The Minutes with Mel and Patience

The Co-Host of the QMAs 2019 get deep with their Mental Heath Updatez (particularly Patience, totally hogging the mic), first appearance from a 4 year old on air and a quick throw to Mel’s Brisbane Comedy Festival shows which start Tuesday March 12th 2019.

New Year, New Us? Single again? What is Patience’s dream Christmas menu? Mel’s alchemy: Pain = Content? Mel shares her no fail dip recipe. Looking for businesses to come pamper us on mic. The ‘no more barista guessing’ reusable coffee cup (unsponsored promo lol). A review of the 80c coffee. Patience mourns Southside. Government doesn’t need to know Mel’s business. Dollar coin baggies. Shout out to Pub Choir. Who else gets head zaps? Heartache. Life time love for Alana Skyring. And the Grates. Twenty Hate’een. End of year shit wrap ups.

Up on the shore they work all day, out in the sun they slave away, while we devoting, full time to Airtasker, understanding our mental heath, Apedo In The Bushes and listing off our many fancy ‘show sponsors’ (Mother Lover, Casey’s cupcakes, Clark Rubber, hoarded cardboard etc).

Hello darkness my old friend, I’ve come to sit with you again and talk about Airtasker, Separation From Spouses, The Grates Reunion Tour and Mental Health.

Mel and Patience catch up! Things are going great, until the tax man invited himself into the conversation but don't worry, they soon dig themselves out of their crippling tax migraines and finish the show arm in arm. Awwwww.

If you’re our parents GO AWAY because we are talking about s e x and we don’t want you listening. If you are bad at sex or prematurely ejaculate, hell, this is the podcast for you. Oh, we also have a special guest, Steven Childs. Yeah, it’s pretty cool. That’s mostly all we talk about so I’m just going to promote all the things we have got going on outside this wonderful podcast! See Mel at the Melbourne Town Hall with her new show Up To Pussy’s Bow March 24th to April 3rd. Visit Steven at stevenchilds.com.au and go buy something from Southside Tea Room, Red Robin Supper Truck or Death Valley as a way to keep Patience and John out of centrelink ha ha ha

Almost a year on and there's still drama unfolding for both your protagonists. Did Mel avoid those parking fines? Who ruined Christmas Eve for Patience and John? Plus more intimate details of the lives of Mel and Patience.

Blocked milk ducts, vibrators, cabbages. Mel talks Maggie Beer(s) and The Great Australian Bake Off. Patience did a show with The Grates in Bundaberg. We discuss walking for anxiety.

Mel is home from the NYC! Patience is hated on and they pull a pretty swift, if not weird, trick on her and John. Baby Soda makes a cry. Other stuff too.

So it’s been a while! Patience’s third trimester of pregnancy has been and gone and she talks about her experience giving birth with Mel!

Pae and Mel have so much to catch up on. Patience radio pole. Ethyn’s life plan at 16. Katy Perry. Flying 29 weeks pregnant. Southside Tea Room expanding. Dream Team album making! Mel’s cyst. I’ll be there for you… when the rain starts to fall, I’ll be there for you, cos you’re there for me too. hashtag friends

Mel blows up about a night out gone half wrong which leads to a talk about service recovery paradox. Patience talks a little bit about pregnancy but not much has been going so, no news there. There’s a murder at Mel’s house. Mel feels more and more like a Southsider everyday. Patience's Mum has some name suggestions for her future whelp.

Patience and Mel, back in the proverbial podcast saddle. With mascot dog Todd, close by. Pregnancy talk. Yeah, you heard it, Patience is pregnant. Mel does a top shelf impersonation of every American podcast she’s ever listened to. Will you help us put together a ‘pro-natal’ for You’re Welcome?

Mel brings over her new baby girl Ruby (she’s like our silent unofficial 3rd host). Splendour In The Grass wrap up. Who was where, who saw what and where did Mel sleep? Patience had pixilated vision for the first time in her life. The girls have stuff coming up: this Saturday for Pae and somewhere in N.T. very soon for Mel.

Patience blew up at a Roma Street Parklands security guard on John's birthday. Mel's new segment 'How Does That Work?' covers refrigerated trucks. Patience got her hair did for free at Carindale. Watch out there's bad guys about Pae got a letter from the police.

What happened to the last 6 months? It’s an episode of reflection and buffalo wing revelations. Patience went to America. Mel went to all the comedy festivals. Did someone buy a dog? Does said dog like Barry Buttle? Thoughts on Fiji’s international airport. Lots of love! See you at Splendour In The Grass? Like, yeah.

Patience goes to a concert at the swampy, Brisbane Entertainment Centre. Who did she see? Mel lived her life for a week. Patience watched someone creepily from a bush, then wrote a sad song about the experience. Mel might have what it takes to fire a staff member without guilt. Fashion. FARRRSHUN baby.

The gals welcome one another. iPad games crisis. The Go Violets. Emergency hospital situations with silver linings. Maggie Beers. Zombies *swoon*. Vacuum robot pet. A You're Welcome emergency edition from... You'd never believe!

A huge catch up for the ladies Mel and Pae. Pae talks a lot, Mel listens with the ears of a good friend. Pae explains a trailer then Mel gives her fantasy trailer which is so moving Pae sheds a single tear.

Pae and Mel are back together! Barry Buttle collects trash and treasure on his motivated emu walks by the road. Patience is grosses police out with a piss pants customer. Mel likes horses and wants to rock horse wear as her everyday wardrobe. And much more, of course.

It's fate! After months of abandoned air, the golden girls Mel and patience want to thank you for being a friend! Mel got a job writing for This Week Live, up and moving suddenly to Melbourne, while Patience helps run Southside and tries to re-home 'fugly' ornaments permanently to letterboxes. Special guest Lanie Lane rested briefly with your two favourite host. Public transport and shorts are significant themes for discussion.

Welcome. Shroom success. Why Barry Buttle eats porridge everyday (like, for real guys). MelDonalds. Zines! Citrus from parents, and how childhood relates to said citrus. Does 'eyes covered for adults only content' delay puberty? Gossip and The Great Gatsby.

Allergies. Sometimes a talk about allergies ends in a talk about colonic irrigation... which passes smoothly (see what we did there?!) into Patience ranting about mushrooms, and how they can save the earth. Which triggers Mel to remember a recent rant from her dad Barry Buttle. Then they talk about a play. How wonderful.

Mel returns to the best air in the country. Celebrity Splash! Patience is reading a hip vampire novel series at night while Mel is waking up daily before sunrise. A letter from a listener who is a Psycologist. Meds and heads. Mel wins an award. Barry's lead news story and Barry's downhill cycling tips.

Mel's on tour so it's 'Sea Puppies' with John and Patience! Cavalia, geldings, a Gold Coast Buck's Party arrest and braces. Good clean fun guys.

Recorded live at the Brisbane Powerhouse 10th March 2013. With special guest Barry Buttle and music by Seja.

Mel and Patience open up about recent medical choices. Patience was at the wrong end of a swindle. Mel lets rip with body talk.

First Minutes back! Mel and Patience talk New Years Resolutions! Patience is involved in an embarrassing sing along. Barry Buttle cuts a rug and get generous on the train trip home. Mel had a share house experience. To pee or not to pee... In a cup.

The Wedding Cast Part Two - The Honeymoon starts at the hotel. The Patterson Report. Island Characters. Long time listener, first time skinny dipper. P and J the early years.

The Wedding Part One. Christmas card from a cricketer. Christmas cards for Barry. Wedding Talk (do you know how hard it is to get a dolphin into a tuxedo?!). To Be Continued...

The 'Nite' Minutes! Sharks the size of rulers. Sharks in fridges. Patience Big Brother dream team. What would the gals wear if they met Maggie Beer(s). Mallory gets out and about. Yelp at Southside.

Sea Puppies? What the heck is that? Something to do with a guest podcaster. Scab Gobbler. Dog Vomit Slime Mould.

Mel and Patience bask in the glow of their successful Live Sydney show, and all of the treats they received from fans IRL! Gum Pranks! Landlines and talking on the phone as a teenager. Mel opens up about her evening supporting Aziz Ansari at QPac. Patience talks Wedding Invites and her desire to watch Wedding Films. Mel's Yelp News. Barry Buttle and theatre. Aggressive dating with Shallaine and after gig rituals.

Recorded Live at The Factory Theatre as part of Sydney's Fringe Festival. Mel and Patience get some very special guest help from Mr. Ben Lee with their Dream Porns and Toe Jam, a play Patience wrote in High School. They also cover a few You're Welcome questions and talk of their experiences in Sydney.

1 year of The Minutes, recognise! Patience eats her emotions then Mel helps her name and shame her feelings. Mel has layed eggs. Tales of upbringing. Patience attended the Brisbane Lions final game. Special guest John Patterson tells of his department store drama. Mel has an incredible idea and an incredible letter for Maggie Beer(s). Special reward/announcement/tease!

Television! Here Comes Honey Boo Boo and a discussion involving many of TVs best B Grade shows. Q Music Awards, The Grates attend and win! Mel's debate night Single Vs Married. What's your Honey Boo Boo name? Who's been secretly in love this whole time? Pom Poms = love. Bob Trigg should have his own reality TV show around his sausage business.

Patience and Mel practice for their upcoming live show on twitter user @van_helen. Patience rides on a Puke Bus. Melinda reveals a food related bombshell. The Brisbane Ekka starts today, the ladies discuss, reflect and give tips. Patience saw a stand up comedy show. Melinda reveals another bombshell, a yelp bombshell (watch out @memily) Patience has a PSA. Mel impersonates some old people she is related to.

Special Guest: Comedian Cal Wilson! Patience got a book to help curb her extreme collecting habits. Breakfast and non-breakfast foods and the eating of non-breakfast foods for breakfast. Cal reveals her colourful parenting tips. Has Mel exposed Patience as a vegetable cake fraud? The ladies signature dishes. The Shoe Museum. Cal's 2 fight stories! Private reading time, ladies. Mel and Patience revisit their dream porn films. Mel gets hot over lisps. Cal is amazing at lisps. Patience's washing up break down. Cal shares a share house story. Cal does sit-down comedy on a cruise.

Why would you leave paradise to go and eat mince meat? Let's talk The Drive In. #LikeaNurse you heard it here first! Cos neither Mel nor Pae want to party #LikeaBoss. At a The Minutes official outting to a certified Yelp event, Mel comes face to face with a her Memisis, do you mean Nemesis? No. What do eggs taste like? Well don't bother asking Mel cos she's in a food coma with a swollen tongue. Pae braves IKEA alone on school holidays. Mel buys a new computer but shames herself when she surrenders her embarrassing password. Buttle's late night public transport break down fuels her to holiday on which island? Barbara, Raven's 21st and the best DJ in the world.

Patience and Mel are done with Siri and her attitude problem. Barry has had an item seized by customs. What's Barry's item?? Mel's fuming over her $3.18 Clem 7 fine. Mel and Raven suffer from severe accidental naps. The Grates have adopted a one eyed cat (for a bargain!). She needs a name guys! It's up to you. Patience grieves the late great Mrs Eyeball. Carly Ray Jepson - she's about courtship, not penetration. Patience has met a fake mexican AND a murderer in Wynnum. Mel dissects a 5 year old Maggie Beer newsletter.

The girls have both been cray busy. Patience met an 84 year old lady and they share a common hero. The gals fantasise Costa from Gardening Australia. Patience has a new man in her life R-O-Y. Mel the self appointed fun police and weekend safety officer. We have a new Dad to bring to the fold. More of Patience's verbal flaws. Barry or Patience? Who can tell crazy from crazy?

Patience has a cold. Hand washing. Eczema. Mel’s party survival tips. Patience longs for New York. Laundry. Patience is on her grind. You have to wear pants. Mel has mellowed. Patience has Buttled. Mel has been pickling vegetables. Hakuna Matata Home Brand Jars. Accepting gifts and compliments. Our mum’s are best friends in the making. Role Play! Opera House Logistics. Patience has a fight story. Mel went on a stakeout. Mel accidently saw a drug deal. Patience loves Gardening Australia. Mel prefers indie bakeries. Fish and chip shops have sold out. Mel and Patience want a rural adventure.

Patience has big Mrs Eyeball News. Thank you for being a vet. Mel’s been on tour by herself. Patience is a Fun Gal/ Fungal. Mel 0 Housekeeping 1. Is being backstage fun? Patience announces her new big project! Customer service hints and tips. Mel vomited at Sizzler. Patience and Mel may or may not have urinated, where they may or may not have been allowed to. Patience saw the Lion King at the cinema. We enjoy all you can eat environments. Mel ate at Pie Face. It's Patience's Birthday soon!

Mel doesn’t like Weet Bix. Patience had a jazz ballet emergency, Terry saved the day. Mel did gymnastics. Patience has two secret projects, she can’t talk about them. Dog sitting part two, Mel told a lie and got caught. Patience is on a dairy bender. Mel is on a Friday Night Lights Bender. Patience has played ballsports. We reveal our dream guests. Patience updates us on her elderly neighbor Eileen. Interhouse memories. Mel only wagged school once. Stolen Hymnbooks.

Mel house sat a Golden Retriever. Patience solves smelly feet. Mel has allergies. Patience thinks we should go to a new fancy restaurant. Mel went side of stage at Sizzler. When parents help, Sylvia and Christine get involved in our lives. Mrs Eyeball news. Patience met a runaway boy in New York. Mel is having issues with people at her work. Patience gets organic vegetables delivered to her house. Patience met some rich ladies and some Wynnum ladies.

We go through our to do list and tie up some loose ends. What’s happening with ToeJam? Tick. Mel finishes off a story from episode 12 about some sexing she overheard. Tick! Mel and Patience had a sleepover at Macleay Island, what happened on The Minutes Island Getaway? Tick. Mel has a new fight story. Tick. Mrs Eyeball news and eye related developments. Tick. Patience got Mel a present and delivered it live on air. Tick. Things parents like to buy. Tick. Mel bought snacks from a bakery Patience worked at in the old days. Tick. Patience hated working at a Mexican restaurant. Tick. Mel had a panic attack at first job. Tick.

Patience played some loose uni shows. Playing it dumb with Bob Trigg. Come and get me at 8.29pm. Mel saw The Black Lips. No c*nts on stage, that includes you Mel. Special guest Alex Dyson from Triple J! We talk radio tips with Alex Dyson. Dried fruit. Alex Dyson invented his own video game. What’s in Alex Dyson’s spaghetti bolognaise? Patience washes her clothes with nuts. Alex Dyson tells us a crèche fight story. Alex Dyson got punched in the stomach. Alex Dyson’s Dad apprehended a pickpocket in France. Patience witnessed a bike theft. Mel saw someone steal a drink.

We don’t know much about the news. A word from our sponsor, moist towelettes. Patience is really into meditation. Patience wrote to her gym about a problem. Mel hides TV channels from her parents. Facebook drama. Mel had a bible camp next door to her house. We have some work experience for Tyler from Teen Mom. Patience cleaned a wall. Songs about cats. Mel emailed Sizzler. Special Guests Comedians Henry Stone and Damien Power from Skills in Time. The boys tell us fight stories.

Zoot Review, a word from our sponsor Mrs Eyeball. How to sound old. Mel met Terry Hodgson. Patience has seen American TV. Advice from Barry Buttle. Small talk with special guest Lanie Lane. High school fight story. Under age bar visits. Patience did a liquor licence course. Headless mouse drunk. Mel and Patience have both embarrassed themselves in Canberra. Horses. We meet ‘Vicky’ Lanie Lane’s inner moll. Lanie recorded a song with Jack White.

Primary School Stories! Mel buried a biscuit in the playground. Patience changed schools after cracking it at the principal. Mel worked at vacation care at a primary school, surprises can be scary for some kids. Both our Dad's ran child safety seminars with us. Mel had a friend over in primary school; the grass was never the same. Patience went to a friend's house and overheard the parents having a sex argument. Mrs Eyeball update. Barry Buttle had a fight on the streets of Melbourne. Special guest Kate Cooper from An Horse! Kate tells us a fight story and what it was like performing on Letterman. Seja Vogel from Regurgitator drops in for a surprise visit! Mel shows off her year 9 German.