Episodes
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#335: Respecting Difference - From Toddlers to Teens
🍎 Care Professionals Seminar Registration 🏠 Simple Family Living 📑 Simplicity Parenting Starter Kit 📲 Request a Consultation with Kim John Payne In this episode, Kim John Payne explores how to help children not just tolerate but genuinely respect differences, and how this understanding can be...
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#334: Less Doing - More Being
🍎 Care Professionals Seminar Interest List 🏠 Simple Family Living 📑 Simplicity Parenting Starter Kit 📲 Request a Consultation with Kim John Payne In this episode, Kim John Payne pushes back against the Western cultural current of constant busyness and doing, offering a essential…
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#329: Tone and Timing Coaching: The 1, 2, 3 Approach
In this episode, Kim John Payne introduces “tone and timing coaching," a simple way to help children (and ourselves) get the tone right when what's said comes out rude, fresh, aggressive, or grumpy. He explains that the content of a child's message is often perfectly fine; it's the delivery that...
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#325: Children & Mortality
In this episode, Kim John Payne addresses one of the more difficult themes parents face: a child's growing awareness of life and death. He explains that very young children experience only a little separation between themselves and the world, but as consciousness shifts and they move into the...
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#324: The Three Steps To Small, Imaginative & Light Transitions
Correction: the Care Professionals Seminar dates in this episode are Saturday and Sunday, August 1st and 2nd, 2026 (not July). Registration closes July 31st: Click here to register In this episode, Kim John Payne returns to his well-known transition tool, "your world, my world, our world," and...
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#320: The Space Between Us Is Alive... Trust It
In this episode, Kim John Payne reflects on something elusive but essential: the space between parent and child. He describes this space as being alive, not a void to be filled with words or busyness, but a conduit through which care, love, and presence flow. When we're in sync with a child,...
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#316: Easing Tension Around Homework & Music Practice
In this episode, Kim John Payne addresses the daily challenge of getting children to do difficult but regular tasks like music practice and homework. He introduces the "grit sandwich" principle: soft on both ends with firmness in the middle. The approach begins with connection before direction,...
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#312: Balancing a Child's Needs and the Family's Needs
In this episode, Kim John Payne addresses a common point of derailment in family life: when a child's impulses and desires collide with the needs of the larger family. He explains that children, especially young ones, lack the prefrontal lobe brain development to naturally see the bigger picture....
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#311: Am I a Governer or an Adviser
In this episode, Kim John Payne offers a quick overview of the Soul of Discipline framework and then focuses on a common confusion in the early years: the difference between being a governor and being an advisor. He explains that during the first seven to nine years, parents serve as the governor...
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#307: Interview with Laura Carlin: Part One - Decluttering with Love and Intention
In this episode, Kim John Payne welcomes longtime colleague and Simplicity Parenting coach Laura Carlin for the first of a four-part conversation on decluttering. Laura introduces what she calls "the decluttering secret": that how we go about decluttering (our energy, intentions, and self-talk)…
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#303: Going on a News Cleanse
In this episode, Kim John Payne addresses how constant news exposure erodes our ability to be present with our children. He explains that modern news cycles, with autoplay, doom scrolling, and half-hourly updates, repeatedly trigger the amygdala even when we're hearing the same story again. Each...
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#299: If Rhythms Need To Change
In this episode, Kim John Payne explores how families can navigate changes in rhythms while still preserving the security that predictability provides. He explains that when a regular caregiver is unavailable for bath time or bedtime, previewing the change earlier in the day helps a child take it...
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#295: Kindling a Child's Competency
In this episode, Kim John Payne explores how small, repeated household rituals build both motor skills and a sense of competency in children. He explains that micro rhythms (the little "hows" of daily life like setting the table, clearing dishes, or preparing for bath time) create more than just...
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#291: Saying, Feeling & Doing Sorry
In this monthly episode of Simplicity Parenting, Kim John Payne explores the difference between asking children to say sorry and helping them genuinely make things right. While acknowledging that saying sorry has value, Kim cautions against forcing apologies, which often leads to defensiveness,...
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#287: Slow, Low and No Means No
In this episode, Kim John Payne explores how parents can set clear, loving boundaries in ways that truly reach their children. He explains that when we slow our speech and lower our tone, children are better able to process what we say and feel our calm authority. Speaking slowly helps a message...
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#286: Emotionally Resilient Kids: Part Five - Anika Reclaims Her True Self
In this final part of the five-part Emotionally Resilient Tweens and Teens series, Kim John Payne concludes “Annika’s Story,” the true account of a middle school girl learning to reclaim her sense of self after a painful fall from popularity. Following the cheating incident and the loss of her...
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#285: Emotionally Resilient Kids: Part Four - The Compromises Anika Makes
In this fourth part of the five-part Emotionally Resilient Tweens and Teens series, Kim John Payne continues reading from “Annika’s Story,” following the seventh grader as she becomes more deeply entangled in her desire to fit in with the popular group. When Annika’s mother unexpectedly sees her...
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#284: Emotionally Resilient Kids: Part Three - Anika struggles to fit in
In this third part of the five-part series on Emotionally Resilient Tweens and Teens, Kim John Payne reads aloud “Annika’s Story” from the book he co-authored with Luis Fernando Llosa. The story follows Annika, a seventh grader who moves to a new school and struggles with the temptation to change...
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#283: Emotionally Resilient Kids: Part Two - Helping Children Respond to Teasing Without Reacting
In this second part of the five-part series on Emotionally Resilient Tweens and Teens, Kim John Payne continues exploring how parents can guide children through difficult social experiences. Drawing from Chapter Four of the book, he focuses on helping children understand their emotional…
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#282: The Emotionally Resilient Kid: Part One - Being There When Your Child Feels Left Out
This episode is the first in a five-part series drawn from Kim John Payne’s book Emotionally Resilient Tweens and Teens, co-authored with Luis Fernando Llosa. As part of the lead-up to his upcoming Emotionally Resilient Tweens & Teens Care Professionals Seminar, Kim begins by exploring how…
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#281: Interview with Richard Freed - Part Three
In the final part of their conversation, Kim and Dr. Freed shift from exposing the harms of persuasive technology to offering practical solutions. Kim introduces the idea of “four connections” as a foundation for a healthy childhood: connection to nature, to friends through real play, to family,...
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#280: Interview with Richard Freed - Part Two
In the second installment of their conversation, Kim and Dr. Freed take a deeper look at how powerful interests influence public understanding of screens, particularly through organizations that claim to promote children's health. Dr. Freed describes what he calls the “Silicon Valley exception,”...
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#279: Interview with Richard Freed - Part One
In this first part of a three-part fire side style chat, Kim John Payne speaks with leading psychologist Dr. Richard Freed about the growing influence of persuasive design in modern digital technology. Dr. Freed shares how screen-based platforms, especially social media and video games, are...
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#278: Sensing the Neeed - Getting Out Ahead Of It
In this episode, Kim highlights the importance of previewing and “getting out ahead” of difficult moments before they escalate. Whether it’s a grumpy morning with a young child or a teenager returning home with restraint collapse, acknowledging the emotional state early can shift the tone of the...
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#277: Choosing Our Battles?
Kim addresses the common parenting dilemma of whether to correct a child’s behavior or let it go. He gently challenges the popular idea of “choosing your battles,” suggesting that framing these moments as battles may not serve the relationship. Instead, he invites parents to see each behavior—no...
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#276: When Kids Are Angry They Are Vulnerable - Emotional Self Regulation - Part Five
In the final part of this five-part series on emotional self-regulation, Kim John Payne explores the idea that when children are angry, they are also deeply vulnerable. He reminds us that difficult behaviors often surface when children are overwhelmed, and in those moments, they are not only...
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#275: Why Screen Time for Kids Makes It Hard For Us - Emotional Self-Regulation - Part Four
In this fourth part of this five-part series on emotional self-regulation, Kim John Payne reviews how screens can disrupt not only a child’s emotional balance but also a parent’s ability to stay centered. He explains how modern screen content is designed to deliver high levels of dopamine,...
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#274: When It All Gets Too Much - Emotional Self Regulation - Part Three
In the third episode of this five-part series on Emotional Self-Regulation, Kim John Payne offers a practical, compassionate invitation to slow down. He introduces the metaphor of a tap overflowing, a symbol for the mounting pressures and over-commitments many families face. Instead of constantly...
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#273: What Pushes Our Buttons - Emotional Self Regulation - Part Two
In the second of this five-part series on Emotional Self-Regulation, Kim John Payne explores one of the deepest challenges for parents: the feeling of being unseen, undervalued, or taken for granted. These emotional triggers can quietly build up, leading to reactive moments that feel...
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#272: Self Care - Not Neglecting Our Own Needs - Emotional Self-Regulation - Part One
In the first of a five-part series on Emotional Self-Regulation, Kim John Payne reflects on the quiet power of micro self-care - small, intentional moments that help parents replenish their emotional reserves. He shares how the early demands of parenting often push self-care to the margins, yet...
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#271: If Not Now When - Responding To Requests & Building Up Impulse Control
In this episode, Kim John Payne explores the importance of helping children learn to delay their requests and respect the timing of others. Rather than always responding immediately or brushing kids off with a vague “in a minute,” Kim encourages parents to offer clear, specific guidance on when...
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#270: Aggression Entrapment - How to Work Through Children's Meltdowns
In this episode, Kim John Payne explores a dynamic he calls “aggression entrapment,” where a child’s meltdown becomes a way to secure a parent’s full attention. He explains that frequent meltdowns can signal a child’s need for stronger, more consistent parental presence—not just during crises…
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#269: The Art of De-escalation - Walking Away vs Stepping Back
In this episode, Kim John Payne explores how parents can navigate escalating situations without making a child feel abandoned. He draws a clear distinction between “walking away” in frustration and “stepping back” with intention. The latter offers a child the reassurance that their parent is…
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#268: Helping Older Siblings Feel Secure When a New Baby Arrives
In this episode, Kim shares thoughtful ways to support an older child when a newborn joins the family. He emphasizes the importance of maintaining closeness through physical touch and preserving familiar family rhythms. Parents are encouraged to be intentional about cuddling, storytelling, and...
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#267: Why Teens Can Seem Distant and How to Stay Connected
Kim John Payne offers a view of adolescence by comparing teenage emotions to an artesian water flow. While younger children often express their feelings outwardly, teenagers tend to turn inward. Their emotional lives may seem hidden, but underneath the surface there is a deep, steady movement as...
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#266: Giving Children Time and Space to Wonder
Kim reflects on the beauty and importance of slow learning. He invites parents to protect and nurture a child’s natural tendency to wonder, observe, and inquire. Instead of immediately reaching for quick answers through digital means, he suggests creating space for questions to unfold over time....
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#265: Children's Big Feelings
In this episode, Kim John Payne explores how young children experience emotions as full-body states, rather than isolated feelings they can easily identify and name. He expresses concern about the modern emphasis on naming emotions with young children, noting that their brain development often…
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#264: Another Way to Understand It
Kim offers a fresh perspective on childhood anger, inviting parents to view it as a natural attempt to restore emotional balance. Anger may surface when a child feels powerless, ignored, or overwhelmed, and while it can be loud or disruptive, it is not something to fear. Using the metaphor of a...
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#263: The Hidden Treasures of Previewing
In this episode, Kim expands on the idea of previewing as a key parenting tool that brings calm and predictability to family life. He describes two types of previews: larger ones that look ahead to the day or week and smaller, moment-to-moment ones that guide children gently through transitions....
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#262: The Four "Its" of Problem Solving
Kim shares a simple yet powerful approach for when things are heading in a difficult direction with children. The process includes four steps: calm it down, work it out, put it right, and move it on. He emphasizes that meaningful resolution only begins once emotions have settled, so calming the...
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#261: No. You Do It!
In this episode we hear how to help a child who insists on being helped do things they are perfectly capable of doing themselves, and how to support them in finding ways to problem solve and build greater agency and competency. 📓 Discipline & Guidance Care Professionals Seminar ❤️ Support the...
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#260: Bed Time Hostage Taking
In this episode we explore why children cling on to a parent at bedtime and refuse to sleep unless they mom/dad/caregiver is laying next to them. As always we hear about ways to help this tendency that mainly relate to establishing times of connection throughout the day. 📓 Discipline & Guidance...
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#259: Plan B - Helping Tweens & Teens Adjust
In this episode we explore how to help tween and teens develop a plan for when things go wrong and how to adjust in order to keep moving towards their goal. 📓 Discipline & Guidance Care Professionals Seminar ❤️ Support the Podcast 📑 Simplicity Parenting Starter Kit 📲 Request a Consultation…
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#258: Getting Our Timing Right
In this episode we explore how to sense when the moment is right to give a simple day-to-day instruction, or to have one of “those” talks that every parent need to do from time to time. 📓 Discipline & Guidance Care Professionals Training ❤️ Support the Podcast 📑 Simplicity Parenting Starter Kit...
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#257: Restraint Collapse After the School Day
In this episode we discuss the concept of restraint collapse and the need for decompression points to help children manage their stress. Kim also emphasizes the importance of setting up a predictable and structured after-school rhythms to ease restraint collapse. Additionally, Kim suggested...
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#256: Talking Through Things With Tween & Teens
When issues come up with tween and teens, how can we have conversations with them that help them feel safe to participate and work things through. ❤️ Support the Podcast 📑 Simplicity Parenting Starter Kit 📲 Request a Consultation with Kim John Payne 📚 Simplicity Parenting Book Store
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#255: Exaggerating-Amplifying-Conflating
In this episode we explore why children can enlarge their accounts of what happened when things went wrong. We break it down to three tendencies and what we can do to help a child gain a better and more accurate perspective of what happened and how we can work through the trouble spots events to…
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#254: Why Kids Whine & What We Can Do To Shift the Habit
Kids who relentlessly complain and whine can often get on a parents nerves no matter how well balanced we are. In this episode we explore why kids whine and what we can do to help them move beyond this habit to feel more seen, heard and connected to a parent. ❤️ Support the Podcast 📑 Simplicity...
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#253: Turn Hurting Into Helping & Healing Words & Action
In this episode we explore how to shift hurtful words and actions by calling up the helpful and healing moments that a child, tween or teen brought to those around them, and how this helps us stay well oriented and regulated even in difficult parenting moments. ❤️ Support the Podcast 📑…
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#252: How To Avoid Pack up Disasters
In this episode we explore how to prevent over-helping a child clean up their toys and projects, and how this helps them develop agency and competence that will serve them throughout life. ❤️ Support the Podcast 📑 Simplicity Parenting Starter Kit 📲 Request a Consultation with Kim John Payne 📚...
About this show
Weekly insights on children and parenting from Simplicity Parenting author Kim John Payne.
Hosted by
Kim John Payne/Center for Social Sustainability
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