The Horror Virgin
by The Horror Virgin
What’s your favorite scary movie? Are you a fanatic or a fraidy-cat? Either way, we’ve got you covered. Each week, horror fan Paige will take Horror Virgin Todd through the encyclopedia of horror one movie at a time. We’ll discuss classics as well as fan favorites, with the occasional new release thrown in for good measure. Mikey will make inappropriate jokes and Todd will scream like a little girl at every jump scare. It’s hilarious. Prepare yourself for spoilers, tangents, and lots of irreverent fun. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram at @HorrorVirgin
Episodes
-
457 - Resident Evil (2026)
“Why is it called Raccoon City? It’s not nearly adorable enough.” This week’s scariest movie is... Resident Evil. This film has everything: apocalypse-proof Life cereal, a rolling pileup of bodies, And a pedicure no squid foot could survive. If you love Jetta-based survival plans, emergency…
more -
456 - Five Nights at Freddy's 2
“Our cooks are kind of busy murdering a child from your local community.” This week’s scariest movie is... Five Nights at Freddy’s 2. This film has everything: paranormal robot cold cases, one-size-fits-all music boxes, And unsuspecting guest singalongs. If you love Jason Pargin’s screenplay...
-
455 - Halloween H20
“I don't know what's scarier. Josh Hartnett's hair or Michelle Williams' '90s eyebrows.” This week’s scariest movie is... Halloween H20: 20 Years Later. This film has everything: masked library research, guard-shack smut, and a school counselor with spectacularly bad timing. If you love…
more -
454 - Ready or Not 2: Here I Come
“I'm sorry you have to see me naked. Stop trying to kill me and I'll clothe myself. But this is on you.” This week’s scariest movie is... Ready or Not 2: Here I Come. This film has everything: grassy-knoll hide-and-seek, vascular syringe seduction, And a backwards bridal bazooka. If you love...
-
453 - Psycho 2
"You're honor, in Yahweh versus Rome." This week’s scariest movie is... Psycho 2. This film has everything: municipal nuclear arsenals, O.J. Simpson crowd-work hazards, And upper-pectoral boob mechanics. If you love bleeding-wall en suites, murder-knife sandwich service, and mom-signed coworker...
-
452 - Critters 2
“Shut the fuck up and dress like an Easter bunny.” This week’s scariest movie is... Critters 2. This film has everything: reptile piercings at Claire's, Soviet critter espionage, And Mickey Mouse kink protocols. If you love Grandma's intergalactic TV remote, Civil War burger demolition, and…
more -
451 - Phantasm IV: Oblivion
“Every place I have sex automatically becomes historical.” This week’s scariest movie is... Phantasm IV: Oblivion (With Mikey Randolph). This film has everything: hybrid Beast dick taxonomy, brown-note embalming science, And bar-certified sex bots. If you love Jawa protection rackets, hydraulic...
-
450 - Scooby Doo on Zombie Island
“I can't wait for you to read the Google AI summary about the Beast's dick.” This week’s scariest movie is... Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island. This film has everything: TSA charcuterie seizures, Latin-speaking exorcist Scooby, And cat-clock moon dials. If you love Ken-doll devil frogs…
more -
449 - IT Part 2 (1990)
“If you don't snap out of this, I will kill us both.” This week’s scariest movie is... IT Part Two. This film has everything: infomercial-grade bicycle cards, dead-light spider abs, And face-massage intimacy audits. If you love Cocoon-to-Cancun tourism, David-and-Goliath weapons upgrades, and...
-
448 - IT Part 1 (1990)
“We're living at the end of an empire, and we're just going to have to get through it. And thank God A24 is here to help.” This week’s scariest movie is... It Part One. This film has everything: trademarked clown faces, forehead-stabbing greaser bangs, And French hair bikinis. If you love…
more -
447 - The Monster Squad
“Dracula is the Ted Kaczynski of this movie. I'm sick of not saying it.” This week’s scariest movie is... The Monster Squad. This film has everything: vampire-based church outreach, Frenchie-wolf breathing problems, And copyright-compliant forehead bolts. If you love Swiper-grade bow theft, Town...
-
446 - Ghostwatch
“The problem is, there are too many pussies in the glory hole.” This week’s scariest movie is... Ghost Watch. This film has everything: manosphere bedroom logic, haunted throats, And infallible police witnesses. If you love cat-insulated council houses, Chekhov’s thermal cameras, and 1992...
-
445 - One cut of the Dead
“This should be a PSA for make weird shit with your friends.” This week’s scariest movie is... One Cut of the Dead. This film has everything: emergency houseplant compost, slap-induced awakenings, And Kubrick-level lunar commitment. If you love second-act title cards, vomit continuity, and...
-
444 - Creep 2
“Murderers can't be choosers.” This week's scariest movie is... Creep 2. This film has everything: erotic wolf cosplay, one-legged worm shaking, And trolley-problem morality. If you love serial-killer fridge art, wrong-face lockets, and nine-view existential crises, this episode's for you! Please...
-
443 - Lake Mungo
“Ma'am, what do you think your daughter looked like?” This week’s scariest movie is... Lake Mungo. This film has everything: paranormal water features, quarterly backyard photo reviews, And the world’s most committed dam enthusiast. If you love Jurassic Park forensics, July 6th conspiracies, and...
-
442 - Companion
“That’s the reason Jack Quaid named his Goo Goo doll Iris.” This week’s scariest movie is... Companion. This film has everything: robot breakups, Toaster Targeted victory speeches, And an LLM that can give you hand jibbers. If you love electric-corkscrew morality tales, premium meet-cute loot...
-
441 - Backrooms
“Too much labyrinth, not enough Bowie.” This week’s scariest movie is... Backrooms. This film has everything: Lightning Plumbers, Sappy Blood, and your uncle’s worst vacation shirt. If you love IKEA survival plans, out-of-network pirates, and Medieval Times thirst traps, this episode’s for you!...
-
440 - Obsession
“It’s kind of like an incel found a monkey’s paw.” This week’s scariest movie is... Obsession. This film has everything: Cinderblock cockblocking, post-traumatic stress dinners, And white-picket-fence lives built on questionably enchanted chemistry. If you love Calvin Klein horror fragrances,...
-
439 - Hell House LLC 2
“It’s clearly haunted. You dodged a bullet. Don’t chase that bullet down.” This week’s scariest movie is... Hell House LLC II: The Abaddon Hotel. This film has everything: hotel-fucking ghost hunters, rocket-scientist sex magic, And selectively enforced body-cam rules. If you love drop-ceiling...
-
438 - Independence Day
“Alien King George can go fuck yourself.” This week's scariest movie is... Independence Day. This film has everything: Fruitopia Breakthroughs, Dolphin Wives, And a movie so good there is No Way it's a Michael Bay Film. If you love 90s smoke shows, holy pigeon plot logic, and alien ship nipples,...
-
437 - Mars Attacks!
“We are not going to win against people who smoke nukes.” This week's scariest movie is... Mars Attacks! This film has everything: aggressive Martian accents, capitalist bike baskets, And cape-couture command structures. If you love failed cow barbecues, fully glazed donut prophets, and...
-
436 - Apollo 18
“Rocks are only hard if you're touching them.” This week's scariest movie is... Apollo 18. This film has everything: B-52 moon crabs, "landliens", And Lennart Ruth’s space steakhouse. If you love Party City strobe lights, moon-cavern Nazis, and cameras with first names, this episode's for you!...
-
435 - Life
“This is 40 minutes of story in a two hour bag.” This week’s scariest movie is... Life. This film has everything: terribly timed funerals, aliens in trucker hats, And a starfish Borg. If you love space claw machines, Goodnight Moon emergencies, and quadrupedal animal debates, this episode's for...
-
434 - No One Will Save You
“Have you heard the good news about Space Pope?" This week’s scariest movie is... No One Will Save You. This film has everything: nine-hat endings, tall gray nerds, And Raccoon and Fat Squirrel chaos. If you love memory noodles, miniature-town murder weapons, and UFOs with Cheesecake Factory menu...
-
433 - Alien: Resurrection
"This sets up that the alien universe has a space Pope." The Horror Virgin: This week's scariest movie is... Alien Resurrection. This film has everything: space’s least safe weapons program. Vengeful raccoon xenomorphs. And lava being asked to do ice’s job. If you love loose hybrids, Space Pope...
-
432 - Mother!
“Worst Danzig biopic ever.” This week’s scariest movie is... Mother! This film has everything: Another, another testament of Jesus Christ, Monkey Ghosts, And an anti-Jesus TED Talk. If you love Sunday School pamphlet subtlety, Sherwin-Williams therapy sessions, and Garden of Eden doorknob…
more -
431 - Constantine
"Battlefield Earth for Christians.” This week’s scariest movie is... Constantine. This film has everything: the would-be Nick Fury of the Christian Expanded Universe, John Constantine the Baptist, And your parents’ smug satisfaction. If you love holy brass knuckles, kitty-powered trips to hell…
more -
430 - Exhuma
“Did you just read me a recipe for snake oil?” This week's scariest movie is... Exhuma. This film has everything: three foxes in a trench coat, Pavlov’s chicken, And a demon so powerful even an atheist won’t open the coffin. If you love salt-smashing rituals, sweet-fish, and dirt sommeliers, this...
-
429 - Saint Maud
“She’s got those like, have you heard the good news eyes.” This week’s scariest movie is... Saint Maud. This film has everything: Maudie Sue vibes, red-bottom Skechers, And blood-atonement déjà vu. If you love Welsh roach gods, Coney Island confusion, and moon-charged holy water, this episode’s…
more -
428 - Anaconda
“He's going to treat you like a chalice.” This week's scariest movie is... Anaconda. This film has everything: Gingery Anna Jones, Serious Scooby Doo villains, And perfectly wrong movie decisions. If you love eagle-screaming snakes, monkey-blood bait buckets, and butt-powered vertical leaps, this...
-
427 - Primate
“There are two chimps inside me.” This week's scariest movie is... Primate. This film has everything: Mongoose Betrayals, capital-P prison sentences, And hero-chimp eulogies. If you love botched primate Googles, full-Congo speech pads, and Die Hard chimp energy, this episode's for you! Please...
-
426 - Tremors 2: Aftershocks
“I am ashamed of me being a person.” This week's scariest movie is... Tremors 2: Aftershocks. This film has everything: Precambrian nonsense, payroll-hole disappearances, And pre-dot-com theme-park scams. If you love Hot Topic hyenas, cheerleader-pyramid shriekers, and Andrea Bocelli Pegasus…
more -
425 - Predators
“They signed the waivers. Guys, I think we’re in the clear.” This week's scariest movie is... Predators. This film has everything: chaos-goblin fight energy, thumb-biting mandible math, And body-trap upgrades. If you love Amazon-warehouse predator logistics, Kirkland-brand bone temples, and...
-
424 - Clue
“If you were a singing telegram giving this much, you’ll be promoted to manager immediately.” This week’s scariest movie is... Clue. This film has everything: Mandela endings, dog-shit shoe checks, And body drops that only gets higher as the night progresses. If you love McCarthy-era blackmail…
more -
423 - Strange Harvest
“Don’t you want to be friends with Terry Apple?” This week’s scariest movie is... Strange Harvest. This film has everything: bargain-bin Mario Kart Characters, Dunder Mifflin homicide energy, And aggressively unnecessary voice distortion. If you love blood-bucket logistics, donut-shop dread, and…
more -
422 - Critters
“You don’t eat critter veal, you monster.” This week’s scariest movie is... Critters. This film has everything: plot-farming dads, after-hours church, And cozy Baron Harkonnen cosplay. If you love Johnny Steel world domination, interstellar leather jackets, and frat-boy space porcupines, this...
-
421 - Snakes on a Plane
“I can’t believe I’m about to say this. It’s a genius plan.” This week’s scariest movie is... Snakes on a Plane. This film has everything: Mouth razors, reheated snake leftovers, and a sequel pitch that’s destined to make some $$$. If you love Samuel L. Jackson heroics, deeply stupid criminal...
-
420 - The Final Destination
“Who produced this? The mob." This week’s scariest movie is... The Final Destination (2009). This film has everything: Hubcapped halved hillbillies, 4th floor hot tubs, and struggling to pay attention when someone is trauma dumping. If you love late-2000s CGI chaos, racetrack carnage, and a...
-
419 - 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple
“This is like, if Ron Hubbard walked outside to an alien abduction" This week’s scariest movie is... 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple. This film has everything: Wine Drunk Confessions, a clinical injection of Duran Duran, And a midnight appointment with the devil where nobody packed a fiddle. If…
more -
418 - Scary Movie 2
“Apparently a bunch of people make cock and ball necklaces now” This week’s scariest movie is... Scary Movie 2. This film has everything: A horny ghost hookup, dirty talk confessions, And Tori Spelling just GETTING IT from a ghost. If you love Exorcist parody chaos, Tim Curry in full…
more -
417 - Friday the 13th (Revisited)
"Dying under Kevin Bacon. There's got to be worse ways to go." This week’s scariest movie is... Friday the 13th. This film has everything: kitchen mugs getting burned, pregnant Purple mattresses, And Monopoly played in real time. If you love doom-prophet bike commutes, killer POV giveaways, and...
-
416 - Him
“He has the trigger discipline of someone who only got a $50,000 signing bonus" This week’s scariest movie is... Him. This film has everything: NFL-wife Gwyneth Paltrow energy, Poop Math, And a football movie that isn't for people that like football. If you love culty QB training camps, pigskin...
-
415 - Tales from the Hood
"It's like pre grave robbing. It's all the grave robbing. But no diggity" This week’s scariest movie is... Tales from the Hood. This film has everything: a Ded Talk, tiny little footsteps, And a drug dealer who won’t stop telling stories while you’re trying to buy weed. If you love fighting 50...
-
414 - The Long Walk (2025)
"I think you and I would get hosed down trying to walk up that fucking hill." This week’s scariest movie is... The Long Walk. This film has everything: Stebbins sneezes, out of context Spotify comments, And dropping duces at 3 MPH. If you love walking off warnings, Three Musketeers math, and...
-
413 - 28 Years Later
All you have to do is provide 90s rapper level bling and food." This week's scariest movie is... 28 Years Later. This film has everything: Edgar Allan Poe boys, the freshest skulls you'll ever see, And how one famous podcast sees himself. If you love Diet Coke tattoos, castle envy, and showcase...
-
412 - Bring Her Back
“I just wish it wasn’t the grapefruit method" This week's scariest movie is... Bring Her Back. This film has everything: a sexy and shirtless Jesus digging up the dead, a 10 year old that can't stop biting things, and just enough rules for Brian McKnight to write a hit about. If you love soul...
-
411 - Good Boy
"We named the dog Indy." This week's scariest movie is... Good Boy. This film has everything: Pausing for paws. WW1 pilots. And playing fetch till your arm falls off. If you love kibble noodle soup energy, top-billed dogs, and serious Courage the Cowardly Dog energy, this episode's for you!…
more -
410 - The Conjuring: Last Rites
"Worst. Criss. Angel. Magic trick. Ever." This week's scariest movie is... The Conjuring Last Rites. This film has everything: Egg Whites. Science Romeos. And Realty recommendations that you should not take. If you love Shakespeare-in-a-toolshed riffs, basement John Wayne portraits, and...
-
409 - Krampus (2015)
"Keep our hot cocoa hot and our ankles unclaimed." The Horror Virgin: This week's scariest movie is... Krampus. This film has everything: Snow Huluds,. Mouths agape, and proof the cocaine must just be amazing. If you love snowy nonsense wordplay, deadpan anatomy burns, and holiday hijinks, this...
-
408 - Hot Fuzz
“Olivia Colman, calm down.” This week's scariest movie is... Hot Fuzz. This film has everything: Ocular patdowns. A loose swan. And a the most charming bond to walk the earth. If you love buddy-cop bromance, murder-murder-murder chants, and suggestive headlines, this episode's for you! Please...
About this show
What’s your favorite scary movie? Are you a fanatic or a fraidy-cat? Either way, we’ve got you covered. Each week, horror fan Paige will take Horror Virgin Todd through the encyclopedia of horror one movie at a time. We’ll discuss classics as well as fan favorites, with the occasional new release thrown in for good measure. Mikey will make inappropriate jokes and Todd will scream like a little girl at every jump scare. It’s hilarious. Prepare yourself for spoilers, tangents, and lots of irreverent fun. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram at @HorrorVirgin
Hosted by
The Horror Virgin