PODCAST · fiction
The Offensive
by Stak
An award-winning, critically acclaimed mockumentary podcast that follows fictional Premier League club Ashwood City FC. 'The Thick of it meets Fifa career mode - a must listen for football fans' - The Guardian 'Ultra-sharp satire' - GQ This podcast is a serial, begin at Episode 1. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Episodes
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Introducing... BOOM Season Two | Out now
The creators of The Offensive are back with Season Two of their groundbreaking audio drama, BOOM. The first two episodes are out now, with new episodes released every Monday. Search 'BOOM' in your podcast app and subscribe. And if you want to get the whole series straightaway, for the first time...
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Bonus: Episode 189 - Thanks for Listening
Behind the scenes for The Offensive finale. patreon.com/ashwoodcity Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Episode 188 - The Final Finale: Part 2
The fate of the club and its staff hang in the balance as 5 years of mismanagement and greed come home to roost. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall John Brannoch as Colin Walsh Joel Emery as Dan Watson Matthew Malthouse as Tom Beattie...
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Episode 187 - The Final Finale: Part 1
Having been relegated from the Premier League, the season's proceedings come to a close. Including an outstanding Court of Appeal appearance for Sir Patrick Nolan and Ashwood City FC. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Matthew Malthouse...
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Episode 186 - Full Time
Matchday 38 and just 90 minutes of football remain in the 2022/23 Premier League season as Ashwood City throw everything at survival. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall John Brannoch as Colin Walsh Joel Emery as Dan Watson As…
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Episode 185 - Everton v Ashwood City
It's Matchday 37 in the Premier League and we join Peter Reynolds and Billy Richards for Everton v Ashwood City at Goodison Park. Voices by: Joel Emery Episode written by: Joel Emery Executive Producer: Joel Emery With thanks to: The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders...
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Episode 184 - Council Culture
Off the back of a 4-0 defeat to Manchester United, Ashwood City need a result on the pitch. Meanwhile, a decision by a local magistrate gives them a result off the pitch. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall John Brannoch as Colin Walsh...
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Episode 183 - Hove is where the Heart is
As the financial cuts deepen, Ashwood City are barely keeping the league form together at the most important stage of the season. Chief-Executive Jess Tate and Chairman Sir Patrick Nolan finally discuss the fallout from administration. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate…
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Episode 182 - All The Manager's Men
In the grips of a brutal CVA, further cuts are made and this time the coaching staff are targeted. Sporting Director Chris 'Woody' Woodall looks to offer a beleaguered Dan Watson all the help he can during a wobble in form as Patrick Nolan continues to distance himself from the crisis. Paul…
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Episode 181 - Risen from the Zoom
Ashwood City travel to The Emirates Stadium on Easter Weekend. Club Chairman Sir Patrick Nolan informs Chris 'Woody' Woodall and Colin Walsh of his Zoom meeting with the local council. Meanwhile, Administrator Tom Beattie has completed his dreaded 'Black Folder'. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan...
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Episode 180 - Uncivil War
Ashwood City clash with the local council over who's to blame for the collapse of the iBET stand. Meanwhile, Club Chairman Sir Patrick Nolan makes a momentous call on the club's future. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Matthew…
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Episode 179 - The Stand Before Time
Ashwood City Football Club are hit by the news that the fabled iBET Stand has collapsed. The club hierarchy and local council clash over who's to blame. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Joel Emery as Dan Watson Additional Voices…
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Episode 178 - Stranger than Fantasy
As the football world reacts to the BBC's treatment of Gary Lineker, Ashwood City have a social media issue of their own Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Joel Emery as Dan Watson Luke Stevenson as Gareth McAskill Additional Voices: Joel Emery Adam Jarrell…
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Episode 177 - The Great Escape
Stuck in traffic after the second leg of The Champions Fixture against PSG; Ashwood City Chief Executive Jess Tate questions Chairman Sir Patrick Nolan about rumours surrounding the future of the football club. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris…
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Episode 176 - Blind Tate
Ashwood City Chief Executive Jess Tate spends her 'day off' visiting both her doctor and an old acquaintance, who may know more about the future of the club than Jess does. Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Joel Emery as Dan Watson Lauren Ingram as Fiona Weed...
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Episode 175 - Nude Awakening
A day in the life of Ashwood City is interrupted by a protestor, who aims his fury at Club Chairman Sir Patrick Nolan. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Additional Voices: Joel Emery Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited…
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Episode 174 - Live and Let Liverpool
Liverpool FC are in town as Ashwood CIty play their first home game since the catastrophic transfer window. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall John Brannoch as Colin Walsh Joel Emery as Dan Watson Additional Voices: Joel Emery Adam...
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Episode 173 - London Calling
After a brutal transfer window, Sir Patrick Nolan heads to the City of London to seek new money from old friends. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Thomas Mitchells as Simon Napier-Fox Adam Jarrell as Chris Well Additional Voices: Joel Emery Nalan Burgess Jennifer Tierney Episode written by: Joel…
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Episode 172 - Deadline Day: Part 2
A seismic day in the history of Ashwood City Football Club has arrived as the severe financial crisis, internal disputes, player disharmony and firesale of key team members comes to a head on a tumultuous Deadline Day. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as…
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Episode 171 - Deadline Day: Part 1
The departure of Brazilian striker Kevin brings about yet more protests at The Credit Master Stadium. Despite a decent run of form in the league, the Ashwood CIty hierarchy find themselves locked in the offices, for their own safety. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam...
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Episode 170 - Woody's Roundup
Ashwood City Chief Executive Chris 'Woody' Woodall goes back to his roots on a scouting mission to recruit an up-and-coming player for the January transfer window. All voices by Adam Jarrell Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Adam Jarrell Directed by: Adam Jarrell Executive Producer: Joel...
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Episode 169 - Mixing Business with Pleasure (Beach)
Ashwood City take on SkyBet Championship side Blackpool in the Third Round of the FA Cup. Before the game, Chief Executive Chris 'Woody' Woodall takes Club Chairman Patrick Nolan to Blackpool Pleasure Beach. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Joel Emery as Dan...
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Episode 168 - Super Trooper
A new year, and a new beginning for Ashwood City, as the second Dan Watson era gets underway with a visit from fellow Premier League strugglers Everton. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Joel Emery as Dan Watson Ant McGinley as David...
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Episode 167 - The Christmas Special One V
Merry Christmas from all of us here at Ashwood City. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall John Brannoch as Colin Walsh Christopher Swift as Reuben Thomas Thomas Mitchells as Theo Clinton Ant McGinley as David Hall Adam Jarrell as Kieran...
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Episode 166 - The Damned Re-United: Part 2
As the Premier League fixtures wrap up before the World Cup break, Ashwood City owner Patrick Nolan is still trying to secure the services of Mauricio Pochettino. Meanwhile, the players await their international call-ups, and the club bids farewell to Chief Player Liaison Officer, Theo Clinton.…
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Episode 165 - The Damned Re-United: Part 1
The World Cup break approaches and Ashwood City desperately needs a new manager to take the reins during the much needed downtime. Chris 'Woody' Woodall and Colin Walsh get to work with their array of scouting talent, Patrick however is distracted by an old acquaintance. Paul Waggott as Patrick...
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Episode 164 - Smit Happens
Unfortunate news regarding Head Coach Eric Van Smit forces the club to make a decision. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Allon Sylvain as Eric Van Smit Acushla-Tara Kupe as Dr Rachel Webber Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by…
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Episode 163 - Grand Pricks
Ashwood City Chairman Patrick Nolan M.B.E and Chief Executive Chris 'Woody' Woodall fly to Austin, Texas, to enjoy the US F1 Grand Prix. But the situation surrounding Club Doctor Rachel Webber provides an unwanted distraction from the day's events for Patrick Nolan. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan...
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Episode 162 - Universally Challenged
During a dull Premier League fixture away to Chelsea, Ashwood CIty Chairman Patrick Nolan is offered a role within His Majesty's Government that could potentially allow him to gain the respect he so desperately desires. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as…
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Episode 161 - Flaw and Order
Senior management at Ashwood City attend a pre-hearing for the legal clash with Arsenal Football Club, as the fallout from the final day of the 2021/22 season continues to engulf the club in financial and legal turmoil... Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as...
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Episode 160 - Name and Shame
For the first time in its history, the Ashwood City Stadium has changed its name courtesy of a new revenue stream secured by Chairman Patrick Nolan MBE. The fallout from this momentous chapter in the club's history is hostile, to say the least. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess...
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Episode 159 - Lever Pitch: Part Two
It's the day of the funeral for Queen Elizabeth II. In a momentous occasion for both the club and country, an opportunistic Patrick Nolan decides to showcase Dartley Park to a potential buyer. The Offensive will return after the International Break. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Thomas Mitchells…
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Episode 158 - Lever Pitch: Part One
It's a momentous day in Ashwood City's history as they travel to the Nou Camp to take on Barcelona in the UEFA Champions League... The historic occasion is somewhat spoiled by a deepening financial crisis at the club. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris...
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Episode 157 - Toon Can Play At That Game
Ashwood City are the visitors at St James' Park in a must-win game for the Super Whites. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall & Kieran Broom John Brannoch as Colin Walsh Thomas Mitchells as Theo Clinton Additional Voices: Joel Emery Adam...
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Episode 156 - Deadline Day
League form has never been worse, their Head Coach has finally been charged by the police and a multitude of other crises emerge... Ashwood City are feeling the heat as Deadline Day approaches. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall John...
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Episode 155 - A New Leaf
Ashwood City Chairman Patrick Nolan and CEO Chris 'Woody' Woodall enjoy the facilities of Broadley Country Club. All is not as it seems, however, as Patrick confides in his Chief Executive. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited…
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Episode 154 - Apportunity Knocks
Ashwood staff are impressed with the delivery of a summer project by the new Ashwood City Chief Executive Officer. An envious Patrick Nolan sets out to undermine all the hard work done by Chris 'Woody' Woodall and the rest of the club. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody'...
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Episode 153 - 2022/2023 SEASON: The Nolan Era
Premier League football returns as Ashwood City host Fulham at Dartley Park. Chairman Patrick Nolan M.B.E is eager to kick off the new era with a bang, whilst newly appointed C.E.O Chris 'Woody' Woodall concentrates on cleaning the mess left by Head Coach Eric Van Smit's antics at the end of last...
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Introducing... BOOM Season One | Out now
The makers of The Offensive are here to introduce you to their groundbreaking new drama, BOOM, starring Akie Kotabe, Sharon D. Clarke MBE and Omari Douglas. This is Episode 1, just search ‘BOOM’ wherever you get your podcasts to get all six episodes of Season One now! Hosted on Acast. See...
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Episode 152 - Finale: Part 2
Ashwood City are leading 2-1 in a game they simply must win. Yet with just 15 minutes remaining they've been caught on the break with no one back to cover... Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Christopher Swift as Reuben Thomas Thomas...
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Episode 151 - Finale: Part 1
Ashwood City head into their final game of the 2021/22 season: a home tie against relegation battlers Leeds United. With a win Ashwood City would seal Champions League qualification for the first time in a generation. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Helena...
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Episode 150 - All Good Things Come To A Friend
Patrick Nolan MBE has secured full ownership of the club as Ashwood City thrash Norwich and set up a tantalising final pair of fixtures against Brighton and Leeds. The new takeover however has a final few tweaks to the personnel before completion. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Adam Jarrell as…
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Episode 149 - Bid Adieu
Anaheim Sports Group are finalising the sale of 55% of Ashwood City to Chief-Executive Patrick Nolan, making him the outright owner of the club. As well as Anaheim Sports Group, Manchester City are also in town as Ashwood look to remain in the race for Champions League qualification. Paul Waggott...
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Episode 148 - Manic Room
After a demoralising defeat to Everton at Goodison Park, the Ashwood City juggernaut has stalled... But the headlines are dominated by an offer from Patrick Nolan to purchase the rest of the club and the news has hit the fanbase hard. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody'...
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Episode 147 - Sun's Out, Funds Out
Chief Executive Patrick Nolan MBE is enjoying a well-earned break in the Seychelles. Little does he know that a seismic decision Stateside will cut his trip short. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Helena Doughty as Jess Tate Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited...
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Episode 146 - Force Mature
Ashwood City have rediscovered their form at the right time in the season. Next up, fellow sanctioned Premier League side Chelsea FC. Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall John Brannoch as Colin Walsh Thomas Mitchells as Theo Clinton Helena Doughty as Jess Tate…
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Episode 145 - Business As Unusual
Premier League football returns, as does a familiar face to Ashwood City Football Club... Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Christopher Swift as Reuben Thomas Thomas Mitchells as Theo Clinton Episode written by: Joel Emery Edited by: Joel Emery Directed by: Adam...
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Introducing... Jackie the Ripper Season Two | Out Monday 28th March
From the creators of The Offensive. The chart-topping comedy drama retelling the Whitechapel murders returns for a second series. Search ‘Jackie the Ripper’ wherever you get your podcasts to catch up on season one now and follow @JackieRipperPod on Twitter. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy...
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Episode 144 - From Russia with Love
An unprecedented sanction has hit Ashwood City Football Club following the exposure of Chief-Executive Patrick Nolan's links to problematic Russian investment. With tight restrictions and panic setting in, Patrick must ensure he can get the UK government to ease the ruling. Paul Waggott as…
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Episode 143 - Anger Management
A humbling 3-0 defeat at West Ham prompts Sporting Director Chris 'Woody' Woodall to review the game in the analysis room. Interim Head Coaches Chris Well, David Hall and the entire first team squad are in attendance for the match review. Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall Paul Waggott as...
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
An award-winning, critically acclaimed mockumentary podcast that follows fictional Premier League club Ashwood City FC.
'The Thick of it meets Fifa career mode - a must listen for football fans' - The Guardian
'Ultra-sharp satire' - GQ
This podcast is a serial, begin at Episode 1.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
HOSTED BY
Stak
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does The Offensive have?
The Offensive currently has 193 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is The Offensive about?
An award-winning, critically acclaimed mockumentary podcast that follows fictional Premier League club Ashwood City FC. 'The Thick of it meets Fifa career mode - a must listen for football fans' - The Guardian 'Ultra-sharp satire' - GQ This podcast is a serial, begin at Episode 1. Hosted on Acast....
How often does The Offensive release new episodes?
The Offensive publishes regularly with 193 episodes available. Check the episode list for the typical release schedule.
Where can I listen to The Offensive?
You can listen to The Offensive on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts The Offensive?
The Offensive is created and hosted by Stak.
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