain more empathy for those we inhabit this world with.  Don't forget to share, review, rate, and support this podcast. Thank you for being a #cultinsider. 

I love water today. I was scared of it when I was younger. Here's where I tell you why and take the opportunity to share some specific stories about how we commune kids spent our days. The YWCA in Dallas features prominently, as does weird, ritualistic baptism.  Remember to review! 

"I'm an equal-opportunity weirdo." Ah, the joys of an unscripted podcast. In this milestone 20th episode, I share lots of details about the school I spent seven years attending. The one created by the cult because of... reasons I can only really speculate about. In many ways, it was awesome. In a few ways, it was meh. It was basically home school, but with less home.  Don't forget to review, tell your friends about, and maybe even support this podcast!

This is a slightly longer episode, as the subject matter merits a bit more time. Plus, I had a question submitted that deserved a good answer. This episode is where I share one of the most important events of my childhood and, frankly, how I screwed it up. It's related to my oldest brother's death and how I really made a mess of my own reaction at the time in a way that actually caused trauma to myself. Yep, I scarred myself. I'm talented like that.  Please remember to review and share! 

Mass hysteria! Okay, it wasn't exactly mass hysteria, but being raised by people whose primary focus and goal in life were to rescue animals meant that I was surrounded by furry critters all the time. It wasn't always great. It wasn't always terrible. Listen to learn who the greatest cat ever was. 

It's a long, long description for an episode about the colorful, sometimes terrible and cruel, and sometimes just bizarre punishments that we received in the cult. I quote Ursula from The Little Mermaid because that's always a good idea.  Remember to review and share! 

The final part of the three-part series on the problem of my temper and the temper of others. I knew my temper was causing problems. I knew I wanted to change that and do better. BE better. Here's the story of how I found healing, strength, and progress in my goal to overcome my temper.  Remember to review and share! 

Last time we talked about my big problem: a temper. However, we talked a lot more about someone else's temper than mine and what happened to me when he lost it. In this episode, we talk about how my temper was terrible and one day I lost it badly - and how that was a turning point for me.  Remember to review and share! It makes all the difference to a small podcast like mine. 

Today we get personal. Actually, today and next week, and possibly the following week. This is a multi-episode story about my temper problem. I'm not just talking about my own temper either. Listen in and remember to tell your friends to check out my podcast. I'd love it if you would support the podcast by clicking on the link! 

So glad you're back for more!  Here I talk about what many of us cult kids talked a lot about: parents. We were raised as if parents were not needed, although that experience varied due to prestige of one's actual parents. Many of us were lied to about at least one parent. Why? Good question. A few anecdotes and some speculation await you in this episode.  Please consider sharing and reviewing. These two things make all the difference for small podcast like mine. 

Hey Cult Insider! Was the cult all bad? No, friends, it was not. I gained a lot from growing up the way I did. Let's talk about bikes, cars, cockroaches, and woodwork.  But mostly cockroaches.  Remember! Please share and review. You can help me turn my podcasting into a speaking career! 

I promise this episode isn't gross. You'll laugh, not cringe. I answer some questions about smells and other cults, then I tell the story of scooping large amounts of dog poop and how that was actually a good thing. You'll have to listen if you want to find out how much dog crap I scooped in my lifetime. Please remember to share and review so more people can hear about dog poo! 

The Process/Foundation/Best Friends bought a giant ranch just north of Kanab, Utah. There was much work to be done and who better to do a large part of it than a bunch of young, sort of fit youths who couldn't say no? Here's where I tell some of those stories, answer some questions, and get a bit emotional.