The Blocked Podcast

In this episode, Carolyn and Chris take on another listener requested topic and discuss accepting criticism without taking it personally. They try to show a deeper understanding of what Criticism is and where it comes from and how can we engage with it from our partners in a way that tries to understand as opposed to responding with defensiveness. Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention.Show Hosts:Chris Wells: [email protected] Wenner: [email protected] Hosted by Carolyn and Chris:Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connectionHold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshopEFT Resources:Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In this episode, Carolyn and Chris take on another listener requested topic and discuss the forgiveness. What it is and what it is not, and how difficult it is. No one can hurt you like the one you are closest to. What do you do when it seems like you are stuck between wanting to forgive and feeling like you aren’t able to. Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention.Show Hosts:Chris Wells: [email protected] Wenner: [email protected] Hosted by Carolyn and Chris:Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connectionHold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshopEFT Resources:Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In this episode Carolyn and Chris revisit a recent episode. In the last episode on Toxic Masculinity, it may have come across as defending masculinity and describing what toxic masculinity is not. In this episode, Carolyn and Chris wanted to explore more about what women experience and give our audience a different perspective to contrast the last episode. Enjoy!Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention.Show Hosts:Chris Wells: [email protected] Wenner: [email protected] Hosted by Carolyn and Chris:Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connectionHold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshopEFT Resources:Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In this episode Carolyn and Chris discuss fight or flight reactions in relationship in a listener requested episode. Listeners wanted to know how to overcome our fight or flight reactions and how to respond and not react. They explore recognizing our fear and what we actually need in response to navigate these situations? Apologies in advance as there was an audio issue with the microphones during recording, but real is real. Enjoy.Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention.Show Hosts:Chris Wells: [email protected] Wenner: [email protected] Hosted by Carolyn and Chris:Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connectionHold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshopEFT Resources:Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In this episode, Chris and Carolyn take on a listener request and talk about toxic masculinity. What is it, what is it not? How does this show up as a block to connection in relationship. It is a term that is polarizing to many people. Is there an opportunity to see this as an opportunity to be curious about your partner and find connection if this comes up in your relationship?Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention.Show Hosts:Chris Wells: [email protected] Wenner: [email protected] Hosted by Carolyn and Chris:Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connectionHold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshopEFT Resources:Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In this episode, Carolyn and Chris talk about Valentines Day. It can be a polarizing holiday for many different reasons. Enjoy a fun episode, talking about the holiday and how for some it can be a block to connection with the one you care about most. The hosts encourage curiosity about your partner’s previous experiences with the holiday and how something that may have been painful for them in the past can be turned into an opportunity to connect.Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention.Show Hosts:Chris Wells: [email protected] Wenner: [email protected] Hosted by Carolyn and Chris:Created for Connection:https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connectionHold Me Tight:https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshopEFT Resources:Sue Johnson:https://drsuejohnson.com/Books by Sue Johnson:https://drsuejohnson.com/books/International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT):https://iceeft.com/

In this episode, Carolyn and Chris interview Melana Carbary. The interviews in this series are intended to provide some new perspectives on attachment in the real world. Melana is a financial planner focusing her practice on women’s needs. She gives a fresh perspective on emotion and attachment when it comes to finances. Guest Links: https://burningriverag.com/ https://enlightenher.com/ http://divorcenavigator.com/ Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In this episode, Carolyn and Chris begin the first of three interviews to get different perspectives on encountering emotion and attachment in daily life. Shannon Jones joins the show to give the perspective of a family law attorney. They explore the emotions she encounters in her office and how she navigates those emotions and attachment. Guest Links: https://www.shannonjoneslaw.com/ 843-720-3100 Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In this episode, Carolyn and Chris discuss their experience with being therapists. They talk about what they like and dislike as therapist and let you in a little to what your therapist may be thinking. Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In this episode, Carolyn and Chris discuss recovering from an affair. They look at what to expect from the offending and offended partner and how that shows up in therapy. This is a difficult wounding that many couples are not able to recover from even with the assistance of a therapist. This episode, hopefully, if both partners are invested in repair, can create curiosity about what recovery could look like. Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In this episode, Carolyn and Chris discuss common blocks for couples during the holidays. The holiday season for some is their favorite time of year, for some, it is the most feared time of year. Perhaps you or your partner have some raw spots around the holidays. What would it be like to get curious about those and work to head off some potentially difficult situations? Maybe, you can learn how to show up for your partner in ways you didn’t know they needed you to. Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In this episode Carolyn and Chris discuss the concept of wounded healers. They go more in depth on how their own wounds and experience with attachment led them to become therapist. We all carry our own wounds and we try to apply what we learn from them the best we can, but we don’t always get it right. Even your therapist. Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In this episode Carolyn and Chris discuss another popular couples therapy approach the Gottman Method. Gottman outlines 4 horseman of the apocalypse that show up in couples relationships that spell disaster for the relationship. Carolyn and Chris break these down and look at what Gottman says and what EFT would say about these 4 horseman that are behaviors that show up in a relationship. This episode focuses on two of the horseman, criticism and contempt. Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In this episode Carolyn and Chris discuss another popular couples therapy approach the Gottman Method. Gottman outlines 4 horseman of the apocalypse that show up in couples relationships that spell disaster for the relationship. Carolyn and Chris break these down and look at what Gottman says and what EFT would say about these 4 horseman that are behaviors that show up in a relationship. This episode focuses on two of the horseman, defensiveness and stonewalling. Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In this Episode, Carolyn and Chris discuss when it may be difficult for you or your partner to take responsibility for their behavior in the negative cycle. They look at the possible reasons this may show up and how it prevents opportunities to connect and overcome your cycle. Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In this episode, Carolyn and Chris talk about blocks to connection that are seemingly out of your control. How do you respond with something in your relationship is creating distance and disconnection but you have little to now power to change it. Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

Why do we keep secrets? Especially those that have to do with our sexuality or sexual expression? This is our first episode that may not be friendly for the car ride with your kids. We see it so often in our therapy offices, that one or both partners struggle with sexual secrets. We often justify the secret because it protects our partner, but are we really protecting ourselves from expected rejection. A difficult topic to be curious about for sure, and one that you may need the help of a therapist to flush out. Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In this episode, Carolyn and Chris address the common myth of “I need to work on myself” before I can do couples counseling. We hear this so often! While it is true that we all have our own issues that likely need to be worked out in therapy. Does that exclude us in benefiting from couples counseling before that happens? Chris and Carolyn try to bring some light to this and maybe bring some curiosity to this being a block for you to pursue couples therapy. Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In this episode, Carolyn and Chris return from a summer break to talk about what they do as therapists. Listen to learn more about what process they use for couples therapy in their offices as well as the workshops they offer and the opportunity to do an intensive with Carolyn. The many options for working on your relationship can sometimes be overwhelming or intimidating. Chris and Carolyn aim to demystify some of that and hopefully create curiosity about improving your relationship. Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In this episode Carolyn and Chris look at some blocks that we may not overcome. There are sometimes things that happen where the injury is too great, or trying to overcome the block may not be safe. Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In this episode Carolyn and Chris look at how validation as a block to connection. Validation is great and most people thrive on having their experience seen and heard. Sometimes giving validation can be difficult, especially when you don’t share the same experience of a situation. Can we be curious about validation and how we can validate another’s experience without invalidating our own? Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In this episode Carolyn and Chris pay tribute to Sue Johnson, creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy. Sue passed away at the age of 76 on April 23rd, 2024. Sue left an incredible legacy by impacting countless relationships and shaping couples therapy as we know it today. Rest in Peace Sue. Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In this episode Carolyn and Chris discuss what it means to be curious. You hear us talk about being curious about yourself and your partner all the time. What does that actually look like? Curiosity should be a good thing in relationship, but the way we approach it can sometimes send the wrong message. Are you being curious in your relationship? Has your own curiosity seemed to block connection? Listen as our hosts explore curiosity as a block and how it can be genuinely connecting. Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In this episode, Carolyn and Chris continue to explore the blocks to connection that show up in parenting. In addition to exploring our own triggers and understanding our past’s affect on our current relationships, this episode focuses on how we had parenting modeled for us and how we can model it for our own children. Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In this episode Carolyn and Chris explore common blocks to connection in parenting. This topic is too broad to condense into one episode, so there is a part 2 coming. Often, differences in our parenting style or how we saw it modeled for us can create tension or blocks to connection with our partners. Hopefully, this episode spurs you to be curious about how the important job of parenting children can create disconnection in our relationships. Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In this episode, Carolyn and Chris explore relationship blocks that come up surrounding finances. Being in sync with your partner on finances is an important foundational part to any marriage or serious long-term relationship. However, it is not the dollars and cents that are the blocks but the emotions that come up surrounding them. The way each partner views finances and money influence the messages we send and receive surrounding money. How can we be curious about the meaning money carries for our partners so we can just see finances as a problem to solve and not our partner as the problem? Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In this episode, Carolyn and Chris explore boundaries. Boundaries are meant to define where a person begins and ends. They are often in place to be protective of a relationship. When they are clearly set and communicated, they can be a healthy and fruitful part of all relationships. Sometimes they can show up as blocks in our relationships and seem harsh and controlling. Boundaries can also sometimes become ultimatums. How can we be curious about our partner’s boundaries and learn to be curious and shift our view of boundaries to an opportunity to connect and build a stronger relationship. Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In this episode, Carolyn and Chris discuss how a rushed apology can be a block to connection. Sometimes we can rush to an apology to smooth things over or because we just feel obligated to apologize. The rushed apology can act to remove some anxiety over the offense, but it does not really help to heal the hurt. Can you be curious about how you handle apologies, are you quick to apologize, do you apologize excessively, is the purpose of your apology act more to help you or to heal the injury? Being curious about this may help build connection in your relationship. Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In this episode Carolyn and Chris explore how perfectionism and procrastination show up as blocks in relationships. These two emotional regulation strategies can come across as overbearing or lazy, but what is actually driving them? We explore what may be going on under the surface and how being curious about that could be an opportunity to connect. Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In this episode, Carolyn and Chris talk about how the emotion of anger shows up as a block in relationship. Anger, because of the negative behaviors associated with it, often gets a bad rap. Anger can be misunderstood and is often trying to communicate an unmet need, but the way it affects our partners can leave both partners hurt. If we can be curious in safe ways around anger, it may be possible to identify and respond to the unmet need causing the hurt. Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In this episode Carolyn and Chris explore understanding emotions. Emotions for some are not very clear and end up blocking our ability to communicate what we are actually experiencing. We all experience emotions, but many people have a hard time understanding what our emotions are trying to tell us. We explore the adaptive nature of emotions, how we experience them through our bodies and the ways we make sense of them. Much of society teaches us that emotions are weak and dangerous and must be pushed down. Hopefully after this episode, emotions can be seen as our bodies trying to tell us important information and move us away from the way they block us in relationship and toward connecting through sharing and understanding. Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: ⁠https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection⁠ Hold Me Tight: ⁠https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop⁠ EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: ⁠https://drsuejohnson.com/⁠ Books by Sue: ⁠https://drsuejohnson.com/books/⁠ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): ⁠https://iceeft.com/

In this episode we explore how the families and models for relationships that we experienced influence how we handle emotion. How did our families handle emotion, conflict and resolution? When we look at some of these factors, our own responses to emotion and disconnection start to make more sense. Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In this episode we explore how stress can block our connections. How does daily stress make it hard to slow down and tune in? The structure of daily lives, driven by stress, keeps us from building margins to connect. When our daily lives put pressure on us to carry extra weight, we lose capacity to be present with our partners. Can we be curious about our partner’s stress and connect with each other by being able to share that extra weight we carry? Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In this episode we further breakdown the negative cycle and the “go-to” moves we have learned to handle difficult emotions and disconnection. These strategies either move us toward our partners or away from our partners, but for very good reasons. We try to show how the messages we hear from the time we are children through adulthood influence the way we all handle emotion in relationship. Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In Episode 6 we identify the repeated patterns of disconnection in relationships that we in the EFT world call the negative cycle. Have you ever noticed that no matter what tension comes up in life, the way you and your partner respond to each other is the same. We often refer to the negative cycle in The Blocked Podcast and this episode gives more context to what this cycle is and how it pulls partners into a dance that neither one want to be in. Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In Episode 5 we discuss how our past traumas can block our connection. Whether it is a big T trauma from death, injury, or sexual assault or little t trauma that we all experience, they can shift our worldviews and create really big responses. When this happens both partners struggle to make sense of the intense emotions that seem to come out of nowhere. We look at trauma as a violation in human connection; how our bodies tell us we are not safe when we are reminded of the trauma; and we get curious about how each partner struggles when a previous trauma blocks their connection. Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In our fourth episode we discuss how our relationship with our parents and in-laws can block our romantic relationships. We all bring in frameworks for our romantic relationships from how we saw that modeled for us. We navigate topics like the shift from parent/child to parent/adult child relationships, creating boundaries in our parental relationships that protect our romantic relationships, and how our different experiences can block our partner connection. Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In our third episode we discuss the blocks to intimacy. Intimacy is not only sexual but actually mostly emotional connection through being seen and known by your partner (into-me-see). Vulnerability is key and foundational to intimacy, but often gets blocked by our fears. Though always risky, vulnerability sometimes feels insurmountable without a base of trust, but like a rollercoaster, on the other side of fear is reward. Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/

In this episode, we look at competing attachments, what they are, how they turn us away from our primary attachment figure (our significant other) and toward alternative sources of soothing.  We sometimes have good reasons for turning toward something or someone that is not our significant other, but that creates distance and pain in our relationships and we get stuck.  Although, when we can make the difficult turn back toward our significant other, we can find freedom in rightly ordered attachments. Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Show Hosts: Chris Wells: [email protected] Carolyn Wenner: [email protected] Workshops hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/ Article on Competing Attachments by Anabelle Bugatti: https://ct.counseling.org/2020/08/identifying-and-addressing-competing-attachments-with-couples/#:~:text=Competing%20attachments%20constitute%20a%20counterfeit,substitute%20for%20unmet%20attachment%20needs

This introductory episode features an introduction to the hosts, Chris Wells ([email protected]) and Carolyn Wenner ([email protected]), to the focus of the podcast, and to Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). Disclaimer: Some details have been edited for privacy purposes. The views and opinions expressed here are for public consumption but are not meant to take the place of therapy and/or medical attention. Workshops Hosted by Carolyn and Chris: Created for Connection: https://www.carolynwenner.com/created-for-connection Hold Me Tight: https://www.carolynwenner.com/hmt-workshop EFT Resources: Sue Johnson: https://drsuejohnson.com/ Books by Sue: https://drsuejohnson.com/books/ International Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT): https://iceeft.com/