The Best of You

Have you ever walked into a room and almost automatically started adjusting yourself? Maybe you hold back what you really think. You soften your opinions. You make yourself more agreeable. Not because you’re trying to be dishonest, but because some part of you wants to belong. In this week’s episode, Dr. Alison is joined by behavioral scientist and Columbia University professor Dr. Patricia Hewlin to explore the tension between authenticity and belonging. Dr. Hewlin’s research on what she calls facades of conformity shows that continually suppressing your values and perspectives in order to fit in can lead to emotional exhaustion and disconnection. But the answer isn’t to swing to the other extreme and insist on expressing every part of yourself in every room. We were made for community.  And we were also made to become fully ourselves. The goal isn’t to choose one over the other. It’s learning how to love other people without losing yourself in the process. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why the desire to belong is a healthy human need How to tell the difference between wise compromise and self-abandonment Why staying quiet isn’t always people-pleasing How your core values can guide what you share, when you speak up, and when you flex Why “bringing your whole self” doesn’t mean bringing every part of yourself everywhere How to navigate relationships or workplaces where being fully yourself may come with a real cost What Dr. Hewlin calls the middle self: authenticity with discernment and accountability Why true authenticity is inherently relational Read Staying True to You: Unlock the Power of Your Middle Self and Live With Confidence, Integrity, and Peace of Mind. More Resources: Listeners get exclusive access to the first 3 chapters of Dr. Alison’s newest book, The Secure Soul.  Connect further with @dralisoncook on Instagram 📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here Don't forget to browse this week's sponsors, who make it possible for me to bring you these resources for free + provide you with additional discounts! Quince - How you dress affects your mood and you can trust that Quince has you covered in every day sustainable wardrobe staples. Go to ⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! AirDoctor - Did you know the quality of oxygen you breathe affects your brain which in turn your thoughts? Eliminate 99.9% contaminants in your home with AirDoctor by visiting AirDoctorPro.com and use promo code BESTOFYOU to get UP TO $300 off today! Remi - Start sleeping better with a Remi nightguard and use code BESTOFYOU and get 55% off your purchase. Go to ShopRemi.com/BESTOFYOU and use code BESTOFYOU. *Some of the links above are Amazon affiliate links. If you choose to purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You love the kids you've been called to care for. You’re grateful most of the time. But sometimes your hidden feelings are still, well.... complicated. You may feel frustrated by how much is asked of you, lonely in the load you’re carrying, jealous of other moms who seem to have it easier, or ashamed that motherhood doesn’t always feel the way you thought it would. In this week’s episode, Dr. Alison is joined by longtime friends, ministry leaders, and authors of the new book Moms on the Way, Kathy Tuan-MacLean and Tara Edelschick for an honest conversation about the complicated emotions moms are often afraid to admit out loud. Drawing from their research with more than 700 women, they explore why shame and resentment thrive in isolation—and what can happen when we finally bring those feelings into the light. You’ll learn: *Why motherhood can become fertile ground for comparison and shame *What resentment is really telling you *How to discern between something that is simply hard and something that genuinely needs to change *How hidden shame and resentment can isolate you from yourself, others, and God *What to do when these hidden emotions creep in More Resources: Connect with Kathy and Tara here. Get Moms on the Way: Following Jesus Through the Challenges of Motherhood here. 📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here Don't forget to browse this week's sponsors, who make it possible for me to bring you these resources for free + provide you with additional discounts! Quince - How you dress affects your mood and you can trust that Quince has you covered in every day sustainable wardrobe staples. Go to ⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! Aqua Tru - Join 98% of customers who have made their drinking water cleaner, safer, & healthier by visiting AquaTru.com and use promo code BESTOFYOU to get 20% off today! *Some of the links above are Amazon affiliate links. If you choose to purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today’s Scripture: James 3:13–18 How do you know whether the voice guiding you is actually wisdom—or fear dressed up as certainty, responsibility, or discernment? James gives us a very different way to recognize wisdom: not by confidence, volume, or influence, but by the kind of fruit it produces. You’ll learn: *Why certainty and confidence can sometimes masquerade as wisdom*How fear can hide underneath control, harshness, or over-responsibility*The qualities James says actually reveal genuine wisdom*Why quiet faithfulness may be more powerful than visible influence*One way to discern the fruit your choices and relationships are producing Go Deeper: The Best of You Every Day is taking a short break after this week while the Thursday deep-dive episodes continue. Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if some of the qualities you’ve learned to call “strength” are clues to a wound underneath? You may be responsible, independent, productive, and good at taking care of everyone else. But when those patterns become extreme, they can sometimes point to wounds you’ve learned to carry alone. In this week’s episode, Dr. Alison is joined by therapist and author Sheila Wise Rowe for a conversation about the less obvious ways trauma can shape our lives. Together, they explore how people-pleasing, perfectionism, self-sufficiency, minimizing pain, and avoiding conflict can become protective responses—and why healing begins by getting curious about what those patterns are trying to tell us. You’ll learn: *How trauma can show up in ways we may not immediately recognize *Why people-pleasing, perfectionism, and self-sufficiency can become protective patterns *How family and community wounds can shape us across generations *Why minimizing your pain can keep you disconnected from what needs care *The role of lament in bringing your real emotions before God *Why healing rarely happens alone *How small steps, safe people, and God’s presence can help create lasting change Healing doesn’t require you to minimize what happened or convince yourself that someone else had it worse. It begins with noticing what is true, allowing God into the places that hurt, and taking one small step toward connection. More Resources: With every purchase of Dr. Alison’s newest book, The Secure Soul, you’ll get exclusive access to her Soul Tending Video Library, including  “Boundaries for the Deeply Feeling Woman” and her masterclass “Healing the Wounds That Still Shape You.” Connect further with @dralisoncook on Instagram 📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here Don't forget to browse this week's sponsors, who make it possible for me to bring you these resources for free + provide you with additional discounts! Quince - How you dress affects your mood and you can trust that Quince has you covered in every day sustainable wardrobe staples. Go to ⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! Aqua Tru - Join 98% of customers who have made their drinking water cleaner, safer, & healthier by visiting AquaTru.com and use promo code BESTOFYOU to get 20% off today! *Some of the links above are Amazon affiliate links. If you choose to purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today’s Scripture: Deuteronomy 30:11–14 What if the next faithful step isn’t as far away as it feels? When fear and uncertainty take over, we can turn discernment into an exhausting search for perfect clarity. But Scripture offers a more grounded way forward: God’s wisdom is often nearer than we think. You’ll learn: *Why anxiety can make a simple decision feel impossible*How the search for certainty can keep you stuck*Why discomfort doesn’t always mean you’re on the wrong path*How to recognize the wisdom God has already placed within reach*What it looks like to take one faithful step without having the whole map Go Deeper: Pick up The Secure Soul and its companion guide for a deeper journey into the patterns, stories, and practices that shape a more secure life with God. Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Matthew 5:23-24 (Listener Request)What happens when you genuinely try to make things right—and the other person refuses to participate? Jesus takes reconciliation seriously, but that doesn’t mean you can force another person to acknowledge harm, tell the truth, or repair what has been broken. You’ll learn: *What Jesus’ command to “go and be reconciled” actually asks of you*The crucial difference between making a repair attempt and achieving mutual repair*Why reconciliation cannot be created by one person alone*How the pressure to “make peace” can sometimes protect denial or dysfunction*When faithfulness may mean grieving, setting a boundary, and stopping your pursuit of repair Go Deeper: Episode 216: Forgiveness Without Self-Abandonment: How to Forgive Without Ignoring the Harm with Amy Orr-EwingEpisode 217: What to Do When You’re the Only One Trying: Leslie Vernick on Emotionally Destructive Relationships Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today’s Scripture: Proverbs 25:11–15 What do you do when you need to say something hard—but you don’t want to become harsh in the process? Proverbs gives us a surprising picture of strength: words that are clear and truthful, yet governed by patience, wisdom, and love. You’ll learn: *Why speaking gently doesn’t mean avoiding hard conversations*How to tell the difference between assertiveness, aggression, and silence*Why overexplaining can become an attempt to control someone’s response*What trustworthy words sound like when something difficult needs to be said*One question to help you speak with less force without sacrificing truth Go Deeper: After this week, The Best of You Every Day will take a short break for rest and reset, while the Thursday deep-dive episodes continue. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: 1 Peter 4:8–11 (Listener Request) What does Scripture really mean when it says that “love covers over a multitude of sins”? Deep love protects dignity and makes room for mercy—but it also tells the truth, creates boundaries, and seeks genuine repair. You'll learn: *The crucial difference between covering and covering up *Why biblical love never requires you to hide ongoing harm *How fear of conflict can disguise itself as “keeping the peace” *Why forgiveness and repair are not the same thing *How to hold truth, boundaries, dignity, and mercy together Go Deeper: Share this episode with someone who might need to hear it. Today is the last day to get all the preorder bonus items when you order your copy of The Secure Soul Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if being secure doesn’t mean you never second-guess yourself? If you replay conversations, second-guess yourself, worry about how you came across, or compare yourself to other people, you may assume security is something other people naturally have—and you somehow missed. But real security isn’t the absence of insecurity. It’s knowing where to return when insecurity shows up. In this deeply personal episode, Dr. Alison shares her own lifelong struggle with insecurity, self-doubt, and the fear of not being enough—and why writing The Secure Soul changed the way she understands security altogether. You’ll learn: *Why insecurity can linger even as you become stronger and healthier *The hidden reason self-doubt can feel so convincing *How old experiences can shape the stories you still tell about yourself *How to become a safe person for your own soul *A simple practice for recognizing God’s presence in the places where you still feel afraid, ashamed, or unsure A secure soul isn’t one that never feels insecure. It’s one that has somewhere to return to when the insecurity comes. More Resources: With every purchase of Dr. Alison’s newest book, The Secure Soul, you’ll get exclusive access to her Soul Tending Video Library, including  “Boundaries for the Deeply Feeling Woman” and her masterclass “Healing the Wounds That Still Shape You” and over $350 worth of bonuses. Connect further with @dralisoncook on Instagram 📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here Don't forget to browse this week's sponsors, who make it possible for me to bring you these resources for free + provide you with additional discounts! Quince - How you dress affects your mood and you can trust that Quince has you covered in every day sustainable wardrobe staples. Go to ⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! AirDoctor - Did you know the quality of oxygen you breathe affects your brain which in turn your thoughts? Eliminate 99.9% contaminants in your home with AirDoctor by visiting AirDoctorPro.com and use promo code BESTOFYOU to get UP TO $300 off today! *Some of the links above are Amazon affiliate links. If you choose to purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Jeremiah 29:4–7 What do you do when your life looks nothing like the one you imagined? Today's scripture is a surprising invitation to stop postponing your life until everything changes, without pretending that what happened was good or that your grief doesn’t matter. You'll learn: *Why acceptance is different from approval or giving up *How fighting reality can keep your nervous system perpetually braced *The difference between resistance, giving up, and grounded agency *Why investing in the present doesn’t mean abandoning hope for the future *How to identify one “garden” you can begin tending right where you are Go Deeper: Read The Secure Soul to learn how to stay rooted in God’s love when life feels uncertain, painful, or different from what you hoped. Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Mark 2:1–12 Sometimes you can pray, hope, and keep moving forward. And sometimes you simply can’t carry it all by yourself. Today's Scripture is powerful picture of what healing can look like in community—and a reminder that needing someone else to hold hope with you is not a failure of faith. You'll learn: *The loneliness of self-sufficiency *What the friends in Mark 2 teach us about shared faith *Why healing is often an interdependent rather than solitary process *How to distinguish sacred support from unsafe vulnerability *What it means to let someone carry a corner of your mat without asking them to fix you Go Deeper: Share this episode with a friend, and check The Secure Soul and the Companion Guide—out today! Order here and get the full Soul Tending Video Resource library Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Proverbs 18:10 When fear rises, where do you run? We often reach instinctively for overthinking, control, numbing, busyness, or escape. But Scripture gives us another image. Today, we’ll explore what it means to run to the name of the Lord—not as a spiritual formula or magic phrase, but as a return to the character and presence of a God who is strong enough to hold what scares us. You'll learn: *Why fear often sends us toward overthinking, control, or escape *What Scripture actually means by “the name of the Lord” *Why saying “in Jesus’ name” isn’t an incantation *How God can become a secure base when safety has felt complicated *How to recognize your old shelters and return to refuge instead of shame Go Deeper: For more on returning to God as a source of safety, check out The Secure Soul⁠—it will be in your hands tomorrow, and you'll still get all the bonus items when you order this week. Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Hebrews 2:14–18 Sometimes fear doesn’t feel like fear. It looks like staying ahead, planning for every possibility, holding people tightly, or never quite letting yourself rest. Hebrews 2 names a deeper fear beneath much of our striving: the fear of loss and death. Today, we’ll explore how that fear quietly shapes our lives—and why Jesus frees us to loosen our grip and live more fully. *How fear of loss can disguise itself as responsibility or control *Why avoiding what we fear can actually give it more power *The “smaller deaths” we brace against in everyday life *What Jesus’ death and resurrection mean for the things we fear losing *How to loosen your grip without pretending you’re not afraid Go Deeper: For more on your Inner Controller check out The Secure Soul Episode 41: Boundaries with Fear and Anxiety Episode 167: Can I Pray My Anxiety Away? Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if the way you pray has more to do with your attachment patterns than you realize? In this episode, Dr. Alison shares how her own prayer life changed as she became more securely attached—and the surprising shift that she didn’t understand at first. We’ll look at what attachment theory can teach us about the way we experience closeness, why deeply feeling or anxiously attached parts of us may equate intensity with love, and how healing can lead to a steadier, more integrated way of relating—with other people and with God. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why intensity can feel like closeness—even when it isn’t security What attachment research reveals about why some relationships feel so consuming The subtle shifts that happen as your attachment system begins to heal What securely attached people do differently in close relationships A simple practice for building greater trust from the inside out More Resources: With every purchase of Dr. Alison’s newest book, The Secure Soul, you’ll get exclusive access to her Soul Tending Video Library, including  “Boundaries for the Deeply Feeling Woman” and her masterclass “Healing the Wounds That Still Shape You.” Connect further with @dralisoncook on Instagram 📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here Don't forget to browse this week's sponsors, who make it possible for me to bring you these resources for free + provide you with additional discounts! Quince - How you dress affects your mood and you can trust that Quince has you covered in every day sustainable wardrobe staples. Go to ⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! AirDoctor - Did you know the quality of oxygen you breathe affects your brain which in turn your thoughts? Eliminate 99.9% contaminants in your home with AirDoctor by visiting AirDoctorPro.com and use promo code BESTOFYOU to get UP TO $300 off today! Remi - Start sleeping better with a Remi nightguard and use code BESTOFYOU and get 50% off your purchase. Go to ShopRemi.com/BESTOFYOU and use code BESTOFYOU. MOSH - Start building brain health into your every day with MOSH bars. Head to moshlife.com/BESTOFYOU25 and subscribe today to get 25% OFF your first Variety Pack and 20% off your monthly subscription with code BESTOFYOU25. That’s 25% off your first pack and 20% off your subscription of brain-boosting bars delivered straight to your door. *Some of the links above are Amazon affiliate links. If you choose to purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Isaiah 42:1–4 Sometimes you’re not falling apart—you’re simply bruised. You’re still functioning and showing up, but certain places inside feel tender, weary, or easily overwhelmed. Today, we’ll explore what it means to receive God’s gentleness in the places where you’re hurting. *Why being tender doesn’t mean you’re weak*How hurt can cause us to guard or criticize vulnerable parts of ourselves*What the bruised reed reveals about the character of Jesus*Why God’s strength and gentleness belong together*One way to treat your own soul with greater tenderness today Go Deeper: If you’re learning how to meet yourself with more compassion, explore the Soul Tending video library at TheSecureSoulBook.com. Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Matthew 9:9-13 Shame tells you to hide the parts of yourself that feel messy, reactive, needy, or disappointing. But Jesus does the opposite of what we often expect: He moves toward Matthew before Matthew has cleaned up his life. Today, we’ll look at what this story reveals about the heart of God and why the places you most want to hide may be the very places where mercy wants to meet you. *Why Jesus didn’t wait for Matthew to become respectable *How shame teaches us to hide the parts of ourselves that need care *Why God’s holiness moves toward human need rather than away from it *The difference between mercy and spiritually proving yourself *How to let Jesus meet you in a place you don’t feel proud of Go Deeper: Check out our Soul Tending Video Resource library all about tending the wounds within—it's free when you preorder The Secure Soul Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Psalm 30:1–5 Sometimes the hardest part of a painful season isn’t simply surviving it—it’s discovering that joy still feels far away even after the worst has passed. In Psalm 30, David makes room for both realities: the night is real, and it doesn’t get the final word. Today, we’ll explore why joy can feel risky after grief or disappointment and how to begin receiving goodness again without denying what still hurts. You'll learn: *Why Psalm 30 doesn’t minimize grief or rush you toward happiness *Why prolonged hardship can make joy harder to receive *How joy and grief can exist together *Why some parts of you may feel safer expecting disappointment *A gentle practice for noticing one small sign of “morning” today Go Deeper: Share this episode with someone who needs to hear that sorrow is real, but it isn’t the end of the story. Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: 1 Corinthians 12:14–26 What do you do when you feel like you don’t belong — or when you’ve learned to protect yourself by pretending you don’t need anyone? Today’s Scripture gives us Paul’s picture of the body, where every part matters and no part can say, “I don’t belong” or “I don’t need you.” This episode helps you recognize the strategies you use around belonging, stop measuring your worth by comparison, and practice showing up in the body as someone who is already needed and loved. You’ll learn: *Why feeling like you don’t belong does not make it true *How exclusion can register in the body like real pain *Why some of us try to earn belonging while others avoid it *How community helps regulate what we were never meant to carry alone *One small way to let someone else show up for you today Go Deeper: Pick up The Secure Soul and the Companion Guide to go deeper into repairing old attachment wounds and returning to love. Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What happens when the faith that once held you no longer feels like it can carry the questions you’re asking now? You may still love God. You don’t want to leave your faith behind. But the beliefs, practices, or ways of relating to God that once sustained you begin to feel too small for the life you’re living. In this week’s conversation, Dr. Alison is joined by bestselling author, psychotherapist, and spiritual director Ian Morgan Cron to explore the tender space between silencing your questions and burning everything down. Through Ian’s brand-new novel Chasing Francis, they discuss how a crisis of faith can become an invitation to spiritual growth, deeper intimacy with God, and a faith that is more fully your own. Why a crisis of faith can become an opportunity for deeper spiritual growth The difference between healthy questioning and becoming trapped in cynicism What spiritual individuation looks like and why it matters Why the faith that sustained an earlier version of you may need room to grow How to return to the foundation that God is love and you are loved Why resisting a difficult spiritual season can create even more suffering How beauty, imagination, story, and nature can restore perspective What St. Francis can teach us about simplicity, compassion, and an embodied faith Your questions do not necessarily mean that you are losing your faith. They may be an invitation to examine what you inherited, hold on to what is true, and allow God to build something deeper. As Ian reminds us, sometimes the work is not forcing yourself back into a previous expression of faith. It is asking: What is the invitation here? You can now preorder Dr. Alison’s newest book, The Secure Soul, and immediately receive the first 3 chapters as well as early access to the companion guide! Connect further with @dralisoncook on Instagram Curious what Family Role may have shaped you? Take the Family Role Quiz to learn how you may be showing up in your relationships with others. 📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here Don't forget to browse this week's sponsors, who make it possible for me to bring you these resources for free + provide you with additional discounts! Quince - How you dress affects your mood and you can trust that Quince has you covered in every day sustainable wardrobe staples. Go to ⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! Aqua Tru - Join 98% of customers who have made their drinking water cleaner, safer, & healthier by visiting AquaTru.com and use promo code BESTOFYOU to get 20% off today! *Some of the links above are Amazon affiliate links. If you choose to purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ You’ll explore:More Resources: Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: 2 Samuel 9:1–8What do you do when shame tells you that you are too damaged, too much, or too far behind to belong? Today’s Scripture tells the story of a wounded man who is hiding, and King David’s kindness that brings him back to the table. This episode helps you recognize the hiding place inside your soul, receive kindness without self-evisceration, and begin to trust that belonging can meet you wounds and all. You’ll learn:*Why shame drives us into hiding and withdrawal*How belonging can feel threatening when your history with power has been painful*Why kindness often has to be received repeatedly over time*How wounded younger parts of us learn to stay hidden*What it means to believe the seat at the table is actually yours Go Deeper: Listen to the daily episode on Mark 5: When Your Pain Becomes Your Identity: How Jesus Gives You a New Name Episode 160: When You Feel Unwanted—Meeting the Parts of You That Long to Belong with IFS Therapist Tammy Sollenberger Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Luke 11:9–13 What do you do when you believe God is good, but your body still braces when it’s time to ask him for help? Today’s Scripture speaks to the history beneath our prayers — the early experiences that taught us whether asking was safe, ignored, punished, or met with care. This episode helps you notice the inner flinch, honor the part of you that stopped asking, and begin rebuilding trust with God one small request at a time. You’ll learn: *Why asking God for help can feel risky *How early attachment wounds shape what you expect from God *Why what you believe and what you feel can be different systems *How to notice the inner flinch without shaming it *One small way to practice asking God for something real Go Deeper: Pre-order The Secure Soul to learn how your earliest attachments shape what you expect from God — and how to begin repairing those patterns. Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Psalm 107:4–9 What do you do when your soul feels empty, disoriented, or far from anything that feels like home? Today’s Scripture gives language for the part of us that is hungry, thirsty, wandering, and running on empty. This episode helps you stop shaming your depletion, recognize hunger as a signal, and cry out to the God who meets us with direction, belonging, and good things. You’ll learn: *Why emptiness and disorientation are not failures *How Scripture names the soul’s hunger without shame *Why depletion can make life feel flat or colorless *How crying out can become an attachment move *One honest need you can bring to God and someone safe Go Deeper: Listen to the daily episode on Psalm 37, and pre-order The Secure Soul to learn how to repair inner attachment wounds with God. Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: 2 Peter 1:3–8 What do you do when even spiritual growth starts to feel like another standard you’re failing to meet? Today’s Scripture reminds us that growth begins not with deficiency, but with what God has already given. This episode helps you notice when healing turns into hustle, receive growth as participation with grace, and remember that the goal is not flawless self-mastery, but love. You’ll learn: *Why spiritual growth can become another form of pressure *How to tell the difference between effort rooted in fear and effort rooted in love *Why growth happens in“increasing measure” *How healing can become hustle when it’s driven by proving yourself *One way to notice the fruit already growing in you Go Deeper: This weekend, pause and name one area where you can already see the fruit of growth. Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Rejection has a way of feeling bigger than the moment itself. A missed invitation. An unanswered text. A friendship that seems to be slipping away. An opportunity that goes to someone else. Even when we can understand why it happened, something inside us can begin telling a much older story: I'm not enough. I don't belong. This always happens to me. In this deeply personal solo episode, Dr. Alison shares a recent experience with rejection and explores why present-day disappointments often awaken wounds from the past. Drawing from Psalm 27, attachment psychology, and the healing practice she calls Recognize and Return, she offers a compassionate framework for tending the sting of rejection without letting it define your worth. You'll learn: Why rejection often activates emotional memories far older than the present moment How to recognize when today's hurt has become an old inner narrative Why logic alone can't heal wounded places inside us How self-compassion helps right-size present disappointments The difference between extending grace to others and abandoning yourself A practical practice for moving through rejection with God's loving presence Rejection may still hurt. But it doesn't have to become the story you tell about yourself. Healing begins when today's pain is allowed to be today's pain—instead of carrying every hurt you've ever known. More Resources: You can now preorder Dr. Alison’s newest book, The Secure Soul, and immediately receive the first 3 chapters as well as early access to the companion guide! Connect further with @dralisoncook on Instagram Curious what Family Role may have shaped you? Take the Family Role Quiz to learn how you may be showing up in your relationships with others. Want to hear more like this? Start here: Episode 201: “This Must Be My Fault”—Why We Take Rejection So Personally 📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here Don't forget to browse this week's sponsors, who make it possible for me to bring you these resources for free + provide you with additional discounts! Quince - How you dress affects your mood and you can trust that Quince has you covered in every day sustainable wardrobe staples. Go to ⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! AirDoctor - Did you know the quality of oxygen you breathe affects your brain which in turn your thoughts? Eliminate 99.9% contaminants in your home with AirDoctor by visiting AirDoctorPro.com and use promo code BESTOFYOU to get UP TO $300 off today! *Some of the links above are Amazon affiliate links. If you choose to purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Nehemiah 2:11–18 What do you do when something in your life has been broken for a long time, but rebuilding feels overwhelming? Today’s Scripture shows us that restoration often begins by honestly looking at the damage, listening for what God is stirring, and taking one faithful next step. This episode helps you name what has been left unprotected, discern what is yours to rebuild, and begin the good work one brick at a time. You’ll learn: *Why rebuilding begins with honest assessment *How to look at damage without becoming defined by it *Why some early hopes need to be protected before they are shared *How healthy boundaries create safety for love *One small “brick” you can put in place today Go Deeper: Share this episode with someone you trust to walk with you in the work of rebuilding. Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Mark 10:13–16 What do you do when being tender, dependent, or open feels risky? Today’s Scripture shows Jesus welcoming the children others tried to push aside — and inviting us to receive the kingdom like a child. This episode helps you reconnect with the tender, curious, receptive part of you without abandoning wisdom, discernment, or strength. You’ll learn: *Why childlike faith is not the same as being childish *How early experiences can teach us to hide tenderness or need *Why strength does not have to mean needing nothing *How Jesus welcomes the childlike part of you *What it means to receive love without earning it Go Deeper: Take the Family Roles Quiz at dralisoncook.com/quiz to better understand the role you learned to play early in life. Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Psalm 73:21–28 What do you do when pain, bitterness, fear, or loneliness makes it hard to sense that God is near? Today’s Scripture gives language for the honest ache of feeling disconnected from God while still being held by him. This episode helps you practice recognizing what is happening inside of you and returning to the love that has never left. You’ll learn: *Why feeling far from God is normal *How to recognize what is happening inside without shame *Why “yet I am always with you” is a practice of return *How pain can magnify certain feelings *One small way to return to God when your heart feels weak Go Deeper: Join my live roundtable with Jenna Riemersma and Tammy Sollenberger on July 29 when you pre-order The Secure Soul ⁠ Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Titus 3:3–7What happens when even your faith begins to feel like another place where you have to prove yourself? Today’s Scripture reminds us that God saves and renews us not because of how well we perform, but because of His kindness, love, and mercy. This episode will help you recognize when good qualities such as responsibility, faithfulness, and helpfulness are being driven by a fear that you must earn love. You’ll learn:*How striving for approval can turn into chronic overfunctioning*Why shame often disguises itself as spiritual maturity*The difference between God’s conviction and self-condemnation*How your early experiences of love may shape the way you imagine God*How to recognize the urge to prove yourself and return to mercy Go Deeper:Take the Family Roles Quiz to discover how the role you learned early in life may still shape your ability to receive love—from others, from yourself, and from God. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if the greatest risk isn't failing? What if it's losing yourself while trying to succeed? In this episode, Dr. Alison sits down with Survivor 50 winner Aubry Bracco for a conversation about resilience, identity, and what it means to stay grounded in yourself through both success and disappointment. Aubry shares the deeply personal journey behind her years on Survivor—from experiencing a panic attack on national television and falling just short of winning, to stepping away from the game entirely after realizing she'd become disconnected from herself. Years later, she returned with a different mindset—not to prove herself, but to trust herself. That shift changed everything. Whether you're facing a setback, navigating a major life transition, or learning to quiet the pressure to achieve, this conversation is a reminder that true confidence isn't found in controlling the outcome—it's found in staying connected to who you are. You'll learn: Why resilience is built by staying present, not chasing perfection How setbacks can become invitations to deeper healing The difference between adapting and abandoning yourself Why taking risks doesn't require certainty—it requires trust How to distinguish your own inner wisdom from others' expectations What it looks like to pursue success without losing your sense of self Sometimes the bravest thing you can do isn't guaranteeing the outcome. It's trusting yourself enough to take the next step anyway. More Resources: You can now preorder Dr. Alison’s newest book, The Secure Soul, and immediately receive the first 3 chapters as well as early access to the companion guide! Connect further with @dralisoncook on Instagram Curious what Family Role may have shaped you? Take the Family Role Quiz to learn how you may be showing up in your relationships with others. 📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here Don't forget to browse this week's sponsors, who make it possible for me to bring you these resources for free + provide you with additional discounts! Quince - How you dress affects your mood and you can trust that Quince has you covered in every day sustainable wardrobe staples. Go to ⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! Aqua Tru - Join 98% of customers who have made their drinking water cleaner, safer, & healthier by visiting AquaTru.com and use promo code BESTOFYOU to get 20% off today! *Some of the links above are Amazon affiliate links. If you choose to purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: 1 Samuel 1:10–18 What do you do when someone misreads your pain and assumes the worst about you? Today’s Scripture introduces us to Hannah, whose anguish is mistaken for wrongdoing even as she is pouring out her soul to God. Her story reminds us that other people may misunderstand your tears, your reactions, or the years behind your pain—but God does not. This episode will help you bring the parts of your story that feel tangled, wordless, or repeatedly misread into the presence of the God who sees clearly. You’ll learn:*Why being misunderstood can make pain feel even more isolating*What Hannah’s wordless prayer teaches us about honest connection with God*Why your pain does not have to be perfectly explained to be seen*How to advocate for yourself when someone gets your story wrong*One way to release pain you have been holding insideGo Deeper: Read The Secure Soul to learn how to bring every part of yourself—including the parts that feel wordless or misunderstood—into the compassionate presence of God. Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: John 11:17–27, 32–36 What do you do when grief leaves you wondering where God was—and why He didn’t intervene? Today’s Scripture shows us a Jesus who does not rush past sorrow, shame us for our questions, or demand that hope replace our tears. He enters the place of pain and weeps with us. This episode will help you honor your grief without mistaking it for a failure of faith. You’ll learn:*Why Jesus wept even though He knew resurrection was coming*How spiritualizing grief too quickly can leave you feeling more alone*Why disappointment with God does not disqualify you from closeness with Him*What it means to let Jesus witness the place of your deepest pain*Why Christian hope makes room for both resurrection and lament Go Deeper:Episode 133: Navigating the 6 Stages of Grief with Renowned Grief Expert David KesslerEpisode 98: Why Your Grief Matters & How to Support Those Who Are Grieving with J.S. Park Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Psalm 145:8–18What do you do when loneliness starts to make you question God’s nearness? Today’s Scripture reminds us that God does not ask us to come with polished words, tidy emotions, or perfect faith. God draws near when we call on him in truth. This episode will help you bring your actual self into God’s presence, including the parts of you that feel angry, unseen, disappointed, or far away. You’ll learn:*Why loneliness can begin to distort how you see God*What it means to call on God “in truth”*Why honesty with God creates connection instead of distance*How spiritual performance can leave hurting parts of you alone*One simple way to reach for God when you cannot feel His nearness Go Deeper:Read The Secure Soul to learn how to recognize the parts of you that feel far from God and return to His loving presence. Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: 1 John 3:18–20 What do you do when the harshest voice in your life is the one inside you? Today’s Scripture helps us distinguish between true conviction, which leads to repair and life, and self-condemnation, which crushes us with shame. This episode helps you recognize the inner critic, notice when self-criticism starts to sound spiritual, and rest your heart in the presence of the God who is greater than your heart. You’ll learn:*The difference between conviction and condemnation*Why sensitive, conscientious people often mistake shame for maturity*How the inner critic tries to protect you through harshness*Why God’s full knowledge of you is comfort, not threat*One way to respond when your inner critic gets loud Go Deeper: Episode 140: How to Stop Blaming Yourself for Things That Aren’t Your FaultRead I Shouldn’t Feel This Way for help distinguishing true guilt from false guilt. Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Every marriage goes through difficult seasons. But what happens when you're the only one willing to do the work? When every conversation ends in blame, defensiveness, or silence? When you're trying to repair the relationship, but your partner refuses to take responsibility? In this week's episode, Dr. Alison sits down with licensed clinical social worker and relationship expert Leslie Vernick to explore the difference between a marriage that's simply hard and one that's become emotionally destructive. Together, they unpack the patterns that quietly erode trust, why healthy relationships require repair, and how to begin reclaiming your own stability—even if your spouse never changes. You'll learn: The difference between a difficult marriage and an emotionally destructive one Why repair—not perfection—is the mark of a healthy relationship The warning signs of blame, gaslighting, and chronic deflection How to stop centering your life around changing another person Why becoming a God-centered person changes the way you navigate unhealthy relationships Practical first steps you can take when you're the only one pursuing growth Whether you're navigating a difficult marriage yourself or supporting someone who is, this conversation offers wisdom, compassion, and hope. Because healing doesn't always begin when someone else changes. Sometimes it begins when you discover what it looks like to stand on your own two feet while remaining deeply rooted in God. Take Leslie’s free quiz “Are you in an emotionally destructive marriage?” Make sure to read Leslie’s book “The Emotionally Destructive Relationship: Seeing it, Stopping It, Surviving It” More Resources: You can now preorder Dr. Alison’s newest book, The Secure Soul, and immediately receive the first 3 chapters as well as early access to the companion guide! Connect further with @dralisoncook on Instagram Curious what Family Role may have shaped you? Take the Family Role Quiz to learn how you may be showing up in your relationships with others. Want to hear more like this? Start here: Episode 203: Staying Close When Connection Feels Hard—The Relationship Skills No One Taught You (with Relationship Expert Dr. James Cordova) 📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here Don't forget to browse this week's sponsors, who make it possible for me to bring you these resources for free + provide you with additional discounts! Quince - How you dress affects your mood and you can trust that Quince has you covered in every day sustainable wardrobe staples. Go to ⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! Remi - Start sleeping better with a Remi nightguard and use code BESTOFYOU and get 50% off your purchase. Go to ShopRemi.com/BESTOFYOU and use code BESTOFYOU. AirDoctor - Did you know the quality of oxygen you breathe affects your brain which in turn your thoughts? Eliminate 99.9% contaminants in your home with AirDoctor by visiting AirDoctorPro.com and use promo code BESTOFYOU to get UP TO $300 off today! *Some of the links above are Amazon affiliate links. If you choose to purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Judges 6:11–16What do you do when God calls you beloved, strong, courageous, or capable — but a part of you does not believe it applies to you? Today’s Scripture shows God meeting Gideon while he is afraid and hiding, then calling him a “mighty warrior.” This episode helps you notice the old stories you’ve been living under and begin trusting God’s presence more than your fear, insecurity, or family narrative. You’ll learn:*Why God’s truth about you can feel unfamiliar at first*How old narratives shape what you believe you’re capable of*Why God calls Gideon while he is still hiding*The difference between false affirmation and holy naming*How to go in the strength you actually have todayGo Deeper: Share this episode with someone who struggles to believe what God says about them. Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Luke 18:35–43 What do you do when you’ve learned to swallow your needs, lower your voice, or stop asking for help? Today’s Scripture shows a blind man crying out to Jesus while the crowd tells him to be quiet — and Jesus stops to listen. This episode helps you notice where you’ve been trained into silence, reclaim the dignity of your longing, and answer Jesus’ question: “What do you want me to do for you?” You’ll learn:*Why your needs may feel inconvenient or “too much”*How learned silence develops when your voice has been dismissed*Why Jesus is not irritated by your longing*How desire can become a doorway to encounter*One honest way to answer Jesus’ question todayGo Deeper: Take a moment to write down your answer to Jesus’ question: “What do you want me to do for you?” Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Psalm 77:1–12 What do you do when you believe in God, keep showing up, and still feel nothing? Today’s Scripture gives language for spiritual desolation — the ache of crying out to God and not feeling comforted. This episode helps you bring honest questions to God, understand why distress can make it hard to feel what you know, and practice remembering when God feels far away. You’ll learn:*Why not feeling God does not mean you are outside the life of faith*How Psalm 77 gives permission for honest questions*Why distress can narrow your sense of what is true*How remembering becomes a practice of spiritual reorientation*What to do when faith feels more like an ember than a flameGo Deeper: Pre-order The Secure Soul and learn how to reconnect with the parts of you that feel distant from God. Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support.While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Colossians 1:15–20 What do you do when your nervous system believes everything depends on you? Today’s Scripture reminds us that it is in Christ (not in our own control)that all things hold together. This episode helps you recognize over-responsibility, release what was never yours to carry, and learn how to participate in love without becoming the hidden center of everyone else’s life. You’ll learn: *Why responsibility can become over-responsibility *How overfunctioning makes every need feel like your obligation *Why your role is participation vs. playing God *One thing you can release today Go Deeper: Pre-order The Secure Soul and learn how to help over-functioning parts of you recognize old patterns and return to love. Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

"Can I forgive someone and still keep healthy boundaries?" "Why does forgiveness still feel impossible?" Forgiveness is one of the most beautiful teachings of the Christian faith—and one of the most misunderstood. Many of us learned that forgiveness meant moving on quickly, letting go of our anger, or restoring a relationship before trust had been rebuilt. But what if forgiveness isn't about minimizing harm at all? In this episode, Dr. Alison Cook sits down with theologian, author, and advocate Dr. Amy Orr-Ewing to explore a richer, more biblically grounded understanding of forgiveness. Together they unpack the difference between forgiveness, reconciliation, justice, and repair—and why naming the truth of what happened is an essential part of healing. Whether you're navigating family wounds, betrayal, church hurt, or simply wondering why forgiveness feels so difficult, this conversation offers both compassion and hope. You'll learn: Why forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation. How forgiveness differs from denying or minimizing harm. Why anger can be a healthy and necessary part of healing. How forgiveness and justice can exist together. What Scripture teaches about forgiveness after abuse or betrayal. Why forgiveness is often a journey rather than a single decision. How God's grace empowers forgiveness without requiring self-abandonment. Forgiveness isn't pretending the wound never happened. It's telling the truth about what was lost while slowly allowing God's grace to heal what was broken. Make sure to check out Amy’s new book, “Forgiveness: Reclaiming Its Power in a Culture of Outrage and Fear” More Resources: You can now preorder Dr. Alison’s newest book, The Secure Soul, and immediately receive the first 3 chapters as well as early access to the companion guide! Connect further with @dralisoncook on Instagram Curious what Family Role may have shaped you? Take the Family Role Quiz to learn how you may be showing up in your relationships with others. Want to hear more like this? Start here: Episode 78: The Mental Health Benefits of Forgiveness and Thoughts on Grace with Max Lucado 📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here Don't forget to browse this week's sponsors, who make it possible for me to bring you these resources for free + provide you with additional discounts! Quince - How you dress affects your mood and you can trust that Quince has you covered in every day sustainable wardrobe staples. Go to ⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! Aqua Tru - Join 98% of customers who have made their drinking water cleaner, safer, & healthier by visiting AquaTru.com and use promo code BESTOFYOU to get 20% off today! MOSH - Start building brain health into your every day with MOSH bars. Head to moshlife.com/BESTOFYOU25 and subscribe today to get 25% OFF your first Variety Pack and 20% off your monthly subscription with code BESTOFYOU25. That’s 25% off your first pack and 20% off your subscription of brain-boosting bars delivered straight to your door. *Some of the links above are Amazon affiliate links. If you choose to purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Numbers 13:25–33 What do you do when fear makes a hard conversation, new opportunity, or uncertain future feel bigger than your capacity to face it? Today’s Scripture shows how fear can distort self-perception, magnify obstacles, and make us feel like “grasshoppers in our own eyes.” This episode helps you notice fear without letting it shrink your sense of God, yourself, or what is possible. You’ll learn:*How fear can become a lens that distorts reality*Why courage is not the absence of fear*How fear magnifies obstacles and minimizes your capacity*Why remembering God’s faithfulness helps restore perspective*One brave next step you can take without solving the whole futureGo Deeper: Listen to Episode 41, “Boundaries With Fear and Anxiety,” and explore the free Boundaries for Your Soul resources Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Luke 13:34–35 **Today's devotional is in response to listener requests.**What do you do when someone you love will not come close, receive help, or change the pattern that is hurting them? Today’s Scripture gives us a tender and honest picture of Jesus longing to gather Jerusalem like a hen gathers her chicks —and grieving that they were not willing. This episode helps you love deeply without overfunctioning, chasing, fixing, or taking responsibility for someone else’s response. You’ll learn: *Why love can be fully offered and still refused*How overfunctioning often grows out of anxiety and attachment distress*Why Jesus grieves without controlling*The difference between loving someone and becoming responsible for their agency*How to love with both tenderness and limits Go Deeper: Pre-order The Secure Soul and learn how to recognize the controller part of you that’s trying to help — and return it to love. Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Psalm 37:1–8 What do you do when someone who hurt you seems to be winning? Today’s Scripture speaks into the anger, grief, resentment, and fixation that can rise up when people do harm and appear to get away with it. This episode helps you care about justice without letting someone else’s wrongdoing take over your inner life. You’ll learn: *Why “do not fret” means more than “do not worry” *How your nervous system can get locked onto someone else’s wrongdoing *The difference between righteous concern and corrosive fixation *Why Psalm 37 is grounding, not spiritual bypassing *One question to ask: What is mine to do, and what is God’s to hold? Go Deeper: Share this episode with someone who’s struggling to stop replaying what happened. Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: ⁠@dralisoncook⁠ ⁠Join⁠ 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: 2 Corinthians 12:7–10 **Today's devotional is in response to listener requests.**What do you do when you’ve prayed for something to change—and it still hasn’t? In today’s episode, Dr. Alison reflects on one of the most uncomfortable passages in the New Testament: Paul’s thorn in the flesh. Paul pleads with God three times for it to be removed, and God does not remove it. Instead, God gives him a promise: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” We explore: *Why unresolved pain can feel so hard to carry*What Paul’s thorn teaches us about weakness and grace*The difference between acceptance and resignation*How fighting what cannot be changed can compound suffering*What it means for Christ’s power to “rest” on us in weakness Go Deeper: Episode 208: Spiritual Dryness, Burnout, and the Desert Seasons of Faith with Tish Harrison Warren Read I Shouldn’t Feel This Way to learn more about naming what’s hard and discerning whether to change it, leave it, or suffer wisely Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever noticed how quickly old patterns resurface when you're around family? Maybe you find yourself walking on eggshells. Struggling to voice your preferences. Feeling responsible for everyone else's emotions. Or slipping back into roles you thought you'd left behind years ago. In this episode, Dr. Alison revisits one of the most requested conversations from the podcast, exploring how the dynamics we experienced growing up continue to shape our relationships today. Through the lens of attachment theory, boundaries, and family systems, Alison unpacks five common patterns that can influence the way we show up with the people we love—and how awareness is the first step toward healing. You'll learn: *Why family relationships can pull us back into old roles *What enmeshment is—and how it differs from healthy closeness *Five family patterns that often follow us into adulthood *How childhood experiences shape the way we handle conflict, boundaries, and relationships *Practical steps to help you begin breaking free from unhealthy dynamics Healing begins by telling the truth with wisdom, compassion, and truth—so you can love others without losing yourself. More Resources: You can now preorder Dr. Alison’s newest book, The Secure Soul, and immediately receive the first 3 chapters as well as early access to the companion guide! Connect further with @dralisoncook on Instagram Curious what Family Role may have shaped you? Take the Family Role Quiz to learn how you may be showing up in your relationships with others. Want to hear more like this? Start here: Episode 194: When Relationships Start to Drain You—Using Discernment to Stay Connected Without Losing Yourself Episode 178 How to Recognize Toxic Tactics, and Stop Taking the Bait 📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here Don't forget to browse this week's sponsors, who make it possible for me to bring you these resources for free + provide you with additional discounts! Quince - How you dress affects your mood and you can trust that Quince has you covered in every day sustainable wardrobe staples. Go to ⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! Aqua Tru - Join 98% of customers who have made their drinking water cleaner, safer, & healthier by visiting AquaTru.com and use promo code BESTOFYOU to get 20% off today! *Some of the links above are Amazon affiliate links. If you choose to purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Genesis 21:14–19 What if the help you need is closer than you can see right now? In today’s episode, Dr. Alison reflects on the story of Hagar in the wilderness—a woman who had been used, cast out, and left to survive what she did not choose. When the water runs out, Hagar reaches the end of herself. But God hears, draws near, and opens her eyes to a well that was already there. We explore: *Why despair narrows our vision Need help finding the well in front of you?Visit dralisoncook.com/podcast and use the search bar to type in whatever you’re carrying today—anxiety, grief, shame, boundaries, resentment, burnout, or anything else that feels heavy. You’ll find past episodes and conversations with experts that may offer the next small mercy, resource, or perspective you need. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Matthew 14:22–33**Today's devotional is in response to listener requests.**Have you ever taken a risk, stepped out in faith, and then wondered if you made a mistake? In today’s episode, Dr. Alison reflects on the story of Peter walking on water toward Jesus. Peter begins with courage, but when the wind picks up, fear takes over and he starts to sink. This passage reminds us that fear does not mean faith has disappeared—it may mean our attention has become divided. We explore:*Why courage can feel frightening after we step out*How fear narrows our attention and distorts what we see*Why Peter’s sinking was not the end of the story*What it means that Jesus reaches out immediately Go Deeper: Learn more about steadying yourself through fear in my new book The Secure Soul. Start reading now when you preorder. Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, Dr. Alison reflects on David’s honest prayer: “My spirit fails.” This is not a polished prayer or a failure of faith. It is a truthful prayer from a depleted soul. If you’re still functioning on the outside but feel dry, drained, or quietly unraveling on the inside, this passage gives you language for coming to God exactly as you are. We explore: *Why depletion is not laziness or spiritual failure *How emotional exhaustion impacts your nervous system *What actually helps restore us *Next steps to take when you're feeling depleted Go Deeper: If today’s devotion helped you feel less alone, share it with someone who might need the same encouragement. Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Ephesians 1:3–12 **Today's devotional is in response to listener requests.** Why is it so hard to receive a love that's freely given—especially if you’ve learned that love has to be earned, approval is conditional, or goodness is for other people? In today’s episode, Dr. Alison Cook reflects on Paul’s astonishing words about blessing, belovedness, adoption, redemption, forgiveness, and grace. Before Paul gives the Ephesians instructions for how to live, he reminds them who they already are in Christ. We explore: *Why responsibility can feel safer than receiving*What a shame schema is and how it filters out goodness*Why love, grace, and belonging can feel threatening*The difference between entitlement and true belonging*How to live from belovedness instead of working for it Go Deeper: If you struggle to sense God’s love, check out Dr. Alison’s new book The Secure Soul - start reading today when you preorder. Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Scripture is powerful.  It has the power to comfort, guide, convict, and restore. But when it's taken out of context or used to control, it can also leave deep wounds. In this conversation, Dr. Alison sits down with theologian and Mending the Soul co-founder Dr. Steven Tracy to explore how Scripture can be used as medicine—or as poison—for those who have experienced abuse. Together, they unpack some of the most commonly misused passages around submission, forgiveness, honoring parents, and divorce, while offering a more faithful way of reading Scripture: one that reflects God's heart for the vulnerable, the oppressed, and the wounded. Here’s what you’ll cover * Why spiritually abusive people often weaponize Scripture* How to recognize the difference between biblical truth and spiritual manipulation* What God reveals about His heart for those experiencing abuse* Why humility matters when we interpret Scripture* How healthy boundaries honor both God and human dignity* How survivors can begin rebuilding trust in both God and His Word Whether you've experienced spiritual abuse yourself, love someone who has, or simply want to handle Scripture with greater wisdom and compassion, this conversation offers both clarity and hope. Because God's Word was never meant to keep you trapped in harm. It was always meant to lead you toward healing. More Resources: You can now preorder Dr. Alison’s newest book, The Secure Soul, and immediately receive the first 3 chapters as well as early access to the companion guide! Read Dr. Steven Tracy’s book: To Heal or Harm Connect further with @dralisoncook on Instagram Curious what Family Role may have shaped you? Take the Family Role Quiz to learn how you may be showing up in your relationships with others. Want to hear more like this? Start here: Episode 163: Healing Spiritual Wounds – Understanding Abuse in Faith Spaces Episode 17: What is Church Hurt and How Do I Heal? 📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here Don't forget to browse this week's sponsors, who make it possible for me to bring you these resources for free + provide you with additional discounts! Quince - How you dress affects your mood and you can trust that Quince has you covered in every day sustainable wardrobe staples. Go to ⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! StoryWorth - Give your loved ones a unique keepsake you’ll all cherish for years—Storyworth Memoirs! Right now, save $10 or more during their Holiday sale when you go to StoryWorth.com/BESTOFYOU! Remi - Start sleeping better with a Remi nightguard and use code BESTOFYOU and get 50% off your purchase. Go to ShopRemi.com/BESTOFYOU and use code BESTOFYOU. AirDoctor - Did you know the quality of oxygen you breathe affects your brain which in turn your thoughts? Eliminate 99.9% contaminants in your home with AirDoctor by visiting AirDoctorPro.com and use promo code BESTOFYOU to get UP TO $300 off today! *Some of the links above are Amazon affiliate links. If you choose to purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's Scripture: Zechariah 8:4–5 What if one of the clearest signs of healing isn’t just that danger ends—but that joy returns? In today’s episode, Dr. Alison Cook reflects on Zechariah’s beautiful vision of restoration: elderly men and women sitting safely in the streets, and children playing again. It’s a picture of hope after devastation, safety after fear, and joy returning to the most vulnerable places. We explore:*Why play is a sign of safety and healing*How survival mode can crowd out joy, creativity, and delight*What Zechariah’s vision teaches us about shalom and restoration*Why God’s vision of healing includes the vulnerable, the elderly, and the young*How to help the younger parts of you remember what safety feels like Go Deeper: Episode 172: Daring Joy: Breaking Free from Fear, Cynicism, and Toxic Positivity with Therapist Nicole Zasowski Episode 198: Tiny Joys, Big Healing: Retraining the Brain for Hope with Dr MaryCatherine McDonald Connect with Dr. Alison on Instagram: @dralisoncook Join 80,000+ Soul Menders in Dr. Alison’s free email community for ongoing reflection and support. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices