The Rules

Actor, comedian and producer Jacob Edwards joins Simon to tackle dodgy deliveries and malfunctioning machinery by holding fat cats to account. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Award-winning comedian, writer and storyteller Marjolein Robertson helps Simon attempt to spark conversations on the tube and find a way to stop people dropping litter for good. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stand-up, writer and Edinburgh Comedy Awards Best Newcomer winner Toussaint Douglass insists Simon induct rules to improve self-checkouts and ensure that everyone waves at his son. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Comedian, director and Roast Battle Champion James Mileham enlists Simon to stop people trying to be cool and find a way to make sure everyone has a good name. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Always Be Comedy's James Gill helps Simon quell male rage with the assistance of Jason Statham and curb unsolicited advice with QR codes. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stand-up and writer Chloe Petts helps Simon counter chaos on the streets, the injustice of vending machines and the total mess that is the world wide web. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Comedy legend Matt Lucas joins Simon to sort out the problems of improvised toothpicks, impersonal e-cards and improper exaltation of Nutella. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Writer, stand-up and producer of Russell Howard's Five Brilliant Things, Dan Atkinson urges Simon to stop people dancing like nobody's watching by drastically reducing the size of human settlements. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stand-up and social media comedian Sam Picone helps Simon come up with rules to make internet users and binmen behave themselves. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Multi-award-winning comedian, writer and actor Lorna Rose Treen invites Simon to consider rules to end the tyranny of tickling and kick-start the next stage of human evolution. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Writer and stand-up Steve Hall presents Simon with rules to stop people making spam phone calls, sending intrusive emails and projecting irritating noises. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stand-up, writer and actor Aideen McQueen joins Simon to dole out slap-based retribution and ensure that we can all listen in to other people's public phone calls. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Joe Marler Will See You Now and The Pub Quiz Podcast's Jake Bhardwaj joins Simon to keep Dad jokes to the minimum and get his Dad's knowledge of pop culture to the maximum. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stand-up and writer Nick Elleray employs Simon to give everyone plenty of personal space and a nice quiet life. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stand-up and social media star Alfie Dundas coerces Simon into controlling the rich and stupid by testing their contribution to society and forcing those who come up short into combat for our entertainment. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Award-winning stand-up Samira Banks inspires Simon to induct rules to control jobsworths and ensure that people put in more effort when they lie. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Comedian, broadcaster and impressionist Matt Forde joins Simon to figure out how to stop people being rude to waiters by curtailing obsession with status. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Edinburgh Comedy Award winning Jordan Brookes inspires Simon to use complex computer simulations and child labour to stop people dropping apple cores. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Writer, actor and producer Michael Stranney helps Simon get to grip with people who don't respect fellow tube passengers or communal fridges. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The one and only Rich Fulcher helps Simon figure out how to stop bus seat blockers and remind his kids to put on their socks. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Writer, podcaster and comedian Eleanor Morton encourages Simon to introduce rules to curb public spitting and avoid boring conversations. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stand-up and actor Andy Field joins Simon to inspire driving empathy and psychedelic misadventure. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Prolific writer, broadcaster and Pappy's member Matthew Crosby helps Simon restore the high street to its former glory and guarantee that people really mean it when they say "thank you" Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Delightful Sausage and Rural Concerns' Chris Cantrill convinces Simon to eradicate bags on train seats and littering, while rewarding the socially conscientious with visions of the future. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Multi-award-winning comedian Shalaka Kurup teams up with Simon to ensure that everyone will always be on time and respectful to bus drivers. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Actor, comedian and musician Nick Helm vents to Simon about angry gym-goers, unfriendly neighbours and trying to maintain empathy. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Co-host of Loremen and Rural Concerns James Shakeshaft joins Simon to combat anarchy in the world of eggs. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Podcaster and Youtuber Robbie Knox implores Simon to reward elite airport users and punish traffic-light-ignoring cyclists. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Writer, stand-up and co-host of The Screen Rot Podcast Jacob Hawley inundates Simon with rules on drinking, driving, queuing and poltergeists. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Writer, actor and stand-up Annie McGrath joins Simon to make swimming pools more calming, park runs less dangerous and Q&As less embarrassing. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stand-up and sketch comedian Finlay Christie pleads with Simon to fix bad adverts, impolite conversation and stressful driving lessons. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stand-up and Emmy-nominated writer Michael Odewale convinces Simon to utilise inflatable obstacle courses, horses and spanking to bring order to the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The inimitable Elis James begs Simon to force people to laugh at his jokes and chill out by 10%. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Multi-talented comedian Alasdair Beckett-King guides Simon towards subjugating the rich with book tokens and genetically engineered foxes. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stand-up, writer and immigration solicitor Sikisa employs Simon to add rules on public weeing, shared Spotify account etiquette and denigration of professional wrestling. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Celebrated MC & stand-up Michael May convinces Simon to protect cats from being picked up and humans from being given dystopian names. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Actor and stand-up Eshaan Akbar helps Simon deal with people who refuse to get their tickets ready before the barriers and block escalators with their massive suitcases. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Award-winning stand-up Eryn Tett implores Simon to induct rules against one-star reviews and lying to be nice. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Writer and stand-up John Meagher convinces Simon to end the chaos of Lime bikes with the healing power of fire. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Feel Good actor and stand-up Jack Barry helps Simon eradicate food fingering and window peering. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Pappy's very own Tom Parry and Simon rid the world of chimneys and bring estate agents to order with the power of zorbs. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Force of nature stand-up Kate Barron joins Simon to talk bad dog owners, etiquette lessons in schools and how to confront wrongdoers responsibly. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Co-founder of Angel Comedy Barry Ferns and Simon aim to embarrass cyclists and public eaters. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Award-winning comedian Hasan Al-Habib and Simon get to grips with manipulative text messages and the decline of Ps and Qs in popular media. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stand-up, presenter and co-host of We Saw That Andrew Mensah provides Simon with philosophical ways of making people try their best under the constant threat of humiliating public shame. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Canadian stand-up and actor Michelle Shaughnessy and Simon devise ways of bringing small talk, train delays and bothering women after dark to an end. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Actor and co-host of Rural Concerns Sunil Patel joins Simon to take aim at unruly public transport passengers. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Victoria Wood Award winner Rob Copland and Simon work out plans to enlighten the populace and end the tyranny of food influencers. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Stand-up, author and panel-based comedian Rhys James joins Simon to discuss how to rein in the chaos on the nation's walkways. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Coming soon. The podcast to save us all. Email YOUR rules to [email protected]. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.