The Lonely Stoner Chronicles

Send a textLife comes at you fast, then fucks you hard and slow. Yes. It's definitely a mouth full, but it's an accurate mouthful...I'm glad to be back. I missed talking shit to you all! I struggle with consistency, but I'm here for the time being.This episode partially explains some of my absence with a little bit of humour, and slight kink. TRIGGER WARNING THINGS WILL GET DARK! What I say can possibly trigger anyone with mental health issues in a very negative way. DO NOT PLAY YOURSELVES!

Send a textI've never met a big booty baddie I didn't like... 

Send a textThe best 3 minutes of your lives!

Send a textHey guys!!! In this episode I think I discover my toxic trait. Maybe.

Send a textPart of being an adult is learning how to stop playing yourself. I'm still working on that. I'll get it one day.

Send a textI am outraged at the level of disrespect people for cooking! The amount of reels and vids I've seen of HORRIBLE cooking is absolutely bonkers. I wasn't sure if I should publish this episode because it abruptly cuts off at the end. But it's so funny though. Well, at least I think it is. Let me know what you think.

Send a textI think the title speaks for itself. Fuck everyone involved, especially the enablers!

Send a textIf you've watched The Boyz this episode is for you! You and I all know how we feel about it. I wouldn't be one bit surprised if we've all come to the same conclusion as well. This will be fun.🙃😈

Send a textOk so my crush on Central Cee is finally over. He's got a girl and a kid. That kinda ruins the fantasy for me - it was fun while it lasted though. That by no means gives you young bucks out there permission to holla. I like my freedom.And you can take that however you want...

Send a textHey y'all!!! It's been forever and a day. Did u miss me? I missed u! I'm back and I'm better!!!... Kind of. OK so men - I just want to talk. I don't want any smoke. I'm simply speaking from my observations. NOT ALL OF U, but some of u are on some fuck shit, and I'm going to address it. If you're one of those "He-man woman haters" who gets offended easily by a woman saying something u don't like don't listen. Hell, if that's who u are I don't even know why the fuck u would listen to me in the first place.

Send a textI know it's not a crime to have a crush on someone younger than you, but anything under 30 feels a bit too young you get me? What do you think?

Send a textHey y'all! Just me keeping it all the way funky this Christmas. Love you all!Special thanks to every last one of my listeners. U guys are the best!

Send a textWho else besides me watches True Crime shows? Why does every guilty party look like they did whatever the fuck someone said they did? I'm not talking about mug shots either. I'm talking about the man, or woman, at the Christmas party that everyone said was, "just the sweetest person ever!"

Send a textSome crackhead piece of shit broke into my fuckin car! Ugh!!! Listen to this bullshit now...

Send a textFuck all of you sexy mother Fuckers!!! Kidding! I'm kidding... Or am I?

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Send a textMy bad guys. I totally forgot to upload these upcoming episodes. I hope you enjoy them!Please note that there won’t always be an episode description for every podcast. Mainly because I don’t want to write them. Also, a lot - well 90% of my material isn’t written down. I think it, I record it. Trying to put a description into words after that doesn’t always come out right. It seems forced and awkward.Thank you for understanding my stoner friends. 😊

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Send a textIf we stay waiting for the right time to do anything it will never happen. Do it ALL now! Within reason of course.

Send a textI nearly lost my damn car. Your girl was caught driving at racing speed. It was a doozy.

Send a textIdk… smh. Le sigh.

Send a text*** TRIGGER WARNING***This is another episode about shit. Everyone with weak constitutions please wait for another episode. Don’t play yourselves.

Send a textI’m talking a bag of shit about someone’s private parts while on shrooms… I should do shrooms more often. They’re great!

Send a textI’ve been away for far too long. I won’t let life get in the way like that again! I hope you all missed me as much as I missed you!!

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Send a textGuys!!! If you haven’t started watching these B,C, and D list movies you’re missing out big time!!! No but seriously… you’re missing out.

Send a textATTENTION!!!!All sandwich makers near and far. This is for you guys!

Send a textIt’s 2023… Yay!!! *insert unenthusiastic and highly sarcastic facial expression*New year’s for me starts on my birthday. This January 1st shit is for the birds. Let’s get this shit over then…

Send a textCelebrating my 72nd episode today!! Shoutout to all my listeners! I love you guys!!!

Send a textI’m all about women and girl power and shit, but some of you are fuckin annoying.  And if you keep acting up I’ll send my homies to take your man. Fuck around and find out.

Send a textThrow it all away. You’ll feel better… Seriously.

Send a text I swear if I didn't have bad luck I'd have no luck at all. Meh... I'm sure a month or so from now I can look back on this moment and laugh. Until then, I'm salty as FUCK. *Rolling my eyes, ashes spliff*

Send a textA short, but sweet episode of me questioning my own sanity.

Send a textA rant strictly for my ladies because... Why?

Send a textThis episode is pretty much a public service announcement. If any of my loved ones pass away I will NOT be letting certain people into the funeral ceremony. If you didn't fuck with my people in life I most certainly will NOT let you show up to fake fuck with them in death. Simple.

Send a textIt's me. I'm animals. Don't give me food unless you're trying to be my friend, or else you will have a stage 3 stalker on your hands. I'm in it for the food. That is all.

Send a textLet us mourn the passing of summer together. Except you summer everyday people. I say that with love, but still... You can come if you want. Just know that you're not really invited.

Send a textI swear I can't make this shit up. It's comical now.

Send a textShow hands, how many of you have been disrespected the IPhone camera? Let's talk about it.

Send a textThese homeless people who roam around, yelling at parked cars, or yelling at nothing altogether kinda fascinate me. I'm curious to know what kind of drugs they're on. 

Send a textI think the title is pretty self explanatory. If not I'm definitely talking shit as per usual, and it involves the queen. 

Send a textYo!... Fam... I can't even!! Ladies, I found a fuckin CHIN HAIR!!! AHHHH!!! What in the actual fuck is going on in this world?! Tell me I'm not alone, please.

Send a textThis is the first of many first, and possibly last, dates I'll be on since I've decided to come out of my bat cave to "put myself out there". *Insert suspicious face emoji* You all get to come along for the ride. The good, the bad, and the absolute bullshit  of it all. Welcome to the gong show! 

Send a textFirst and foremost. Men, this episode is not for you. Listen at your own risk if you want to, just know you've been warned. I got y'all on the next one. Promise!!!Ok now ladies... I KNOW I'm not the only one whose pussy is trying to play them hard body. Listen, and be fake angry with me about this bullshit! Lol!!

Send a textThis episode is strictly for the stoners who need space to vent and a word... If you are happy and in good spirits that's great! It's better than great actually, and I wish you all nothing but the best! This episode is for all of my stoner friends trying to pull themselves out the mud baybee! We're gonna be alright.P.S. Don't fret. I'll be back on my bullshit next episode. *wink*

Send a textMAAAH!!! MAAAAAAH!!!!?

Send a textLadies, is there some type of pheromone that our bodies only emit after 30 that brings the boys to the yard? I need to know because the amount of young 20 something mother fuckers approaching me lately is on the rise. And I'm not sure how I feel about it.

Send a textNo explanation, just listen.

Send a textHonestly... I love driving fast. Something about driving over the speed limit makes it a bit of a turn on, while also comforting the rage within.

Send a textI'm tryina be an entire mess in my old age. As long as I have all of my faculties I can't wait to be an old woman! Listen in to find out why.