The Raising Kids with Purpose Podcast

5 Steps to Become Your Child's Emotion Coach The moment your child is at their most emotional is not a problem to solve. It is actually the most important opportunity you have with them. In this episode, Adriane walks through the five steps to becoming your child's emotion coach, explains why validating feelings is not the same as condoning behavior, and shares a story about a client who had never formally studied emotion coaching but was doing every single step beautifully without even realizing it. That story alone will give you so much hope. This episode is the foundation for everything else in connected parenting. If you have ever felt like you are trying to correct behavior that just keeps coming back, this is where the real shift happens. In This Episode You'll Hear: Why your child's meltdown is not the enemy and what it actually is The neuroscience behind naming emotions and how labeling a feeling measurably reduces its intensity in the brain Why there are no "bad" emotions, only comfortable and uncomfortable ones, and what that reframe changes for your parenting The five steps of emotion coaching and how to move through them in real time Why Step 1 starts with YOU and your own emotional awareness before you can coach anyone else How connection always comes before correction, and what happens to a child's brain when you lead with empathy first The difference between validating feelings and permitting behavior, and why parents confuse these two things constantly A real client story about a parent who was already doing this work naturally and what that looked like in action Why kids who feel understood actually behave better, not worse How emotion coaching builds the brain pathways your child needs for lifelong emotional intelligence and healthy relationships   Experts and Research Referenced: Dr. Dan Siegel Psychiatrist, author, and clinical professor at UCLA School of Medicine. Adriane references two concepts from his work: "name it to tame it," the research showing that labeling an emotion activates the prefrontal cortex and reduces the intensity of the emotional response, and Mindsight, his framework for developing the capacity to understand your own mind and the minds of others. Learn more at drdansiegel.com Dr. Gordon Neufeld Developmental psychologist and author of Hold On to Your Kids. Adriane references his principle of "collect before you connect before you correct," the idea that a child needs to feel attached and safe before any teaching or redirection can actually land. Learn more at neufeldinstitute.org The Gottman Institute The emotion coaching framework taught in this episode is rooted in the research of Dr. John Gottman, whose studies found that a parent's ability to emotion-coach their child is one of the strongest predictors of that child's social, emotional, and academic outcomes. His research identified the five steps of emotion coaching that Adriane walks through in this episode. Learn more at gottman.com Free Resource: Free Emotion Coach Toolkit - https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/i1x5n9  A printable resource to help you put the five steps into practice right away, including emotion vocabulary tools, sentence starters for each step, and guidance for getting through hard moments without losing the connection. Work With Adriane: P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program For parents who are ready to go beyond listening and actually apply this work to their specific child, their specific triggers, and their specific family. The P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program is where the deeper work happens. Emotion coaching, co-regulation, connection rituals, boundaries, and repair are all woven throughout the program with personalized coaching support. https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/1-1-purpose-parent-program/  Setting Boundaries with Purpose Toolkit A companion resource for families working through how to hold limits with empathy and without power struggles. Pairs directly with the emotion coaching framework because boundaries land so much better when the connection is already there.  https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/setting-boundaries-toolkit/  Book a Discovery Call  If you want personalized support and a plan built around your family, book a discovery call with Adriane www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat  Connect With Adriane: 🌐 Website: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com 📸 Instagram: www.instagram.com/raisingkidswithpurpose If this episode resonated with you, share it with another parent who is in the thick of the hard moments and needs to hear that those moments are actually the doorway to connection. Leaving a review helps other parents find this show.

How Screen Time Isn't the Break You Think It Is   Have you ever handed your child an iPad to get five minutes of peace, eat out at a restaurant, shop without distraction, or get anything done? Separately, you wonder why it's so hard to parent your kid because of the emotional reactivity, lack of sleep, big behaviors, and more. You're not imagining it. In this episode, I'm breaking down what the research actually says about screens and young, developing brains, why handheld devices are in a completely different category than watching a movie on TV, and what to do instead. This one is for parents of young kids: toddlers, preschoolers, and early elementary. A future episode will cover older kids and cell phones specifically. In This Episode You'll Hear: Why the "break" the iPad gives you may be making behavior harder in the long run What's actually happening in your child's brain during screen time and why the 0–5 window is so critical The difference between quick dopamine and slow dopamine, and what it means for your child's ability to self-regulate Why I disagree with the AAP guidelines and what I believe instead about handheld devices The cognitive decline data from Dr. Jared Cooney Horvath's 2026 U.S. Senate testimony, and why it should make every parent pay attention The socialization myth: why gaming "with a friend" isn't actually building real social skills Two real families I worked with and how we broke the screen-behavior cycle Practical first steps to start reducing screen time without going cold turkey Mentioned in This Episode: Free Screen Time Menu A curated list of alternatives to screens, sorted by category and energy level so you always have an answer to "but what do I DO instead?" 👉 https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/p1s3x2 Dr. Jared Cooney Horvath Cognitive neuroscientist and author of The Digital Delusion, Dr. Horvath testified before the U.S. Senate Committee on Commerce, Science, and Transportation in January 2026. His research showed that Gen Z is the first generation in recorded history to score lower on standardized cognitive measures than the generation before them, with the decline tracking directly to the widespread introduction of screens in schools and daily life around 2010. His words: "Our kids are less cognitively capable than we were at their age." Learn more about his work at lmeglobal.com Book a Parent Support Discovery Call If you'd like personalized support building a plan for your specific child and family, I offer discovery calls where we can talk through what's happening and map out what might actually work. 👉 www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat Research Referenced: Hutton et al. (2022) — early screen time linked to reduced brain cortex thickness Tamana et al. (2019) — preschool screen time linked to increased attention problems in later childhood Fitzpatrick et al. (2024) — tablet use at 3.5 linked to increased anger/frustration at 4.5; self-reinforcing cycle Radesky et al. (2023) & Konok et al. (2024) — using devices to calm dysregulated children prevents the development of self-regulation skills Lin et al. (2022) — small portable screens as neurodevelopmental disruptors of sleep Pempek (2014) — background TV reduces toddler vocabulary and caregiver-child conversation Zhao (2018) & Chen (2019) — blue light from close-range screens, retinal damage, and melatonin disruption Cris Rowan / Zone'in Research Fact Sheet — https://crisrowan.com/fact-sheet/  Connect With Adriane: Website: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com Instagram: www.instagram.com/raisingkidswithpurpose

Does your child tune you out, ignore your requests, not do their chores, or make good choices? Then they will sometimes respond when you raise your voice or threaten to take something away? And you're in constant power struggles?  In Episode 10, we're talking about the one parenting tool that actually breaks the cycle: Collaborative & Proactive Solutions, developed by Dr. Ross Greene. This is the tool that stops recurring battles, builds real cooperation, and opens up your relationship with your child in ways you didn't expect. What We Cover Why threatening screen time works for about four minutes and keeps failing long-term Plans A, B, and C; and why Plan B is the game-changer The three steps of Plan B so you can start using it this week What actually happens when parents first try this tool and why kids respond differently than expected The cooperation that builds over time when CPS becomes your go-to The Three Steps of Plan B Empathy — Understand your child's concern first. What's hard for them? Define the Problem — Share your concern too. Both perspectives on the table. Invitation — Brainstorm a solution that is realistic and works for both of you. Resources Dr. Ross Greene — Lives in the Balance The home of Collaborative & Proactive Solutions, including free tools and resources for parents. https://livesinthebalance.org/our-solution/ Free CPS Paperwork & Tools: https://livesinthebalance.org/cps-materials-paperwork/ The Explosive Child *Affiliate link Raising Human Beings *Affiliate link Think: Kids — Collaborative Problem Solving (MGH) A related but distinct evidence-based approach developed at Massachusetts General Hospital. https://thinkkids.org/ Note Added After Recording I briefly mentioned in the episode that there are two approaches that share very similar names. Here's the quick distinction: Collaborative & Proactive Solutions — Dr. Ross Greene's original model, housed at Lives in the Balance Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS/TK) — A related but distinct approach developed at Massachusetts General Hospital through the Think:Kids program, led by Dr. Stuart Ablon Both are evidence-based and share the same core belief that kids need skills, not just consequences. In this episode, I focused on Dr. Greene's approach. For a full side-by-side comparison: https://livesinthebalance.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/cps-vs-cps_edit2.pdf This Week's Action Step Think of the one fight that keeps happening in your house. Don't try to solve it yet, just ask yourself: "What do I think is hard about this situation for my child?" That question is the beginning of Plan B. Work With Me Setting Boundaries with Purpose Toolkit: https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/setting-boundaries-toolkit/ A practical resource to help you move from reactive to intentional.  Purpose Parent Transformation Program Ready for personalized support? Book a discovery call to learn more. www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat 

This may challenge everything you believe about parenting: consequences do not teach. The research (and so many people's personal experiences) have been this super clear. By the end of this episode, you'll understand why what you were taught isn't working and what to actually do instead. We've been handed a lie: that kids need to feel bad to do better and that without punishment, there's no discipline. For decades, adults have falsely believed that consequences are how children learn. They learn the opposite of what they need to behave better.  In this episode, we're talking about: Why consequences don't actually teach, and what neuroscience says about why The prefrontal cortex development truth that changes everything about how you see your child's behavior Why a dysregulated brain literally cannot learn, no matter how logical the consequence is Alfie Kohn's research on punishment and why short-term compliance is NOT the same as long-term learning Why rewards aren't the answer either  The "overjustification effect" and how well-meaning reward systems quietly kill your child's intrinsic motivation What to do instead: practical, brain-based shifts you can start using right now The one question that will change how you respond to every behavior from here on out Your kid will learn far more through co-regulation, connection, and play.  Books & Research Mentioned in This Episode: Punished by Rewards by Alfie Kohn* — The research on why rewards and punishments both undermine the behavior change you actually want.  Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason by Alfie Kohn* — Moving away from control and toward connection The Overjustification Effect — Lepper, Greene & Nisbett (1973) — The classic drawing study on intrinsic motivation and external rewards *As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases Related Resources:  Setting Boundaries With Purpose Toolkit — Stop relying on punishments and rewards and start using boundaries that actually work WITH your child's brain. This toolkit gives you the framework and the scripts. P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program — Ready to go deeper? This is where we address the root — your nervous system, your patterns, your wiring. Ready to stop surviving and start thriving? If this episode resonated and you're ready to go beyond behavior management and actually understand what's driving your child's actions, connect with Adriane using the links below.  Connect with Adriane: Instagram: @raisingkidswithpurpose Website: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com Email: [email protected] Book a parent support discovery call: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat

"I'm a terrible mom or dad." "I'm failing my kids." "I keep losing it, and I don't know how to stop. I'm a failure." If you've ever said any of those things, out loud or just in your head, this episode is for you. You are not alone. And feeling like you're failing doesn't mean you ARE failing. In this episode, we're getting honest about the shame spiral so many parents are stuck in and talking about what's really going on underneath it. In this episode, we're talking about: Why the guilt you're feeling is actually evidence that you CARE and that it means that you're feeling, not failing The trap of "doing it right" and why chasing the perfect parenting standard is exhausting your nervous system What's really happening in your body when you lose it (and why trying harder doesn't work) The missing piece nobody talks about: how your OWN wiring as a parent (including undiagnosed neurodivergence) could be impacting your ability to regulate How to break the trigger → react → shame → repeat cycle Three practical things you can do right now to start shifting out of "I'm failing" mode The cycle stops with you. The healing starts with you. And imperfect progress still counts. Book Mentioned in This Episode: Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy — A must-read on connection-based parenting and seeing the good inside your child (and yourself) The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron, Ph.D Rupture and Repair research Resources & Links Mentioned: P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program — Ready to do the deep work? This is where we go beyond strategies and address the root cause — your nervous system, your patterns, your wiring. This is how real change happens. Setting Boundaries with Purpose Toolkit Pausing - check out Episode 2 // The Power of Pausing in Parenting: How to Stop Reacting and Start Responding Ready to stop surviving and start thriving? If this episode resonated with you and you're ready to go deeper and understand your own nervous system, work through the patterns underneath the reactions, and become the regulated, connected parent you want to be, Adriane would love to chat! Book a free discovery call with Adriane Connect with Adriane: Instagram: @raisingkidswithpurpose Website: raisingkidswithpurpose.com Email: [email protected] Book a parent support discovery call: raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat

A family’s culture is the invisible thread that holds a home together. If you are looking for practical ways to build your family culture intentionally, this episode is a must-listen! Before listening to this episode, be sure to tune into Episode 1, 2, and 3 of the Building Your Family Foundation series, which are linked below. In the fourth and final episode of this series, we are diving into what a family culture is (and isn’t) and 7 ways to build a strong family culture.  We’re chatting about simple ways to build your family’s culture, including:  Defining your family values Establishing meaningful family rituals & traditions Prioritizing open communication & emotional safety Spending intentional time together And more! Building a strong family culture is a journey and the fact that you're here, listening, doing the work — that IS the culture. You're already building it! Other Episodes in This Series: Episode 4 // How to Define Your Family Values Episode 5 // 6 Ways to Make your Family Values Stick Episode 6 // How to Make Your Kids Feel Seen and Heard Links Mentioned in This Episode:  Family Meeting Agenda P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program Setting Boundaries with Purpose Toolkit Word of the Year Toolkit Connect with Adriane: Instagram: @raisingkidswithpurpose Website: https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com Email: [email protected] Book a discovery call: http://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat

If you are looking for real, practical ways to get your kids to listen while improving your overall family communication, this episode is for you! Before listening to this episode, be sure to tune into Episode 1 and 2 of the Building Your Family Foundation series. In this third episode of the series, we’re talking about one simple tool that will connect your family, so that your kids are feeling heard and you are parenting without yelling.  We’re chatting about how to create family meetings your kids will ACTUALLY want to attend, with 4 easy steps:  Topics of discussion Calendar or important events Items of the week (words or skills to focus on, goals, etc.) “Don’t forgets” (a time to show appreciation, give compliments, do a fun activity, or give allowance) Family connection doesn’t just happen, it takes intention. Family meetings are a great way to give everyone in your family a voice, so that everyone feels seen, heard, and understood - and the result will be a more connected and peaceful family life.  ➡️ Don't miss the next episode in our series to learn about building a strong family culture! Links Mentioned in This Episode:  FREE Family Meeting Agenda Family Values and Goal-Setting Toolkit P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program Blog Posts on Family Meetings:  Simple Family Meeting Agenda Ideas 8 Tips for Having a Family Meeting Connect with Adriane: Instagram: @raisingkidswithpurpose Website: https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com Email: [email protected] Book a discovery call: http://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat

Now that your family has a compass, let’s make those values something your kids can actually see, feel, and live out.  Before listening to this episode, be sure to tune into Episode 1 of the Building Your Family Foundation series. In this second episode of the series, we’re talking about how to get your family values to stick, so they are not just on a poster on the wall but instead guide your family in hard and happy moments. We’re chatting about the 6 ways to help your family values stick:  Define and revisit your family values together often Make your family values the language of your home Connect your emotions to values Model, model, model Make your values part of your decisions (and say them out loud!) Be consistent, not perfect Having family values isn’t just something you talk about. To truly live out these principles, choose one of the strategies we talked about today and begin to embed them into your family culture. ➡️ Don't miss the next episode in our series to learn about how to make family meetings something your kids WANT to attend! Links Mentioned in This Episode:  Stop the Fighting Parenting Toolkit Read the blog HERE Connect with Adriane: Instagram: @raisingkidswithpurpose Website: https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com Email: [email protected] Book a discovery call: http://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat

If you want to parent with more clarity, confidence, and calm — your family needs a compass. In Episode 1 of the Building Your Family Foundation series, we’re talking about how to define your family values so they guide your decision-making, create a sense of belonging in your family, and build a strong family culture. We’re chatting about the 4 steps to defining your family's values:  Choose the value categories that are most important to you Reflect on the values your family is already living out Narrow your list down to 5-8 core values with examples of how they practically look for your family Write your values down and make them visible in your home When you take the time to define what matters most to your family, you’re giving your children something invaluable: a compass to guide them through life’s biggest and smallest decisions. You can be the change your family needs and it starts with your values. ➡️ Don't miss the next episode in our series to learn about the 6 practical ways to make your family values stick! Links Mentioned in This Episode:  Download your FREE Family Values List and Worksheet HERE Kelly McGonagal - The Upside of Stress Stop repeating yourself 100 times a day and get your kids to listen with the Setting Boundaries Toolkit Connect with Adriane: Instagram: @raisingkidswithpurpose Website: https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com Email: [email protected] Book a discovery call: http://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat

If your child is having tantrums, talking back, refusing to listen, or acting “defiant”… what do you actually believe about them in that moment? Do you believe they’re being manipulative? Strong-willed? Disrespectful? Or do you believe they’re struggling? In this episode of Raising Kids With Purpose, Adriane unpacks the hidden parenting beliefs that shape how you respond to toddler tantrums, power struggles, and teen attitude — and why mindset matters more than any discipline strategy. In this episode, we’re chatting about: • Where our beliefs about “difficult” or strong-willed children actually come from • Why behavior is never the whole story (especially in defiant child moments) • The difference between the problem lens and the curiosity lens • One simple question that reduces power struggles and builds connection Above the surface, you see meltdown, refusal, backtalk, shutdown. Below the surface? Developmental limits, unmet needs, sensory overwhelm, lagging skills. Same child, same moment, completely different outcome because of a mindset shift. If you’re exhausted by constant power struggles or feel stuck in cycles with your strong-willed child, this episode will help you see what’s really happening and how to shift it. ✨ If this conversation encouraged you, subscribe and keep walking this journey with me. Links Mentioned in this Episode:  If you’re ready to dig deeper into the belief work underneath your parenting, you can book a Parent Support Discovery Call at raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat  Beyond Behaviors by Dr. Mona Delahooke PURPOSE Parent Transformation Program Check out Conscious Stories, incredible books to read to your kids right before they fall asleep. Click here to get 10% off. *Affiliate link Connect with Adriane: Instagram: @raisingkidswithpurpose Website: https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com Email: [email protected] Book a discovery call: http://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat

If you’ve ever promised yourself you wouldn’t yell — and then yelled anyway — this episode is for you. You know what to do. But in the moment, something takes over. In this episode of Raising Kids With Purpose, Adriane explains what’s actually happening in your brain and body when you react and the neuroscience behind it. When your child won’t put on their shoes and you’re already late, your nervous system detects threat. Your thinking brain goes offline. Fight-or-flight takes over. And then comes the guilt. But there’s a way to interrupt the pattern. In this episode, we’re chatting about: • Why your nervous system reacts before your logic can step in • What “the pause” really is (it’s more than counting to ten) • Three questions that shift you from control to connection • A simple 10-second “Name It to Tame It” tool you can use in real time ⭐ Weekly Challenge: Practice the pause just once this week. One trigger moment. One breath. One different response. ➡️ Subscribe and follow the show so you never miss an episode! Links Mentioned in this Episode:  Adriane's P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program Parent Support Discovery Call: https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat Connect with Adriane: Instagram: @raisingkidswithpurpose Website: https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com Email: [email protected] Book a discovery call: http://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat

If you’ve ever thought, “Why can’t I stay calm with my child when I know what to do?” — this episode is for you. You’re not broken. Your child isn’t broken. But your nervous system may be stuck in survival mode. In this first episode of Raising Kids With Purpose, Adriane shares how her early childhood experiences shaped her parenting — and the turning point that changed everything. After struggling with traditional discipline methods that didn’t work, she discovered the power of co-regulation, nervous system healing, and connection-based parenting. In this episode, we're chatting about: • Why parenting feels harder when you’re dysregulated • What co-regulation really means in everyday life • Why calm is contagious — and so is chaos Adriane is sharing the science behind co-regulation and practical steps you can take to become a calmer, more regulated parent. The cycle stops with you. The healing starts with you. Links Mentioned in this Episode:  The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel Siegel   Connect with Adriane: Instagram: @raisingkidswithpurpose Website: https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com Email: [email protected] Book a discovery call: http://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat ✨ We’re building something powerful here. Subscribe now so you don’t miss Episode 2 and the power of pausing in parenting!