The Phoney & Call-y Podcast
by All Things Comedy
Tony and Johnny are the best of friends…but they live on separate coasts! Luckily, they’ve been able to keep their long-distance relationship fresh and vital through frequent, soul-nourishing phone conversations. The Phoney & Call-y Show presents these phone calls to you: the lonely idiot, to delight in an entertaining blend of banter, introspection, bickering, and improv bits!**However, this podcast is not to be life-affirming, at all. Any relatable honesty Tony & Johnny display is purely for their own, therapeutic benefit. It’s not for you to feel better about your own life. That’s not what this is.
Episodes
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Episode 54: The Longest Dial Tone
You heard right, Pho-Cal Heads. This old pod is movin’ on to quieter, less-audible pastures. It’s proven too much for Johnny’s delicate system, and he’s told Tony at the worst possible time! Johnny apologizes. Tony accepts. Even with its somber tones, this episode does not lack a description of...
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Episode 53: Panthro’s Worth
We start with some real, nice energy and momentum. The babies sing a little. Then it all hits a brick wall when Johnny holds forth on his ramen lunch. Who cares, Johnny?! Tony talks about his booster experience, which yes includes anal gel! Which I think has been discussed in like four or five...
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Episode 52: Does He Seem Stupider? (with guest Naomi Ekperigin)
Johnny has gotten the new COVID booster. And it has provided him with firsthand knowledge of the mysterious “anal gel” that Tony is always talking about. Tony feels vindicated. Johnny feels dirty. They discuss Tony’s recent health ordeal, his ongoing battle with his live-in insects, and there’s...
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Episode 51: No Fear (with guest Gil Ozeri)
The boys are ready to record. There’s only one problem…they don’t have a guest! They happen to be chatting with pod-fav Gil Ozeri, and they think, “Why don’t we muscle him into being a guest again?” So they do! They rope him into recording, last minute, and blow a big hole into the middle of his...
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Episode 50: Eggs on the Weekend (with guest Jeff Hiller)
O momentous day! It’s the 50th episode!!! And guess what? It’s never mentioned once. The hosts forgot! Luckily, they do remember to talk about their massive shits and whether it’s okay to touch squirrels. Oh, and Johnny’s new duvet cover has arrived…if anyone’s still interested in that plotline....
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Episode 49: Hot Hospital Content (with guest Rob Stern)
Wee oo wee ooo! It’s a medical emergency! John’s father is in the hospital, and that means two things: The boys are very concerned, OBVIOUSLY. And Tony has to say “I’m very sorry” to Johnny, in a sincere and solemn tone. Johnny laps it up! Then comedian, podcaster, and John’s-cousin Rob Stern…
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Episode 48: A Wipe-the-Slate Moment (with guest Andy Daly)
The boys begin with some clutch accent work, then get into what good drivers they think they are. Listeners are encouraged to take a thorough self-inventory and decide whether or not they are a shitty driver. Johnny brings up his shredded comforter, believing the topic will be interesting. Tony...
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Episode 47: Communications (with guests Shelby Wolstein & EJ Marcus)
Tony is glistening. He’s comfortable to let Johnny believe it’s sweat from his toils, but really he’s just gotten out of the shower! Johnny is behind on his Zoom updates and makes some brilliant observations about the usage of multiple decimal points in software versions. Then, in a 2nd Fourway...
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Episode 46: The Trenches (with guest James Adomian)
It’s hot! Should Tony leave his air conditioner running? Dare he? What are the implications for the audio quality of the podcast? The answer MAY surprise you! The show For All Mankind is discussed, and Tony’s telepathic connection to his own feces appears to be growing stronger. When prolific...
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Episode 45: Organized Curiosity (with guest Larry Atamanuik)
The pod’s abuzz because Anthony’s dad Larry is coming on today, and his tech specs need to be juuuuust right! Tony is rankled that it’s not societally acceptable for men to wear makeup. We get the sense that the boys think there’s something controversial about this topic, but we’re not quite sure...
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Episode 44: Miliani’s Game (with guest Emily Strachan)
We open on a hot, desert soundscape. Heat waves undulate off the baking asphalt. The driving roadhouse rock swells, as a leather-clad dog enters frame. Now that’s how you start a podcast! After they settle down, the laddies jaw about how satisfying it is to return from a trip to find a nice...
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Episode 43: A Waste of Time (with guest Mark Proksch)
There’s some disagreement between the two schmucks about whether or not they need to formally greet one another, at the top of the pod. They clearly both want to say “hello,” however. And so they do. Johnny fills Tony in on his recent air travel woes. And Tony is enraged on his behalf. Then, the...
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Episode 42: The Mini-Soda Twins
Another breezy, guest-less episode begins with a classic jump-scare! Even more frightening, Johnny is not running the latest version of Zoom! Thankfully Tony is. Unfortunately, he’s been attacked by spiders, in the night! He shows Johnny his pimply ass, as proof. They reminisce about the old HBO...
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Episode 41: Manets on Everything (with guests Mary Holland & Dan Klein)
It’s a beautiful day out! After struggling to describe it, Tony admits to a near-total ignorance of visual artists. This throws the guys into a confidence tailspin, realizing they are experts in nothing. Then Mary Holland & Dan Klein squeeze in for a dual interview! Or what is commonly called a...
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Episode 40: Pup Detectives?! (with guest Geoff Garlock)
It’s too much nipple talk for Tony! Also, Tony has been the recipient of multiple birthday gifts from Johnny. But is Johnny really the magnificent gift-giver that Tony thinks he is? No matter! Geoff Garlock is here! He’s a musician. He’s a comedian. He’s a prolific podcaster. And Geoff has the...
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Episode 39: Farting Around in a 747 (with guest Rob Huebel)
Summer’s heating up, and you can’t run A/C during a podcast. So the men are hot! The fellas crunch the numbers on how many full days of recording they’d have to do to bank several years worth of podcasts. Tony says “What?” in a way that sounds gruffer than he means. And Google’s AI is making them...
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Episode 38: The Night Meeting (with No One)
Tony & Johnny are recording the podcast together, in the same room, for the first time! They quickly discover that the “play-aggression” they employ over Zoom feels much harsher in-person. They abandon it for a gentler tact and set about recounting the tale of their previous night together, at...
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Episode 37: Harry Podcast (with guest Dan Lippert)
The giggle-boys are being silly tickledicks, at the top of the pod. They titter about Harry Potter, old email accounts, and whether you have to be a hoarder to run a junkyard. Should it ever come down to it, in a survival situation, Johnny promises to kill Tony in his sleep. Tony takes umbrage at...
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Episode 36: A Handsome Man (with guest Ben Rodgers)
Tony is hard-selling Johnny on getting back into DayZ (a multiplayer, survival game without the speed of multiplayer, the satisfaction of survival, or the ability to accomplish anything.) And Johnny seems willing! They discuss the discomfort of participating in prank shows and the comfort of good...
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Episode 35: A Hollow Ball of Pure Intelligence (with guest Neil Casey)
There’s a congressional hearing on UFOs! Tony finds UFO speculation endlessly fascinating. But sadly, try as he might, he cannot get Johnny on board. The circular logistics required to maintain such discussions feel tedious to him. Tony cannot hide his disappointment. They do a Contact-esque…
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Episode 34: The Perfect Distance (with guest Seth Morris)
The cranks begin with another of their fussy, bicker sessions. Feelings are nearly hurt, but they pull back just in time and align their angst against the other members of their households who consistently fail to refill the toilet paper. Tony has experienced yet another road rage incident at his...
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Episode 33: Sexualis! (with guest Gil Ozeri)
It’s a Threeway all day, as Green Crewman Gil Ozeri attends for the entire session! The 3 fren-amigos work out a complex system for who has to be sweet to whom. Then, Gil steers the conversation towards a concept of his called “Sexualis,” a whimsical, psychosexual excitement one gets from…
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Episode 32: A Motherly Attitude: The Return (with guest Susan Gemberling)
Excitement is in the air, as the boys ready their podcast for the arrival of Johnny’s vaunted mother, Sweet Susan! Tony’s in a bit of a lather after being chided by an audience member, following a standup show. They have a little trouble switching gears, but when they do, a fictional biker gang…
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Episode 31: A Book, Plugged (with guest John Flynn)
Johnny’s nervous to test out his new wifi network. What if it doesn’t work well?! Meanwhile, Tony’s fresh from the doctor where he was informed that he has perfect hearing. When Johnny tries to test him by speaking softly, the whole thing devolves into a bitter competition to see who can talk the...
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Episode 30: A 30th Episode Lookback Celebration!
It’s the 30th episode! A famously important and difficult-to-achieve milestone in the life of any podcast. The triumphant hosts take a moment to “look back” at some of the classic skits, scraps, clips, & clits that have made theirs a standout among all the podcasts that debuted in the fall of…
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Episode 29: A Stroll Through Barnes & Noble (with guest Blaire Erskine)
Do Tony & Johnny have anything to talk about anymore? Yes! They discuss the weather for a bit and depress themselves about the deteriorating environment and how horrible it will be to die of heat exposure. They reminisce about the joys of endless days spent wandering the Barnes & Noble on the…
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Episode 28: The Communicatey & Tricorder-y Show (with guest Will Hines)
For reasons unexplained, Tony & Johnny are gone. But filling in, from the 24th century, are everyone’s favorite Federation stooges, Captain Picard and Lieutenant Worf! They’re the podcast’s biggest fans, and they’re recording on the Holodeck and beaming it back through time or something…it all…
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Episode 27: Evidence of Other People (with guest Kelly Hudson)
Johnny is snuggled up in his bedroom, and Tony actually thinks his audio sounds good! Did he think it was bad before? The Cozy Couple considers the joys and horrors of picking one’s nose and consuming the findings. They ponder whether or not an asshole can ever be fully clean. And they wonder…
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Episode 26: Oh No! He’s Got a Guitar! (with guest Jon Daly)
The boyz are back from their triumphant trip to SXSW! They express their gratitude that they’re both on the same social wavelength of wanting to hang out in relatively sedentary settings where snacks are available. Johnny’s mother moved to LA while he was away, and has almost immediately…
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Episode 25: Dud Sister (with guest Alison Leiby)
With SXSW looming, our heroes discover that the payments they’re receiving for the festival are being structured differently (yes, a “travel buyout” is involved). It’s impossible to tell if they’re being treated equally, and that’s enough to unleash a tidal wave of resentments. When Johnny...
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Episode 24: Have a Banana! (with guest Bobby Moynihan)
Straight away, Johnny is frozen! Can’t participate. Tony fills time artfully, like the professional he is. Getting his shit together, Johnny does some limited bitching about the computer before the Vexed Varmints move on to discuss their inconsistent dental hygiene and Johnny’s tendency to…
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Episode 23: There’s Nothing Worse Than a Guest!
The professional hosts of this podcast have decided they dislike guests. So this episode doesn’t have one! Their relief at not having to talk to a third person leads quickly to some giddy (and yes, filthy!) improv! Tony delights as Johnny describes his long-awaited Domino’s pig-out night and its...
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Episode 22: A Thousand Dollars Worth of Meat (with guest Flossie Arend)
It’s Valentine's Day and the bloom is off the rose for Johnny’s new computer! It sucks! Our Haughty Heroes are horrified at how quickly the love has faded. Moving on from the technical issues, we learn about Johnny’s successful doctor’s appointment and why Tony keeps a thousand dollars worth of...
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Episode 21: Amor Fati (with guest Cipha Sounds)
Johnny’s got a new computer! Sure, it’s clean and pleasing now, but for how long?! The grown-men confront the dark enchantment their possessions have over them, and then Johnny shows off his partially-built birthday Lego! Soon after, Tony makes an incomprehensible gesticulation, and it confuses...
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Episode 20: I Like That We’re All Screaming Right Now (with guest Betsy Sodaro)
It’s Johnny’s pre-birthday, and Tony’s large gift is already causing a stir! In this episode, we learn why Tony can’t be an astrophysicist and that Johnny has never had a bad bank experience. Then, Tony proclaims them “gold-ribbon improvisers” moments before they perform a scene that is so…
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Episode 19: Let Them Be Upset! (with guest Paul Scheer)
The boys are aglow after receiving a compliment about the podcast. Then, they get into their discomfort around compliments. When Tony disrupts the chat with a bizarre side-comment, the whole thing nearly comes off the rails. But luckily, they recoup just in time for another of their irreverent,...
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Episode 18: Beautiful Body, Big Body, Little Body (with guest Shannon O'Neill)
Tony’s crunchin’ and munchin’ on some Goldfish! When he’s called away suddenly, Johnny fills in with a hastily-thrown-together song parody. Upon his return, the dashing duo discusses how much Johnny loves sneaking and scaring, and how often Tony gets startled and scared! Then, their brilliant and...
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Episode 17: Conscious Dressing (with guest Sam Griffel)
Excuses abound as we return to the fan-favorite segment “Fattest Friend!” This week’s winner may surprise you! Or maybe not! The baby boys discuss their lack of fashion sense, and then Sam Griffel struggles to get his headphones to work so he can join the Threeway. He ends up using his gaming...
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Episode 16: He Got Dirty (with guest Matt Besser)
Behold, a horrifying ordeal that begins with the fellas re-recording the start of the episode because they had a terrible, un-airable fight, the first time around. They make up and sort of blame it all on holiday stress and low, winter light. Also, Tony has been highly-frustrated, of late, by a...
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Episode 15: Vamp! (with guest Paul F. Tompkins)
Right up top, Johnny’s lighting sucks. He struggles to get his ring light set up while Tony fills time. A quick chat about Johnny’s need for control spurs the guys to diagnose each other’s mental issues, with a high degree of inaccuracy! Then they launch into a DMV transaction scene that only…
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Episode 14: The Princess & the Pod (with guest Nicole Byer)
The Putrid Pair starts out complaining about the unreliability of Zoom, but then laments not investing in the app sooner, before it took off! Tony reveals that he was grumpy in Canada because there was no “comfortable seating” in his furnished apartment. Then Johnny realizes that Tony’s a little...
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Episode 13: The Company Man (with guest Mitra Jouhari)
An exemplary episode finds the chums lathered up about the titillating, old Nickelodeon show Hey Dude. Then, when they criticize a prestige movie, Johnny’s fears of being blacklisted are revealed, and Tony doubles down on his long-held assertion that Johnny is a cowardly, “company man.” They have...
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Episode 12: Andy’s Lame (with guest Andy Rocco)
This deeply-personal episode tips its hat to the Johnny’s Game Home Game winners before diving into an in-depth analysis of the inconsistencies running riot through Anthony’s arguably-spurious Mens Health article. The amigos discuss their jealousies of each other, and then their ancient friend…
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Episode 11: Self-Care! (with guest Julie Klausner)
The milestone 11th episode finds the lads discoursing on The Monkees, Jacquie Lawson e-cards, and their own tender relationships with masculinity. They discuss how their respective fathers feel about the podcast, and then they do a classic misunderstanding scene! When Julie Klausner pops in for...
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Episode 10: A Relaxing
A sort of mini-episode* designed to give us a break after that grueling, Christmas bullshit! No guest. No slickly-produced improv. Just Tony & Johnny, talking in a manner that will require less effort to produce. And that's all I care to say about it. *This episode is the same length as a normal...
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Episode 9: A Phoney & Call-y Klingsmas!
Get ready for a classic Christmas episode! The first of what we assume will become some sort of obligatory, annual thing. Tony & Johnny are in a Christmas funk, and their gratitude sucks! When Santa proves “less than inspirational,” the plucky crew of the USS Enterprise D slingshots in from the...
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Episode 8: You’re Bristling! (with guest Pam Murphy)
A heady episode finds the guys discussing the complexities of recycling, the failings of personal responsibility, and the nexus of politics, news media, and nostalgia. And guess what? They pretty much figure it all out. That is until Anthony becomes distracted by his smelly finger. Then, the...
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Episode 7: The Prized Bag (with guest Rae Sanni)
In a spooky, vaguely-Halloween-oriented episode, our hosts admit their fears of the general public discovering their home addresses. We learn of Tony’s bizarre trick-or-treat favoritism. And, after a particularly heart-pounding improv, the fellas vow to try doing scenes where the comedy doesn’t...
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Episode 6: A Surprising Grip (with guest Gil Ozeri)
The boys are back! Tony, unfortunately, has been rankled by a snarky, social media comment, and it takes him a minute to calm down. When he does, the guys gloat about their recent weight loss efforts and immediately turn it into a competition to determine which of them shall bear the unenviable...
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Episode 5: Tales from a Creamery (with guest Jackie Clarke)
The fellas have a bit of trouble getting this episode off the ground. Tony expresses his contempt for Johnny’s responsibility to his family. Johnny claps back. At this point, it’s becoming clear to the listener just how old these episodes are. They were recorded so long ago that the hosts are...
About this show
Tony and Johnny are the best of friends…but they live on separate coasts! Luckily, they’ve been able to keep their long-distance relationship fresh and vital through frequent, soul-nourishing phone conversations. The Phoney & Call-y Show presents these phone calls to you: the lonely idiot, to delight in an entertaining blend of banter, introspection, bickering, and improv bits!**However, this podcast is not to be life-affirming, at all. Any relatable honesty Tony & Johnny display is purely for their own, therapeutic benefit. It’s not for you to feel better about your own life. That’s not what this is.
Hosted by
All Things Comedy
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