The Family Archives

Long time listeners of our show may remember a period when Cy used to come into the studio like every other day. Before that period, he came in for the first time, right near the very beginning. So early, in fact, that we were still broadcasting out of Tom's basement because we weren't sure this show would last. Well it definitely lasted, as did the many episodes with Cy Amundson. And if the show goes for another twenty or so years, I might even have time to make a lost episode out of all of them. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is a Catholic episode, so to listen, you either need to be Catholic or hold a rosary the entire time. Sorry, that's the rule. It's in the bible somewhere I'm sure. You can also gain temporary favor with the Holy See by watching Siobhan's movie, Shelter In Solitude, which comes out on the 6th. Since the entire world is apparently on strike, you should have plenty of free time to watch movies. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You know how they say there are two things you should never bring up in polite discussion: religion and politics? How about an entire hour of just those two things? That's right, we're going Full Impolite. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Frank's back, and this time he's in person. After all, he is live at Acme today and tomorrow. He's also a modern day philosopher. Bet you didn't know that part, did you? It's true. We discuss topics like raising children, education, and the definition of "comedy". And we all do it in Donald Trump's voice. Well, one of us did. We'll let you guess who. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The strike seems to finally be coming to a close maybe, even though they just added video games to the pyre. We speculate that you'll be seeing a lot of "no AI" clauses in contracts in the near future. It won't write our shows, it won't act, but it will diagnose and treat your medical problems. I don't know, something about giving a robot access to scalpels and anesthetic drugs seems a lot more concerning than letting one write a TV show, but our societal priorities are a bit off lately. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Do you freeze up when you get put on the spot? Of course you do. Almost everyone does. That's why you need to learn to both think faster and talk smarter. You can do that by reading a book called Think Faster, Talk Smarter. It's very up front about its contents. Maybe if you learn to think faster you'll also get better at pickleball, which is important because everyone on the entire planet is playing it now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week, Fancy Ray returned. In 2017, he simply arrived. It was his first visit, and both the show and the very planet itself have changed quite a bit since then. Ray seems unperturbed. In fact, he may even be higher energy now than he was six years ago. Now's your chance to compare and contrast for yourself. Disclaimer: this episode isn't technically "lost" in that it can be found by digging around our Megaphone archives, but for ease of access and visibility we're republishing it here. Besides, I'm not even sure how most people do access our archives. Maybe you can't. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Last time Fancy Ray was in studio, we were deep in the heart of a pandemic. Apparently the pandemic is coming back, which of course means Ray must come back. Actually, it's a complete coincidence. We just like finding patterns. Here's another pattern: whenever he's in, you can expect the energy level to hover somewhere around "very high". How does he do it? We may never know. All we can do is benefit. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In the distant past, everything was local. The news was local, entertainment was largely local, and even controversy was local. Sometimes it was a little too local, like when the guy across the street is the wrong denomination of your religion. Even then, these were the things that gave communities their identity. Globalization has stripped away the uniqueness of our neighborhoods, and whether you think we're better or worse off than the "good old days", you have to agree that they generated some pretty interesting stories we're not likely to see the likes of ever again. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Medical science has come a long way in the past hundred years. Even the past ten. And while getting here has been a combined effort of countless people, Mary Lasker and her husband Albert were among the first to realize that the federal government and its infinite money could be leveraged to improve cancer outcomes. Since then, cancer has slowly gone from a virtually guaranteed death sentence to something many people can be cured of. It wasn't long ago that doctors refused to use the word "cured" when talking about cancer. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Did you ever think you'd live to hear Pixar be called "mediocre" and see people rolling their eyes when Disney comes out with a new take on a classic fairy tale? Well, you made it. It's the future, and Walt Disney isn't here to save us. Everything they've made must be remade through a feminist, intersectional, non-dwarfism-having lens. Fun? What's that? Movies are about the message, not about enjoyment. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Punctuality is very important here on the podcast, which is why we had Frank on the show. He's always on time, unlike certain other comedians who shall remain nameless. He's also a connoisseur of fine glass art, which we didn't know until today but consider it a bonus. If you want to witness the punctuality firsthand, Frank will be at Acme on the 27th and 28th. The glass pieces are not guaranteed to be included in his act. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

John Lassman, known as The Chucker to his fans and Lassmental to his friends, has been gracing the airwaves for decades. His most famous moments came about during a period when celebrities could still be joked around with and not immediately stomp away in a huff. Okay, some celebrities could do that. The 80s and 90s truly were a magical time. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

All we do on this show is talk. Persuasion is a form of talking. That's why Carlos is here to persuade us to talk about persuasion. Which is talking. If this all sounds confusing, it's because we're not authors. Carlos is, however, so let him doing the explaining instead. And that's not the only explanation you'll get today - Josh Arnold is here (in spirit), and Bill from the Ford plant calls in to set right some wrongs about the upcoming strike. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today, instead of cars, we talk about bars and cabs. But if you think about it, they're all basically the same word. Bar is car with a B, and cab is also car with a B. It's only natural that we'd get them confused and do Bar Cabbing Secrets instead. To add to the confusion, we have two Toms in studio too. It's a real mind bender, this one. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When you think Real Housewives, what do you think? Annoying bickering? Constant fighting? How about a peaceful Christian who just wants everyone to get along? If you guessed that last one, you might be a fan of The Real Housewives of Orange County, because Lydia starred in it for several seasons and that's how she describes herself. But the real question is, what's her opinion on the Maccabees? Inquiring biblical scholars want to know. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today we're going to cover the entertainment industry. Did you know that it's somewhat unethical? Yeah, we were surprised too. Turns out people do all sorts of things when you give them the promise of money and power. Once you actually give them money and power, it gets a whole lot worse. That's why we choose to remain humble. Can't let all this fame and fortune go to our heads. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The thrilling tale of Tom vs. The Internet continues. This time it offers Costaki a nostalgic trip back into his childhood, because apparently the internet was somewhat crappy back in the day. Remember dialup? Some things are best left in the past. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You know how we often lament that you can't say anything without getting in trouble these days? It's not strictly true. We can't say anything. You can't say anything. But some people, for some reason, seem to be able to say anything they want. Joey is one of those people. He was also one of the first ever guests on our show. Remember when we used to put out censored radio edits, manually editing out every swear? Yeah, that was fun. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Before there was Car Selling Secrets, there was Ar Talk. No, not Car Talk. That's copyrighted. Aside from the name, it's pretty much the CSS you know and love. Doug's here. It's got a groovy theme song. We barely talk about cars. You'll feel right at home, I'm sure. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

And so ends our day of sweltering behind a microphone. After this we probably went and got a bunch of cookies and deep fried whatevers. Also a turkey leg. Nothing cools you down quite like a steaming hot turkey leg. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ten years ago, the family decided to broadcast live from the Minnesota state fair. Last week, Tom did it again. It's called building suspense. Did it work? Why not compare them back to back? We've blown off ten years of dust to bring you part 1 of the first visit, and tomorrow you'll get part 2, just in time for the end of the fair. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tom has been called away to loftier endeavors, so today's show is just Andy and Gelfand talking about their health problems. Just kidding. Josh Arnold swoops in to save the day with a topic that's equally serious but much more pleasant: money. Sometimes you get more, like when you invest wisely. Sometimes you don't, like when you gamble. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Are you a Barbie girl? You're certainly in a Barbie world, and there's nothing you can do about it. You can thank the Germans for that. That's where Ruth Handler got the idea for Barbie in the first place. Although if you follow the chain back far enough, it's ultimately the fault of cavemen and their cavechildren, as usual. For those of us who don't live in prehistoric times, we have a much more complex array of dolls to play with. Could their dolls made of straw and clay drive a race car? I don't think so. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What happens when you sell your likeness to Hollywood? They put your face on cereal boxes and in video games, right? Pretty benign? Not any more. Now you have to worry about them creating an AI homunculus that looks and sounds like you. And the worst part is, you don't even get paid for it. That's why it's important to get a good agent. Or you could just go settle Mars, where money doesn't exist and the only thing you have to worry about is a dome breach. It's like being a medieval subsistence farmer, but instead of smallpox getting you it's meteorites. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Do you have that one song that you could discuss for hours? Dissecting its rhythm, melody, and lyrics? Diallo and Blake do. Except for them it's many "one songs". Enough that they made a podcast doing just that, in fact. Personally, we find it easier to let some children loose in the studio, turn on the mics, and see what happens. Just don't expect any deep dives when your hosts have an attention span of 30 seconds. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Being a veteran is tough. Your job was either killing or killing-adjacent, and that takes its toll. Often, that toll comes in the form of suicide. If we had a solution, we'd give one, but all we can do for now is raise awareness. And we do that by platforming Josh, who's decided to hike 22 miles a day for 22 days while carrying 22 pounds on his back. As you may have guessed, the number 22 is significant. Visit op22.funraise.org to contribute. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you've got your ear to the street, you know what the current trend is: calling in sick on August 24th. We don't get it either, but that's fads for you. By the time you read this it may be too late, so make your plans for next year. Call in sick, then get a burger from the St. Clair Broiler. Oh wait, you can't do that any more. Instead, why not go on a shopping spree at Sears? No, can't do that either - at least not in Minnesota. At least you can always take a nice relaxing flight with Yevgeny Prigozhin. Oh wait. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When you hear the term "Pig lady", what do you think? A lady that looks like a pig? Some kind of minotaur-esque creature? How about a sociopath who feeds people to pigs? If you chose the last one, you either have a very strange imagination or you know about the Susan Monica murders. And if you don't know about them, you're about to, courtesy of Adam. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Now that Dr. Huber has returned to the show, let's celebrate by remembering the first time he was on the show. At least, I think it's the first time. He's been on so much it's hard to sort through them all. Not to mention we get along so well it's like we've always been old friends, right? Right. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If there's one thing all four of us have in common (aside from our genes) it's that we're all married. We like to consider ourselves happily married, even. Still, every relationship has its troubles. Why not erase your baggage before it becomes a problem rather than after? And we're not talking about pawning the kids off on Grandma and Grandpa. Well, I guess we are talking about that a little. And your kids being out of the house is the perfect time to listen to some AI-generated football jokes read by Costaki. Not because they're dirty or anything, but because you don't want your kids growing up thinking this is what "humor" is. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In the days of yore, a rivalry was formed. C.J., also known as Cheryl Johnson, was a Star Tribune columnist who frequently covered Tom's exploits in a less than favorable light. This led to them clashing on the regular...until today. And by "today" I mean over ten years ago. On his (at the time) new podcast, Tom and C.J. buried the hatchet once and for all. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

There's a podcast out there called The Parents Lounge. And while we're all parents and we like to lounge, that podcast isn't this one. Sometimes the two meet, though, such as today when Jason called in. As such, we have all the bases covered. It all starts with kids, then cars, then stocks, then the cops take you to prison for insider trading. The prison part may not apply to everyone. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Life's full of changes. You start off playing basketball against athletes three times your size, you end up what exactly the doctor is doing to your bladder. You buy a house for 3.9 million, you sell it for 125. Maybe you've never done any of these things exactly, but you get the idea. That's why we aim to be an unmoving beacon in the storm. A point of stability in a chaotic world. Just ignore the 300 times we've changed our schedule, show length, lineup, and name. Those don't count. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Somehow, we managed to go nearly two years without having Dr. Huber on the show. We were afraid of catching COVID over the phone, you see. While our fears might be somewhat ridiculous, there are millions of people out there with more grounded problems, and many of them are children. Kids don't do well with social isolation, constantly being told the world is going to end, and having to worry about a plague. Weird, I know. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

There's one thing keeping us all from taking our dream vacation: lack of teleportation technology. Luckily, in the magical world of hypotheticals, there's no such thing as airfare, travel time, or needing enough free time for the trip to actually be worth it. Come live in this magical realm with us as we travel to Japan, Japan, Japan, and Scandinavia. And Japan. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Anxiety is a normal part of life. It can help you process and it can stop you from making a bad decision. It can also be a very abnormal part of life. As they say, the dose makes the poison. This is especially common among first responders, veterans, and other people in extremely high stress occupations. While there are resources out there for those people, they're not all necessarily high quality or available. That's why Russ created the Invisible Wounds Project specifically for them and their families. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

There are many reasons to run. It's a great way to lose weight. It puts distance between you and your demons. And for Alexi, it makes you an Olympic athlete. It also indirectly made her an author. The book is called Bravey - no, not Bravery - and it's about chasing dreams and befriending pain. Hey, there's another thing running can do: catch up to your dreams. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In 2010, Futurama came back from the dead after being cancelled. A couple years later, Billy West, who voices like half the cast, was on our show. Now, in the futuristic year 2023, Futurama has been resurrected once again. What better time to relive a past when Futurama had only ended once? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Here in America we've never had official royalty. It's kind of our thing. Yet despite the fact that our ancestors sailed the ocean blue and fought a war to get away from them, we can't get enough of the British royal family. Or can we? Support has dwindled over the years and shows no signs of stopping. It's currently at 55%, which means in a few short years they'll be out of majority favor for the first time since the Anglos met the Saxons. Given how much of our media is still about them, it really makes you wonder how bad it must have been a hundred years ago. Luckily we can just ask the average senator, because they'd remember. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Game show hosts are often known for their longevity. You've got people hosting the same show for over fifty years. Can't say that about most industries. Unfortunately, our status as a mortal species gets the best of us eventually, and all those names that were synonymous with a show are starting to leave. It's kind of like how superheroes are on their way out, except in that case people are happy about it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Most of our audience is either in Minnesota or Wisconsin, so we don't encounter a lot of deadly venom. It makes it easy to forget that in much of the world, there are animals the size of a quarter that can kill you. There are also animals the size of of a room that can kill you. Oddly, those ones choose not to. Perhaps it's because they've already eaten every mammal in the Everglades. They're called Burmese Pythons, and Amy hunts them. It helps nature, it gets you some nice leather boots, and there aren't many titles cooler than "python hunter". Everybody wins. Except the pythons. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A pastor and a professional wrestler walk into a bar. They also occupy the same physical space. Impossible? Not when you're Chris Whaley, a pastor who was also known as The Saint in the ring. With a name like that, it was a foregone conclusion, right? Plus he refused to use steroids, so he had the whole "body is a temple" thing going on. Hard to imagine someone like that bringing the smackdown to The Undertaker, but it happened. And we have proof. His book, The Masked Saint, is a semi-autobiographical account. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is a tasty episode. Who doesn't like a nice steak? Of course, it helps when the steak hasn't sat in a hot garage for a week. How about some Dairy Queen? Oh wait, those have all been sold off to land grabbers. Okay, I guess if we can't eat then we'll just talk about cars? Dang, wrong again. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The saying "give a damn" is interesting. Who are you giving it to? To give a damn is a good thing, but does that mean it's also good to take a damn? Also, how many times can you say "damn" before it starts sounding like a made-up word? Let's find out if the answer is five: Mark wrote a book called Give A Damn, which is basically what Tom has been saying on a daily basis for the past few years condensed into book form. Will we ever get along? What do we do about all this hatred? And what the hell is a Cap Snaffler? Disclaimer: we can't guarantee that last one is actually in the book. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Everyone has their own version of escapism. As children, we play with dolls or cars. Then as we get older, it's wrestling, video games, and playing pretend. As adults, we have movies and TV. In the past, these things were all separate. Not any more. Now we have movies about toys, movies about video games, video games about wrestling, and wrestlers in movies about pretend cars. And soon everything will become one: make-believe AI-generated people pretending to play a video game that doesn't exist about a toy line that also doesn't exist. At that point, we fully expect that going outside and playing with rocks will become suddenly very popular. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You may recall, or at least be aware of, UFO Mania in the 50s and 60s. Roswell, crop circles, abductions, UFO sightings. All swamp gas, of course. It's back, and this time we have 4k video cameras in the pocket of every American. We also have military officials testifying before congress that there are Martians living among us. Well maybe they didn't say that but they said something. Why not watch Accidental Truth, UFO Revelations to find out what? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You could call this a serious episode. "Serious" can mean a lot of things though. It can be a synonym for dire, grave, or appalling. For example, the Jacob Wetterling kidnapping. That was all of those things. It hits close to home, too. Robert is from Wisconsin and wrote a book all about it, from the crime to the resolution. "Serious" can also mean things less awful too. Money is good, but it's also serious business. You should take it seriously. Or, failing that, hire a financial advisor to take it seriously for you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Are you ready for a chemistry lesson? Our first topic is isomers. Delta 7, delta 8, delta 9. No, it's not a military designation, it's different types of THC. Which leads us to our second topic: psychoactive chemicals. You'll be seeing a lot more of them in a few days. That's why it's important to know your limits, use caution, and above all else, never leave your house. No, not just when high. Better to just stay home forever. That's why God invented food delivery. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Have you been feeling like your parenting could use some more bhakti principles lately? Then I have good news for you. That's exactly what Mother Gopi Gita brings in her new book, Leadership Parenting. The "correct" way to parent has been eluding humanity for thousands of years. Every generation has its own spin, and it's usually the polar opposite of what their parents did. Gopi, instead, unifies wisdom from all generations. Kind of like the USB of parenting. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices